The Tricky Part: One Boy's Fall from Trespass into Grace

by Martin Moran

Between the ages of twelve and fifteen, Martin Moran had a sexual relationship with an older man, a counselor he'd met at a Catholic boys' camp. Almost thirty years later, at the age of forty-two, he set out to find and face his abuser.

The Tricky Part tells the story of this relationship and its complex effect on the man Moran became. He grew up in an exemplary Irish Catholic family-his great aunt was a cloistered nun; his father, a newspaper reporter. They might have lived in the Denver neighborhood of Virginia Vale, but they belonged to Christ the King, the church and school up the hill. And the lessons Martin absorbed, as a good Catholic boy, were filled with the fraught mysteries of the spirit and the flesh.

Into that world came Bob-a Vietnam vet carving a ranch-camp out of the mountain wilderness, showing the boys under his care how to milk cows, mend barbed wire fence, and raft rivers. He drove a six-wheeled International Harvester truck; he could read the stars like a map. He also noticed a young boy who seemed a little unsure of himself, and he introduced that boy to the secret at the center of bodies.

Told with startling candor and disarming humor, The Tricky Part carries us to the heart of a paradox-that what we think of as damage may be the very thing that gives rise to transformation, even grace.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Gay, LGBT, Queer, Coming Of Age, Biography

296 pages, Hardcover

First published June 15, 2005

Reviews

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

(My Rating: 8.5/10) I was researching Stockholm Syndrome among people who were sexually abused as children and sexual exploitation of pre-adolescent boys, and I stumbled upon this title. Scanning a few reviews of The Tricky Part convinced me to purchase it.

This absorbing, heart-wrenching memoir by actor/author Martin Moran is essentially three intertwined stories. The first is an account of his ongoing sexual abuse, beginning at age 12, by Bob, a man who was loosely connected to his church. This is set against the backdrop of Martin's Catholic upbringing in Colorado in the 1970s.

In Martin's mind, the line between molestation and consensual sex was blurred because he willingly participated in the "affair" and Bob was also his friend and mentor. For the record, I strongly believe that, in these situations, the child is always innocent -- this is one issue in which there is no gray area. However, the story was told in such a way that I understood his confusion, even as the relationship with Bob became increasingly sick and twisted.

Moran wrote courageously about his mingled love, hate, desire, emotional dependence, anger, guilt and shame. I also got a devastating look at his parents' seeming inability, in an era when sexual exploitation of children wasn't discussed, to acknowledge the red flags in this situation or intervene to protect their son.

A second story is about Martin's coming out as a gay man at a time when homosexuality was still considered a bona fide psychiatric disorder as well as a one-way ticket to Hell. His long journey to accept his sexuality was complicated by his Catholic roots and the fact that his abuser had -- horrifyingly -- led him to believe that homosexuality was more shameful than pedophilia. There is one heartbreaking scene that will stick with me for a long time. Believing his father has accepted his coming out, Marty runs to him and embraces him, only to see a look of sheer disgust on his face. I can only imagine what it's like to be reviled and rejected by loved ones for something so fundamental to ones being. But of course it's a reality for millions of non-heterosexuals.

The third story is about Martin, as an adult, acknowledging what was done to him and beginning the gradual processing of healing. Eventually he even achieved some level of forgiveness for his abuser as well as for himself. This journey involved recovery from depression and sex addiction. His path has been made easier by the love of his phenomenally kind, forgiving lover, Henry.

Moran writes beautifully, with humor and compassion, about his experiences. Based on the premise, one might expect this to be a difficult, depressing read. But overall, it isn't -- at least for me. It is a blend of pain, joy, humor, and achingly raw sadness, anger, and regret as well as growth and healing.

I also appreciated Moran's nuanced exploration of his Catholicism. He explores the fact that his religious background damaged him in some ways. However, he also touches on the rich variety of religious experiences and worldviews that comprise Catholicism. I loved his Great Aunt Marion, a contemplative nun with a passion for social justice.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about childhood abuse and recovery and about how confusing and ambiguous a child's relationship with his abuser can be. Moran is a gifted writer, and -- as odd as it may sound considering the subject matter -- I enjoyed reading this book. It is one I definitely won't forget.

[Ivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Martin Moran has done a miraculous job of communicating the emotional terrorism of childhood sexual abuse. This book, certainly one of the finest I've ever read on this subject, held me enthralled from the first few pages. Moran's prose is uncommonly rich and fluid, what one would expect from literary lions such as Michael Cunningham and Andrew Holleran.

In less talented hands this material could have proven over wrought or maudlin. Moran exorcises his demons in such a way that we are able to relate to the events and their impact on his life without ever feeling overwhelmed or manipulated. He has done a masterful job of conveying a myriad of conflicting emotions, particularly in his depiction of the love-hate relationship with his abuser and the contradictory feelings of helplessness and complicity. He describes his sexual history in graphic detail without ever losing his focus or narrative drive.

As bleak as this subject matter may be, "The Tricky Part" remains positive and hopeful throughout, even in the scenes where the author confronts his abuser. Moran has gone to great pains to show off the edifying influences he had in his life - a great aunt, a singing teacher, a slew of friends and the love of his longtime companion Henry - and to leave room for redemption and grace. Finally, this is a haunting story of healing and forgiveness. Finding God in all things, that's the tricky part.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the honesty of this memoir haunting and endearing. It was a difficult read at times but perfectly captured the complexity of abuse and frustration of not being able to let go of the past.

[Lizzie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I always wanted to read this since I first heard about it. I finally did because I got to see the author's new play recently, another autobiographical piece, so I guess you can sort of call it a sequel? But it's about much different things, though certainly references the events in this story. It was beautiful and kind, I really loved it. (If he ever does another stint of the one-man play version of this work, I'd love to see it too.)

He's an incredibly generous storyteller, here as a memoirist about his youth. He displays sympathy for everyone. This book is a lot like the exercise I think a lot of us fantasize about: being able to look our younger selves in the eye as they go through the things we know were the hardest, and tell them we understand and they're okay and they'll be okay. It Gets Better all the way.

The book is just what it says on the cover, his extremely straightforward chronicle of Catholicism, coming out, and a very creepy long-running situation with an adult man who had sex with him as a kid. It's very subject-specific and there is a huge amount of detail about the events and emotions of all of this. It's 100% a therapeutic book for the author, and I can imagine it being something that people recovering from related events may need too.

The close focus made it a little unexciting for me sometimes, because I don't need the book for those exact things. He writes a few lovely sections about more generally relatable feelings -- the frustration of depression, the gratitude and amazement of being loved, how much work it is to forget the past. To make the things that definitely mattered a lot not matter the most forever.

I think this is the story he needed to write in order to write other stories, though, so I'm extremely grateful he was able to and is able to be free and happy as a person and an author. He has a loving view of life that is invaluable, and I hope I get to hear him talk about all of it.

[JOSEPH OLIVER · Rating 4 out of 5]

First of all let me just say that I found this book very readable and the author has a very easy style - very much as though he is talking to you. The topic itself may put readers off. Basically it is that the author as a 12 year old boy was sexually abused by a 'camp counselor' for 3 years. What is the unique angle is that the author was tormented for decades by the thought that he was in fact complicit in the abuse, could have stopped it and (he admits) enjoyed it - hence the crisis of conscience. When he did mention it to anyone he in fact defended the abuser and more or less would say that it wasn't violent and he wasn't hurt so nothing to worry about. This wasn't the way others saw it or how his behavior as an adult showed. Damage was done. He became sexually compulsive as an adult which threatened to ruin his life and relationships. In the end he joined sex addicts anonymous which helped him considerably to understand the basis of his compulsions. As a child he made two suicide attempts.
There is a lot about his Catholic upbringing and his continued belief in the Catholic way of life which runs throughout the book and is a good eye-opener for anyone who is unclear about what effects the Catholic obsession with sin (especially sexual six) can have on vulnerable children. Where I found the book wanting is that his family background is scarcely given much place in the reasoning as to why he found that he had to keep seeing Bob the abuser. He only hints at the role his parents played in him being quite happy to get out of the house and run to the counselor's property in the mountains. It is clear that his father had a drink problem and his mother was depressed creating a horrible tension in the house which made the escape from such an environment welcome to an adolescent boy. There were effectively 3 people then in that abusive circle - one abuser and two enablers. The penny only seems to drop at the end of the book and is not explored - possibly out of respect for his parents which is understandable.

[David Engen · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this is not a topic that one usually pick up for a fun read, no one could have addressed the issue of child sexual abuse better and with more truth than this man. To say he is spiritual is like saying grass is a bit green. Not spiritual in the trite 'Every day with Jesus is nice' cliches we hear tossed about in some books. Instead, Moran shows us his own pain so vividly...and articulates what is difficult to put into words so vibrantly. He does what the most gifted of artists do--he takes pain and transforms it into an experience for the onlooker. We are with him as he deals with his anger and hurt and self-loathing...we are with him as he heals and grows and learns to forgive himself for something he did not do--a common struggle for victims of sexual abuse. It reads quickly yet with depth. It has a quality that I appreciate best about good books--it has portions that force me to stop, think about what I just read...and then read it over again. I hope you gain as much as I did from the reading.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hooked on this book from about the second page, and started actually looking forward to subway mishaps so that I could read more. Incredibly moving, and though the story being told is an extreme one, the issues that are explored in this book are universal.

Oddly enough, while I was reading the book I had the opportunity to meet Martin Moran. (Okay, so I accosted him at Lincoln Center, what?) I nearly started crying telling him how much I loved this book, and he was genuinely moved (and I don't think too creeped out.) I'm really grateful that I got to tell himhowmuch it affected me.

This is a highly unintelligent review.

[Aidan Owen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is very powerful book. Through an examination of his sexual abuse when he was 12, Moran explores the paradox that an encounter with evil can actually become the seed of our own wholeness and salvation. It's a difficult read, at times, as it should be. Well-written and profoundly true.

[Mediaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

This somewhat frustrating book is divided into two parts: "Falling" is about a young boy's first sexual experiences from age 12 to 15, which he later calls molestation; and "Waking" is what happens to him post-teen suicide attempt as he regroups, changes his direction in life, and comes out as gay. The first half is fascinating and gut-wrenching. Told with bold honesty and sensitivity. The last half is disappointing, told with confusion and finger-pointing instead of coming to any true conclusions about why a boy in his early teens would repeatedly have a willing physical relationship with a man 20 years older.

The major problem with the book is that the author quotes word-for-word conversations from when he was a child. It is virtually impossible that these recollections are accurate. He tells minute details about locations, colors, nick-nacks, clothing---all things that no one would be able to remember 30 years after they happened, much less a little boy. I'm not talking about a few; I'm talking about hundreds of insignificant things that are added to pad the story and make it more readable, I guess. But it's so overwritten that you roll your eyes that any 12-year-old would recall such things.

Therefore, the question that's raised is: if Moran "recreates" details of his childhood world in fictional ways, how are we to believe all that he writes of the shameful story of his physical relationship with an older man?

Then, midway through the book, the author starts to tell of how he himself as an adult had a random illegal and immoral encounter with a 16-year-old boy in a rest room! Yet there is no remorse stated, no calling himself a molester. Hee starts talking about other random encounters with men, a "compulsion" he has that is never satisfied. He has a "sex addiction" he says, but all of it is pretty mild and typical for the gay community. His permanent male partner tolerates it, but nothing is said of what the male partner may also be doing to make the situation bad. And none of the story is ever put in the context of the larger male movement that is filled with these types of encounters.

There's also some politically correct misinformation where the author tries to claim that his childhood sexual assaults had "nothing" to do with his becoming gay. That's simply unproveable and illogical.

The real question is what actually happened to him as a boy and what was the level of abuse. Between his alcoholic father, controlling mother who files for divorce, demeaning Catholic educators, the older man who took his virginity, participating in threesomes with the man's girlfriend, and Moran's own suicide attempts, there are many more issues than just a physical relationship with a kind older guy.

I understand that child advocates want to use this book (and the play the author wrote) to focus on the physical part--but the author is clear in saying mostly positive things about the older adult who taught him how to be a man in more ways than one. And the molester is never more than a caricature--we never discover what made him the way he was. The boy, filled with shame due to his Church and parental upbringing and irresponsible adults, wanted to end his life. That may say more about the Church and parents than it does about the man who did the assault. In the end the middle-aged author returns to visit the abuser and seems to still have positive feelings, which just clouds the issue.

It's a very complex issue that isn't as easy as some want to make it. And the author does nothing to help properly resolve it, never reporting the abuse to authorities despite the man thrown in prison for similar abuse of others. In the end the author seems no closer to happiness than when he was 12 years old.

Read in 2014 and 2024.

[Art · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this book up from a book sale at the library. I've not had the same experiences as this author, but I do share a desire to see great grievances forgiven, and it was the forgiveness part of this story that intrigued me.
What a long journey this man went through to get to that part.
Martin Moran's memoir is very detailed. The events of his 3 year sexual molestation and of his own subsequent erratic adult sexual compulsions are narrated without leaving much to the imagination. Often I found myself wincing while reading. One of his intents in writing this memoir was to bring to light the very events that secretly had eaten his very core, so he could continue on a path of recovery. Yes, there are more than a few hopeful chapters. There's some loose ends, too. And he does get to the part where he confronts his molester. This narrative was the result of years of processing a huge sexual violence, and for that I applaud him.

[Joe Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

There was nothing I would have changed about this book at all.

The writing is superb. The writing is clearly carefully crafted, yet seemingly almost conversational, and consistent throughout the book.

The story includes multiple sections of his life, and in each section the story is presented in a beautiful and enjoyable-to-read way. Taking such disparate parts of a life and melding them into such a well-told story could not have been easy, and yet I found it flowed incredibly well.

Finally, the character definition (mostly of the subject character) was perfect. I never felt he wrote about himself in an overly critical or overly flattering way. His ability to step outside himself and present himself to the reader in a seemingly unbiased way made it easy for me to make up my own mind about how appealing a character he is.

One of the few books I've read and loved that many of my trusted co-readers haven't.

[David]

This is a very illuminating book! This memoir of a man who was sexually molested by his counselor at a Catholic overnight camp when the author was 12 years old demonstrates the complications and confusion of sexual abuse without being downright condemning. The author, now 40 years old, is very forthcoming about his lingering feelings towards this counselor and their three year relationship.

As a boy the relationship with his 22 year old camp counselor made him excited and ashamed about having a gay sexual outlet. As the book progresses through the child's life the derangement of his sexual experiences at a young age become trauma that continues to effect him. For much of the book Moran tries to get deeper and deeper into the remnant effects of this abuse. It was impressive to dig in each layer of pain and live out the healing process.

[Robert Starner]

A remarkable book about one man's exploration of self and coping with and overcoming sexual abuse at a very young age. The last 30 to 50 pages are charged as the author begins to explore and make realizations about himself and the abuse he experience and the unanswered questions and feelings that remained and affected his life. A remarkable, honest and open revealing look into this author's psyche. Bravo, and now I really am more disappointed that the author's apperance had been cancelled earlier this week. I hope I allow myself the opportunity to go back and reread this book, there is much to learn here from the author's frank observations and willingness to explore himself and expose himself through his writing, providing the reader a deep, provocative and honestly moving reading experience.

[K.Z. Snow · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75

There's nothing either simple or simplistic about this memoir. It's chilling and poignant and a mile-long buffet of food for thought. I wouldn't be surprised if, six years after his book's publication, the author is still struggling to identify the universal truth at the core of his relationship with his abuser.

I doubt I'll ever be able to process fully this man's journey -- a Gordian Knot of causes and effects, motives and actions and consequences he tried valiantly to slice open with this book ... yet didn't quite succeed. That isn't his fault; in fact, it might not have been his intent to succeed. Still, his effort is breathtaking in its scope and sincerity. And he's a damned good writer to boot.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's an interesting read about Moran's journey from a naive boy to a cynical man who eventually learns to acknowledge that his 3 year relationship with a sexual predator was indeed an abuse relationship. Moran spends the greater part of his life believing his relationship was consensual (and yet he is ashamed of it and keeps it a secret from his loved ones). After the abuse ends, Moran spends years self-loathing and it isn't until a friend drags him to an AA meeting that he begins to recognize the emotions scars the relationship caused. Moran's journey is one full of shame, depression, and eventually forgiveness.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

A painful-to-read but gripping memoir of a Catholic boy's abuse and its life-long consequences. Really well written and
thought provoking. I saw the author do a one-man show version of the story about a month ago that blew me away, and
had to read the book after that. Worth every minute of the time spent.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Martin Moran is a sensitive, insightful writer. Check out his blog post about adapting this book into a screenplay for a fantastic example of his storytelling skills.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Graphic but beautifully written - it is his story - his words and his life. He takes you through his darkest times to his victories. Great book!

[William Burr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself in tears several nights in a row as I put down the book before bed. Although I've never experienced abuse, somehow it felt like Martin Moran was writing for me, especially when he's talking about shame around being gay, and his view of faith. He writes with beautiful honesty and love. It's a story of clutching on to any foothold he can find, just in order to survive. And somehow he does a lot more than survive, even though his demons never go away. I admire his relentless drive to be true to himself, no matter what.

'“To God, the darkest depths of the human heart are as clear as the pages of a book lying open in the sunlight."'

'I gave him what he desired. He spit and I entered him for the very first time and I squeezed him for dear life, for all the many weeks I’d grown older and hadn’t seen him. I fucked him. And after, as he rolled tools into a rag and I tied my boots, I felt more lost than ever. Riddled with shame, terrified that there was no going back now. Ever. Seventh grade and my fate is sealed, I thought. I’ll never be other than this.'

'I felt, even in all the irreverence, in all the courtesans chasing Pseudolus, in all the raunchy jokes, that there was something sacred. A celebration of what’s human and what’s here. I stood there, an essentially ex-Catholic, uncovering a new faith. And when the curtain call arrived I bent my head, my body, into the praise, and felt no quarrel with living, and the voice in my head said: This is joy. Remember this. This exists.'

'The light in his brown eyes, the Hawaiian dope, his fingers brushing my dungarees, I was a goner. His room was tiny. We were knee to knee. I was aware, through the warm hum of THC, that I wanted one thing in the world more than any other. To kiss him. I wanted to hold him and be held. It was clear as clear as anything I’d ever known. Solid and real and vibrant and fabulous. His hand moved up my leg—the sky on the Fourth of July—and written in lights across the universe, across the inside of my buttoned-up head and the gooseflesh of my arms, there it was: Hello, you want this. Here it is. It felt as shocking as it did inevitable.'

'Marion answers most pointedly. “I desire to go all the way for God. Life is only for love, Marty, and sacrifice is the language of love.” “And sacrifice isn’t necessarily deprivation, or suffering,” Sister Grace adds. “It’s an offering. It is a way of drawing close to what we respect and love.” I am amazed at the deep hum of comfort I feel in their presence. '

'Sacrifice is the language of love. I keep hearing the phrase as I gaze at the Palisades during my melancholy ride along the Hudson. I hear it as something true and beautiful, as something to live up to. Then I hear it as something stern and old and oppressively Catholic. When I get home after that first Ossining visit, I go to the dictionary. Sacrifice. Sacrificium: Sacer–sacred; facere–to make, to do. Sacrifice. To make sacred.'

'He took what he wanted, gave what little he could. Why do these things happen? What makes us reach across and take what we want at the expense of another? In one way or another, it rests in all of us, doesn’t it? The capability to harm.'

'Sister Grace, one of the nuns at the Maryknoll Cloister, wrote me a long letter in beautiful cursive. “Your story is a call for complete transparency—a call which you heard on some level of your being. . . . I find it remarkable to hear in the enormous suffering of obsession, the distinct echo of Love’s Passion for Love. . . .”'

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a hard, but valuable book to read. I can't really give it more than 4 stars, because I cannot say I really enjoyed the journey, although I am enriched by it.

Michael Moran had the bravery to write about taboos and to write honestly about his feelings during the time he was molested as a boy and later coming to discover his own homosexuality. One of the best parts was the ability to see how a child is silenced by their molester because they are made to feel culpable. Molesters use this to control their victims... and victims they are. Moran also shows how he was not "lucky" to have sexual experiences so young, but how what should have been touching moments with a contemporary was taken as a prize by an older man. It affected his relationships well into adulthood when he was not able to be fully engaged in the loving relationship he had with a long time partner.

This book also showed the complicated interaction of a strict Catholic upbringing with feelings of guilt and silencing that made the molestation so much more difficult. Yet there is a lovely old aunt, a nun, that Moran develops a loving and continuing relationship with. So he does not portray Catholicism as all bad. In the end, Moran finds and confronts his molester and is able to forgive him in a way--a way that releases the power the molester had over him for so much of his life. We see the old, decrepit molester at the end as somewhat pathetic as he describes feelings of fatherhood for the author as a boy. We can only wonder at what kind of childhood this man had.

I'm sure that Moran's bravery in writing this book and performing a one man play of the same title have helped open the discussion about child molestation and has allowed others who have experienced the same to begin their own healing processes. Anyone who has not had this experience, but works with those that have, would benefit by reading this book.

[Colleen Benelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is well written, thoughtful and honest. It's also difficult to read but do it. At one point I felt his pain and confusion so deeply I wanted to stop reading but I pushed on and was glad I did. More than half the book is about his ongoing recovery. I picked it up because I'm trying to come to terms with the Catholic Church's culture of abuse and cover up. I want to understand the experience of victims. Mr. Moran was abused by a camp counselor not a priest but his Catholic played a big role in how he processed the abuse- most of it negative with some positive moments through positive relationships with a couple of nuns. This book is about trauma and its life long impact. It's something we all need to understand.

[Wide Eyes, Big Ears! · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the audio version of his solo play, actor Martin Moran bravely recounts the true story of his religious childhood and how, as an adult, he confronted the Catholic boys camp counsellor who sexually abused him as a child. Considering the topic, this contains a surprising amount of humour and positivity as well as a thoughtful self-analysis. This won’t be for everyone, but it was a privilege to listen to Martin perform his story in a riveting, well-acted, and almost chatty tone. Survivor stories need to be told and it doesn’t get more honest than this. (currently free on the Audible Plus catalogue)

[Vincent · Rating 5 out of 5]

A startlingly frank and beautifully written memoir which addresses the complexities of sexual abuse and it’s enduring impacts.

It also addresses the havoc that can be wrought by faith and family and how the transformative power of friendship and the drive to answer life’s calling can ultimately transcend.

Somehow, it manages to do this without being preachy or maudlin.

Terrific stuff.

[Peyton Cain · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible. The way Martin Moran expresses the vulnerability of his intensely horrific past while making it a beautiful story that embodies grace and peace is untouched. i’m obsessed will read again!

[Emmie Must · Rating 5 out of 5]

Terrific. I love the honesty and how the author explained what happened to him after the abuse and how that affected him innhis life and his recovery process. Heartbreaking but uplifting at the same time. I wish all the Best to him and his husband.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

A difficult read, to say the least. But in a sense it’s liberating and cathartic for author and possibly, reader alike. It’s a long and jagged road to some semblance of sanity for the author, who contrary to what he tells himself and others for years after he was abused, wasn’t okay.

[Quinn da Matta · Rating 4 out of 5]

It deserved to be read twice.

The power of this story comes from Martin's raw honesty and his ability to express both his physical yearnings and his emotional strife. He says it perfectly in one sentence: "Twelve is too young to be shot up with desire."

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

The thing to give up here, to sacrifice, is the secrets, says Martin Moran.

I feel practically healed of something I can’t differentiate, or won’t assimilate just now, yet not exactly w/regard to the same predicament as young Marty endured in the (2005) book, The Tricky Part ~ One Boy’s Fall from Trespass into Grace.

The author, Martin Moran is currently 55 years old & will be 56 this December 29th (2015), which marks 44 years since his 12th birthday & the foundation of his story about sexual abuse from an older man ~ the ramifications of which & eventual redemption from which, he has thereby been consumed throughout his entire life, with the simple yet fearful need for some sane & urgent resolution.

This book was such a good journey & to paraphrase the subtitle slightly, from sexual trespass into personal grace, since the spiritual element adjacent to redemption is not quite so important, I believe, as the secular requirement to first forgive ourselves for whatever happened, however many years ago. In my opinion, it was not Marty’s fault. Desire aside, the child is never wrong. The adult is always to blame, in my estimation. And the sexual identity of the child should not be considered a fault for the cause & effect of the situation, whether gay or straight.

I am still on the edge of tears, as I just now finished reading this most excellent book & admittedly shed more than a few tears in the midst of several situations in Marty’s somber story, yet told assuredly & completely with clarity. Martin Moran is a wise man, indeed & certainly brave. I can’t imagine what I would have done, after the fact. And I feel dreadful for anyone who couldn’t face their ordeal & their antagonist & sadly lost their battle to survive.

I recently found this book described in a letter Martin Moran wrote in another favorite book called The Letter Q wherein 64 queer writers lovingly write a letter to their younger selves. Marty wrote, ‘you can ask for help,’ & he reminds us all that fate should not be considered fatal ~ ‘because the very thing you are hiding, the very pain that throbs in your heart turns out to be your finest, fiercest teacher.’

I think this book should be shared in sex education classes for adolescents in every school district nationwide. Since I lately discovered that nearly 3 million cases of child abuse are reported every year in the United States. While, more than 4 kids die from child abuse and neglect on a daily basis. Outrageous!

Martin Moran challenges the serious sums of those sad statistics when he writes, ‘it’s the job of a kid to fall in love. And it’s the job of the adult to have boundaries.’

One of the many personal reasons Marty scrutinized to uncover who or what might be responsible for the tangible thing that started his unfortunate episode, was discovered accidentally in a therapy session talking about his Dad, ‘...and I said I felt a fierce longing for my father. A terrible sadness that he hadn’t been there. That I blamed him.
“For what?” she asked.
“For not protecting me!” I blurted.’

But in the end, Marty realizes something more poignant about his perpetrator. ‘I drove away with this feeling that it was really me, not him, I needed to forgive.’

A few more of my favorite phrases from Marty’s story, to remember for my own sake or future task to take honestly in-hand for subsequent re-evaluation are ‘mindfulness and balance’ & that ‘it had to do with awareness’ & that ‘health brings with it peace.’

This straightforward story travels from boyhood to manhood & forever targets the true road to travel, despite the persistent detours. I am inspired by Marty to travel back in time to find some defective fragments lying around the dusty garage in my mind, in eager need of repair. And I am comforted to know as a result of reading The Tricky Part by Martin Moran that there can be a happy ending to a sad story.

Review by Jack Dunsmoor, author of the book OK2BG

[Tex Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 out of 5 stars - Powerful Emotional Read, Pschologically True
This was a powerful emotional read for me. It was by far my fav for the year; and I read quite a bit, some excellent. But what made this special for me, as is often the case with favs, is that I related so personally to this. Martiin Moran's depiction of the psychological trauma and journey to recover was so true and hit so close to home, I had tears in my eyes throughout.

I read this for my Chicago Gay Book Group, and related to them that The Tricky Part was not just how to forgive the abuser, but there were many tricky parts that a person must figure out. And as a way of highlighting what's in the book, I came up with this to share with my group to point out even some of the more sublter tricky parts in the book:

My 8 Steps of the tricky parts (it's not just about forgiving your abuser). For me, the tricky parts are ....
1) Navigating how to live with your abuser, in reality or in your head?
2) Realizing you need help and willing to seek it (professionally, if not, then your social support system).
3)*** Needing to first forgive yourself, before you can forgive others, and overcoming self-blame (as in Ordinary People) (it's not your fault).
4)** Confronting your abuser, but don't expect them to help you. You will have to do the heavy lifting.
5)* Realizing your feelings, behaviors, fears, does not mean you will automatically overcome them - it's a process and needs more work. Self-realization can be overrated, but it's a good step in overcoming repression, fears, self-hate, anger & harm (to yourself and others)..
6) Letting it out, in a safe place with people you trust (family, friends, therapist, pastor) - tell your story, overcome keeping everything secret, and it's cathartic.
7) Embracing, rather than fearing or repressing, your LGBTQ+. It's ok to be who you are, whoever that may be and however that happened, and go with your feelings of love, trust and desires.
8) Accepting it doesn’t go away. You never fully get over it. It’s a life-long process, but hopefully it will get “better” and easier. You will still remember, there may be scars, still some times of feeling hurt, shame, anger or tears, just continue to work at coming to peace with it, with yourself.

I would recommend this to anyone (not just gay) who has been through something similar, to maybe relate to, reflect on, or maybe help understand your experiences. And to anyone who would like to understand more deeply what a loved one or friend has gone through or maybe still is going through, and perhaps help.

[Gay Men’s Book Group-Chicago monthly selection]

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

"It's letting go of the sense that the past should have been any different or better" This quote is from the last page of this book and it is correct, that is the tricky part. That quote really sums up many of the ideas in this book quite nicely. This was a brave book for Moran to write and in that braveness I found weaknesses in my own emotions. This was a very difficult book to read. Not because of the graphic descriptions (which there were) and not because of the subject matter but because of all the "in your face" reality checks it gave. Moran describes his own emotions so well that it hurts. The story can be described as painful yet gripping. There are so many facets to abuse and Moran did a good job at explaining a "victim's" (a word that is a struggle to use) thoughts. How Moran found theater, Christianity's role in his guilt, his family's unacceptance and the world's harsh expectations were wonderfully wove through the story. In summary, the book was amazing, but it was a tough read just for the emotional heaviness of it. One does not have to be a victim or an abuser or a therapist or homosexual to glean amazing insight from Moran's book.