The Goldblum Variations: Adventures of Jeff Goldblum Across the Known (and Unknown) Universe

by Helen McClory

"Fantastic!"—the actual Jeff Goldblum (for real).

The essential companion for any fan of Jeff Goldblum, Hollywood's most beloved and otherworldly icon.

You like Jeff Goldblum. We like Jeff Goldblum. Helen McClory really likes Jeff Goldblum.

So lie back, Jurassic Park-style, and prepare to enjoy The Goldblum Variations, a collection of stories, musings, puzzles, and games based on the one and only Jeff Goldblum as he (and alternate versions of himself) travels through the known (and unknown) universe in a mighty celebration of weird and wonderful Goldbluminess.

Maybe he's cresting the steep bluffs of a mysterious planet on an epic treasure hunt, maybe he's wearing a nice sweater, maybe he's reading from this very book. The possibilities are endless. Treat yourself . . . because all that glitters is Goldblum.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Poetry, Short Stories, Comedy, Fantasy, Audiobook

96 pages, Paperback

First published October 22, 2019

About the author

Helen McClory lives in Edinburgh and grew up between there and the isle of Skye. Her first collection, On the Edges of Vision, was published by Queen's Ferry Press in August 2015 and won the Saltire First Book of the Year 2015. Her second collection, Mayhem & Death, was written for the lonely and published in March 2018.

There is a moor and a cold sea in her heart.

Reviews

[Kelly (and the Book Boar)]

I’m fairly positive I should be insulted no one I know has given me this yet. No Father’s Day present this year!

[Jennifer ~ TarHeelReader · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few thoughts on this treat of a read: funny, insightful, and entertaining, The Goldblum Variations is a zany novella full of fun. The author is a fan of the man herself, and you can feel the love emanating from the pages.

I received a complimentary copy from the publisher.

Many of my reviews can also be found on instagram: www.instagram.com/tarheelreader

[Erin Cataldi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Fucking weird. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. There were a few laugh out loud moments, but really I was almost creeped out by a lot of it. Bizarre doesn't even begin to describe it. From Jeff Goldblum Bingo to transcripts of Jeff Golblum cooking, to jobs that Jeff Goldblum could do, to his past lives. It was freaking weird. All of it came out of Helen McClory's head and even though it was all made up some of it felt "right" and all of it felt wrong, lol. A quick bizarre read.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Calling all fans of Jeff Goldblum. This book is for you. You can call this book a piece of fandom. This is a short book but one that readers will want to read over and over again. In fact, you just might do yourself a favor and purchase two copies. One for reading and one as a keepsake.

I enjoyed reading the various stories about Jeff Goldblum. Although, my favorites were Jobs for Jeff Goldblum, Cooking with Jeff Goldblum, Checking in on Jeff Goldblum on Alternative Earth, Jeff Goldblum Bingo, Scents of Jeff Goldblum, Dressing with Jeff Goldblum, and Choose your Jeff Jeffventure.

As I was reading this book, it was like Jeff Goldblum was leaning over my shoulder reading along with me. The only thing that would have made this book really great is having Jeff Goldblum himself reading this book out loud to me.

[Mindi]

DNF on page 38. I'm pretty open minded, but I don't know what the heck I just read. I can't even give this a star rating. Just...weird.

[Lou · Rating 3 out of 5]

Delightful! Somehow not at all what I was expecting and exactly what I was expecting. It’s short. Just read it. You’ll see.

[Maja · Rating 5 out of 5]

"When I think of Jeff Goldblum, I think of sly roles, rainbow jumpers (I mean all kinds of colours of thread, not just rainbows). I suppose I think of things that are not Jeff Goldblum but adjacent in my mind, e.g. Jeffs I have known, jungles of ferns (the mind just ricochets from suggestion to subliminal to something of comfort).
I think: glisten. I think: chocolatey-brown footsteps. (...)
I think a lot of Jeff Goldblum as a fiction and from there to fictional people I have made in the past.
As though (a comfort and a worry, at once), in a parallel universe, all these fictions (characters, daydreams, half-ideas) are real. And sometimes, just slightly, they remember me, and the readers who bear them aloft in their minds, even only once."

Checking in on Jeff Goldblums on Alternative Earths: In this universe, Jeff Goldblum is a folded corduroy jacket (pale pink) on a shelf in your wardrobe. Oh happy day!

I love everything about this book.

[Angella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good-weird.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a light, quirky read and I really liked the part Choose Your Jeff Goldblum Jeffventure. I feel like that should definitely be a book series.



I won this book for free in a Goodreads Giveaway. Thank you!

[Brandon Forsyth · Rating 3 out of 5]

What did I just read? Was it brilliant pieces of absurdist microfiction? Was it just a bunch of loglines the writer came up with for a meeting with Mr. Goldblum’s agent? Could it be both? UTTER CHAOS.

[Agnes Roantree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly entertaining and thought-provoking collection of dreams and subtle nightmares. There are laugh-out-loud funny parts and brow-creasing ones that make this a balanced piece of engrossing fiction. My favourite was the 'Goldblum experience'.

About audio: good production and narration, easy to listen to.

[Johanna (jojreads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious. Witty. Tongue-in-cheek. Satirical. Odd. Genius. I have never read anything like this before and it was a hoot! I think I best liked Outfits of Jeff Goldblum, Scents of Jeff Goldblum and the choose-your-own adventure. Would love an audio version of this read by Goldblum.

[Reggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeff Goldblum would love this

[Amy (DemonKittie) · Rating 4 out of 5]

*I got a free copy of this in exchange for an unbiased review*

Hahahahaha... I loved it. Not sure what I just read, but it's hilarious.

[Hannah C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gorgeous. Insightful. Breath taking. Inspiring. This should be the new high school curriculum.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

“In this universe, you are Jeff Goldblum...”

Odd and zany much like the great Goldblum himself.

[Joshua Rigsby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has no business being as funny, creative, and well-written as it is.

[Jackie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jeff Goldblum would probably adore this quick and quirky read. It’s offbeat and unusual...

[b · Rating 4 out of 5]

like reading the dream journal that im absolutely positive jeff goldblum keeps

[Melinda Wingate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered what a Jeff Goldblum fan fever dream would be like as a book? Wonder no more! This book is ridiculous in the best way possible. I laughed so much and really enjoyed reading this book. If you like Jeff Goldblum, odd literature, and laughter, then you should check this out.

[Kitty Golden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t even know.. is this art? Maybe? Wild

[tia☕️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

~ gifted by Emi ~

I feel like I just entered Jeff Goldblum’s mind😂 very cleverly written in that respect, clearly by someone who understands Mr Goldblum (as much as he can be understood, in any case), but I have absolutely no idea what I just read😂

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another book that's been on my shelf for years (got an ARC at my indie for a $1 library donation). And it's a short one so it was perfect to help me reach those last books of the year.

And it was HILARIOUS. Like, "audibly laughing at my desk" hilarious. Just so chaotic and wonderful and I think I love Helen MClory.

Iconic.

[Barbara McVeigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great sense of play. Loved the time I spent musing all the variations of Jeff Goldblums (especially those on Alternative Earths and Bingo). For writers, look at all the ways you can approach your subject/obsession.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

A chapbook of purest joy (and the inimitable flash fictions of Helen McClory)

[Startinmerc · Rating 4 out of 5]

This really got me. It really did. This is Barthelme-esque. A big fat four on the door.

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the pleasure of reading The Goldblum Variations in its earlier chapbook incarnation, and it was a fresh pleasure to return to it in this new version. The sheer range and variety of these stories, poems, and excursions of the imagination remind me of favorites like Raymond Queneau's Exercises in Style and Georges Perec's Species of Spaces (and, in another way Lydia Davis' The Cows) in which authors let their minds fly and we're privileged to play along. And while these short pieces are so gloriously, gleefully in tune with Goldblum's celebrity persona, which I admit I'd never really thought much about until reading the book, there are also powerful questions here, amidst all the fun, about what we project onto celebrities and why and what for. Considering that made me think about hope and how in this moment, this messy now of 2019, a book like this — and an imagination like this, like McClory's — is a wonderful, necessary escape from "the way things are" to remind us how important and radical it is to imagination another way they could be. Even in light, playful ways that just let us feel better about things for a bit and as if someone out there (whether Goldblum or McClory!) knows how we feel. It's the kind of reading I, at least, need right now and I hope it finds other readers who may need it, too.

[Christy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book!

[Really loved the Jeff Goldblum pins that were sent, btw :)]

I had different expectations of this book at first - I initially thought I would be getting one of those giant statement coffee table - esque type of books? But this is more of a cute pocket guide type of book. I was picturing like illustrations of Jeff Goldblum in his various roles over the years, etc... But this is more of an artistic interpretation of Jeff Goldblum and what his life could be like if he were a certain personality type and that sort of thing. [does that make sense even?]

It was kinda creepy... but not too creepy. Just enough. I did enjoy envisioning Jeff Goldblum doing normal day-to-day things as well as the various skits / scenarios the author puts him in.

Definitely a fun quirky little book - I would recommend it to any diehard fans of Jeff Goldblum..

[New game - take a shot for every time I put "Jeff Goldblum" in this review ^]

[Tom Jonesman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jeff Goldblum has a persona so simultaneously enigmatic and accessible and endearing that you can only really imagine this chaotic collection of poetic tributes could suit Jeff Goldblum, and nobody else.

As pleasingly strange as some of these tributes are, you can't help but think "That is Jeff Goldblum all over".

A tiny blue man, about three inches high, comes out of a burrow and grants him a wish, but he says he is just as happy without it and offers the man a wheatgrass shot and one of his smaller hats.

Everything from "scents of Jeff Goldblum" to "past lives of Jeff Goldblum" to "Jeff Goldblum's treasure hunt", The Goldblum variations is a sprawling, nonsensical, quantum singularity of a celebration to the idiosyncratic and wonderful Jeff Goldblum.

These are a few of my favourite things.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received this book as part of GoodReads' First Reads program.

This is a very, very short book. I read it on the train in about 30 minutes or less. The author seems to have an unhealthy obsession with Jeff Goldblum, and the book is a collection of sentences and paragraphs about Mr. Goldblum. At first I was amused, but after a short time, it just seemed kind of pointless and tiresome. Maybe I just don't appreciate Mr. Goldblum's charms enough. If you're a fan of the actor, you may want to give this a shot, you may enjoy it.