Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed

by Jay Gordon, Maria Goodavage

Your baby sleeps in your bed, and you love it. Except for those nagging worries about safety. ("She's so small, I'm so big!") And what your relatives are saying. ("She'll never leave your bed!") And that little foot that always ends up on your face.

Worry no more! Good Nights puts your concerns about the family bed to rest, with fun and easy-to-use guidance on safety, coping with criticism, and even keeping the spark in your marriage (albeit outside the bedroom). With warmth and humor, Dr. Jay Gordon, a nationally recognized pediatrician who has endorsed the family bed for decades, and Maria Goodavage, a former USA Today staff writer with training in sleep research, give you everything you'll need in order to thrive - and at times, simply survive - with the family bed. Good Nights provides a comprehensive look

- SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH - Science is uncovering a wealth of advantages, including possible protection from SIDS, for babies who share their parents' bed.

- SURPRISING BENEFITS - Parents of young babies get much more sleep with the family bed! And little ones who spend time sleeping next to parents end up more independent (you read that right!) and closer to their parents than their cribbed peers.

- SAFETY - The authors give simple-to-follow advice on how to make your family bed at least as safe as a crib.

- SOUND SLEEP - Yes, it can be had. Good Nights lets you know how to overcome the obstacles.

- SEX - Ditto.

- SAYING GOOD-BYE - Your child really will leave your bed! Good Nights helps you help your child move on when the time is right.

If you're among the record number of parents turning to the family bed, turn to Good Nights . It's a bedside companion you won't want to be without.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

About the author

In the middle of his residency training, pediatrician Jay Gordon took an unusual step. Deciding that he needed greater knowledge about nutrition, vitamins, and alternative medicine in order to practice medicine the way he wanted to, Dr. Gordon took a Senior Fellowship in Pediatric Nutrition at Sloan-Kettering Institute in New York City. After his residency at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles, Dr. Gordon joined the teaching attending faculty at UCLA Medical Center and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.

Intensely interested in infant nutrition and breastfeeding, Dr. Gordon is the first male physician to sit for and pass the International Board of Lactation Certification Exam. He has served on the Professional Advisory Board of La Leche League for twenty years. Dr. Gordon treats patients at Santa Monica, California. In addition, he finds time to participate in the training of medical students and residents, lecture all over the world, write books, and contribute to AOL with the Ask The Pediatrician weekly chat. He writes a monthly column for "Fit Pregnancy" magazine and has recently contributed to "New York Parent," "Parenting" magazine and has been quoted in the L.A. Times, New York Times, London Times . . . and many other times.

Busy as he is, Dr. Gordon finds that his most challenging job is "being a good husband and the best possible parent to my 16-year-old daughter."

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a should-I or shouldn't-I book -- the author is firmly in favor of co-sleeping. That can be nice if you're looking for reassurance that you're doing the right thing. Or it can be worrisome if you feel you're maybe just getting half the picture. For example, (unless I missed it) they presented what was *wrong* with the 1999 CPSC report against co-sleeping without mentioning the report's actual findings.

I was mainly looking for safety advice, which was just one chapter. The rest of the book was mostly feel-good anecdotal stuff: co-sleeping kids turn out great, here's how other parents started (and stopped) co-sleeping, ways to cope with criticism, etc. I didn't personally find these chapters particularly useful.

My favorite part was the sleep pattern research with babies & adults. (I've just started reading sleep researcher James McKenna's book Sleeping with Your Baby, which may prove to be more what I was looking for.) I also liked this book's point about "co-sleeping" pets -- many people in America allow their pets to sleep in their beds, but they don't allow their babies that same privilege. What an interesting perspective!

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book which opened my eyes to the beautiful world of co-sleeping. Offers helpful suggestions on making it work for all kinds of family situations. Provided solace that the choice to cosleep was right, nurturing, and it helps children develop a strong sense of independence over time, in stark opposition to a book I had just read that stated a child must learn to cry-it-out in order to have a strong, confident upbringing! Provided research showing that crying it out not only severed a bit of trust between parent/baby, but also caused parents difficulty in remaining bonded. Cosleeping is the beginning of respectfully listening to your child's needs, and following your own parenting instincts. That these two books (the cry-it-out vs cosleep) were the very first books I read as a new mom cause me to make a HUGE leap in understanding that no matter what philosophy we embrace in life, there is always a book (or expert) to support (or negate) it. So, may as well follow my instincts, and use these books to help me with nuts & bolts!

[Emma · Rating 2 out of 5]

Most of the book is anecdotal, co-sleeping propaganda. If you're considering co-sleeping, it might be worth checking out for some of the reasons for co-sleeping, but this is definitely not unbiased so you might want to check out other sources also. I read it looking for a solution to all-night nursing, which was getting out of control and my husband and I are not comfortable with cry-it-out. We did find practical and humane tips in the chapter on extending periods of sleep in between nursing . We implemented the steps with some tweaks, and have seen results. However, on Dr. Jay Gordon's website he has an article with basically all the same information as that chapter, so I don't know that reading the entire book is actually necessary.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has really good information for parents thinking about co-sleeping, bedsharing, or whatever else you may call it. But I couldn't get past the jocular tone and cutesy turns of phrases. I much prefered the more straight forward (but still compassionate) tone of "Sweet Sleep," put out by La Leche League International, as well as the age-and-stage approach.

[Janelle Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t intend to co-sleep with my kid but it naturally ended up that way and I’m liking the arrangement. This book had some good information about some of my practical questions about co-sleeping (especially about transitioning my child out of my bed) but not all. Most of the book is about the benefits and safety of co-sleeping, so if that’s what you’re looking for, I recommend this book.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good encouragement of the family bed, with both background and awesome testimonies from kids and parents and grown kids. I was looking for more info on sleeping when baby wakes a lot and it didn't really help in that regard since we already co sleep. Still, encouraging for those interested in family bed.

[Sarah Palaich Heffern · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a little out of date (but not as much as you might expect). Make sure to look up current bed sharing safety guidelines (La Leche League's Sweet Sleep is a great reference). That said this has some priceless tidbits of advice, especially when it comes to transitions from the bed for toddlers.

[Katie M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I desperately wanted this to be the book that explains how to cosleep without doing things like going to bed along with your child at 7pm, or waking up every 3 hours, or being fine with terrible sleep until your kid is a teenager but... this is not that book.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree, for the most part. Even before I read anything the experts had to say. Nice to have my views validated.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another one of those books that I REALLY wish I had read prior to our first daughter's birth. It's so great to know I am not alone and the choices my husband and I made as (then) new parents were not only loving and instinctual, but also a unique gift to give our daughter! Although it is a highly personal decision, co-sleeping and bed sharing was so right for my daughter and our family from the beginning. Literally the very first night at home! (although, I admit that I had NO idea at all what "co-sleeping" or "bedsharing" was at the time; we just ended up doing this because it is the ONLY thing that would give me/us a few hours of precious sleep a night with a baby who from the very beginning wake, scream and cry as soon as she was put to sleep anywhere other than by my side/breast!) At the time, I'm sure we got a lot of eye rolls and talking behind our backs on our decision (for those that we even chose to tell, or who found out, which were very few) and we probably still do, but, now I am very open about it and I do not and will not ever regret our decision for a second. Those times and memories are so tender and dear to me, not to mention a lifesaver as I would NOT have gotten sleep otherwise! My child was very high needs with an extreme temperment. Co-sleeping is just what SHE (and we) needed! And although each baby is different, we plan to do the same with our next baby due in the spring!
I love that the some of the untruths are being dispelled finally a bit with the help of books like this (like studies showing co-sleeping has higher SIDS rates? when in fact these are purely observational studies which typically suffer from confounding factors.) Newer research tries to address these issues like a more recent study showing that babies are actually SAFER in their parents bed then elsewhere, conditioned on the parents not smoking (or taking drugs/having alcoholic habits) of course. When baby sleeps alone in crib the rate of SIDS actually doubles!
It will probably take generations and generations for this to become more widely accepted in America again, but hopefully, it will(apparently formula was supposedly superior to breast milk here in the 60's?!?) And, thanks to non-mainstream publications(that are not dependent on marketing and advertisements from major crib companies/suppliers)AP websites, magazines and books like this, it will make family bed sharing easier and hopefully more accepted for those who wish to do so! Please, for all of us that choose to do so, let's live guilt free and happy!

Thumbs up!

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are you feeling like you're the only person who loves cuddling with your baby at night? You're not alone, and this book, written by a pediatrician, has statistics, stories, and scenarios to give you comfort and confidence in your choice. While co-sleeping isn't for everyone, those who are curious about the concept and those wanting to give it a try will find useful advice here. If you already co-sleep, you'll find facts and encouragement in the face of people who don't agree with your decision. Best part of this book: the chapter on maintaining a healthy marriage when your boudoir is occupied by an extra person. Part that could have used more work: ideas on weaning a kiddo from the bed in a loving manner.

This might not be the first book I'd recommend on the topic, but it's certainly worth the time of reading, especially if you are at a loss when dealing with relatives or others who don't approve of the family bed.

(THIS REVIEW APPLIES TO THE KINDLE VERSION OF THIS BOOK.)

[Molly Taylor · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked this up at LLL meeting after asking the group for their thoughts on night weaning. Read the whole book (it's short) even though there were all of ten pages on how to night wean(which incidentally are prefaced by the authors stating you really shouldn't do it, but if you feel you must, here's how to do it humanely). I'm certainly not a cry-it-out momma and I will confess that one baby makes her way into my bed most nights for a little while. But I also feel like I have limits and needs myself...not sure the authors really acknowledge this. Came away with temporary insanity, completely convinced that I am warping my babies for life by not co-sleeping. It faded quickly and I'm back to my normal pragmatic self. I think we'll keep occasionally nursing at night, co-sleeping only when nothing else works, and shooting for the lofty goal of having two girls who sleep all night in their own beds...so basically not changing a thing!

[Inder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you went with the family bed because your baby would not sleep in a crib to save your life, and now you've gotten used to it, but your child continues to wake up approximately one million times per night to nurse and you are tired of being a 24 hour all night wet bar? This book offers this helpful advice: Cosleeping babies nurse a lot; learn to live with it.

Sigh.

I did appreciate the section on safety (cosleeping is as safe or safer than crib sleeping) and the tidbits of history were really interesting, shedding light on why it is that cosleeping has gotten a reputation for being dangerous when it is clearly not.

Other reviewers found the tips on getting your child out of the family bed, and the "10 day" solution for getting your kid to sleep through the night to be helpful, so I am definitely bookmarking that for later.

[Christy Ford · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bah.
This is really a book on 'why not to use cry it out techniques'. If I was considering those, I probably wouldn't have picked up a book subtitled 'Guide to the Family Bed', now would I?
It spent significantly more time explaining and rebutting arguments from the opposition than it did on how to actually implement what it does recommend. Practical information was preciously thin - pretty much one chapter, which contained nothing that isn't already easily available on James McKenna's website.
It also spent an entire chapter on places to have sex other than the bedroom. Sorry, a few ideas aren't amiss I suppose, but if I need that much detail, I'll consult a book on that topic (or just a floor plan to the house and map of the neighborhood, as the author seems to do).
Anyway. Bah. Got nothing out of this.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have read so damn many sleep books. My review here really isn't about the advice in this book - if you want to cosleep (which we do) it offers some helpful tips and is really supportive. If you want to let your kids CIO, then this is not the book for you.

However, of all the sleep books, the actual writing is good - cohesive, cogent, and not repetitive, like some of the other books on the market. It's clearly well edited, as well (as opposed to say, Weissbluth's book).

Anyway, like most baby sleep books, it is better to read before the baby arrives (not that I did). I picked it up looking for help with some of the sleep problems we are having right now (frequent night wakings) and I can't say it offered to much guidance for that. But, again, that's really not the point of this review.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 2 out of 5]

• Good Nights’ first chapter is the best answer I’ve ever read as to why one should bed-share. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who was questioning whether co-sleeping or bed-sharing was for them. My reservation with this book is that the chapter on how to safely bed-share actually makes it sound like nothing is really safe and might actually scare people out of bed-sharing. Since I’d been bed-sharing for a year and a half before reading this book, I didn’t feel like it had anything new to offer me outside of being able to use the reasons for bed-sharing in chapter one to answer naysayers. Beyond that, I preferred The No Cry Sleep Solution and The Baby Sleep Book as resources for nighttime parenting.

[Kelly Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was looking for a co-sleeping book that included practical advice for making the transition out of the family bed. This book has plenty of practical advice on that topic and many other common co-sleeping concerns! I got it from the library, but I'm going to order a copy to own so we can have it as a reference if we need it.

My favorite parts are a FAQ with common questions about co-sleeping issues and advice on how to address them, a chapter about how to maintain intimacy with your partner, advice on coping with co-sleeping naysayers, and a chapter all about transitioning out of the family bed.

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this because I was getting a lot of unsolicited advice about sleeping habits and the cry-it-out method. We had decided to co-sleep and were loving it but still working out some of the kinks.
I liked the advice they gave but didn't feel like it was anything new from what I had already read online or discussed with co-sleeping friends. He devotes a great deal of page space to intimacy with your partner which seemed to muddle the questions I had about my baby's sleeping habits. Also, and this is not that big of deal, but I think he is trying to be funny a lot of the time and...well, he's just not. ;)

[Lea Minniti · Rating 3 out of 5]

It offered a lot of positive and important educational information about co-sleeping, but painted too rosy of a picture of it, in my opinion. What about babies who don't blissfully sleep through the night in mom's arms? What about 9 month old babies who thrash and cry and wake up 5 or more times per night and do not simply nurse without rousing mama then fall back asleep? I wanted some tactics for challenges when co-sleeping, but didn't really get them. So, in a way, it affirmed our decision to move baby to the crib, even though we really love[d] co-sleeping and support the philosophy.

It's a really easy and quick read, and the tone was very informal.

[Harmony · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought this was good book for the most part. A definate read if you are considering the family bed. I like his take on there being middle ground and LOTS of suggestions for how to do things. Very respectful - he says right out that if anyone in the family is uncomfortable with the concept or can't sleep that you should reconcider if the family bed is right for you. Some chapters I found less helpful but enjoyed the book as a whole.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. It was a quick read. I'll be keeping it just for a few references (i.e. transitioning out of the family bed). Much of the advice offered seemed common sense, at least for me, but it's reassuring to know that our parenting choices aren't completely out of line with other people. I think it would have been more meaningful for me if I would have read it before the baby came, though.

[Leynadawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Again, I enjoyed the book because it made me feel good and well grounded in our parenting approach; however, it didn't give any new info or advice for parents who enjoy co sleeping but also want their baby to learn to sleep better. We do a part crib part family bed approach at our house and they didn't mention this once. The testimonials from "family bed graduates" were very fun to read. Oh well, I tried!

[Stefanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

at the time, I wanted this book to offer a look into the future of what the family bed would be like over time, and answer any unanswered questions I had. looking back at it now, I think it did a great job of cementing my belief- and helping my case when trying to convince my husband that we should stick with it as well. : )

[Mindee Boling · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book! It teaches all about the physical, emotional and psychological needs of a baby and the benefits of the family bed. Even if you think co-sleeping with your baby isn't for you, I recommend reading the book and learning what you can; it may just change your mind, and get you a better night's sleep in the process.

[E.d. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book with plenty of scientific references that backs up co-sleeping. This book says co-sleeping is the best thing for the baby and how there is no such thing as 'teaching' the baby to sleep on their own.

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a quick, easy read that was enjoyable. I liked the informal tone. Not a super detailed book, mostly just an overview of what the family bed is and how to implement it. Definitely had interesting and helpful information, but I wish it had more specific advice for co-sleeping.

[Sirpa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice book written by a pediatrician about co-sleeping. Helps to feel good about the decision to sleep in a familybed and handle other people's criticism.

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel good about the decision to let our daughter sleep with us -- instead of feeling guilty about it all the time.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's nice that someone finally wrote a simple book on attachment night-time parenting that is accessible and friendly.

[Dolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great advice for parents who want to practice attachment parenting