A brave and moving account by football's first whistle blower, breaking the silence on the scandal of sexual abuse in youth clubs and junior teams. Andy Woodward was a wide eyed, hopeful footballer playing for Stockport Boys, when Barry Bennell first noticed him. Andy was 11 years old, and Bennell a youth coach with a big reputation for spotting and nurturing young footballing talent. The clubs Bennell worked for and the parents of the boys he coached, trusted and believed in him, inviting him into their lives and their homes. But behind the charismatic mask was a profoundly evil man willing to go to any lengths to satisfy his own dark appetites. Andy has been heralded a hero for speaking up about his horrific experiences at the hands of Bennell, but also at going further to expose the long hidden abuse buried within our nations' best loved sport. His story is only the tip of the iceberg. Andy's childhood was shattered by what happened to him and by the fear and silence that surrounded it. His youthful dreams of playing the game he loved were utterly broken, and years of living with the terrible secret and shame all but destroyed him. He hopes that by coming forward he might encourage others in similar situations to find the courage to speak out. A compelling and relevant story of the dark secret at the heart of football and another chapter in the ongoing expose of institutionalised corruption.
‘Even if they knew anything, everybody was either too scared or had too much to lose.’
Andy Woodward’s story is one of the most harrowing I’ve ever read about. What happened to him at the hands of Barry Bennell was appalling and to this day, when we remember how it was allowed to happen, the story remains scandalous. I find it utterly disgraceful that unfortunately his story is not unique. The abuse which he suffered is equally as horrendous as hundreds, if not thousands of others.
Woodward had a dream to be a professional footballer from a young age. Barry Bennell groomed Woodward under the guise of helping achieve this ambition, but also his entire family. What Bennell did to Woodward is pure evil and some of the details are horrific. Naturally, as we struggle to come to terms with what he must have endured, we are intrigued by his journey.
One of the most incredible features of the book is Woodward’s pure honesty. He communicates as if he is speaking to us, not taking any emotion for granted. He wanted to tell his story his own way, not to be told by anyone how to do so. Not only is the systematic abuse committed by Bennell horrifying, but it is all within a wider, unbelievable story which kept Woodward tied to his abuser for years and years. For this, I have nothing but complete admiration for his inner strength. I do not know how he survived this turmoil.
I found the book so much more revealing than I was expecting. How so many finer details tie into a wider process of crime and evil within the Bennell family is hard to comprehend. However, this is the reality for Andy Woodward and his family and I urge every football fan to read about his story. This, of course, is a story which transcends football, but it is also hauntingly specific to the grassroots of the sport of the pathological influence of many exploitative youth coaches. Justice through the implementation of the law is still not enough for so many of people like Woodward.
It is comforting to know that in light of Woodward’s newspaper interview with journalist Daniel Taylor and on television, many other men who endured abuse at the hands of youth football coaches have come forward to share the awful details of their experiences. I hope that the culture of submissiveness which existed in the 1970s and 1980s is being eradicated once and for all now, but so much more has to be maintained in order to sustain that standard of safeguarding.
This a book which was hugely difficult to read at times, particularly when Woodward talks about Bennell’s instigation of sexual abuse, which went on for years. This being said, we owe it to Woodward and other victims of such abuse to read about his story. Bennell ruined Woodward and many other mens’ lives. He took away their youthful innocence in the most haunting ways and showed no remorse at all. He is a selfish and severely ill man. As the judge who sent him down in 2018 said, he is ‘the devil incarnate.’
How Bennell normalised and pulled other boys into his deceitful web of grooming is unfathomable. It is therefore so important to laud Woodward for his immense bravery in coming out, let alone how he put his experiences into words so eloquently and frankly. This is essential reading for the nation.
(This review was first published by Soccer America in December 2019)
The first 10 years of Andy Woodward's life were just as they should have been for a young lad growing up in northern England during the late 1970s. His extended family was stable, his parents were loving and supportive, school was fun, annual holidays were a treat, and he spent all of his free time playing soccer. He was good too. Good enough to be spotted by a talent scout and youth coach connected with Manchester City and third division Crewe Alexandra, Barry Bennell.
Like Woodward, you spend much of the book looking back at that idyllic first decade and wishing that somehow it could be retrieved. Bennell, now serving jail time for sexually abusing hundreds of young soccer players, stalks the rest of this book like the monster that he is. "Thinking back," writes Woodward in this devastatingly honest memoir, "those first ten years of my life were like my own version of a perfect childhood. All smiles. Just look at the pictures. But all that was finished now. Finished for good."
Just weeks after Woodward joins the coach's youth team, he and another player, Paul, are invited to spend the weekend at Bennell's house. It's a fantastic setup -- there's a pool table, a slot machine, a jukebox, a fish tank, and a room full of soccer gear. The kitchen's filthy, but what does a 10-year-old boy care about that?
Bennell has a pet monkey. They drive around to soccer games. At night they watch explicit horror videos on the sofa. Bennell puts his arms around the boys to comfort them and invites them to share his bed because they're scared. The sexual abuse starts almost immediately, and in Woodward's case lasts for the next six years. During this period he is raped hundreds of times, but is too terrified and wracked with guilt to utter a word. He and Paul never talk to each other about what they experience every weekend in Bennell's hell-house.
Woodward's parents suspect nothing, having been charmed by Bennell from the start. "Some people have that gift for talking to people," Woodward observes. "Bennell had it: he'd seem so warm; softly spoken and gentle, making the person he was talking to feel as if they were special." It's not just the young player and his parents that Bennell grooms. He also impregnates Woodward's younger sister, Lynda, and then marries her. Woodward is too full of shame to say anything, because that's what he's felt from the second his coach first lays hands on him: "I was a victim from that moment onwards. And, for all victims, shame is the poison that seeps into the rest of your life."
Why does Woodward say nothing to his parents? "Me being happy - seeming to be happy - was the most important thing in the world for them. That just made it more unlikely that I'd ever say anything that was going on or give them any reason to suspect that things weren't what they appeared to be." Only being out on the soccer field is a partial escape from Bennell's manipulative use of "fear, excitement, flattery." Even then, there's a connection - the one and only time he manages to reject Bennell's advances, he is immediately dropped from the team for the following day's game.
As he grows up, Woodward is good enough to train with Crewe Alexandra's first team. The adult players make knowing remarks in the locker room about Woodward being one of "Bennell's bum-boys." Many of them had come through the same system, and would have been subject to the same abuse. So, people obviously knew -- within the club, and within the game. Some boys left the youth team without explanation. The author wonders if they said something to their parents. But those parents never spoke up either.
"When the abuse stopped, maybe you'd imagine all the rest of it stopped too," writes Woodward of the time he became too old for Bennell's enjoyment and exploitation. "The reality, though, is that once Bennell was in your head, he was in there for ever. Like a stain that had spilt on to your soul." Woodward's career suffers through his susceptibility to panic attacks, and the medication he takes for anxiety and depression. He drinks too much, and makes his way through four marriages, incapable of conducting a steady relationship (although his five sons offer solace and a barrier to suicide). While he never absolves himself from his own bad decisions during his adult life, he's always looking for confirmation from any woman who pays him attention that he's not gay, that he's "normal."
When repeatedly pressed by police officers investigating Bennell, Woodward finally speaks for the first time about his abuse. By then he's in his mid-20s. It doesn't mean closure, not by a long way (there's no follow-up counseling), but it's the first of several hard steps on his way to dealing with the horrific trauma perpetrated by a man who should never have come within 10 miles of a soccer field. All of those steps involve talking about what happened.
"I needed a key," he explains. "And I found it when I realized what it was in me that had made the darkness fall; that had made things happen that shouldn't happen to anyone happen to me. What had locked me up was silence: my silence. And the silence of others... I found a voice. A voice I could use to speak up for myself and, maybe, to speak for others."
Anyone involved in youth sports, schools or church organizations should read this brave, distressing and indispensable book. It's arguably the most important soccer book that's ever been written, because if it ensures the safety of only one vulnerable child, or aids the recovery of a single victim, then its publication will have been worth every drop of ink, every painful self-examination of Woodward's damaged soul. It will move you, it may even depress you, but you won't stop reading, and you'll be thankful that you took the time to accompany the writer on his courageous struggle to find himself. Never mind the celebrity player hagiographies: this is the soccer book of the decade.
It is really hard to write a review for this book as it has left me somewhat dumbstruck. It’s a difficult, bleak and harrowing read but it’s also an incredibly important story and one which has and hopefully will bring about change, change that will stop animals like Bennell ever being able to get to young boys and destroy lives, abuse their position of trust and prey on vulnerable, helpless victims. There is a huge amount of detail in this book which makes for uncomfortable reading but has to be said to understand the magnitude of the situation. There is also a lot of detail that I just didn’t know. I just hope that when Clive Sheldon QC’s report is finally issued that justice is done and all those who should be made accountable and called into question are. And that it is not further delayed allowing some sort of closure and answers. Most of all I hope that this never ever happens again. There has to be change. In speaking out Andy and the other men have undoubtably saved lives and changed the future for the better
The VERY shocking true story of footballer Andy Woodward who was spotted by soccer scout and pedophile Barry Bennell who then proceeded to destroy Woodward's life on many different levels.
This book is so thorough and detailed. It also goes into the psychology of being an abuse victim which is very much needed.
The book also lifts the lid on the psychology and motivation of a narcissist and psychopath. This book could be read by the casual reader and also set as a text by those training to become counsellors, psychologists and therapists as it's so revealing and nuanced. A rare achievement.
A harrowing read of how a psychopath physically and mentally abused not just Andy Woodward but many other malleable youngsters. Bennell not only manipulated the young boys, he also cosied up with some of their parents. Outwardly giving an image of being likeable and helpful. An evil man who finally got his just desserts and won't be out of prison until he is an old man. Personally I would rather he died in prison. Bennell isn't the only abuser inside and outside the world of football. As for Crewe Alexandra, their denial and lack of proper investigation stinks.
Outstanding. Andy Woodward tells of the sickening abuse he endured as a child and emerging professional footballer from serial abuser Barry Bennell. It honestly depicts the effects such abuse has on those on the receiving end, even decades later.
Very often victim-survivors of abuse are asked, if these things happened, why they didn't speak sooner. Woodward's account depicts why so many feel compelled into silence - doubting themselves, the fear of not being believed, the inequality of power, not wanting to hurt or implicate friends and family, not wanting to lose other dreams and ambitions along the way. In Woodward's case, his whole family were chillingly groomed. He also highlights how the interests of others can prevent them from noticing (or reporting) the abuse they suspect others are receiving.
Read alongside Rachael Denhollander's 'What is a Girl Worth?' this account highlights the duty of care we have to young sportspeople, and to children and vulnerable people more widely.
Being a Crewe Alex fan and also a son who played for the Academy at this period plus all the upset and media furore about it this book seemed a like a good read. Whilst I knew of the rumours at the time, I didn't actually the author or the main protagonist - Bennell; it makes interesting reading. The sad part is that because of the deviousness of Bennell the author couldn't state his problem at the time or for a long period afterwards and this book goes some way to help your understanding of the dilemma that he - and many others - had to put up with. I knew at least one of the boys father and some players and had absolutely no idea what his son or Bennell was doing. It's all very sad. Hopefully things are much better although since Bennell and his ilk are so devious no doubt it could happen again
I’m not a football fan. I didn’t know who Andy Woodward was. I am a woman and a mum, but it was the social worker in me that lead me to this book, This book is the most relevant book I have read in the last year, every parent, every sports club and every one who is supposed to be safe guarding children needs to read this book or research this man. What he has been through his heartbreaking and his trauma has ruined his marriages and meant that he hasn’t put his whole into being a parent, because he couldn’t, he was too shut off because of the secret he was keeping. If we all safeguard to our highest capabilities and make it our job then more children shouldn’t have to go through what Andy and his family have been through. I am so glad you spoke out Andy and I am so glad that that monster is now dead. Your a credit to the sport, your so brave!
I almost feel guilty for enjoying this book. Enjoying is definitely not the right word. It's a deeply disturbing account of the life of a talented young boy/man who became a victim of the most horrendous, evil man who held a Position of Trust. It's an emotional and immersive journey for the reader. It's something that happened in my lifetime and I dearly hope it's not still happening. Am I confident of that, unfortunately no, but I do so hope that as a consequence of Andy writing this account of his life, we are more aware as a society and question things about our children's behaviour and ask questions of those people in who we place the safety and well-being of our children.
This is a harrowing read, as would be expected from the content. However, Andy is incredibly brave for telling his story and he doesn’t hide any details about the situation, or the difficulties he’s faced in life after the fact.
It showcases how incidents of abuse can haunt someone for a lifetime, and hopefully this story has helped football positively in the long run.
Absolutely brutal account of sexual abuse. My deepest respect to the author for being able to talk about it so openly. Slightly repetitive and a struggle to make it through to the end but it’s an important book on one of the biggest scandals football has ever known.
A really harrowing and honest account of Andy Woodward's formative years, and the wider consequences of childhood abuse. A disturbing but important read.
I did not finish this book purely because of how detailed it is, I couldn't bare it. But kudos to the author to be brave enough to write about his trauma like that.
This is a very brave and sad memoir of terrible events that happened to a young footballer. Told with honesty and the persons emotions were vivid in the writing. Readable for all even if not got knowedge of the football world.
I have read quite a number of soccer biographies and memoirs in my Goodreads 'footie' bookshelf, but this book tops the lot! Andy Woodward's searing exposure of paedophile Barry Bennell in his 'Position of trust' is as harrowing a read as its possible to find. I find it difficult to construct the words to review this publication. Disturbing doesn't come close. When I played school football in the 1950's it was in school on Saturday mornings. There was no junior football then. When my son was five years old I became exposed to the present day junior football world, I ran a local junior team, coaching them along with my son. The kids were great, but the parents, mums as well as dads were a pain! I witnessed child abuse. Not sexual abuse, but verbal bullying from parents. The Junior F.A.'s did nothing to suppress this. When my son at ten years old was picked out for a pro football club's centre of excellence I was glad to escape. I have always viewed the English F.A., as well as the international governing bodies, as pathetic and useless authorities. Now, I wouldn't part with a penny through any turnstile in the land. Today I have a season ticket at Rugby Union. The sports book of 2019? It gets my vote!