The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt

by Ruth Andrew Ellenson

A hilarious and provocative collection of original essays by some of today’s top Jewish women writers—including Aimee Bender, Daphne Merkin, and Rebecca Walker—exploring all the things that their rabbis warned them never to discuss in public.

Have you ever heard a grandmother’s biological clock tick? Are you certain that a piano is about to fall on your head, simply because too many good things have happened to you lately? Would your own mother out you as a lesbian at her Yiddish club? The Modern Jewish Girl’s Guide to Guilt is a laugh-out-loud funny pull-no-punches collection of original essays on topics that aren’t usually talked about—much like the recent bestselling anthology The Bitch in the House.

o Molly Jong-Fast, author of Normal Girl and daughter of Erica Jong, writes about displeasing her therapist in “Tell Me About Your Mother.”
o Tova Mirvis, author of the bestselling novel The Ladies Auxiliary, writes about the pressure to be perfect in “What Will They Think?”
o Lori Gottlieb, author of the bestselling memoir Stick Figure, writes about trying to outwit her mother using caller ID in “Conversations with My Mother.”

Also includes pieces by: Jennifer Bleyer · Pearl Gluck · Rebecca Goldstein · Lauren Grodstein · Dara Horn · Rachel Kadish · Cynthia Kaplan · Binnie Kirschenbaum · Ellen Miller · Katie Rophie · Laurie Gwen Shapiro · Susan Shapiro · Ayelet Waldman, and many more.

Genres: Jewish, Nonfiction, Anthologies, Humor, Essays, Judaism, Memoir

320 pages

First published August 18, 2005

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update --- I was talking with a friend about short stories about an hour ago-- and this one came up in conversation.
It might have a goofy title --but some of the stories are rather serious -- others very funny.
With the Jewish High Holidays around the corner -- this might be a good choice for my Jewish friends.

Or --if looking for a *palate cleanser* --this book could do the job! What is great --is that all the contributors ARE professional WRITERS. The authors tell true stories --short stories of things from their own lives. Its good!!


......Old review: below!

I'll read this book many times ---(pick a short story to read to a friend that I think she SHOULD read ---or MUST read).....

Every Woman ---(Jewish ir not)---will find 'something' to relate to in this book.---

I've got to share about this morning ---when I was reading one of the stories to my husband --AND his employees ---(over the phone---on SPEAKER phone). About 4 people were listening to me read them a page in the book where I was DYING laughing....
(laughing sooooooooooooooo hard I almost could not get out the words).

The story was about a 30ish year old woman who got a private caller ID phone to help keep her mother at bay. Of course Lori, (the daughter --Perfect of course---never calls her mother enough --and avoids her mothers calls as much as possible). Lori's brother (Lori calls him a 30ish year old mama's boy)-- does NOT avoid his mothers calls... (the perfect son).

Anyway---the funny page this morning on that speaker phone was about a conversation with Lori and her mother. (yes, even with caller ID --she talked with her mother sometimes). ---

Mom told Lori she went to a cemetery --a new one in town--just lovely--(everyone is giving it wonderful reviews)-- so she bought a plot for herself and Lori's dad.
Oh--and she bought a plot for Lori's brother...(and Brad is young and healthy as a horse)


Lori said....."why'd you get one for Brad and not me"?
Mom said...."we didn't think you'd want one. You're always avoiding family occasions."

"This isn't a family occasion!" I say incredulously. "I don't want to be a homeless dead person! What if I am all alone?

"You won't be alone, mom says. just don't be so picky with men.

Suddendly it hits her...Lori is left 'plot-less' --so she will go out and marry the next guy that asks, just so she'll have a burial partner.

So...She asks her momn..." I should get hitched as insurance for the afterlife"?

Mom says..."well, I wouldn't put it like that, but you know what they say: Happily ever after"


GREAT GEM of a book!!!

To die laughing..........(and enjoy with your friends)

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, here's another book that had a newspaper blurb on that back that said FUNNY! and I said, well darnit, I like funny books, I'm modern (in a warped kind of I don't like change kind of way), I'm Jewish, I'm a Girl, I've got plenty of Guilt (as I argue anyone with a mother does!) that book sounds like it's for me!! Well, not so much with the funny. Most of these essays were written to be heartwarming and loving and how their relationships with their mother's have eventually evolved because their mother's actually did know a little bit of what they were talking about (I suspect kugel kickbacks at this point...) which is fabulous and it was a great book. It just wasn't the kind of book I was hoping to read at that time. I needed a book that had stories like my Aunt Diane walking across the dance floor at my father's wedding with her dress tucked into the back of her pantyhose...etc, etc. Anyway, wonderfully heartwarming, a little short on the funny.

[Alisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! Jewish people are incredibly neurotic. This helped me understand and accept that.

[Francesca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Of course I'm biased b/c I was a contributing essayist, but I think the collection is witty, warm and spot-on. It highlights the best qualities of guilt.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

personal reflection...here I come!

[Jana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really easy to relate to essays on life as a "Modern Day Jewish Girl". Its always wonderful to sit back and see a part of one's life studied from different perspectives.

[Danielle]

My friend Wendy recommended this collection of essays and it's gotten rave reviews on this site. Bonus - I've read books by several of the contributors to this collection!

[Carolynn Duncan]

Awesome book. Great stories of the conflict Jewish women have in forming their identity and relationship with their religion and culture.

[Ilana Joy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few of the essays were great. The rest, eh.

[Niyana Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a collection of different pieces written on guilt, experiences, and differences from diverse Jewish women. Each writer has a different encounter they talk about. Majority of them are about growing up with their families practice Judaism more strictly than others. From reading the essays and stories, I come to the conclusion that Jewish women have trouble with realizing their identity and relationship with their religion and culture. When getting an initial glimpse of the book I had an expectation of family stories and the feeling of judgment and being an outsider. My expectations were somewhat met, each author has the similarity of being pressured to glorify Judaism. Each author is diverse and has different aspects of life as a Jew. It seems they were all raised to have the same mind and beliefs but differ in their own way. Some are more serious in their religion but some are more relaxed and enjoy life without worrying about stern restrictions.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book of individual story essays. Some of the stories are humorous, others less so. A few of the essays were un-relatable for me while others really resonated. I especially enjoyed the stories on J-date, traveling in Paris at the height of Monica Lewinsky’s notoriety, and body image.
While “guilt” is a universal experience among Jews, how we experience it as women can be quite defining. My own mother (May her memory be a blessing) was a travel agent for guilt trips, so I really “get it.”
I would give this book a 3.5 but rounded down because I wish it had been funnier and also could have benefited from some editing in terms of length.

[Jonathan Katz · Rating 4 out of 5]

(I suppose I should explain. I have two teenage [Jewish] daughters, and one of them was assigned this book in school. Besides, I’m not aware of a similar book for Jewish boys.)

You’ll probably be annoyed by many of these essays, especially if you’re observant. (Most of the essays are negative toward traditional religious practice.) But it’s still interesting to read what other people are thinking and feeling, and especially important if you have children who might align more with the authors’ points of view than with their parents’.

[Emma Sass · Rating 4 out of 5]

some of the stories were written better than others. one of them really had me laughing. in general it was an interesting read

[Nanaz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the essays were better than others. You can tell that some of the writers were older than others. I found an author that I will look for more of her books.

[jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ruth Ellenson, the editor of this collection clearly worked overtime to gather a diverse group of women contributors to her "Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt." Much of the material here covered, dating, mothers, grandmothers, marriage, surely will come as no surprise and while well written will hardly rankle. Others, however, like Rabbi Sharon Brous's explanation of the tribulations of being a woman Rabbi will surely give much food for thought. Likewise the offering of novelist Aylete Waldman, as well written statement of Jewish anti-Zionism as one can find, will surely make more than a few readers uncomfortable. All the authors, or at least almost all of them, however, manage to mix a dollop of humor into their offering, keeping it entertaining even when topics turn weighty.

More than a few commentators have observed that we are living in an age of the renaissance of the essay as a form, whether on NPR's `This American Life' or the blogosphere. Ellenson here demonstrates how entertaining and provocative one can be when gathering contributions by a group of smart and thoughtful people. Generally funny, rarely preachy, and with enough schmaltz to make you giggle, this work will make a fine companion for summer travelers or even if you are just sitting around feeling guilty that you can't manage to get away.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book of essays by Jewish women about guilt and being a Jewish woman. Not as "lol" funny as I anticipated (except for my favorite essay by Sheryl Zohn entitled "Holidazed and Confused"). Other favorites include the introduction by Ruth Andrew Ellenson, "You Sit in the Dark, I'm Coming Out of the Closet" By Kera Bolonik, "True Confessions of a J-Date Addict" by Amy Klein and "Great, My Daughter is Marrying a Nazi" by Jenna Kalinsky.

There was one essay in here that I could not understand or relate to at all and thought "what is she talking about?" and some negative stereotypes of Jewish women in some of these essays which I thought did not apply and were outdated ideas even for 2005 but these were few and far between and for the most part, I really enjoyed the book.

The writing is excellent and interesting and diverse (although I would have liked more diversity of women and opinions in this book). Love books like this because you can jump around and you don't feel "guilty" about it! This is a perfect summer read! If you are like me, you won't feel guilty about not having to put it down!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the most part, I really enoyed this collection of essays by Jewish women - less for their thoughts on the issues of guilt than for reading about the varieties of their experiences as Jewish women. Lori Gottlieb's "My Private Caller" should not be read anywhere public, because I found myself laughing embarrassingly loud when reading about her relationship with her mother. i also loved Rebecca Goldstein's "Philosophers with Wombs", discussing the evils of the housedress; Pearl Gluck's "Shtreimel Envy, on making peace with her Hasidic/modern family; Amy Klein's "True Confessions of a JDate Addict", and the poignant "Great, My Daughter is Marrying a Nazi", by Jenna Kalinsky.

[Dara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Over Rosh Hashanah, I read what was definitely the oldest book on my TBR shelf based on publication date – The Modern Jewish Girl’s Guide to Guilt was published in 2005! I only owned it since 2019, but its almost 20 year old publication date did make some of the essays feel a bit dated. ⁣⁣This book of essays features much younger now more well known writers such as Dara Horn and Lori Gottleib on the concept of guilt and more specifically Jewish guilt. This made me think about what causes someone to feel guilty, and I think it comes down to feeling caught between two worlds or identities or what you want and what someone you love wants for you. It was interesting to me for that reason, though some of the essays were more entertaining to me than others. ⁣⁣

[Davida · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for any female that grew up Jewish! The first essay in the book opens with a story about how whenever the author feels good about life, she imagines a piano falling out of the sky that is targeted specifically to land on her. Oh the times I have felt the same way! For anyone who has ever wondered if they are the only neurotic one in the room, this book is a good reminder that there are tons of people out there in the world just like you. Added plus that the book also touches on the differences between American Jews and Israelis and the tension that can exist in inter-faith dating.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I picked up this book at half price at the local bookstore. For anyone who is jewish or interacts with a jewish family, it's a must read. Some of the authors were too religious for me, but even then some of their experiences were still common to the way I was raised.

I'd recommend this book for anyone to understand the roots of modern american jewish culture. It's a fun laugh out read at times, and at the same time, it sends a clear message that today's american jew is very different than her mother.

[Rachel S · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover and the title (the latter to a lesser extent) do this book an injustice. Looking at it, you may think it's chick lit. It's not. There is something profound to a good number of these essays, earnest, authentic and heartening, that a silly cover undermines. These are some of our most prominent Jewish women writers, and the essays reflect this, with insights that resonated with me on a psychological and perhaps existential level. I may or may not enrich this review later with my personal essay favorites, but it's enough to say that I really enjoyed and savored this collection.

[Tipsy Pixy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great collection of different essays written on guilt from different Jewish women. It touches base on little things that get to you, to the most difficult. Each writer has a different experience they talk about and backgrounds. So, whether the most strict of practice to those who don't practice at all, there is a story for you. Some are quite funny others very serious. If you are a Jew, this will really speak to you. It did for me.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy, fascinating read. I found this in my closet at home and read it on the plane back to Chicago. The cover and the title do kind of belie the seriousness of several of the essays, although most of them are humorous. Not only did I identify with so much of what was discussed (okay, not the marriage/kids stuff, although I expect I'll get there!), but it inspired me to go looking for more reading on a similar subject.

[Alla · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a collection of stories written by Jewish women with different levels of belief, observance, and connection to Judaism, but with various stories of family, romantic and religious confusion with which most women will identify. I wouldn't recommend every story, but found some of them to be quite insighful and amusing.

[Mikie Benedict · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not just for Jews, this collection of short stories is touching, humorous, heartbreaking, giddy, intelligent, and so much more. But more importantly? My childhood best friend's sister is one of the authors. A great read.

[Paul Mendelowitz · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an enjoyable book. Despite its whimsical title there were actually some serious essays on women's current connections to Judaism and the guilt they felt for not being connected or more observant than they were.

[amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

some stories are very funny. many of them came from a more religious upbringing than i.... but definitely could realte.

[elita · Rating 2 out of 5]

A collection of essays by various Jewish women. Another one I wanted to love, but could barely get through. Most of the essays were downright boring, save Rebecca Walker who is always amazing.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard the editor speak this month.

I am enjoying reading the variety of short stories.

[Alexis]

The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt by Ruth Andrew Ellenson (2005)