Like Falling Through a Cloud: A Lyrical Memoir

by Eugenia Zukerman

What if the dreaded world of Alzheimer’s was also a world of emotional discovery? Eugenia Zukerman’s poetry and simple prose, both heartbreaking and ultimately inspirational, ushers the reader into her world as she unflinchingly examines familial loyalties, moments from her past and present, and the need to face an uncertain future due to the diagnosis of a condition that she truly hopes “will remain unnamed.”

Flutist, writer, artistic director of major music series, television journalist, educator and internet entrepreneur, Zukerman addresses her “lapses and losses” as she confronts and deals with a future under the shadow of her Alzheimer’s diagnosis.

Touching, honest, and fearlessly heartfelt, Like Falling Through a Cloud recounts Zukerman’s discovery, consultations, and diagnosis, all while navigating the death of her 103-year-old mother, a performance at the Kennedy Center, and the consolidation of her life via a full-time move to upstate New York. As she finds strength in family love, self-examination, and the enduring power of creating music, Zukerman teaches us the importance of living in the now, while accepting that what comes next may remain a mystery.

Genres: Poetry, Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Health, Music, Audiobook

192 pages, Hardcover

Published November 5, 2019

Reviews

[Carolw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eugenia Zukerman, the author of this book, and I have very little in common. She is a famous flutist, a writer, an Artistic Director, she was the arts correspondent on CBS Sunday Morning and so much more but we share the fear of the onset of Alzheimer’s disease. She had aunts and uncles that died from the disease; my mom, my grandmother, my aunt all died from the disease. Her beautifully written stream of consciousness poems reflect her thoughts as the forgetfulness progresses. At the end of her book she says “I do not embrace my inevitable decline but I’m determined to find a way to make the rest of my stay on this problematic planet filled with light and love and music” which is what I hope for too!

[Mimi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's always difficult to rate a memoir, as they are so personal. What I didn't realize before picking it up (it is a Book Club book) is that it is a book of poems. While some are better than others (and some couplets are really forced,) I could feel the frustration, anger, and fear in knowing that you were failing cognitively. For that reason, it was difficult to read, but important.

[Linden · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought it was incredibly brave of this 73 year old renowned musician to not only admit that she was experiencing a cognitive decline, but also to try and verbalize it. I liked the stream of consciousness style of much of the book more than the rhyming, although she did mention that it was easier to write in rhyme. She ends the book on a positive note: "I do not embrace my inevitable decline but I'm determined to find a way to make the rest of my stay on this problematic planet filled with light and love and music."

[Krista Stevens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful poems chronicling a woman's journey into Alzheimer's. Fascinating to me how her poetry changes - even she notes she seems compelled to write in rhyme as the disease progresses.

[Judie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a volunteer guardian for many years and all of my wards have had dementia. One of them taught me not to be afraid of it. She was the happiest person I knew. I don’t know what world she lived in but she loved it. I learned to live in the moment and not compare who she was today with who she used to be.
It reminded me of an interview I did with an elderly woman who had an impaired memory. When doing survey research, all questions are asked in the same order. This woman was in a wheelchair in a nursing home. She was alert for some of the questions but not most of them. When I asked if she needed a wheelchair, she said, “No.” I broke protocol and skipped parts of the interview. When I got to the last question, I said to her, “Tell me about your marriage.” She replied: “I had a good marriage. But I gave in a lot more than he did.”
In 2017, at the age of 72 Eugenia Zukerman was a renowned flutist, writer, artistic director, correspondent on CBS Sunday Morning, educator, and author. She was married to a loving husband and had two daughters and two granddaughters. Life was wonderful. But then she began noticing signs of forgetfulness and confusion.
Reluctantly, she agreed to see a neurologist for neuropsychological evaluation and an MRI. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. While her mother was 103 years old and, until recently mentally alert, Eugenia had forgotten that all six of her mother’s siblings had died in their early 70s from that disease.
During the following year, she performed at Kennedy Center, faced her mother’s death, and closed her second home in New York City to live in her family home in upstate New York. With the help of a supportive family and her doctors, she decided to record her journey through this devastating disease. LIKE FALLING THROUGH A CLOUD, a poetic memoir is her story.
Written with insight and humor, Zukerman records her feelings and observations as she begins her journey through this treacherous time. For anyone experiencing this or similar diseases or knowing or caring for someone who is going through it, this book is a creative, invaluable resource. One of her biggest fears is that people she knows will abandon her. If we can stay in the moment, most of us can spend meaningful time with people with memory impairments.

This is the third poem in the book:

marbles

Maybe mine are lost
or maybe they’re rolling around
in my head looking for a place to land
Or maybe not
my daughters tell me to get tested
tested for what I ask
even though I know for what
but it’s for what I don’t want to know
So I let the marbles rolled around
in a swirl of distracting colors
because I don’t want to listen to them
the daughters
because if I hear them
I will
be
very
afraid
and this mother cannot be that mother
not ever
never

Definitely five stars!

[Patty Rowan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really love the insight that Eugenia’s poems gave into her personality and struggle with you-know-what. It felt deeply personal, and left me feeling so endeared to her. I recommend the very easy read. It’s not something I ever would have picked up on my own (it was given to me) but I’m so glad that I’ve read it and now have more intimate knowledge about what someone goes through when dealing with Alzheimer’s. Grateful for her book.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting reading as I am dealing with this issue now myself.

[Linda Grobman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was interested in reading this book because I am both a flutist and a social worker/mental health professional, as well as a writer. I am struck by Ms. Zukerman's honesty and humor in her account of her feelings and thoughts. I loved the parts about music and the flute, as I related to those parts so much. I recommend this book for anyone experiencing cognitive or physical decline, as well as musicians and mental health professionals. It's beautifully written and, indeed, lyrical.

[Isabelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like Falling Through A Cloud by Eugenia Zukerman is the first lyrical memoir I have experienced and I am so happy I had the chance to read this gem. I do not have very much experience with poetry and did not know what to expect but once I read the one titled "Like Falling Through A Cloud," I got emotional and invested right away. This is the story of Eugenia Zukerman as she discovers the reason for her forgetfulness. Throughout this book, you not only learn about her struggle with dementia but also how big much of a difference anxiety can increase the difficulties of handling the disease. Going to a therapist is a struggle for anyone and she conveys her feelings about this and everything else so well. All throughout the book, you can feel the happy and the sad, the hope and the despair. Zukerman did a masterful job in describing her life in verse.

[Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poignant, brave, anxious, beautiful at times.

[J.K. George · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Review: like falling through a cloud, by Eugenia Zuckerman

Yes, the title has no capital letters. At 178 pages, it's a series of personal diary entries - very personal - with unique spacing and sentence forms as Ms. Zuckerman deals with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease in her seventies. She is a very distinguished musician, journalist, educator, and artistic director of music festivals, and now a best-selling author as she recounts the gathering cloud of uncertainty after memory problems and a sobering diagnosis of the dreaded "big A." Some readers, including myself, are much closer to this medical subject than we would like to be.

The book is an almost daily ramble of poignant thoughts, with good and not-so-good poetry along with clever type-setting to make key points and emphasis. Heart-rending moments include her saying goodbye to her aged mother (nearly 104) as she slips away. Ms. Zuckerman is extremely well-educated and a riff regarding Debussy's flute composition, Syrinx, is delightful. All in all, a lovely comment on an accomplished and full life from one very able to tell it well.

[Sarah Ambrogi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really a lovely book, although it made me sad. I feel Eugenia's struggle come through every page, and unfortunately, I know only too well where her condition is heading. I work in the field of elder law, and I also took care of my mother during her journey through dementia, so I know there's not much hope of the author improving as time goes on. That said, her determination to find positives, and remain as upbeat as she can, was inspiring. I also loved her descriptions of playing the flute and how it keeps her grounded - my daughter is a professional flutist and it is very interesting to hear the author discuss the impact of music on her life as a whole, and how she struggles to hang onto it as her cognitive difficulties increase. Four stars because it is a lovely book, not five because I reacted with such a tinge of sadness that I cannot really say it's an "enjoyable"read. It is absolutely worth reading, though, if you have any connection with or interest in the impact of dementia on the elderly.

[Linda Hewitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not usually a reader of memoirs but this one was meaningful to me. As the daughter of a man suffering from the cruel illness of Alzheimer's, I sometimes question my own memory. Of all his children I am the most like him and I cannot help but think I will someday be the one! I loved the author's way of writing and sometimes felt that her thoughts were just like mine! I also have anxiety that gets in the way of everything and I appreciate that her therapist suggested getting that out of the way first would help. I will actually try some of her coping strategies and hope they help as I age gracefully! I recognized stages of her journey as stages my father has already gone through. I love that she has a wonderful sense of humor throughout. Because I enjoy her writing style, I will look up more of her writing.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

I never understand why words that read like prose are called poetry just because it has new lines inserted at random places.
A few of the musings are poignant, and there is no doubt that Eugenia Zuckerman is one brave woman.
I just not am a fan of the style.
That said, some of the ones that I love include:
- writing on the wind
- september splendor
- getting it together
- the session
- my new year resolutions 2018
- relevantly related word
- an early morning walk on the rail trail
- july the fourth 2018
- and suddenly i'm weepy
- a super sunny sunday

[Alida McDermott · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Like Falling Through a Cloud" was a powerful read. After reading these poems I had to sit on it for a little while as I felt numb to the world. In this collection of poetry the author writes about what it's like going through the start of Alzheimer’s. After reading this incredible collection I had to research if this author is really suffering from Alzheimer’s, she is. It was beautiful and heartbreaking. I was thought how hard it was for the people around you to watch you with Alzheimer’s but this was incredible and raw learning in a different way about what the disease does to your brain.

[Lorie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An interesting perspective from a person actually in the early stages of cognitive decline, impressive that she is able to record and share her thoughts and feelings on what she is going through. Most of what you read about dementia is from a medical or caregiver's point of view, so this is unique and eye-opening to read about the author's actual experiences and her feelings regarding what is happening to her.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for review.

[Cera · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who works daily with Alzheimer’s patients in a hospice setting, this book was beautifully written and a great opportunity for those of us on the outside to get a glimpse of the slow decline an individual faces with this terrible disease. Her bravery in sharing this journey with us is not one I take lightly. Will recommend this book to families as they try to understand their loved one’s minds. 💛

[Caitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful story, from such a beautiful soul. I’ll admit I came to this by way of the author’s daughter Natalia Zukerman, whose music I’ve listened to for many years. But Eugenia’s prose, positive attitude, and honesty shine through here. I listened to this as an audiobook, and would highly recommend readers do the same.

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful book, one I would like in my small collection of favourite books. The author's delight in the seasons as they change, finding natural pleasures in each, is delightful. Despite the possibility of an unwanted future, the author remains calm, full of appreciation and gratitude, and upbeat.

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read for me. I actually read it in one sitting. Eugenias's poems are engaging, thought-provoking, and connected ....this collection of poems chronicles a period of her life as she deals with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. It is unencumbered and candid -- the poetry lends itself well to letting you feel as though you are in her stream of thought.

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

While reading these poems about memory loss, one becomes aware of the struggle it is for the person enduring this difficult part of his/her life . Hopefully, when we see an elderly person struggling we take time to ask them if they would like help and do so with patience and an understanding heart.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a funny, touching and really inspiring set of poem/essays written by a woman who discovers she has the early signs of dementia. Ever had trouble remembering a word or where you put your glasses or why you came into a room? You will relate to this book!

[Kaitlyn Whitten · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5🌟

I found this book so impactful and moving. I don’t usually read poetry but something told me to pick this book up and I am so glad I did. A very beautiful and powerful book with a lot of relatability mixed into it for all of us chronically ill folk.

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving to read, this record by a world-class musician confronting Alzheimer’s with her words and her flute: “… and as long as I am allowed to stay / I pledge to fight with all my might / to keep the darkness at bay” (pg. 9)

[Carissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating collection of poetry that delves into grief, death, coping with a hard diagnosis, and learning to accept forgetting. It's a perspective sorely missing and a must-read for anyone who deals with individuals dealing with the umbrella of dementia.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A glimpse into a musician's diagnosis of a cognitive decline from the musician herself.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written prose that captures a mind in transition. It was not cloying or pitying, but an honest and, at times, a humorous reflection of the author's experience.

[Patti Behnke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written! Touching and sad and lovely.

[David Fu]

It talks about alzeimers and how musician achieved so much.

[Susangilstadhofmail.Com · Rating 3 out of 5]

chronical of slipping into dementia