A Single Voice

by Kristen McMain Oaks

"Being alone is never easy, but being single in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints is a unique challenge," writes Kristen M. Oaks, wife of Elder Dallin H. Oaks. Whether they are nevermarried, divorced, or widowed, singles can often feel discounted and discouraged in a family- focused community. A Single Voice addresses these concerns and offers valuable insights, personal reflections (including the story of the author's courtship and marriage to Elder Oaks), and rich advice for living life to the fullest as a single member.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Lds, Church, Inspirational, Lds Non Fiction, Faith

294 pages, Paperback

First published September 17, 2008

Reviews

[Kristopher Swinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This falls somewhere just below 3.5, so I won't round up to 4 stars. For starters, I felt almost uncomfortably crowded out from the target audience. I'm not entirely averse to reading "chick books," but it'd be nice to know whether they purport to be one or not. I saw nothing externally indicative that this book was only for single women--indeed, her introduction refers to "single adults," and about midway she resumed inclusive language for "women and men" (153)--but by the last page of the book, this sounded like it was solely addressed to the women. While she very adroitly argues against man bashing, she still gives voice to the frustration over a shortage of good men (206, 244)...a frustration that many men might feel inclined to echo back regarding the ladies. Regardless of a fluctuation in tone, it filled a need, just as Elder Oaks had been urging in unison with her.

I must confess, this was tough to stick with, but I can't exactly explain why. She has clearly spent years (266) absorbing others' heartache and faith-promoting expressions (165-167 is a rather remarkable example, with 221-222 speaking to me in ways I can't even describe here), and she employs many useful quotations. (It's *almost* cute that Elder Oaks seems to be her favorite general authority, in terms of citation.) Oftentimes, when I felt that the text was drifting into platitudinous doldrums (not helped any by the implication on 156 and elsewhere that time spent single is a wonderful opportunity to grow up), she'd fire off more concrete examples and set sail again. After a long stretch, her final chapter was well-written.

Her chapter on dating was worth the price of the book, and I further appreciated her frequent perspective that there are many unmarrieds who--far from needing goading--would only be settling to accept what they have encountered to date (codified on 115, 181, 213-214). (The "duh" moment in one young woman's experience on 92-93, and 237, speaks a lot for the current environment, and the commentary on the prevalence of the casual, 91-92, 134-135, is wonderful. I've witnessed many who do blissfully believe, 37-38, that "maintaining a youthful persona that has long outlived its usefulness and appropriateness" will actually make them more attractive candidates.) She states it much more subtly and less universally than I appear to have done.

By and large, I more than wholeheartedly agreed with her insights on dating (such as the lack of wisdom in Internet dating, regardless of age or prospects, 95-97), or the lack of dating entirely (78-79, 85, 89), despite how retro some might seem. Which is why I was shocked at her assent to the notion, from the woman's viewpoint, that a successful date will yield another within 72 hours (73). All my training on the field has militated against that as a sure way for the man to come on too strong and ensure a flat denial! But maybe she's right, and I've just been in the wrong game, truly "fruitless . . . [and:] midway between undergoing a continuous root canal operation and an ongoing tedious job interview" (82).

The brief glimpses into the Oaks' personal lives taught volumes as well. I'm glad to know how circumspectly Elder Oaks behaves and dates, and that it was already part of her experience to date men who planned dates that "help[ed:] others" (111). Those are the only kind of dates that I, too, find memorable (ibid.) or worthwhile any more, however bizarre the reactions have been.

Believe it or not, the simplicity in her comeback of "Just live the gospel" (22; see 18, 97-98, 143, 194-195, the last of which mirrors a caution President Hinckley gave in October 2003) described ever so painstakingly in the following pages, is breathtakingly applicable. "Church attendance will seem exhausting and meaningless for anyone whose social concerns triumph over love of the sacrament" (199). Love it! We should all take notice of what she's teaching about being comfortable with who we are if/because we are committed to Christ. That includes her advice about accepting feedback from others (170-171), something that Bytheway wasn't kidding around about when he discussed it on page 33 of his own book on things he wished he'd "known when [he:] was single."

[Heidi-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gift from Mum, which she was very anxious for me to have. I was just as anxious to delve into it--it was exactly what I needed. And I do not doubt my mother knew it!

Two and a half years later, I finally finished the book! Not that it was boring or not well written. It's because I couldn't get beyond a few pages without finding so many treasures that I needed in my life. So much underlining and notes in the margins. So many things to make me ponder, re-evaluate, and re-commit or try to do. This is a book for me to read over and over again. I will always benefit from the wisdom and counsel therein, and especially appreciate the author's true understanding of my situation. I don't feel as alone any more. And I feel that some things I have endured and figured out on my own were done well. Now I can keep trying to do and be better.

I highly recommend this to all of my dear, single sisters out there. Every one of them. I also wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to some of the single brothers and to many married people. There is wisdom applicable to every one. And in some cases, I would love for some of my married family, friends, and acquaintances who do not fully understand how some things can be for me and other sisters like me in hopes that they may catch a tiny glimpse. At least enough to stave the intended kindness/advice/comfort that unintentionally does the opposite.

The greatest lesson from this book was that no matter where I am or what my status is in any situation in life (relationship, work, living, etc.) I have been and always will be a daughter of my Heavenly Father, whose greatest goal and desire is my purpose on earth--to come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. To be like my Savior. To have my eye Single to God.

Thank you, Mom. It was the best present you could have given me at this time of my life.

[Michelle Llewellyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read this when it first came out in 2008. Came away wishing Kristen had a better understanding of just how devastating the single life is for women in the church who, for reasons unknown, weren't blessed with careers like hers that provided the means for extensive travel, a posh condo and purchasing an SUV. What if she was still struggling to make ends meet as an unemployed elementary school teacher? What if her father was a selfish deadbeat and her mother a remarried woman who constantly reminded her how unblessed she was because she was so married while her daughter was so...not. She keeps coming back to the same old seminary standard for how singles should live their life that any zombie raised in the gospel can recite: pray, read your scriptures, serve in the church, go to the temple. These are all well and good but a single woman can't bless the lives of others with her own life so utterly devoid of such blessings. Jump through the Lord's hoops, do everything you can to have a meaningful relationship with Him but she conveniently forgets that, in the end, the bills still have to get paid. Menstrual cramps will always return to remind us that another month has passed and we have yet to fill the measure of our creation.
As other reviewers have pointed out, I would've loved more personal experiences from Kristen's life such as how she joined the church (there's a reason she didn't serve a mission until well beyond the standard age-26!) and why she turned down all those marriage proposals from a high school sweetheart to numerous relationships in college that, for some reason, never worked out. Didn't she ever desire motherhood? How did she deal with the fact that she would never bear children in this life? Single women in the church need to hear those stories.
In the end, if a single woman doesn't have a full and rich life as a career woman, living happily in a home of her own that she pays the mortgage on, enjoying all the material wealth of the world while joyfully serving others with no recognition or appreciation, her life is pretty meaningless. Especially without a man to prove your worth to others.
This book was written over six years ago (today is December 2014). In light of all the new ways Satan is waging war on the very creation of families from same sex marriage to stirring up women in the church to take on roles men in the church have seemingly abandoned, maybe it's time for another book about being single in the church especially as more and more young girls will be returning from missions, graduating from college and asking, "What now?" This explosion of never-married single women vs lack of worthy priesthood holders will eventually need to be dealt with.

[Danae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Sister Oaks speak at Women's conference several years ago, and thought she was amazing then, so I was really excited when I saw she had written this book. She was single well into her fifties, and then married Elder Oaks after his first wife died. The main point of this book is that, with marriage being an easily spotted example, no one's life turns out the way they expect. Some chapters are meant to provide hope and insight to single church members, but a lot of it-- most of it-- really applies to everyone. I took a long time reading this, because there was always a lot to think about.
One quote I liked: "We live in a perilous time, but we have been raised up to live in it. It is no small task to remain focused on the things of God in an often godless world, but we came from heaven with all the qualities required to accomplish this. Stay on the path of goodness, and there will be no opportunities lost and no blessings postponed. Do what is right, let the consequence follow, and all will be well."

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a WONDERFUL book! I really enjoyed it and could relate to almost everything Sister Oaks said about the life of a single adult in the Church. I especially appreciated the positive, pro-active, grateful, happy tone of the book. I was inspired and uplifted by her experiences and insights. The main feeling and thought I came away with after reading the book was the feeling that life and every moment is precious. We can do something wonderful today. We don't have to wait for anything! :) We should remember (whoever we are) as it says in Psalms 118:24, "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." I want to use all the time I have each day to grow and progress and move forward and help others to the same. There is so much to do at this special time in the history of the world to build up the kingdom. I will strive each day to make life beautiful and happy and serve and do the Lord's will....making time for people and being "anxiously engaged in a good cause." Sister Oaks quotes Anne Frank who said, "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." I love that idea. I think that sometimes I am waiting for life to start. Sometimes I live in the future thinking I'll do that when.... I am going to try to do better to live each day to the fullest now. As we strive to be obedient and do the Lord's will blessings will come. "There are no perfect circumstances, only perfect faith. We are all just trying (p. 125)." I will strive to have perfect faith in the Lord and His perfect plan! :)

[Kayla Childers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated this book. Especially since a month ago a relationship ended that I thought was leading to marriage. Sister Oaks definitely has had feelings and experiences similar to me and my single friends. She addresses how difficult being single can be as a Latter Day Saint, what helps and what doesn’t and how to find meaning in our lives. I highly recommend this book😁

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sister Oaks is a gem! Would recommend

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have considered why marriage matters so much (besides the commandment and having children). I have come to the conclusion that women believe marriage is proof that they have worth. It is the ultimate game of choosing sides for teams. It is hard to be picked last, but not to be chosen at all is unbearable -- especially if you know you are a good player and can help the team. Not only are you excluded but you also have to stay around and watch the game. The members who were chosen wonder why you were not chosen. A multitude of reasons is invented, whether voiced or not. What answer do you give when someone dares to ask why you are not playing in the game or why you were not chosen to play? The answer is that you do not know why you were not chosen, and it hurts because you would like to play.

No matter what our relationship with others may be, many of life's greatest experiences take place individually.

As many single people can attest, our ties to our parents become extremely strong because we have no mate with whom to confer.

The Millennium is a thousand years. There is adequate time to make things right. We know that all will be well for those who put their trust in the Savior. . . .

I'm pretty sure that my angel mother gave this book to me for Christmas 2008 and it sat on my shelf until I picked it up last fall. At times this book was an extremely tough read. I'd call it triggering. The author, Kristen McMain Oaks was a very successful single woman until in her 50's she met and married the recently widowed apostle, Dallin H. Oaks. She does speak of the many types of singleness in the church with expertise and while she explicitly states that her life is not "successful" because of her ultimate marriage, but rather because she found a way to achieve happiness within her circumstances whether single or married -- it's a hard line to walk, although she does her very best.

She is honest about the difficulties of being single within a culture where marriage is not just highly prized but necessary for eternal life. She also pulls no punches in calling out the harsh and often undeserved judgment many single people receive at the hands of fellow members of their families and wards. The statistics of inactive single members are alluded to, and no surprise are pretty staggering. When speaking about singleness she is inclusively speaking of those who have never married, those who have divorced, and those who have lost a partner to death.

At times I felt tremendously tender-hearted reading this book. Just to know that some of the experiences and feelings that I have had were not singular to me allowed me to exhale for the first time in a long time. There is some empowerment language included about self-care, and even protective language about not taking on the wrong beliefs of others, even those who love you. But there were a few examples in the book that I struggled with. One, in particular, is about a recently called Stake President who admits to feeling that a recently divorced woman within his ward should have been released from her calling as a Gospel Doctrine teacher, because of her divorce. Ultimately, he receives a personal confirmation that she is where the Lord wants her to be, but the example was still really problematic for me on many levels, that I won't elaborate on here.

Ultimately, each of us must "work out our own salvation," and we will only have to answer for our own actions, attitudes, thoughts, and desires. But the reality of a worldwide church where more than 50% of members are single makes it a bit disappointing that the burden of singleness, heavy as it is, continues to be largely made heavier by one's fellow saints. And this book largely leaves that aspect untouched. The audience Mrs. Oaks seems to be addressing is that of the single member, rather than the married members that attend beside them.

Ultimately, I am glad I read this book. I found myself feeling a lot of feels, but it is full of some triggering content, so as much as I'd like to say it is a feel-good anthemic call to arms for more inclusion or understanding. I think this falls more in the camp of a compassionate look back from someone who has been there and done that and earned the t-shirt.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really inspired by the first couple of chapters of this book. I was especially impacted by Sister Oaks' counsel to plan and prepare for a great life. Women especially seem to hold back on preparing themselves professionally and financially, relying instead on the hope that they will one day marry. I also really loved Sister Oaks' point that the purpose of obedience is not to obtain blessings, it is to draw closer to God. This thought has helped me to frame my challenges and experiences in a different way.

I really liked that at the beginning of the book Sister Oaks talks a lot about her own experiences, including some that expose her weaknesses. However, I was less and less impressed as I continued to read through the book. At times she seems to fall back on platitudes. Although the principles espoused in oft-repeated quotes and counsel may be true, it felt a bit inauthentic. She seemed to share fewer personal experiences, and the book started to feel like a lecture rather than a frank discussion with a wise friend.

[Jessica · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has been recommended to me over and over. So I finally read it - or rather, tried to read it. This is a perfect case of once you are married you have amnesia and forget what it was like to be single. Every single page has a mention of "my husband" or "my children" or "my grandchildren." It is intended to show that she relates to what it is like to be a single woman in the LDS culture. She has no idea. Book starts off talking about how her life as a single woman was so great - lots of money, lots of travel, lots of shopping, and lots of of family time. And then she gets married and has advice for the rest of us. I continued to read, trusting this would get better. But it did not. It got preachy. What did it for me was when a young woman came to her for advice and she told her, basically, to respect herself -- aka she was wearing super short shorts and we all know modest is hottest. And magic, 6 months later this young woman was engaged to be married in the temple. This is total b.s.

[Ruth · Rating 3 out of 5]

A well-meaning married friend gave me this, and at first I thought "hm, yet another not-so-subtle hint," thinking I'd thank her (which I did) and then not care whether I read or finished it. But this is different from the normal "advice to LDS singles" tome that one might see, since it is written by one of the true stalwarts (Kristen Oaks married in her mid-fifties to Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Twelve). The nice thing about this book is she makes every effort not to be preachy or smug, having known more than her fair share of life as a single in a church community that values families and couples. There is, however, a part of me that wonders what might be different in her writings had she remained single and not married so publicly or successfully. Still, putting aside that somewhat cynical thought, it's a lovely book that really has as much worth for any LDS reader (married or single). The book focuses most on the women of the church. Worthwhile.

[Suzette Kunz · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a collection of Kristen Oaks' thoughts about being an older single LDS woman (I think it's more from a woman's perspective). The structure of the book is kind of an assortment of thoughts--there's not a really tight procedure of thoughts. Because of this, some things are repetitive. I connected with the stories she told of so many different single women. I think it's nice to know that you aren't the only one who feels a certain way. I don't think she tries to say "this is the way to be single" or anything. She acknowledges that there are many different situations. I found some helpful thoughts. I actually think it might be most helpful for someone to read this who has a single person in their family or a close friend and wants to understand where they're coming from (what NOT to say :)).
That's my take on it.

[Joella · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a good book. I think the best part of the book is that it helped me to embrace my life a bit more. Sometimes I wish things were different, but after reading this book I will try to be a little more excited about what my life has to offer and not what I am missing. I have a new energy to trust God with His plan for me. And I needed that. Plus I know it was a good book because I brought it up in multiple conversations with my friends. I also enjoyed reading it a bit at a time. It was my "Sunday book" for many months. And I am sad that I have finally finished it. Now I just have to be a little more determined to live what I learned from my readings. But then again, isn't that always the case?

[Chrisanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Not because it 100% told me what I wanted to hear, but because it was the perfect mesh of stories that I identified with, criticism I needed, and direction for future opportunities(and not just marriage). I can't recommend this book highly enough.

Read this book if you're single (ages 15-115). :) Remember, true progress can be made if we are sensitive enough to feel the need for improvement and tough enough to act on those feelings. Me personally? I'm going to try harder to smile more and dry my hair before leaving the house. But I do a pretty good job at being involved.

Read this book even if you're married and then you'll be able to better empathize with those who are where you aren't.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book for the single member of the Church. Also, it is just as applicable to the single man. While the book did focus on what one could do to make oneself more "marketable" for dating in the Mormon world it also gives advice to those who feel they will never marry.

[Jennae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I cried many tears as she expressed how I have felt so many times and found peace and hope from the things she shared. The lessons she teaches are powerful, yet simple. We can't always change the life we have, but we can change how we live that life.

[Lauren Flores · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sister Oaks mentions several times throughout the course of her book the careful study, prayer, and pondering she put into writing this book, and it was very much evident. I am so grateful she took on this endeavor and went so far as to several times include my gratitude in a nightly prayer.

Several passages rung true to me and resonated some of my many thoughts on subjects of the gospel. There are some passages that didn’t quite resonate with my culturally (might be the millennial in me), but the gospel principles mentioned were profound and pure.

I know this will be a re-read. It took me a few months to get through specifically because I wanted to really marinate in the messages. I felt so seen and so understood. Reading this book felt like getting advice from someone who has walked the same path and truly gets me. A balm to my soul.

I recommend to all, not simply “single” members of the church as it provides a window whereby empathy and understanding might be felt.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first glance, I might seem a little odd putting this on hold and waiting anxiously to read it. After all, I married at 19 and now, at 31, I am still happily married with seven beautiful children. Surely, this book wasn't written for me.

But I have friends who are single and I have children who might be single for longer than I was. I also found so much that is applicable in my life.

I devoured this book in just a few days and found it uplifting, beautiful, and full of truth. The messages of the book, while specifically addressing the issues of being single, are fully applicable in my life: God has a plan for each of us and we can have faith in that plan. Prayers are answered. Sometimes blessings are withheld from us so we can learn. Find joy in the journey. Make the most of whatever life has handed you. Remember the Lord's timing. Don't obsess about what you don't have. Be patient. Be faithful. Many of the examples given made me smile as I'd think, "I learned that same lesson in my life, only for me, it was learned by . . ." It was fascinating to see how the Lord works with all of us.

I was also grateful to read this book as I found it informed my thoughts on how I want to advise my own five daughters as they leave the nest. I want them to know and understand the value of being a wife to a strong and good companion and the joy and growth from being a mother, but I also want them to pursue educational goals in the meantime, not simply wait around to be married.

I especially loved:
* pp. 15-19 The story of how Kristen met Elder Oaks, including her obedience to a priesthood blessing advising her to quit her incredibly demanding job or "you'll have your blessings in eternity, but not now." She gave her notice in January and finished up in June, the same month Elder Oaks began to look for a new wife.
* pp. 24, where she tells of how her parents shed tears of relief at her wedding. She was dismayed at their reaction because she thought her life as a single had been wonderful too. It was a good reminder to celebrate each good life, not just a wedded one. She emphasizes later on as well that pity is not what most single people want.
* pp. 38-48 Spiritual and educational switchpoints. Don't hold back from making good decisions just because you don't have a companion yet.
* Her chapter on living "Every Single Holiday," gave me insight on what it might be like to have every year the same holidays come and every year having to decide how to celebrate them as a single person. I loved her attitude about Mother's Day and making the most of all the holidays.
* Her advice about dating gave me a lot of think about as I advise my children and prepare them for the future.
* p. 147. She tells of how the Filipina sisters love her because now they don't get so many questions and teasing when they are still single.
* She gives great advice about finding opportunities for service. She was a wonderful aunt to her nieces and nephews and as a mother, I would be so thrilled if someone like her took an interest in my children (in fact, we do have several adopted grandparents who are wonderful to our children, and I know firsthand how much appreciation I have for the wonderful school teachers, Church leaders, and friends who are kind and loving to my children.)
* p 176 She reminds singles to be realistic, suggesting that a man should not be looking for "Barbie with a testimony," especially if they look nothing like Ken!
* she also emphasized many times that there are certain standards that should not be lowered. It is better to be single than to be married to an unrighteous and unrepentant husband.
* pp 177-179 I found the account of the single young man who was obsessed with the fact that he was not handsome very interesting, as was the letter written by Elder Oaks in response.
* The book wasn't just written about being a never-married single sister. She also includes examples and ideas and thoughts from friends who are divorced and single parents.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The miracle of my life is not that I finally got married. My miracle was that I came to know that God loved me, and that great gift did and does bless my life every day." (page 261)

I think the above quote boils down the essence of Kristen Oaks book, "A Single Voice." This is an LDS book. Sister Oaks married for the first time in her 50s; she is the wife of Elder Dallin Oaks, an LDS apostle. Her book reflects her own experiences of living as a single adult in a family-oriented church as well as the experiences of many other single, divorced, and widowed women she knows or interviewed. Really, this book has some applicability to just about everyone, and she does include experiences from men and from married couples - including a fair number of experiences of her husband surrounding the passing of his first wife.

It was interesting to read. It brought back some memories of my time as a single and as a divorced Latter-day Saint. She shared a lot of good truths, many of which I felt like I came to know during my own experience. Some of the key principles she shares:
*It is better to be single than badly married
*Focus on serving others regardless of our own circumstances
*Eternal marriage and family are eternal principles. I can't find the quote right now, but she shared a quote from one single sister that said she wanted to learn the fullness of the gospel, not some watered down version that was more palatable to those that are single, and that meant she stayed and participated in lessons on marriage and family even if it was painful
*We are judged on the desires of our hearts and we should desire marriage/family, but there is no need to wait for those things to live a productive life, there are plenty of opportunities out there for single adults
*Everyone feels at times that they don't "fit" but the truth is that there is room for all of us in the gospel and we just need to care for each other and be understanding of others circumstances.

The three things I took away from this book:
(1) I was really touched by her discussion of patriarchal blessings. It inspired me to pull mine out and read it. I got mine 17 years ago and I have to admit I don't turn to it as often as I should.
(2) I felt an increased desire to reach out more to people in my ward, particularly in inviting people to do things. I think I am reluctant to have people over because my house isn't clean enough or I don't feel like I have the energy to prepare a gourmet meal, but this book reminded me of the time I spent with my friend, Julie, and her family as I was going through my divorce and how much it helped assuage my loneliness to be included.
(3) I was really touched by the experiences she shares about Elder Oaks and his family. I always enjoy his talks and I felt like I understood him a little bit more based on the glimpse into his personal life that she offered.

There were a couple of things I didn't care for about the book. First, in an effort to be all inclusive, it sometimes feels like it loses the unifying theme and becomes somewhat repetitive. Second, she relies very heavily on oft-used quotes by church leaders. A few quotes would have strengthened her message, overusing them detracted from it. Also, I really liked the personal experiences, but sometimes felt Sister Oaks cut them short. She often alluded to her own struggles as a single adult, but I felt it would have been stronger if she had used more personal experiences and fewer generalities. And then there was one thing that really bothered me:

"I will never forget a Primary program where the assigned pianist decided the morning of the program to stay home with a sick child. A talented and confident single sister, Louise, stepped in to save the day." (page 210)

As the mother of two kids under two, I just have to point out that I'm sure that mother didn't "decide" her kids would be sick that day. Sister Oaks may not have meant it that way, but it hit a nerve with me.

[Shelly]

I CANNOT believe I am still reading this! It's taking me forever. And I decided not to read anything else until I finished it--or I wouldn't ever get back to it.

The book is fine. But since I am a happily adjusted single person, I find the suggestions and encouragement pointless. Maybe 10 years ago I needed the help, but I managed to survive being single without feeling like "single" is some strange terminal disease!

I was hoping to read it because 1: it was a git and 2: I wondered if it was a book I would recommend. I think it is--if you suffer from singleness/singlehood/singleitis/whatever!

My latest Barnes and Nobel book order is waiting paitiently for me on my bookshelf. What a temptation!

I gave in and started reading other things. I still hope to finish this sometime!

[Courtney King · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated reading this book.

Biggest lesson I learned that applies to all of our lives--single or not-- is that we should not wait to be happy! We shouldn't wait to start living our lives! We shouldn't wait to start creating the kind of life we want to live.

We can often get caught in the mindset of "once I get this job I want, then I'll be happy." "Once I have children, then I'll be happy." "Once I'm married, THEN I'll be happy." Grateful for the perspective that she teaches about how we can get out of this mindset.

I didn't necessarily agree with everything she said though. There were a few things that made it seem like women belong at home and in the kitchen. And she used that story where the guy breaks up with the girl because she has two earrings. Once I got passed that stuff, I really enjoyed this book. And I really look up to Sister Oaks!

[Kim Woodbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

All single women in the Church should read this book! Sister Oaks really gets it and has some great advice.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is inspiring and good but I felt like it went on and on.

[Kristina Bishop]

Inspiring to learn about making the best of life, regardless of the situation we may find ourselves in. I liked learning about not waiting for happiness but going out and making happiness happen.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted so much for this book to be more than it was. She contradicts herself from paragraph to paragraph, "let men initiate dates" and the next paragraph "many relationships start from women making the first move." Just as one example. Strange extrapolations on people's worthiness based on things that are completely unrelated. She's very encouraging of women seeking advanced education but all but one example she gives of women doing so is centered around traditional female roles such as teaching and nursing. Obviously there's nothing wrong with those degrees or jobs, but it still feels isolating as a woman when that's not your interest. I feel like the issues with this book greatly overshadowed any good points.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book to be disorganized and meandering in its message. She seemed to repeat the same message over and over again. This book could have been much shorter and concise. The author relied heavily on quotes. Often these quotes were very long and took most of a page or multiple pages. She spent entirely too much time talking about making yourself attractive (both physically and spiritually) for my taste. There were some good messages that everyone can benefit from though. Here are some of my takeaways:
- Never stop trying to improve yourself
- Your relationship with God is paramount.
-God has a more beautiful vision for our life than we could ever have for ourselves and sometimes we have to let go of our own plans to follow his.

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a friend recommend this to me. She had been given it and very reluctantly read it and found it to be very insightful. So thank you Marci because I didn't know I needed this.

This probably has the best being single analogy in the church that I have ever heard. At the same it was filled with ways to cope and stretch in a ward filled and focused on families.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A Single Voice” by Kristen M. Oaks is a powerful and inspiring book about finding our way as single women in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Even though I am now married, there was so much in this book to learn from and embrace. I am a better woman for having read this book. I strongly recommend it for all single women who are Christian!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots I liked, lots I hated. It's encouraging and validating about the path of single discipleship within LDS culture, but it never challenges the idea that marriage is the end-all and be-all of creation--not that I expected it to. Nonetheless, there were moments within the book when I felt truly and deeply understood, for which I'm grateful.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honestly this was a hard read and went on too long, but who am I to judge. I hope this book is helpful for many who are single in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She has so much to share and offer. I certainly picked up some new points of view and ways of looking at things. I appreciated the opportunity to see living a faithful life through someone else's eyes.