You Only Fall in Love Three Times: The Secret Search for Our Twin Flame

by Kate Rose

Discover the three types of love--and the key to finding the one you're truly meant to be with.

We love and we love again -- sometimes our hearts get broken but, somehow, we find the courage to dive back in. In this soul-searching book, relationship expert Kate Rose guides readers down the path to a deeper understanding of who they are, what they want, and finally, to the discovery of their Twin Flame.

According to Rose, love is a journey of self-discovery and every relationship we have in our lives teaches us something that we need to learn about ourselves and what will make us truly happy. She introduces readers to the three types of love we will all




In You Only Fall in Love Three Times , Kate Rose shows us that happy endings may not happen quite the way they do in fairytales-- but they happen nonetheless.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Spirituality, Audiobook, Psychology, Romance

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 14, 2020

About the author

Kate Rose received her B.A. in Visual Arts Education and an M.S. in Clinical Art Therapy from Springfield College while volunteering in the AmeriCorps Program as a leader of youth programming in an inner-city environment. Her Master's thesis focused on ways to develop the self-esteem of adolescent girls. She worked as an Art Therapist with children who have severe social and emotional disorders for over ten years before beginning her writing and adult counseling career.
Kate has published over 1k articles on the topics of love, relationships, family, parenting, divorce, sex, astrology, and twin flames since March 2015. Kate enjoys interacting with her world-wide readership on a daily basis through various social media platforms such as UnEdited her newsletter, blog posts, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and the articles she regularly publishes on YourTango and Elephant Journal.
She has also built a private international coaching practice specializing in relationships and women's empowerment along with leading retreats around the globe. Kate lives in the Hidden Hills of Massachusetts with her daughters; Emma, 13, Abigail, 9 and seizes as many chances as she can to learn through love.

To learn more about Kate and connect with her directly visit her website: www.wordsofkaterose.com

Reviews

[May Ling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Summary: A really wonderful way of looking at love.

If you have never heard fo Soulmate vs. Karmic Relationship vs. Twin Flame, this is a pretty darn good reference. Very easy to understand what she's saying and how to think about it in your own life. I think it will hit different people in different ways depending on what's going on in their life.

P. 6-10, This is such a beautiful letter that I think it's true, every person (straight guys/lesbian-ladies, just change all the gender pronouns where applicable) should write to themselves.

p. 14 Lays out 3 archetypal forms of love. W/out giving total spoilers:
p. 15 - Soulmate Love - It derives from the person we "ought" to love. They teach us to connect that love can exist.
p. 16 - Karmic Love - They are there to heal us and have a bit of an explosive pain cycle to them.
p. 17 - Twin flame - can only be our love once we are whole. It's two complete circles. Complements happen in unforeseen ways.

p. 37 - We are not ourselves with soulmates. It is all about making the relationship work in such a self-less way that the self disappears. (my paraphrase). What kills this relationship is that you feel too much not yourself. She talks about core needs. "Our core needs are not only the motivator for any relationship we enter into, they are also the baramoter for whether or not it will last or not." Early in life our core needs are socially based. That is what drives people to marry their soul mate.

p. 70 The Love Bomb in Karmic Relationships - The attraction is so crazy strong. It comes from almost a narcissistic/codependent/control or abuse of some kind -like feeling. It reflects us, but it reflects our wounds. Not every Karmic relationship has one, but def a lot of them do.
"During the love bomb, we are their one and only. They take cues from us, learning how to more effectively manipulate our emotions. this emphasizes the mirroring effect, because not only are we falling in love with ourselves, they are also specifically projecting qualities they don't actually possess in order to engage us, attach us - and we end up falling fast and hard."

p. 76 - "Everything in life has a vibrational frequency. Emotions such as love and happiness hold a higher vibration, while jealousy, anger, and revenge hold a lower frequency." They then talk about people that stay in love to be a martyr b/c we are trying to make everyone happy. That's no good b/c we make lower vibrational choices.

p. 77 - "Because in this phase, our karmic relationship, we learn that we can't make something last that is supposed to end; we can't make something right that was never really meant to be."

p. 90 Breaking our heart happens because love, by definition, requires you don't give up. But imagine, both soulmate and karma relationship are not Twin Flame. They are painful to give up.

p. 101 It's natural to be afraid of ending up alone, whether it's just the idea of being alone or a more specific image of what it would mean for our self-worth if no one claimed us as theirs. We must be so comfortable with ourselves that we do not strive to be with someone just out of loneliness or fear."

p. 120 A lot of times you meet your twin flame at the wrong time and he rejects the connection out of fear. Both you have to heal in order to be ready. Let it go, you cannot lose a twin flame.

p. 132 "Love is magical because we have put in the hard work to make it that way: because we healed, and brought forth everything we blive is true about ourselves - and love."

[Colby · Rating 2 out of 5]

You Only Fall in Love Three Times centers around the idea that we experience three loves in our life: our soulmate, karmic love, and twin flame. I found this book to be very repetitive. I felt the author kept coming back to same idea that we must love and accept ourselves before we find our forever love, but just worded it in different ways throughout the book. I didn’t feel like I could connect a lot to it because my love life hasn’t exactly played out as described in the book. I wish the author would have addressed more those of us who don’t quite fall into this category of hers. There were definitely some good points she made scattered throughout the book that I highlighted. I think I may have enjoyed this one more if I was reading it at a different stage of life (if I was single & casually dating maybe) where I could relate to some of the feelings the author mentions. While I didn’t love this one, it did bring about a great book club discussion. I loved getting to hear everyone’s different perspectives.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 🌟

A fellow bookstagrammer had posted about this book and it completely intrigued me by the title alone! Reason being, in my twenties I read once that there isn't just one person for you out there, there's three people in fact. I believed it ever since and I found that I, in fact, experienced each of these loves. This book details each of these loves and shows you that you need to go through the first two loves to finally find your one true last love.

She breaks it into parts detailing what each love is and what it means and why. You have your soulmate, your karmic love, and lastly, your twin flame. She tells you things you may not want to hear but is necessary for you to grow past a love that does not suit you.

A glimpse into this book in my own words: We don't always learn the necessary lessons that our relationships are trying to teach us and so we may experience the same type of love multiple times, usually the karmic love. Our karmic love, she explains, is supposed to break us to make room for our last love. It's the one that teaches us, should we allow ourselves to see it, what true real love is all about. It's the one out of the three types that is the most tumultuous and heart-wrenching. And so our karmic love is not supposed to last, it's supposed to help make us accountable for our actions, and face our feelings.

I feel I am a bit biased because it's a belief I've always had and actually experienced. Mine came in a different order. I experienced my karmic love first and he tore me apart. I went back a couple times because I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. He was manipulative and headstrong and unfaithful. I finally learned, and at some point, moved on to my soulmate. We fit so well together, our families, friends. I know I loved him but in the end, I knew there was something holding me back. I knew, without really knowing, that he wasn't the one for me no matter how much I wanted him to be. It saddens you because you wonder if you'll ever really find the your last piece of your puzzle. Then one day, there he is. If the events in each of our lives hadn't happened the way they did, we may not have met... but we did and I can finally say, I've met my twin flame! He's made me feel things I didn't know I could feel, we love unconditionally, we are our true selves unapologetically.

In the end, that's all we are ever looking for in a true love. To be unapologetically ourselves and still be loved unconditionally! Thank you to Kate Rose for writing this and confirming everything I've always believed about finding that right one. I recommend this if you feel you haven't found your true love and don't think you will or find yourself at a crossroads in your relationship and don't know what you should do. I do think this will help.

[Samantha Scheer · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

“Once a soul finds it’s home, it never truly forgets.”

(Don’t mind all the quotes - this book had so many good ones!)

I have never felt so connected to a book but this one takes the cake. This one spoke to my soul and damn it if it didn’t make me uncomfortable (in a good way)! I don’t usually go for non-fiction but I have been on this great discovery of finding out who I am, and now was the right time for me to pick this one up and read it.

This follows the old saying that you have three loves in your life: the first (soul mate), the second (karmic love), and the third (twin flame). This was really interesting to read and had really great points. As a hopeless romantic myself, I loved it. It was both encouraging and empowering. It taught me a lot about myself, love, and my relationships.

“Each one of us is a phoenix. Each one of us is meant to spread her beautiful strong wings, each one of us is meant to rise from the ashes and fly farther than we ever thought possible. But before we do that, we need to step into the fire.”

It also focuses heavily on learning to love ourselves fully before we can fully love another. We have to let go of these preconceived notions and be open to the possibility of an untraditional type of love. We can’t truly love with our entire soul, mind, and body, until we feel that way about ourselves. And to stop planning how we want love to go and our love lives! (I feel attacked).

“….we can’t make any relationship work until we actually take the time to first succeed in the one that we have with ourselves.”

“…because we’re searching out someone who is a soul partner - not just a life partner.”

“We need to experience the darkness before we can get to the light, however.”

“When we start to understand that each person is having their own individual experience and is writing their own story in this life, apart from us, then we can understand that nothing anyone does is because of us.”

“…best kinds of love usually come packaged in ways that we would never have imagined.”

“…we deserve to be loved as much on our worst days as on our best.”

I highly recommend this one to everyone!

[Lucy Coates · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m definitely not the target audience for this book but picked it up from a bookshelf because it looked interesting and relationships are typically my favourite topic to read around.
Above all this book is extremely heteronormative, when it could easily have been more inclusive by removing gender from the equation.
Found it to be very repetitive, the author kept circling back to self love - although agreeing with this I don’t think it was required to reiterate as many times as it did. Didn’t necessarily agree with the definition of soul mate without parenthesis, and although the idea of a karmic love is interesting and often practically true, the book relied too much on spirituality and the idea of karma from past lives. With such a heavy base in spirituality, I’m again surprised at the heteronormativity. Rarely believe that one person’s view on a subjective topic is credible, but did find the specific breakdown intriguing.

[Jude Mcgowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing! Well written and compelling. The author outlines the three types of love that we encounter in our lives. With the thousands of people out there who are trying to find their life time partner, their true love, their person, this book addresses they reasons why so many of us fail to find what we are looking for. In a positive and non-condescending way she shares her own personal stories and those of her readers and clients to help us understand why we fall into the same traps, bad patterns that cause us to fail in relationships. This is and honest and real book. Not your typical self help book, this book is full of useful information and pointers that many of us fail to see in our own relationships because we are just too close. This is a compassionate and honest read that can and will change the lives of those who search for the elusive “true love” but who can’t find their own way out of the same unhealthy patterns.

[Katarina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the concepts, and I pulled a lot from this book, but I felt it could be chopped in half. A lot of repetition in the chapters. I felt as though the explanations for the “soul mate” love drug on a bit too long. Karmic love section was very enlightening, and twin flame was also very interesting. Would have been a 4 otherwise.

[JAck SøN]

No excuse to use the word umpteenth that many times in a book haha.

I did however enjoy looking at the different types of love you encounter and why and when in your life.like any book like this, something's resonate, others don't but fun still. I'll happily read anything about love. so nice easy read.

[Joline · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gelijk al een beetje allergisch omdat de auteur je aanspreekt met ‘lieve schat’, verder zweverig, Amerikaans en vage theorie zonder onderbouwing.

[Sydney Hauer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A unique perspective from the author of having (potentially) three different loves across the course of your life. From someone who believes in multiple people being right for you - it was cool to see her take on how each love is good for specific parts of your life.

[Miss Scarlett · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is geared toward too specific an audience: upper middle class women who married young. There are some good bits in the book, but you have to work pretty hard at digging them up if you are not part of the aforementioned audience.

And I’m not really sure what purpose this book serves. It does not give any guidance of how to work through the three loves. She does say “love yourself” but never really described what that means.

Because everyone’s life is different and love stories are different, there may lie the problem for the author to go into details on how to work through the loves.

She also cites a lot of romcom movies, a lot. So if you are not familiar with them (I only knew of one or two) if makes it a little difficult to dig out those helpful nuggets. And she also says love is not like a movie, but then uses movies as examples of love. So she contradicts herself.

Overall, I think Kate Rose has good intentions, but I don’t think she quite reaches her target.

[Catherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. Soooo repetitive at times I thought I was accidentally re-reading the same passage when I was in fact not. Reads like a motivational poster and not really my style.

BUT, it was fun learning about the different archetypes of love which is why I originally picked up this title. Definitely found myself trying to mentally categorize all of my past relationships and relationships I've seen from friends and family into the three archetypes listed which was a fun activity.

I like how Kate uses famous movies to demonstrate different types of relationships too, felt like a novel study.

I'd recommend to skim and read the intros of each archetype which was the most valuable part. Stay if you're looking for relationship advice and some pep talk.

[Melissa Toledo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro fue toda una experiencia, siento que más allá de aprender los tres tipos de amor que pasarán por tu vida, aprendes a clasificar y a darte cuenta de un millón de cosas para terminar de sanar amores pasados. Sin dudas cambio mi forma de ver el amor por completoooo.

[clod · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a struggle

[Dorry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Niet per se een goed geschreven boek (veel herhaling), maar interessant onderwerp.

“In wezen praten we onszelf naar een leven waarin we niet gelukkig zijn, waarin we niet uit een afbrokkelende of doodbloedende relatie of uit een huwelijk stappen, omdat we kinderen hebben, of om financiële redenen, of door de verwachtingen die anderen van ons hebben, of omdat we onze comfortzone niet willen verlaten. Met gewone relaties zou dat misschien kunnen werken, maar met onze tweelingziel niet, want die laat ons pas met rust als we eerlijk tegen onszelf worden, als we onze ogen openen en daadwerkelijk erkennen dat de verbinding, het gevoel, er is, en dat de extatische aantrekkingskracht er is die ons het gevoel geeft dat we ons verstand hebben verloren.”

“Deze aantrekkingskracht is er niet alleen doordat we ons tot het uiterlijk van onze tweelingziel aangetrokken voelen, of door wie hij als persoon is, maar ook doordat het de aantrekkingskracht tussen twee zielen is. Het is het gevoel dat je echt door iemand anders wordt gezien en dat de ander je volledig accepteert. Het is dat onverklaarbare gevoel dat iemand anders je echt snapt, terwijl je al lang geleden het idee had opgegeven dat dit überhaupt mogelijk was.”

“Maar onze tweelingziel komt niet mooi verpakt en op een gerieflijke manier in ons leven. Het zal waarschijnlijk veel meer lijken op een orkaan, waardoor ons leven voor altijd is gemarkeerd door een ‘hiervoor’ en een ‘hierna’. Hoewel de kans aanwezig is dat we deze persoon ontmoeten als we nog maar in de twintig zijn, is de kans niet zo groot dat we dan al een relatie met onze tweelingziel aangaan. Dat gebeurt meestal pas later in het leven.”

“Het maakt niet uit hoeveel uitdagingen er zijn, en of afstand, een huwelijk of een ander soort kloof tweelingzielen van elkaar scheidt, ze zullen altijd een manier vinden om bij elkaar te komen, want als ze bij elkaar zijn, verdwijnt de rest van de wereld. De tijd staat stil, en we worden eraan herinnerd dat er geen woorden zijn voor de mooiste dingen in het leven.”

“Als we eerlijk zijn, kan eeuwige liefde nooit door een stukje papier worden gegarandeerd. Hetzelfde geldt voor een trouwring of zelfs het feit dat je elke avond het bed met elkaar deelt. Eeuwige liefde is er omdat zij niets anders kan zijn, omdat we hebben geleerd dat hoewel er ontzettend veel mensen op deze planeet rondlopen, er slechts één is die zichzelf heeft weten te onthullen als iemand zonder wie we niet wilden of zelfs konden leven. Vaak kan de uitspraak ‘Ik kan niet zonder jou leven’ beangstigend zijn. Maar wat als we ‘kan niet’ zouden vervangen door ‘wil niet’? Wat als we beseften dat we niet alleen zelf beter af zijn als we samen zijn, maar ons leven ook?”

[Kathyanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a miss for me and here is why.

First and foremost I have pretty much always done what I want. Sure I have struggled with the "shoulds" and the claustrophobic pressure of societal norms, but I always just end up doing what feels right.

Much of this book is about not doing what you think you should, but doing what you really need and want.

I didn't need that lesson, although it did feel good to be ahead of the curve for once.

Next, it was really repetitive. Like almost skip paragraphs repetitive, but I stuck with it.

Finally it was a massive contradiction. I think the idea of soulmates, karma and twin flames is fun. I wanted to see how it played out. 99% of the book refers to relationships as between a man and a woman and nearly always from the woman's point of view. It spent pages and pages detailing who could be counted as a soulmate or karmic love only to flip the script and tell you that your twin flame is not going to be who you think. It could be ANYONE, because it's not so much about who they are, as who you are.

What worked for me?

I do honestly believe everyone deserves love and no one is an evil monster, and that was the bottom line.

But we sure did spend a lot of time shitting on ourselves, our soulmates, and our karmic partners first.


There are better books out there is all I'm saying.

[Reading with Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit repetitive but it did establish the concept of what a twin flame is and to notice when that One enters your life.

"On this journey, we stop thinking that there are right ones and wrong ones. We stop comparing loves and understand that one is not any better than the other. We start to see that who we are in the moment when we meet someone will reflect more on the relationship than the actual person themselves. We understand that we will gravitate toward those who are meant to teach us lessons and we will manifest what we fear or desire depending on what we are radiating." (Kate Rose, You Only Fall in Love Three Times)

[Ari Chand · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book feels quite repetitive at times and is very much focused on heteronormative women. The key thesis is that we each experience three distinct loves in life (perhaps over and over at times) each teaching us something different. There are a lot of broad sweeping generalisations and sometimes these three categories can feel a bit reductive to the nuance and complexity needed to unpack such a complex topic. There is a mixture of concepts, loose interview scenario reflections, and some pop cultural reference (The Notebook... etc), and loose pop-psychology in an overly conversational tone. That all said, there were some real gems and insights in here, poignant points about love and attachment, and some important reflections and hard truths about relationship structures ultimately asking the reader to reflect on their own experiences. It did challenge me on reflecting on my past relationships. Overall, it’s a thoughtful but not groundbreaking read.

[Lewis McEwan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me think deeper about the relos I've had and why they may have fit the categories provided, and what they may have meant.
Your loves are broken down into soul mate, karmic love and twin flame (with the flame being the final goal). She mentions that you have each love for a reason, there are lessons to be learnt from each, and you have to experience the first to move onto the next. If you don't learn the lessons, life may try teaching you them again. If you've had a more unconventional love life then I'm not sure if the loves would still play out in the same way she describes.
While there are hints at underlying themes, I didn't find it too repetitive. The main one is you can be open and ready for love, but it's key to accept, love and grow yourself if you want any chance at having something everlasting.

[Katie H. · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 ⭐️⭐️⭐️ this book was worth the read, especially if you believe in the concept of soulmates, karmic partners, and twin flames. The author explains each concept in depth and helps readers to further understand with interwoven true stories from her work with clients. However, the book felt a bit repetitive at the end. In the end, I’m glad I read this book and I feel that I’ve learned something valuable.

[Fahad · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of this book really attracted me - and as someone who is single currently I was hoping this would expand my view point of love. However I felt the author was extraordinarily repetitive. The book could have either been shorter (probably either half or even a third of its size) or a series of short articles. Equally the cases discussed were never explored in depth and casually thrown about - careful consideration and separating them to show learning points would have improved the structure and flow of the book. Would NOT recommend and if going to read - try and get a copy from the library.

[Charles Reed · Rating 4 out of 5]

70%

it's a weird book, very quirky it even says you might not fall in love only three times, it seems to go from like patterns that people go through which are very similar and it has some behavioralistic psychology elements to it, but it's all intuition and some silly energy nonsense, so it was a fun book but you shouldn't rely on it for sure

[Tessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dit boek heeft me enorm getriggerd (in a good way I guess) en aan het denken gezet. Het heeft me daarom veel reflectie gebracht op mijn eigen (liefdes)leven.

Wel vond ik het veel herhaling en had ik het gevoel dat de auteur zichzelf op sommige punten een beetje tegensprak. Dat vond ik verwarrend. Daarom 3 sterren.

[Sabrina Lusty Rich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really wish I would’ve read this book earlier in my life. Amazing book and really makes your life feel way more normalized.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cool concept of love, different types, and how we find it but was kinda repetitive and boring 🥱

[Brittany · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was actually pretty good when it wasn't talking about woo; unfortunately, it talked about woo (e.g. vibrations, energy, karma, etc.) a lot.

[Cristina Graziano-Thody · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - felt too much like the “Twin Flame Universe” cult

[Daniela]

i dont usually rate non-fiction but this is the worst book ive read this year

[Joshua J · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really on the fence about evaluating this book, on the one hand it has some EXTREMELY pertinent information that I have yet to see in other books, but I guess because of the nature of this particular subject and it's non-uniformity, every book will have information that's relatable and and not.
To address a few things; first up is the conflicting subjects of those affected by this subject. The writer states that not everyone goes through this and is absolutely correct. But then writes as if it does. Another issue is that it seems as if the roles are always gender specific, when in fact the barely referenced but extremely important "chaser/runner" dynamic is not exclusive. The Divine feminine/masculine are never mentioned, and LGBTQ+ are hardly given a thought. Furthermore, "soul shock" and "dark night of the soul" are scantily detailed, and that's an odd couple of omissions due to how these are usually how one gets shown they are now in this dynamic.
But besides those points, this book is a very valuable read, especially about soul mate check-ins and cycle breaking, those are extremely pertinent and relevant. I absolutely do recommend this book for anyone who knows or may suspect themselves in such a difficult and painful situation, baring in mind my few criticisms.

[Kris Kumar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really spoke to my soul and inspired me to dig a little deeper to understand myself and my needs. Growth is always important.