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52 Times Britain was a Bellend: The History You Didn’t Get Taught At School
JAMES FELTON'S NEW BOOK "ASSHOLES" IS OUT NOW
'Scurrilous, scandalous and frequently disgusting. I absolutely loved it' James O'Brien
Twitter hero James Felton brings you the painfully funny history of Britain you were never taught at school, fully illustrated and chronicling 52 of the most ludicrous, weird and downright 'baddie' things we Brits* have done to the world since time immemorial - before conveniently forgetting all about them, of course.
- Starting wars with China when they didn't buy enough of our class A drugs
- Inventing a law so we didn't have to return objects we'd blatantly stolen from other countries
- Casually creating muzzles for women
- And almost going to war over a crime committed by a pig
52 TIMES BRITAIN WAS A BELLEND will complete your knowledge of this sceptred isle in ways you never expected. So if you've ever wondered how we put the 'Great' in 'Great Britain', wonder no more . . .
*And when we say British, for the most part we unfortunately just mean the English.
'Scurrilous, scandalous and frequently disgusting. I absolutely loved it' James O'Brien
Twitter hero James Felton brings you the painfully funny history of Britain you were never taught at school, fully illustrated and chronicling 52 of the most ludicrous, weird and downright 'baddie' things we Brits* have done to the world since time immemorial - before conveniently forgetting all about them, of course.
- Starting wars with China when they didn't buy enough of our class A drugs
- Inventing a law so we didn't have to return objects we'd blatantly stolen from other countries
- Casually creating muzzles for women
- And almost going to war over a crime committed by a pig
52 TIMES BRITAIN WAS A BELLEND will complete your knowledge of this sceptred isle in ways you never expected. So if you've ever wondered how we put the 'Great' in 'Great Britain', wonder no more . . .
*And when we say British, for the most part we unfortunately just mean the English.
128 pages, Hardcover
First published October 17, 2019
493 people are currently reading
1846 people want to read
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July 7, 2020It’s about time I learnt what my history classes at school failed to teach me. I read an article in the Guardian recently that pointed out that most British history syllabuses completely skip over Britain’s role in its colonies and the slave trade, putting the onus on glorifying British Abolitionists such as Wilberforce. As we studied only one short module on the Agrarian and Industrial Revolution and the Peninsular Wars, even Wilberforce was relegated to a single sentence, shared with Shaftesbury and child labour reforms. Obviously I have learnt more in the course of my lifetime, but only in the past few years has it occurred to me just how little I know, given I’m interested in history. We went to a small museum in the north of England which had a major display about the slave trade and trading triangle and I was amazed because I had never heard of that and never associated slavery with Great Britain. My viewpoint has been changing and I think this slim and irreverent volume may teach me a great deal about the reality.
My politically aware son was reading this near the start of our smart lockdown. Now, whenever we have a political discussion that touches on the distribution of wealth, racism and colonialism, he urges me to read this book. And this was even before the George Floyd murder and the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement, demonstrations in times of Covid-19 and the toppling of Edward Colston’s statue in Bristol. They dredged him out of the river, by the way. They intend to put him somewhere else, probably in a museum. However, the spray paint and graffiti applied by the BLM demonstrators will be left in place to reflect modern opinion and the history of Bristol. I think that’s a good compromise and can be used as a good launching point for teaching about historical attitudes to slavery and colonialism, rather than sweeping the issue under the carpet.
My politically aware son was reading this near the start of our smart lockdown. Now, whenever we have a political discussion that touches on the distribution of wealth, racism and colonialism, he urges me to read this book. And this was even before the George Floyd murder and the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement, demonstrations in times of Covid-19 and the toppling of Edward Colston’s statue in Bristol. They dredged him out of the river, by the way. They intend to put him somewhere else, probably in a museum. However, the spray paint and graffiti applied by the BLM demonstrators will be left in place to reflect modern opinion and the history of Bristol. I think that’s a good compromise and can be used as a good launching point for teaching about historical attitudes to slavery and colonialism, rather than sweeping the issue under the carpet.
October 30, 2019
Ever think the history you were taught in school was a little bit..., clean? Suspiciously made us out to be paragons of virtue? Think that maybe, just maybe, there may be more to it than that?
Then this is the (quite short) book for you.
Rarely taking more than 3 pages per incident of bellendery, Felton takes us through, funnily enough, 52 times Britain was so moustache twirlingly twatty that you have to think what the hell were people thinking.
Personal highlights from the book, nearly going to war with America over a pig, getting an elephant regularly blind drunk on wine, cleaning chimneys with a goose and paying slave owners 40% of the nation's yearly budget in compensation for losing their slaves, taking out a loan to do so, one which we only finished paying off in 2015.
Then this is the (quite short) book for you.
Rarely taking more than 3 pages per incident of bellendery, Felton takes us through, funnily enough, 52 times Britain was so moustache twirlingly twatty that you have to think what the hell were people thinking.
Personal highlights from the book, nearly going to war with America over a pig, getting an elephant regularly blind drunk on wine, cleaning chimneys with a goose and paying slave owners 40% of the nation's yearly budget in compensation for losing their slaves, taking out a loan to do so, one which we only finished paying off in 2015.
October 26, 2019
Short but powerful. Witty and depressing. A fascinating insight into the lesser known parts of British history.
January 2, 2021
This book is definitely something of a mixed bag.
For anyone with a good knowledge of history, you won't learn anything new in here. For those who would like a deeper and more nuanced look at these events, you'll also be disappointed.
52 occasions are recounted, but with 2 pages dedicated to each, of which one page is a cartoon and the other a large font well spaced couple of paragraphs, you won't actually learn much more than the basics.
Nuance is a definite casualty within this book. These events can't exactly be excused, but giving the rationale behind the actions would be helpful, as Felton's prose makes it look as if Britain was being capricious at best, or malevolent for the sake of it, at worst. If he had actually gone into things in any depth then it would be easier to learn from his work.
Felton aims for humour, but doesn't achieve it. These events are hard to make funny and his attempts fall very short of that. The swearing doesn't add anything to what he is saying. Instead, it makes him look as if he's trying too hard to be funny. Almost like an inexperienced comedian who knows they are losing the room and so starts to add swears to their set in order to get people back.
This is a good gift for those acquaintances who aren't particularly clued up on British history, but don't half love to bang on about how great Britain is.
For anyone with a good knowledge of history, you won't learn anything new in here. For those who would like a deeper and more nuanced look at these events, you'll also be disappointed.
52 occasions are recounted, but with 2 pages dedicated to each, of which one page is a cartoon and the other a large font well spaced couple of paragraphs, you won't actually learn much more than the basics.
Nuance is a definite casualty within this book. These events can't exactly be excused, but giving the rationale behind the actions would be helpful, as Felton's prose makes it look as if Britain was being capricious at best, or malevolent for the sake of it, at worst. If he had actually gone into things in any depth then it would be easier to learn from his work.
Felton aims for humour, but doesn't achieve it. These events are hard to make funny and his attempts fall very short of that. The swearing doesn't add anything to what he is saying. Instead, it makes him look as if he's trying too hard to be funny. Almost like an inexperienced comedian who knows they are losing the room and so starts to add swears to their set in order to get people back.
This is a good gift for those acquaintances who aren't particularly clued up on British history, but don't half love to bang on about how great Britain is.
August 20, 2020
While told in quite an amusing manner, the litany of actions, ranging from full on atrocaities to blatent stupidity, most of which spurred by a selfish, petty, greedy, entitled behaviour is sobering.
We have gone round the world like a spoiled brat, taking and smashing other people's things in petulant ridiculous rages.
That we also destroyed the evidence of our own actions during the handing back of various territories, shows we knew it was wrong and did everything to not be held to account for our actions.
This is only a short list of "highlights" shall we say. The delusion of "British Greatness" that we tell ourselves is the cause of our own current crises and won't be fixed until as a society and a culture, we stop lying to ourselves. We've been lying for a long time though.
I completely see how the current Government are perfect examples of the bumbling, ignorant, selfish public school boys that happily stole from everyone. They are now stealing from us. Lets try learning something before we destroy ourselves.
We have gone round the world like a spoiled brat, taking and smashing other people's things in petulant ridiculous rages.
That we also destroyed the evidence of our own actions during the handing back of various territories, shows we knew it was wrong and did everything to not be held to account for our actions.
This is only a short list of "highlights" shall we say. The delusion of "British Greatness" that we tell ourselves is the cause of our own current crises and won't be fixed until as a society and a culture, we stop lying to ourselves. We've been lying for a long time though.
I completely see how the current Government are perfect examples of the bumbling, ignorant, selfish public school boys that happily stole from everyone. They are now stealing from us. Lets try learning something before we destroy ourselves.
January 19, 2020
This book is headlined as “things you didn’t learn at school” and that’s the first problem with it, as much of the content I did. Of the 52 subject matters, I would suggest a reasonably well educated Brit will know about 45 of them. Most of us know we abused other nations. Most of us know we concocted wicked ways to torture. Most of us know we did ridiculously stupid things, like hanging a monkey. Tell us something we didn’t know. Hey, and guess what, the majority of other nations were pretty nasty historically too!
I really struggle with the point of this book, other than to make a cheap political statement. It’s a book that hates Britain and throws scorn on today’s nation for deeds of the past. There is just no need.
I really struggle with the point of this book, other than to make a cheap political statement. It’s a book that hates Britain and throws scorn on today’s nation for deeds of the past. There is just no need.
October 5, 2022
This is a relatively short read, which highlights the horrendous acts of our predecessors, and, believe me, they certainly did not cover themselves in glory, to say the least! James Felton tries to inject some humour along the way, but it still makes grim reading, and there were a few incidences where I was genuinely horrified. If you want to read a glorious history of Britain, this book is not for you - but if you want to know the truth, this is a great introduction.
January 4, 2022
4 stars for this book. Extremely enjoyable read despite the subject matter. Felton has a true knack for making the worst of our history laugh out loud funny, which I did many a time reading this book.
Not only this, it’s an informative read, truly shocking me about our nations history and opening my eyes to the racist, homophobic and sexist nation that we are- which is saying something given our current society. My only criticism is that as you progress through the book, the subject matter becomes increasingly heavy and is in danger of desensitising the reader to the awful atrocities committed by our ancestors- however this comes with the territory and I suppose nothing much can be done to avoid except maybe spreading out reading with some other light material.
Not only this, it’s an informative read, truly shocking me about our nations history and opening my eyes to the racist, homophobic and sexist nation that we are- which is saying something given our current society. My only criticism is that as you progress through the book, the subject matter becomes increasingly heavy and is in danger of desensitising the reader to the awful atrocities committed by our ancestors- however this comes with the territory and I suppose nothing much can be done to avoid except maybe spreading out reading with some other light material.
December 26, 2020
this book was an amusing and informative read and did a good job of introducing hidden parts of british history to a wider audience for the most part. however, it felt a bit odd to be discussing such wildly horrific events in such a trivial and flippant way in some places, and there definitely wasn’t enough information in most of the chapters (most were 2 pages long, if that) to really inform anyone properly. that being said, it’s a good jumping off point to do your own googling, and is a really accessible way of bringing light to serious issues which are rarely spoken about in britain and would probably recommend for that alone!
July 24, 2021
Not so much addressing the balance of mindless "Britain can do no harm" patriotism as much as being just as bad in the other direction.
The shear waves of petty points overshadow the real harms in need of criticism. Few people have sleepless nights over some king not knowing how to look after a gift bear (a then exotic animal to the British), Darwin eating some rare animals and the government suggesting to temporarily relocate pets or put them down if that's too expensive in order to avoid them being in a war zone (which with hindsight was an overreaction). Imagine sandwiching such a class of criticisms around the war crimes of other nations. E.g. The Nazis were so vain Hugo Boss designed their outfits, something about genocide, but more importantly look at the silly moustache!
A few points go in the opposite direction. For example, 'the great skink' was downplayed. Politicians originally wanted to move out of the freshly built parliament to avoid doing anything to help. To be clear, I absolutely didn't expect a comprehensive and intellectual history, but I wouldn't put any more trust in the author's account than the average member of the public skimming Wikipedia.
As an aside: I didn't find the swearing excessive, but having the audiobook version did highlight his almost childish feeling of power at using the big boy words. I don't dock any points/respect for his nervous sounding narration; I know the feeling, and there was improvement throughout the book.
The shear waves of petty points overshadow the real harms in need of criticism. Few people have sleepless nights over some king not knowing how to look after a gift bear (a then exotic animal to the British), Darwin eating some rare animals and the government suggesting to temporarily relocate pets or put them down if that's too expensive in order to avoid them being in a war zone (which with hindsight was an overreaction). Imagine sandwiching such a class of criticisms around the war crimes of other nations. E.g. The Nazis were so vain Hugo Boss designed their outfits, something about genocide, but more importantly look at the silly moustache!
A few points go in the opposite direction. For example, 'the great skink' was downplayed. Politicians originally wanted to move out of the freshly built parliament to avoid doing anything to help. To be clear, I absolutely didn't expect a comprehensive and intellectual history, but I wouldn't put any more trust in the author's account than the average member of the public skimming Wikipedia.
As an aside: I didn't find the swearing excessive, but having the audiobook version did highlight his almost childish feeling of power at using the big boy words. I don't dock any points/respect for his nervous sounding narration; I know the feeling, and there was improvement throughout the book.
May 12, 2020
I’m already a bit of a history nerd, so I didn’t need this book to magically make me fall in love with the subject.
However, if you’re not in the same boat as me (or indeed, even if you are) please see the following reasons for why I think this book is a must read;
1. It presents history concisely and humorously. History is often seen as dry and presented in these tomes wider than your hand. Each of the 52 items are presented in a few paragraphs. The tone is lighthearted and it’s entertaining. Perhaps it detracts from the seriousness of the issues ever so slightly, but I heartily enjoyed it nonetheless.
2. From a British POV - a lot of this history was skimmed over, or not even taught in school (cough, COLONIALISM, cough). I actually ended up studying Russian and German history in more depth in my later years of education - while this was definitely interesting, I would have preferred to know more about the country in which I reside. This is a good introduction to that, and I look forward to finding out more, however negative or positive it is.
3. The illustrations are a nice touch.
However, if you’re not in the same boat as me (or indeed, even if you are) please see the following reasons for why I think this book is a must read;
1. It presents history concisely and humorously. History is often seen as dry and presented in these tomes wider than your hand. Each of the 52 items are presented in a few paragraphs. The tone is lighthearted and it’s entertaining. Perhaps it detracts from the seriousness of the issues ever so slightly, but I heartily enjoyed it nonetheless.
2. From a British POV - a lot of this history was skimmed over, or not even taught in school (cough, COLONIALISM, cough). I actually ended up studying Russian and German history in more depth in my later years of education - while this was definitely interesting, I would have preferred to know more about the country in which I reside. This is a good introduction to that, and I look forward to finding out more, however negative or positive it is.
3. The illustrations are a nice touch.
March 26, 2020
Initially both amusing and shocking, this slim volume received as a Christmas present was entertaining and absorbing. It didn't really dip in quality in any real sense, but in truth it settled in to a slightly limited 'coffee table' or 'toilet book' niche, and the impact of reading about mainly pre 1950s British colonial atrocities lessened. Which was slightly troubling for me in the end, as a reader. It shouldn't really be the case - how poorly we British treated our own, our colonial subjects, our neighbours and rivals shouldn't feel lessened by repetition or by a humorous/satirical treatment.. but by virtue of the remit of the book it was at risk of doing so. I therefore feel harsh to criticise what is a well-written and well-meaning book which will be the stimulus for further and more in-depth reading on my part. Recommended with caveats.
January 14, 2020
Ending the year on 5 stars - So happy with this Christmas present!
Perfect combination of historical fact and wit - a really great insight into history that isn't typically explored in the classroom.
Loved the artwork as well as the narrative - felt like i was reading an adult Horrible Histories!
Perfect combination of historical fact and wit - a really great insight into history that isn't typically explored in the classroom.
Loved the artwork as well as the narrative - felt like i was reading an adult Horrible Histories!
November 28, 2023
Didn't like this book.
Although the individual stories were interesting the over-use of swearing was purile and totally spoilt the read. If I had paid full cover price I would be asking for a refund.
Although the individual stories were interesting the over-use of swearing was purile and totally spoilt the read. If I had paid full cover price I would be asking for a refund.
November 15, 2019
What a brilliant idea! Shame the author didn’t bother to research each event and write about it in depth!
This is essentially 52 sound bites, fit for twitter but not for a book. Save your money.
This is essentially 52 sound bites, fit for twitter but not for a book. Save your money.
September 26, 2020
A woke book of our time.
Ignores what we have achieved and instead focus' on the negatives.
Feels like propaganda.
Ignores what we have achieved and instead focus' on the negatives.
Feels like propaganda.
January 10, 2023
Bad. Unfunny. Smug.
September 2, 2021
A very amusing - at times laugh out loud funny - account of the ‘history we’re not taught at school’. As the title suggests, the author takes us through a list of the bad things we’ve done throughout history - including the often insane reasons we use to justify them.
On the whole, an enjoyable read which did also highlight our enormous failings as a nation throughout history.
On the whole, an enjoyable read which did also highlight our enormous failings as a nation throughout history.
August 16, 2021
a great, educational read whittled in with comedy because Brits will refuse to admit their faults, let alone read a book about them, unless there’s a catchy title and a cartoon drawing of a dick on the front
June 18, 2024
Let me begin by saying I am not British. I have been to the UK at least a dozen times, and I have friends there with whom I am in regular contact. I know a good deal of British history, probably more than some British people. However, all of that does not give me leave to criticize another country, so I'm just going to tell you what to expect without judgment on my part, except as it pertains to the author himself. I will save my judgment for the author.
Right up front, the author tells us he will be judging the past "by today's standards," which puts a biased spin on it. As for the title, I'm going to let you look up the slang term "bellend" though you will guess, based on the illustration. Also, make note that the author is a comedian.
The book begins with the Opium Wars, and if you think the Chinese were being punished for selling opium you would be wrong. It goes on to point out the worst in people and policy for 150+ pages that are dripping with sarcasm. Now I dearly love sarcasm, but it shouldn't hit you over the head like a mallet.
Some snippets are: Darwin had foibles; Churchill had flaws - but WOW; Queen Elizabeth I had a thing about knit hats; the British have a fetish about Catholics; child and goose abuse; Vinegar Valentines; very nearly infecting Europe with anthrax - on purpose. He excoriates British foreign policy, war policy, museum collections ( which I think saved things that might have been destroyed), and laws. On the plus side, I now have a new expression; bat, rat, and cat shit crazy. I'm going to use it.
I'm well aware that some modern British people have a tendency to see their government at any given moment of history in the worst possible light. While every event in this book is undoubtedly true, and the sarcastic delivery to be expected, I had a gut full at around mid book. With more than 50 pages to go, and a listing of all the author's brilliant (my own bit of sarcasm) accomplishments and a long advertisement for his next book, I was more than happy to close this one for good and do something I have done only a very few times in my life - throw it in the trash.
Yes, I'm well aware that these things did happen and will continue to happen in Britain and in every other country on the face of the earth, but I challenge the author or anyone reading this to name me a country that didn't do something horrendous in the past. We are none of us perfect.
The reason I started to hate this book is that sarcasm only works if used judiciously and with a light touch. Felton uses it like a club with which to beat you. For the most part, his heavy hand and self-loathing, or should I say country-loathing, approach only made me think he was smug, superior, and himself a wanker of the first order.
Right up front, the author tells us he will be judging the past "by today's standards," which puts a biased spin on it. As for the title, I'm going to let you look up the slang term "bellend" though you will guess, based on the illustration. Also, make note that the author is a comedian.
The book begins with the Opium Wars, and if you think the Chinese were being punished for selling opium you would be wrong. It goes on to point out the worst in people and policy for 150+ pages that are dripping with sarcasm. Now I dearly love sarcasm, but it shouldn't hit you over the head like a mallet.
Some snippets are: Darwin had foibles; Churchill had flaws - but WOW; Queen Elizabeth I had a thing about knit hats; the British have a fetish about Catholics; child and goose abuse; Vinegar Valentines; very nearly infecting Europe with anthrax - on purpose. He excoriates British foreign policy, war policy, museum collections ( which I think saved things that might have been destroyed), and laws. On the plus side, I now have a new expression; bat, rat, and cat shit crazy. I'm going to use it.
I'm well aware that some modern British people have a tendency to see their government at any given moment of history in the worst possible light. While every event in this book is undoubtedly true, and the sarcastic delivery to be expected, I had a gut full at around mid book. With more than 50 pages to go, and a listing of all the author's brilliant (my own bit of sarcasm) accomplishments and a long advertisement for his next book, I was more than happy to close this one for good and do something I have done only a very few times in my life - throw it in the trash.
Yes, I'm well aware that these things did happen and will continue to happen in Britain and in every other country on the face of the earth, but I challenge the author or anyone reading this to name me a country that didn't do something horrendous in the past. We are none of us perfect.
The reason I started to hate this book is that sarcasm only works if used judiciously and with a light touch. Felton uses it like a club with which to beat you. For the most part, his heavy hand and self-loathing, or should I say country-loathing, approach only made me think he was smug, superior, and himself a wanker of the first order.
December 29, 2022
A great combination of lively writing and painfully accurate history easily digested in an evening.
All those flag shaggers pontificating about sovereignty and how they personally liberated Western Europe at the end of the second world war need to read this, particularly around Britain's role in drug wars, concentration camps, and recompensing slave owners rather than slaves at the end of slavery.
Jingoistic notions of British exceptionalism and misguided notions of a benign British Empire have been fostered by populist demagogues like Johnson.
Britain may have done some good things, but we also did some bad things - in the case of the Indian famine even while we were doing good thigs (helping to defeat Hitler) we were doing bad things (letting millions die). If we cannot critically examine our own pasts as nations and as people, then we deny ourselves the scope for growth and instead fall into the hubris of unthinking pride.
Brexit is daily proof of the peril of thinking it is enough just to "be British" and the rest of the world will do as we desire.
All those flag shaggers pontificating about sovereignty and how they personally liberated Western Europe at the end of the second world war need to read this, particularly around Britain's role in drug wars, concentration camps, and recompensing slave owners rather than slaves at the end of slavery.
Jingoistic notions of British exceptionalism and misguided notions of a benign British Empire have been fostered by populist demagogues like Johnson.
Britain may have done some good things, but we also did some bad things - in the case of the Indian famine even while we were doing good thigs (helping to defeat Hitler) we were doing bad things (letting millions die). If we cannot critically examine our own pasts as nations and as people, then we deny ourselves the scope for growth and instead fall into the hubris of unthinking pride.
Brexit is daily proof of the peril of thinking it is enough just to "be British" and the rest of the world will do as we desire.
January 14, 2020
I expected to already be familiar with most of the content, given the fact that I read up a lot on world history, in general, but I was pleasantly surprised to find a whole lot that was new to me. ‘Pleasantly’ might be the wrong word to use though, as the author lays out some pretty grim stuff. Having said that, the book is also very funny and the audiobook narrator delivers it with perfect timing and style. So, yes... this book is both grim (content) and funny (delivery of content) without the latter diminishing the former.
If swearing offends you, be warned because there’s a lot in this book. And then consider the fact you should be more offended by what humans have done to each other over the years (and even worse - cherry picking what they wish to remember and promote), than a bit of strong language.
My only criticism of this book was that it wasn’t long enough for me. I definitely wanted to hear more.
If swearing offends you, be warned because there’s a lot in this book. And then consider the fact you should be more offended by what humans have done to each other over the years (and even worse - cherry picking what they wish to remember and promote), than a bit of strong language.
My only criticism of this book was that it wasn’t long enough for me. I definitely wanted to hear more.
August 21, 2020
This book may be short, but it very effectively highlights just some of the many (many, many) times throughout history when Britain and the British were, indeed, complete and utter fecking bellends. It's told with pointed dark humour, and Mathew Baynton (of Horrible Histories, etc) is the perfect narrator for the tone of the book.
I thought it was pretty accessible as a history book - quite the opposite of dry and dull. The only caveat is that there's a LOT of swearing, so if you're not into that, and the title didn't already give you a clue, best steer clear. Not one for the younger kids either, of course, despite the Horrible Histories link!
I thought it was pretty accessible as a history book - quite the opposite of dry and dull. The only caveat is that there's a LOT of swearing, so if you're not into that, and the title didn't already give you a clue, best steer clear. Not one for the younger kids either, of course, despite the Horrible Histories link!
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August 4, 2020The 53 example was somebody telling this dickhead he was clever and funny.
I think it best to describe this book as something written by a 14 year old masquerading as a grow up. Lots of swearing, lavatorial humour, non sequiturs and an unbelievable amount of ignorance.
Oh, I have tried it and that was 99p wasted. I can bear the financial loss but it is the feeling of violent abuse to my intellect that is truly depressing.
A truly awful book.
I think it best to describe this book as something written by a 14 year old masquerading as a grow up. Lots of swearing, lavatorial humour, non sequiturs and an unbelievable amount of ignorance.
Oh, I have tried it and that was 99p wasted. I can bear the financial loss but it is the feeling of violent abuse to my intellect that is truly depressing.
A truly awful book.
December 2, 2020
Educational and Important but written in a way that is fun and accessible
The kind of book I want to have endless copies of so I can just throw it at people who come out with that classic weird shite about “the good old days when Britain ruled”
The kind of book I want to have endless copies of so I can just throw it at people who come out with that classic weird shite about “the good old days when Britain ruled”
March 3, 2020
Hilarious! Also pretty informative, lots of stuff to go look up in more depth afterwards.
October 23, 2020
Sorry real historians but I now think all history should be taught to us by comedians.
I found this so funny, interesting and shocking (animal bits) and quite frankly I want more.
I found this so funny, interesting and shocking (animal bits) and quite frankly I want more.
February 21, 2021
It's clear that every country prefers to dwell on only the good things in its history, but it is fair to say that the particular English nationalism that is presently in control of the UK state, is truly exceptional in its desire to ignore so much of reality. It fixates on unrepresentative aspects in both its own history and that of its neighbours, while throwing in bits of conspiracy theorising about bendy bananas and the like to boot. This nationalism, in its very crudest versions, reduces history to the World War II years only, where England did indeed shine so well, but where by contrast, the continentals get all cast as either goose-stepping Nazis, or feeble cowards who surrendered because of a lack of grit. There are, however other years that have existed besides 1939 to 1945, and so a slightly more sophisticated version of this nationalism, will indeed have a better historical range, but yet will still have the same self-evasive cowardice when it comes to the many negative aspects that occurred in the course of English history.
This simple history would be something like the diffusion to the world of the rule of law, liberal democracy, and international trade, as a perhaps unwarranted gift to all other nations. While these elements are good things, and England/Britain did have a lot of agency in their creation and dissemination, and this should be acknowledged, it would yet be untruthful to say that the whole history of this polity can be expressed in these terms. For obviously, there are many things in its history that contradict these principles, such as the lawless invasions and misappropriations of so many countries, a racial democracy for Anglo-Saxons for the majority of its history, and economic colonialism which, whether by mercantilism or unfair trade, reduced its imperial provinces and many non-European countries to merely raw materials suppliers. There are many other examples, of both positive and negative elements, which could be mentioned, but the cherry-picking issue regarding history has been sufficiently identified.
In addition, this nationalism is committed to views about wider reality which are not empirically attested, most particularly about Europe. In this, the British press has not always been noted for the quality of its reporting and analysis, witnessed by its invention of the literary genre of 'imaginary regulations absurdism', with such items as the permitted curvature of bananas, and countless other canards. The general import is that the EU inevitably has a bizarre fetish for mindless bureaucracy and pointless regulations, largely because of its misbegotten character, as it is imagined, as a supranational organisation, the nature of which contradicts the supposed natural of order of things, this being totally free-standing and wholly sovereign nation-states. The idea, it seems, is that Britain, by essence, is the nation-state which most truly inhabits the Westphalian nation-state ideal and its ‘dynamic’ possibilities, and so it is the one that loses most by sharing sovereignty with other states. For those other European countries are shown to have an inferior national character by virtue of their willingness to continue with the EU project, and so to deny their independence, and therefore, as it is imagined, own true nature.
By this stance, then, Britain as member of the EU, was metaphysically constrained and reduced, where now outside and unbound, it can surge forward to the future that a blind faith in ideology provides. Of course, the more empirically grounded view of things would be concerned with such facts as how around 50% of both its imports and exports comes from and goes to EU countries, and of how international trade generally is and will be conducted in terms of the standards and dynamics set by the three largest trade blocks that the UK won’t be part of (USA, the EU and China), and of how, therefore the UK as a relatively small country, will be dancing to the tune set by others for a long time to come.
As such, it is clearly not worth much to have merely theoretical sovereignty in the sense of unenforceable rights, such as the UK has acquired for itself by Brexit. What obviously counts, rather, is the actual ability of a state to influence the world around it such that its interests are safeguarded, and if this is more effectively achieved by membership in a supranational union, then the purpose of sovereignty is clearly attained, even though the formal description of such a state would, to the clueless observer, suggest that its freedom is reduced.
The prior history of Ireland is a case in point, in that the first few decades of independence, while having full formal political and economic sovereignty, consisted of decline and near collapse. For having formal independence and self-determination unfortunately did not take account of, and could not counteract, the economic and political realities which took no notice of the new constitutional order. Ireland did of course try to attain actual economic independence, by protectionism and autarky, but unfortunately this didn’t work. This was combined, it is fair to say, with an angular and obsessive nationalism which refused to acknowledge the existence of the Unionist people in northern Ireland as having some say over their future, and in general, of a refusal to allow Irishness be defined in a broader and more encompassing manner. In these ways, the history of Ireland for many decades after independence was in some ways an unhappy one. And so long as the EU didn’t exist, as an economic and political organisation in which we could for the first time participate as equals, the future for Ireland would not have been likely great.
There are of course some parallels with Brexit Britain here, for the UK is gaining the window dressing of independence, but not alas enough of its substance. It will feel ideologically pure about itself, but unfortunately, any serious analysis shows that all it will actually gain is immense economic pain. This is, again, because it concentrates inordinately on the mere idea of sovereignty, but completely neglects the actual operation of it. And Brexit Britain refuses to attenuate itself in any way, even though its inflamed trajectory makes it more probable than not that the UK will break up. In these ways, this overwrought version of English nationalism, by its evasive reading of history, conspiracy theorising, and fanaticism, is the perverse force that will likely cause what will be the former countries of the UK to rejoin the EU, separately, at some not too distant date.
This simple history would be something like the diffusion to the world of the rule of law, liberal democracy, and international trade, as a perhaps unwarranted gift to all other nations. While these elements are good things, and England/Britain did have a lot of agency in their creation and dissemination, and this should be acknowledged, it would yet be untruthful to say that the whole history of this polity can be expressed in these terms. For obviously, there are many things in its history that contradict these principles, such as the lawless invasions and misappropriations of so many countries, a racial democracy for Anglo-Saxons for the majority of its history, and economic colonialism which, whether by mercantilism or unfair trade, reduced its imperial provinces and many non-European countries to merely raw materials suppliers. There are many other examples, of both positive and negative elements, which could be mentioned, but the cherry-picking issue regarding history has been sufficiently identified.
In addition, this nationalism is committed to views about wider reality which are not empirically attested, most particularly about Europe. In this, the British press has not always been noted for the quality of its reporting and analysis, witnessed by its invention of the literary genre of 'imaginary regulations absurdism', with such items as the permitted curvature of bananas, and countless other canards. The general import is that the EU inevitably has a bizarre fetish for mindless bureaucracy and pointless regulations, largely because of its misbegotten character, as it is imagined, as a supranational organisation, the nature of which contradicts the supposed natural of order of things, this being totally free-standing and wholly sovereign nation-states. The idea, it seems, is that Britain, by essence, is the nation-state which most truly inhabits the Westphalian nation-state ideal and its ‘dynamic’ possibilities, and so it is the one that loses most by sharing sovereignty with other states. For those other European countries are shown to have an inferior national character by virtue of their willingness to continue with the EU project, and so to deny their independence, and therefore, as it is imagined, own true nature.
By this stance, then, Britain as member of the EU, was metaphysically constrained and reduced, where now outside and unbound, it can surge forward to the future that a blind faith in ideology provides. Of course, the more empirically grounded view of things would be concerned with such facts as how around 50% of both its imports and exports comes from and goes to EU countries, and of how international trade generally is and will be conducted in terms of the standards and dynamics set by the three largest trade blocks that the UK won’t be part of (USA, the EU and China), and of how, therefore the UK as a relatively small country, will be dancing to the tune set by others for a long time to come.
As such, it is clearly not worth much to have merely theoretical sovereignty in the sense of unenforceable rights, such as the UK has acquired for itself by Brexit. What obviously counts, rather, is the actual ability of a state to influence the world around it such that its interests are safeguarded, and if this is more effectively achieved by membership in a supranational union, then the purpose of sovereignty is clearly attained, even though the formal description of such a state would, to the clueless observer, suggest that its freedom is reduced.
The prior history of Ireland is a case in point, in that the first few decades of independence, while having full formal political and economic sovereignty, consisted of decline and near collapse. For having formal independence and self-determination unfortunately did not take account of, and could not counteract, the economic and political realities which took no notice of the new constitutional order. Ireland did of course try to attain actual economic independence, by protectionism and autarky, but unfortunately this didn’t work. This was combined, it is fair to say, with an angular and obsessive nationalism which refused to acknowledge the existence of the Unionist people in northern Ireland as having some say over their future, and in general, of a refusal to allow Irishness be defined in a broader and more encompassing manner. In these ways, the history of Ireland for many decades after independence was in some ways an unhappy one. And so long as the EU didn’t exist, as an economic and political organisation in which we could for the first time participate as equals, the future for Ireland would not have been likely great.
There are of course some parallels with Brexit Britain here, for the UK is gaining the window dressing of independence, but not alas enough of its substance. It will feel ideologically pure about itself, but unfortunately, any serious analysis shows that all it will actually gain is immense economic pain. This is, again, because it concentrates inordinately on the mere idea of sovereignty, but completely neglects the actual operation of it. And Brexit Britain refuses to attenuate itself in any way, even though its inflamed trajectory makes it more probable than not that the UK will break up. In these ways, this overwrought version of English nationalism, by its evasive reading of history, conspiracy theorising, and fanaticism, is the perverse force that will likely cause what will be the former countries of the UK to rejoin the EU, separately, at some not too distant date.
July 24, 2024
Bloody brilliant. Enraging, thoroughly researched, informative and very funny. A light but helpful antidote to the very "clean" and innocent version of British history that the British education system continues (to the best of my knowledge) to peddle. I can recommend the audiobook version of this, which is well-narrated and made me laugh out loud, while also jotting down furious notes of things I wanted to look up afterwards.
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