Something Like Beautiful: One Single Mother's Story

by Asha Bandele

“asha bandele has a poignant story to share in Something Like Beautiful. It is the love that comes through that makes this such a compelling tale.”
—Nikki Giovanni

 


Award-winning journalist, and author of The Prisoner’s Wife and Daughter, and performance poet featured on HBO’S Def Poetry Jam, asha bandele once again writes from the heart in her lyrical and intimate memoir Something Like Beautiful—a moving story of love, loss, motherhood, and survival. Sharing the story of her struggles as a single black mother in New York City and her tragically self-destructive near-breakdown, asha bears her soul in a book Rebecca Walker, author of Baby Love, calls “courageous, profound, and achingly beautiful.”

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, African American, Autobiography

208 pages, Hardcover

First published January 21, 2009

About the author

An award-winning author and journalist, asha bandele first attained recognition when she penned her 1999 debut book, The Prisoner’s Wife, a powerful, lyrical memoir about a young Black woman’s romance and marriage with a man who was serving a twenty-to-life sentence in prison. With the hope that they would live as a couple in the outside world, she became pregnant with a daughter. A former features editor for Essence Magazine, she returns with her latest memoir, Something Like Beautiful, the continuation of her love with Rashid and its ultimate loss, with another emotional disappointment and a serious bout of depression. She is also the author of two collections of poems and the novel, Daughter. She lives in Brooklyn with her daughter, Nisa.

Reviews

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book talked about Asha's perspective of raising her daughter as a single woman. This book also disappointed me because she never fully disclosed her break-up with Rashid. The beginning of the book talked of joys, sadness, trials, obstacles, and depression of raising Nisa alone. However, as the story progressed, the reader learns that Asha chose to end her marriage with Rashid because she felt she couldn't handle the dynamics of the relationship anymore, nor did she want to do everything in her power to keep her family together. I felt she was embarrassed by this decision, and felt guilty. She mentioned several times how she couldn't forgive herself for ending the marriage, but yet she still allows Nisa the privilege in having a relationship with her father. She failed me, as a woman, a wife, and a mother. I thought she would be tougher than she was and described herself to be...

This version of was an uncorrected, unedited version. There were many errors, and disconnected thoughts throughout the telling of the story. There was not enough detail for me to keep me engaged, and I caught myself on more than one occasion trying to rush through the book. Some of the chapters did not flow well together, and it seemed as if she was trying to hide the fact that Rashid was not in her life... especially after she made such a major deal about their relationship in her first book, .

This book just came across as a random ranting and outpouring of disjointed thoughts and emotions. Her description of motherhood, as a single parent, was somewhat moving and emotional, but it lacked details.

I rate this book a 3. Yes it does talk about her single mother's story, but it lacked quite a bit of detail and substance. I would only recommend this book to single mothers.

[Donura · Rating 5 out of 5]

RATING: 5 out of 5


Ms. Bandele has written a moving, and very personal memoir of the trials and triumphs of motherhood, in particular, single motherhood.

I was touched by much of the personal pain she was willing to share. I believe that there will be just as many children as there will be mothers who will benefit from her honesty and frank discussion of the feelings that children have when they have lost their mother relationship. Let us hope that her discussion and revelations of therapy may help others not repeat the mistakes of their mothers. She is forthright in her acknowledgement that it is painful to admit the demons of hate that she had to overcome.

Her most profound statement in the book, “Parenting is not one moment or ten moments. It’s not one year or five years. It’s the whole thing, all the moments and years added up together. It’s a lifetime……” This is something that needs to be a mantra to young women everywhere. Share this book with someone, a mother, a coming of age young woman, a good friend. Let us help Ms. Bandele get the word out about the worthiness of the “mothers” that raise children.

[Esta Montano · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I was a mother, a single mother, a single Black mother. I was part of a tradition of women who do not bend and who do not break. This is what is said, this is how I now defined myself. As someone with no room for error."According to the author of this memoir, 60% of Black women in the US suffer from depression: this book is, in fact, an exploration of Bandele's own depression and how she escaped it.

Bandele describes depression in a number of ways in her memoir, but the most compelling for me were her words, "In the most simple terms, depression is a broken heart." Resulting from growing up with her own trauma as an adoptee and suffering early abuse, the author enters her relationships with temerity. She meets and marries an incarcerated man, Rashid, and together they have a daughter, Nisa. Plans for Rashid's release become altered when he is issued a deportation order to his native Guyana, and eventually, Bandele moves on. (It is not clear what ever happened to this order, whether or not he was still incarcerated at the time of the book's publication or if he was indeed deported, but there was evidence of his remaining a presence albeit via phone in his child's life). She enters a subsequent relationship with an abusive partner and eventually falls into unhealthy patterns of drinking and other damaging practices.

It is the author's dedication to her daughter that allows her to liberate herself. She comes to realize who she needs to be and why, and is able to find meaning where she had been unable to before. Most crucially, she learns to value herself.

This is a very personal book and Bandele shares a lot of very intimate information. While doing so, she provides necessary commentary on the lives of Black women and the circumstances that they face. It is also especially important as it provides testimony of how the relationships between incarcerated people and their partners are made so difficult by the system.

[Pragya Bhatt · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me some time to dive into the narrative. I found it very heavy in the first few chapters - making it difficult to gain context of the story. I felt like I was reading about the author's feelings without an accurate context of why the feelings were there.

But once I got into the narrative I couldn't put the book down and could only marvel at the author's resilience and courage. I would recommend the book to women who're trying to figure out this motherhood phase.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars asha bandele is the kind of writer whose words and prose make me feel like I'm being hugged by a wise & comforting human being. This memoir explores her journey to motherhood & the speedbumps along the way. She graciously shares her wisdom and I am thankful.

[Constance Chevalier · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book reads like a personal therapy journal; it helps the writer the most.

[Mom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting, poetic look at this single mother’s life. Her trials as a black woman who tries to overcome the stereotype while living it.

[kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I really did. Although miss bandele writes beautifully throughout this memoir, the chapters do not seem to flow together into a readable account of what happened. There are some places in the book where I am still unclear about what exactly took place because she completely lost me in unrelated statistics and prose. Then there are some crucial details at the heart of the story that she never tells. She never fully discloses how she gets out of the abusive relationship or what really ended it between her and Rashid. There is no 'story' here, just a disjointed collection of rants and journal entries that lack an editor and the thread to pull together the whole story and make it into a readable, coherent account.

And my criticisms here are the same as they were in her first book, "The Prisoner's Wife". Although I am not judging bandele for her decision to pursue a romantic relationship with a prisoner, I am judging the way she chooses a "why me" attitude throughout her books. She chose to marry someone who was incarcerated for life. The possibilities of him getting out were slim to none (most prisoners with life sentences DO NOT get parole), and the possibility always existed of him being transferred to another prison. However, these are the realities of the life that SHE chose to take on as a prisoner's wife. And although she did not plan on becoming a parent, she knew that in order to do so, she would have to be a single one because obviously her husband isn't able to be there. The fact that bandele may have felt as if her life would be free from the difficulties and challenges that hundreds of other people with incarcerated spouses face strikes to the illogic at the heart of this book. It seems that she could not handle the pressures of being a prisoners wife, and felt guilty about this. While I applaud bandele for having the heart to tell her story, I probably will not read another one of her memoirs.

[Brooke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this as an advanced read from Harper Collins, so here is my review. I thought this book was written well, but it is more or less an outpouring of the authors feelings and emotions and doesn't really flow as a story. I was impressed with how real and open she was and I found her history fascinating. The whole time I read however, I was wanting to find out more details. I wanted to know how she married her husband, what exactly lead up to the deportation order, how he reacted to her leaving, some of the details of visiting him, and how she went from their break-up to the next phases of her life. I wanted to hear "the story", and not just her emotions surrounding each event! Possibly, I would have felt differently about this book if I had more in common with the author, but her life is very different from mine and because of this it was intriguing, but the writing was not detailed enough for me to really relate. I think I would like her poetry and because she writes well, would be interested in reading another by her.

[Krista Varela Posell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I had just read bandele's first memoir "The Prisoner's Wife" and was excited to find that she had written a second memoir. While some may go into reading this book as a sequel to TPW, it is really its own separate story. We enter the first chapter knowing her marriage does not work out, so the reader isn't wondering whether she ultimately makes it work with Rashid. This book is less about the dissolution of her marriage and more about her finding her identity as a single mother. It's definitely more of a character-driven emotional journey than one that has a clear chronological structure. While some readers may crave scenes with asha and Rashid (and at times I admit I wanted him to be a more present character on the page), their relationship is not the central conflict of this memoir like it was in TPW. In both books, however, bandele writes in such a raw, honest way that compelled me to finish both in just a couple of sittings.

[Darnetta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Something Like Beautiful is a personal account of the author's romance with a prisoner on the surface. But there is so much more ashe bandele offers. She takes readers to states some are afraid to confront; depression and abuse. This confessional/poetry/journaling for her daughter seems to be to expose herself so that others, in and of her position, see that they aren't alone and it's okay to need help and equally okay to seek it.

I applaud bandele's courage in sharing her story. I'm sure she's been ridiculed by the taboo-ness of dating someone incarcerated, made to feel shameful for describing it so lovingly, and bashed for putting her business out there. But the realness of the situation makes for powerfully conveyed messages and she did it well.

[Nardsbaby Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Second Chances

I didn't read A PRISONER'S WIFE, but I liked the title of this book and wanted to see if the story would be as poignant. Needless to say, Asha is gifted with her craft and is sure to move you whether you can personally relate to her story as a single mother battling depression, pain, love and choices.

I'm a sucker at times for happily ever after. While Asha's life didn't take the road she'd banked on, she's able to maintain her job, love her daughter and survive, but at what cost?

SOMETHING LIKE BEAUTIFUL is moving. While many may not like memoirs, I believe that it's a good read that may inspire others.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given a proof to read before publication. Very stream of consciousness and disjointed at times. There were so many feelings and full blown emotions. Much anger, guilt, depression, regret. Once you got past all of that, asha's pursuit of life showed her strenth of character and honest reflections. There was very strong love and hope for her daughter. There were universal feelings regarding motherhood. Words that would describe asha's memoir to me would be continued growth and endurance of a varied life.

[Stephanie Brook · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sad, beautiful book... it was recommended to me by someone who had gone through an abusive relationship, to help me understand a bit more about what it is like to be the one being abused. It didn't really make it that much clearer to me, and I still have such a hard time understanding how abused women go back for more... but it did open my eyes a bit to the reality of abusive relationships. I really enjoyed the book, though. It was well written, and full of raw emotion.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book Sunday morning with the intent to only read a few chapters and then continue my day. I read the book in 3 hours. It was sad to see that her marriage from "The Prisoner's Wife" did not survive. It was sad to see her go from such a loving relationship to one that was abusive on so many levels. I really love her writing style. It was like having a friend over for tea and listening to her pour out her heart. This was a good book to begin my 2011 reading list.

[Talya · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this powerful memoir asha shares her life with the reader. Her emotions are so beautifully shared and it is not just about being a single mother or about loving an unavailable man, but a book about depression, family, and reflection. The writing feels a bit disjointed at times but I think it is asha's poetic style of writing. I am looking forward to reading her other novels.

[Yvonne · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars really. Just as lyrical and powerfully written as her first sutobiographical book though not quite as moving I think. I really appreciate how unflinchingly she speaks the truth, her truth, and her writing gives insights into things I will never know. I'm very glad to have found this author.

[Thorn MotherIssues · Rating 2 out of 5]

This didn't work for me. The parts that were poetic were where I wanted details, and the parts with details seemed to prosaic. I don't know if it's because I read it while I was sick that it seemed to go too fast and get nowhere, but I was disappointed.

[Patricia Baquero · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate Asha's openness to discuss her personal journey into Motherhood and learning how to live her best moments despite the obstacles that occurred (depression, domestic violent relationship, etc). I was able to reflect on my own life while reading her many passages.

[Shateka Pettis · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very touching story of how she deals with being a single mother. I agree with others that the book doesn't have a clear flow from chapter to chapter but it all still made sense. A lot of the topics she spoke on was very relevant to my life as a step parent.

[Msbossy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very honest memoir.

[Ruth · Rating 2 out of 5]

memoir

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember reading the first book "the prisoners wife" and this is written with just as must beauty and truth. It's a keeper.

[she.likes.books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very honest and inspiring.

[Fazette · Rating 5 out of 5]

i SWEAR i do not overrate books. this one, was fabulous. i cried in several pivotal moments. i love how asha finds herself, and shares it with the world.

i love her, for her journey.

[Yvette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to see the struggles all single parents go through, no matter how they became single. I really like the way she relays her story, very touching.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A story of single motherhood. A story of coming out of Depression and addictions. A story of waking up and feeling the world and seeing the beauty of life.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF--just couldn't get into it. Not that it was awful, just not for me.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as captivating as her first autobiography....

[Adrianna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Intelligent and strong woman but read more like a journal than a book. It was just her talking, and there wasn't much of a story.