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Bad Childhood---Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood
In this important book, Dr. Laura Schlessinger shows men and women that they can have a Good Life no matter how Bad their Childhood. For each of us, there is a connection between our early family dynamics and experiences and our current attitudes and decisions. Many of the people Dr. Laura has helped did not realize how their histories impacted their adult lives, or how their choices in people, repetitive situations, and decisions -- even their emotional reactions -- were connected to those early negative experiences, playing a major role in their current unhappiness. For these people and millions like them, too much time is dedicated to repeating the ugly dynamics of childhood in a vain attempt to repair or cope with deep hurt and longings. Too often they use their emotional pain to control others or excuse their own inappropriate and destructive behaviors. Some turn to therapy, only to find themselves trapped in their self-pitying victim mode, robbed of optimism, confidence, and growth. Dr. Laura will help you realize that no matter what circumstances you came from or currently live in, you are ultimately responsible for how you react to them. The acceptance of this basic truth is the source of your power to secure the Good Life you long for. In her signature straightforward style, with real-life examples, Dr. Laura shows you what you will gain by not being satisfied with an identity as a victim, or even as a survivor -- but striving to be a victor!
272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2006
208 people are currently reading
730 people want to read
About the author
Laura Schlessinger
63 books253 followersLaura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews
January 22, 2009
I'm somewhat embarrassed to like this book so much due to Laura's history of homophobic B.S. while she was doing her 5-year stint as an Orthodox Jew, her "family values" empahsis, and that she also wrote a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Blech. Plus on her show she comes across as kinda mean.
But it's a good book. It's straightforward and contains a lot of good examples from people who called or wrote in about what it takes to basically "grow up" - to accept that while you childhood sucked, and may have left you with various problems or permanent scars, it's your life now and if you want it to be good you've got to accept that you are responsible for your actions and your life period - no matter what happened to you as a child. To stop suffering requires you to accept that your parents were how they were, you can't change them and being mad doesn't help, and that if you choose to fail to get back at them you are only hurting yourself. And you always have a choice. The same is true of relationships - if you end up trying to get someone to change or love you and they just aren't able to or don't choose to - that's something you have to accept. You can't fight reality and win - but you can accept and deal with reality and make a good life for yourself no matter what other people are up to.
I also like how she emphasizes that recovery involves finding a focus outside of yourself - being involved with other people in some capacity where you give of yourself. I find that many self-help books tend to encourage the self-absorption with personal pain that people with problems already struggle with. And it's not about being of service out of guilt or trying to deserve something by being "good"--it's about choosing to be part of the human project instead of stuck in your head forever.
And she does this without sounding harsh or abrupt or simplifying complex situations - which I expected given her demeanor on her show. Perhaps she comes across better when she has more space to explain things, or perhaps it's just that she has this preachy tone on air that turns me off. In any case, the book is compassionate and clear.
Great book. And I guess Laura is "gay-friendlier" of late. So OK.
But it's a good book. It's straightforward and contains a lot of good examples from people who called or wrote in about what it takes to basically "grow up" - to accept that while you childhood sucked, and may have left you with various problems or permanent scars, it's your life now and if you want it to be good you've got to accept that you are responsible for your actions and your life period - no matter what happened to you as a child. To stop suffering requires you to accept that your parents were how they were, you can't change them and being mad doesn't help, and that if you choose to fail to get back at them you are only hurting yourself. And you always have a choice. The same is true of relationships - if you end up trying to get someone to change or love you and they just aren't able to or don't choose to - that's something you have to accept. You can't fight reality and win - but you can accept and deal with reality and make a good life for yourself no matter what other people are up to.
I also like how she emphasizes that recovery involves finding a focus outside of yourself - being involved with other people in some capacity where you give of yourself. I find that many self-help books tend to encourage the self-absorption with personal pain that people with problems already struggle with. And it's not about being of service out of guilt or trying to deserve something by being "good"--it's about choosing to be part of the human project instead of stuck in your head forever.
And she does this without sounding harsh or abrupt or simplifying complex situations - which I expected given her demeanor on her show. Perhaps she comes across better when she has more space to explain things, or perhaps it's just that she has this preachy tone on air that turns me off. In any case, the book is compassionate and clear.
Great book. And I guess Laura is "gay-friendlier" of late. So OK.
July 28, 2015
In my honest opinion, this book was BS. I did not like her writing style. Most of it is segments from her radio show. And, it leaves you with more questions than answers or reassurance (For me anyways).What was this woman's childhood like? I want to know because she doesn't seem to get it. Her attitude towards the whole thing is too in your face- just get over it, basically. There is a difference in honesty that helps to motivate and honesty that victim blames. Guess which one she came off as? I did not agree with a lot of her opinions and the way she handled her callers. I was put off by the very first page. Thank god I borrowed this book from the library and wasted no money. Again, this is just MY opinion. The memory of this book is going in the Trash It section. Moving on.
March 26, 2015
My extended family has been invited to gather for a four hour therapy session at the request of one family member who blames sixty years of woes on family. I knew the universe was conspiring in my favor when it dropped this book in my lap! Dr. Laura Schlessinger opened my eyes to see the anger, aggression, sadness, blame, and child-like whining we have been subjected to is a result of our family member being stuck in a victim mode. Manipulative excuses have allowed our loved one to place the blame on a bad childhood and family members rather than accepting responsibility for their own actions, choices and behavior as an adult. As children, we are powerless; as adults we have the power to celebrate our successes, to cultivate happiness and to live in peace. Rather than allowing childhood experiences to dictate who we become, we must take the responsibility for being limited by them or moving on and letting them go. Dr. Laura also helped me to see that my assessment as to whether this family member actually had a bad childhood is irrelevant. My family member is damaged, broken and hurting and needs to find their way to healing, joy and peace. I am now looking forward to our therapy session as a first step in healing our broken family.
January 17, 2015
Bad Writing: Famous Author.
Anyone with a bad childhood doesn't need to be further punished by reading this bag of fluff. It was dry and didn't maintain my interest. I really tried to force myself to get through it, but it was one of these books you read and then ask yourself, "What did I read?"
I used to try to force myself to finish books after I purchased them, but this book cured me of it-so I did get that out of it.
Anyone with a bad childhood doesn't need to be further punished by reading this bag of fluff. It was dry and didn't maintain my interest. I really tried to force myself to get through it, but it was one of these books you read and then ask yourself, "What did I read?"
I used to try to force myself to finish books after I purchased them, but this book cured me of it-so I did get that out of it.
October 2, 2010
Change takes a lot more time and effort than Dr Laura claims. One cannot simply decide one day to let go of childhood traumas and say "I'm suddenly happy because I choose to be." It isn't that black and white. There are some good pieces in the book, however, so I gave it two stars.
July 25, 2015
This author's message: Stop being such a pussy and suck it up. Obviously this person had never been victimized or brutalized by her parents. This person has no business writing a "self-help" book. My opinion of this book? Toxic waste.
April 17, 2019
Oh God !
I was expecting a lot of this book, but unfortunately I could not, as it should, affect me and make me look more positive ...!
Of course I do not deny the goodness of the book, most of all, the part of "Letter to my father" impressed me.
I feel good to the doctor.
I was expecting a lot of this book, but unfortunately I could not, as it should, affect me and make me look more positive ...!
Of course I do not deny the goodness of the book, most of all, the part of "Letter to my father" impressed me.
I feel good to the doctor.
January 12, 2013
This book really hit home for me. I don't consider myself to have had a bad childhood, but I think we all carry attitudes or traits, or hurts that we wish we could rid ourselves of. There is a tendency in our society to point the finger if blame at our "bad childhood," or to blame parents for our bad character traits, or inability to make good decisions. Whatever the case, this book is excellent at showing us how important it is to live deliberately, no longer acting as a victim of whatever, and taking personal responsibility for the course of our own lives.
I only have 1 real beef with this book, and it has to do with Dr. Laura's stand on forgiveness. She says that you are not required to forgive someone who hasn't done their part to repent. I disagree. She seems to omply that in forgiving, we are letting someone "off the hook," or letting them get away with the offense. However, in the very next breath, she says that you do have to move past it and get over it. Essentially, this is forgiveness. Moving beyond past hurts and not constantly viewing a person through the filter of past offenses. She calls it moving on, I call it forgiveness.
I only have 1 real beef with this book, and it has to do with Dr. Laura's stand on forgiveness. She says that you are not required to forgive someone who hasn't done their part to repent. I disagree. She seems to omply that in forgiving, we are letting someone "off the hook," or letting them get away with the offense. However, in the very next breath, she says that you do have to move past it and get over it. Essentially, this is forgiveness. Moving beyond past hurts and not constantly viewing a person through the filter of past offenses. She calls it moving on, I call it forgiveness.
April 4, 2011
We had this as a bookclub read (not sure who recommended it) and it was geared more towards people who had an abusive and destructive childhood. I was only able to read the first couple chapters . . . it did help me appreciate my childhood more, even if it wasn't perfect.
July 26, 2018
I love listening to Dr. Laura but I felt this book was mostly rehashed segments and calls from her show, it didn't seem to give me the advice I was looking for in a book called, Bad Childhood, Good Life.
December 31, 2024
This was a very thought-provoking book. I could relate to a lot of the listeners who contacted her when she began taking letters in preparation for this book, and a lot of the callers she quoted in the book. I certainly wouldn't call my childhood a happy one, and I can relate to feeling like damaged goods because of some of what I've been through. A lot of what she mentions in coming to terms with your childhood I've heard before in the many years of therapy I've been through, but I know at least for me, it helps to hear the same thing through multiple sources. I guess it kind of reinforces it for me.
In this book, she stresses that a lot of the problems people have who have had a bad childhood stem from us internalizing everything that happens to us. What happened had to be our fault, and therefore every negative thing that ever happens is related to our faults, imagined or otherwise. I can relate to that. I'm always blaming myself for what happens, always thinking people are the way they are towards me because there's something wrong with me. But it's not all about you. That's one of the biggest things we have to come to terms with in trying to have a good life.
That's what this book is really about. We can have a good life despite whatever happened in our childhood. The pain will never go away, but we can learn to deal with it. We can learn from our experiences, even if that just means knowing how not to act.
There's also a lot in here about what to do with our relationships with those who have mistreated us as kids. Do we continue to have contact with them, or should we cut them out completely? There's a time and place for both.
I really liked the way this was written. It gave me a lot to think about and a lot I still need to work on.
In this book, she stresses that a lot of the problems people have who have had a bad childhood stem from us internalizing everything that happens to us. What happened had to be our fault, and therefore every negative thing that ever happens is related to our faults, imagined or otherwise. I can relate to that. I'm always blaming myself for what happens, always thinking people are the way they are towards me because there's something wrong with me. But it's not all about you. That's one of the biggest things we have to come to terms with in trying to have a good life.
That's what this book is really about. We can have a good life despite whatever happened in our childhood. The pain will never go away, but we can learn to deal with it. We can learn from our experiences, even if that just means knowing how not to act.
There's also a lot in here about what to do with our relationships with those who have mistreated us as kids. Do we continue to have contact with them, or should we cut them out completely? There's a time and place for both.
I really liked the way this was written. It gave me a lot to think about and a lot I still need to work on.
December 29, 2019
The good journey from victim to conqueror is not a slide on ice and doesn't take you to some magical place of pure happiness.the good journey is Asymptotic !which is a mathmatical term for a curve that continuesly approaches but never quite arrives at the destination free from horrible memories and their resultant current challenges...this paragraph was definitely one the bests I've read in this book .i finally finished it and remember reading some pages over and over again and actually that was the reason why it took tooooo long for me to put an end to this soul touching and astonishing book....the most important thing i noticed by reading this book which helped me pease a lot was that there are a loooot of people out there like me ...i know it may sound like something so obvious but when your emotions intervene it's not anymore!!!!so it helped a lot and there are a lot of people who have noticed it and dealt with it so why can't I ?and I'm over satisfied to read this book at this young age cause I can also consider myself lucky to have enough time and apportunity...i definitely loved the book but the reason I didn't give it a 5 star is because of the monotony in some parts that dr.laura kept repeating the same things for more than enough !!and the last part of the book which she mentioned some virtualities of her own life made me think of her as such a strong willed and courageous woman...and the last thing i wanna say that despite the monotony it was definitely helpful...thanks to Dr.laura
February 3, 2019
این کتاب دربارهی این هست که داشتن کودکیِ بد تصمیم شما نبوده، پس چیزی نیست که بابتش مسئول باشید. زندگی دربارهی آینده هست. پس هر آنچه در یک کودکی بد به شما گذشته یا نداشتید رو یک شب بپذیرید و آغوشتونو به آیندهای که تحت تاثیر گذشته نخواهد بود، باز کنید. شما مسئول بزرگسالی خودتون هستید. آغاز کنید به پمپاژ محبت و بزرگ باشید. یاد بگیرید که نسل بعدی خودتون، نباید چه چیزهایی رو تجربه کنه و کودکی خوبی برای نسل بعدی بسازید و لذتشو ببرید که از یه مرداب، نیلوفری زیبا روییده. نکته منفی در مورد این کتاب اینه که میشد در ۵۰ صفحه هم نوشتش ولی به هر حال بازار اقتضا کرده زیادهگویی کنه نویسنده.
January 11, 2022
My brother in law gave this book to my sister because of the things we experienced. After my sister read it, she gave me my own copy. I can not emphasize enough if you had trauma growing up this is a must read book. The chapter about not seeking love from the Devil because the Devil can’t love was what I needed to hear to break the cycle of trying to do anything and everything to please my step mom. This was the most liberating chapter for me to finally let go of the guilt that everything that happened was not my fault but choices my step mom made and that no matter what I did, it came done to her just not loving me and that she truly did enjoy being the “wicked stepmother” as she would tell me daily as she would call me Cinderella whenever she called me. I was always referred to the other woman’s child when introduced to any of her extended family.
This book helped me recognize habits and patterns I developed basically from the fight or flight our body creates to deal with trauma when you are doing everything you can to survive the moment but habits are not always healthy. Strongly suggest if you’ve experienced a bad childhood or know someone that has. This book will help you start to understand.
This book helped me recognize habits and patterns I developed basically from the fight or flight our body creates to deal with trauma when you are doing everything you can to survive the moment but habits are not always healthy. Strongly suggest if you’ve experienced a bad childhood or know someone that has. This book will help you start to understand.
December 23, 2023
I can see how this advice would be helpful but it was super repetitive.
February 18, 2019
What can I say about a book written on such a complicated subject? I gave it 4 stars because it was a book I didn’t want to have to read, I think. No fault to Dr. Laura. It is hard to let go of the painful memories of a bad childhood, even harder to let some of those people go. I like how she explained that you do not need to keep someone in your life just for the sake of family. Some people are abusive and toxic and need to be omitted from your life. You can still pray for and love them but it can be too painful to keep them an active member of your family circle. Dr. Laura was very clear and compassionate while sticking to her no nonsense attitude of one’s own health. It was freeing to read some of the scenarios and apply them to certain situations I or a friend is dealing with. My favorite thing she wrote was how people think they feel guilt for holding on to a relationship with a parent when, really, they were holding onto hope of what the relationship could have been all along. That really helped me let go. I bought more of her books to add to the “to be read” pile.
June 18, 2019
I've read a few of Dr. Laura's books and listen to her 'Call of the Day' podcast. She's a little too on the conservative side with some of her thinking for me, but in the end, offers some solid relationship guidance. The bottom line from this book: Don't let your bad childhood affect the rest of your life. I don't think I had a particularly 'bad' childhood, but every family has their quirks and dysfunction that leaves you wondering 'Are we normal?!' and 'Am I this way now because of what happened then?!' This book will encourage you to rise above anything in the past and journey into the future without being bogged down.
April 29, 2016
Yes, I gave a five star rating to a Dr. Laura book! Got a problem with that? LOL
This book gets five stars, not for the superb writing, but for being the most helpful book I've ever read on overcoming a bad childhood. Dr. Schlessinger can come off a bit bitchy, but I admire the way she speaks her truth. It's this exact toughness that enables her to say things that are not politically correct or "nice" but truthful and necessary to hear. I like to re-read this book every few years to re-tread the tire.
This book gets five stars, not for the superb writing, but for being the most helpful book I've ever read on overcoming a bad childhood. Dr. Schlessinger can come off a bit bitchy, but I admire the way she speaks her truth. It's this exact toughness that enables her to say things that are not politically correct or "nice" but truthful and necessary to hear. I like to re-read this book every few years to re-tread the tire.
August 24, 2008
So I have never been big on self-help. I would rather read about a ficticous character then how to fix my life, but I thought that I would try this one. I listen to Laura's radio show and she is straight to the point and fast to tell you like it is, but this book was nothing but clips from her radio show. It was no help at all and I have a hard time even giving it one star.
October 28, 2008
Okay...Dr.L..drives me crazy at times on her talk show, yet as I opened this book and noticed I couldn't put it down..I bought it. After reading it..it helped me realize now where she's coming from but most of all...she wants us all to thrive. The writing is not as direct and abrupt as she is on radio...but is heartfelt directed in a different manner...like a caring sister. Enjoy!
December 3, 2017
I didn't like this book it was not enlightening at all. it was a let down in many ways in my opinion.
such a shame because I really looked forward to the end of it and when I reached it I did not enjoy it at all.
such a shame because I really looked forward to the end of it and when I reached it I did not enjoy it at all.
March 7, 2018
i feel that she had/has issues with her own parents, which she admits to in the end. i feel she was giving advice based on her experiences. she was way to general in other aspects. very disappointed in this book
September 6, 2021
If this book triggers you, read it twice because it was meant for you.
November 18, 2025
In Bad Childhood, Good Life , Dr. Laura Schlessinger turns her attention to individuals shaped by painful or destabilizing early experiences, offering a message that is at once simple, compassionate, and deeply resonant: a difficult childhood does not have to predetermine the course of one’s adult life. Drawing on her years as a radio host, she anchors the book in real conversations with callers—many of them young, vulnerable, and desperate for guidance—whose stories illuminate both the complexity of familial dysfunction and the enduring human desire for healing.
Schlessinger’s central argument is straightforward. While parents possess immense power to influence a child’s development—for better or worse—the emotional injuries they cause are neither a child’s fault nor an inescapable burden. She emphasizes that self-determination, chosen values, and intentional action can allow individuals to transcend the shadows of neglect, chaos, or abuse. For readers who grew up in environments shaped by instability or immaturity, this focus on agency can feel both validating and empowering.
Although I do not always agree with Dr. Laura’s tone, nor with the rigidity of some of her traditional views, I have long respected the core values that animate her work: the conviction that family bonds matter, that personal responsibility can transform lives, and that service to others is a moral imperative. In this book especially, her compassion comes to the forefront. The way she engages with young callers—often frightened, sometimes angry, and almost always burdened by circumstances beyond their control—reveals a gentler side of her perspective. She listens, she names the injustice they have endured, and she offers them the dignity of believing they can build lives not defined by the failures of their parents.
That insistence is perhaps the book’s greatest strength. Schlessinger repeatedly underscores that parental cruelty, neglect, or emotional absence reflect the limitations of the adults involved, not any deficiency in the child. The clarity with which she makes this point can serve as a powerful corrective for those who have internalized blame or shame for harms they neither invited nor deserved. Her confidence in the possibility of healing—of forging stability, meaning, and even joy in adulthood—is a theme that runs warmly through the text.
At the same time, some readers may feel that the book offers a more streamlined path to recovery than many survivors actually experience. Working through childhood trauma can require years of introspection, therapeutic support, and continual emotional labor. The process is not always linear, and its difficulty should not be understated. Yet even for those who find Schlessinger’s approach somewhat simplified, her message may nonetheless offer solace: one’s history need not be a life sentence, and one’s pain need not define one’s identity.
Ultimately, Bad Childhood, Good Life stands as a reminder that the past is powerful but not absolute. It affirms that the human spirit is capable of remarkable renewal—and that even in the aftermath of a damaged childhood, a meaningful, vibrant, and self-directed life remains possible.
Schlessinger’s central argument is straightforward. While parents possess immense power to influence a child’s development—for better or worse—the emotional injuries they cause are neither a child’s fault nor an inescapable burden. She emphasizes that self-determination, chosen values, and intentional action can allow individuals to transcend the shadows of neglect, chaos, or abuse. For readers who grew up in environments shaped by instability or immaturity, this focus on agency can feel both validating and empowering.
Although I do not always agree with Dr. Laura’s tone, nor with the rigidity of some of her traditional views, I have long respected the core values that animate her work: the conviction that family bonds matter, that personal responsibility can transform lives, and that service to others is a moral imperative. In this book especially, her compassion comes to the forefront. The way she engages with young callers—often frightened, sometimes angry, and almost always burdened by circumstances beyond their control—reveals a gentler side of her perspective. She listens, she names the injustice they have endured, and she offers them the dignity of believing they can build lives not defined by the failures of their parents.
That insistence is perhaps the book’s greatest strength. Schlessinger repeatedly underscores that parental cruelty, neglect, or emotional absence reflect the limitations of the adults involved, not any deficiency in the child. The clarity with which she makes this point can serve as a powerful corrective for those who have internalized blame or shame for harms they neither invited nor deserved. Her confidence in the possibility of healing—of forging stability, meaning, and even joy in adulthood—is a theme that runs warmly through the text.
At the same time, some readers may feel that the book offers a more streamlined path to recovery than many survivors actually experience. Working through childhood trauma can require years of introspection, therapeutic support, and continual emotional labor. The process is not always linear, and its difficulty should not be understated. Yet even for those who find Schlessinger’s approach somewhat simplified, her message may nonetheless offer solace: one’s history need not be a life sentence, and one’s pain need not define one’s identity.
Ultimately, Bad Childhood, Good Life stands as a reminder that the past is powerful but not absolute. It affirms that the human spirit is capable of remarkable renewal—and that even in the aftermath of a damaged childhood, a meaningful, vibrant, and self-directed life remains possible.
March 23, 2019
Probably better read than on audio....her tone and style seemed condescending to me at times, but LOVED the premise of the book! I really believe that we have power in changing our circumstances. I also enjoyed hearing examples from her callers and people who wrote in about their experiences. Appreciated the shift of being a victim to looking at "in spite of what happened..." and ways to move forward. I could see this as being a helpful resource to many of my adult therapy patients.
November 17, 2021
I feel kind of odd for reading this book--I'm not necessarily saying I had a horrible childhood, but self-help is kind of fun to read through. A lot of the advice is pretty spot on like don't let the crappy past effect how you are going to behave in the future. Although I don't think we can just let things go like in a day like Dr. Laura seems to believe. Sometimes we end up letting things go over time.
November 23, 2024
This is such a powerful and encouraging read. She shares so much wisdom about how to heal from a difficult past and create a happy, meaningful life. I love how she focuses on taking control of your own story and not letting your childhood define you. It’s honest, practical, and full of hope. Definitely a book I���d recommend to anyone looking to grow and move forward in a positive way!
August 13, 2018
A great book! It seemed a little harsh at first, but I stuck with it and it was amazing. Great insights into my own behavior and how to move forward from past heartache. Highly recommend for anyone wanting to heal from a horrible past.
May 3, 2019
Even though I do not consider that I had a bad childhood, my mother certainly did, and this book gave me insights into some of her struggles, which have had an impact on me. Highly recommend this book!!
July 21, 2019
Solid, no-nonsense advice on how to have a great life even after a bad childhood. This is the first Dr. Laura book I read and I chose it because it seemed to have transcripts of radio calls which I thought would be more interesting than generalized advice.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews