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How to Be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More!!!
A delightfully evil gift, How to Be a Villain is a step-by-step guide to joining the forces of darkness. Because, though villains may never win, they sure have more fun, hatching master plans for world domination, smoothing their dastardly tights. Neil Zawacki answers all the most urgent Should I go with a black or red theme? Do I invest in an army of winged monkeys or ninja warriors? And just where will I put the evil hideout? Whether readers choose to pursue a career as a Criminal Mastermind, Mad Scientist, Corporate Bastard, or just a Wanna-be Evil Genius, they are sure to find plenty of tips for jumpstarting any evil enterprise. Cheaper than attending the annual bad guy conference and way more fun than being good, How to Be a Villain is guaranteed to elicit deep-throated evil laughs across the land.
160 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2003
26 people are currently reading
801 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 127 reviews
December 7, 2024
I loved this book! It was so funny, interactive and just a blast to read through. It covers everything from how to pick your evil name, to secret hideout locations, and ways to hash out your plans to destroy and dominate the world!! Like it even tells you the best times to break out an evil laugh! What?! And this book also gave me the initial idea for the name of my Preternatural trilogy antagonist, Blackheart. So whether it’s reading for pure enjoyment, to have a laugh, or help you figure out ideas for your writing, this is a great find!
September 8, 2024
Both an excellent how-to book, as well as a reference I’ll be checking back into periodically as the need arises. Developing one’s evil master-mindedness isn’t as easy as it appears to be when one is gazing into the squinty, asymmetrical eyes of a Bezos or the greasy, gaping pores of the Trump. There are techniques, and considerations, and this sturdy manual is there to help.
If, for instance, you decide to use ideological manipulation to attain world domination, make sure to promise "...outlandish benefits to believers. However, be careful to make this payoff contingent upon some far-off event, ideally something either extremely unlikely or impossible to verify….assure believers that they will enjoy untold tax-free riches, immortality, or eternal happiness after the revolution and their painful deaths. To make your ideology extra compelling, devise a horrible punishment for nonbelievers.”
Sounds surprisingly familiar.
Other options for world domination include economic manipulation, perhaps the creation of monopolies: “Hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk are also a good idea.”
In the section helping us Evil-doers put together our look: Should we don a robotic exoskeleton? Or perhaps become a dominatrix? Battle armor? Business suit? One option is never revealing your face. This one appealed to me because then I could claim the evil deeds wrought by others as my own, to further my own reputation.
"People fear what they do not know, and though you may not actually even exist, you will be very fearsome indeed.”
Recommended for those considering career alternatives.
If, for instance, you decide to use ideological manipulation to attain world domination, make sure to promise "...outlandish benefits to believers. However, be careful to make this payoff contingent upon some far-off event, ideally something either extremely unlikely or impossible to verify….assure believers that they will enjoy untold tax-free riches, immortality, or eternal happiness after the revolution and their painful deaths. To make your ideology extra compelling, devise a horrible punishment for nonbelievers.”
Sounds surprisingly familiar.
Other options for world domination include economic manipulation, perhaps the creation of monopolies: “Hotels on Park Place and Boardwalk are also a good idea.”
In the section helping us Evil-doers put together our look: Should we don a robotic exoskeleton? Or perhaps become a dominatrix? Battle armor? Business suit? One option is never revealing your face. This one appealed to me because then I could claim the evil deeds wrought by others as my own, to further my own reputation.
"People fear what they do not know, and though you may not actually even exist, you will be very fearsome indeed.”
Recommended for those considering career alternatives.
August 13, 2014
A fun, humorous instruction book on how to be a villain. Loaded with villain cliches that will have you on the floor laughing. If you are interested in exploring your inner villain, then this book is for you. Makes a good bathroom read. :)
July 14, 2024
funny but i skimmed at parts
fun gift though for sure
I got it for $5 outside the Strand!
It helps you develop your evil persona and plan. Really, it's quite comprehensive.
Evil Plan:
To begin, you must first blackmail a wizard's apprentice. This will cause the world to swallow nervously, bewildered by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from?
Next, you must seize control of Atlantis. This will be done from your secret base, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will tremble, as countless hordes of supernatural forces
Finally, you must covertly move your spies and activate your creepy sentient toys, bringing about something really, really bad. Your name shall become synonymous with madness, and no man will ever again dare take your lunch money. Everyone will bow before your mystical abilities, and the world will have no choice but to name you Evil Villain of the Year.
Characteristics of my villain
name: countess death blight
logo: a black tiara
motive: evil, it's in my nature
evil laugh: hehehe AHAHAHSH
profession: avatar for a dark supernatural creature i captured
slogan = cry about it
jingle = my aim is to cause! you! pain! (tune= high high low low high high high)
objective: widespread misery
method: releasing the Mediocre Old Ones (semi powerful supernatural forces) to cause medium destruction but in a funny nuisance way
fav death trap: hall of mirrors
lair: amusement park
henchmen: multiple groups of specialized spies who were friends in high school.
evil hardware: a book of evil sorcery and toys of terror
outfit: masked villain- key part: the makeup beneath looks just like the mask. never reveal your identity. alternatively, make yourself look just like your nemesis.
posture: nothing needs to be changed there
fun gift though for sure
I got it for $5 outside the Strand!
It helps you develop your evil persona and plan. Really, it's quite comprehensive.
Evil Plan:
To begin, you must first blackmail a wizard's apprentice. This will cause the world to swallow nervously, bewildered by your arrival. Who is this Unholy Menace? Where did they come from?
Next, you must seize control of Atlantis. This will be done from your secret base, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will tremble, as countless hordes of supernatural forces
Finally, you must covertly move your spies and activate your creepy sentient toys, bringing about something really, really bad. Your name shall become synonymous with madness, and no man will ever again dare take your lunch money. Everyone will bow before your mystical abilities, and the world will have no choice but to name you Evil Villain of the Year.
Characteristics of my villain
name: countess death blight
logo: a black tiara
motive: evil, it's in my nature
evil laugh: hehehe AHAHAHSH
profession: avatar for a dark supernatural creature i captured
slogan = cry about it
jingle = my aim is to cause! you! pain! (tune= high high low low high high high)
objective: widespread misery
method: releasing the Mediocre Old Ones (semi powerful supernatural forces) to cause medium destruction but in a funny nuisance way
fav death trap: hall of mirrors
lair: amusement park
henchmen: multiple groups of specialized spies who were friends in high school.
evil hardware: a book of evil sorcery and toys of terror
outfit: masked villain- key part: the makeup beneath looks just like the mask. never reveal your identity. alternatively, make yourself look just like your nemesis.
posture: nothing needs to be changed there
April 16, 2012
**4.5 stars**
This book was hilarious. I laughed out loud in almost every page – especially because as a fiction reader, I’ve seen all of these villains (and even the ‘forces of good’) in books and they are so freaking cliche! The author has a way of putting into words the most ridiculously (funny) statements that made you realize how many eye-rolling villains we’ve seen in books or movies. One of my favorite pieces of advice:
If you should happen to snare [a defender of justice], for evil god’s sake dispatch them quickly. Even if you long to use your excruciatingly slow hourglass death device, resist the urge. Heroes typically escape this kind of situation.
If I got a dollar for every time I’ve seen/read the villain gloated about his evil plans, giving the hero time to escape/get help, I think I’d be rich at this point.
This book is a must read for authors as to what NOT to do so your villain is not clownish and two-dimensional. Regardless, it’s a great and short read for everybody who has ever read fiction and wants a good laugh.
This book was hilarious. I laughed out loud in almost every page – especially because as a fiction reader, I’ve seen all of these villains (and even the ‘forces of good’) in books and they are so freaking cliche! The author has a way of putting into words the most ridiculously (funny) statements that made you realize how many eye-rolling villains we’ve seen in books or movies. One of my favorite pieces of advice:
If you should happen to snare [a defender of justice], for evil god’s sake dispatch them quickly. Even if you long to use your excruciatingly slow hourglass death device, resist the urge. Heroes typically escape this kind of situation.
If I got a dollar for every time I’ve seen/read the villain gloated about his evil plans, giving the hero time to escape/get help, I think I’d be rich at this point.
This book is a must read for authors as to what NOT to do so your villain is not clownish and two-dimensional. Regardless, it’s a great and short read for everybody who has ever read fiction and wants a good laugh.
March 4, 2025
WHAT??? This book was published in 2001… which can be.. seen.. 🤨🤨 first red flag in the book was the occupation for evil can be: ‘slave driver’ 🤨🤨🤨🤨 side eye.
I think both Elon and trump have read this book. The most remarkable quotes were: ‘You see, if the public doesn’t know that a particular war is going on, that we don’t really need oil for cars, or that the president is a brainsucking alien from dimension *X*’ Sound familiar??? X?
‘Asteroid from space’ a plan to get an asteroid and make it crash on earth, don’t worry, the planet is already working on that herself.
Also, the racist feeling depiction of a ‘monkey’ which looks a whole lot like a human… 🤨🤨🤨 calling it a ‘pet’, and if we were to link it to the ‘slave driving’ part… side eye.
I think both Elon and trump have read this book. The most remarkable quotes were: ‘You see, if the public doesn’t know that a particular war is going on, that we don’t really need oil for cars, or that the president is a brainsucking alien from dimension *X*’ Sound familiar??? X?
‘Asteroid from space’ a plan to get an asteroid and make it crash on earth, don’t worry, the planet is already working on that herself.
Also, the racist feeling depiction of a ‘monkey’ which looks a whole lot like a human… 🤨🤨🤨 calling it a ‘pet’, and if we were to link it to the ‘slave driving’ part… side eye.
February 18, 2016
I probably shouldn't let anyone know whether I read this book, or what I thought of it.
::disappears in a cloud of green smoke::
::disappears in a cloud of green smoke::
April 29, 2024
Here’s a little lesson in trickery
This is going down in history
If you want to be a villain number one
You have to chase a superhero on the run
I found the handy fill-in-the-blank masterplan at the end the most helpful.
This is going down in history
If you want to be a villain number one
You have to chase a superhero on the run
I found the handy fill-in-the-blank masterplan at the end the most helpful.
September 29, 2023
How to be a Villain
Author: Neil Zawacki and James Dignan
Publisher: Chronicle Books
Publishing Date: 2003
Pgs: 160
=======================================
REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Summary:
A delightfully evil gift, How to Be a Villain is a step-by-step guide to joining the forces of darkness. Because, though villains may never win, they sure have more fun, hatching master plans for world domination, smoothing their dastardly tights.
_________________________________________
Genre:
Humor
Parodies
Villains
Supervillains
Why this book:
Seriously, I’m not training to be a villain. Really. Honestly.
_________________________________________
Favorite Concept:
The dedication page: "This book is dedicated to everyone who ever thought evil was just a dream. Rejoice, would-be miscreants, your time has come."
Cover and Interior Art:
Love the Spy-v-Spy guy with his binoculars.
Just Me Being Silly:
The affirmation: Staring into a dark mirror with your ghostly visage and confidently say, "I'm bad. I'm really, really bad." ...and if Michael Jackson doesn't appear, you're on the right track...wrong track...you get what I mean
Confirmation Bias:
How to villain…c’mon.
_________________________________________
Last Page Sound:
It was okay. Really a brunch, or more appropriately, a snack book, not a full meal. Interesting. Funny...more witty than funny. Didn't overstay its welcome.
=======================================
Author: Neil Zawacki and James Dignan
Publisher: Chronicle Books
Publishing Date: 2003
Pgs: 160
=======================================
REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS
Summary:
A delightfully evil gift, How to Be a Villain is a step-by-step guide to joining the forces of darkness. Because, though villains may never win, they sure have more fun, hatching master plans for world domination, smoothing their dastardly tights.
_________________________________________
Genre:
Humor
Parodies
Villains
Supervillains
Why this book:
Seriously, I’m not training to be a villain. Really. Honestly.
_________________________________________
Favorite Concept:
The dedication page: "This book is dedicated to everyone who ever thought evil was just a dream. Rejoice, would-be miscreants, your time has come."
Cover and Interior Art:
Love the Spy-v-Spy guy with his binoculars.
Just Me Being Silly:
The affirmation: Staring into a dark mirror with your ghostly visage and confidently say, "I'm bad. I'm really, really bad." ...and if Michael Jackson doesn't appear, you're on the right track...wrong track...you get what I mean
Confirmation Bias:
How to villain…c’mon.
_________________________________________
Last Page Sound:
It was okay. Really a brunch, or more appropriately, a snack book, not a full meal. Interesting. Funny...more witty than funny. Didn't overstay its welcome.
=======================================
June 27, 2018
Received this as a gift some years ago and quite enjoyed it.
May 13, 2022
I'm not the audience for this and I read this for a challenge. Funny even though.
June 15, 2021
Here is one book that I was hoping was going to be just as interesting as the book itself would imply even though there is only so much that you really can't pick-up from Hollywood films. Instead it comes down to one of those guilty read-type books if you like a sarcastic tongue-in-cheek reference to hero-and-villain type films.
First of all the organization of the book was a bit off for me as it starts off into getting yourself prepped up for your villain role before the third chapter goes into the role of the heroes. Honestly I would have either started off with the hero portion as a type of homework to make the potential bad guy figure out whether he or she would want to enter the force of the villains or save that chapter towards the end of the book but just before making a master plan. Otherwise it kind of sat as a splinter in the middle of the book itself.
There was lots of pop culture references for movies or television series that weren't geared at younger audiences thus much of the colorful Disney villains unfortunately didn't make it in. I would of course give this a bit of an exception, though, since there was one illustration in which the model for the naming very much did like a De Vil character.
Otherwise the writing was decent in most cases with a few spots of humor and easy-to-read although with a bit more of a mature audience focus. Unfortunately at the same time even for a book with over one hundred pages there were many pages that were just devoted to illustrated purposes so it isn't really as long as you think when viewing at it for that purpose.
The illustrations were basically simplistic, again with a bit of the pop reference culture and definitely no color theme. As such they were mostly there just to take up room and add pages to a rather short book to begin with.
All in all it was rather decent but I feel that anyone could have written this particular book and that the information to become a good villain is right there in your face to curry if you took the time to study for that particular art.
First of all the organization of the book was a bit off for me as it starts off into getting yourself prepped up for your villain role before the third chapter goes into the role of the heroes. Honestly I would have either started off with the hero portion as a type of homework to make the potential bad guy figure out whether he or she would want to enter the force of the villains or save that chapter towards the end of the book but just before making a master plan. Otherwise it kind of sat as a splinter in the middle of the book itself.
There was lots of pop culture references for movies or television series that weren't geared at younger audiences thus much of the colorful Disney villains unfortunately didn't make it in. I would of course give this a bit of an exception, though, since there was one illustration in which the model for the naming very much did like a De Vil character.
Otherwise the writing was decent in most cases with a few spots of humor and easy-to-read although with a bit more of a mature audience focus. Unfortunately at the same time even for a book with over one hundred pages there were many pages that were just devoted to illustrated purposes so it isn't really as long as you think when viewing at it for that purpose.
The illustrations were basically simplistic, again with a bit of the pop reference culture and definitely no color theme. As such they were mostly there just to take up room and add pages to a rather short book to begin with.
All in all it was rather decent but I feel that anyone could have written this particular book and that the information to become a good villain is right there in your face to curry if you took the time to study for that particular art.
Read
March 3, 2015BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Oh, erm, uh excuse me, I was just practicing my evil laugh for my new book How to be a Villain: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans, and More by Neil Zawacki. Thanks to this step by step guide, I learned how to really connect to my bad side and become the villain I so desperately wanted to be. The first and second chapters teaches us the basics about the forces of darkness -- why we should be evil, evil characterizing, the many types of evils, and how to get started as a villain. The third chapter relays how to defeat the forces of good and chapter four teaches us what evil tools we can use to do so. Finally, in chapter five, we get to form our own Evil Plans for WORLD DOMINATION BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! In all seriousness and all evil doing beside, How to be a Villain is an insanely cute and easy book to read. If I had a dime for everytime I belted out laughing, I would be a very rich man. The authors sarcastic tone of voice can almost lead us to believe that he is being one-hundred percent serious which only adds to the childish humor this book presents. Not only does this book provide hilarious commentary but it includes a plethora of graphs, charts, and tables to help aid in the daunting task of becoming evil. Overall the book, which was only 160 pages long, was definitely a quick read. I only wish Mr. Zawacki could have elaborated on everything just a few sentences more to extend the comedic genius that came from this book. I would strongly recommend this book for anyone in need of a quick laugh. I would keep it away from younger kids or people who might not find its humor or references tasteful. All in all, How to be a Villain teaches us that sometimes in life we can joke around while we work towards our goals, or maybe we need to blow up the planet to have some fun. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
August 13, 2008
For all you wanna be Evil-Doers out there, this book is a must read. Neil Zawacki ‘s How To Be A Villain helps you discover and develop your inner talent of being malicious, power-hungry, and/or insane. His book starts off with a simple test to answer what those voices inside your head have been asking, “Am I Evil?” including questions such as:
What did you want to be when you grew up?
A. Police Officer
B. Doctor
C. Ballerina
D. Supreme dark overlord of all mankind, or a lawyer
Once you have determined if you possess the qualities to be a villain, you are ready to begin your journey down the destructive path of darkness with Zawacki’s book to help guide you along the way. He covers how to determine your underlying evil motives (greed, revenge, insanity or evil by nature), the importance of evil branding (evil name, slogan, jingle, logo, etc.), developing your evil laugh, choosing your sinister lair, deciding on your method of mayhem, how to select your henchmen, thwarting the forces of good, and the right fashion for your particular bedlam. But it does not end there my disturbing friends, also included is The Evil Plan Generator. This simple fill-in the blank form will assist you in constructing your own diabolical plan to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting world.
Once you have successfully become a Villain, I highly recommend Zawacki’s second book, The Villain’s Guide to Better Living, for better evil home design, evil health, evil work, evil social life, and evil travel.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
A. Police Officer
B. Doctor
C. Ballerina
D. Supreme dark overlord of all mankind, or a lawyer
Once you have determined if you possess the qualities to be a villain, you are ready to begin your journey down the destructive path of darkness with Zawacki’s book to help guide you along the way. He covers how to determine your underlying evil motives (greed, revenge, insanity or evil by nature), the importance of evil branding (evil name, slogan, jingle, logo, etc.), developing your evil laugh, choosing your sinister lair, deciding on your method of mayhem, how to select your henchmen, thwarting the forces of good, and the right fashion for your particular bedlam. But it does not end there my disturbing friends, also included is The Evil Plan Generator. This simple fill-in the blank form will assist you in constructing your own diabolical plan to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting world.
Once you have successfully become a Villain, I highly recommend Zawacki’s second book, The Villain’s Guide to Better Living, for better evil home design, evil health, evil work, evil social life, and evil travel.
April 14, 2009
MWAH HAH HAH...erm, excuse me. I was practicing my evil laugh per page 23 of "How to Be a Villain". First, a great big THANK YOU to Pamela who turned me on to this wonderfully wicked and side-splittingly seditious book. "How to Be a Villain" is your step-by-step guide to all things villainous. Conveniently divided into five informative sections, each containing suggestions and examples to help you on your journey into the heart of darkness. From picking a villain outfit to choosing the perfectly evil minion to thwarting the forces of good...this book has it all and is sure to be a hit with budding villains everywhere. There's even a fill-in-the-blank Evil Plan form towards the end of the book to help you or your evil friend settle on a devious plot or scheme to take over the world, cause death and destruction, or amass large fortunes via corporate evilness. This book has something for everyone and if nothing else, will leave you gasping and laughing at Neil Zawacki's wacky humor.
January 16, 2013
An excellent book. Very funny, well written, and mostly for all ages. Some might say it's not entirely appropriate for young children, but that is purely because there are a number of jokes in the book that they are not likely to understand, and not because the book has content that will traumatize them.
A satirical book, poking fun at many things in politics, economics, and just society in general, How to Be a Villain is an intelligently humorous read in the superhero/supervillain genre. Despite not being a narrative, it's bound to keep readers hooked and turning the pages for more.
It is a very helpful book for anyone who writes superhero fiction, as it's bound to give them countless ideas. It even sports a good message to all who read it: to believe in one's self.
I would recommend this book to anyone who loves the superhero genre.
A satirical book, poking fun at many things in politics, economics, and just society in general, How to Be a Villain is an intelligently humorous read in the superhero/supervillain genre. Despite not being a narrative, it's bound to keep readers hooked and turning the pages for more.
It is a very helpful book for anyone who writes superhero fiction, as it's bound to give them countless ideas. It even sports a good message to all who read it: to believe in one's self.
I would recommend this book to anyone who loves the superhero genre.
October 25, 2014
A very funny little book that enabled me to perfect my evil laugh, choose an evil lair, recruit my evil army and find my perfect evil outfit:) Beware, for world domination by me is only but a few months away! This complete step-by-step guide is an absolute must-have that will delight all my fellow villains in the making! The "evil plan generator" at the end of the book proves particularly helpful and Neil Zawacki even came up with a web site to help those who want to join the forces of darkness: So You've Decided to Be Evil. Villains of the world unite!
September 20, 2016
The 160-pages aren't very full--I read this entire book in the waiting room of a doctor's office.
It's funny in spots, but I'm not sure a lot of effort was put in. It's basically a series of references to villains in other media. Also, I'm super uncomfortable how much of this book describes Donald Trump
It's funny in spots, but I'm not sure a lot of effort was put in. It's basically a series of references to villains in other media. Also, I'm super uncomfortable how much of this book describes Donald Trump
November 7, 2008
This is my favorite book. Ever. Lots of great tips on how to improve your everyday evil lifestyle. Thanks to this book, I found what kind of henchman I wanted, how to make your own props, and my preference on how to achieve world domination. Thank you, Neil Zawacki!
Read
March 19, 2015It worked. I control the world.
August 24, 2019
We take our perverse pleasures where we can get them and this insidiously wicked little tome is a classic example of just that. A deliciously sly and well-written self-help book for any and all who have ever contemplated the vocation of abject evil, How To Be A Villain is a real page-turner, with chuckles and guffaws erupting on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis. Liberally sprinkled with kitschy retro illustrations by James Dignan and a clever use of sidebars on everything from "the best times to use an evil laugh" to tips on "how to make your own unholy relics," this hardbound pocket-sized digest is a literal treasure trove of villainous delights.
Dedicated to "anyone who ever thought evil was just a dream," How To Be A Villain hits the ground running and never missteps throughout its 159 easily-devoured pages. Chapter One offers step-by-step lessons on the creation of an evil personae, including such essentials as creating an evil name and the cultivation and use of an evil laugh. Chapter Two is your basic breakdown of career choices for the up-and-coming villain, detailing the essential ingredients for such challenging roles as Criminal Mastermind, Mad Scientist, Horror Movie Villain and Marketing Executive, among others. It then goes on to instruct the acolyte of destruction on how to realize his or her sinister potential, through common objectives and goals, such as World Domination, Global Destruction and Widespread Misery.
Those essentials out of the way, Chapter Three covers the recognition of, and offers tips for dealing with, the villain's most despised obstacle, the "do-gooder." Special attention is paid to "hero types" and their weaknesses. Chapter Four tackles the necessary tools of the villainous trade, from the choice of the perfect lair to the recruitment of henchmen and the literal tools no villain worth his or her black heart should be without. Chapter Five is devoted to the most useful offering for the aspiring miscreant, the "Evil Plan Generator," a worksheet broken into stages which, when completed, will outline a nefarious scheme uniquely suited to the tastes and desires of said villain.
Presented in a matter-of-fact style, reminiscent of Miss Manners or Helen Gurley Brown, How To Be A Villain is sometimes so tongue-in-cheek one wonders how the writer kept from choking on his own self-induced hysteria. What it all boils down to is this: Neil Zawacki is Stuart Smalley for the criminally inclined, a bad ass talent with a razor sharp wit and the knowledge to make any aficionado of the villainous arts stand up and salute. His inspired literary creation is a must-read for any even remotely interested in fiendish treachery, whether it's total world domination you crave, or simply a wicked belly laugh at the expense of bad guys everywhere.
Dedicated to "anyone who ever thought evil was just a dream," How To Be A Villain hits the ground running and never missteps throughout its 159 easily-devoured pages. Chapter One offers step-by-step lessons on the creation of an evil personae, including such essentials as creating an evil name and the cultivation and use of an evil laugh. Chapter Two is your basic breakdown of career choices for the up-and-coming villain, detailing the essential ingredients for such challenging roles as Criminal Mastermind, Mad Scientist, Horror Movie Villain and Marketing Executive, among others. It then goes on to instruct the acolyte of destruction on how to realize his or her sinister potential, through common objectives and goals, such as World Domination, Global Destruction and Widespread Misery.
Those essentials out of the way, Chapter Three covers the recognition of, and offers tips for dealing with, the villain's most despised obstacle, the "do-gooder." Special attention is paid to "hero types" and their weaknesses. Chapter Four tackles the necessary tools of the villainous trade, from the choice of the perfect lair to the recruitment of henchmen and the literal tools no villain worth his or her black heart should be without. Chapter Five is devoted to the most useful offering for the aspiring miscreant, the "Evil Plan Generator," a worksheet broken into stages which, when completed, will outline a nefarious scheme uniquely suited to the tastes and desires of said villain.
Presented in a matter-of-fact style, reminiscent of Miss Manners or Helen Gurley Brown, How To Be A Villain is sometimes so tongue-in-cheek one wonders how the writer kept from choking on his own self-induced hysteria. What it all boils down to is this: Neil Zawacki is Stuart Smalley for the criminally inclined, a bad ass talent with a razor sharp wit and the knowledge to make any aficionado of the villainous arts stand up and salute. His inspired literary creation is a must-read for any even remotely interested in fiendish treachery, whether it's total world domination you crave, or simply a wicked belly laugh at the expense of bad guys everywhere.
April 21, 2022
I was debating on whether I would write this review, because I’m afraid I’d start a clone war. But I did. I’m a few pages in, and I have quite the spiff already! I even have my own slogan, which is just a carbon copy of the song Bombshell by Powerman 5000. This book, while awesome, I give it a 3 star because I had to take a 20 minute drive to pick it up and read the whole thing. I have chosen a spiffy name, Black Fur
My story is based off of the matrix. I was looking for a little spice to my boring surburban life and I took villain quizzes to get inspired. Every single one of them I got the same result: Agent Smith. So you may be asking, “Black Fur, are you gonna install a tracking bug in my stomach” the answer is sadly no. But I have something way worse planned
Call me odd, but I knew about the matrix sequels before the original movie. In the sequels, Smith is freed and can finally pursue his dream: To kill em all! How does he do this. Well you know, stabs his hand into someone’s chest (I prefer the arms or face, black goo covers them, bam! That poor victim is now Smith!
Here’s what I’ve chosen for my dastardly plan
I am of course Black fur. It’s written on the back of my cape, I’ve taught my army of evil hamster servants to mutter the words “Black fur” for all humans to hear (they’re learning human words), and my logo is a howling wolf. Yeah, shoulda gone for a rabid hamster
My story is based off of the matrix. I was looking for a little spice to my boring surburban life and I took villain quizzes to get inspired. Every single one of them I got the same result: Agent Smith. So you may be asking, “Black Fur, are you gonna install a tracking bug in my stomach” the answer is sadly no. But I have something way worse planned
Call me odd, but I knew about the matrix sequels before the original movie. In the sequels, Smith is freed and can finally pursue his dream: To kill em all! How does he do this. Well you know, stabs his hand into someone’s chest (I prefer the arms or face, black goo covers them, bam! That poor victim is now Smith!
Here’s what I’ve chosen for my dastardly plan
I am of course Black fur. It’s written on the back of my cape, I’ve taught my army of evil hamster servants to mutter the words “Black fur” for all humans to hear (they’re learning human words), and my logo is a howling wolf. Yeah, shoulda gone for a rabid hamster
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October 23, 2025A delightfully evil gift, How to Be a Villain is a step-by-step guide to joining the forces of darkness. Because, though villains may never win, they sure have more fun, hatching master plans for world domination, smoothing their dastardly tights. Neil Zawacki answers all the most urgent questions: Should I go with a black or red theme? Do I invest in an army of winged monkeys or ninja warriors? And just where will I put the evil hideout? Whether readers choose to pursue a career as a Criminal Mastermind, Mad Scientist, Corporate Bastard, or just a Wanna-be Evil Genius, they are sure to find plenty of tips for jumpstarting any evil enterprise. Cheaper than attending the annual bad guy conference and way more fun than being good, How to Be a Villain is guaranteed to elicit deep-throated evil laughs across the land.
May 2, 2018
I'm not sure who this book is for unless 13 year olds are a lot more attuned to story cliches than I was at that age. On the good side this book is humorous without being juvenile. On the bad side it lacks any kind of story and so is just a series of observations about villain stereotypes. Bottom line: it was fun enough that I don't regret reading it but I won't be rereading it or picking up the sequel.
January 25, 2023
You want to be a villain, get somebody to buy this book. No, it is not that awful. The concept here is won't it be funny to think about teaching someone to be a cartoon villain? The book provides examples explaining why that would be funny. Once you catch on to the concept (and that might happen on the title page,) you can probably stop reading.
July 11, 2017
I actually first read this once upon a time but picked it up again because I was writing a cartoonishly villainous character and needed some inspiration! The sense of humor in this is great, and the retro-style illustrations alone are worthy enough to check this book out.
didn-t-finish
October 15, 2020A great idea for a book, lovingly put together, and well-written. I think the issue is that I added to to my to-read list years ago, and I'm just not interested in the topic anymore. So, I think I'm going to quit at 28%.
January 11, 2024
Enjoyable book, very clearly for a younger audience but I bought this book off Amazon when I was blackout drunk. If I finish my current reading list I might try reading more books from this author for fun.
July 8, 2017
The book purpose was really lost on me. I didn't understand if it made fun of media or if it was all sadistic.
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