A Promise Is A Promise: An Almost Unbelievable Story of a Mother's Unconditional Love

by Wayne W. Dyer, Marcelene Dyer (Contributor)

Edwarda O'Bara is a woman who has been in a diabetic coma for 26 years. Defying all medical advice, her mother Kaye made a commitment to keep Edwarda alive and has been caring for her daughter around the clock for over a century. Now in her 70s, she has fed her daughter every two hours and given her insulin every four hours, without ever missing an injection. Wayne Dyer has made a commitment to help Edwarda, and as he shows, the strength, power, and tenacity of Kaye O'Bara's love has attracted numerous miracles over the years.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir

93 pages, Paperback

Published August 1, 1996

About the author

Wayne Walter Dyer was an American self-help author and a motivational speaker. Dyer earned a Bachelor’s degree in History and Philosophy, a Master’s degree in Psychology and an Ed.D. in Guidance and Counseling at Wayne State University in 1970. Early in his career, he worked as a high school guidance counselor, and went on to run a successful private therapy practice. He became a popular professor of counselor education at St. John's University, where he was approached by a literary agent to put his ideas into book form. The result was his first book, Your Erroneous Zones (1976), one of the best-selling books of all time, with an estimated 100 million copies sold. This launched Dyer's career as a motivational speaker and self-help author, during which he published 20 more best-selling books and produced a number of popular specials for PBS. Influenced by thinkers such as Abraham H. Maslow and Albert Ellis, Dyer's early work focused on psychological themes such as motivation, self actualization and assertiveness. By the 1990s, the focus of his work had shifted to spirituality. Inspired by Swami Muktananda and New Thought, he promoted themes such as the "power of intention," collaborated with alternative medicine advocate Deepak Chopra on a number of projects, and was a frequent guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show.

Reviews

[Mohy_p · Rating 2 out of 5]

نمیدونم ب طرز عجیبی برام غیرقابل باور بود
من به معجزه اعتقاد دارم
اما خب برام باورپذیر نبود

[Lisa]

Very hard to rate and talk about.
On one hand, the story is truly remarkable about a mother who put her life on hold to care for her daughter who was comatose for over 40 years. It is the kind of selfless care that we all imagine our mother's giving us.
But, and maybe this is where I do not know Dr Dyer and his beliefs, I felt like he was using this story to peddle his own beliefs, even though he donated the sales proceeds to her family. I wish I knew more about his beliefs to better understand where he is coming from with this book.

Honestly, I felt like this was less about Edwarda and her mother and more about the author's teaching moments based on her life, one that I feel like may be a stretch for any person of faith. I cannot believe God would call anyone to fall on the proverbial altar and sacrifice their lives to the care of another and to the detriment of relationships with others. And to make those of us who do not sacrifice everything seem less "holy".

This is honestly one I need to just sit and mull over and find someone that I can have true open and honest conversation about. And not to make judgements, but to fully extract meaning from.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is indeed an unbelievable story about love but for me it was lacking so much. Dr. Dyer mentions several times in the book that there was so much more to tell: "This is a brief synoposis of Kaye O'Bara's way of life. I could have written hundreds of pages on this remarkable woman and all that she had accomplished in her lifetime. I have chosen to keep it short and describe the basics of this saintly woman." I can't help but wonder why he didn't write more. I would really have liked to hear more about her and the miracles that took place for them. After reading this short book, I see mostly just the sadness of it all. And I can't help but wonder if the authors' (both Wayne and Marcelene) remained friends with this family. And what happened to them all? I felt like so much was missing from the story.

[gemmedazure · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was not sure if I really wanted to read this book, but curiosity got the better of me. I typically find Wayne Dyer too new-agey and sentimental, and this book was written in much the same way.
I was familiar with the Edwarda O'Bara story before. In brief, she was a diabetic sixteen year old girl from Florida who fell ill with pneumonia in 1970. Due to the illness, she went into a diabetic coma as the oral insulin wasn't reaching her bloodstream. Before Edwarda lost consciousness, she made her mother promise not to leave her, and her mother, Kaye, did just that..literally.
Edwarda emerged from the coma in a vegetative state, and Kaye cared for her at home...for 42 years. Kaye never was able to sleep more than a couple hours as she was up around the clock to help Edwarda with no nursing support. Kaye had to quit her job as a teacher, and her husband (also a teacher) was working insane hours trying to provide for them and Edwarda's medical needs. (She didn't qualify for home care for some reason, as professionals wanted her in a personal care home.). Her sister, Colleen, also had to give up her horseback riding, pretty clothes, and any extras as all the money was going to Edwarda's care and they were stretched thin.
The husband, Joseph, died of a heart attack likely brought on by stress. Kaye was left to survive on a tiny pension. Debt piled up astronomically and there were many times they didn't know if they could pay the mortgage on their small house. She had to solicit donations as things were so bad. Colleen turned to drugs and alcohol, became a single mother who couldn't look after her child for a while due to her addictions, and did time in jail.
All through this, Kaye never gives up hope that Edwarda is going to one day wake up. She never loses heart and is vehement that she can't leave Edwarda, as she had made a promise. The family is also devoutly Catholic and Kaye claims to have been visited by the Virgin Mary, who told her Edwarda is a "victim soul"( an odd, unofficial, folk Catholic belief that individuals can take on sins of other people to have them forgiven, or take on their illnesses to be cured. A similar example is Audrey Santo of Worcester, MA.) and very special.
Kaye insists that Edwarda isn't in a vegetative state and perfectly understands everything.
In short? I find it sad.
I feel deeply sorry for the family. I'm a mother, and I can't imagine facing this kind of trauma affecting my child. It affects people in different ways, and we never know how we will react until it happens to us.
It's admirable that Edwarda was so immaculately cared for and loved. Kaye sounded like an amazing person.
But at heart?
It was just plain sad. And I think, wrong.
While a parent would want to believe their child would be cured, after so much time has passed and the person is clearly in a non-responsive, non-reactive state with no hope of recovery, you have to embrace that and ask yourself what that person would have wanted, and if living like that is any kind of life at all. My mother had a massive stroke a few years ago. I had to make the heartbreaking decision for her to be palliative, as they said even with life support, she'd likely die soon, and if she didn't, she'd hang on for a short while in a total comatose state. I was dearly close to my mom and didn't want to lose her, but I had to think of her and not myself, and ask myself how she'd want to live.
I'm not saying I'm any better than the O'Bara's. I'm just saying I know what it's like to stare death in the face with someone you love, and have to make difficult decisions.
I think Kaye was living in a delusional state where she misinterpreted autonomic responses as purposeful. That's very common, especially if you want the person to respond so badly. She was also extremely sleep-deprived and only left the house once in all those years. A person would get a warped sense of reality after a while.
So , Edwarda was alive. But at what cost? The husband (arguably) died young of stress. The sister was stripped of all of her comforts and activities she loved, and turned to drugs and alcohol. Kaye lived a life of grueling servitude. They had mountains of debt and were desperately poor. Was keeping someone barely alive worth it for all of that?
I don't think so.
I also don't think Edwarda meant for her mother to live this way for 42 years when she asked her not to leave her. I doubt anyone would think that.
I have a very hard time seeing this as a miracle or as a blessing. I think Dyer got caught up in the saccharine ideal of the suffering mother and sleeping beauty. They always talk about the spiritual aura in the home. Kaye was spiritual, so I think that had nothing to do with Edwarda and the house would have been like that anyway.
Kaye passed away, and Colleen was left to care for her sister. Also living in debt and completely giving up her own life.
I don't think it's a noble or inspiring story. I think it's desperately sad. Several lives, including Edwarda's, were irrevocably and undeniably lead to total ruin. It doesn't matter that Kaye kept a positive attitude, which indeed is remarkable and speaks to her strong character. She still lived a very narrow, lonely, stress-ridden life. and Edwarda ? She was basically a body being kept alive. (not on life support, but tube fed.)
I realize they were Catholic, but if you look at the famous case of Karen Quinlan as an example, Catholics do not teach that someone should be kept alive at all costs. They also don't teach about "victim souls". I can't think of any God that would ask someone to keep someone alive in a vegetative state while your entire family suffers. That would make God a monster.
I'm very tired of "miracle" stories that talk about survival at all costs. Survival, yes, but what about quality of life?
Not to mention..Edwarda had "birthday parties" every year where tons of strangers came , and strangers and celebrities were regularly brought in to "meet her". This to me is a total privacy violation and seems too much like a carnival atmosphere. Would Edwarda really have wanted strangers passing by her bed when she's in a helpless state?
This book will at least make you ask these important questions. As it was shown in the Terri Schiavo case, people get very heated about them. But I think Dyer could have done us all a favour and written us a more objective book absent of glurge. The trope of the suffering ideal mother has damaged women for centuries, we don't need to perpetuate it.
I sincerely hope Colleen and her son are doing well and they have had some healing.

[Judith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Visions teach you unbelievable things

[Abolfazl Fattahi · Rating 4 out of 5]

نمی دونم چرا این کتاب رو خریدم، درسته «قول، قول است» عنوان کتابی هست که وین دایر نوشته و محمد رضا آل یاسین اون رو ترجمه کرده و انتشارات هامون هم چاپ اش کرده ولی انصافا پر از غلط املایی بود، بگذریم، شاید به خاطر فیلم فارست گامپ خریدمش، هیچ وقت اون صحنه از فیلم رو فراموش نمی کنم که دوستش بهش گفت، بابا مرده و تو خودت این کار و به تنهایی راه انداختی، چرا باید سهمی به بابا بدی! گفت قول، قول هست، این فیلم بی نظیر هست، من خودم بیش از دوازده بار دیدمش، توصیه می کنم ندیدید حتما ببینید و اگر دیدید دوباره ببینید، شاید هم به خاطر وین دایر این کتاب رو خریدم چون از کتاب های دیگه ای که ازش خونده بودم راضی بودم، من همیشه چند صفحه از کتاب رو موقع خرید می خونم ولی این بار حتی لای کتاب رو هم باز نکردم و خریدمش، ولی خیلی راضی هستم از خریدش.

داستان کتاب درباره دختری شانزده ساله به اسم ادواردا اوبارا بود، دختر نوجوانی که در سال ۱۹۷۰ به خاطر بیماری دیابت به اغما فرو رفت و آخرین گفت و شنودش با مادرش چنین بود:

مامی، قول بده هرگز مرا ترک نکنی

و مادرش پاسخ داد:

عزیزم مطمئن باش تو را ترک نمی کنم، قول می دهم و قول، قول است

مادرش بیش از ۳۵ سال پای قولش موند و با عشق و فداکاری از دخترش مراقبت کرد و هیچ وقت تنهاش نگذاشت و در طول شبانه روز هر دو ساعت به او غذا می داد، تا اینکه در سن ۸۰ سالگی در سال ۲۰۰۸ فوت می کنه، در طی تمام این سال ها همیشه امیدوار بود دخترش از کما بیرون میاد، ادواردا هم ۵ سال بعد از فوت مادرش در سال ۲۰۱۲ در سن ۵۹ سالگی فوت می کنه، بعد از خوندن کتاب که رفتم ببینم مادر و دختر در چه وضعیتی هستن خیلی حالم گرفته شد، دوست داشتم هر دو هنوز زنده بودن، چقدر این آدم ها توی این دنیا کم هستن، دوست داشتن و عشق واقعی یعنی همین ها، راستش من همیشه برای دوست داشتن ارزش ویژه ای تو زندگیم قائل بودم، حس می کردم دوست داشتن و محبت داشتن ارزش زیادی داره و هر کسی ارزش دوست داشتن ما رو نداره، آدم باید محبت اش رو پای آدم هایی بریزه که این طوری دوستش داشته باشن، وقتی این کتاب رو می خوندم خوشبختانه پیش مادرم بودم و تصمیم دارم خیلی بیشتر هم بمونم، گرفتمش بغل و مدام بهش می گفتم خیلی دوستت دارم، یاد روزهایی افتادم که توی بیمارستان از کنار تختم تکون نمی خورد و به زور باید می بردنش استراحت، ارزش محبت و دوست داشتن هاتون رو بدونید و پای آدم هایی بریزید که ارزشش رو دارن، توصیه می کنم این کتاب رو حتما بخونید، خیلی دوست دارم درباره این کتاب بیشتر بنویسم ولی شاید برای معرفی این کتاب همین قدر کافی باشه و در مطالب دیگه ای از این داستان نقل کنم.

[David Geschke · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve read most of Wayne Dyer’s books over the years. This one isn’t one of his best at all. I had it on my shelf for years, then decided to read it after meeting someone who had two severely disabled children that will need lifelong care. It did help me look at that situation a bit differently - from “why would this happen to her” to “who’s heart would be big enough to be entrusted to care for these beautiful souls?”… but certainly not his best work. I did finish it though - always give at least three stars for that.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful story

I have been following Dr. Wayne Dyer for years, I find this story so compelling and so heartfelt. What a blessing to be able to read this book, I will always remember the unconditional love that has been portrayed. Thank you again for another wonderful book.

[sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a beautiful inspiring story

I couldn’t put the book down because I wanted to know what happened next. What an amazing woman who loved her daughter and kept her promise to her. It’s a story of hope, compassion and unconditional love.

[Jessi Payne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful story. Touching and deep. Would love Marcelene Dyer to Write her own series of books. I love her writing style.

[Lisa Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good book. Read it all as soon as it got delivered.

[Jess Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting story

This is an interesting story. Here we hear the story of a mothers s Love for her daughter and those that help her.

[Leanna Manuel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very tough book to review. The story is remarkable and compelling. It would be impossible to read it and remain unmoved. It is by Wayne Dyer. It doesn’t get much better than that. The book does feel a bit repetitive because you get both Dr. Dyer’s viewpoint as well as his wife Marcelene’s. I often found myself wondering what I would do in each of the incidents that were described. I doubt I would have responded with similar grace and dignity.

The subtitle for this book is An Almost Unbelievable Story of a Mother’s Unconditional Love and What It Can Teach Us. This gets a whole-hearted YES. That is exactly what this book offers, instruction about unconditional love.

This is a small book, one that can be read in one sitting. It is also a book that one could easily re-read and gain more inspiration and strength. Each page contains an important message about living in love and grace. Comments about book layout, writing style, or any other technical aspect of the book seem irrelevant. I highly recommend this book.

[Wendy]

I haven't finished this book. This originally belonged to my sister but haven't been able to read it since her death, partly because of the subject matter and partly the memories. I may go back to it one day when things aren't so recent.

[Hadrian J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Learnt about this book with the recent death of the main protagonist. However the book is more about her mother and the sheer sacrifice she made for even more years since the publication of the book up till her demise. It is so refreshing to remember that such people still exist in this world.

[Brenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book. The whole story is about a mother caring for her daughter. A mother's love that is rare. It was good till they started talking about (bleep) in Chapter three. I don't believe in that so I skipped to the end.
It was nice to see a mom love her child so much. And that's it.

[Rosanne]

I began reading this book just before (maybe that day)the tradgity with Joselyn so it has been hard to go back to since it is based on a girl in a comma, although it is in my plans to finish.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so awesome. I cried and cried. This is unconditional love. What strength Mother and daughter have. I truly recommend this book for everyone.

[Jennifer England · Rating 5 out of 5]

When you think your life is full and you don't think you can handle it.....read this. So glad to have found this book....have to thank Dr. Wayne Dyer once again.

[Anne Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very uplifting and was truly about unconditional love. We all should try to bring more love into our lives and try to be more loving to others.