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Ferocious Romance: What My Encounters with the Right Taught Me About Sex, God, and Fury
Intrepid Village Voice reporter Donna Minkowitz thought she knew what she was getting into when she set out to go undercover among the religious right. She was going to observe "the enemy" close up, on its own turf. But Minkowitz, a feminist, lesbian, and "sex radical" who has won awards for her coverage of gay issues, found something else entirely-- a guide to some of the stormiest contradictions within her own soul. Sex and love, good and evil, rapture and safety-- the religious right, it turns out, is as obsessed with these matters as Minkowitz is, as many of us are. During her adventures with the Christian right, Minkowitz finds all-women Pentecostal services that are as sexually supercharged as her own experiences having group sex with strangers in a lesbian backroom bar. The Promise Keepers, trying to be good in an age when "good" men are branded as sissies, alternately move Minkowitz to tears and provoke her mirth when she disguises herself as a teenage boy to join one of their all-male gatherings.
With hilarious, sympathetic writing, Minkowitz explores the things she and the Christian right have in common-- from their intense sense of "victimhood" to their desire to be loved at all costs. If the Christian right wants a God willing to die for them, Minkowitz wants a lover willing to suffer pain. "Because I have fallen in love with a masochist", she writes, "I think I have entered the Garden of Eden."
On this rollicking trip to hell and back, Minkowitz reexamines staples of gay life she once revered-- like Sex Panic , a group that wants to applaud all that is "evil" and "transgressive" in sex. She wonders why she ever embraced the idealist assumption that gays are inherently freer, sexier, and "better" than straights.
And the more she visits the Christian right, the more she discovers that neither she nor they have been getting what they're looking for. Whether "getting slain in the spirit" with adherents of the Toronto Blessing, which Minkowitz calls the "punk-rock version of evangelism", or being given a female makeover by Total Woman Ministries, or engaging in mutual confessions with executives from Focus on the Family, Minkowitz comes to understand that both she and they have been using sex and God, not being saved by them.
In the end, Minkowitz discovers a very different kind of ecstasy. It is not the ecstasy of overcoming the Other; it is not the frenzied search for safety. It is an embrace of all the dangers and beauties that our deepest selves can offer. Here is a tour of the extremes of body and soul in America that may exhilarate and shock while it enlightens, but will remain indelibly stamped in the memory long after the last page is turned.
With hilarious, sympathetic writing, Minkowitz explores the things she and the Christian right have in common-- from their intense sense of "victimhood" to their desire to be loved at all costs. If the Christian right wants a God willing to die for them, Minkowitz wants a lover willing to suffer pain. "Because I have fallen in love with a masochist", she writes, "I think I have entered the Garden of Eden."
On this rollicking trip to hell and back, Minkowitz reexamines staples of gay life she once revered-- like Sex Panic , a group that wants to applaud all that is "evil" and "transgressive" in sex. She wonders why she ever embraced the idealist assumption that gays are inherently freer, sexier, and "better" than straights.
And the more she visits the Christian right, the more she discovers that neither she nor they have been getting what they're looking for. Whether "getting slain in the spirit" with adherents of the Toronto Blessing, which Minkowitz calls the "punk-rock version of evangelism", or being given a female makeover by Total Woman Ministries, or engaging in mutual confessions with executives from Focus on the Family, Minkowitz comes to understand that both she and they have been using sex and God, not being saved by them.
In the end, Minkowitz discovers a very different kind of ecstasy. It is not the ecstasy of overcoming the Other; it is not the frenzied search for safety. It is an embrace of all the dangers and beauties that our deepest selves can offer. Here is a tour of the extremes of body and soul in America that may exhilarate and shock while it enlightens, but will remain indelibly stamped in the memory long after the last page is turned.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published November 6, 1998
4 people are currently reading
105 people want to read
About the author
Donna Minkowitz
4 books9 followersDonna Minkowitz is the author of two memoirs, Growing Up Golem and Ferocious Romance. Both of them were finalists for the Lambda Literary Award (and Ferocious Romance won it). Both have VERY long subtitles. Both are funny, intimate, and kind of dark.
Way back in the day, Donna Minkowitz was a feature writer and columnist on queer politics and culture for the Village Voice. Science-fiction writer Terry Bisson said of Golem, which has some magical realist elements, "Rich and wild, dark and funny, as fearless as her legendary journalism and as scary as a fairy tale. A serious writer at the top of her game."
Other places you can find her work are the New York Times Book Review, Salon, The Nation and New York magazine.
Way back in the day, Donna Minkowitz was a feature writer and columnist on queer politics and culture for the Village Voice. Science-fiction writer Terry Bisson said of Golem, which has some magical realist elements, "Rich and wild, dark and funny, as fearless as her legendary journalism and as scary as a fairy tale. A serious writer at the top of her game."
Other places you can find her work are the New York Times Book Review, Salon, The Nation and New York magazine.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
January 21, 2021
This book came across my desk because I was explicitly looking for books about kink. It was on a list of books on Goodreads allegedly related to kink—and because it also was about religion—I couldn’t wait to order it. These are two topics that have been close to my heart, so I was eager to learn what a Jewish, lesbian New Yorker would have to say about these two seemingly disparate realms. It’s already been over 20 years since the book was published, but what I read seemed quite relevant still, in many ways.
The book is a collection of six essays and an afterword. They are all very different and deal with various elements or aspects of the topic and how Donna encountered them in her life as an undercover reporter of sorts (she went in drag as a teenage boy to a Christian Men’s Conference) and as an outspoken, opinionated gay writer for the Village Voice in the 90s.
Her writing is superb—of course. She is highly intelligent, educated, funny, and self-deprecating and her prose is perfect. She quotes the Bible freely and accurately, she brings in all manner of Christian and other religious imagery, mythology, and history. The Western classics are well-represented, especially Greek philosophy and French vocabulary litter the page. I frequently had to look up words.
She addresses the similarities in hardcore queer rights vs. hardcore rightwing religion in America. She does find a lot of overlap, which makes up the essence of her message. These two groups are passionately similar in their quest for love, divine and otherwise.
“I don’t know why, but it feels so liberating that I don’t have to hate them at every moment and in every way.” She writes poignantly in a chapter called “Parley”—a word I learned from watching the Pirates of the Caribbean movies—after a second visit with high-ranking members of Focus on the Family, the Christian organization that promotes curing gays of their homosexuality, amongst other classic conservative Christian values. Her ability to find common ground as a human in her yearnings to be loved and love are what lie at the heart of the book but are interspersed in each scenario she describes.
In addition to her erudition on the subject matter, Minkowitz brings an enthusiasm and self-reflection that seems in part due to her simply maturing and chilling out, being less prone to judge others, but also as a natural reflection of the process of getting to know “the other.” My own experience of discovering the ‘other’ has been similar but in the other direction: from religion to kink.
When describing her forays into BDSM, which she refers only as S/M, she lets slip that she no longer is active in the lifestyle because she couldn’t find the kind of love she was looking for in it, or with it. This struck me as a slight cop out from having to explain more. Why was that? Is that something other people also experience? Wouldn’t it prove the point of the Christians who claim that these alternative sexual lifestyles are ultimately not where real love is to be found?
She avoids giving us the satisfaction of hearing what conclusions her quick wit and cutting intellect have actually drawn from her life in S/M. She also puts distance between herself and the topic by speaking in the third person when it comes to it, in contrast to her otherwise very open sharing of her personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings about the other adventures. She leaves us hanging with a philosophical question:
"The basic erotic question in S/M—can the top simultaneously release her violent impulses and control them?—is essentially a variant of well-known theological questions about free will and human ethics. Why would we all have these impulses, if they were intrinsically evil?"
I wonder about this all the time. As she says, this is the basic conundrum of the human condition, which religions and societies have attempted to answer by controlling sexuality and violence in differing ways.
The same could be said about any kind of sexual impulse, be it, homosexual, kinky, or even what is considered criminal. The hedonists I know, and people promoting anything ‘natural’ as being good, miss the point of morality and ethics. What distinguishes us from the animal kingdom, which is indeed, very ‘natural’ is our ability to contemplate these impulses and any resulting actions—before we take the action.
The book is a collection of six essays and an afterword. They are all very different and deal with various elements or aspects of the topic and how Donna encountered them in her life as an undercover reporter of sorts (she went in drag as a teenage boy to a Christian Men’s Conference) and as an outspoken, opinionated gay writer for the Village Voice in the 90s.
Her writing is superb—of course. She is highly intelligent, educated, funny, and self-deprecating and her prose is perfect. She quotes the Bible freely and accurately, she brings in all manner of Christian and other religious imagery, mythology, and history. The Western classics are well-represented, especially Greek philosophy and French vocabulary litter the page. I frequently had to look up words.
She addresses the similarities in hardcore queer rights vs. hardcore rightwing religion in America. She does find a lot of overlap, which makes up the essence of her message. These two groups are passionately similar in their quest for love, divine and otherwise.
“I don’t know why, but it feels so liberating that I don’t have to hate them at every moment and in every way.” She writes poignantly in a chapter called “Parley”—a word I learned from watching the Pirates of the Caribbean movies—after a second visit with high-ranking members of Focus on the Family, the Christian organization that promotes curing gays of their homosexuality, amongst other classic conservative Christian values. Her ability to find common ground as a human in her yearnings to be loved and love are what lie at the heart of the book but are interspersed in each scenario she describes.
In addition to her erudition on the subject matter, Minkowitz brings an enthusiasm and self-reflection that seems in part due to her simply maturing and chilling out, being less prone to judge others, but also as a natural reflection of the process of getting to know “the other.” My own experience of discovering the ‘other’ has been similar but in the other direction: from religion to kink.
When describing her forays into BDSM, which she refers only as S/M, she lets slip that she no longer is active in the lifestyle because she couldn’t find the kind of love she was looking for in it, or with it. This struck me as a slight cop out from having to explain more. Why was that? Is that something other people also experience? Wouldn’t it prove the point of the Christians who claim that these alternative sexual lifestyles are ultimately not where real love is to be found?
She avoids giving us the satisfaction of hearing what conclusions her quick wit and cutting intellect have actually drawn from her life in S/M. She also puts distance between herself and the topic by speaking in the third person when it comes to it, in contrast to her otherwise very open sharing of her personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings about the other adventures. She leaves us hanging with a philosophical question:
"The basic erotic question in S/M—can the top simultaneously release her violent impulses and control them?—is essentially a variant of well-known theological questions about free will and human ethics. Why would we all have these impulses, if they were intrinsically evil?"
I wonder about this all the time. As she says, this is the basic conundrum of the human condition, which religions and societies have attempted to answer by controlling sexuality and violence in differing ways.
The same could be said about any kind of sexual impulse, be it, homosexual, kinky, or even what is considered criminal. The hedonists I know, and people promoting anything ‘natural’ as being good, miss the point of morality and ethics. What distinguishes us from the animal kingdom, which is indeed, very ‘natural’ is our ability to contemplate these impulses and any resulting actions—before we take the action.
September 1, 2014
This book was about an extremely liberal lesbian who went undercover to a number of right-wing religious events such as a promise keepers rally (where she disguised herself as a 16-year-old boy) the Toronto Blessing, which was a famous super Pentecostal group that was so over-the-top it was even kicked out of its own denomination, a Christian ministry that did makeovers for women, and a meeting with focus on the family executives.. I found her observations very interesting, I always wondered what goes on in promise keepers rallies were no women are allowed. The First-hand account of the Toronto Blessing was good too. bUT I have no idea what the chapter on sadomasochism was doing in the book. All it did was gross me out and make me dislike the author. Plus I found it boring. I just didn't see why she went on and on about it so much. I understand she was trying to draw a correlation between extreme religion and sadomasochism, but I had a hard time understanding the points that she was trying to make with this. I understand that both these things can be cathartic and provoke strong emotions, but I think she overstates the connection, or rather, that pretty much the whole connection is only in her own somewhat warped mind. I found myself really disliking her during and after that chapter, which was kind of unfortunate. That chapter turned me off so much that I'm knocking a whole star off my rating and gave it 3 stars, because just left such a bad taste in my mouth
July 17, 2012
don't have the book on me now so can't specify, but the 4 instead of 3 stars is because there are some passages that i found surprisingly moving. it's remarkably evenhanded and patient considering the subjects, and the highly personal tone is good in the sense that it helps the reader to really engage/sympathize/what have you. i was a bit disappointed by it sometimes, though, because i do think it could have benefited from more truly journalistic neutrality in places - but that's likely a personal preference because i haven't gotten used to reading such opinionated reportage (which is what a lot of this book is based on, columns from a paper she wrote for that most likely would have gone in the style/living section or its equivalent). it's more personal essay than observed report, which is fine as long as one approaches it that way.
i don't agree with everything she wrote, partly because some of her conclusions were very broad or specific to what works/doesn't work for her, but it's still a great read and she does say some lovely things.
(side note: i borrowed this from my campus's lgbtq resources office, and it's definitely a good book to have in there. just a shame the office's library is sullied by a dan savage "it gets better" book - but at least that was donated.)
i don't agree with everything she wrote, partly because some of her conclusions were very broad or specific to what works/doesn't work for her, but it's still a great read and she does say some lovely things.
(side note: i borrowed this from my campus's lgbtq resources office, and it's definitely a good book to have in there. just a shame the office's library is sullied by a dan savage "it gets better" book - but at least that was donated.)
July 2, 2016
Minkowitz investigates the Religious Right, and in so doing draws some unexpected parallels between that culture and the diametrically opposed worlds of the S/M community, ACT-UP, Queer Nation, and Sex Panic!; she also finds herself identifying with many of the people she meets. This is a poignant journey in which Minkowitz comes face-to-face with the very people she has protested against as an activist; the experience leads her to explore her relationships to organized religion, women, feminism, sex, friendship, romance, and rage. A thoughtful and unconventional memoir. (from the Amazon blurb)
I'm not entirely sure what to make of this book. It wasn't what I was expecting (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) -- much more introspective and less expository than the usual "I went undercover and here's what I found out" report. Minkowitz's unexpected compassion, even love, for the individuals she encounters at the other end of her political spectrum makes this a gentle exploration of the world of the religious right.
I'm not entirely sure what to make of this book. It wasn't what I was expecting (which isn't necessarily a bad thing) -- much more introspective and less expository than the usual "I went undercover and here's what I found out" report. Minkowitz's unexpected compassion, even love, for the individuals she encounters at the other end of her political spectrum makes this a gentle exploration of the world of the religious right.
November 29, 2015
It's very interesting to get such a divergent point of view on extreme evangelicalism. The author is a lesbian feminist activist, who goes "undercover" to discover the world of American Christian fundamentalism, and then analyzes it against the backdrop of sexuality.
When visiting the Focus on the Family headquarters, she "resisted the compulsion ... to remove my wig and reveal the butch haircut underneath, crying..., 'Homosexuals are angelic,' and another strong temptation to fall on my knees, confess my sins, and join the happy Focus family. Infiltration, hiding, disguise, the constant danger of conversion and the inescapable desire for it are dominant metaphors for both us and them, the religious right and the gay movement. And they're the burning core of our fantasies about each other, too" (82).
When visiting the Focus on the Family headquarters, she "resisted the compulsion ... to remove my wig and reveal the butch haircut underneath, crying..., 'Homosexuals are angelic,' and another strong temptation to fall on my knees, confess my sins, and join the happy Focus family. Infiltration, hiding, disguise, the constant danger of conversion and the inescapable desire for it are dominant metaphors for both us and them, the religious right and the gay movement. And they're the burning core of our fantasies about each other, too" (82).
July 29, 2008
all but the last chapter is insightful, interesting, and complex. the last chapter is... sort of boring, doesn't really go anywhere, and awkwardly tries to tie something very messy into a neat package.
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July 3, 2008Selections - Chapter 4: Parley
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews