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The Science of Parenting
A thought-provoking introduction to the art of parenting furnishes practical parenting techniques, strategies, advice, and suggestions for every stage in a child's development, bringing together full-color photographs, real-life anecdotes, and tips to help insure a child's physical, emotional, and psychological well-being.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published May 15, 2006
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 91 reviews
September 8, 2009
As a psychology graduate I am so tired of people publishing their personal opinion on childrearing as if its fact. This book is actually research based and validates all those mothers who instinctively go to comfort and hold a child. Read this book, trust your instincts as a parent and ignore all typical 'nanny style' parenting books and well meaning health visitors who tell you to let your child 'cry it out'.
June 30, 2023
I have never in my life been more conflicted on how to rate a book. Some parts were 5 stars, and so many other parts were ZERO STARS. And the zero stars has almost nothing to do with the author’s thoughts on parenting—I agreed with many things she said. But the way she said it sometimes...??? I have SO many things to say about this book.
1. She really can’t make up her own mind. Sometimes, she talks about how it’s okay that we as parents make mistakes; parenting is hard, and we need to cut ourselves some slack! But then other times, you will burn in eternal hell-fire for making even one mistake. If you EVER leave your baby to cry in their crib for longer than 5 seconds or if you ever put your child in a time-out, they will be ruined forever, they will grow up to be depressed and anxious, and you are “quite frankly” a DESPICABLE, CRUEL parent. (She often uses the phrase “quite frankly” when she throws in these damning sentences, as if it makes the damning any better.) You might think I’m exaggerating with this, but I’m really not—she uses the word “cruel” many times throughout the book to refer to certain parenting techniques. Despite the fact that there is an entire chapter about taking care of YOU and relating how incredibly hard and taxing parenting can be, she gives parents absolutely zero wiggle room and condemns every parent to hell if they dare to commit one of her cardinal parenting sins. (Have you EVER raised your voice at your child? THEY WILL GROW UP TO BE A SERIAL KILLER AND YOU ARE, QUITE FRANKLY, CRUEL.) She clearly has a few things that she feels REALLY strongly about, and she certainly lets us know how she feels. The thing is, I often agree with what she’s saying…but man, this much guilt and shame is not the way to convince those who don’t already agree. She writes in such an opinionated, biased manner, and it’s hilarious that this form of writing is in a book that’s supposed to be science-based. This form of writing gets worse and worse as the book goes on, almost as if her editors just decided to stop substantive editing past a certain point.
2. SPEAKING OF HER EDITORS. (I will say, I have a degree in editing, which definitely influences how strongly I feel about this.) I seriously could not BELIEVE how many mistakes and typos were in this book. This book’s editing team deserves to be fired and never ever hired anywhere ever again. I found mistakes throughout, but the copy editing went SEVERELY downhill in the last third of the book, to the point where I literally (and I mean literally) don’t think it was edited. There are such incredibly blatant errors...like missing words, misspelled words, random letters where they shouldn’t be, incorrect punctuation, etc. Her editors should be HUMILIATED. (Calling you guys out: Jane Perlmutter, Shannon Beatty, Jemima Dunne, Victoria Heyworth-Dunne..........an entire team of people who completely failed at their jobs.) The substantive editing in this part of the book (and honestly throughout the whole thing, but particularly in the last third) is ABOMINABLE. It truly reads like the author sat down for a couple hours and just wrote what she was thinking and feeling, and they just printed that. Again, it is laughable that this book is meant to be based in science.
3. Some of the examples she uses from “real life situations” are so odd. I know she’s British, but even British kids do not talk like that. She clearly just came up with these anecdotes while writing and for some reason decided to say that actual children said these things. Her examples of what to say and do in certain situations are also so...awkward? Like seriously, nobody talks like that.
4. She talks about a lot of things like they’re fact, but only says “one small study” has “proven” these things to be true. This bothers me SO much because so many of these things she’s touting as fact could very easily not be.
5. Despite all of these issues I had, I also learned A LOT of good things while reading this book. I’ve made some changes to the way that I parent and I’ve used a lot of the tips I learned, and I’ve already noticed a difference in my daughter and in me. If you can read through the extremely biased literature, the ridiculous guilting and shaming, and the embarrassing editing mistakes, I’d say it’s still worth your time.
1. She really can’t make up her own mind. Sometimes, she talks about how it’s okay that we as parents make mistakes; parenting is hard, and we need to cut ourselves some slack! But then other times, you will burn in eternal hell-fire for making even one mistake. If you EVER leave your baby to cry in their crib for longer than 5 seconds or if you ever put your child in a time-out, they will be ruined forever, they will grow up to be depressed and anxious, and you are “quite frankly” a DESPICABLE, CRUEL parent. (She often uses the phrase “quite frankly” when she throws in these damning sentences, as if it makes the damning any better.) You might think I’m exaggerating with this, but I’m really not—she uses the word “cruel” many times throughout the book to refer to certain parenting techniques. Despite the fact that there is an entire chapter about taking care of YOU and relating how incredibly hard and taxing parenting can be, she gives parents absolutely zero wiggle room and condemns every parent to hell if they dare to commit one of her cardinal parenting sins. (Have you EVER raised your voice at your child? THEY WILL GROW UP TO BE A SERIAL KILLER AND YOU ARE, QUITE FRANKLY, CRUEL.) She clearly has a few things that she feels REALLY strongly about, and she certainly lets us know how she feels. The thing is, I often agree with what she’s saying…but man, this much guilt and shame is not the way to convince those who don’t already agree. She writes in such an opinionated, biased manner, and it’s hilarious that this form of writing is in a book that’s supposed to be science-based. This form of writing gets worse and worse as the book goes on, almost as if her editors just decided to stop substantive editing past a certain point.
2. SPEAKING OF HER EDITORS. (I will say, I have a degree in editing, which definitely influences how strongly I feel about this.) I seriously could not BELIEVE how many mistakes and typos were in this book. This book’s editing team deserves to be fired and never ever hired anywhere ever again. I found mistakes throughout, but the copy editing went SEVERELY downhill in the last third of the book, to the point where I literally (and I mean literally) don’t think it was edited. There are such incredibly blatant errors...like missing words, misspelled words, random letters where they shouldn’t be, incorrect punctuation, etc. Her editors should be HUMILIATED. (Calling you guys out: Jane Perlmutter, Shannon Beatty, Jemima Dunne, Victoria Heyworth-Dunne..........an entire team of people who completely failed at their jobs.) The substantive editing in this part of the book (and honestly throughout the whole thing, but particularly in the last third) is ABOMINABLE. It truly reads like the author sat down for a couple hours and just wrote what she was thinking and feeling, and they just printed that. Again, it is laughable that this book is meant to be based in science.
3. Some of the examples she uses from “real life situations” are so odd. I know she’s British, but even British kids do not talk like that. She clearly just came up with these anecdotes while writing and for some reason decided to say that actual children said these things. Her examples of what to say and do in certain situations are also so...awkward? Like seriously, nobody talks like that.
4. She talks about a lot of things like they’re fact, but only says “one small study” has “proven” these things to be true. This bothers me SO much because so many of these things she’s touting as fact could very easily not be.
5. Despite all of these issues I had, I also learned A LOT of good things while reading this book. I’ve made some changes to the way that I parent and I’ve used a lot of the tips I learned, and I’ve already noticed a difference in my daughter and in me. If you can read through the extremely biased literature, the ridiculous guilting and shaming, and the embarrassing editing mistakes, I’d say it’s still worth your time.
February 21, 2010
This book shows that the only thing worse than a parenting book based on anecdotal evidence is a parenting book based on anecdotal evidence that sprinkles just enough science throughout it that it can pretend to be based on science. There are some interesting reports on neuroscientific studies, and some good advice and really nice photos sprinkled throughout, but it bothered me how judgmental the author was about people who make different parenting decisions than the one she advocates (she didn't quite write "science says that any baby who doesnt cosleep will be developmentally disabled", but it was pretty close) and some of the things she called "science" seemed rather questionable evidence to me.
March 22, 2011
wonderful book. So good to have some scientific back up to show that gentle parenting is the best for your child.
January 1, 2012
Lots of interesting information about brains and chemicals. Sadly, a fair amount of those silly 'Margot wasn't hugged when she was three and now she's a serial killer' stories with accompanying badly posed stock photos too.
I happen to agree with many of the ideas presented in this book as scientific fact, but I think it's a bit rich to claim objectivity when there are patently so many agendas embedded in the interpretation of a few studies - and especially when the language used is so loaded with judgemental words and ideas.
Interesting for the scientific principles, let down somewhat by the dumbing-down and the crappy pop science style.
I happen to agree with many of the ideas presented in this book as scientific fact, but I think it's a bit rich to claim objectivity when there are patently so many agendas embedded in the interpretation of a few studies - and especially when the language used is so loaded with judgemental words and ideas.
Interesting for the scientific principles, let down somewhat by the dumbing-down and the crappy pop science style.
March 20, 2013
This is one of the best parenting books available. It uses brain science to show that attentive, gentle parenting is absolutely essential to a child's development and mental health, both presently and in the future. Some people will find parts of this book hard to hear and feel guilty knowing that they have parented their children in a way that may have been damaging to them in the past and it also may remind some of painful experiences from childhood. My boyfriend told me after reading this book he had no doubt that his anxiety and depression stemmed from being left alone to 'cry it out' as an infant. If you find the book hard to read its honestly probably even more important for you to continue reading. I also suggest the book 'The Whole Brain Child' as a wonderful parenting book with lots of parenting techniques based off of recent discoveries about the developing brain.
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October 27, 2021So, it turns out I'm not that crazy after all for doing (mostly) attachment parenting...the science of how a baby's brain develops backs it up!
October 21, 2008
Pros: I always appreciate the science lessons. My neuroscientist of a husband wasn't too enlightened, but he got a kick out of my sudden fascination with brainy chemicals. The most applicable lessons to be taken from the book are how to visualize the perspective of a child, identify the difference between actual stress/grief and intentional naughtiness, and when/how to address the underlying emotions rather than the outward behavior. It's refreshing to read about parental tools that help young children learn to cope with emotions in healthy, thoughtful ways instead of simply training them like pets to behave as we expect them to.
Cons: *Way* too long and redundant. Grab your scissors, snip out 2/3 of the text, and it'll be twice as palatable. I was also pretty turned off by the scare tactics: let your child to cry for too long or use a sharp tone of voice even once and horrible chemicals will be released into their brain that permanently wire them to be defensive, asocial, violent bullies or self-conscious, depressed, frightened introverts for the rest of their lives unless they receive extensive psychotherapy later on. So I exaggerate, but it did leave a sour tang of that flavor in my mouth.
Cons: *Way* too long and redundant. Grab your scissors, snip out 2/3 of the text, and it'll be twice as palatable. I was also pretty turned off by the scare tactics: let your child to cry for too long or use a sharp tone of voice even once and horrible chemicals will be released into their brain that permanently wire them to be defensive, asocial, violent bullies or self-conscious, depressed, frightened introverts for the rest of their lives unless they receive extensive psychotherapy later on. So I exaggerate, but it did leave a sour tang of that flavor in my mouth.
September 30, 2008
Came across this at the library and I really liked it a lot. My favorite class in college was Biological Psychology, or what's going on in our brains and bodies when different things happen to us. This book is like that but for babies and kids. Lots of brain scans that show what is lighting up in the brain when babies go through different experiences and discusses long-term effects and consequences of various parenting practices (Spoiler! Affection and emotional connection, good. Leaving them to cry themselves to sleep and otherwise ignoring them when they're afraid, bad). Frightening or encouraging/motivating, depending on how you look at it. I appreciated reading the scientific, evidence-based view of many things you hear so many varying opinions about.
June 9, 2009
GREAT parenting book! I would recommend it to everyone. The book focuses on what we know about the brain now (from brain research, which incidentally wasn't available to our mothers) and what it tells us about what is happening in the minds of our children. This understanding, in turn, helps us to know how to parent in ways that fit a child's brain processes. I didn't read it until I had a toddler, but wish I had picked it up sooner. What is more of a mystery than an infant's mind? It would have been helpful then, but is very helpful now and will be for years to come. I bought it, to keep as a reference.
July 16, 2018
I see that there are many who note that the physical design of this book is akin to a textbook...it actually WAS a textbook in my master's in counseling psychology coursework, for classes pertaining to counseling parents of children and adolescents. This helps with the organization, and splits it up into easily digestible chunks of information.
From what I can tell, the people who tend to give the lowest ratings are the people who feel defensive about the neuroscience-based recommendations to avoid placing infants and children in situations that cause their cortisol levels to spike. The author turns the microscope on the risks behind certain childrearing practices that have vocal followings (the sleep-training/"cry it out" crowd, for one, and she also makes some recommendations re: cosleeping/bedsharing that go against recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics...as a native of the UK, though, there is no reason why she would reference the AAP). And if there is anything universally true of parents, especially new-ish ones, it's that they DO NOT want to be told that the methods they've embraced are not sound. And nobody who has decided that their baby just needs to cry it out, that tears are categorically manipulation versus genuine distress, and that being tender with children is coddling them is not going to be moved to think anything other than that, anyway...and certainly, they're not going to be convinced by this book.
This book, while being somewhat repetitive for the sake of reiterating its main points, does serve as a good reminder to parents of how we have the power, through very small, easy to overlook interactions, to either put some very healthy attitudes into motion, or very unhealthy ones. The influence we have over children based on something as simple as how we talk to the, engage them, hold them, is astounding. The book really offers little that most sensitive parents will find groundbreaking, but it is nice to have the things you knew were good choices discussed through the lens of the developmental brain science that validates why those methods work.
From what I can tell, the people who tend to give the lowest ratings are the people who feel defensive about the neuroscience-based recommendations to avoid placing infants and children in situations that cause their cortisol levels to spike. The author turns the microscope on the risks behind certain childrearing practices that have vocal followings (the sleep-training/"cry it out" crowd, for one, and she also makes some recommendations re: cosleeping/bedsharing that go against recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics...as a native of the UK, though, there is no reason why she would reference the AAP). And if there is anything universally true of parents, especially new-ish ones, it's that they DO NOT want to be told that the methods they've embraced are not sound. And nobody who has decided that their baby just needs to cry it out, that tears are categorically manipulation versus genuine distress, and that being tender with children is coddling them is not going to be moved to think anything other than that, anyway...and certainly, they're not going to be convinced by this book.
This book, while being somewhat repetitive for the sake of reiterating its main points, does serve as a good reminder to parents of how we have the power, through very small, easy to overlook interactions, to either put some very healthy attitudes into motion, or very unhealthy ones. The influence we have over children based on something as simple as how we talk to the, engage them, hold them, is astounding. The book really offers little that most sensitive parents will find groundbreaking, but it is nice to have the things you knew were good choices discussed through the lens of the developmental brain science that validates why those methods work.
July 20, 2017
As a reference librarian and mother to be, I have no idea how a book based on "science" can be authored by someone without a MD, PsyD, or any medical credentials except and honorary doctorate. Seriously if you can tell me where even her Bachelor's degree is from, I'll shut up. Also, this book advocates co-sleeping & bed-sharing which is NOT recommended by: The American Association of Pediatrics , March of Dimes, the Center for Disease Control, and many other credible sources. Moms please do your homework and don't follow a book because it is what you want to hear.
June 13, 2015
Some good info here, but the book was way too dogmatic and rigid. I don't need more stress about parenting. This book leaned a little too far towards "you have to do it just right every time or you will ruin your child." I was expecting more, because I know many people like this book, but I have to say I was disappointed.
April 19, 2011
A MUST-READ for every parent, caregiver, or teacher. Everyone I recommend it to passes it on to at least three other people and they all love it too. Uses the latest brain research to finally answer the questions all parents have about how to raise their children.
January 31, 2016
Must read for all parents.
July 27, 2023
A really good book for parents 😊
July 13, 2018
Good book for an introduction to developmental neuroscience for the layperson just looking to raise kids, however I felt the book often oversold the evidence as it relates to specific interventions. For instance when it comes to co-sleeping It comes off pretty clearly that the author is pushing an agenda for sharing the same bed, when the consensus amongst experts is that this is unsafe. She selects articles from literature that support her view but does not really present the alternative views. Additionally I felt that while she stressed certain things like "Never use a pacifier" and says that it results in "kids becoming apathetic" there is no real evidence to suggest this is the case, or that it makes any long term difference. Either way good book, worth a read for new parents, but I would recommend taking advice from a pediatrician you know is up to date on literature rather than taking this book to be dogma.
March 26, 2011
This book is unique as it talks about brain development in children. This has been really helpful in being able to respond appropriately to my child. It helps to understand how the brain develops and how that influences behavior and perception. I find that I can respond more appropriately when my child is crying. I can also recognize how certain acts (ie such as coming in for a quick hug) is a way for my child to reconnect and to get a dose of happy hormones.
It is also a good reminder that how one parents can either help with brain development by encouraging connections to higher brain functions, or can hinder this process.
I did find the book to be rather heavy handed with the role of nurture rather than nature. Sometimes I felt their correlations to adult behavior to be a little far fetched.
It is also a good reminder that how one parents can either help with brain development by encouraging connections to higher brain functions, or can hinder this process.
I did find the book to be rather heavy handed with the role of nurture rather than nature. Sometimes I felt their correlations to adult behavior to be a little far fetched.
September 5, 2010
I'll have to revisit the last two-thirds of this book, which deal more with toddlers and older children, but I just loved the first third. Most of my comments have already appeared in other reviews, like how I really dug the concept of not just offering advice, but explaining the neurobiological basis for said advice. But on top of the usual reactions, I also loved that unlike so many parenting books, Sunderland doesn't feel the need to address her advice to one parent (usually "mom," which, like, thanks a lot from the two-mom households)--there are no references that I could discern to either mom or dad, and I found the assumption of equally shared parenting so refreshing.
June 10, 2009
Really good book. Justin and I both loved it, especially since we are both psychologists. It was kind of formatted like a textbook but it was very easy to read and very interesting. And while it was easy to read, it was also very scientific and thoroughly researched and drew on the knowlegde we both already have of brain anatomy, chemical development, attachment, etc. So it wasn't just someone's opinion disguised as a "science" like so many parenting books. I would recommend it for ANY new parent.
September 1, 2014
The science behind this book is weak at best. She picks what she likes, and either ignores or disagrees with what she doesn't. So from a scientific/evidence based point of view this is crap. However, from a parental perspective it does give one version of an understanding of small children and some ways to help manage them which can be useful. Just don't call it science. It's opinion backed up by anecdote.
January 22, 2010
The beginning part was annoying because the author makes it sound like unless you choose co-sleeping you are choosing to ignore your child.
I almost did not read past that portion.
In the end, I was glad I did.
I think it will be useful from ages 1.5-5.
I will use other books for early childhood though.
April 8, 2020
In everything, there is no “one way” to achieve a desired outcome. However, this book does an excellent job of laying out the scientific research and the best practices in parenting based on such.
June 27, 2018
Being based on a solid scientific corpus this book is a great resource for budding parents. It will be read again and consulted many times.
As some reviews here suggest I would say it is true that the author can come of as judgemental. It is mentioned that the science is not conclusive and maybe it does paint a too clear a picture about what good scientific parenting would look like. This might be missleading for someone with a vague understanding of the scientific process and how academia works. It is stated however that the book will give you an overview of where current research would lead your parenting, so I don't really see a problem with this approach. As long as the reader keeps in mind that science is a process and that not much is conclusive in the long run. This book is still really trustworthy. Lots of research has been consulted and presented with clear referencing. As such it enables the reader to fact check statements in a straight forward way.
The criticism that this book seems to assume that moms are the primary caregivers is definatly valid. With this in mind I would still really recommend this book. Especially for people with a male uppbringing who might have gotten less preparation and socialisation into a role as a parent.
As some reviews here suggest I would say it is true that the author can come of as judgemental. It is mentioned that the science is not conclusive and maybe it does paint a too clear a picture about what good scientific parenting would look like. This might be missleading for someone with a vague understanding of the scientific process and how academia works. It is stated however that the book will give you an overview of where current research would lead your parenting, so I don't really see a problem with this approach. As long as the reader keeps in mind that science is a process and that not much is conclusive in the long run. This book is still really trustworthy. Lots of research has been consulted and presented with clear referencing. As such it enables the reader to fact check statements in a straight forward way.
The criticism that this book seems to assume that moms are the primary caregivers is definatly valid. With this in mind I would still really recommend this book. Especially for people with a male uppbringing who might have gotten less preparation and socialisation into a role as a parent.
September 3, 2021
I was hoping for more from a book titled “The Science of Parenting.” Certainly the book relies on and cites a wide variety of scientific, peer-reviewed articles. However, many other statements have no citation to back them up whatsoever. Other times, the author uses a statistic to make a point without providing evidence to connect the two. For example, more than once she refers to the fact that 57 million depression medications are prescribed in the UK each year when there are only 53 million people in the UK to prove that current parenting practices are harming children without supporting this claim. She denies any genetic component to depression, despite extensive research showing that this connection does exist. It got to the point where I couldn’t feel confident in the information being presented to me, since so much of it was faulty.
January 5, 2024
This book is extremely easy to read due to its formatting, clear and simple language, and how paragraphs and chapters are organized.
This simplicity does not mean that the book is superficial, on the contrary, it provides a 360 view of parenthood and child development. There are even chapters about the well-being of parents and how they can affect the child.
The authors tackle common questions and myths with clear scientific explanations.
My only criticism is the referencing systems. The references are at the end of the book, but I would have preferred them in a more academic style.
However, as with any book that spreads on many subjects, it does not deep dive into any of them but still provides enough information to leave the reader satisfied.
If you are searching for an easy-to-read book, that provides a robust introduction to parenting do not be afraid to pick this one.
This simplicity does not mean that the book is superficial, on the contrary, it provides a 360 view of parenthood and child development. There are even chapters about the well-being of parents and how they can affect the child.
The authors tackle common questions and myths with clear scientific explanations.
My only criticism is the referencing systems. The references are at the end of the book, but I would have preferred them in a more academic style.
However, as with any book that spreads on many subjects, it does not deep dive into any of them but still provides enough information to leave the reader satisfied.
If you are searching for an easy-to-read book, that provides a robust introduction to parenting do not be afraid to pick this one.
June 1, 2022
A bit verbose and repetitive at times. But the lessons on attachment theory parenting it imparts are priceless. Parenting is the most important job a person can have. Yet sadly most parents are mediocre at best. This book helps parents understand the psychology of the developing brain and, essentially, how being compassionate is the most important attribute to bring to parenting. One important aspect of attachment theory parenting is to *not* sleep train (sleep training is to just leave your baby alone in the crib while they cry themselves to sleep at a very early age - as early as 3 months). Not judging parents that do this. But the author of this book (and my wife and I) are very much against this. I am surprised at how many parents do this - it's still the prevailing wisdom, sadly.
November 22, 2020
I really like this type of parenting book! And i love this book. It really gives other perspective for popular parenting practice, like sleep training, time out, etc. This book explains from scientific perspective especially neuropsychology (brain science). I also like the gentle approach of the parenting, because of the "brain reason". It has a knowledge like a college book, but the writing is simple, and also really heartwarming for a parent. I highly recommend this book, especially if you have read a lot of parenting book and unsure about everything, and needing new perspective.
October 7, 2020
Hands down the 1 of 3 books that have resulted in our children being so well adjusted. We receive praise regularly about how our 2 children are a pleasure to teach and to spend time with.
The other 2 books were Raising Boys and Raising Girls by Steve Biddulph.
I cannot recommend this book Highly enough.
You will not be disappointed if you follow and use the advice to mold your parenting.
The other 2 books were Raising Boys and Raising Girls by Steve Biddulph.
I cannot recommend this book Highly enough.
You will not be disappointed if you follow and use the advice to mold your parenting.
August 13, 2019
Oh my gosh,a wonderful reference and companion to attachment parenting theory books. Great gift to give because unbiased because of the science references, and yet still filled with wonderful parenting advice.
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