Authentic Conversations: Moving from Manipulation to Truth and Commitment

by Jamie Showkeir

In this groundbreaking new book, Jamie and Maren Showkeir take something people typically think of as merely functional—ordinary conversation—and show how it can lead to a workforce that is engaged and energized or to one that is alienated and uninspired. All too often workplace conversations create what the authors call parent-child relationships. People hide facts, sugarcoat reality, and claim helplessness to try to control the interaction and get what they want. The Showkeirs demonstrate how we can move to honest and authentic adult conversations that create increased commitment, true accountability, and improved business performance. They offer examples of parent-child and adult-adult workplace conversations in a variety of settings and provide a hands-on guide, including sample scripts, for dealing with a host of potentially difficult conversations.

Genres: Communication, Professional Development, Business, Leadership

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Merrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Authentic Conversations, Jamie Showkeir and Maren Showkeir convey the beautiful truth that if we get rid of hidden agendas and care about the success of others just as much as we care about our own success, everyone will reap long-lasting benefits. The authors skillfully demonstrate that shifting from parent-child interactions to authentic adult conversations will transform an organizational culture and create higher levels of results.

Showkeir and Showkeir address the destructive power of cynicism and that accountability comes from within. This book is based on the importance of candor and taking person ownership for our words and actions.

While the book contains many lists, such as, the six steps for confronting and reframing cynicism and the five elements of effective performance conversations, I particular appreciated the eight personal commitments that are necessary to begin changing the conversation. They include:
1. Recognizing others as free and accountable
2. Choosing engagement over manipulation
3. Using language for disclosure over effect
4. Choosing consent and commitment over compliance
5. Putting the relationship at risk
6. Choosing contribution and worth over self-interest and cynicism
7. Embracing accountability for the whole
8. Willingness to grieve and let go

Authentic Conversations provides a roadmap transforming daily interactions into adult conversations that foster connection, commitment, accountability and heightened performance.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Researching this for a client: this is a powerful book that aligns with what I teach. Changing how you have conversations is a cultural shift that benefits all, whether in the work place or in personal dialogue. A really interesting read.

[Matthew Wright · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is highly repetitive and often finds ways to say the same thing throughout.

[Cindy Reifsnider · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jamie was an amazing mentor. Never let excuses hold you back from having real conversations.

[E · Rating 4 out of 5]

How honest conversations can promote accountability

A simple, honest conversation has the power to change the way your staff members think and even to shape your corporate culture. Effective work environments encourage employees to act according to their individual sense of responsibility and to pull together to make the business as good as it can be. This beats ordering people to do their best, then watching them like a hawk to make sure they don’t make mistakes. To promote a spirit of accountability among your staff members, communication and corporate-culture experts Jamie and Maren Showkeir recommend engaging them in “authentic conversations” and avoiding the parent-child discourses common in many firms. In this thoughtful, inspiring book, they explain how to foster positive conversations. getAbstract recommends it to all leaders, from top executives to human resources professionals, supervisors and coaches.

[Jay Ehret · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the better books I've read in the past couple of years. You can choose to be a cynic and blame others for your lack of success, or you can choose authenticity and commitment to the success of the organization as a whole. While this book is about personal accountability it addresses changing the parent-child conversations that pervade the workplace. These p-c conversations profess to want commitment but what they dictate is compliance. Commitment is a personal choice and this book motivates you to make that choice and spells out the way that you can begin changing the workplace through your own authentic conversations. Move from a culture of compliance to one of collaboration.

While addressing primarily workplace conversations is will also help in personal relationships with parent-child conversations.

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the thesis of the book (don't talk to adults like you talk to children) could be helpful for anyone, all of the examples and content is geared toward larger companies. I think this book could be great for people who manage large groups of employees, or even people who work at larger companies. But otherwise, there isn't a lot here.

[Alex Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read. Probably the first book of its kind that I have read that actually has some pretty revolutionary ideas. Now I have to see if I can apply the principles

[Jean]

Great read. Finally practical application for age old principles.