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I Know You Really Love Me: A Psychiatrist's Account of Stalking and Obsessive Love
Locked in a ward of an Arizona psychiatric hospital, the patient called Fran looked harmless, even ordinary. Meeting her, psychiatrist Doreen Orion had no warning that Fran suffered from erotomania, the bizarre mental disorder that causes stalkers to believe their victims are in love with them--and no inkling that she would be the next target of Fran's twisted, dangerous mind.
Now Dr. Orion reveals how she has been spied upon, accosted, and hunted for eight years, living in fear of her life and the lives of those closest to her. Changing her address and job, getting restraining orders and having Fran arrested, have all failed to end Fran's obsessive behavior, which continues to this day.
Recounting the ordeals of Madonna, David Letterman, and scores of others who have been terrorized by stalkers, Dr. Orion alerts potential victims to this increasingly deadly disorder--and tells what society must do to protect us all from those who would kill for love.
Now Dr. Orion reveals how she has been spied upon, accosted, and hunted for eight years, living in fear of her life and the lives of those closest to her. Changing her address and job, getting restraining orders and having Fran arrested, have all failed to end Fran's obsessive behavior, which continues to this day.
Recounting the ordeals of Madonna, David Letterman, and scores of others who have been terrorized by stalkers, Dr. Orion alerts potential victims to this increasingly deadly disorder--and tells what society must do to protect us all from those who would kill for love.
366 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published June 1, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
October 28, 2007
it takes some really awful writing to make such an interesting subject so dull! i am fascinated by erotomanic delusions and yet i couldn't finish this book, which is the story of a female psychiatrist and her female, patient/stalker. it just seemed so drawn out. the french movie, 'he loves me, he loves me not' is facinating if you are also interested in erotomania.
September 25, 2012
This exploration of erotomania is as interesting and valid today (I am writing this review in 2012) as when it was first published in 1997. Written with scientific authority, it's doubly powerful in that the author, psychiatrist Doreen Orion, is speaking from her personal experience of being 'stalked' by a female patient she calls Fran who clings onto the delusion that the two of them have a lesbian love relationship. At the time of publication this 'affair' had already gone on eight years and counting, surviving a series of restraining orders, spells by Fran in a mental hospital and a prison, and even a move by Dr Orion and her fiancee across two states - Fran simply moved right to the same town, despite the author's enormous efforts to wipe away all evidence of her own move and clues to her whereabouts.
At the beginning of the book - which is narrated chronologically and skilfully mixes illuminating commentary into a gripping novel-like narrative structure - Dr Orion knew nothing about erotomania (the delusional but sincerely held belief that the 'object' is in love with the erotomanic), not even the name of the condition. Eight years on, she had become an expert, a campaigner and a lecturer in the subject, having researched as much as she could to understand what was happening to her, and ultimately to help others. The reader gets many of the fruits of this research delivered in a style very accessible to the general reader and including other fascinating case studies such as celebrity victims Madonna and David Letterman, and some tragic ones too, for some frustrated erotomanics turn to revenge and retribution with acts of violence and even murder.
It seems there is no known cure for erotomania, and little medication can do. Therapy doesn't help - erotomanics cannot be talked out of what they honestly believe to be true; what is the problem? The only relief for some victims is that sometimes their pursuers move on to other love objects. I'd like to think that by now Fran has moved on from the guiltless Dr Orion, except (and I know the author feels this too) this simply means more suffering for another victim.
I understand from a online reference I read just now that there is an updated version of this book, so perhaps new readers will find some kind of end to the story there. I hope it's a happy one.
At the beginning of the book - which is narrated chronologically and skilfully mixes illuminating commentary into a gripping novel-like narrative structure - Dr Orion knew nothing about erotomania (the delusional but sincerely held belief that the 'object' is in love with the erotomanic), not even the name of the condition. Eight years on, she had become an expert, a campaigner and a lecturer in the subject, having researched as much as she could to understand what was happening to her, and ultimately to help others. The reader gets many of the fruits of this research delivered in a style very accessible to the general reader and including other fascinating case studies such as celebrity victims Madonna and David Letterman, and some tragic ones too, for some frustrated erotomanics turn to revenge and retribution with acts of violence and even murder.
It seems there is no known cure for erotomania, and little medication can do. Therapy doesn't help - erotomanics cannot be talked out of what they honestly believe to be true; what is the problem? The only relief for some victims is that sometimes their pursuers move on to other love objects. I'd like to think that by now Fran has moved on from the guiltless Dr Orion, except (and I know the author feels this too) this simply means more suffering for another victim.
I understand from a online reference I read just now that there is an updated version of this book, so perhaps new readers will find some kind of end to the story there. I hope it's a happy one.
July 10, 2014
See more of my reviews on my blog Thoughts At One In The Morning.
My Thoughts:
This is a true story told from the point of view of a psychiatrist who gets stalked by one of her patients. Fran Nightingale believes she’s in a relationship with Dr. Orion, even though there was never any suggestion of one. For eight long years Dr. Orion struggles to protect herself and her fiancée/husband Tim (they got married in the midst of all this). She attempts to get into Fran’s mind to understand how to get her to let go of this silly notion that something was going on between them. The problem is that Fran has erotomania, which means she becomes obsessed with someone and believes they are in love with her. These delusions often lead to stalking the person they are in love with, despite being told directly to their face and indirectly by the person’s actions that they are not interested in a relationship.
The reason why I even picked this book up to begin with is due to the fact that I knew someone who had these tendencies. I wanted to understand what was going on in their mind, why they were so fixated on one person and wouldn’t believe that there was nothing between them. It was a pretty eye opening tale of what happens to a person when they end up being the one an erotomaniac sets their mind on.
I ended up learning a lot about not only erotomania but one of the things that happens to someone who is obsessively attached: stalking. I’ve seen portrayals on television before but had no idea the lengths some people go to. Dr. Orion talks about the stories of countless others who suffered at the hands of their stalkers. Some of the stories can even scare you. Even when these victims get restraining orders, it still doesn’t stop the stalker from following them or even finding them when they try to move.
What really got to me is how little the law could do to help a person when they are being stalked by an erotomaniac. At the time of this novel being written, laws had not caught up with this mental illness. While some states had passed laws that protected the ones being stalked, many of them were behind. People had the false notion that a stalker is only dangerous when they threaten their victim. This is not always the case. Once the stalker/erotomaniac gets triggered by something life changing (loss of employment, loss of a loved one, their victim getting married, etc.), something inside may snap. In one deadly instance, Laura Black’s stalker Richard Farley came into her place of work with nearly a hundred pounds of guns and ammunition. He killed seven of her coworkers and injured four, including Laura.
Due to cases like that (including some celebrities that have been stalked and killed), laws have been changed to protect people from getting hurt. This includes stiffer sentences for repeat offenders to prevent them from getting away with their pursuits for years, like in the case of Dr. Orion with Fran.
I don’t know what current laws are (this book was published in 1997), but I’m sure that due to Doreen Orion and many other victims speaking out like this, a lot of the loopholes were taken care of since. Of course, there’s no way you can change a person who has erotomania, but after reading this many can find ways to protect themselves and their families and friends. This isn’t necessarily an easy read, it is pretty intense and can even frighten you. I found it more absorbing due to a personal desire to understand. If anyone is dealing with a stalker or an erotomaniac, this is definitely one of those books you want to read.
My Rating:
Very Good: Stay up late
My Thoughts:
This is a true story told from the point of view of a psychiatrist who gets stalked by one of her patients. Fran Nightingale believes she’s in a relationship with Dr. Orion, even though there was never any suggestion of one. For eight long years Dr. Orion struggles to protect herself and her fiancée/husband Tim (they got married in the midst of all this). She attempts to get into Fran’s mind to understand how to get her to let go of this silly notion that something was going on between them. The problem is that Fran has erotomania, which means she becomes obsessed with someone and believes they are in love with her. These delusions often lead to stalking the person they are in love with, despite being told directly to their face and indirectly by the person’s actions that they are not interested in a relationship.
The reason why I even picked this book up to begin with is due to the fact that I knew someone who had these tendencies. I wanted to understand what was going on in their mind, why they were so fixated on one person and wouldn’t believe that there was nothing between them. It was a pretty eye opening tale of what happens to a person when they end up being the one an erotomaniac sets their mind on.
I ended up learning a lot about not only erotomania but one of the things that happens to someone who is obsessively attached: stalking. I’ve seen portrayals on television before but had no idea the lengths some people go to. Dr. Orion talks about the stories of countless others who suffered at the hands of their stalkers. Some of the stories can even scare you. Even when these victims get restraining orders, it still doesn’t stop the stalker from following them or even finding them when they try to move.
What really got to me is how little the law could do to help a person when they are being stalked by an erotomaniac. At the time of this novel being written, laws had not caught up with this mental illness. While some states had passed laws that protected the ones being stalked, many of them were behind. People had the false notion that a stalker is only dangerous when they threaten their victim. This is not always the case. Once the stalker/erotomaniac gets triggered by something life changing (loss of employment, loss of a loved one, their victim getting married, etc.), something inside may snap. In one deadly instance, Laura Black’s stalker Richard Farley came into her place of work with nearly a hundred pounds of guns and ammunition. He killed seven of her coworkers and injured four, including Laura.
Due to cases like that (including some celebrities that have been stalked and killed), laws have been changed to protect people from getting hurt. This includes stiffer sentences for repeat offenders to prevent them from getting away with their pursuits for years, like in the case of Dr. Orion with Fran.
I don’t know what current laws are (this book was published in 1997), but I’m sure that due to Doreen Orion and many other victims speaking out like this, a lot of the loopholes were taken care of since. Of course, there’s no way you can change a person who has erotomania, but after reading this many can find ways to protect themselves and their families and friends. This isn’t necessarily an easy read, it is pretty intense and can even frighten you. I found it more absorbing due to a personal desire to understand. If anyone is dealing with a stalker or an erotomaniac, this is definitely one of those books you want to read.
My Rating:
Very Good: Stay up late
August 3, 2017
I purchased this years ago from a used bookstore. I just finished my graduate program to become a therapist. I chose the perfect time to read this book!
It was interesting to read this book due to my professional background. I felt Dr. Orion was really brave and honest to write this book. She was open about her thoughts, feelings, and beliefs -- which at points did not represent a good "therapist." She really portrayed her own humanity well. The portrayal felt real and complex. There were times I was frustrated with her. I felt she was also honest about her relationship with her husband, whose ongoing belittlement of her fears about her stalker was infuriating. The storyline about the stalker herself was also interesting.
I learned a lot about stalking (especially stalking based in erotomania) from this book. I felt it portrayed the process of being stalked and how others react to it very well. This seems necessary, because victims of this crime are often blamed for the stalking, since the mindset of a stalker is so foreign to stable people. I feel Dr. Orion really covered all aspects of stalking (the stalker's experience the stalked's experience, psychiatric aspects, legal aspects) well. The book is dated and relies on the DSM-III (no longer utilized), and the laws are obviously older. But, the discussion was still enlightening. The origins of the stalking laws really gives us an idea of what our culture's views on stalking have been, and how they hurt victims.
My only major complaint is that this book dragged. The writing quality just wasn't there. Due to the author's experiences she is obviously very invested in the topic, but at times the book became ruminative. There were times when it felt like it could have been condensed.
Overall a good book -- what a way to start my career as a therapist! Besides the narratives of the author, we learn of many other shocking cases of stalking. Those were the most gripping parts of the book. I really wish I could know what happened to Dr. Orion and if she was stalked for much longer (as the time of writing it had been about eight years, even after a move across states.)
It was interesting to read this book due to my professional background. I felt Dr. Orion was really brave and honest to write this book. She was open about her thoughts, feelings, and beliefs -- which at points did not represent a good "therapist." She really portrayed her own humanity well. The portrayal felt real and complex. There were times I was frustrated with her. I felt she was also honest about her relationship with her husband, whose ongoing belittlement of her fears about her stalker was infuriating. The storyline about the stalker herself was also interesting.
I learned a lot about stalking (especially stalking based in erotomania) from this book. I felt it portrayed the process of being stalked and how others react to it very well. This seems necessary, because victims of this crime are often blamed for the stalking, since the mindset of a stalker is so foreign to stable people. I feel Dr. Orion really covered all aspects of stalking (the stalker's experience the stalked's experience, psychiatric aspects, legal aspects) well. The book is dated and relies on the DSM-III (no longer utilized), and the laws are obviously older. But, the discussion was still enlightening. The origins of the stalking laws really gives us an idea of what our culture's views on stalking have been, and how they hurt victims.
My only major complaint is that this book dragged. The writing quality just wasn't there. Due to the author's experiences she is obviously very invested in the topic, but at times the book became ruminative. There were times when it felt like it could have been condensed.
Overall a good book -- what a way to start my career as a therapist! Besides the narratives of the author, we learn of many other shocking cases of stalking. Those were the most gripping parts of the book. I really wish I could know what happened to Dr. Orion and if she was stalked for much longer (as the time of writing it had been about eight years, even after a move across states.)
June 4, 2012
The dark subject matter and title made me think the book would be a lot more gripping and thrilling then it actually was. Although there were a few jumpy, eerie bits, the majority was not
July 20, 2021
The cover is beautiful for its theme. The title is great. They match the conventions of a psychological thriller, and I greatly enjoy reading those. This book is a combination of a memoir, a civil procedure law textbook, a criminal law textbook, and a book that helps a person who's being stalked. All of those are a lot for a paperback to handle. Dr Orion's book fails at it. It's a strange combination, anyway.
But when this book first came out in 1997, I firmly believe it helped many, many people. This book is a time capsule and I'm so glad a variety of societies have progressed since then, with such better technological access, information and social views. This book is at the same time hopelessly outdated and Dr Orion's memoir reads like she's pleading for the audience to believe her, when she's not delivering walls o' text. Sometimes it's checklists. Sometimes it's state laws, word for word, as they were when the book was written more than twenty years ago. I believe Dr Orion, and also find the way parts of the book were put together to be annoying. Totally separate from everything else in the book: Dr Orion seemed condescending of her patients despite repeatedly claiming to be in love with her work. Did--did she only want people whose lives were drastically improved solely with one medication and the dosage instantly correct or something? Because she really seems, in some places, to only have patients with "easy" illnesses and treatment plans. Schizophrenia and related diseases do not tend to be easy to treat at first. While her ordeal must have been awful, I'm not blaming her for it. That is not the issue I'm trying to address when I mean--oh, whatever.
Another Goodreads review suggests watching a 2002 French film that is available on Amazon with terrific English subtitles: I watched "He Loves Me, He Loves me Not" a few weeks before reading this book. It's a great start for learning about erotomania, as the reviewer points out. It's not scary at all, I note, so don't expect a psychological thriller. Don't expect one from this book, either.
But when this book first came out in 1997, I firmly believe it helped many, many people. This book is a time capsule and I'm so glad a variety of societies have progressed since then, with such better technological access, information and social views. This book is at the same time hopelessly outdated and Dr Orion's memoir reads like she's pleading for the audience to believe her, when she's not delivering walls o' text. Sometimes it's checklists. Sometimes it's state laws, word for word, as they were when the book was written more than twenty years ago. I believe Dr Orion, and also find the way parts of the book were put together to be annoying. Totally separate from everything else in the book: Dr Orion seemed condescending of her patients despite repeatedly claiming to be in love with her work. Did--did she only want people whose lives were drastically improved solely with one medication and the dosage instantly correct or something? Because she really seems, in some places, to only have patients with "easy" illnesses and treatment plans. Schizophrenia and related diseases do not tend to be easy to treat at first. While her ordeal must have been awful, I'm not blaming her for it. That is not the issue I'm trying to address when I mean--oh, whatever.
Another Goodreads review suggests watching a 2002 French film that is available on Amazon with terrific English subtitles: I watched "He Loves Me, He Loves me Not" a few weeks before reading this book. It's a great start for learning about erotomania, as the reviewer points out. It's not scary at all, I note, so don't expect a psychological thriller. Don't expect one from this book, either.
October 3, 2015
Well, if any psychiatrists have some down time then they could probably write some pretty intense horror/suspense novels based on all the stuff they've had to deal with from their patients.
I don't usually willingly pick up non fiction, but the subject of eteromania has interested me since my French teacher showed us the film He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not . This subject seems to be becoming more popular in all types of media, so I thought why not?
It is insane how much these victims were put through, yet there was really nothing that could be done to help protect them at that point in time. I (who tend to get ridiculously emotionally invested in books) was feeling almost all of the frustration and anxiety of the author was experiencing with the lack of sympathy, suggested blame, and apathy from the people who were supposed to protect her, that I had to put it down and walk away a few times.
Which this time I don't really consider a bad thing.
I feel like this read as half textbook, but I personally didn't mind. It was interesting and seamlessly blended the accounts of other stalking victims with the personal experiences of the author.
I don't usually willingly pick up non fiction, but the subject of eteromania has interested me since my French teacher showed us the film He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not . This subject seems to be becoming more popular in all types of media, so I thought why not?
It is insane how much these victims were put through, yet there was really nothing that could be done to help protect them at that point in time. I (who tend to get ridiculously emotionally invested in books) was feeling almost all of the frustration and anxiety of the author was experiencing with the lack of sympathy, suggested blame, and apathy from the people who were supposed to protect her, that I had to put it down and walk away a few times.
Which this time I don't really consider a bad thing.
I feel like this read as half textbook, but I personally didn't mind. It was interesting and seamlessly blended the accounts of other stalking victims with the personal experiences of the author.
May 3, 2012
As an avid reader and addict of mental disorders and the research that goes into understanding them, I really enjoyed reading this. Its insight into the world of erotomania. You cant read something like this and look for a plot or some story to entertain you. Its INFORMATIONAL! It could save your life. I suggest people look at it for what it is, real life. Not art imitating life. REAL life. This woman suffered at the hand of some other woman who she randomly happened across. This is not Edward saving Bella from a car or someone out to steal Zeus's lightning, its stalking. Real pain. Real fear. REAL. Personally, I think this is an important read for anyone, not just women, but anyone. Knowledge is power.
December 17, 2008
This was an interesting book in that I learned more about stalking than I probably cared to know. However, if I ever get stalked, I'll have some guidelines to follow. The author Doreen Orion, a psychiatrist,tells of her own experience of being stalked for years by a former patient. What I objected to is the length of the tale. It went on and on and on, a ploy,no doubt by her publisher to add length so it could charge more for the book. It was extremely repetitious. I could have written this book in a third of the space and not left out a single detail!
June 23, 2009
This is a tough read. I didn't realize what I was getting myself into because it was a recommended book. Its a true story about a psychiatrist who's former patient start stalking her for 9 years! You'll learn a lot about erotomania, a mental disorder that leads the delusions to believe their victim is in love with them. Thus all their actions are justified. I did find it was a quick read but it also made me slightly paranoid. I had to check my doors 3 times before going to bed. So read with caution.
July 28, 2014
The information in this book is both interesting and important. However, there are many times (especially in the first half) where the author tries to connect events or statements that do not flow well together. There were also plenty of spelling errors throughout the book. The content is a good introduction to stalking and erotomania but it is old. The laws are different now, as is the awareness level for victims (thanks to people like the author); which deems this book a little outdated in my opinion.
February 4, 2017
Doreen Orion's account of her experience of being stalked for 8 long years is fascinating and creepy at the same time. She tells of her experience of being stalked by a former patient who was institutionalized after having a crazed panic attack. She shares stories of well known celebrities that have been stalked even some that were murdered as well as stories she heard from ordinary people just like her. She explains the differences between erotomania(what her stalker has) and normal stalkers. This is a fascinating read.
March 17, 2009
If you picked this book and expected a scary story about a stalker you are wrong. This is more about stalking in generally and especially the stalkers that suffer from erotomania.
I thought this book was very interesting. Yes I would have enjoyed a scary book but this one was really an eye opener about stalking. I've learned a lot reading this.
I thought this book was very interesting. Yes I would have enjoyed a scary book but this one was really an eye opener about stalking. I've learned a lot reading this.
October 25, 2011
This was really a fascinating book, I thought. The author has the benefit of her education in psychiatry to help her to explain stalking. She also discusses her own feelings on being stalked, including her frusteration with the laws that were in effect at the time of her writing. (Late 1990s.) Recommended.
July 21, 2017
This book was a pity. The subject matter was interesting and the story was really gripping and SHOULD have made a great true crime novel.
Sadly, the writer just isn't a good author or her editor seriously slacked off in this book.
Sadly, the writer just isn't a good author or her editor seriously slacked off in this book.
March 3, 2023
Both harrowing and informative. Crucial for those with exposure to mental health, law enforcement, and academic fields. Slightly dated but information straight from a trained and vetted source proves invaluable in terms of erotomanic pathology and its horrid consequences.
August 21, 2012
OMG! I remember needing this book......lol......its good to know the inside squirmy brain of a crazy person and how their thought processes work.....gives you an edge.
January 25, 2016
I got sort of bored with all the info about out-of-date legislation.
September 24, 2022
Excellent book!
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews