Crazy Love

by Leslie Morgan Steiner

At 22, Leslie Morgan Steiner seemed to have it all: a Harvard diploma, a glamorous job at Seventeen magazine, a downtown New York City apartment. Plus a handsome, funny, street-smart boyfriend who adored her. But behind her façade of success, this golden girl hid a dark secret. She’d made a mistake shared by millions: she fell in love with the wrong person.

At first Leslie and Conor seemed as perfect together as their fairy-tale wedding. Then came the fights she tried to ignore: he pushed her down the stairs of the house they bought together, poured coffee grinds over her hair as she dressed for a critical job interview, choked her during an argument, and threatened her with a gun. Several times, he came close to making good on his threat to kill her. With each attack, Leslie lost another piece of herself.

Gripping and utterly compelling, Crazy Love takes you inside the violent, devastating world of abusive love. Conor said he’d been abused since he was a young boy, and love and rage danced intimately together in his psyche. Why didn’t Leslie leave? She stayed because she loved him. Find out for yourself if she had fallen truly in love – or into a psychological trap. Crazy Love will draw you in -- and never let go.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Book Club, Biography Memoir, Psychology, True Crime

336 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

I am the author of four books:

The New York Times bestselling memoir about relationship abuse, Crazy Love
The anthology Mommy Wars
The Baby Chase, which explores infertility and surrogacy
My latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem and dating after 50.

One of the best things I ever did was from 2006-2008 I wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post’s popular on-line work/family column, “On Balance.”

I have a BA in English from Harvard College. My first job was writing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, I spent 10 years at Johnson & Johnson, launching Splenda Brand Sweetener from Argentina to Australia to Dubai. I returned to my hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a job I loved for five years, until the demands of juggling work and raising kids prompted my return to fulltime writing.

I've been a guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. After appearing three nights in a row on Anderson Cooper 360, I had a dream that he asked me to become his sole heterosexual lover (I accepted). I've appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. I speak about 30 times a year on how end family violence. My 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence, which was curated by a friend from second grade, has been viewed by over five million people, and in 2014 I completed my second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy on the stage of the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. I am a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love.

I divide my time between Washington, DC, New York, New Hampshire, and anywhere else in the world I'm lucky enough to be invited to visit.

Reviews

[Robin Malcomson · Rating 2 out of 5]

The is a non fiction memoir of a woman surviving a physically abusive relationship. I will give her credit for writing a book that might open some eyes and maybe even help someone.
But...
The whole premise of this book is that if she...Harvard educated, well to do and blond (smacks of bigotry to me) can be abused then anyone can. Well there is one huge problem with that. The part that puts her right in there with the rest of the statistics. She comes from a very dysfunctional family. Rampant alcoholism, distant workaholic father, verbal abuse, etc. She was drinking, drugging and sexing starting at age 13. Yes she was an overachieving student who was very successful, got into Harvard, and stopped everything cold turkey at age 18, but the history is still there.
Yes, she was eventually able to get out of the relationship, because she had so many resources. She had job offers around the country, a strong network of friends, and some money to back up a move. But not recognizing the signs of an abuser has nothing to do with being pretty and blond....it has do with your life experience or lack of in some cases.
This book really struck a nerve with me. The whole book she makes it seem like she should be ABOVE being caught up in an abusive relationship, while the entire time demonstrating why she was perfect prey for one. The only reason she got out, while others are stuck, is that she did have the education to achieve a lucrative career and was lucky enough to have not had children. Others don't necessarily stay because they are dumb, they stay because they are stuck.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was like a mirror into my own past. I've had it for several years, but just recently reached the point where I was able to read it. It was harrowing. It made me cry. It was all too real to me. I recommend this book highly, but if you have a history of spousal abuse, just know her descriptions of her husband's attacks are plainly but vividly explained (if that makes any sense). She describes them very straight forwardly. And it can take you right back to any moment of your own.

I think this is an important book. It shows a survivor. And she's not just surviving (as if that's not enough). She's thriving. She is proof that escape is possible. And at the end of the book, there is a list of phone numbers, resources for anyone in an abusive relationship of any kind.

[♥Milica♥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a hard one to rate, because on one hand Leslie is brave for telling her story and it might help someone leave an abusive relationship when they read it (or at the very least make them feel like they're not alone), on the other, some of the things she did (especially in regards to her pets) are unimaginable to me, even in the state of mind she was in.

I know someone is probably waiting to say "well you haven't been in her shoes so you can't say xyz" and yes, but if someone wanted me to get rid of a beloved pet because they didn't like it, they would be the one to go, not the pet. Like, there is a line here and THAT is it.

Other than that, I don't fault her for failing to see (or ignoring) the red flags, I know that happens very often. And I can understand why she stayed (other than the cat thing, obviously, reddest flag that ever existed), how hard it was to leave when she was isolated, etc.

I could also relate to Leslie in a few scenes, like at the start when she doesn't move away from Conor because that would be rude or she might hurt his feelings...that's me, right there. I put the comfort of others (friends or strangers) above my own and I'm always hurt because of it so I really need to stop doing that.

A few other reviews pointed out that the way the author presented herself wasn't ideal, and I agree. I get where she was going with the whole "I'm white and blonde and I went to Harvard" thing, she was trying to show that ANYONE could be abused regardless of what they look like, but it just wasn't presented the best way is all.

I'm glad she managed to get out, and I wish her nothing but happiness.

3.5

[Debbie Petersen Wolven · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wish I could remember who recommended this book to me so that I never read their recommendations again. Unbelievable that it was written by a Harvard grad, since it reads more like an article in Seventeen magazine. The author actually wrote for Seventeen, before giving up her job to move to another state with a man who choked her during sex (while repeating the creepy words 'I own you') long before she married him, the most apparent red flag in a long string of warnings she chose to ignore. Giving up your cat that you raised from kittenhood because a man doesn't like her? Unforgivable! Any man who insists that you get rid of your cat for him is a thrower. (As in--THROW HIM BACK.) It was probably unnerving to him that the cat could see right through him even though her idiot owner could not. By the time I got to the part where her dog got so sick that he was no longer interested in his daily Reeses peanut butter cup, I was so sickened myself that I almost threw the book across the room. Is there really any pet owner on the face of the earth unaware that chocolate is toxic to dogs and kills them?! Maybe the cat was lucky to be given away. The dog died. The writing style throughout this sordid tale was irritating, though that seems minor compared to everything else. Every noun is preceded by at least three adjectives as though she is trying to increase her word count. For instance..."My ugly orange swivel chair squeaked." "I went through an entire roll of cheap scratchy toilet paper." There are loose ends throughout that are never explained. For instance, her father refuses to help her out with finding a lawyer, though he is a lawyer himself. She later finds out that her father gave the abusive husband she was trying to divorce $1000, which abusive husband used to hire his own attorney to sue her. Yet up until this point she had a good relationship with her father. What on earth could have been his reasoning? The mother, who is portrayed throughout the book as an abusive alcoholic that they barely tolerate, is transformed at the end to the person who was always there for her. Huh?

[Mary Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship should read this book. Then again, anyone who has ever wondered why women don't leave their abusers should read it.

Steiner is a good writer and shows vividly what it is like to be married to someone who is violent. I was into this story from the first page and read it in two days.

[Maya Smart · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Crazy Love” by Leslie Morgan Steiner is a personal history of abuse with a social mission of redemption. Steiner recounts a series of harrowing milestones in a relationship gone wrong, illuminating why she and so many others stay with violent partners–and how friends, family, bystanders can help.

Addressing the reader directly, she writes: “If I were brave enough the first time I met you, I’d try to share what torture it is to fall in love with a good man who cannot leave a violent past behind. I’d tell you why I stayed for years, and how I finally confronted someone whose love I valued almost more than my own life. Then maybe the next time you came across a woman in an abusive relationship, instead of asking why anyone stays with a man who beats her, you’d have the empathy and courage to help her on her way.”

By that measure, “Crazy Love” succeeds. Steiner’s straightforward account of four years of abuse would make even the hardest-hearted person more aware of the emotional, physical and financial risks of severing ties with an abuser. And that understanding might spur readers’ responses when lives are on the line.

I know I won’t soon forget the attacks Steiner described. The cold muzzle of a fully loaded Colt .45 bruising her temple. Bits of onion and meat smacking her face and her hands on the steering wheel, remnants of a Big Mac thrown in protest of her driving. Hands choking her as he mouthed the words “I…own…you.”

Beyond the blows and humiliations, I’ll remember Steiner’s loyalty beyond reason and the failure of so many friends, family members and institutions to intervene. It took years of “experiments” in both fighting back and submitting for her to conclude that nothing she did made him hit her and nothing she did (short of leaving) made him stop. I’ll remember how her desperate calls for help were denied by a busy signal at the domestic violence hotline and the prescription for tranquilizers her therapist proffered instead of an evacuation plan.

This account of violent episode after violent episode educates the reader about warning signs and legal remedies, but Steiner’s character–her unique pedigree and persona–instruct as well. I was challenged by her account because she wasn’t particularly likable. Her poor-little-rich-girl tales of self loathing, drug abuse, and anorexia didn’t resonate. I found it hard to care about a character so attached to appearances and her Waspy Ivy League heritage.

When she first meets Conor, her soon-to-be abuser and husband on the subway, she tries to impress the stranger with references to her “high-powered father” and weekend jaunts to Vail. Later, she makes statements like, “my grandfather was the only Harvard senior in the class of 1929 who owned two sports cars.” She takes money from her trust fund to buy her own engagement ring because she doesn’t want the “diamond chip in a cheap gold setting” he’s likely to buy.

My negative reaction to her on the page prompted me to consider the barriers to empathy (and help) that victims of domestic violence encounter in real life. Personality, privilege, poverty [how about adding this, or even more — ?] and so many other factors color our responses to victims. Yet a victim is a victim is a victim, regardless of outsiders’ assessments of their resources or personal failings. And Steiner wasn’t a character. She was a person in desperate need of help.

In this way, “Crazy Love” reminded me that even when it looks like someone has the financial or other resources to leave a bad situation, the victim must be lacking other resources–the conviction, knowledge or support [also confidence?] to break free. Someone can be obnoxious and worthy of help. Someone can be well-connected and in need of support. And our sympathy and intervention shouldn’t be reserved for more perfect victims–people who fit our preconceived ideas about need, suffering, worthiness.

This riveting account of a years-long journey to acknowledge and end an abusive relationship bravely answers the question: Why would a woman stay with a man who hurts and threatens her? It leaves readers to ponder a crucial related question: How can we build the empathy, insight and courage required to help, rather than judge, victims of such violence.

[Knotty · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book really irritated me. I appreciate that the author wrote about her struggles being in a physically abusive relationship. I have never been (nor will ever be) in an abusive relationship plus I have never had terrible self-esteem issues so I read this as a case study of sorts. I cannot really comment on the abusive husband, Conor, since he is just despicable as can be assumed. Also, I thought it was bizarre that the author completely skewed the information about her parents in this book. Her mother is written in the beginning as an alcoholic WASP with a venomous tongue since she called her "the Washington Whore." (Well, if you are 13 and completely drugged out having sex, then I think this is accurate.) Also, aren't all WASPs alcoholics? Then her father is portrayed as career-driven who is more focused on his job than being with his daughter through important points of her life. She always resents him for this but she has a closer relationship with him since he never verbally hurt her feelings. At the end of the book once Leslie decides to divorce Conor for almost killing her, her mother becomes her close confidante who has "always been there for her." The father for some CRAZY reason gives Conor $1000 for legal counsel even though HE TRIED TO KILL HIS DAUGHTER. Ok, wtf? The most horrible thing for me to read was about the only likable character in the book which is their dog, Blue. I can't believe that someone with a Harvard education missed the memo that dogs are POISONED by chocolate. Needless to say, this book has taught me many things. a) Even people who are doing lots of drugs and boozing can get into Harvard. Why didn't I do this? b) Even people who go to Harvard have no common sense whatsoever. c) Don't marry a guy that chokes you during sex while saying "I Own You and d) Thank God that you had amazing parents cause even though this girl came from wealth and education, she didn't have the strength to tell them about her problem. It's definitely a rough book to finish.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's a lot of shame in abuse. Women feel ashamed to tell someone they stayed in a violent relationship, and men feel ashamed to admit that they allowed a woman to be violent and controlling toward them. Often you hear people say, "I would leave the instant someone put their hands on me". It's not always so cut and dry as you will come to understand by reading Leslie's memoir.
This is a heartbreaking story of falling fast for the wrong guy. It can happen to an uneducated poor single mother on welfare just as easily as it can happen to an intelligent Harvard graduate with the future wide open to them! You think the harvard graduate can easily cut ties with their abuser? Wrong! It's not easy no matter what your econimic standing is!
One thing I wish Leslie would have told more about is the divorce. So many women stay in bad situations becuase of the exact same reasons Leslie was faced with. I would have liked for her to tell us how she got out of paying alimony, and how she rebuilt her life once she left, but who knows she might write another memoir explaining all of this one day?
Leslie is a shining example of how one can recover from an abusive situation, and later find the happily ever after we all crave. Her situation looked bleak, but at the end of the book she tells you that she has cleaned up the financial mess her ex husband left her with, and is now happily married with children!

[Meghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a bit torn about my review for this. Steiner's story is compelling. So compelling, in fact, that I read the book in about one sitting (way past my bedtime too!). I really wanted to see how she would escape the relationship and was also generally curious about her life's path. Yet, I didn't love the book or Steiner's writing, I only liked it.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

I bought this book mainly because I personally find other people’s lives and stories fascinating. With that said, I did not really like it all that well. I thought that the husband was crazy (which is obvious when one is a wife beater) and I found myself routing for the woman to come to her senses and leave his sorry ass to which I am glad she did. However, I did not much care for this woman either! (I am no way condoning the violence towards her) but to me she sounded like the most self-absorbed, uppity entitled person. I found it ridicules her unnecessary thoughts of "not having place mats on her table" like it’s the end of the world. But perhaps the most ridicules was her reasoning on why a cheaper engagement ring meant that her "love was cheapened" and the ring did not represent there "powerful love" that somehow because she is embarrassed to have such a "dinky ring" meant she would be "embarrassed about her love" (I am paraphrasing). Her job alone to be honest made me not like her. she worked for seventeen magazine and she claims girls where "helped" by this trash of a magazine, when studies show that magazines like seventeen and the like are what perpetrate negative body image and feelings of being worthless if you don't own the latest and greatest fashions. I should say that it’s no surprise that this woman thought this magazine was so "great" to young women when all she ever known was that her looks where the most important from her mother and the best advice I assume she received from the woman was "this outfit go's with that shoe".

The real questions this book arises in me, is why we don't teach our daughters how to look out for themselves and not to trust so blindly. There is more to life than teaching your little girl about fashion and makeup, there is no reason why this young woman should think that being choked during sex is ok. There is no reason why a young woman should not be taught how to trust her gut instincts. It struck me as odd that the first time she meets Conor she didn’t want to move to the other seats in the now empty train car because "she didn’t want to be rude and hurt his feelings"...My question is this, what the hell did she owe a perfect strangers feelings if she felt Uncomfortable? And why is it ok for men to learn to assert themselves when facing uncomfort and its "boys being boys" but for a young woman its "rude".

In all its just another story of the same girl with a different name and face. The story is relatable for the most part when young and facing a "blind love" that sweeps you in a whirlwind. However, I don't think it changes anything when young girls are as good as how they look and what they have and not taught how to care for themselves when it comes to self-worth and self-defense against violence. And little boys are not taught how to control themselves like human beings. It’s not "boys being boys" to be violent and have temper tantrums, your human...stop training your boys to be selfish violent mongoloid animals!

[Katie Caporale · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading the author’s second memoir before this book gave me an interesting perspective. Actually, it just made me weary for her. She went from a physically abusive marriage to an emotionally abusive marriage.....I sure hope she is free at this point in her life. I also felt sad learning of her family background, which gave her the amazing strength of sobriety from drugs/alcohol, but did not at all help her understanding of what a healthy marriage entails. While it was horrific and nauseating to read of Conor’s actions, I hope he was able to get the help that could possibly prevent future violence. Again, back to previous books I have read....hurt people tend to hurt other people. This was a gripping tale of young love that took a terrible, terrible turn. Red flags that were ignored in hopes that love would save. What tainted this a bit for me was how often she spoke of being white, blond, and Ivy League educated. I guess it was her way of saying abuse happens across the board but she also singled out other women of color within this book in a manner which I felt was derogatory.....like abuse is more expected across different cultural groups but should not be overlooked in the well to do “WASP” culture that was identified by the author numerous times.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though the pacing of the story was awkward -- focusing too much on unimportant details while rushing through traumatic incidents -- the story itself is intriguing. Leslie reluctantly fell in love with a charming, handsome man whom she soon found she couldn't live without, no matter how much he pushed her away (mentally and physically). She quit a cherry job, left the city she loved and followed him to a rural town where he began abusing her on a regular basis. It wasn't until she found some freedom in graduate school--and he almost killed her during a particularly bad beating--that she found the strength to leave.

I liked hearing Leslie's side of the story, because it shed a bit of light on the question of why do smart, strong women stay with scumbag abusers. However, it wasn't enlightening enough. Her main argument was, "I needed him, so I stayed." Eh... that doesn't really clarify anything.

I feel like she could've done more with this book, that it only reached 70% of its potential. Still, I devoured it in just a few sittings, so it was definitely worth reading.

[Marie Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would advise anyone reading this to just remember that you weren’t in her shoes. Even being in an abusive relationship myself, I sometimes wondered throughout the book where her head was at. Then again, thinking about my own relationship from a third person standpoint, I wonder where my own head was at. It’s a very informative book that truly shows you how the patterns of abuse go. Also the patterns of manipulation. Whether you like her writing style or not, I think it’s something everyone needs to be informed on.

[Beth · Rating 2 out of 5]

Review: https://hiplibrariansbookblog.com/200...

[Catherine Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and will be forever grateful to the author for something she said in one of her online videos. It was something like : "the worst thing you can do to children is to beat up their mom in front of them, while they're standing by helpless". Alleluia! Amen! More people should be saying this and taking more interest in the incredibly damaging effects of domestic violence on children. And she saying this without the actual experience of being a beaten mum with children, because luckily she got out before having any.

I read this book while listening to "Winter Coffee Shop Bookstore Ambience with Relaxing Smooth Jazz Music and Crackling Fireplace" on Youtube, the poignant accompanying music seemed so apt for the initial romance, then the escalating horror of what happened to Leslie, the growing fatality of becoming more "stuck" in her self-made prison, in the nightmare that involved living with a repressed narcisstic violent male acting out unresolved issues from his horrific childhood. She says in the book that she REALISES she really has to get out of the mariage before having children. I am so glad she did!

I gave the book 5 stars for its brutal honesty, the good, the bad and ugly, warts and all, even if there were a few things which might have been easy to criticize as we all seem to love to do lol. The author leaves herself open to enormous criticism but she tells her story as truthfully as possible anyway, even though she is not going to be seen in a good light (especially the dog story or even cat story) or even understood, kudos to her. I also commend the author for her work in bringing to light and exposing domestic violence, explaining why victims stay, the process of entanglement with those kind of males, the "stinking thinking" involved, etc. She is active out there trying to help other women. Give credit where it's due, we need more women like her. I for one would like to thank Leslie for all the work she's doing.

The book certainly helped me understand beaten women a lot more, and why these women feel impelled and compelled to stay. It is so easy to judge and be angry with such women. Fatal attraction is a hell of a lot more complex than we think and I believe any one of us can fall down the rabbit hole of being in an abusive relationship, especially as those kind of "child males" are so sneaky, subtle, shady and hellishly charming in the beginning, they know how to "work" the trauma bond in vulnerable females. Before we judge someone, let's just walk a mile in her shoes. Then we will see that it is not as easy as it looks. Let us remember to practice empathy and compassion before condemning and slamming people.

I learned a lot of interesting things about how the male can draw you in, for example the fatal bonding that takes place when he shares his childhood trauma, how even that can lure you in and make you feel sorry for him, thereby causing you to make commitments before you're really ready. You end up thinking "I'm the only person in the world who will always be there to help him".

The best way to try and avoid such violent and abusive men is to educate oneself on all the red flags (male is over-controlling, over-jealous or possessive, male wants to commit too quickly, male wants to isolate you, male doesn't want you to have male friends (or even female ones), wear short dresses, etc). There are many Youtube videos (search something like "relationship red flags" or "narcisstic red flags" or domestic violence red flags"). Young women and girls today should be informed about the red flags, and young men should be helped as much as possible with coping mechanisms when stressed, anger management tools, etc.

That the author mentions her educational and professional background is not in my opinion grounds for rejecting her and slamming her, don't forget she is also trying to make sense of her "identity" as she narrates her story and it's undeniable that in society we never see enough of women from Leslie's cultural and economic milieu coming out and exposing the fact they were victims. Statistically we get told again and again that DV happens to certain types, it's what we're spoon-fed by the media. So she is just stating what we never get to see.

The book is easy to read and understand, and I feel it's a bit unfair to criticize her writing skills. She never claimed to be a professionally-trained writer, she merely wrote for 17 magazine as a young woman, so to expect great literary skills is beyond the point in my opinion. Isn't it enough her being brave telling her story authentically? I admit sometimes she seems to mention an "unessential" detail (eg. a smudge on a glass) as though unnecessarily padding out the description a bit but it's so seldom done and is harmful enough lol, the reading remains nevertheless very fluid and quick to read, and I don't think a lot of people would actually notice or stop and think "why was that detail in there, was it relevant? lol, you just keep going on with the reading. I realised quite quickly that I could just skip over the odd description or detail that didn't seem to add much to the descriptive scene, the odd detail that could perhaps have been avoided not being indipensable. But to slam the book for that is the height of nitpicking in my view, and not seeing the word for the trees.

I loved the book so much I wanted more, I wanted details about for example the divorce procedure (did she really actually end up having to give him money?), I also would have loved a slowed-down date-by-date account of the courting period, in fact more details of so much more, I also definitely wanted to see a photo of "Conor" (I googled him in vain, before realising of course "conor" was a made-up name). I understood why the author would not share a photo of him anywhere (she explains elsewhere it was also for her own protection), but she gave what she could and did her best in this book and just the fact that writing a difficult emotional book like this would be as if returning to the trauma, to the "scene of the crime". The fact that some things felt skimmed over, especially towards the end or that I was "greedy" wanting more, doesn't extract at all from my "enjoyment" of the book. I'm now learning a little bit more by watching Leslie talk more about her experience in many of the online videos of her.

I do wonder though if Leslie hadn't had that initial erotic dream of Conor, she probably would never have ended up with him, because up until then she'd considered him kind of boring and was happily dating others at the time.

I wish the author all the best, I love her ease with public speaking and her confidence. I hope she writes more warts-and-all autobiographical books, I think her honesty and sincerity is highly commendable, and we need more women like her, not less. She should be encouraged not slammed, condemned or judged.

I don't agree with the condemnatory comments slamming her for doing this or doing that (with some reviewers asking "was she really that thick"?). They actually sound to me like Conor constantly calling her a retard (if they're not calling her a druggie whore alcoholic!) The very fact she came from such a dysfunctional family made her a sitting duck for her wayward youthful years and later for the abuse she received from Conor. This is the very reason why people might feel ashamed to open up and share their real story. We need more of these brutally honest accounts of women's real lives, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, warts and all. Kudos to Leslie, I hope she keeps doing what she's doing and wish her all the best.

This is a link to some unanswered questions from the book by the author:
https://www.domesticshelters.org/arti...

[Nicole*bookaholic* · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to on audio. This was decent. I'm glad she got out.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a tough book to rate. It was definitely a fast read and I was pulled right into the author's turmoil. As with any abusive relationship, it's easy for an outsider (and someone who's never been abused) to think, "how can she stay!? I don't get it!!" Of course I had those feelings, but what was weird for me was that she never seemed to like him all that much. She didn't even want to get married in the first place. I never got that "I can't live without him" feeling that seems to be prevalent in abusive relationships. At one point she calls an expert on abusers (a very fascinating part of the book) and he explains how abusers all seem like "Prince Charming" from the get-go. Well Conor never seemed that way. He was creepy from day 1. And she seemed to feel that way too. So because of that it was very hard for me to see how she got sucked in the way she did, especially since she had access to resources, didn't have children, etc. Nonetheless, I am glad I read this. She was definitely brave to bare her soul like this.

[Shelby *trains flying monkeys* · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm glad that the author told her story. She writes in a way that feels like she is talking directly to you. I felt so bad for her. It seems like she just really had no one to turn to when she needed it most.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chilling story about how bad things can happen to smart women...well written and will resonate with a lot of women who have been in an abusive relationship - whether emotional or physical....

[Emily Talbot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Appreciated how Steiner wrote it as a general romance novel at the start, really depicts how abusive relationships can seem so normal at first.

[我是🌹 · Rating 5 out of 5]

“No one I’ve studied has ever stopped being violent, all at once, for an extended period of time. I’ve seen batterers make a lot of progress toward controlling their anger and expressing it in more productive ways. But I’ve never seen anyone who didn’t regress and beat their partners at regular intervals, even while making significant progress. There is no one I with who I can say, this one is done, he’ll never batter again.” — An Asst. Professor, Maryland college with a focus on Behavioral Psychology of batterers, PhD.

- page 242 (A well-respected opinion; but is this statement entirely true?)

History often repeats itself and often unaware to those impacted.

The author's familial ties to abuse ran rampant and in such a way that she was almost inconclusive as to why her first husband abused her in such an almost instantaneously and readily manner. No afterthought and most certainly no second thoughts involved when it came to the abuse she was seemingly predestined to experience.

That being said, what stands out the most in this memoir is SELF-LOVE. When it is not experienced nor demonstrated in one's upbringing, it can and often does lead to catastrophic events that unfold and sometimes, causing one's untimely death.

Abuse in any form is never okay and should not be overlooked nor tolerated in the slightest's of forms. Here is where self-love comes in. It reinforces your value, protects you from those who deem you as anything other than your true self, and wholeheartedly defends you to the end.

A strong dislike that I had in this memoir was given to that of Leslie’s husband’s use of the word “retard.” It was so casual to him, but gave so much evidence of the immense pain he had to experience, but also the lack of respect and love that he had for himself and ultimately all others.
The words often used by abusers are usually those words that they themselves have become familiar with hearing when referred to describing them and what they (unfortunately) have chosen to believe as true.

Whatever you do, love yourself 100%. And don’t accept anything less from others. You deserve it, period. And that statement applies to any and everyone; both the abusers and the abused.
Real change always starts within you first!

“I could spend a summer without Connor, but not without Blue.” — Leslie’s thoughts about her husband in comparison to her tried and most trusted friend Blue, who just happened to be her dog.

This memoir is worth five "fight for you" stars because sometimes, you are the only one that will fight to make the difference in your life; and especially when it comes to a situation that could ultimately determine your existence within the realms of death and life.

Always choose life and all that gives it to you freely.

[Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crazy love is a book everyone should read. As a victim of domestic violence and now an advocate I found this book depicting violence in a way that will teach anyone read flags and provide hope. Anyone could fall victim to abuse, it isn’t a poverty problem or uneducated... anyone could be abused and stay and that makes this book so important she was an educated woman with a wealthy family. At time it gave me ptsd while reminding me of my strength. Highly recommend.

[Daisy Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

AMAZING. seriously life changing, and kind of got me into a reading streak

[Jeanette Stingley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Crazy Love by Leslie Morgan Steiner was one of a few books about domestic violence that at times I had to put down and regain myself to continue. It is not a bad book at all. Leslie writes in a style that makes you feel as you are sitting right there next to her as she retells her tale of abuse at the hands of her husband. This is what made it hard at times to read because I had been in her shoes. I knew what she had gone through: I had felt the exact same way she had during my almost 5 years of abuse.

Leslie is a prime example that no matter whom you are or where you came from, abuse can happen to anyone at any time. Leslie was in the beginning of her career at Seventeen magazine. She was a Harvard graduate, 22 years old, had a bright future for herself. She met Conor, the man of her dreams as she described him throughout the book, on a subway and they were almost inseparable. He was employed on Wall Street and very successful himself. He treated her as a princess in the beginning of their relationship. As there always is, slight signs that the relationship was not potentially a good one showed early.

Conor grew up with an abusive mother and step-father. Leslie spent her teen years addicted to drugs and alcohol. Troubled past that didn’t mess well for a relationship. Leslie knew what Conor was doing was wrong but she loved him as all victims and survivors claim during the abuse. While reading, you can’t help but get frustrated with Leslie as she allows the abuse to happen time and time again. You will also breathe a sigh of relief as Leslie does when she stays alive after Conor's last attack on her to finally get away from him.

Anyone going through an abusive situation should read this. It will give someone the strength to know if Leslie can get away from the awful things Conor did to her even though she loved him you can get away too. Listen to Leslie read a scene from her book below.

[Melinda Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

After listening to one of Leslie's TED talks last year, she was compelling enough to make me want to buy this book and learn more about her story.

I think that most people would look in to a couples relationship and question the 'why's' when there is domestic violence. Why did it happen? Why did she make the choices she did?

Leslie appears to have put her story to paper so that she could demystify domestic violence. And to make clear that there is no real answer to those 'why's' that you might find yourself thinking.

I found this to be a powerful memoir with very strong messaging. Support people you love and be kind to those you don't know. Offer support, but in ways that promote safe spaces for the person experiencing violence. Don't judge. One of the worst parts of Leslie's book was shaking my head wondering how people in authority or trusted roles (therapists, police) could say the things they say to her. It seems easy to underestimate the strength required to pull oneself out of an abusive relationship.

I found Leslies writing to be informative and easy to follow. There's obviously passages that document the abuse and violence that occurred to her and so I'd heed caution to those who might find this upsetting or believe it to be a trigger. There's also talk of alcoholism and drug abuse, if that's something that you'd prefer to avoid.

As a reader, I appreciated Leslie's clear narration. She didn't set out to shame Conor, or call him all the names under the sun, and I think showing him that tiny courtesy speaks volumes about her integrity.

[Patty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Leslie Morgan Steiner is an excellent author. This book was easy to read and the author's narrative of her thoughts, feelings and experiences realy rang true. I would recommend it for survivors of domestic violence, women currently struggling with an abusive relationship, and those interested in understanding the situation. Each will learn something, as I did. Thank you Leslie for sharing your story!

[Lauren]

Literally so poorly written I could only get past the first 20 pages. I normally have no issue with memoirs regarding abuse, drug use, etc but this is just awful. I feel for her situation but not enough to slog through this awful book.

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book hoping it would answer the question of how a successful and smart woman could remain in an abuse relationship for so long. I am even more confused after having read this book. I did not come away with a favorable or sympathetic impression of the author.

[Derodidymus · Rating 3 out of 5]

a memoir on domestic violence. the abuser was of course a piece of shit. i don't agree with the stereotype that abused women are uneducated, self destructive etc. it all comes down to their childhood dynamics and abuse/experiences. we repeat what we have been through unless we break the cycle. i am glad the author left and was strong enough not to fall for his same tactics a second time. my heart goes to all the women who choose to stay. i hope anyone in this situation finds the strength within to leave the abuse and create a better life for themselves.

what seemed mind-blowing to me was the dog story (she fed him chocolate daily for 3 years or so and then the dog got liver cancer and died). like, you are supposed to do some research before getting a pet.. and also idk inform yourself while having that pet. and how the whole thing was approached left me speechless. no emotion, no guilt, yikes. even a thank you dog for dying cause you were my last connection to my abuser i love you.
????????????
i dont think she discussed once the fact that HER PAST was WHAT most likely caused her to fall for such a piece of crap and what caused her to stay too. instead she had to flex on the level of intelligence and remind us multiple times she's educated. okay?

[Margie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent personal history unveiling the events over a four-year marriage that before the start, drew red flags signaling abuse and domestic violence . A book that should be widely shared in the prevention of domestic violence and that gives hope to those who are feeling trapped and lost.

Also compelling and and eye-opening is the research findings behind the abusers themselves, which help to answer questions about behavioral change and the likelihood of ending the abuse. This is especially important knowledge for victims, family and friends who hold on to a glimmer of hope that the abuse will somehow come to an end over time.

The author shows great courage in publishing very private and disturbing moments that in the end, can help many escape what can be a life threatening experience for themselves and for their children who are also at risk. Highly recommended is the TEDTalk, Crazy Love, which is how I discovered this riveting and must tell story.