Afflicted

by J.M. Snyder

It's hard to understand why some people feel the need to hurt themselves, especially when they seem to have everything they need or want out of life. So how do you help someone bent on a path of self-destruction?

And what can you possibly do when it's someone you love?

This short but powerful story is about a young man who discovers his lover is a "cutter." Simply asking him to stop doesn't solve the problem. As much as he hates to do it, he lays down an ultimatum that will hopefully save their relationship ... and his lover's life.

NOTE: This story appears in the collection, "Best Gay Romance 2009."

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Gay, Short Stories, LGBT, Amazon, New Adult

12 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

An author of gay erotic/romantic fiction, J.M. Snyder began in self-publishing and worked with Amber Allure, Aspen Mountain, eXcessica, and Torquere Presses.

Snyder's highly erotic short gay fiction has been published online at Amazon Shorts, Eros Monthly, Ruthie's Club, and Tit-Elation, as well as in anthologies by Alyson Books, Aspen Mountain, Cleis Press, eXcessica Publishing, Lethe Press, and Ravenous Romance.

In 2010, Snyder founded JMS Books LLC, a royalty-paying queer small press that publishes in both electronic and print format. For more information on newest releases and submission guidelines, please visit JMS Books LLC online.

Reviews

[M'rella · Rating 4 out of 5]

very short. very hurt. very comfort. very sad yet very hopeful. very endearing. liked it very much.

Boys are at the very beginning of their lives, just confessing their love for each other. The story is very hopeful, since there is a good chance a cute but very damaged boy on the cover will be eventually and quite literally saved by his partner's love.

[Anomaly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This may be a short story, but I'm feeling all the pure untethered rage of someone who just read an entire novel full of offensive, insensitive drivel. But before I explain why, I need to make something clear.

MASSIVE TW: self-harm, shaming of self-harm by a loved one, emotional and physical abuse inflicted by the main character on their partner, forced clothing removal with non-sexual intent, demi-publicly forcing reveal of scars without consent, using sexual acts to manipulate one's partner, minimizing the role of mental illness (and mental health) in self-harm

Still here? Absolutely sure you can handle learning more about this atrocity? Okay, but just in case I'm hiding it behind a spoiler, anyway. I'm serious. This isn't one of my triggers, and I still feel sick even thinking about what I just read.

Also, I'm just going to leave a mostly-detached analysis of everything I hate about this story. This isn't because I'm lazy, but rather because I'm so furious that every attempt I made to discuss the story's events in my usual style led to massive amounts of swearing and excessive bolding and italicizing. I've chosen to spare the goodreads community - and myself - from that embarrassment.


The plot of this tale is that the narrating character has discovered his partner's self-harm scars and is overwhelmed with concern. That actually sounded like it had potential to be a heartbreaking story which brought awareness to a very real topic. I figured I'd read this to see how it went because, hey, whatever it's a handful of pages and potentially it could be a rare gem in the sea of utter garbage offered as freebies.

Spoiler alert: it's just another chunk of plastic drifting in the ocean, slowly killing my will to keep trying free books.

Here's a list of the egregious things the main character does, disturbingly not even all-inclusive:

* Physically probing scars on his lover's abdomen and interrogating him about their origin... while mid-coitus.

* Dragging his boyfriend over to a lamp to forcibly inspect scars that were being hidden, despite pleas to stop.

* Demanding that his lover never self-harm again - as if it's a choice and not a sign of being mentally unwell.

* Dragging his boyfriend into a public restroom and forcing him to strip - when he's saying no - to check for self-harm scars.

* Intentionally squeezing fresh wounds tightly, causing pain while berating his boyfriend for making them.

* Publicly interrogating and shaming his boyfriend.

* Forcing promises that self-harm won't happen again then declaring "bullshit" and emotionally stonewalling his boyfriend when given them.

* Using this absolute fucking bullshit instead of telling his boyfriend to seek help or even considering maybe forcing him to get help via contacting a counsellor: "If he couldn’t promise to at least give me warning that he wanted to hurt himself, if he couldn’t help me help him, then I would have to walk away."

* Responding to his boyfriend expressing the depression-fueled thought that nobody would notice a suicide with, "I'd notice. Don't I count?"

On top of those things, this tale portrays self-harm in a very sensationalized, fictionalized manner you'd expect from a "super goffik" livejournal fic in the early 2000s - the kind of ignorant crap kids used to think was cool and edgy, not anything grounded in reality. There's talk of "bleeding it out" - Linkin Park called; they want their lyrics back - and the boyfriend who cuts himself keeps boxes full of razor blades lying around in the open in his shared apartment, even when he's attempting to stop cutting himself. Is it possible someone out there with a mental illness that causes self-harm - or someone trying to stop - might do this or express their reasons in such a way? Sure, maybe. But does it seem even remotely realistic or believable as portrayed here? Hell no.

I also have an intense issue with the notion that love can conquer deeply-rooted mental illness. It cannot. It can help, and it can give a person strength to keep fighting, but it doesn't magically cure the struggle. Knowing someone loves you and cares will not suddenly rebalance the chemicals in your brain and make it possible to stay strong forever - to give up an addiction or other harmful behaviour and never look back. The way this ends makes it seem like the implication given, that if a mentally ill person loves and respects their partner, they'll just... stop being mentally ill by force of willpower. It also seems to imply that abusing someone mentally and physically is okay if it's "for their own good."

I'm too mentally exhausted to point out why that's not okay. We're all intelligent beings, here. Surely we can agree that "please get help from a professional, because this is very dangerous and I'm scared for you" is a better approach than "I demand you get better immediately or I'll leave you" ... right? I sincerely hope so.


In summary: Fuck the abusive main character. I absolutely hate this book story. And to hell with treating mental illness like it's a choice and not something which needs treatment.

[Kelly (Maybedog) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick little read that addresses some of the emotions involved with cutting in some people. The character's reactions were mostly realistic but some were ridiculous. The biggest issue is that the story is way too short. There just isn't enough time to deal with the subject matter. If it had been much longer, I would have easily given it another star.

Happy ending? Yes but barely an HFN.

[Ami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, wow, for a story that is so short (15 pages or so), this one captures the beautiful love that aims to heal. It's touching and tender. For a snippet of a life of a cutter and his wonderful lover, this one is definitely a treasure.

[Mandy*reads obsessively* · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't even know how to describe this one, it's so sad and touching and hopeful and far too short.
It's told from the boyfriends perspective, we don't know his name, just what he feels when he realizes what his lover is doing.
I wish it were longer, to really feel hopeful that things will change and get better , as it is I'm only vaguely hopeful.
This isn't someone these two can really deal with all alone.

[Cara · Rating 1 out of 5]

The abusive main character is so toxic to someone with a cutting issue. It's a horrible excuse for a story.

[Maureen · Rating 4 out of 5]

An extremely stark short about self harm. No names are given here, two young men in college, one discovers the others cuts on his arm and belly. The pain oozing off the other young man is palpable, it's heartbreaking. Besides his promise not to do it again, he does, and that breaks the heart of the other. The ending is bittersweet and sudden, almost leaving us to make our own minds up. Touching work from this author.

[Marker · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

Me gustó la forma en la que el autor abordo el desorden mental de uno de los protagonistas. Y como el otro protagonista estuvo ahí para su pareja, con ese amor incondicional.

[Wonder Tre Reads -Tre Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short read that is filled with so much emotion that will have you instantly connected to these two men. This is a very serious subject and to get a perspective from their eyes even just a taste as we have makes you think deeper about it all. My heart aches for both of them and I want to see where their story leads.

[Elisa Rolle]

J.M. Snyder could make you laugh, like in The Positions of Love series, but when she decides to make you cry, well she does a very good job!

In this short story, less then 15 pages, the two characters don't have a name. They are Lover and Cutter for me. Lover is a good boy, an head to heart boy, I could think at him like an athlete or some other All American boy. And he loves Cutter. Cutter is a shy guy, maybe with some unresolved conflicts in his life, perhaps with his family. He loves Lover, but sometime, in the long hour of night, he is so lonely and he feels a great pain, and he has to exorcize that pain. He cuts himself, hoping that the physical pain helps him to forget the mental one.

Will Lover be enough strong for both of them to save his little Cutter?

A very short story, but you have to read it, it's heartbreaking.

http://elisa-rolle.livejournal.com/23...

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This poignant story written in first-person touched my heart. When you discover that someone you love is involved in a self-destructive behavior, what do you do? How far do you go to help?

JM Snyder really struck a chord with me in this short story with her perceptive take on being there for someone you care about, especially when they are hurting.

[Karen K · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just a short story but so touching and heart-wrenching. I would have loved it if JM had continued it.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first became interested in this work for personal reasons. One of my cousins was a cutter. Although back then (late 60s) we had no name for it and I never had the courage to ask her about it. Back then, such things weren’t spoken of. She was one of the “middle girls” in a family of eight. In my childhood years she always struck me as “the sad one.” I don’t think she ever got diagnosed or got treatment for it and yet she lived a full life before dying of cancer some years ago. But seeing this short on offer for free reminded me of her, again. It made me wonder if and how she’d gotten past this “affliction.”

This is a short story involving two college age guys, one of whom’s “Afflicted” and his lover’s attempts to understand and support him. Today these things are spoken of more. The series Thirteen Reasons Why even featured a story-line involving a “cutter” in the second season. But back in 2010, when this short story was written, this mostly still went un-talked about.

Back in my precocious “Newcomer to New York” days, I attended a creative writing “circle.” The teacher wouldn’t call it a class (but she did collect fees). One week I tried writing a short about two college guys in a similar situation. They’d also become lovers. My solution was to have the more dominant one confront his partner when he discovered the scars, and demand that next time the urge was too great to resist, to cut him instead. I intended it to be a tear-jerker but when we read our work in “the circle” I was pretty harshly criticized for “exploiting something I didn’t understand.” I left “the circle” shortly after that.

This is a very short and moving short story. It’s free and it’s sweet with a promising, if not really a happy ending. I highly recommend it. We need to think about these things more than we do.

[Dan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This takes places somewhere that is thirty minutes outside of Washington, D.C.

The guys are college students, and they are in a relationship.

The action is cloaked in euphemism; almost wonder why she even bothers to include any when it’s A) practically hidden and B) bad…

Guy A is a cutter. Guy B doesn’t like it.

GB tells GA to stop. GA doesn’t.

This book does not handle the topic of self-harm well. At. All.

Awkward. Feels like we’re dropped into the middle of a story, and then whisked away before it can even finish.

Incomplete and inadequate. GB’s callousness is as distressing as the actual self-harm.

No names, dates, or places—uses the gravity of GA’s illness to (try to) do the plot work for her.

[Shweta · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was so beautiful!

*Free on Amazon on Mar 26th 2020*

Here I am holed up in bed during uncertain times, having swooned, cried and smiled in the last 15 mins and thinking that I don't even know the names of these two wonderful MCs. Just wow ..
That's some amazing penmanship. Centred around a hard subject, I love the way the author showed us the helplessness, emotions, love and hope. Highly recommend.

[Daniel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Selfish narrator

There’s a young man dying on the inside and is hurting himself to deal with it. Boyfriend’s response? I’ll leave if you do it again! This is not a solution. It’s just causing further distress and more need to cut. The narrator is honestly making it about himself with his “it hurts me too” comment. He’s not the one hurting so bad that the only way he can handle it is to inflict pain. Like I said, selfish.

[Garth Mailman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Afflicted
J.M. Snyder

Dealing with self-destructive people is a frustrating experience. Why do people use drugs that are known to have fatal side-effects? Or as in the case here cut themselves. Such people tend to soak up attention like a sponge and can never get enough. Trying to help them exhausts the benefactor and wears them out. This is particularly frustrating when dealing with a relative. Those you love the most you are too often unable to help.

[Rina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short story that provides a scratch of insight to the surface of having a partner with mental health issues.

[Kassa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short story has been previously published in the anthology "Best Gay Romance 2009" by Cleis Press. However given the prolific nature of the author, this gem might have passed some readers by so be sure to pick up this re-release if you haven’t read it. A too short look at a powerful topic that is rarely ever broached, this story has a surprisingly romantic and sensual tone even amidst the darker context. This is a wonderful short that easily stands out in the sea of shorter fiction.

Neither characters have names, yet that doesn’t diminish the connection and depth of either young man. They are clearly in college with references to the DC area and dorms, giving rise to the impression of young men still finding themselves. Amid the chaos of classes and life, these two struggle with the ramifications and pain when one is exposed as a cutter. He slices into his flesh, arms and stomach, with thin razor blades. When the narrator discovers the evidence, he’s shocked, hurt, and angry.

The first person narrative is powerful and intimate as the reader follows the boyfriend’s range of emotions. His helplessness and rage at the action along with his confusion and fear. The pain the cutter is going through is bigger than he can understand and he struggles with broken promises and frustration of being unable to help. The deep emotions between both the narrator and cutter are instantly engaging and deeply felt. For such a short story, this certainly packs a punch.

Although the tone is dark with the subject matter, the story itself is not. The contrasting bright sun and vivid descriptions combine with the love between the two to create a very romantic tale. The sensual images of the two young men and the heartbreaking emotions depicted create a great story yet leave the reader wanting more. Be sure to pick up this short offering if you haven’t read it and if you have, read it again.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The first time I saw him naked, I noticed the cuts."

I had read this story before, and was reminded of it when I was getting the links together for the review of One of Us. Afflicted is an powerful story that is difficult for me to read for many personal reasons. It brings me to tears each time I read it. It is powerful and deals with a subject that few are willing to talk about, and even fewer are willing to write about. It is short, even for a short story, at a little over 3,000 words, but is filled with emotional depth and intensity. Anyone who has loved someone that is intent on hurting themselves will understand this story and what the college student feels when he discovers his boyfriend is a cutter.

"I felt helpless in his arms, knowing that no matter how tightly I held onto him, he'd still manage to hurt himself when I wasn't looking. Why he'd do it was beyond me. How could I ever hope to stop something I didn't understand in the first place?"

This story is brilliantly written. There are no names for the two young men. There are the cuts on one man's skin, both fresh cuts and old scars. There are the emotions from both of the students: on one side embarrassment, weakness, shame, sadness, worthlessness and pain while on the other fear, anger, desperation and helplessness. It is narrated by the lover who discovers the cuts. We hear from him as he tries to understand and desperately looks for a way to make his boyfriend stop hurting himself. There is no easy fix when a person is a cutter, and J.M. does not provide one for her characters but what she does give them is hope and faith. J.M. has crafted a story that looks at the depths of love, and the lengths one is willing to go to help the person they love. It is a powerful and thought-provoking story that deserves to be read by everyone.

http://emily83176.livejournal.com/226...

[J.M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my book so I'm not going to write a review.

[Loopy]

self harm - it's bad enough that I have to deal with people like this in real life, I don't need to read about it.

[T.T. Kove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and powerful. Deals with self-harm. This resonated with me, even if it was short. It's the kind of subject I, too, write about. Heartbreaking, but a good story!

[cmbookdiva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad and hopeful.loved it.

[Tailtiu]

Part of the So In Love - Box Set

[Bookbee · Rating 3 out of 5]

What there is is well written but the subject matter really requires a longer book.

[Emma Jaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

A guy finds out his boyfriend is self harming and sets out to save him.
JMS writes two kinds of books, one that make you laugh and ones that make you sad. This is a sad (ish) one. Both kinds have a great deal of sexual chemistry.