Getting a Life

by Helen Simpson

Hilarious, dark, and thoroughly entertaining, Getting a Life proves Helen Simpson to be one of the finest observers of women on the edge. Set in and around contemporary London, these nine stories explore both the blisses and irritations of domestic life.
An ambitious teenager vows never to settle for any of the adult lives she sees around her. Two old friends get tipsy at a small cafe and end up revealing more than they intended. In a boutique so exclusive that entrance requires a password, a frazzled careerwoman explores the anesthetizing effect of highly impractical clothing. And in the mesmerizing title story, a mother of three takes life one day at a time, while pushing the ominous question of whether she wants to firmly to one side.

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction, Parenting, Literary Fiction, British Literature, Book Club, Humor

208 pages, Paperback

First published October 5, 2000

About the author

Helen Simpson is an English novelist and short story writer. She was born in 1959 in Bristol, in the West of England, and went to a girls' school. She worked at Vogue for five years before her success in writing short stories meant she could afford to leave and concentrate full-time on her writing. Her first collection, Four Bare Legs in a Bed and Other Stories, won the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award while her book Hey Yeah Right Get A Life, a series of interlinked stories, won the Hawthornden Prize.

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name. (In particular, the mystery author Helen de Guerry Simpson is a different author.)

In 1993, she was selected as one of Granta's top 20 novelists under the age of 40.

In 2009, she donated the short story The Tipping Point to Oxfam's 'Ox-Tales' project, four collections of UK stories written by 38 authors. Her story was published in the 'Air' collection.

Reviews

[Claire Fuller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dorrie, Dorrie, Dorrie - oh how I empathise with this character. She appears in two stories in this short collection of nine, and if she had been in every one, I would would have given the book five stars. These two stories about her struggles with three young children were so wonderfully written, so true, so heartfelt, the first one made me cry, and then made me text my twenty-year-old son to tell him I loved him. Some of the other stories are great too, some, such as the first, Lentils and Lilies didn't work so well for me. And I suppose one criticism might be that in general these were all about white middle-class women in 'traditional' relationships - where is the diversity? Still, I highly recommend this especially for fathers, and mothers, oh, and everyone.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my sixth collection from Simpson, who only appears to write short fiction. (Have I really now read her entire oeuvre?! That makes me feel bereft.) This was one of my least favourite of her books, unfortunately, because her common theme of frazzled mothers trying to balance parenting with career felt tired. The title story is about Dorrie, mum of three, and this set of characters recurs in the final piece, “Hurrah for the Hols.” Simpson does get the mindset just right:

She had to be thinking of other people all the time or the whole thing fell apart.

I can’t see how the family would work if I let myself start wanting things again, thought Dorrie; give me an inch and I’d run a mile, that’s what I’m afraid of.

The whole pattern of family life hung for a vivid moment above the chopping board as a seamless cycle of nourishment and devoural.

It was like being on holiday with Punch and Judy – lots of biffing and shrieking and fights over sausages.

But I’ve read too many of her exasperated-mum stories at this point. Two here were about female bankers. One, “Burns and the Bankers,” set at a seemingly endless Burns Night supper, rather outstayed its welcome and made overly obvious its message about this being a man’s field. Do read Simpson, but maybe not this (despite the amazing title; in the USA it was titled Getting a Life); I’d recommend Four Bare Legs in a Bed or In the Driver’s Seat (UK title: Constitutional) instead.

Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.

[Cynthia Paschen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the best set of short stories I've read on mothering and its inherent frustrations. The language is sparkly and a total blast to read.

(From "Lentils and Lilies," page 4)"Above her the cherry trees were fleecy and packed with a foam of white petals. Light warm rays of the sun reached her upturned face like kisses, refracted as a fizzy dazzle through the fringing of her eyelashes. She turned to the garden beside her and stared straight into a magnolia tree, the skin of its flowers' stiff curves streaked with a sexual crimson."

On the next page Jade, the teenager above, leaves her fizzy dazzle happiness and runs smack into a panicked mom with a screaming toddler. The little girl has stuffed a lentil up her nose. The mother enlists the reluctant teen's help. Hilarity and much judgement by the disgusted Jade ensues.

The American title of this book is "Getting a Life: Stories." My paperback is the British version. Don't know why they altered the title for Americans, as I consider "Hey Yeah Right Get a Life" an absolutely perfect title for this collection.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first few and last couple of stories were the strongest in this collection, I thought. Those were the ones that showed off her greatest strength: very wittily and powerfully capturing the frustrations/worries/fatigue of raising kids--women practically drowning in the struggle of it, aware of losing themselves in it. Sounds grimmer that it reads, but when it comes down to it, it IS grim...

[Katherine Sunderland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been boring anyone who will listen with quotes from this book all week. Some very lucky people have even had a photocopy of the odd story thrust upon them with fierce instructions to read immediately. Others are going to find it turning up as a birthday present, house warming present, thanks-for-having-me-for-coffee present or any other lame excuse I can think of to spread the joy of this excellent collection of short stories!

This set of tales focusing on mums in various different scenarios was actually published in 2000, but I've only just discovered it. However, even reading it 16 years later, it is still very resonant and perceptive about the lives of mothers. My youngest has just started school so I am beginning to emerge from the world of nappies, toddlers and weaning- although still rooted firmly enough in the world of sleepless nights and tantrums to not have totally forgotten about the more relentless side of parenting. If I had read this collection even a year ago it might have made me weep with despair but, with a little distance from some of the situations depicted, it had me smiling, snorting, highlighting, rereading and nodding vigorously in vehement recognition and empathy. Don't get me wrong, motherhood is a wonderful gift, an amazing experience, I love my children and count my blessings but....it has been hard, gruelling, challenging and a completely life changing experience which has sometimes been lonely and a little bleak. Simpson acknowledges this continuous conflict felt by every parent and writes about it with perception and wit.

I had four favourite stories. "Lentils and Lilies" shows eighteen year old Jade's perceived view of motherhood. She vows never to "be dead inside" or end up "making rotas and lists and endless arrangements" like her mother who is admired by everyone for achieving such micro management of her family when, in Jade's judgmental eyes, she is merely harassed, nagging and frequently unable to get them to school on time. When Jade accidentally gets involved with helping another stressed mother, she has nothing but contempt and disgust for the woman whose house is "like a propaganda campaign for family values.....a fluttery white suffocation of cliches." Yet I have every confidence Jade will become one such woman - after all, I said the same and look at me now......!

I loved "Cafe Society" and if this book hadn't had been published so long ago I would have suspected Helen Simpson of stalking me, especially as the child even has the same name as mine and mentions the "collective intake of breath as everyone turns to stare" which seems to haunt me everywhere I go! This story described the last nine years of my life. It was so entertaining, so sharp and so true. Two shattered women meet for a coffee but the presence of the toddler "precludes anything much in the way of communication beyond blinking in morse." His behaviour was described with such wit and accuracy - the tiny details sprinkled over the narrative like the cocoa power on your latte -creating a brilliant, vivid image of the scene and conveying character and atmosphere with scant, concise remarks. The internal voices of the two women show a more complex and serious reflection on motherhood which is more thought provoking and sad. They leave in a sudden hurry as you so often have to with small children resolving "never again," having exchanged "less than 200 words inside this hour."

In "Hey Yeah Right Get A Life" and "Hurrah for the Holidays" we meet Dorrie whose initial enthusiasm for motherhood is wearing thin as her youngest child begins to leave the toddler years behind and Dorrie is forced to confront what is left of her and her life: "She had broken herself into pieces like a biscuit and was now scattered all over the place." She does nothing for herself, through her "constant usefulness to others she has herself become a big fat zero". Dorrie doesn't know how to put herself first as she feels nothing but guilt if she is not busy with tasks for the family all the time. But at the same time she exhausted and consumed with a sense of inferiority and failure after years of dealing with "tempestuous egomaniacal little people." These stories are perhaps the saddest and most poignant in the collection. Her apathy and listlessness generates huge empathy from the reader as she is a caring, loving, indulgent mother who is bullied by her husband. Simpson writes with sensitivity about Dorrie's depressing plight yet the writing remains full of humour and dry, sardonic comments which will bring a broad smile to your face.

I liked the recurrent theme of Doctors and their apathy for female patients; their sense of disinterest in another neurotic mother. They have the skill to silence a woman before she makes them feel obliged to put her on prozac. Another example of Simpson's skilled observation and shrewd insight.

This collection of stories was so enjoyable - I did not find it caustic or cliched but realistic, authentic and reflective. Simpson's writing is intelligent and accomplished. She is highly skilled at creating characters quickly and adeptly, placing the reader firmly in the centre of a scene quickly and effortlessly. These stories and each of the women will stay with me. I have filled pages of a notebook with quotes that I loved and that meant something more personal to me.

There's a lot to be said for the fact that every book has a totally different impact on each individual. Certain books definitely affect you differently depending on whether you are on holiday, over-worked, emotional, ecstatic or at a particular life stage. I think this is one of these books and I appreciate that it won't appeal to every parent or reader however hard I insist, but I would encourage you to give it a go. It's intelligent, pertinent and funny. Simpson is a gifted observer of people and life. I am off to discover more of her books.

[Sara Holland Levin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful fiction. Puts into words the struggles that women face as mothers, as employees, as partners, as lovers, in a world where men come first.

Much of what Simpson writes about I haven’t experienced, and yet it was so well written that I felt the full range of emotions the characters felt, even when their anger and rage and sadness and excitement weren’t described in great detail.

A series of short stories - all vaguely interconnected - so it’s a quick read. Highly recommend.

[Netta · Rating 5 out of 5]

אחד הספרים המדכאים, הפוצעים והמטלטלים ביותר שקראתי. קצר ואכזרי. נועץ סכין בלב ומסובב אותה כמה פעמים. הלן סימפסון כותבת על אימהות, על אובדן החיים בעקבות הולדת הילדים, על דעיכת הנפש, הזוגיות, הקריירה, על המוות השקט הרובץ בכל בית בפרברים. נכון, לא כל אמא נראית, מתנהגת ומרגישה כך, באימהות יש המון אושר וסיפוק, והזוגיות לאו דווקא מתפגרת כשמגיעים הילדים, אבל איכשהוא נראה שכל אמא תמצא בספר הזה משהו מעצמה, באחת מדמויות הנשים הכל כך ראויות להזדהות, הערצה וחמלה שסימפסון מציירת כאן בכישרון.
אהבתי את הספר ושנאתי אותו בו זמנית. התלבטתי בין כוכב אחד לשלושה כוכבים לחמישה כוכבים. צחקתי מעט ובכיתי הרבה מבפנים. זר לא יבין את זאת.

[Nick Jacob · Rating 4 out of 5]

She's a very funny woman, and although she also wrote Bridget Jones - funny, accessible- this short story selection is instead funny and literary at the same time. Which perhaps shows you can have your cake and eat it. Much loved by Jonathan Franzen too apparently, similar social realism laced with humour, as his work is, i suppose.

[Julia B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of interconnected short stories follow several compelling female characters who are living very ordinary and common lives. The majority of them are very tired mothers. I especially loved the two stories that followed Dorrie, who seems to be a loving mom constantly struggling with her own loss of personhood, the lack of respect and independence that comes with being a stay-at-home mom. I kept fluctuating on my rating for this collection, because — as is common with collections — some of them were real hits (like hits-you-right-in-the-gut-with-an-“oof!”) and others were misses (I was sitting with an incredibly furrowed brow of confusion through the entirety of “Burns and the Bankers” ... Scottish people, please weigh in).

These are great stories about the tribulations of motherhood and of modern womanhood. I personally am not tempted by marriage or childbirth but I felt real understanding and empathy for the characters here. I also really like how the children were written — I feel earnestly creeped out when kids don't talk like kids in fiction. Real-life kids are like slot machines, you don't know what result you're going to get when you start talking to them, and I love how Simpson captures that element. The little ones' dialogue makes some sort of sense but they frequently interrupt themselves with their own outbursts. The teenage girl prides herself on her connection with classical poetry (in the story, all written by men) but has no empathy for the middle-aged women in her neighbourhood. The mothers are tired and struggling with their own childrearing aptitude and vacillating patience. The fathers are oddly disconnected from the emotional membranes of their families, and seem unwilling to understand or empathize with their wives. God! Does it make the nuclear family seem like an intolerable system to live within!

I will say that it got very depressing after awhile, particularly when it came to the husbands. There wasn't a single husband I liked — they kind of blended together, actually. All of them were preoccupied with their careers, mindless of childcare, and quick to anger. Girl ... Dorrie, especially ... DIVORCE. DIVORCE!!!!!

I also wish there were a few more moments of connection between women, like in “Wurstigkeit” (one of my favorite stories, if not my fave outright). But I get the point of a lot of these stories is how isolated these women are, despite always being surrounded by people who need them. And it couldn't have hurt to have slightly more variety in the lives of these female characters, although I did like that most of them tied together because they were living on the same street. It's giving Desperate Housewives, but with less murder.

Am I too nice? thought Dorrie. They even took that away. Nice here meant weak and feeble, she knew what it meant. Nice was now an insult, whereas self had been the dirty word when she was growing up. For girls, anyway. She had been trained to think of her mother and not be a nuisance. She couldn't remember ever saying (let alone being asked) what she wanted. To the point of thinking she didn't really mind what she wanted as long as other people were happy. It wasn't long ago. (“Hey Yeah Right Get a Life,” p. 47)

[Rosamunde F · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very close to home for me - deeply disconcerting, deeply moving all at the same time, an observant and insightful work about the pains and sacrifices and silver linings of early parenthood. Tbh, every story gave me emotional pangs and mirrors at least one mum I know in my life. So perhaps what continuously draws me to this is that it doesn’t attempt to romanticise or create unrealistic lives, the appeal is that it’s too real and I understand how this may not do well with certain women, so love it or leave it.

I remember I read this few years ago the first time and feeling like I know all the characters inside-out. They may be fictional but definitely mirror the real lives, thoughts, and feelings of most mothers with young children. I was looking for stories of motherhood, real and fictional stories because I wanted some emotional connection through literature about motherhood - that’s how I found this book, and I still love it the same even after re-reading the second time recently.


Helen Simpson’s prose is filled with vivid descriptions of the London/ English/ Scottish setting, not in a highly romanticised manner, but just as it is. Her choice of precise verbs in describing the mothers shows that she is an extremely sensitive, sharp and observant writer of human beings and the many nuances of unspoken tension that exist in relationships.

My favourite short stories in this collection are ‘Cafe Society’, ‘Hey Yeah Right Get A Life’, ‘Burns and Bankers’, ‘Opera’, ‘Hurrah for the Hols’. In ‘Hey Yeah Right Get a Life’, the overwhelming mundane details of Dorrie’s life as a mum in her days of early parenthood make her gloriously and painfully realistic it would make you tear up.

This book needs a book club.

[Macy Mckay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book when I first read it - twenty years ago as a new mother. Reading it again as, what, an empty nester, I loved it just as much whilst reading the stories completely differently.
A series of short stories centered around mothers of young children and their struggles to balance work and their relationship with their husbands with child rearing.
Many of the stories are linked, so the mother of the teenager, Jade, in the first story re-appears later as the main character, Nicola, in a separate story. Characters in another story attend an opera visited by Nicola and her husband.
Reading it twenty years later I was surprised at how well the stories have stood the test of time - even in the small details, e.g. we're still worried about air pollution, Heathrow's new runway and Europe (ironically in a story called Millennium Blues which should really have dated it). Reading it as someone well past the early child rearing years, I suspect that things have not improved for new mothers either - I was pregnant pre blanket bans on alcohol for example and before the current anti vax movement.
Yes, in retrospect the stories all feature white middle class women in the south east. Yes, each of these women is her own worst enemy. But it's a furrow ploughed deep rather than wide.
I need to read more from Helen Simpson

[Lucy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. I feel like maybe I’m not in the right demographic to read and relate to this. Perhaps it speaks to women in their 30s who have kids and then have to sacrifice being “career women” to raise their kids, while slowly beginning to hate themselves and their partners - but I kind of hope not. It’s mostly well-written and I love that it centres women and their relationships with themselves and other women, but almost every story seems to offer the same, fairly bleak and sometimes clichéd perspective (all the men in the stories are absent fathers, who think their partners are too “soft on the kids”). Not my jam.

[Kevin Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

A series of subtly interrelated scenes, kind of like Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, except more of a The Things She Carried On About, where she is an unfulfilled white woman of a certain age. I believe it was Tolstoy's cousin, Lucia Dullstory, who cleverly opined that an unhappy British woman is unhappy in her own fashion. I reckon that's so. There's also something a bit Knausgaardian about these revelations except the male toxicity and charm are substituted for low-fat teetering towards tediousness. Now let me get on me bike.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't know...I think it's more me than the book...there is the type of dispossessed person that's fun to read about and then there is the one that's not. For me, this was the latter.

Don't get me wrong - the writing and storytelling in this book by Simpson is tight - I also felt the same way about reading Carver's short stories. Think I'm just too much of a dreamer and need to go back to Henry Miller plopping around for a while.

[Annette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just finished this book and was surprised by some of the little stories, others were a little hard to follow because of the emotions I couldn't follow. Maybe not in a good frame of mind to read this type of book. Loved the feminist views and the real feelings about being a woman with children, working etc.

[Olivia Walsh]

So brilliant - these stories are much darker than some of Helen Simpson's earlier ones and I thought they perfectly captured the claustrophobia of domestic life (within the sphere of white middle class het women). I also liked the fact that she doesn't shy away from expressing the love-hate relationship many parents must have with their children.
Generally just awesome writing.

[Jeni Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not every story was stunning, but they were varied, interesting, and so often perfectly described my feelings, thoughts, perceptions that I can't help but deeply admire her observational powers. The second and final stories were so spot on, it's like she's read my mind.

Love this kind of writing.

[Flavia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could relate to and identify with all of these stories - a multifaceted vision of the contradictory and complex nature of motherhood (and ambition). Stories that have stayed with me days after I read them.

[Lauren Rochford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book did NOT make me want to have kids. It DID make me want to read more short stories, however, so I'll consider it a win. The writing is sharp and funny, incredibly smart, ohmygod just really, really good. Every story left an impression and I need to read Helen Simpson's other books asap.

[Jo Birkett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Aimed fair and square at me, glimpses inside women gritting their teeth & finishing child rearing when they have had enough. Realistic enough to reflect the nice bits too though the husbands are all 2D.

[Jill Dancy · Rating 2 out of 5]

While incredibly well written and easy to read, I really did not enjoy this book. It is billed as a collection of stories filled with wit and dark humor. I found these to be ten of the saddest, most depressing stories I've ever read. Maybe it's just me.

[Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

a beautiful collection of short stories following a simple common theme. Dorrie’s character is truly the beating heart of this book, though there are still wonderful, strong stories throughout. Simpon’s prose is elegant and understated but in a good way.

[Francesca · Rating 2 out of 5]

if you told me this was an elaborate marketing strategy to drive down birth rates I'd have believed you

nonetheless, some stories were good but some were honestly really painful to read, which i presume was the purpose but the result was really just disturbing

[Rossa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection to revisit as it offers more on re-reading. A wry, bittersweet, brutally honest book, timeless in its themes of motherhood, work and relationships.

[Stephen Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

A haunting book. Highly relatable characters and situations...not always pleasant... occasionally sad. But there's an honesty that runs through the whole thing that's strangely beautiful.

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book consisted of short stories in which the main characters were all mothers. It was pretty interesting to read from a mother's perspective how they lose themselves while they give themselves to their children and family. How they don't even have time to think to themselves without their kids needing them for something. How their partners resent them because the kids love them better or they don't have time to get all dolled up for them.

Basically this was an eye-opening read about how selfless mothers have to be and how little I would enjoy doing it.

[jessica]

Not badly written by any means, just not something I could get into right now. Very domestic, about motherhood, nothing I can really relate to at this point in my life. Don't really want to read about how depressing and deflating being a parent can be, thanks. I'm not put off this author completely, and I'm going to keep this collection and perhaps give it another go, but I'm not running out to pick up anything else by her.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of nine short stories was one of six books ‘prescribed’ to me by Nina Killham (www.ninakillham.com), herself a published writer, following a bibliotherapy session I attended at the School of Life (www.theschooloflife.com/melbourne). Being a mother of two young boys, Simpson’s collection of stories which seek to shatter the “conspiracy of silence” surrounding motherhood was a welcome read over the new year and summer period.
Motherhood is clearly the overriding theme throughout this compilation, with time—or the lack thereof—also featuring prominently. Simpson is a delightful wordsmith and her lyrical writing enhances the English locales of her stories and the narratives of her female protagonists, who undoubtedly offer recognisable traits and thoughts to fellow mothers. Simpson gives voice to feelings of guilt and inadequacy which are often unspoken and highlights how mothers feel the need to justify their choices, particularly with other parents, with whom judgement and competition is rife.
Hey Yeah Right Get a Life explores family dynamics, the relationships between husbands and wives, friends, parents and their children and the battle of wills these regularly entail. The decision of whether or not to work after having children and the complications and difficulties of both are explored. Most of the stories are subtly linked, however Millennium Blues, in which a woman witnesses a plane crash and its subsequent wake of destruction, seemed an odd inclusion.
With only the occasional insight from a male perspective or women who aren’t mothers, I am not sure if Hey Yeah Right Get a Life would resonate with those who aren’t mothers as much as those who are. Whilst beautifully crafted, I would be hesitant to recommend this book to readers who don’t have children given the subtleties and nuances of stories which all have an emphasis on motherhood.

[Professor Weasel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book. It definitely made me not want to have kids (particularly the title story and the last piece, which both follow the same haggard family). Simpson's writing is sharp, funny and a pleasure to read. There are some sentences and phrases littered here and there that are real gems. I'm never going to forget "passionless cappuchinos," for example. My favorite stories in this were "Wurstigkeit," about two corporate women going shopping at a high-scale flea market (I really liked what this story was saying about female friendship). "Millenium Blues" also warrants a mention for its appropriately apocalyptic, whacky ending that must have taken a lot of guts to write. I love it, though--when authors just throw CAUTION to the wind. "Burns and Bankers" goes on way too long (perhaps like the party that is its centerpiece) and the first story didn't too much for me--just kind of bland. "Café Society" (story number 2 in the collection), about two haggard mothers trying to have a conversation in a café but failing thanks to their charming toddlers, definitely wins the prize for Best Reason To Use Birth control. All in all I enjoyed this collection but I have a feeling that there's stronger works by Simpson out there. But this collection definitely felt very cohesive and I enjoyed the humor and the focus on women and "women's issues" very much.

[Steven Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I usually find it hard to have a 5 star reading experience with short stories - not enough time to get to know characters or to get invested in lives etc. There were enough things that were just right about this for me though. Firstly was the amazing writing - the prose just melted in the mouth; was lively, captivating and thrilling. Secondly, the content. I have read this collection before about 10 years ago but found this re-read a much greater experience, no doubt due to having had babies and children in that time - the book is largely concerned with the lot of mothers and wives who have passed the 'glory days' and are struggling with the feeling of having already crested the journey of life and feeling you are on the downward trajectory. True, I am a man and men don't come off well in these stories but I live in hope that I am doing better than these men (and that I can sympathise with these women and appreciate their trials reassures me a bit that I am). I feel I know many of these women already and there was so much to recognise in the lives described. And the best thing... the final few lines of the last story was a vindication for all those who have devoted a large part of their lives to their children and with so much truth having gone before, I'm apt to believe in it!