Grant Speaks

by E.V. Ehrlich

In his mock-autobiography, the "real" Ulysses S. Grant reveals the staggering truth behind the Civil War, including his secret identity. Showing why he earned the titles "Savior of the Union" and "Most Infamous Drunk in U.S. Military History", Grant embarks here on a hilariously self-deprecating tour of duty. Whether putting Generals Burnside, Hooker, and Robert E. Lee in their place, speculating on Lincoln's assassination, or listening to foulmouthed General Sherman wax poetic on his various gunshot wounds, Grant offers an amusingly warped perspective on the Civil War -- and a surprisingly poignant view of 19th century America.

Genres: Historical Fiction, Humor, Fiction, Civil War, War, Fantasy

404 pages, Paperback

First published June 15, 2000

Reviews

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wry, sardonic and yet poignant re-telling of the autobiography of General Grant..which apparently has ticked off some thick -as-a-bricks out there who missed the fact that 1)it's fiction and 2) it's intended to be an alternative reality/quasi-fantasy. Yes, much of it is historically true but no, it's not written to seriously malign the good General by (for example) having ribald scenes with Mary Lincoln inserted....this apparently is a book that either you "get it" or you hate it.I personally loved the modern, straight-talking first person Grant, reminiscing about his childhood sweetheart, his failed home life(where he was known as Useless) ,his dopple-ganger Useful Grant whose destiny he believes he has stolen, his friendships with future enemies while he was enrolled at West Point and the homely way he rose to greatness in Lincoln's army(largely due to the complete incompetence of Lincoln's other generals). His best buddy, William Tecumsah Sherman,is an absolute hoot...throwing (perhaps) the anachronistic f-bomb hither and thither as he manically manages to stay in the army and out of the "loony bin," while rising to prominence and finally Marching thru Georgia. Grant's defeat of Bobby Lee and the attendant prestige lands him the ultimate prize, the Presidency, and as we all know, "unconditional surrender" Ulysses was not suited to the scheming, manipulative,money -hounds who used and abused his good nature in the oval office. On the battle field, he knew how to wage total destruction and win...off the battlefield, he found himself a plaything of the robber barons who were fleecing newly industrialized America.What's impressive about this book is the switch from satire and tom-foolery(you gotta love an "off-stage" Abe Lincoln making rude jokes at the expense of his public..."just throw in a few 'fourscores and our forefathers' and ya gottem") to serious insights into human character and the nature of war.When Grant is slowly and painfully dying, he is asked to visit the "last hold out" of the Civil War, a veteran who has been living in a cave because he believes the South won and won't surrender until he hears from the great General himself that its' over; Grant lectures the vet on how the war evolved,who suffered and died and who really, REALLY won....and it's a thinker. Maybe it's that final speech that ticks off those who disliked this book...seems folks really want to believe their wars are all about high-minded rhetoric and noble causes. Let's all pay no attention to that man(men) behind the curtain.

[Jim Benton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't care if it's fiction. It is Grant as he was, or should have been. The made up characters are less bizarre than the historic ones. if nothing else, this wonderful book proves that useless doesn't exist, or maybe it does, but not really.

[Luis C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very good read. A little difficult to follow all of the battles in the various wars. Had some very comical parts.

[Shaggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Entertaining enough. Mostly for the civil war period. 4*

[CaptKirk42 Classic Whovian · Rating 4 out of 5]

"As Congressman Washburne once told me, a lie can walk from Maine to Georgia before the truth has a chance to put on its boots."

Based very loosely on the life and times of Ulysses S. Grant and Grant's autobiography "Personal Memoirs of Ulysses Grant" this book takes it one step farther. During his last dying days Grant decides to set the record straight and admits to being an impostor and living a lie. It seems that when he was a young lad growing up in a small Ohio town there was another young man named Ulysses Grant who came from a more prominent family that was richer and more respected in the town than the youth who would become a great Military leader and U.S. President. To tell the two boys named Ulysses Grant apart friends and family nicknamed them 'Useful' and 'Useless'. Fate takes a wicked turn when 'Useful' Grant is leaving town to head toward West Point, a tragic accident kills his parents and causes 'Useful' to lose his memory. In his confusion he thinks he killed this couple he doesn't realize are his parents and he flees. Seeing this as an opportunity for his 'Useless' son Mr. Grant (a tanner by trade) convinces his less respected good for nothing son to take the place of this other Ulysses Grant. The rest is as they say history.

In his end notes the author mentions that the basic facts of the book historical, personal and military are true, but he of course took some liberties. He also added a few characters, like 'Useful' Grant into the mix of real-life historical people who lived during Grant's time.

Readers of this book should remember it is mostly fiction, even though many of the events Ulysses Grant actually lived through. I would suggest that you brush up on your US History, American Civil War History and the life and times of Ulysses S. Grant before attempting to read this book. It isn't necessary, but it would keep one from getting terribly confused.

Now I'm not sure if he was such a foul mouth in real life, but in this book General Sherman cusses up a storm. I'm not sure if some of those words were used in the 19th century or not.


I reviewed this book in my blog http://klandersen.blogspot.com/ "A Recent Read Number 1".

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is an ingenious, crackling fictional account of the life of Ulysses Grant that incorporates fact, history, and hypothesis so seamlessly you'd swear you were reading Grant's real-life autobiography. It begins with a giant case of identity theft that provides one explanation for why Hiram Ulysses Grant was recorded as Ulysses S. when he registered at West Point, and takes off from there like a Spencer repeating rifle. Familiar characters pop up along the way, including foul-mouthed Cump Sherman, odd duck Stonewall Jackson, Grant's old nemesis Bobby Lee, grim prosecutor James Garfield, Abe Lincoln (who in private with Grant, talks only in inscrutable country aphorisms), and Mrs. Lincoln, who is going bizarrely, lasciviously insane... and, the "real" Ulysses Grant, whose identity was stolen. Not just Civil War buffs will enjoy this book.

[Curtis Smothers · Rating 4 out of 5]

American Civil War history buffs will love this fun fictionalized version of U.S. Grant's memoir that begins with the pithy and sad sentence, "To begin with, I'm dying." Historians know about Grant's famous and wildly successful autobiography, Personal Memoirs of U.S. Grant, but this quirky and hilarious version will have you laughing as well as shaking your head. I've read this jewel twice and intend to read it again. It's a riot!

Read my full review on this book on Helium.com at http://www.helium.com/items/1654165-m... .

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting "take" on Grant's life...the author uses actual events, facts and conversations to weave an alternative "start" to Grant's military career and successive victories in both the Mexican War and Civil War, and then on to his presidency...all narrated by Grant himself as he's writing the "real" version of his memoirs. I enjoyed it quite a lot, especially his vision of William Tecumseh Sherman...quite the bawdy fellow and absolutely hilarious!

[Mike Currier]

Based on Grant's own autobiography, and eye opening look at the Civil War from they eyes of one of the participants. Could not put this one down, and was taken back by some of Grants own admissions. If you're a history buff, this one is a must read!

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

For January book club

[Skyelr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so funny and amazing! Although it's not a real historical work per say, it had a lot of good information about one of America's finest.

[Hikerdon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very entertaining book. Author uses fact and fiction very well. Most of the time I thought Grant was talking. I had a good laugh a number or times during the reading or this book.

[Beverley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Style wise--Mark Twain. Very droll.

[Ronn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not so much alternate history as a 'real story' tell-all [with lots of fiction involved]. Well written, moves along nicely, and very enjoyable.