Fitting In Is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider

by Leonard Felder

To thine own self be true. But can you do that while still being a valued part of the wider community? Or must you always sacrifice your own inclinations and desires to fit in? For anyone who has ever felt like an outsider at work, in groups, in school, or even in your own extended family, help is on the way. Bestselling author Leonard Felder, PhD, has written the first book with advice on how to be successful personally and professionally when you think differently, live differently, create differently, or solve problems differently than those around you. 
This wise and perceptive guide is neither about withdrawing into isolation and passivity, nor about spending every waking hour battling with others. Rather, it’s about choosing wisely when to speak your truth and saying it in a way that gets positive results. Dr. Felder shows exactly how creative, thoughtful, unique individuals can survive and thrive in situations that used to make them shut down or retreat into a shell. He provides actual examples from his own practice and precise techniques that will assure your good ideas, outsider perspective, and innovative solutions are respected and taken seriously, even by rigid people. 
Both inspiring and practical, it offers soothing balm and useful answers for everyone who heard too often during adolescence or young adulthood that “you just don’t fit in”—and for the ones who love and counsel them, too. Even more important, it reveals how the very qualities that made you different can become your greatest strengths and most important gifts to the world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Relationships

224 pages, Hardcover

First published October 7, 2008

Reviews

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 2 out of 5]

Useless psychological pablum from someone who has never really been an outsider.


For pufferfish, motherly love means slathering babies in deadly toxins

Let me give you the straight dope, courtesy of Chairman Bruce.

“Forget trying to pass for normal. Follow your geekdom. Embrace nerditude. In the immortal words of Lafcadio Hearn, a geek of incredible obscurity whose work is still in print after a hundred years, “Woo the muse of the odd.”

You may be a geek. You may have geek written all over you. You should aim to be one geek they'll never forget. Don't aim to be civilized. Don’t hope that straight people will keep you on as some sort of pet. To hell with them.

You should fully realize what society has made of you and take a terrible revenge. Get weird. Get way weird. Get dangerously weird. Get sophisticatedly, thoroughly weird, and don't do it halfway. Put every ounce of horsepower you have behind it.

Don't become a well-rounded person. Well-rounded people are smooth and dull. Become a thoroughly spiky person. Grow spikes from every angle. Stick in their throats like a pufferfish.”

[Peter Geyer]

I got this book because it didn't cost much and I can relate to being an outsider. I was also curious about how the topic would be treated.

I found out pretty quickly that this book wasn't for me. I felt patronised and mollified., as though my life and life experience needed counselling. Maybe it would have been more accessible/acceptable if I were much younger.

Being an outsider means a whole lot of things. Sometimes you find yourself on the periphery because that's where you feel most comfortable, but would prefer to be withoput admonishment and stereotyping.

I have no idea whether anyone would find this of benefit; I presume there will be someone, and that will be a good thing.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm going to hang on to this book for a while. Some good simple ideas, but the diversity of content makes it a very useful book. I'm also going to look at other books the author has available... his writing makes challenging subjects very approachable.

[Marcia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this an interesting book. I think most of us have had the feeling of being an outsider at times. I liked what the author had to say. Sometimes we are just not going to fit in and this is OK. I thought the chapter on families and how to cope when you don't fit into the structure of your own family was an interesting one. I also liked the message that we all have to have two ideas in our heads at the same time. One idea in our head is that we are strong and can do anything and another that says we are all human and can only do so much. Push yourself but give yourself a break as well. I would be curious to read other books by the author.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Felt a bit pedantic, but with good intentions. Challenging people will always surface and embracing your own strengths helps you overcome. Reach out to others in similar situations and you can build your own supportive network.

[Lana Brooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different angle on looking at things. I liked it.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok, but the author's approach was not useful for me.

[Audrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confirming the components and psychology needed for cliques, and the outsiders.