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ʔbédayine
In Edmonton, Ronnie learns what it is to be a young Indigenous woman, almost-alone in the city; unable to hear herself over its noise, see through the glare of its lights to find the ground beneath her feet. Stories of addiction, self-discovery, and the love of a good friend come together to form ʔbédayine, Kaitlyn Purcell's breathtaking debut.
88 pages, Paperback
First published October 11, 2019
6 people are currently reading
140 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
February 4, 2023
liked the authors writing + cool layout like chapters but also felt like prose poems but also mixed with actual poems (?) !
November 13, 2019
Really into the tone and language in this book. It has the intensity of "A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing" mixed with Otessa Moshfegh (maybe?). Hard to put my finger on the books it evokes.
March 16, 2020
This is how Kaitlyn Purcell writes about drugs:
”I wake up in an echo. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I don’t know when I lost control, or how many days I’ve been on E. I’m coasting through the work week: autopilot pill-poppin’ child. I’m so high. But today I wake up and the world is an echo. At work, it’s all a blur behind a blur. I assume it’s my drug habit, or how much I may have forgotten to eat. No need to tell me what I already know. I remind myself that I don’t care if I die. Better to die beautiful, right?
I leave work and I’m not sure where I am. Granite is made from the heart of my habit, infinite fractals of methylphenidate and amphetamines. I break bottles on the sidewalk.
Exctasy, where were you?
Deja vu destiny.”
This is how Kaitlyn Purcell writes about sex:
”I let his mouth lead mine into achy legs, vibrating goosebumps from inside my ovaries to my inner thighs, like magenta melted over laguna blue. He is so beautiful, with his slutty arrangement of thick hairy trucks and twisting roots around my smooth birch branches. Arms through arms. The art of his shoulders sings into me like bees feeding on lilacs.* I’ve been stung so many times before. I wonder if he will ever love me the way I smell the lilacs. Or that smell before rain. I can smell it now and I cry joy and dig my nails into his back. The air moves so quickly between us.
I always knew I was a tornado in a past life.”
Yet another reminder: if the book says “Metatron” on it, put it back on the shelf.
* This might be the worst sentence ever composed in English.
”I wake up in an echo. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I don’t know when I lost control, or how many days I’ve been on E. I’m coasting through the work week: autopilot pill-poppin’ child. I’m so high. But today I wake up and the world is an echo. At work, it’s all a blur behind a blur. I assume it’s my drug habit, or how much I may have forgotten to eat. No need to tell me what I already know. I remind myself that I don’t care if I die. Better to die beautiful, right?
I leave work and I’m not sure where I am. Granite is made from the heart of my habit, infinite fractals of methylphenidate and amphetamines. I break bottles on the sidewalk.
Exctasy, where were you?
Deja vu destiny.”
This is how Kaitlyn Purcell writes about sex:
”I let his mouth lead mine into achy legs, vibrating goosebumps from inside my ovaries to my inner thighs, like magenta melted over laguna blue. He is so beautiful, with his slutty arrangement of thick hairy trucks and twisting roots around my smooth birch branches. Arms through arms. The art of his shoulders sings into me like bees feeding on lilacs.* I’ve been stung so many times before. I wonder if he will ever love me the way I smell the lilacs. Or that smell before rain. I can smell it now and I cry joy and dig my nails into his back. The air moves so quickly between us.
I always knew I was a tornado in a past life.”
Yet another reminder: if the book says “Metatron” on it, put it back on the shelf.
* This might be the worst sentence ever composed in English.
January 2, 2024
This book captures a very specific Edmonton energy that I’ve never seen in a book before. It is was a stunning, emotional and graphic read that carried me away into Ronnie’s world. Poems and prose coupled with short stories and character reflections make this a unique read that defies categorization. I loved it!
November 17, 2022
Skoden Readathon 2022 | Poetry
October 28, 2024
3.75
An intense and vulnerable novella about a young woman trying to discover herself while navigating addiction, trauma, friendship, and more.
An intense and vulnerable novella about a young woman trying to discover herself while navigating addiction, trauma, friendship, and more.
December 17, 2019
This book is absolutely stunning with its brutal honesty and sparse prose.
January 20, 2020
Pfiou...
Lire ce livre, c'est accepter de se brûler les rétines tellement la lumière qui jaillit de la noirceur est puissante et scintillante. Kaitlyn Purcell arrive à jouer avec grâce avec les mots, elle les fait entrer en collision pour en faire surgir des images indélébiles. Des images pleines de poésie, qui représentent tellement bien comment la vie peut se montrer parfois si surréaliste qu'on finit par l'aimer toute entière sans plus se poser de question. Ce livre m'a jetée au sol autant qu'il m'a permis de me surélever.
La fin est un coup de poing autant qu'un cri délivré, long, fort, poussé à s'en crever les poumons, jusqu'à ne plus avoir de souffle avant d'aspirer l'air d'un grand coup et de se sentir plus vivant.e.
Je vous souhaite de telles lectures pour l'année qui débute. Et si possible, je vous souhaite de faire la connaissance de la plume de Kaitlyn Purcell, si ce n'est pas déjà fait, et de vous en délecter.
Maybe I should be so full of myself that I float to the moon. Should I love her more that I love myself? Or is it that the more I love myself, the more I will become able to love the world? Can I fill myself with so much love that there's no longer room for anything else inside me? So full of love, will I really float away? Or will my love for the world sink roots in to keep me here?
Why am I so concerned?
Lire ce livre, c'est accepter de se brûler les rétines tellement la lumière qui jaillit de la noirceur est puissante et scintillante. Kaitlyn Purcell arrive à jouer avec grâce avec les mots, elle les fait entrer en collision pour en faire surgir des images indélébiles. Des images pleines de poésie, qui représentent tellement bien comment la vie peut se montrer parfois si surréaliste qu'on finit par l'aimer toute entière sans plus se poser de question. Ce livre m'a jetée au sol autant qu'il m'a permis de me surélever.
La fin est un coup de poing autant qu'un cri délivré, long, fort, poussé à s'en crever les poumons, jusqu'à ne plus avoir de souffle avant d'aspirer l'air d'un grand coup et de se sentir plus vivant.e.
I drift into sleep, begin to dream: The world is turned inside out. Our solar system has rearranged itself. The earth sits in the orbit where Uranus was. We stole its moon. One moon chases the other as they drift across the sky. Cold air swallows us. Heavy snow. The sun is too far to feel it on our skin. A famine for wildflowers. The world is going to end.
Why is the world always funking ending?
Je vous souhaite de telles lectures pour l'année qui débute. Et si possible, je vous souhaite de faire la connaissance de la plume de Kaitlyn Purcell, si ce n'est pas déjà fait, et de vous en délecter.
When I wake up, he is gone. But I'm still searching for his eyes, the ones that spoke about the love he never got as a kid.
January 3, 2026
Not sure what to write about this one. Very much different than other books I read. I often find it hard to read about the spirals of being high - this tale intersperses those moments with dream-telling and you just have to lean into the confusing aspects.
November 21, 2019
This book is gripping. Ronnie’s voice is so strong, clear, and real. You don’t just read this book, you experience it. Essential reading and one of the best books of 2019.
August 8, 2020
I saw someone taking part in the ReadEhThon was reading this collection and thought I'd give it ago. The audiobook was available on Scribd and as it's read by the author herself, I picked it up immediately.
I am not usually a huge fan of poetry but this was written in such a visceral way that I couldn't help but become absorbed. Covering topics of addiction, drugs, sex, consent and self discovery, Kaitlyn Purcell explores aspects of what it's like for some indigenous people in Canada. Her narration was soft and haunting despite discussing such difficult topics.
Overall I'm really glad I picked this one up and will be looking out for whatever this author publishes next.
4 out of 5 stars!
I am not usually a huge fan of poetry but this was written in such a visceral way that I couldn't help but become absorbed. Covering topics of addiction, drugs, sex, consent and self discovery, Kaitlyn Purcell explores aspects of what it's like for some indigenous people in Canada. Her narration was soft and haunting despite discussing such difficult topics.
Overall I'm really glad I picked this one up and will be looking out for whatever this author publishes next.
4 out of 5 stars!
March 13, 2025
ʔbédayine is perfect, a subjective expression delivered in prose-poetry that brings me into the soul of another. it’s a blurry coming-of-age, perspective frosted by intoxicants, alienation, and the edmonton cold.
it’s the best kind of book i find when i’m traveling; unlikely to be found in the usual spots, telling a story that couldn’t be told here with such poetry and precision that it expands my perspective and fills me with wonder re: the lives of others.
it’s the best kind of book i find when i’m traveling; unlikely to be found in the usual spots, telling a story that couldn’t be told here with such poetry and precision that it expands my perspective and fills me with wonder re: the lives of others.
October 31, 2022
I wanted to rate this 4 stars until I got to the ending. The last couple pages tie everything together giving the reader the most satisfying breath of air. I have to say being an Edmontonian it was a little unsettling to be able to place Ronnie everywhere she was within proximity to my life, but it made the experience so much better.
March 1, 2020
I loved this book. It was poetic, heavy, and it managed to draw this bubbling tar like trauma out of my soul. I'll need to read it again.
August 8, 2020
What an amazing read! The story and then poetry throughout was incredible and I could picture every scene. The ending was perfect. I would definitely recommend this.
July 10, 2021
This is an absolute must read!! A beautiful, deep, and moving collection of poems.
February 8, 2022
ENGL 216
Truly amazing! Parallels to "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg
Truly amazing! Parallels to "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg
August 29, 2022
Gorgeous, had me from the first page. I love a book that starts with power and ends with power. Kaitlyn is incredible, what a beautiful book.
September 19, 2023
Go Ask Alice, lite.
September 29, 2025
read for a class. reminded me a lot of go ask alice
February 16, 2026
Everyone says this is a book about “discovery”… unfortunately I didn’t see it and all I got was pretentious writing about drugs and sex where none of the characters learned or grew from their experiences. It’s more a portrait than a story.
December 23, 2019
This collection deals with a lot of tough subject matter – poverty, addiction, assault, and while it sometimes is addressed rather poetically, the author also switches up styles throughout and writes about these topics quite graphically. Rather than disconnected short stories, these actually all form one narrative following the life of a young woman and for the most part seem to take place in a relatively short period of time (a couple months maybe).
There are some parts in this narrative that are left out, like changing relationships, falling in and out of addiction – some transitions that aren’t fully detailed besides minor flashbacks. I felt a little confused in understanding fully what had happened but there’s enough in these stories that you don’t need all the details.
It’s a very strong collection, while being difficult to read, and I think very honest as well based on the author’s bio. My favourite stories were the ones that built off of each other but through different tones – with a couple of them, she tells the same part of the story but through different perspectives, different levels of sobriety and awareness. Those were really interesting to read for the contrast and how such a simple description could be so different with those subtle changes.
There are some parts in this narrative that are left out, like changing relationships, falling in and out of addiction – some transitions that aren’t fully detailed besides minor flashbacks. I felt a little confused in understanding fully what had happened but there’s enough in these stories that you don’t need all the details.
It’s a very strong collection, while being difficult to read, and I think very honest as well based on the author’s bio. My favourite stories were the ones that built off of each other but through different tones – with a couple of them, she tells the same part of the story but through different perspectives, different levels of sobriety and awareness. Those were really interesting to read for the contrast and how such a simple description could be so different with those subtle changes.
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews