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Captive: A Poetry Collection on OCD, Psychosis, and Brain Inflammation
'I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.'
Captive, Madeline Dyer's first poetry collection, is based on the therapy writings she produced when she was experiencing psychosis and OCD due to Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis, a rare type of brain inflammation caused by the immune system attacking the brain. While her communication skills and cognitive abilities diminished due to the effects of the inflammation, she was able to share her thoughts and emotions via the written word, a process that gave her great comfort when she otherwise felt possessed.
Captive provides readers with a glimpse of her tormented mind during this dark time of loneliness, loss, and fear.
PRAISE
"Madeline Dyer's poetry collection, Captive, is an invitation to the reader to consider the cost of physical illness on the mind and spirit. The poems are a conversation between the speaker, the outer world, and her inner sometimes beetle, sometimes monster, sometimes friend, of her mind. Dyer's speaker, who sees herself as one "among all the crying girls" speaks mantras in triplicate and escalating parallels, pausing over the heartbreak of good days, the desire to touch and be touched, and the agony of it all."-- Sherre Vernon, author of The Name is Perilous and Green Ink Wings.
"Brutally honest and brilliant, this collection takes the reader through the experience of living with a crumbling mind. From the first unexplainable visions to the fight within, and the constant struggle to be heard, Dyer's poetry is a cry out to the world suffused with raw emotion. A captivating and eye-opening experience."-- S.E. Anderson, author of the Starstruck Saga
Captive, Madeline Dyer's first poetry collection, is based on the therapy writings she produced when she was experiencing psychosis and OCD due to Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis, a rare type of brain inflammation caused by the immune system attacking the brain. While her communication skills and cognitive abilities diminished due to the effects of the inflammation, she was able to share her thoughts and emotions via the written word, a process that gave her great comfort when she otherwise felt possessed.
Captive provides readers with a glimpse of her tormented mind during this dark time of loneliness, loss, and fear.
PRAISE
"Madeline Dyer's poetry collection, Captive, is an invitation to the reader to consider the cost of physical illness on the mind and spirit. The poems are a conversation between the speaker, the outer world, and her inner sometimes beetle, sometimes monster, sometimes friend, of her mind. Dyer's speaker, who sees herself as one "among all the crying girls" speaks mantras in triplicate and escalating parallels, pausing over the heartbreak of good days, the desire to touch and be touched, and the agony of it all."-- Sherre Vernon, author of The Name is Perilous and Green Ink Wings.
"Brutally honest and brilliant, this collection takes the reader through the experience of living with a crumbling mind. From the first unexplainable visions to the fight within, and the constant struggle to be heard, Dyer's poetry is a cry out to the world suffused with raw emotion. A captivating and eye-opening experience."-- S.E. Anderson, author of the Starstruck Saga
- GenresPoetryNonfiction
87 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 14, 2020
87 people want to read
About the author
Madeline Dyer
31 books266 followersMadeline Dyer is a Lambda Literary Award finalist. A novelist, poet, and anthologist, she is drawn to all things dark, spooky, and scary.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
December 16, 2019
This is one of the most raw, unflinching and frankly terrifying books I have ever read.
Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis is a rare type of brain inflammation which in Madeline's case presents itself as OCD and psychosis. This poetry collection is based on therapy writings she made when her communicative skills were lessened due to the disease's effects.
Not only was her mind fighting her from inside out, but doctors she saw diminished her pain by not believing her. If you can't see it, they're obviously just overreacting right? Unfortunately this happens constantly to people suffering from mental illness all over the world. Although awareness is growing, especially in developed countries-many developing countries, as well as not, still carry a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. This was only accentuated by the fact that Madeline's condition was very rare and so not many people knew the symptoms or how to treat the root cause.
“I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.”
This collection was immersive, giving you a glimpse into her mind for a mere 60 pages. However in those 60 pages I learnt more about living with OCD and psychosis than I have from researching online. Captive is an apt name for this book, as a recurring theme is her feeling captive to her 'monster'. Her mind. That thought is terrifying, as it is one thing to feel unsafe due to outside factors but a completely other experience when that monster is inside you. Is you. Constantly living with the fear, the claustrophobia, the pain. It is impossible to imagine unless you have experienced it yourself, but Madeline's poetry provides something very close.
"and the air is so bad
I cannot breathe it in
and it must not fill my lungs
and it mustn't, it mustn't, it mustn't"
some of my favourite (favourite sounds like the wrong word, but you know what I mean) poems included:
The monster often manifests as OCD
Things I want to say
Things my OCD tells me every day
When I can't cope, I am scared
Men in white coats
Don't
A letter to my monster
I would like to leave off by including part of the poem "Don't". Even if you do not end up reading this collection- I think this is so important for everyone to understand. OCD is not just wanting things to line up, be clean and in place. By calling yourself or others 'OCD' you are trivialising an issue that many people have to constantly struggle through.
"I beg of you
with frozen hands
because you can't see me
the struggle I'm going through,
how strong I am,
and you belittle me
and thousands of others
who are slaves to their monsters
with your words
just a joke, you meant
but it's not a joke
and I am ashamed
and I am crying and trying to escape
the prison that you jokingly
call yours"
If you think you are in the right mental state to read something this dark and real, I would recommend it just for the fact that it allows you to empathise more deeply and understand. After all, ignorance is the root of evil.
thank you to the publisher and net galley for providing me with an ARC of this collection!
Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis is a rare type of brain inflammation which in Madeline's case presents itself as OCD and psychosis. This poetry collection is based on therapy writings she made when her communicative skills were lessened due to the disease's effects.
Not only was her mind fighting her from inside out, but doctors she saw diminished her pain by not believing her. If you can't see it, they're obviously just overreacting right? Unfortunately this happens constantly to people suffering from mental illness all over the world. Although awareness is growing, especially in developed countries-many developing countries, as well as not, still carry a stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. This was only accentuated by the fact that Madeline's condition was very rare and so not many people knew the symptoms or how to treat the root cause.
“I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.”
This collection was immersive, giving you a glimpse into her mind for a mere 60 pages. However in those 60 pages I learnt more about living with OCD and psychosis than I have from researching online. Captive is an apt name for this book, as a recurring theme is her feeling captive to her 'monster'. Her mind. That thought is terrifying, as it is one thing to feel unsafe due to outside factors but a completely other experience when that monster is inside you. Is you. Constantly living with the fear, the claustrophobia, the pain. It is impossible to imagine unless you have experienced it yourself, but Madeline's poetry provides something very close.
"and the air is so bad
I cannot breathe it in
and it must not fill my lungs
and it mustn't, it mustn't, it mustn't"
some of my favourite (favourite sounds like the wrong word, but you know what I mean) poems included:
The monster often manifests as OCD
Things I want to say
Things my OCD tells me every day
When I can't cope, I am scared
Men in white coats
Don't
A letter to my monster
I would like to leave off by including part of the poem "Don't". Even if you do not end up reading this collection- I think this is so important for everyone to understand. OCD is not just wanting things to line up, be clean and in place. By calling yourself or others 'OCD' you are trivialising an issue that many people have to constantly struggle through.
"I beg of you
with frozen hands
because you can't see me
the struggle I'm going through,
how strong I am,
and you belittle me
and thousands of others
who are slaves to their monsters
with your words
just a joke, you meant
but it's not a joke
and I am ashamed
and I am crying and trying to escape
the prison that you jokingly
call yours"
If you think you are in the right mental state to read something this dark and real, I would recommend it just for the fact that it allows you to empathise more deeply and understand. After all, ignorance is the root of evil.
thank you to the publisher and net galley for providing me with an ARC of this collection!
December 14, 2019
Before you read this poetry collection it's essential that you take some time to understand Madeline Dyer's condition: Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis - an inflammation of the brain which causes neuro-psychiatric symptoms. In Madeline's case this manifests as OCD and psychosis, and she has created these poems to demonstrate the terror she felt, trapped inside her own mind with no way to communicate her fear.
I can't capture with words how chilling this collection is. It is erratic, dark and genuinely quite terrifying to imagine that we are reading the thought processes of a person experiencing these feelings as she's writing them; I guess it has that raw, authentic emotion that's hard to explain.
I really appreciated how Madeline Dyer captured some misconceptions about psychosis or mental health conditions. So many people confuse OCD with cleanliness, and she really debunks this. I also like how she uses the concept of a monster borne from darkness who interrupts her throughout her prose between stanzas; this was really clever and I think captures the obscurity and vulnerability of the thought processes and safe space people with mental health conditions struggle with. I really loved this.
I didn't like so much that a number of the poems were quite repetitive. I do think it actually sets the scene appropriately to have repetition, but a lot of themes and words were overused such as, "sand", "darkness", "monsters", "birds"; these came up a lot in many of the poems which lessened the impact of the metaphor for me a little bit.
Nevertheless, Madeline Dyer has created something very unique and confronting with this poetry collection; what a great way to raise awareness and share some of the struggles unknown to many people.
ARC provided free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I can't capture with words how chilling this collection is. It is erratic, dark and genuinely quite terrifying to imagine that we are reading the thought processes of a person experiencing these feelings as she's writing them; I guess it has that raw, authentic emotion that's hard to explain.
I really appreciated how Madeline Dyer captured some misconceptions about psychosis or mental health conditions. So many people confuse OCD with cleanliness, and she really debunks this. I also like how she uses the concept of a monster borne from darkness who interrupts her throughout her prose between stanzas; this was really clever and I think captures the obscurity and vulnerability of the thought processes and safe space people with mental health conditions struggle with. I really loved this.
I didn't like so much that a number of the poems were quite repetitive. I do think it actually sets the scene appropriately to have repetition, but a lot of themes and words were overused such as, "sand", "darkness", "monsters", "birds"; these came up a lot in many of the poems which lessened the impact of the metaphor for me a little bit.
Nevertheless, Madeline Dyer has created something very unique and confronting with this poetry collection; what a great way to raise awareness and share some of the struggles unknown to many people.
ARC provided free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
January 11, 2020
...
...
...
You know how sometimes... you’ll read something... or you’ll watch something... and it just? takes your breath away? renders you speechless?
That... was this poetry collection. I literally could not tear my eyes away from it. I read, unblinking. I read 75 pages in 10 or 15 minutes.
Every single poetry collection I’ve read and reviewed for my book reviews page has been incredible in its own unique way. Every single one, thus far, has simply bled emotion — including this one. But I think this one is the one that I can relate to the most.
Now, please note, I do not have OCD, nor do I have the brain inflammation that the author writes of. However, I do have hydrocephalus, which in turn also caused my right-sided cerebral palsy. For those who don’t know, hydrocephalus is known as “water on the brain” and I have a shunt that, quite literally, is keeping me alive. I haven’t had a surgery since I was a kid, but for my first 8 years of life I was extremely familiar with hospitals and costly brain surgeries. And even though I haven’t had a surgery in 13 years, I’m at risk that my shunt could fail, every moment of every day. I have a “monster” that could come back, and intense anxiety partly as a result.
I do not think you need to have a disability or disorder to appreciate this work, though. It is breathtaking and heartbreaking. If you have an ounce of empathy, you will be greatly touched by this collection — I guarantee it. I’m 5 paragraphs into this review and I’m still breathless.
Simply... an incredible piece of work. And, honestly, the word “incredible” doesn’t do it nearly enough justice. I absolutely, without a doubt recommend it to anyone (so long as you’re not triggered by dark material — stay safe friends!). It is MORE than well worth the read, a million times over.
...
...
You know how sometimes... you’ll read something... or you’ll watch something... and it just? takes your breath away? renders you speechless?
That... was this poetry collection. I literally could not tear my eyes away from it. I read, unblinking. I read 75 pages in 10 or 15 minutes.
Every single poetry collection I’ve read and reviewed for my book reviews page has been incredible in its own unique way. Every single one, thus far, has simply bled emotion — including this one. But I think this one is the one that I can relate to the most.
Now, please note, I do not have OCD, nor do I have the brain inflammation that the author writes of. However, I do have hydrocephalus, which in turn also caused my right-sided cerebral palsy. For those who don’t know, hydrocephalus is known as “water on the brain” and I have a shunt that, quite literally, is keeping me alive. I haven’t had a surgery since I was a kid, but for my first 8 years of life I was extremely familiar with hospitals and costly brain surgeries. And even though I haven’t had a surgery in 13 years, I’m at risk that my shunt could fail, every moment of every day. I have a “monster” that could come back, and intense anxiety partly as a result.
I do not think you need to have a disability or disorder to appreciate this work, though. It is breathtaking and heartbreaking. If you have an ounce of empathy, you will be greatly touched by this collection — I guarantee it. I’m 5 paragraphs into this review and I’m still breathless.
Simply... an incredible piece of work. And, honestly, the word “incredible” doesn’t do it nearly enough justice. I absolutely, without a doubt recommend it to anyone (so long as you’re not triggered by dark material — stay safe friends!). It is MORE than well worth the read, a million times over.
December 13, 2019
I’m not a big poetry lover but this book of poems brings to light the struggles that the author has gone through using such powerful, expressive words to describe them.
It really does give you a real insight into the everyday events she has had to deal with.
It really does give you a real insight into the everyday events she has had to deal with.
December 28, 2019
I was sent an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.
This book of poetry moved me to tears. I felt the authors pain and suffering through the journey she took to receive answers, results and help and support through every page.
This really does give you an insight into the suffering so many people go through with hidden illnesses.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey with us.
This book of poetry moved me to tears. I felt the authors pain and suffering through the journey she took to receive answers, results and help and support through every page.
This really does give you an insight into the suffering so many people go through with hidden illnesses.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and journey with us.
January 3, 2020
Captive was a collection of dark, chilling poems that dealt with OCD and the demons that haunted the poet's mind.
The poems were dark and real, honest experiences, which is why they chilled me even more. I can't say I really enjoyed reading them but I appreciated them for the depth and honesty that they expressed.
The poems were dark and real, honest experiences, which is why they chilled me even more. I can't say I really enjoyed reading them but I appreciated them for the depth and honesty that they expressed.
December 13, 2019
This book is a poetry book so the story is a little bit more laxed and blurry
that it would be if it were a regual novel. However that does not take away from this
book at all. I loved all of the metaphores they were beautiful and very poetic, but
at the same time they still had structure to keep everything feeling together
as one instead of a bunch of random poems. This book sort of reminded me of Crank
by Ellen Hopkins only this one was written for adults instead of children. Our poet struggles
with psycosis and OCD so these poems are her way of showing the world exactly what she
is going through and how she sees the world. Parts of this book were pretty dark and scary but
others were beautiful, as each poem took the reader on a ride that can never be duplicated.
A quick read but a good one none the less and I'm very glad that I got the chance to check it out.
that it would be if it were a regual novel. However that does not take away from this
book at all. I loved all of the metaphores they were beautiful and very poetic, but
at the same time they still had structure to keep everything feeling together
as one instead of a bunch of random poems. This book sort of reminded me of Crank
by Ellen Hopkins only this one was written for adults instead of children. Our poet struggles
with psycosis and OCD so these poems are her way of showing the world exactly what she
is going through and how she sees the world. Parts of this book were pretty dark and scary but
others were beautiful, as each poem took the reader on a ride that can never be duplicated.
A quick read but a good one none the less and I'm very glad that I got the chance to check it out.
December 27, 2019
Brutally honest and brilliant, this collection takes the reader through the experience of living with a crumbling mind. From the first unexplainable visions to the fight within, and the constant struggle to be heard, Dyer’s poetry is a cry out to the world suffused with raw emotion. A captivating and eye-opening experience.
March 6, 2020
Captive by Madeline Dyer, 45 pages. POETRY. Ineja Press, 2020. $6.
Language: G (0 swears, 0 “f”); Mature Content: PG; Violence: PG
BUYING ADVISORY: HS - ADVISABLE
AUDIENCE APPEAL: AVERAGE
Dyer writes poems as someone who struggles with mental disorders. The battle inside oneself, against oneself, is not one that is easily or openly understood by others. Through beautifully crafted metaphors and imagery, Dyer conveys unwanted feelings and illogical thoughts in ways that readers can understand.
I have not gone through the same difficulties as Dyer, but I have gone through some mental hardships as well. Poetry depends upon readers feeling and understanding what is expressed through the words written. Some of Dyer’s poems were relatable to me and my difficult experiences, but I did not relate to all of them, nor do I think that these poems will speak to everyone. However, Dyer has written these poems in such a way that I still felt like I could understand her struggles and desire to find hope when they were different from my own experiences. If you do not read this book to know that you are not alone, read this collection of poems to better understand those who struggle with mental disorders.
Reviewer: Carolina Herdegen
https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/2020...
Language: G (0 swears, 0 “f”); Mature Content: PG; Violence: PG
BUYING ADVISORY: HS - ADVISABLE
AUDIENCE APPEAL: AVERAGE
Dyer writes poems as someone who struggles with mental disorders. The battle inside oneself, against oneself, is not one that is easily or openly understood by others. Through beautifully crafted metaphors and imagery, Dyer conveys unwanted feelings and illogical thoughts in ways that readers can understand.
I have not gone through the same difficulties as Dyer, but I have gone through some mental hardships as well. Poetry depends upon readers feeling and understanding what is expressed through the words written. Some of Dyer’s poems were relatable to me and my difficult experiences, but I did not relate to all of them, nor do I think that these poems will speak to everyone. However, Dyer has written these poems in such a way that I still felt like I could understand her struggles and desire to find hope when they were different from my own experiences. If you do not read this book to know that you are not alone, read this collection of poems to better understand those who struggle with mental disorders.
Reviewer: Carolina Herdegen
https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/2020...
January 11, 2020
Captive by Madeline Dyer is a volume of poetry produced from her therapy writings as she worked through OCD and psychosis induced by Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis. As the title suggests, this disorder causes brain inflammation, and this book circles on her feelings and experiences during this time.
Thematically, we see several clear messages regarding disability and mental/physical disorders arise. Often, frustration and helplessness come not only from Dyer’s illness, but also as a response to the way she is treated by various individuals in the medical profession, as her condition forces her to go to the, repeatedly for help. Instead of getting help, she is dismissed, refused tests, and made to feel that she is just seeking attention. In that way, this volume of poetry is very timely, as there have been a number of studies coming out on how women are not believed by doctors in their pain.
Although her experiences are specific to her life and having a disorder that is very rare, people who struggle with chronic conditions will be able to relate to a lot of elements exhibited here. As Dyer crafts her poems, she blurs the lines between metaphor, hallucination, and literal occurrence, taking the reader with her as she relies on natural imagery, but then describes actual hallucinations. As she discusses her illness, the ever-shifting relationship between her and it unfolds: at once a monster, a captor, a tormentor, a friend, and sometimes, an object that she diminishes into a humorous image (a dancing beetle) to take control over it. She describes it as the one that whispers to her how to be safe, will never let her to be free, and lies to her that it is her only friend.
There is also a sense of claustrophobia created by the poems when read together. Dealing with mental illness, whether induced by a physical cause or not, can be incredibly isolating. Whether it is due to your loved ones growing tired of your needing help, or you pushing others away, doesn’t really matter. In the end, part and parcel with all of this is feeling very alone with your illness.
Read the rest of the review at https://midnightvosswriting.blogspot....
Thematically, we see several clear messages regarding disability and mental/physical disorders arise. Often, frustration and helplessness come not only from Dyer’s illness, but also as a response to the way she is treated by various individuals in the medical profession, as her condition forces her to go to the, repeatedly for help. Instead of getting help, she is dismissed, refused tests, and made to feel that she is just seeking attention. In that way, this volume of poetry is very timely, as there have been a number of studies coming out on how women are not believed by doctors in their pain.
Although her experiences are specific to her life and having a disorder that is very rare, people who struggle with chronic conditions will be able to relate to a lot of elements exhibited here. As Dyer crafts her poems, she blurs the lines between metaphor, hallucination, and literal occurrence, taking the reader with her as she relies on natural imagery, but then describes actual hallucinations. As she discusses her illness, the ever-shifting relationship between her and it unfolds: at once a monster, a captor, a tormentor, a friend, and sometimes, an object that she diminishes into a humorous image (a dancing beetle) to take control over it. She describes it as the one that whispers to her how to be safe, will never let her to be free, and lies to her that it is her only friend.
There is also a sense of claustrophobia created by the poems when read together. Dealing with mental illness, whether induced by a physical cause or not, can be incredibly isolating. Whether it is due to your loved ones growing tired of your needing help, or you pushing others away, doesn’t really matter. In the end, part and parcel with all of this is feeling very alone with your illness.
Read the rest of the review at https://midnightvosswriting.blogspot....
January 14, 2020
I have long been a fan of Madeline’s fiction writing, and so I subscribe to all of her social media accounts. As such I am familiar with her struggles to a certain extent, and have been following her progress through her Medium page. I know how hard 2019 was for her, but even so, reading these poems was completely and utterly heartbreaking and I am not ashamed to admit that I cried through most of them.
It is incredibly brave of Madeline to open herself up to the world in sharing these intimate thoughts with the world in order to give people an insight into what it feels like to live with PANS. The raw pain that runs throughout the writing is almost palpable and really opened my eyes to what it must truly be like to live with OCD.
Whilst I was touched by the almost brutal frankness of all of the poems, I found “Things People Say” and “Psycho particularly upsetting – as a chronic illness sufferer myself I know how hard it is for people to understand, and how cruel their words can be sometimes, so this really touched a nerve with me.
“Don’t” hit home for me, as the son of my dearest friend struggles with OCD. People use the phrase so flippantly but they have no idea what it is truly like for sufferers. I have been guilty of this myself in the past, but now having experience of people who are fighting a constant battle, I can understand, to a certain extent, just how hurtful this can be.
A final mention has to go to “An Apology to the Ponies.” As I said earlier, I cried my way through most of this book, but this poem had me sobbing. Even thinking back to it now as I type this review brings a tear to my eye.
Captive feels like such an important book, both for sufferers of OCD, to hopefully help them to see that they aren’t the only people struggling with the thoughts in their head, but also for anyone who wants to gain an insight into what it is truly like to be constantly fighting an internal war with yourself.
It is incredibly brave of Madeline to open herself up to the world in sharing these intimate thoughts with the world in order to give people an insight into what it feels like to live with PANS. The raw pain that runs throughout the writing is almost palpable and really opened my eyes to what it must truly be like to live with OCD.
Whilst I was touched by the almost brutal frankness of all of the poems, I found “Things People Say” and “Psycho particularly upsetting – as a chronic illness sufferer myself I know how hard it is for people to understand, and how cruel their words can be sometimes, so this really touched a nerve with me.
“Don’t” hit home for me, as the son of my dearest friend struggles with OCD. People use the phrase so flippantly but they have no idea what it is truly like for sufferers. I have been guilty of this myself in the past, but now having experience of people who are fighting a constant battle, I can understand, to a certain extent, just how hurtful this can be.
A final mention has to go to “An Apology to the Ponies.” As I said earlier, I cried my way through most of this book, but this poem had me sobbing. Even thinking back to it now as I type this review brings a tear to my eye.
Captive feels like such an important book, both for sufferers of OCD, to hopefully help them to see that they aren’t the only people struggling with the thoughts in their head, but also for anyone who wants to gain an insight into what it is truly like to be constantly fighting an internal war with yourself.
December 30, 2019
Language: G (0 swears, 0 “f”); Mature Content: PG; Violence: PG
Dyer writes poems as someone who struggles with mental disorders. The battle inside oneself, against oneself, is not one that is easily or openly understood by others. Through beautifully crafted metaphors and imagery, Dyer conveys unwanted feelings and illogical thoughts in ways that readers can understand.
I have not gone through the same difficulties as Dyer, but I have gone through some mental hardships as well. Poetry depends upon readers feeling and understanding what is expressed through the words written. Some of Dyer’s poems were relatable to me and my difficult experiences, but I did not relate to all of them, nor do I think that these poems will speak to everyone. However, Dyer has written these poems in such a way that I still felt like I could understand her struggles and desire to find hope when they were different from my own experiences. If you do not read this book to know that you are not alone, read this collection of poems to better understand those who struggle with mental disorders.
Reviewed for https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/
Dyer writes poems as someone who struggles with mental disorders. The battle inside oneself, against oneself, is not one that is easily or openly understood by others. Through beautifully crafted metaphors and imagery, Dyer conveys unwanted feelings and illogical thoughts in ways that readers can understand.
I have not gone through the same difficulties as Dyer, but I have gone through some mental hardships as well. Poetry depends upon readers feeling and understanding what is expressed through the words written. Some of Dyer’s poems were relatable to me and my difficult experiences, but I did not relate to all of them, nor do I think that these poems will speak to everyone. However, Dyer has written these poems in such a way that I still felt like I could understand her struggles and desire to find hope when they were different from my own experiences. If you do not read this book to know that you are not alone, read this collection of poems to better understand those who struggle with mental disorders.
Reviewed for https://kissthebook.blogspot.com/
December 12, 2019
To better understand these poems I decided to do some research on Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis.
I couldn’t find a lot on this condition, but what I did find helped me to connect with Madeline and her poems more.
This is Madeline’s first poetry collection which she wrote while dealing with psychosis and OCD due to a brain inflammation that causes neuropsychiatric symptoms.
While reading these poems I felt very trapped and scared. I can’t imagine what Madeline was going through during this time. I could also feel her frustration through out.
Thank you Madeline for publishing these poems. I know it would have been hard. You would have been scared but through your pain and suffering hopefully more can be raised on this condition and on mental health.
‘I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.’
I couldn’t find a lot on this condition, but what I did find helped me to connect with Madeline and her poems more.
This is Madeline’s first poetry collection which she wrote while dealing with psychosis and OCD due to a brain inflammation that causes neuropsychiatric symptoms.
While reading these poems I felt very trapped and scared. I can’t imagine what Madeline was going through during this time. I could also feel her frustration through out.
Thank you Madeline for publishing these poems. I know it would have been hard. You would have been scared but through your pain and suffering hopefully more can be raised on this condition and on mental health.
‘I just want to get better and see the stars and believe in hope again.’
January 21, 2020
I have to commend Madeline for writing such an emotional book, I felt like I was opened up to a very personal part of Madeline’s life. Reading it was hard in parts because of this, it’s raw, honest and sometimes lost for words.
Two of the poems stuck out the most to me; When I can’t control the monster and Alone. I could relate to the words and I took my own message from them. I think a lot more people will be able to relate to her poems then you would initially think. This collection offers you the chance to learn but also to think about if we can relate in our own ways.
It is not an easy read but I managed to digest it in a few sittings. I felt some of it was repetitive and I desperately wanted to have some kind and welcoming words but the reality of it sets in and this is how life can be.
A recommended read from me and make sure you look after yourself when you do.
Two of the poems stuck out the most to me; When I can’t control the monster and Alone. I could relate to the words and I took my own message from them. I think a lot more people will be able to relate to her poems then you would initially think. This collection offers you the chance to learn but also to think about if we can relate in our own ways.
It is not an easy read but I managed to digest it in a few sittings. I felt some of it was repetitive and I desperately wanted to have some kind and welcoming words but the reality of it sets in and this is how life can be.
A recommended read from me and make sure you look after yourself when you do.
January 31, 2020
This is the first book I’ve read by this author. This one is a book of poems about her mental health and diagnosis. Well worth a read if you suffer with any health issues.
Madeline Dyer’s other novels are fantasy and romance.
This book has really touched me. She has opened up her most inner thoughts about her illness and diagnosis.
The poems are so beautifully written and contain content I can relate to. The diagnosis process of any illness is a long one. You feel like it is never ending. Madeline Dyer has captured that within her poems. The struggles of feeling sick, not knowing why and how to get rid of the pain.
The poems of her struggles once she had her diagnosis were moving. I felt so many emotions reading this and can feel so much compassion for the author.
I hope her struggles begin to ease as she works through her health plan and begins to live with her diagnosis.
Madeline Dyer’s other novels are fantasy and romance.
This book has really touched me. She has opened up her most inner thoughts about her illness and diagnosis.
The poems are so beautifully written and contain content I can relate to. The diagnosis process of any illness is a long one. You feel like it is never ending. Madeline Dyer has captured that within her poems. The struggles of feeling sick, not knowing why and how to get rid of the pain.
The poems of her struggles once she had her diagnosis were moving. I felt so many emotions reading this and can feel so much compassion for the author.
I hope her struggles begin to ease as she works through her health plan and begins to live with her diagnosis.
February 13, 2020
What a gift that the author of this book has given to the world. I spent 5 years as a behavioral health RN in an acute psychiatric hospital. Occasionally, rarely, I was able to get some of the more seriously sick patients to open up to me about what it is like to be them. To live every day with their illness. This author is giving us glimpses of what it's like to live inside her head. I really enjoyed this book. I do not usually spend much time with poetry but this just spoke to me. I, myself, have depression and anxiety issues. I understand. It takes a very brave person to write down the inner musings of your somewhat damaged psyche and then to allow everyone to read it. And inevitably judge it. I say good for you!
#endthestigma #captive
#endthestigma #captive
December 25, 2019
This was amazing. I never used to be a fan of poetry, but I’m slowly learning to love it. This collection was raw and so emotional. It resonated with me as someone who has an invisible illness as well. I spent years in and out of multiple doctor’s offices in different cities trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Being told there is nothing wrong with me and the pain is all in my head does something to a person. I loved this so much. I love that she never gave up and used her experience and put it into written form to express what she was feeling. Thank you Madeline for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with the world ❤️
September 1, 2020
I was sent an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.
This poetry collection is not the kind that the reader may feel connected to personal and that isn't the point but rather to share Dyer's personal journey with her illness without sugar-coating it. As someone who empathizes easily, I had to put this down occasionally for breaks due to how imbued with emotion her work is.
Each poem individually is great but together they show Dyer's journey. It gives us a peek into the fibers that make up her soul and I feel like it will be a poetry collection that will mean a lot to people.
This poetry collection is not the kind that the reader may feel connected to personal and that isn't the point but rather to share Dyer's personal journey with her illness without sugar-coating it. As someone who empathizes easily, I had to put this down occasionally for breaks due to how imbued with emotion her work is.
Each poem individually is great but together they show Dyer's journey. It gives us a peek into the fibers that make up her soul and I feel like it will be a poetry collection that will mean a lot to people.
January 2, 2020
Madeline Dyer paints a phenomenal picture of the terrors and horrors of being trapped in your own brain. She struggles with Autoimmune Basal Ganglia Encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain, which in her case manifests through OCD and psychosis. Her poems in this collection are stunning. They provide a much needed inside look into a rare disease, which will allow readers to come to a better understanding of the struggle that ensues. It is dark, difficult, and lonely. This collection is essential reading. Highly recommended for all collections.
February 27, 2021
A thought provoking and wonderfully written collection of poems, proving insight into one young woman’s battles with her health.
April 6, 2020
Thank you netgally and to the author for the gifted copy. All thoughts and opinions are completely my own.
From someone who suffers with mental illness these poems hit close to home. I realize hers is a different situation but still. I know what its like to feel alone and trapped.
Not understanding what is happening and why things have all of a sudden changed.
I found this to be a very emotional read. I would definitely give it a read if you are interested in psychosis or mental illness.
4.5 stars from me.
From someone who suffers with mental illness these poems hit close to home. I realize hers is a different situation but still. I know what its like to feel alone and trapped.
Not understanding what is happening and why things have all of a sudden changed.
I found this to be a very emotional read. I would definitely give it a read if you are interested in psychosis or mental illness.
4.5 stars from me.
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