The Talk: What Your Kids Need to Hear from You About Sex

by Sharon Maxwell

View our feature on Sharon Maxwell's The Talk . A groundbreaking resource to help jump start an ongoing discussion between parents and teens about sex and sexuality Internet chat rooms, boy/girl sleepovers, reality TV . . . there’s more to “the talk” than ever before. Faced with a culture that pushes our kids to be “sexy” before puberty begins, how do we explain the power of sexuality in a way that promotes healthy, age-appropriate behavior?

The Talk is a breakthrough resource for parents and educators that prepares kids for a hypersexualized world and lays the foundation for ethical sexual behavior that can guide our children from elementary school through college.

Using real-life situations, Dr. Sharon Maxwell demonstrates how dramatically the world of preteen and teen sexual exploration has changed. She helps parents think through the message they want to give to their kids about sexual behavior, and how that message must evolve as their kids get older. Focusing on the importance of love and intimacy, Dr. Maxwell helps parents define their values about sex and gives concrete ways to share those values with teens.

The Talk shows parents how
*Set family guidelines for safe Internet use
*Address the social power that comes from looking sexy, and the personal responsibility each of us has to use that power appropriately
*Discuss the moral aspects of sexuality in ways teens will understand
*Help children recognize the difference between feelings of sexual desire and love
*Develop principles with our teens that will help them figure out when it’s okay to be sexual with someone and when it’s not

Dr. Maxwell connects the dots between reproduction, the potent power of sexiness, sexual desire, emotional intimacy, and the spiritual dimension of sexuality. Offering an innovative framework for looking at human sexuality, this book has the potential to change the national conversation on sex education.

Genres: Parenting, Self Help

219 pages, Paperback

First published April 10, 2008

About the author

Sharon Maxwell, Ph.D., has been a practicing clinical psychologist for seventeen years. She won a national award from Parenting Publications of America for her series of articles on sex education and recognition for her sexual health curriculum. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts features her work in its brochures on sex education and in a DVD on teens and drunk driving. Maxwell lives near Boston.

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Reviews

[Jaycee Limutau]

Yes, I’ve given this book a five star rating, I think it’s brilliant. The author speak “sex” for a living so her stories and very plain spoken ness may be uncomfortable for some people. I was shocked to realize just how very naive I still am with what is out there for our youth. This book gave me so many tools and ideas that I can start using right now to help my kids and youth begin exercising their self-discipline muscle now. So weather early on in middle school or later in college my kids will be prepared and know themselves to make good choices. The author is very open about her ideas being just that and gives plenty of room for all people whether religious or not
To judge for themselves. I appreciated that.
I’m grateful I picked this book up and hope others do as well because she stresses that we as parents can be a great support to each other as well as our kids by just talking and discussing our concerns and ideas. This is a book I will buy, reread and mark up!

[Bryan Murdock]

Dang, I really wish I would have read this when my oldest kids were younger. They are still going to hear about it though, and maybe my younger kids will turn out even better because of it. The thing that would have made me more excited to read this book earlier would be to know that most of it is actually very generally applicable and not all that specific to sex. There's a lot in there to help kids (well, all of us really) understand their desires and what things (brain, body, friends, etc.) influence them. How to recognize those things and respond to them in a controlled and deliberate manner. I mean, there are no magic solutions in this book that make it all easy peasy, but some great insights.

Now that I've read two books by mental health professionals (pretty seasoned there, aren't I?), I'm seeing a trend of them telling us stories about their weirdest and worst clients. I could have done with less of that in this book. Pretty graphic and sad stuff. That's the only reason I didn't give it 5 stars.

[Courtney]

I see a book like this, and I think, okay; there will be some good info, but I'll have to wade through a lot of bias and skewed perspective and it will mostly be a waste of time. And I am SO WRONG.

This woman has insight and clarity, and she comes from what feels like exactly where I'm sitting--she doesn't apologize for religious beleifs or a stance that is really against the general world's. She takes all the things you really hope your kids will do and be, and then gives you tools to take them there. She's so reasonable and compassionate. She backs up everything you've ever thought on the subject of parenting in general, and I just want to sing the praises of this book all day long! I recommend this as good reading for any parent of any kid at any age. I intend to read it again to be sure I really internalized it. Read it.

[Danielle]

This is an absolutely brilliant book. I loved how she talked about sexual desire as “energy” and that it can be used in creative, productive ways, and teaching kids to tap into their highest desires for themselves.

[Sherri Dowdle]

Excellent book about how to talk with kids about sex! Wish I would have had this book 15 years ago when it was written! It is all still relevant, although the technology portion is a little dated. Highly recommend for anyone who works with kids or teens.

[lifeaccordingtonikki]

Every parent needs to read this book. As a sex educator this is one of my MOST recommended books.

[Suzanne Lorraine Kunz Williams]

Warning, this book can be explicit at times. But it does have great principles when it comes to teaching sexual values to children.

[Sophie Duncan]

Read for school🤝🏼🤝🏼

[Celeste Seiler]

I bought this book a while ago after hearing how good it was. It has sat on my shelf and waited for me until I had children. They're still not old enough for this talk, but I decided it was time to read.

I expected this book to say a lot of things that I didn't agree with. Instead, what I got was surprised. Dr. Maxwell has done a wonderful job of covering this subject in an aspect that has never crossed my mind before. And she's done it in a way to not offend others.

I wish I would have heard what she had to say about sexual desire and sexual energy when I was a teen. Her analogies are gold!

[Laurie Vessely]

I'm learning how to talk to my kids about sex. I found the introduction unsettiling enough to convince me that I had better read this book. She describes her normally sheltered 7 year old son being introduced to sex by the video game Duke Nukem where the prize for killing people is strippers in one level, hookers in another level and women hanging from meat hooks as the big prize. She convinced me that kids are going to be exposed to some pretty awful stuff, and it is our job as parents to try to add perspective.

[Deirdre K]

Read this a few years ago, and it seemed a little too "fear-mongering" to me, at least that introduction. Now I have a different perspective and think everyone should read this book. I like her perspective on sexual energy---that is the bewildering thing for young tweens and something not talked enough about with girls.

[Marla]

Practical and insightful book about a sensitive subject. Lots of it is common sense, but I like the practical suggestions. I thought it should've had more moral values and Christian guidelines. But that view point was an interesting aspect on sex education.

[Tracie]

Excellent!