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416 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 29, 2019
“We’ll have to find him a girl who’s smashing enough to make him change his mind. Someone pretty, of course.”
“Someone nice. Someone who won’t put pomade in our hair and lecture us when our trousers get torn.”
Colin nodded. “She’ll have to be brainy, too, like Mama was. And fond of cats.”
Oscar meowed, as if giving his endorsement of this plan.
“There’s just one problem,” Owen pointed out. “How do we find her?”
Suddenly, he felt the emptiness—that big, dark space that had been inside him ever since he could remember, a void filled for all too brief a time by the warmth and laughter of a freckle-faced girl.
His eyes stung. Blinking, he looked away, hating that he knew how it felt to have a heart in his chest instead of a gaping hole. He wished he’d never known. Then perhaps having that heart ripped out of him three years ago wouldn’t have hurt so much.
The life he’d had with Pat was gone and would not come back. He’d scorned that brutal truth, he’d raged against it, he’d wept over it, and finally, at last, he’d come to accept it. Resigned, he had trudged on, moving toward the future for the sake of his children, but it was a future that to his heart and mind had seemed bleak and dim, colorless and without joy.
But suddenly, he could see a different future. For the first time in three years, he could see color and light. He could see hope. He could see love.
I think I was born cynical, and growing up, I stayed that way. I was wild and reckless, and I did all manner of mad things, and the reason, though I didn’t realize it at the time, was that I was seeking that inner joy of life. I think I’d been chasing it always, but never finding it. Then I met Pat, and it was with her that I started to understand what true happiness was. I had that with her, but when she died, it died with her, and I felt as if all the joy had vanished from the world.” He paused, lifting his free hand to cup her cheek. “Then you came.”
“Oh, Jamie,” she said with a sigh, “you don’t want to marry me. You don’t want to marry anyone. No one can ever replace Pat in your heart, and that’s been clear from the beginning. And anyway, I couldn’t bear to be a second-rate substitute for her.”
He grimaced at having his own words from that day in the newspaper office quoted back to him at such a moment as this. “I said that before I knew you. You’re not a second-rate anything, Amanda. Not to me.”
In his wildest dreams he never thought he’d fall in love again. But as he gathered Amanda against him, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and looked at her beautiful face in the mirror, his love for her overwhelmed him and awed him, and for the first time in three long, lonely years, he felt as if life was worth living.