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After Suicide: There's Hope for Them and for You
Addressing the hard issue of suicide simply and pastorally, Fr. Chris Alar, MIC, and Jason Lewis, MIC, draw from the teaching of the Church, the message of Divine Mercy, and their own experience of losing a loved one to offer readers two key forms of hope: hope for the salvation of those who’ve died by their own hand, and hope for the healing of those left behind. This book is a must-read for all those trying to make sense out of such a difficult subject. Remarkably, the spiritual principles of healing and redemption apply not only to a loss from suicide, but by any means of death.
195 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2019
69 people are currently reading
76 people want to read
About the author
Chris Alar
7 books18 followersFather Chris Alar, MIC, entered the Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception, the religious community entrusted with spreading the message and devotion of Divine Mercy, as a postulant in July 2006.
Prior to that time, he received a Bachelor of Science in industrial engineering and a Masters of Business Administration from the University of Michigan. After working as an engineering manager at a Fortune 500 Tier 1 automotive company in Detroit, he began his own consulting firm in Charlotte, North Carolina, in 2000.
Answering the Lord's call, he attended Franciscan University of Steubenville, in Ohio, for his philosophy studies, Dominican House of Studies in Washington, D.C., for his theology studies, and he earned his Masters of Divinity degree from Holy Apostles Seminary in Cromwell, Connecticut.
Fr. Chris wrote and produced the popular "Divine Mercy 101" DVD. He is a nationally known speaker and a regular host and guest on EWTN. He also hosts the online "Divine Mercy Matters" series at DivineMercyMatters.org. He currently serves as "Fr. Joseph, MIC" the director of the Association of Marian Helpers, and is the head of Marian Press, located in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, home of the National Shrine of The Divine Mercy.
Prior to that time, he received a Bachelor of Science in industrial engineering and a Masters of Business Administration from the University of Michigan. After working as an engineering manager at a Fortune 500 Tier 1 automotive company in Detroit, he began his own consulting firm in Charlotte, North Carolina, in 2000.
Answering the Lord's call, he attended Franciscan University of Steubenville, in Ohio, for his philosophy studies, Dominican House of Studies in Washington, D.C., for his theology studies, and he earned his Masters of Divinity degree from Holy Apostles Seminary in Cromwell, Connecticut.
Fr. Chris wrote and produced the popular "Divine Mercy 101" DVD. He is a nationally known speaker and a regular host and guest on EWTN. He also hosts the online "Divine Mercy Matters" series at DivineMercyMatters.org. He currently serves as "Fr. Joseph, MIC" the director of the Association of Marian Helpers, and is the head of Marian Press, located in Stockbridge, Massachusetts, home of the National Shrine of The Divine Mercy.
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abandoned
September 5, 20235 stars for the beginning, importance and need of this book, 1 star for its length, but I am not giving an official rating to a book this important that I have not finished. The ‘date finished’ below is actually the day I gave it up. However, I am keeping Fr. Alar’s book as I recognize that in the future, I might need it which could completely change my perception.
I was very excited to read Fr. Chris Alar’s After Suicide: There’s Hope for Them and You to learn about how we can positively affect the results for suicides even years after a suicide and find help/hope for ourselves. I was eager to read this as I have seen firsthand the devastation suicides, or even suspected suicides can leave in their wake. I wanted to know how we could be comforted and how to pass along comfort to others. I wanted this book to be helpful.
The first part of the book is excellent, if that is the right word. When Fr. Alar talks about his grandmother’s difficult life, disappointments and hardships, one after another, my heart went out to her. His own shock and his father’s heartbreak at finding his mother dead by her own hand on Father’s Day was a terrible tragedy. I could relate to his story as my own father found my brother dead by means which were likely suicide. Suspected suicide does not lessen the horror nor shock of unexpected and senseless death, if anything, it creates more doubt and confusion, and the loss is the same.
The next part of the book is where Father explains how he learned about how prayers said long after death can still be efficacious for the salvation of a suicide. This was—is—an important message which needs to get out! I suspect many Catholics today have never heard this. Given that so few people, even Catholics, believe in hell, why should they see a need to believe in praying for their deceased loved ones? I have even experienced Catholics who are offended by Mass cards for their loved ones, as if you are implying their loved ones are not in Heaven. (sigh)
The only problem with this book is its length. After Fr. Alar, gives these facts to us, it seems he circles around and repeats himself in different ways, his message losing impact for its repetition. I think he hopes for just the opposite, and maybe it works for others, but not me. Anyway, I was getting impatient that I was learning nothing new and began skimming to get to the second ½ of the book.
The second part of the book is authored by Jason Lewis, one of the lay Marians of the Immaculate Conception, and he tells another suicide story which was also heartbreaking, yet full of hope as well. As I read on after that, the text began to weary me. I am sure there was a lot of good information, but I gave it up.
While I hate to say anything negative about such an important book, I wish a top-notch editor would take a serious look at this book and cut it down to the main points or clarify them. There are people it could help who are not going to be able to wade through 253 pages of text. Perhaps a condensed version could be published. I am thinking in particular of a friend who lost her son by suicide. She was looking for a such book when it happened, but she was not a reader. I cannot see her being able to read this then or now.
I was very excited to read Fr. Chris Alar’s After Suicide: There’s Hope for Them and You to learn about how we can positively affect the results for suicides even years after a suicide and find help/hope for ourselves. I was eager to read this as I have seen firsthand the devastation suicides, or even suspected suicides can leave in their wake. I wanted to know how we could be comforted and how to pass along comfort to others. I wanted this book to be helpful.
The first part of the book is excellent, if that is the right word. When Fr. Alar talks about his grandmother’s difficult life, disappointments and hardships, one after another, my heart went out to her. His own shock and his father’s heartbreak at finding his mother dead by her own hand on Father’s Day was a terrible tragedy. I could relate to his story as my own father found my brother dead by means which were likely suicide. Suspected suicide does not lessen the horror nor shock of unexpected and senseless death, if anything, it creates more doubt and confusion, and the loss is the same.
The next part of the book is where Father explains how he learned about how prayers said long after death can still be efficacious for the salvation of a suicide. This was—is—an important message which needs to get out! I suspect many Catholics today have never heard this. Given that so few people, even Catholics, believe in hell, why should they see a need to believe in praying for their deceased loved ones? I have even experienced Catholics who are offended by Mass cards for their loved ones, as if you are implying their loved ones are not in Heaven. (sigh)
The only problem with this book is its length. After Fr. Alar, gives these facts to us, it seems he circles around and repeats himself in different ways, his message losing impact for its repetition. I think he hopes for just the opposite, and maybe it works for others, but not me. Anyway, I was getting impatient that I was learning nothing new and began skimming to get to the second ½ of the book.
The second part of the book is authored by Jason Lewis, one of the lay Marians of the Immaculate Conception, and he tells another suicide story which was also heartbreaking, yet full of hope as well. As I read on after that, the text began to weary me. I am sure there was a lot of good information, but I gave it up.
While I hate to say anything negative about such an important book, I wish a top-notch editor would take a serious look at this book and cut it down to the main points or clarify them. There are people it could help who are not going to be able to wade through 253 pages of text. Perhaps a condensed version could be published. I am thinking in particular of a friend who lost her son by suicide. She was looking for a such book when it happened, but she was not a reader. I cannot see her being able to read this then or now.
January 19, 2020
This book taught me more than I ever could have imagined. When I saw that Father Chris Alar had written it, and knowing six people who have committed suicide [five personally, and the sixth related to someone I case about], I bought two copies and started reading.
The authors do not intend to condone suicide [they do NOT] and they do NOT intended to convince folks who are suicidal to change their minds and not commit suicide [although they t provide many materials and resources for those who might be suicidal, and also note those materials and resources could be very helpful to those who are concerned about others.]
I felt that the main thrust of the book was to help those who know someone who has committed suicide and as the survivor, he or she might feel hopeless and / or guilty because of the other person's actions. There is help and hope in abundance in the book.
But I also learned so much more from the book. Although I was taught as a very young child that God is everywhere, and God has always been and always will be, and God is not limited by time or space, and God knows everything, who really understands all that? Certainly not me. Reading this book gave me the closest possible understanding that I think I could ever have, and I know I will read and re-read the book. There are some portions that I have already marked for review because they brought some points out so crystal clearly for me.
One does not need to be a Catholic to read this book. Anyone who is concerned about someone who has committed suicide and concerned about their eternal soul, would benefit. I think, however, that a Catholic who has had some of the basic teachings of the Catholicism, will have that faith deepened in understanding. This is a great book.
The authors do not intend to condone suicide [they do NOT] and they do NOT intended to convince folks who are suicidal to change their minds and not commit suicide [although they t provide many materials and resources for those who might be suicidal, and also note those materials and resources could be very helpful to those who are concerned about others.]
I felt that the main thrust of the book was to help those who know someone who has committed suicide and as the survivor, he or she might feel hopeless and / or guilty because of the other person's actions. There is help and hope in abundance in the book.
But I also learned so much more from the book. Although I was taught as a very young child that God is everywhere, and God has always been and always will be, and God is not limited by time or space, and God knows everything, who really understands all that? Certainly not me. Reading this book gave me the closest possible understanding that I think I could ever have, and I know I will read and re-read the book. There are some portions that I have already marked for review because they brought some points out so crystal clearly for me.
One does not need to be a Catholic to read this book. Anyone who is concerned about someone who has committed suicide and concerned about their eternal soul, would benefit. I think, however, that a Catholic who has had some of the basic teachings of the Catholicism, will have that faith deepened in understanding. This is a great book.
March 11, 2021
This is a must read, not only for those who have lost someone to suicide, but to anyone who has lost someone they love, especially if it was a sudden loss. This book will give you peace. And it’ll give you practical steps YOU can take to help your loved one on the other side. And it’s all backed by the Catholic Church. There are many misconceptions out there. This sets the record straight and will give you hope.
May 21, 2021
Very well-written book by Fr. Chris Alar, who struggled for years with guilt and sorrow following his grandmother's suicide. This book will give hope to people who've lost a loved one to suicide or any other sudden death and they're worried about the state of that person's soul. There are some practical steps to help them, no matter how long ago the event happened.
January 30, 2020
No other book has given me as much consolation as this book after my brother’s suicide. It has filled me with eternal hope! Jesus, I trust in you!
November 18, 2025
As the title suggests, this book is divided into two parts. The first part deals with a theological understanding of suicide from a Catholic perspective. Father Chris Alar's grandmother died by suicide, an event that initially traumatized Alar. In his journey to find understanding, he came to hope in Jesus's mercy, especially as it is presented in the diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska. Through the guidance of a priest, the young Alar learned it was not fruitless to pray for his grandmother's salvation. Since God lives in the Eternal Now, all moments of time as we see them are present to Him simultaneously. Our prayers for past loved ones are, in God's perspective, contemporaneous with past actions (indeed, contemporaneous with all of the past and all of the future). We can pray that they have the grace of conversion at the last minute. God loves us and wants us to be with Him. Naturally He provides every opportunity to turn back to Him. Hope in the Lord is hope for their salvation. Committing suicide is a grave sin but many circumstances can affect its willfulness and we cannot see into a person's soul to judge them.
The second part of the book deals with the grief of the relatives and friends of those who have died by suicide. After discussing the standard stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with their physical, mental, and spiritual impacts, the authors present three spiritual principles to help move through grief. First is powerlessness in loss--we have no control over the situation and cannot fix it on our own. Second is trust in Jesus--He is the merciful God Who wants to draw all people to Himself, especially sinners. Third is entrustment of the situation to God--we give over all of it to the One Who can bring good out of evil, Who desires our true good, which is often hidden from us. Healing comes from effort, from perhaps the hardest effort of all, giving the problem over to someone else to take care of, someone who can take care of it and wants to take care of it.
I found the second half more comforting and valuable than the first half. Father Alar's description of his grandmother's situation, her hard life that led her to do what she did, did not feel quite complete. He has excellent theology but I was not quite convinced of everything in the beginning. The second part was surer. It built somewhat on the theology from the first part and gave more concrete actions that readers could take in their own lives.
Recommended, though if you are like me, you might need to persevere through the first part.
The second part of the book deals with the grief of the relatives and friends of those who have died by suicide. After discussing the standard stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with their physical, mental, and spiritual impacts, the authors present three spiritual principles to help move through grief. First is powerlessness in loss--we have no control over the situation and cannot fix it on our own. Second is trust in Jesus--He is the merciful God Who wants to draw all people to Himself, especially sinners. Third is entrustment of the situation to God--we give over all of it to the One Who can bring good out of evil, Who desires our true good, which is often hidden from us. Healing comes from effort, from perhaps the hardest effort of all, giving the problem over to someone else to take care of, someone who can take care of it and wants to take care of it.
I found the second half more comforting and valuable than the first half. Father Alar's description of his grandmother's situation, her hard life that led her to do what she did, did not feel quite complete. He has excellent theology but I was not quite convinced of everything in the beginning. The second part was surer. It built somewhat on the theology from the first part and gave more concrete actions that readers could take in their own lives.
Recommended, though if you are like me, you might need to persevere through the first part.
March 19, 2023
This book has a very good message that through our prayers, our lost loved ones can be saved because there is no time in Heaven. God, hearing our prayers can intercede at any moment in time because he knows the beginning and the end, including the fact that we would be praying for someone (or some thing).
I would have given this a higher star rating but it really starts to dive into the weeds and as someone who is not a theologian, I was lost several times when it went down a rabbit trail. I put this down for a while because being a survivor is, in itself, a tough road and this is heavy reading.
Overall this book is a good message for those of us who are suicide survivors, or anyone who has lost someone that they are unsure of their fate in the after-life.
I would have given this a higher star rating but it really starts to dive into the weeds and as someone who is not a theologian, I was lost several times when it went down a rabbit trail. I put this down for a while because being a survivor is, in itself, a tough road and this is heavy reading.
Overall this book is a good message for those of us who are suicide survivors, or anyone who has lost someone that they are unsure of their fate in the after-life.
March 12, 2025
Prefacing this with the fact that I've not experienced a loss by suicide, but family members sadly have. I heard this book was helpful for those grieving whether the death was by suicide or not. As I work with my parish's bereavement group, I thought it would be good to read the book. Yes, it is written with a Catholic foundation, but the book could still be helpful regardless of someone's religious beliefs.
The author has first-hand knowledge of suicide in his family. This lends to his credibility but also to his passion about the topic. The Catholic beliefs regarding suicide are explained in such a way as to engender hope and healing. After all, God is Love and full of mercy!
I would recommend this book.
The author has first-hand knowledge of suicide in his family. This lends to his credibility but also to his passion about the topic. The Catholic beliefs regarding suicide are explained in such a way as to engender hope and healing. After all, God is Love and full of mercy!
I would recommend this book.
September 4, 2021
This may be one of the most powerful books I have ever read. I lost a dear friend to suicide this past Spring. My friend was deeply committed to the Divine Mercy message, and I vowed to pray the chaplet for him every day so long as I live. Suicide loss is something I would not wish ony worst enemy. It took me a long time to get through this book because it gave me so much to process, regarding my own mentions towards the loss of my friend.
Fr. Alar's book has been instrumental in helping me into an integrated state of grief. The knowledge that I can keep praying for the salvation of my friend has filled me with a great and powerful hope.
Fr. Alar's book has been instrumental in helping me into an integrated state of grief. The knowledge that I can keep praying for the salvation of my friend has filled me with a great and powerful hope.
December 7, 2023
Very easy to read with very understandable explanations of the theology behind death, mercy, and eternity with a beautiful exposition on our prays being answered for our loved one’s instant of death. Not just for suicide survivors but for all of us who have experienced the soul crunching death of a loved one by any means. It’s a book of hope and love and understanding which those of us in deep grief are urning for.
April 15, 2022
This book was what I needed to know how to pray for my oldest son who committed suicide 7 months ago. The old belief that one goes to hell following suicide is all wrong. The Church considers the heart in torment when suicide is chosen. This book explained how Jesus is the Divine Mercy. Trusting Him and praying for the soul of my son go hand in hand.
June 22, 2021
There is hope for my Brother and Myself
Reconsider the teachings of the Catholic Church, they show how much we do not understand the church. Our lives are as much changed as helped.
Reconsider the teachings of the Catholic Church, they show how much we do not understand the church. Our lives are as much changed as helped.
March 7, 2025
Wonderful insight for anyone dealing with a tragic event - much of the advice applies to all forms of loss, not just suicide. This is a book best read slowly and deliberately to keep yourself from being either overwhelmed or too superficial .... You will find hope amid your grief.
November 26, 2022
There is a really great YouTube video by Fr Chris. It covers most of what is in this book. It's a great message and I'm so grateful for the way Fr Chris explains this topic.
June 22, 2023
One of the most important books I have ever read.
August 8, 2025
Extremely informative regarding this topic.
March 27, 2023
After Suicide by Father Chris Alar is a very important book and the only one of its kind that I know of. The main argument is that, because God is outside of time, prayers offered in the present can be applied to events in the past. In other words, we can pray now that a person who died by suicide in the past accept the grace to save his soul in the moments before actually expiring. Father Alar’s message gives hope that there is something that we can, in fact, do to help those we fear are lost.
Most Catholic books I have read that addressed the topic of suicide offered no hope for these souls. None would directly state that a soul who died by suicide is 100% in hell, but most insinuated that they were. According to My Catholic Faith (1954), “... [a soul who dies by suicide] sins against himself, by plunging his soul mercilessly into hell… if he commits suicide, he will only be preparing it [his soul] for the torments of hell” (217). So much shame is heaped on the suffering person who dies this way. These individuals are considered morally defective and not worth remembering or honoring. For example, My Catholic Faith states that “suicide is the result of lack of religion. Suicide is usually committed by one who has gotten into trouble or committed some great sin” (217) and that those who die that way should be denied Christian burial.
Father Chris Alar never downplays the moral gravity of suicide and the fact that a soul can truly be lost to hell through this act. However, he uses support from the catechism, saints, mystics, and current research on mental illness and drug addiction to provide real hope for souls we may have written off. He cites the Austrian mystic, Maria Simma, famous for her numerous visits from the souls in Purgatory, as saying, “Up to now, I have never encountered the case of a suicide who was lost– this doesn’t mean, of course, that that doesn’t exist–but often, the souls tell me that those most guilty were those around them, when they were negligent or spread calumny…” (49). Father Alar also refers to Saint Faustina’s diary and the message of Divine Mercy. He discusses a vision in which Jesus told St. Faustina He visits a despairing soul three times, giving that soul three opportunities to accept Him. Father Alar also reminds us of the three conditions necessary for a sin to be considered mortal (grave matter, full knowledge, and full consent of the will) and that many people who commit suicide are missing full consent of the will. In cases of extreme mental torment, illness, or drug addiction, a person’s will is likely not free.
Finally, Father Chris Alar tells the story of his grandmother’s suicide and the priest who gave him hope to pray for her soul years later. He tells us that God “knows every single prayer we will ever make, whether they are in the past, present, or future. And He is omnipotent (meaning all-powerful), so He can take all those prayers into account and apply them to any point in time, even to the past” (62). Father Alar’s book gave me hope that I can help those I love who have died by suicide and drug overdoses. I recommend this book to anyone who is grieving a loss of any kind and especially those who are trying to process suicide deaths or those who died outside the Catholic Faith.
This review is dedicated to Adam. RIP 8/29/81-2/26/20.
Most Catholic books I have read that addressed the topic of suicide offered no hope for these souls. None would directly state that a soul who died by suicide is 100% in hell, but most insinuated that they were. According to My Catholic Faith (1954), “... [a soul who dies by suicide] sins against himself, by plunging his soul mercilessly into hell… if he commits suicide, he will only be preparing it [his soul] for the torments of hell” (217). So much shame is heaped on the suffering person who dies this way. These individuals are considered morally defective and not worth remembering or honoring. For example, My Catholic Faith states that “suicide is the result of lack of religion. Suicide is usually committed by one who has gotten into trouble or committed some great sin” (217) and that those who die that way should be denied Christian burial.
Father Chris Alar never downplays the moral gravity of suicide and the fact that a soul can truly be lost to hell through this act. However, he uses support from the catechism, saints, mystics, and current research on mental illness and drug addiction to provide real hope for souls we may have written off. He cites the Austrian mystic, Maria Simma, famous for her numerous visits from the souls in Purgatory, as saying, “Up to now, I have never encountered the case of a suicide who was lost– this doesn’t mean, of course, that that doesn’t exist–but often, the souls tell me that those most guilty were those around them, when they were negligent or spread calumny…” (49). Father Alar also refers to Saint Faustina’s diary and the message of Divine Mercy. He discusses a vision in which Jesus told St. Faustina He visits a despairing soul three times, giving that soul three opportunities to accept Him. Father Alar also reminds us of the three conditions necessary for a sin to be considered mortal (grave matter, full knowledge, and full consent of the will) and that many people who commit suicide are missing full consent of the will. In cases of extreme mental torment, illness, or drug addiction, a person’s will is likely not free.
Finally, Father Chris Alar tells the story of his grandmother’s suicide and the priest who gave him hope to pray for her soul years later. He tells us that God “knows every single prayer we will ever make, whether they are in the past, present, or future. And He is omnipotent (meaning all-powerful), so He can take all those prayers into account and apply them to any point in time, even to the past” (62). Father Alar’s book gave me hope that I can help those I love who have died by suicide and drug overdoses. I recommend this book to anyone who is grieving a loss of any kind and especially those who are trying to process suicide deaths or those who died outside the Catholic Faith.
This review is dedicated to Adam. RIP 8/29/81-2/26/20.
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