All I Ask

by Eva Crocker

A little before seven in the morning, Stacey wakes to the police pounding on her door. They search her home and seize her computer and her phone, telling her they're looking for "illegal digital material." Left to unravel what's happened, Stacey must find a way to take back the privacy and freedom she feels she has lost.

Luckily, she has her friends. Smart and tough and almost terrifyingly open, Stacey and her circle are uncommonly free of biases and boundaries, but this incident reveals how they are still susceptible to society's traps. Navigating her way through friendship, love, and sex, Stacey strives to restore her self-confidence and to actualize the most authentic way to live her life—one that acknowledges both her power and her vulnerability, her joy and her fear.

All I Ask is a bold and bracing exploration of what it's like to be young in a time when everything and nothing seems possible. With a playwright's ear for dialogue and a wry, delicate confidence, Eva Crocker writes with a compassionate but unsentimental eye on human nature that perfectly captures the pitfalls of relying on the people you love.

Genres: Canada, Fiction, Audiobook, Contemporary, LGBT, Queer, Canadian Literature

320 pages, Paperback

First published August 4, 2020

Reviews

[Bandit · Rating 2 out of 5]

One of the best and most memorable moments of the entire show Girls was when the creator/lead proclaims she might be the voice of her generations…or a voice of a generation. So here’s the thing…if ever generation is to be given a voice, much like Girls, this novel speaks volumes for the millennial tribe. The confused, somewhat unwashed, romantically challenged, underemployed, wishy washy bunch of people who were raised to believe they were special and can’t reconcile themselves to the world who quite vehemently doesn’t share that belief. Yes, I know, it’s a huge generalization, but just about every millennial I know fits it to a tee and I believe in empirical evidence, so there you go. And so this novel is about one of these young people, specifically a 26 year old aspiring actress who juggles low paying gigs to afford a somewhat impoverish existence in a shabby apartment share. The novel actually starts fairly dynamically (comparing to the rest of it) with the cops busting in, accusing her of internet crimes and confiscating her computer and phone. And to her credit, she manages pretty well without for someone from a generation that is raised with both semipermanently attached to their persons. And from there on the novel sort of ambles around that. The protagonist’s life is revealed through glimpses of past and present, arranged haphazardly without exact chapter limitations to a somewhat confusing effect. She meets and dates a girl, despite only having been with men before, because millennials are flexible that way. She hangs out with her friend. She tries to get her technology back. She eventually comes to realize that maybe her civil rights were trampled on in the process and lukewarmly tries to address that. But lukewarmly is kind of a main note here, the entire thing is like one large lukewarm slice of life that goes on and then just ends. I mean, at random, like the author suddenly decided she’s done. And sure, not every novel requires a precise three act narrative structure, but something as boneless as this certainly might have used one. The thing is the writing itself is actually quite good, the author certainly has a talent for character descriptions (albeit in that all too realistic sweaty hairy sort of way) and an ear for dialogue, but that alone isn’t quite enough, certainly not to give this novel a shape it can maintain or even a curb appeal it can sustain. Much like a proper millennial, this is a shrug of a novel. Decently executed shrug, but shrug nonetheless. A very good generational representation from an anthropological perspective, but leaves a lot to be desired as a novel. Quite possibly this would be entirely more relatable and therefore engaging to a younger audience. Thanks Netgalley.

[Stella · Rating 1 out of 5]

This....had a good start. Cops bust into a house and take Stacey's phone and computers. What then follows is a rambling diatribe about being poor in your 20s. I did not enjoy this.

It's the definition of navel gazing and the embodiment of the shrug emoji.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review.

[Louise · Rating 1 out of 5]

A boring book about twenty-somethings with boring lives. "I got up. I ate toast. I went to work. I went out. I hooked up and had sex." Then just add useless descriptions as filler.

[Jill S · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is more like a 3.5, but rounding up for Newfoundland setting and queer rep.

I'm thrilled that All I Ask is on the 2020 Giller Prize longlist, and I think deservedly so. The characters are really strong and the sense of place could not be more pronounced. I liked the relationships Crocker built in here; they all feel very real and very relatable. This book does suffer from some debut novel-ism: unnecessary over-description, a bit of a meandering plot that doesn't have a strong payoff. This feels like it could be broken up into short stories and be equally, if not more, effective.

I love Eva Crocker's writing and while this book didn't quite meet the (insanely high) expectations I had put on it, I will absolutely continue to pick up everything she publishes.

[Frederic Fovet]

This gives 'dreadful' an all new meaning. I cannot for the life of me figure out how such an absurd text made it to a publisher and then to press. It is random, pointless, shallow, trivial, and even repulsive in places. It is so ghastly and meaningless that you wonder at times if it was computer generated. There is actually a sordid fascination that creeps up about one third in where you continue reading just to see how bad it can get, and trust me it gets worse - consistently mind numbingly vacuous until the very last page. How this parades as an upcoming Canadian voice in fiction does not say much about the state of our national literary standards. That it markets itself as an LGBTQ book is just beyond ridiculous and frankly very sad.

[prescribed · Rating 4 out of 5]

The level of bizarre detail in this book makes it feel more than cinematic and biographical, but like deja vu. I was so entrenched in the scenes, that the main character, Stacey, became me and I saw the world through her eyes. I've never read anything that painted the day-to-day poverty and often emptiness of post-millenial existence as this book does. Likewise, it captures the emotional role that texting and technology play within our relationships in a way that few writers are honest enough to acknowledge. Although I feel a little unsatisfied by the loose ends this story leaves, I think I'm confident enough to fill in the blanks. What I liked best was the modern day haunted house portrayed in this book. There may not be ghosts and spirits, but there are mice, and frigid breezes, and something even more deadly and unspeakable.

[Taylor Mooney · Rating 5 out of 5]

reading a book that reflects details of the st. john’s i used to live in at a time when i am unexpectedly back in newfoundland, waiting out the pandemic, having seemingly slipped back into my old life of punk shows and staying up too late partying and desperation slices from venice and aimlessly walking around the battery......... felt like a fever dream

[Teena in Toronto · Rating 2 out of 5]

Stacey is a 26-year-old aspiring actress living in St. John's, NF. She works for a theatre in the box office and as a bartender, and picks up odd jobs doing voiceover work. Her best friend is Viv and for a few years she shared an apartment with Viv and Mike, Viv's boyfriend. When Viv and Mike want to get their own place, Stacey shares an apartment with Holly, who she had recently met.

Early one morning the police come pounding on Stacey and Holly's door looking for illegal digital material. Stacey is home alone and has to deal with it. They confiscate all of Stacey's and Holly's electronic devices. Not only has Stacey lost her phone and laptop so she can't communicate with anyone, she feels violated and paranoid that the police are now watching her.

I like reading books that are written by Canadian authors and set in Canada. The story started off interesting with the police showing up at Stacey's door and I was wondering what they would find and why. But then it became a hot mess, focusing more on Stacey's budding relationship with Kris. The illegal digital material case took a backseat and fell flat, which was disappointing.

Perhaps I'm not the target demographic since I'm not in my twenties, trying to advance my career or gay/bisexual (Stacey has an issue with both terms). It is written in first person perspective in Stacey's voice. The story jumped around in time, back and forth, with no warning providing background about Stacey.

I didn't find the characters likable. They are supposed to be in their mid-twenties but they acted younger and less mature. When I started reading, I assumed they were around 20 so was surprised when I came across their age.

For some reason, Stacey has a couple of cats ... why when she can barely afford to feed herself? The only time she seems concerned about them is when the police are there ... she keeps asking them to close the door so the cats don't get out. Otherwise, it doesn't seem like she feeds them, takes care of them or is around them much. And why are their names Snot and Courtney?!

Then the story ends abruptly. Huh?

As a head's up, there is swearing and explicit adult activity.

Blog review post: http://www.teenaintoronto.com/2020/06...

[Eugène L. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rather nice story about a girl in her twenties who is not quite sure of what to do with her life. So, she works odd jobs and goes partying. Nothing much happens. The most dramatic event in her whole life is an unexpected police search (apparently by mistake) and seizure of her computer and phone for several days.

The narrator makes a point of describing every minor detail of her life – everything she does, sees, and thinks. Which obviously makes a lot of sense to the protagonist, but not necessarily to the reader.

As a result, we have an excellent sketch of the contemporary Newfoundland life: how are people biking, skating, partying, having sex, and walking their dogs; what furniture do they have; what shows do they watch; what is written on a wall; how pubs and stores look like; what’s on the radio, etc. An anthropologist could base a whole Ph.D thesis on nothing but this novel. And historians of the future would find this book priceless as a source of genuine first-hand information on the narrator’s time and place.

The book would be also helpful for tourists as it gives an insight into St. John’s geography and toponymy.

As for the rest of the readers, they might find that the story goes ahead way tooooo slowly. Like in a 18th-century novel: “Chapter XXXVIII, where nothing much happens.”

Mentally, many characters are still kids, although they are living on their own and having sex. Comparing to other countries, and even to some districts in Canada, they live in comfort and security – even though they believe that the world is dangerous.

Some reviewers say that the protagonist is a “voice of millennials.” Well, I am not so sure: in every post-WW2 generation (in North America that is) there were young people like Stacy and her friends. Also, she occasionally meets young parents “in their late twenties, just a bit older than me,” who obviously do not have much time/energy for partying and drinking tequila from plastic water guns. So, different “millennials” might have different voices.

Résumé: overall, the novel is nice. But I wish it was more dynamic, less detailed, and with a stronger plot and ending.

[ratherreadrandi · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don’t think I’ve ever read a more boring book. I described it to my husband as the book equivalent of eating a plain mashed potato. Dry, flavourless, bland. The first chapter started off strong, but took a sharp nosedive from there. The ending really felt like the author suddenly realized they have no plot so just stopped writing. Ugh

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I just relived my angst filled 20's. It was captured beautifully.

[Rocklee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I nearly fell out of my chair when I realized struggling Stacey was 26 years old. As I was beginning the story, I imagined I was reading about someone who was in her late teens and ill-equipped to deal with life’s difficult issues.

The positives of the story? Eva Crocker can write. The book is Canadian and set in Canada. It is published by Canadian Anansi Press. All good things that will draw me to a book.

The negatives? While the characters had potential, they were mostly vapid, struggling along with life in order to house, clothe, and feed themselves. I struggled with the dialogue and was hoping it was a snapshot of teen-speak. I had to look up the meaning of “a cis person” and continue to be unsure. The cats? What kind, empathetic person names a cat “Snot”? It is something a teenaged girl might think is rebellious or funny. It isn’t. And, it is startling to think that the loss of a mobile phone and access to the internet can completely immobilize today’s youth. Who knew pranks involving gluing toonies and condoms to Food Court floors would ever be amusing to today’s youth?

Clearly, the writing, the story, and the personalities were not for my demographic - or, perhaps just NOT for me. I will try to read pretty much anything, I guess it is back to Miss Marple, Jack Reacher, or Kinsey Milhone for me. Even so, Eva Crocker, you are able to string words into very readable sentences. But, for future books, I think you should finish the story you are trying to tell. This seemed to just end in the middle of a paragraph.

I read this as an e-book on loan from my library.

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

This one was a mixed bag for me. Started off a bit rough - almost gave up in the middle but then it slowly grew on me. I enjoyed getting to experience all the young 20s, coming into your own and figuring life out stuff. Great book highlighting a young queer woman's relationships in a positive, normalizing way. There's not really a 'plot' with this story in that there's no linear direction. It just sort of meanders around touching on issues of privacy and personal information in the digital age and the invasion of such by the police. The ending was SUPER random and left me wondering, what, that's it?? Really? (Which I guess is a good thing? - Always leave them wanting more I suppose). Overall, lots of good qualities but not your average type of story. If you're looking for typical point A to point B with a satisfying ending you won't find that here.

[Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I thought the writing in this novel was good, I just couldn't build up any enthusiasm for the plot. Basically, it is a few months in the life of a 26 year old living in St. John's as she struggles along living her life with part time jobs, friends, and, oh yes, the police arriving with a warrant to search her house for illegal digital material. Unfortunately, I'm guessing I'm not in the targeted demographic for this novel.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very meandering but I found this book super addictive. The hyper-precise descriptions of adolescence in mid-aughts Atlantic Canada were painfully accurate.

Awful jacket design and even worse blurb/summary from the publisher. Also, a goal for 2021: stop comparing every millennial woman writer to Sally Rooney!

[Heather Picco · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars for St. John’s nostalgia during my University years. However the plot line started good with the cop bust and just seemed to dwindle and then doddle on with no real purpose in sight thereafter...

[Darryl Suite · Rating 5 out of 5]

I DNF this book last year because I thought it was blah and aimless. I gave it a second chance because a friend raved about it; his review intrigued me. Well, I’m so glad I revisited this. I was totally absorbed this time. It could still be considered an “aimless” read but it’s aimlessness is for a reason. Annoying/frustrating aka painfully human characters, natural dialogue, adept social commentary on being young, poor, idealistic, and living in a heavily digitalized (and surveillance) world. Loved this one. More to come.

[Stephen Ring · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ending kind of left things up in the air, but there were some tensions and relationships resolved, begun, and left with question marks. It seemed to be a bundle of shorter stories loosely tied together to form a novel. I could erasily see this as about four short stories developed independent of one another. Perhaps that comes from the author previous work in short stories.

[Michaela Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has a slow start, but it's so worth it. Eva Crocker's characters are relatable and well-rounded. Her exploration of sexuality, grief, and trauma for a young, queer woman in the Maritimes was very impressive. All I Ask was never predictable.

[Ben Truong · Rating 3 out of 5]

All I Ask is a contemporary written by Eva Crocker, and is the Together We Read via the Toronto Public Library book for the 11 August–25 August 2021 period. It is an interesting existential exploration of a twenty-something year old woman, whose life is turned upside-down when she is under investigation of having illegal digital materials.

Stacey is a young woman living on the east coast of Canada. She has a part-time job at a local theatre, dreams of becoming a serious actress, and finds herself in romantic relationships with both men and women. She has a best friend Viv who she's lived with for years, but when Viv wants to get her own place with her boyfriend, Stacey is forced to move in with another young woman, Holly, who she likes but doesn't know all that well.

One morning Stacey is woken up by a loud banging on the door and police barging into her house and confiscating all laptops, phones, and hard drives with a warrant based on finding illegal digital material. Shaken up by the encounter, we follow Stacey through the next few weeks and months of her life as her relationship with Holly crumbles and the aftermath of the police intrusion destroys her self-confidence.

Her parents, girlfriend, and friends all have a different opinion of what Stacey should do about this intrusion on her privacy, but Stacey struggles to decide for herself what she truly wants to do.

All I Ask is written moderately well. The novel is a wonderful character study and an encapsulation of a particular time and place. Plot and prose are rendered perfectly and the ending will drive readers to scribble questions in the margins. However, the narrative could be dull as times as it describes the banal things that a typical adult in the twenties would do during this existential period of their lives.

All in all, All I Ask is a bold and bracing exploration of what it's like to be young in a time when everything and nothing seems possible.

[DW]

I liked the pacing. Everything felt slow. Every detail of her life put there to just be, largely free of heavy-handedness. Best description of how gross cat litter is that I've ever read, which is actually quite hard to do. Blech. Cat litter. Lol, there are lots better moments than this, but this is the author's dedication to detail!

It was enough details that you felt immersed. However, as only good writers can do, the details add up to a sum where you feel both in the protagonist's head AND in the moment. I love that feeling and it was kept throughout.

This approach helped carry the message: how absolutely messed up interacting with the police can be when you are on the wrong end of it. How horrifying it can be to have your digital life confiscated and the reasoning be absolutely opaque and non-committal.

The book feels very young, which I liked as well. Reminded me of how much has changed since I was in my 20s. Lots is different from me and the protagonist beyond age: generation and experiences and identity. But some of the hang-ups are the same. Every little detail does feel that huge, which brought me closer to empathizing with her.

I picked this up as part of the 'Together We Read' online book club. I was pleased to see a book that was not boring and tenative (there are actual queer sex scenes *gasp* for example) be selected. Usually I find the publisher sponsored book clubs for libraries be really dull, so this was a nice change.

[Ceeceereads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was young, fresh, and gritty, a female voice that was like watching an episode of Girls- but in a slightly more downcast town in Canada. It was written in an introspective style and the characters were so tangible they may as well have been walking on the street outside. It’s not a fast-paced book with loads going on. It’s more a look at the everyday life of a young woman trying to get where shes going. 4 stars.

[Anneka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rounded up. I’m intrigued by the element of feeling like she told us everything…but also sometimes didn’t really give any true emotion about it. But maybe some of that was the narrator’s interpretation?
Pretty sure I wouldn’t have read this if it wasn’t available as audio nor if it hadn’t been a Together We Read selection.

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved this book. The plot was interesting, but what was really interesting to me was the "slice of life" and the feeling of this book. This book is set in present day, and the main character is queer, but I've never read something that reminded me so much of life in my 20s, and what it's like to live with little money, sketchy rentals, roommates, precarious job situations, going to artsy gigs, trying to meet people, and that sense of "I have no clue what I'm doing."

I liked the realism of this book. Excited to see what Eva Crocker does next.

[Jane · Rating 1 out of 5]

What??!!

When I see, "Giller Prize ", there is a voice inside me that screams. " Your not going to like this".
ALAS,, This months Bookclub choice.. so a must read.
The Voice inside me was validated.. :(

[Dawn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Remaining unfinished at 36% complete. No interest in the story. No interest in her life, before or after the cops arrive. Discussions about roommates and bad rentals and strange landlords were not stimulating or curious or funny or anything other than a slog to get through.

[Sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved everything about this book

[Linda Churchill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the type of book that I enjoy reading! It was really “ Much ado about nothing” . If we weren’t reading it for book club, I wouldn’t have finished it.

[Elisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a struggle to finish. There was a lot of random name dropping and the story didn’t seem to progress and then it just ended. Did not like the style at all and regret picking it up.

[Dawn Cartwright · Rating 4 out of 5]

This reads like Coupland's Generation X, for Millenials. With more sex.

Reading this felt like my mid 20s: Being lost, rudderless, underemployed and underambitioned, navigating tech, politics, social hierarchies, and relationships.