Diary of a Death Doula: 25 Lessons the Dying Teach Us about the Afterlife

by Debra Diamond

Sooner or later, everyone eventually asks questions about end of life. What happens to me when my physical body dies? Is there an afterlife? If so, where do I go? Do my loved ones meet me? Will they usher me to the next plane of existence? In Diary of a Death Doula, psychic medium, and near-death experience researcher Debra Diamond presents the story of life as a hospice 'Death Doula', revealing 25 critical life lessons from those at the threshold of the afterlife, and those who have already crossed over, ultimately revealing a new way of understanding death.

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Audiobook, Spirituality

224 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 25, 2019

About the author

Once, a Wall Street money manager. Now, an artist, writer, thinker, psychic.
I left a high-profile life to pursue a life of purpose and spirituality as a speaker, teacher and author.

Reviews

[Terrie Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diary of a Death Doula by Debra Diamond is Interesting, Fascinating, and Unverifiable!

I thought it might be interesting to hear about the role of a Death Doula directly from someone who is one. My curiosity stems from my sister's recent passing, just over a month ago.

I have experienced the dying process with my mother Monica's passing ten years ago. She was ninety-six years old, on hospice, her end of life imminent, and I was at her bedside when she passed. It was an incredibly spiritual experience and one I will never forget.

It was a completely different experience with my sister Sandi's passing. Unlike Mom, her death was unexpected and no one was present when she died at home. All I could think about, for days-on-end, was how alone she must have felt in the last minutes of her life. It haunted me.

This author is not only a Death Doula, but she is also a medium, psychic, and near-death experience researcher. During her work-day as a hospice Death Doula she talks to hospice patients who are at the edge of death and their loved ones who have already crossed over. From these telepathic conversations, if you will, she has compiled 25 lessons she has learned from them about the afterlife.

The metaphysical aspects of the author's life doesn't bother me or turn me off in any way. In fact, I find her offered information extremely fascinating, and I feel open to the possibilities. Even though what she describes is unverifiable, it has given me and others hope and comfort to believe it's what takes place as we are at the cusp of death.

I won't be giving any detail into the 25 lessons as that would enter into spoiler territory. What I will say is, if you are curious, have a need for answers like I did, or enjoy diving into similar subject matter, give this one a listen or read.

Do I believe all of what Dr. Diamond describes in this book?

Maybe, maybe not.

What I do believe is, I'm in a much better place mentally after listening to this audiobook and knowing that, maybe, my sister wasn't alone after all!

4⭐

[Jamie Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Fresh Perspective on Death

As an RN, I had my share of experiences with death and the dying process. Until I was a nurse, I didn't really have that much direct experience with it. It is a complex moment both for the person who is dying and their family and friends. There can be so many reactions to terminal illness or the natural end of life. I think the concept of a death doula is an interesting one, and one that would be of great value. At my hospital when a baby is born, they play a short snippet from a lullaby. I often thought that the end of a life in a hospital setting should have some sort of salvo as well. So I was intrigued to read this book to see this author's take on the dying process, death, and the afterlife.

I found the metaphysical part of this book to be fascinating. The 25 lessons learned from different people's deaths were surprisingly compelling, but not macabre, read. Despite the topic, I found this book to be uplifting and true to what I myself have experienced at the bedside of someone actively dying. The book is well written and well organized. I liked how the author explored the cultural, religious, and scientific perspectives on death as well as the 25 lessons. Definitely, American society is not comfortable with death even though it is our inevitable end. I saw this cause such heartache on multiple occasions. If someone close to you is at end-stage terminal illness or is it otherwise in failing end-of-life health, reading this book will give you a different perspective that will help you and help them make that transition more smoothly.

I received a free copy of this book, but that did not affect my review.

My book blog: https://www.readingfanaticreviews.com

[Alesa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoiler alert. This book definitely has some woo-woo aspects. The author, after all, is a psychic medium in addition to being a death doula, or midwife to the dying. So if you are not open to this kind of stuff, it's not the book for you.

Okay, that said, there's a lot of fascinating material here. The author is able to communicate with people as they leave their bodies, talk with them about what is going on, "lock in" with them at a heart level, and reassure their loved ones here on earth about what is transpiring. I found this to be helpful, dispelling some of the fear surrounding death. Here are a few takeaways:

* Dying can be hard work. So if the person seems far away, or sleeping a lot, they are probably resting up, processing all of the inner changes that are going on. Don't be alarmed by this.

* "The first part of our 'lives' is linear while what lies beyond is free and unlimited."

* Virtually everyone she doula-ed experienced death as a blissful, freeing experience, where they were relieved of limitations and worries, and went to a much more beautiful, expansive place. They had no desire to remain here on earth.

* Our bodies and spirits know how to leave this life. We are guided in the process . "Another way to think of death is as a journey in which we move slowly, enjoying every step, never alone, always expanding, and surrounded by love."

* Some people truly wish to die alone, in privacy. They will wait until loved ones take a break and leave the room before passing. Also, some people don't want to be touched, as this anchors the soul to the body and disturbs/slows the natural process at work.

* Sometimes the soul leaves before the body is ready (and vice versa, I think). It's sort of like a baby knowing the exact moment when it should be birthed. We should respect a person's innate timing, and neither rush nor hurry death.

The book is written as an actual diary, so you follow the experiences of the author as she starts being an in-house doula at a hospice facility, and gradually learns during her first year as a volunteer.

If it looks like you might be dealing with death, either yours or a loved one's, and have an open mind, this could be a very helpful read.

[Marisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I'm a little disappointed by this book. I'm a death activist and historian, and so this seemed right up my alley, but I couldn't quite get on board the whole medium stuff. I hesitate to give the book a low rating just because my beliefs are different from the author's, but it can be alienating for people who don't share the same kind of Christian/afterlife beliefs. I was far more interested in Diamond's work as a death doula rather than as a medium, and I wish that that had been the bigger focus of the book. Also, Diamond doesn't offer much variation in her cases. They all sound the same and become redundant after a while.

For those who have views in line with the author, I can see how this book would be beneficial. For those who are looking for more of a personal look at a death doula's work, I would not recommend.

[David Torgerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many books on spirituality, but never one by a professed medium. Though I have had my own numerous experiences which assured me the reality of the spiritual realm, I have been suspicious of most who proclaim the ability to see and hear in a realm most of us don't. This author is one I feel comfortable with. She was successful in the business world of finance but says she was aware of her spiritual gifts since childhood. So she decides to leave behind the world of business and spends some of her time as a death doula, something I never knew existed. It is interesting to me that I should decide to read this book shortly after a very close friend of mine just passed. My visits with my friend while he was in hospice and unconscious would not have changed much knowing what I do now, from this book, as my faith in what awaited him was quite strong. The author's ability to converse with the dying, unconscious patients as well as their deceased relatives and friends was fascinating and believable, as there is plenty of evidence that consciousness survives outside of the physical brain. The author is to be commended for her chosen volunteer work and this book is a gift to anyone who will spend time with loved ones in a hospice. She makes it clear there is nothing to fear when our bodies finally give out and our eternal souls are surrounded by spiritual beings and loved ones as we journey in the next realm. Each chapter gives a lesson she has learned during her first year of doula work. She is a very down-to-earth person and I would read anything else she writes.

[Janall · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher and net Gallery for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I selected this book because I wanted to hear the perspective of someone who helps usher people into eternal sleep- just as a midwife user babies into life. I was surprised that in all the stories in the book, only one of her patients is conscious, all the rest are non responsive. The book would be pretty short, just sitting quietly by the bedside of a person in a vegetative state. She knows next to nothing about them and seldom interacts with family members. “Fortunately” she is also psychic and can communicate with the nearly deceased and their spirit guides.
I’m very open to life after death and perhaps even psychic ability- but I just don’t believe this author because while each of us dies in our own time, there is no human variation to the stories. All of the dying say the EXACT same thing: Almost word for word.It’s peaceful here on this spiritual plane, and I want to go into the light. I feel surrounded by love. They see their spirit guides ( previously deceased loved ones) but not one of them comments on how much they missed their mother, or spouse. Also not a single person has one iota of care about what they are leaving behind- not a care for their grieving spouse , or regrets of something done or not done.
If this material was a magazine article, it would be interesting, but reading story after identical story just becomes a drag, and instead of lending credibility, actually detracts from it.

[Louise Foerster · Rating 3 out of 5]

Diary of a Death Doula provides insight into death and dying from the point of view of an intelligent, compassionate, intuitive, and ultimately kind and loving human being. I learned a great deal about death and dying, had my own experiences confirmed, and was pleased to feel supported in reading about a typically uncomfortable and unsavory and ultimately true fact of life: we die. In Diary of a Death Doula, Debra Diamond shares experiences in her first year of volunteering as a doula. I wanted more, so much more that passages of brilliance, near-poetic expression of the ineffable hurt to read. The book is structured much like the diary of a middle school child, complete with the weather, the comings and goings of inconsequential, the drive to work, the snacks in the break room. The structure and the arms-length view of a transformational year in the life of an exceptional woman ultimately frustrated, infuriated, and made me feel like I was cheated out of getting to know a calling, a different aspect of reality, and the experience of a gifted, accomplished person who went from Wall Street to bedside and never shared why or how--respecting privacy is one thing, failing to link parts of life and feelings fails the tidbits of incidents that never coalesced into a story. With that story, her insights and list of facts about death would have been all the more powerful and meaningful. I don't regret having read the book, because I enjoyed spending time with an exceptional person, but I am disappointed in how an incredible story was dumbed down and muffled.

[Sophie-Leigh Robbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book sheds an extraordinary light on the question of life and death in a spiritual way: what happens to our soul at end of life? Even if you don't believe in these kind of things, this book is still extremely helpful as it clues readers in on the process of actively dying. Death is a topic that lots of people try to stay away from, yet all of us will be confronted with sooner or later. There's a common set of experiences - internal as well as physical - that dying people go through. This book can broaden people's awareness of what exactly goes on in hospice and can bring comfort to those losing a loved one.

[Dr Kashmira Gohil · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writer tells about her experiences as a death doula and psychic medium. Death doula is someone who sits besides a person who's dying or near death, in hospital setting. The idea was quite new to me. I don't think there's this concept in India yet. As a death doula and medium, the author reiterated the belief that there's something after life, that soul survives the physical death and goes to another existence. I basically heard this book on audible and I found the narrator soothing. When you listen to the book rather than read, a lot depends on narrator (voice, neutral accent etc) too I guess, a crucial determining point as to whether you would like to go on with book or not. 3 stars to this one.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fascinating book! Perhaps atheists might not be interested, but I suspect both the anecdotes about dying patients and the lessons Diamond draws from them would appeal to a wide spectrum of readers, from agnostics to active church members, from New Age types to folks who rarely ponder things spiritual. One reason for this wide appeal is the diversity of patient experiences, because, after all, the patients themselves arrive at hospice with widely diverse views about what happens after death. In addition, the author is careful about the terms she uses to describe the “journeys” dying patients take. For the most part, she chooses well, avoiding terms like “heaven” and “hell,” while not coming across as a New Age cliché. That’s no mean feat. Her writing style is highly accessible: clean, straightforward, with occasional insertions of humor. Diamond’s status as a medium as well as “just” a hospice volunteer may put off some skeptics, but much of her medium work at a patient’s bedside sounds a lot like highly tuned empathy. Admittedly, one reason why I found this book so compelling is because it validates some of my own (psychic?) hunches, gleaned from my loved ones’ dying processes. It also affirms some intriguing anecdotes I’ve heard from hospice nurses. The book has elements of Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross’s research into Near Death Experiences (the white light, the welcome from deceased loved ones), but there are some differences, as well. Some other works that address the dying process and seek to comfort the terminally ill and their loved ones strike me as patronizing, gooey or irrelevant. Not the case here. Diamond draws parallels between dying and being born. Both processes play out in their own time frame; both require considerable effort and psychological/spiritual adjustment. Whatever else dying may be, it ain’t boring.

[Hazel · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I saw Diary of a Death Doula I had to read it. I am very death positive and wanted to learn more about what a Death Doula did and her role in the end of life process for the patients in the hospice she works in.
I found the book fascinating, especially since Debra is also a medium so she can see who is awaiting the dying on the next plane, and can converse with the person dying mentally.
I would highly reccomend this book.

Thanks to Netgalley and John Hunt Publishing for the ARC Copy. ( My review is my own opinion)

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful message this book has. I have always believed that at the end of life we don’t just cease to exist. There is so much more after our time on earth. This book talks about the experience of dying in a beautiful sense. This is a well written and positive message on a subject that so many people can’t or won’t talk about. I will be purchasing this book and gifting it to friends I feel would enjoy it as much as I did.

[CLAIR Withers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Diary of a death Doula

I quite enjoyed reading this book. It certainly gives you a lot to think about. I’d recommend reading this if you have a fear of dying and believe there is more to come. Thanks Debra

[Maxine Thelwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learning more about death

Well written and very informative.

As an 81 year old I am more interested in exploring this type of information and it has very helpful in understanding the deaths of others where I was present

[Alma J Schofield · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sincere read.

Dr. Diamond's book was inspiring, honest, sincere, as well as informative. I highly recommend this book to anyone who may have questions about an afterlife. This s book confirms what I believe religiously and spiritually.

[Lisa Rivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book! I applaud the author for having the courage to share her experience as a Death Doula seeing the journey of death and dying as a Spiritual one rather than a medical experience.

[Signe · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm disappointed as I thought this would relay more substantial information about being a doula that wasn't biased by a Christian/pop culture view of the afterlife.

Most "information" in the book is not from those passing themselves, but the author using her ESP to communicate with the dead and the recently deceased to ask them questions -- the answers to which all sound exactly the same, as if her mind is mediating the responses (or creating them) to fit with her pre-existing beliefs.

She states at one point that "Tibetan Buddhists get it right" (or something to that effect), but then everything she says goes against Tibetan tradition. For example, Tibetans do not want to go towards the dim, familiar light of deceased relatives when they pass, but the bright, overwhelming light that has nothing to ado with the familiar and everything to do with recognizing one's true nature and "waking up".

If she is conversing with the dead via mediumship, then the first question she should ask is, "what was your belief system while alive and how did that shape your death?" because I think that what she represents is a very standard WASP belief/experience of death. This is an extremely limited view. I prefer Deepak Chopra's wider view as expressed in "Life After Death", and I would prefer to hear more of what it's like to be a doula, or what patients express to her while in the dying process, not her opinions on what she thinks happens after death via info gleaned through mediumship. Mediums are all biased; lived experience is not.

If you have read many books about death + dying, I don't think there's much here for you. "Lessons" like, "they can still hear you" are widely accepted phenomenon now and not something that bears repeating unless writing a primer. It may have been the way the audiobook was read and not the content, but there was a tiny bit of the feeling that this woman thinks she's Gods' gift to the dying instead of a real live human. I could be wrong about the author herself, but the book did give me that icky feeling and I found it more than slightly repulsive. If you have the gift of being psychic, please ask the patients psychically if they even want you to sit with them! Don't just knock and announce that you're coming in as if it's a given that they want you there. You have no idea how invasive a hospital environment can be, especially to certain patient populations (which you know won't know if your client belongs to) and they may just want to be left alone. Nurses often think a blaring TV is "comfort" for those left to die alone, and this doula thinks her presence is the fix. Oh brother. You need to ask more questions, Ms. Diamond.

One issue about being a doula just struck me: you are coming in at the very end of the process and your knowledge is limited. You haven't been with the patients when they were functional, and you do not know them. It's very different if you're a chaplaincy student or a co-patient. Co-patients in particular are with those who will die 24/7, for weeks. They are often the doulas when there's nobody else around, and they are the best equipped in many ways. This is why death + dying is so important and I hope that everyone becomes interested in it, because you never know when you will have to step into this position even when it's not your official title. Just don't use this book as your main guide.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I found this book to be a great resource for anyone interested in becoming a Death Doula or volunteering their time at a hospice facility or palliative care unit. There's much to be admired here about the personal accounts of patients and their family/friend networks and the work the importance of the work that a skilled doula can bring to these people at perhaps the most vulnerable time in their life since their birth. My biggest criticism is that the book relied overly on the author's personal experiences as a psychic medium. Whether you believe in this ability or not, her observations were interesting, but provided a singular point-of-view that was clearly inspired by her own personal beliefs in God, angels, spirits and the afterlife, that I could fully appreciate but also had to take with a grain of salt, since my own spiritual beliefs are much different than hers. That's not to say her views are not valid--for her, I'm sure they're very valid--but other philosophies do exist that are equally valid to the people who aspire to them.

[Diane Schertzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating page turner for me, since I had a spot-on psychic reading by Debra Diamond, when she was in Sarasota a few years ago.
I knew that the essence of the topic would be authentic, and from a perspective that most of us will never experience. I was not disappointed.
The cases that were covered in the book were written in a soothing, easy to understand format. Each ethereal conversation with the Hospice patient was handled in a loving and respectful manner. This perspective seemed so real and logical; it gives comfort for the knowledge shared, if you know of a loved one who is passing. The journey Debra describes is something I hadn't considered, and I find knowing this to be comforting. I especially enjoyed the sacred reflections for each patient, and the gift of knowledge shared by experience.

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I watched my grandpa transition for 3 weeks. From eating and enjoying food, to sleeping more and eating less, to requiring pain meds, mouth swaps, and all the other things...It was one of the honors of my life to be there for him and my family. What I wish I had perspective on, though, was exactly what Debra describes from her vantage point of being a medium. When the body is unresponsive but alive, where are their souls, and what is that experience like for them. Debra simply offers what her days looked like, what she saw, sensed, and heard from those dying. It reads like a clear and fast. And, feels full of love, hope, and true.

If you, too, are open to learning about death and what is possible from the perspective of a medium providing the service of being a death doula, then give this one a read or a listen 🙏🏼💗

[Ginae B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anytime we come upon one who deals with the topic of death on a consistent basis, we wonder how they do it. What do they hear and learn? What's it like?

Now, we have Diary of a Death Doula. We learn how this volunteer functions amongst other end-of-life persons. There's not a lot to do. Yet, they question their efficacy.

Diary...is well-organized. It is divided into four parts;

1. Cultural Beliefs
2. Dr. Diamond's background
3. Individual cases
4. Consciousness examined.

Dr. Diamond reverberates with correctness, honor and dignity. We can become less anxiety ridden, the more we know. Our culture and the norms that reside within are very different from the times of ancient history.

Change that.

[Elise Ravenclaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enlightening

I found the connections the author made with the actively dying and their Spirit families to be revealing and interesting. It gives a much needed perspective of what really goes on in death and that the dying process is not to be feared.

That said, I am left with some questions that I wish the author would address in another book: what happens in cases of sudden death, such as accidents or murder? What happens when the spirit hasn't had the time to prepare? Are there Spirit guides that show up as well? What about ghosts? Can ghosts be helped to find their way to where they need to go? What about people who commit suicide?

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one - family, partner, friend, and dealing with that loss can be so difficult. This book offers insight into death, and may offer some comfort for those looking for answers after the death of someone close to them. I don't want to give any spoilers, but I found the book well-written, and an interesting read. Having experienced quite a few losses of my own, I also found this comforting to a degree. I recommend this for anyone spiritual who is looking for some answers or comfort when it comes to death.

[David Catron · Rating 4 out of 5]

May feel a bit "New Agey" for some. She does discuss being a medium at some length, however the description of what happens at death agrees with other, more scientific descriptions. Overall, a very comforting book, especially if you are very fearful of dying. A useful addition to the literature of death and dying.

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book profound and deeply disturbing. Two years ago I sat with my husband as he lay dying and despite my reiki training I just felt a huge sense of loss and grief on my part. I wish I could believe in the life everlasting and the comfort of kind spirits waiting for us on death but I felt cheated from a final conversation with my husband to know that he was comfortable and happy.

[Britt LeBoeuf]

I've had an interest in being a death doula for some time now. So, when I saw this book, I knew I had to read it. Debra's background in the world of finance made this book even more intriguing to me. How did she go from that world to one as a death doula?

The author's account of her experiences working in hospice seemed align with everything I've ever known about such a facility. Her description of how death effects people differently is very accurate. She uniquely describes the physical stages we all go through as we get ready to pass on. All of which are things I've witnessed personally will sitting vigil at the bedside of loved ones as they died.

Debra's work as a Medium and Psychic, for me at least, only enhanced the book. The things she has witnessed while sitting with actively dying patients has been the same thing millions have been said to experience as they've died or died and come back. I found this part of the book fascinating. I appreciated hearing her experience as not only a death doula, but as a person who has tremendous gifts. This book did leave me with a sense of comfort about what comes next. Also, I smiled every time one of her patients stated that our loved ones that have passed are always with us in spirit. I know this to be true, so it was nice to read it in black and white.

[Yaleeza Patchett · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a practicing death doula this book was informative but overall just ok, I felt the 25 lessons could've been summed up to 10 lessons because towards the end it started sounding very repetitive, and author loved to mention her medium powers, I do believe in the spirit realm but they way she worded things sounded a bit pretentious in my opinion, it's a decent read but nothing awe inspiring

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

4+ The author writes beautifully about her experiences as a death doula in hospice. She, also having psychic abilities, shares her perceptions of patients in a coma, where they are in the in between. She also advises with helpful suggestions on how to be with the dying patients, their families, and friends. Very heartfelt.

[Sian Witch reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book fascinating
I'm not new to the concept of a Death Doula and am grateful for the work they do, infact its something I inspire to
This book was different from others I have read on the subject, and I found it fascinating to are the work through the authors work
I have rated it 4 stars purely because in parts it was a bit samey but will recommend this book highly

[Cherry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book and it was a bonus to me that the author wrote from the viewpoint of being a medium. Food for thought, and helpful for a culture that generally doesn't like to address this topic.
I received a free digital copy via NetGalley, however the opinions expressed are my own.