I'm feeling rather star generous tonight (4.22.22) and I have decided to retroactively add 1 star to this. Yesterday at work I did a really cool buy, and I only knew about half the stuff in it because I learned about it in this book. So I am thankful to Zambreno for exposing me to so many things and I clearly retained the info and curiosity because I wanted to call dibs on everything in there!
Another one of those books that make me feel like an uncultured swine who has never read a book in her life. This book is supposedly a “novel” and “fiction” but honestly it doesn’t even go into metafiction or autofiction it is straight up the author’s notebooks transcribed and rearranged. Why bother marking it as fiction? It even has the “resemblance to person places are purely coincidental etc” disclaimer on the copyright page. It was just a present-tense memoir like the Argonauts, you could even call this the Heterosexual Argonauts, a fact that the book itself admits. Zambreno mostly sits on the porch, looks at her dog, worries about the neighborhood stray cats, thinks about various writers and artists, and then the latter 3rd of the book is a pregnancy diary.
I have kept a journal continuously since I read the Diary of Anne Frank in first grade. I always have 2 notebooks going, 1 of which is my Journal with a capital J that has diary entries written in paragraphs, and the other which is lists, random thoughts, to-do, calendars, ideas, etc. I always have both in my backpack, but the diary gets filled in once a month while the notebook gets written in every single day. I often throw out the second category notebooks when I am done with them because they look like shit. Recently I realized that the list notebook is actually a far better depiction of my life and mind than the diaries. If I were some kind of historian studying me in the future after I’m dead, the list notebook would provide soooo much more information into my life and thoughts and self. Drifts helped me articulate why that is. When I write in a journal even if it’s the day of, I’m still memoir-izing and editorializing and streamlining things that happened that day. It’s in the past and I’m reflecting on it. Even if it was only that day I’m already smoothing it over and making it into a narrative for myself. In contrast, the list notebook or the notes app on my phone have thoughts jotted down in the present, or to-do lists for the future. It is in the present and unfiltered. Even if I try to be very honest in my journals, something is lost by the sheer fact of documenting it after the fact. It’s filtered by time. I thought back to Outlines by Rachel Cusk. That book talked about what is lost when you summarize or describe something and how you’re only ever able to give an outline of what happened/what is. In Drifts, Zambreno is trying to write something that is free of this.
I really liked when Kafka says he hasn’t written a word in months but has gone swimming every day for 3 months straight. I struggle to keep all my interests afloat, like right now I can’t knit at all due to wrist injury and I’m sad about it, but I’ve also read way way more so it’s ok to not be doing everything at 100% all of the time. In summer I read way less and go swimming much more too. Zambreno keeps procrastinating but a friend reassures her that all her Doing and Reading and Consuming of media/art is also writing because it’s going to inform her writing. Writers- they’re just like us!
I had always loved the format of journals or epistolary novels ever since I was little and reading those Royal Diaries books. It’s been a lifelong fascination that continues to this day. There’s nothing better than reading facsimiles of famous people’s notebooks and journals. 70% of this book is name-dropping or referencing other artists, but often I didn’t actually need to be familiar with their work because Zambreno was more interested in the lives of the artists than the work they produced. She read their journals, biographies, and correspondence. I have always been interested in this, I always want to know what the normal boring routine was for every historical figure. Zambreno and I have similar interests in that regard, where we find dailiness interesting instead of boring. Repetition and routine are soothing. For the first 100 days of covid I wrote down what I did that day every single day, even though the days were so boring and basically the same I still insisted on doing it. I wish we got to see more pics of Zambreno’s notebooks and handwriting.
Though I liked reading her thoughts, at times she was kinda insufferable. Her husband reads Simone Weil out loud to her on the train. I think if I saw that happening I would get a severe headache. Zambreno is fulfilling some white women stereotypes by being obsessed with dogs and her own period, but that’s life, I also love dogs and my days are ruled over by my menstrual cycle, I just know that neither of those facts are very interesting to other people. However the point of this book is to capture mundane dailiness etc, the “grief and ongoingness of everyday life”. Half of the book I was like….cheer up why don't ya!
Sometimes people care so much about living an aesthetic artful life they forget to LIVE! Uncharitably I thought of when I was in high school and would be like ‘I want to be a writer’ but later in life realized I actually don’t have anything to say. Or when people want to be artists and care more about ‘being an artist’ than the art itself. I guess the problem with wanting to live a monastic life of contemplation for art is that your life is then so boring you have no experiences to draw from. Maybe this is just me, but I’ve had periods where I’m like ‘I am going to seclude myself and dedicate myself to becoming smarter and reading a lot’. I did a lot of this when I had the time/freedom to in 2020 bc of unemployment and quarantine. Most people can’t ever get away like this but whatever privilege conversations go without saying it’s all been said before. Anyway, I’ve found that I actually read and think much more during busier seasons of life, probably because there is more stimulus to make connections to. When I’m trying to be monastic everything slips right out of my head. I’m just not someone who does well in solitude and nothingness I guess.
Zambreno compares her marriage to that of Rilke and his wife Clara. They said that marriage is being the guardian of each other’s solitude or something like that. I do not get this at all lol. I feel my relationship with my partner is about getting us to be more open to the world and actively avoiding retreating. I see that with my parents too, they are always getting each other out there. But that’s probably because isolation is much easier to fall into and you have to make an effort to join with the world.
I can’t believe adjunct professors don’t get the day off to GIVE BIRTH! Fucked up.
I soured a bit on this book when she started complaining about Ben Lerner getting a genius grant (75). Of course while reading this I was like “this is just like 10:04” because I read that in January. And I know that this autofiction genre is indebted to works like The Rings of Saturn. They’re all someone walking around not really doing much but musing on art and literature with pics inserted. Drifts and 10:04 are both specifically about walking around NYC on the precipice of a pregnancy. “This writer’s name had become synonymous for the type of first-person narration we also wrote, and yet no one found our struggles worthy of reward.” It’s naked resentment, but for what, because he’s a white guy? I personally found 10:04 more compelling than this, and I wouldn’t have been ranking them against each other if she hadn’t said this so bitterly!
What I liked about 10:04 and the Argonauts was that the Argonauts was a memoir and 10:04 was a novel, even tho they’re all the same sort of thing as this. 10:04 made real life feel like a novel. I don’t get why this book was even marketed as a novel at all! Just be a theory laden memoir! Also, 10:04 was always situating itself in the larger world in time and space while Drifts is very solipsistic. Drifts is very apolitical aside from vague references to the 2016 election. I’m thinking back to my Sally Rooney review where I mentioned that I did not mind the character Alice hand wringing about the political value of novels, even though I knew Alice was a vehicle for Rooney to insert herself, and I knew I would find it annoying if it were an essay/memoir coming from Rooney directly, but because it was done through a character I was fine with it. I guess because there was absolutely no pretense of this being fiction I was harsher on the narrator/author. Outlines by Rachel Cusk is another similar one, where it’s a writer writing about how hard it is to write, but still that also felt like a novel.
“Drifts is my fantasy of a memoir about nothing. I desire to be drained of the personal. To not give myself away” (38). It’s difficult to write a memoir that doesn’t devolve into an Identity Book and it’s hard when the landscape of art and literature is so identity driven.
Though I’m complaining, I actually did love the fragmentary form of this and thought it was a pleasure to read. The book is heavily referential. Sometimes when I read stuff like this I google as I go, but it disrupts the flow so I kept soldiering on and kept a long list of stuff to google later. The first paragraph is stuff I am familiar with, not that I’ve read all of these but that I am familiar enough with the person/work that I don’t have to google to know what she is referring to. The second, much longer list is everything I don’t know about. I spent an afternoon googling every single name on the second list. There is so much to read. I’ve been working on this master list of stuff I want to read before Kai and I have a baby and sometimes I feel overwhelmed knowing I will likely never get to all the things I want to get to. That one Sylvia Plath quote “I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want, I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life”. She summed it up right there. However Plath is depressed about this and I try not to not get down about it and see it as wonderful how you can never ever run out of things to learn about.
Know: Rainier Maria Rilke, Nietzsche, Fernando Pessoa, Kafka, Wittgenstein, Goethe, Hegel, Susan Sontag, Elena Ferrante, Ingeborg Bachmann’s Malina, Camus, Marcus Aurelius, Sylvia Plath, St. Francis of Assissi, Beckett, Julian Cortozar, Italo Calvino, Foucault, That one pic of a kurdish child on a beach, Marguerite Duras, W G Sebald, Disgrace by JM COatzee, Amina Cain, Roland Barthes, Chantal Akerman, John Wayne, Dale Carnegie, Edgar Allen Poe, Roberto Bolaño (specifically Antwerp which I did not know about), Basquiat, Sei Shonagon Pillow Book, Rudyard Kipling, Flaubert (A Sentimental Education which I don’t know) Charles Baudelaire, Edward Hopper, Simone Weil, Rasputin, Vermeer, Van Gogh, Girls (the show), Bartleby The Scrivener (the character), Clarice Lispector, Walter Benjamin, Louis L’Amour, Dashiell Hamnet, Gilles Deleuze, Nosferatu, Virginia Woolf, Knausgaard, John Waters, David Bowie, Helene Cixious, Edith Wharton, The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson, Chris Kraus, Maeve Binchy, Hannah Arendt, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, The Matrix (movie), Adrienne Rich, Emperor of Maladies by Siddharth Murkerjee (Probably, this was mentioned in passing as a book her dad is reading as a huge history of cancer and could be something else), Ben Lerner (not named), KUWTK, the Mona Lisa, Le Corbusier, I assumed the dog was named after Jean Genet,
Don't Know: David Markson “Wittgenstein’s Mistress, May Sarton journal of a Solitude (Poet), The notebooks of Malte Laurid Briggs (Rilke’s novel), Robert Walser (she talked about him so much I have now put a book on my shelf), Michelangelo Antonioni (Filmmaker) Joseph Cornell (artist), Maurice Blanchot (theorist), Rodin (Sculptor I felt dumb for not knowing bc I kept seeing a million books at work and was liek oh he’s really famous I just don’t know anything about art), Eugene Atget (photographer), Taxi (show), Petar Hujar specifically photo of Candy Darling (photography) upon googling I realized he took the photo that is on the cover of A Little Life, Albrecht Dürer (though because the images were shown and discussed so much I am now very familiar), Sarah Charlesworth (artist/photographer, specifically Stills a series of photos of people falling off buildings), On Kawara (artist, one of my favorite meditative/calming tasks since I was a kid is to draw calendars/ways to mark time in as many configurations as I can, it has never occurred to me that could be considered art), Agnes Varda the Beaches of Agnes (documentary filmmaker), Dog Essay in the new yorker, couldn’t find the right one, The Walk by Walser again, Bouchra Kahlili (artist), Eileen Myles (poet), San Soleil by Chris Marker (found footage documentary), Vertigo by Hitchcock (didn’t know this particular movie), Hotel Monterey (specific Akerman film), Nan Goldin Ballad of Sexual Dependancy (photographer), The Philadelphia Story (movie), Lou Andreas Salome (psychoanalyst/writer, wrote essays on the eroticism of the anus, was pals with a zillion megafamous people she was gonna build a commune with Nietzsche, rumored to have dated Freud, dated Rilke too wtf), Clara Westoff (Rilke’s wife, who was also an artist), William Gass (novelist), Diane Arbus (photographer), illegible but looks like “connie Mueller” though I tried googling that and got nothing, Emile Cioran the Trouble With Being Born (philsopher), Jean Rhys Good Morning, Midnight (novelist), Julian Schnabel (painter), Robert Maplethorpe (photographer), The Man Who Would Be King (movie), Elizabeth Hardwicke Sleepless Nights (writer), Wanda Barbara Loden (movie, director), Portrait of Jason Shirley Clarke (movie, director), Sandor Krasna (character? In the aforementioned Sans Soleil), Yvonne Ranier (dancer), Hans Castorp (main character of The Magic Mountain which I do own a copy of but haven’t read), Stage Door (movie starring Katherine Hepburn), illegible but looks like it says Giuillermo and surgeon, Sofia Samatar (author’s bff and a poet/writer), Cesar Aira (writer), Diego Velazquez (painter tho upon googling I did recognize the Las Meninas), The Americans (tv show), Boardwalk Empire (tv show), Alexander von Humboldt (naturalist/explorer in the 1800s, Humboldt Park in chicago is named after him, Johan Moritz Rugendas (painter), Portrait of a Woman (painting by Rogier van der Weyden, upon googling realized it is the painting that is always used on the cover of books by Julian of Norwich), Event Factory by Renee Gladman (book), Marianne Moore (poet, Cornell correspondent), Saint Sebaldus (hermit missionary saint from the 700s), Tokyo Story (movie), Norbert Davis (pulp crime novelist), Ghost Image by Herve Guibert (fragmentary novel, he was pals w Foucault), Chris Burden (performance artist), Vito Acconci (performance artist), Wonderful Wonderful Times by Elfriede Jelinek (novel), Sleepwalk by Sara Driver (movie), Sara Stridsburg the Faculty of Dreams (book about Valerie Solanas who wrote the SCUM Manifesto & tried to kill Andy Worhol), The Good Wife (tv show), Paula Modersohn-Becker (painter), Paul Cezanne (painter, my last art class was in 5th grade so don’t blame me), Titian (renaissance painter), Tintoretto (ditto), Moyra Davey (artist), Elsa Morante (writer), Anne Sexton (poet), Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe (novel), Enrique Vila Matas (writer), Norman Malcom (philosopher), Pipilotti Rist (installation artist), The Gospel in Brief (Tolstoy book of the Gospels), Clutch (friend mentioned, but then I googled and realized this is the same person as author of Time Is The Thing A Body Moves Through by T Fleishmann so I guess this could’ve gone on the former list)