Would I recommend it? To a very specific audience. (To my current close friends on Goodreads: No.) I'm torn on the rating of the book. I think if I could wholeheartedly recommend it to more people then I'd bump it to 4 stars.
Thoughts
I was so very intrigued in the beginning and I devoured the first 50 pages in an afternoon of cozy comfy reading. And then it turned into 20 pages at a time. And then a couple days of pause. And then 10 pages at a time while switching to end the evening with another book. Which took me to the final stretch of 22 pages remaining and my determination that on this Saturday morning, "Must. Finish."
I'm so happy acknowledgments ended with "I'm reminded of how many people across the United States and the world devote their lives to preserving wild places--my deepest gratitude to all those dedicated souls." I'm happy she ended on that note, because it feels to me, that DJ Lee, herself, is no longer wanting to be a participant of the wilderness. On page 194 she wrote, "Yet something in me has wanted to release the pull of this land. I want to love it, but I don't want to consume it or let it consume me." And on page 197, "The wilderness needs to be protected, but I need to let it go." I find this perhaps upsetting or maybe it makes me really sad for her. I absolutely love nature and wilderness and I derive such joy and pleasure from being out in it. I never want to let it go again, like I had in my 20s. But I also don't feel consumed by it so I don't have that sense that it has an unrelenting grip on me. It is simply a place for me to escape to, to admire, to enjoy, to discover, to venture in. I have only but fond memories tied to it (even trails that caused anguish at the time have made for the most hilarious and enjoyable memories afterwards).
"...I told her [mother] I might write about my grandparents, about her, about the wilderness, about Esther's illness. I wouldn't write a linear story. Neither our experiences, nor the wilderness, nor history, nor memory could be held to a narrative straight line."
And with this quote you've been warned by me. This is NOT a linear story. May want to get paper and pen ready if you want to make a precise timeline of events. I did not do this. At times I wish I had. It wasn't the easiest of storylines to follow. If perhaps DJ would have referenced her own age during certain parts of her story it may have helped me a bit (without having to have a calculator to figure out how old she is that particular time in her life story). There are multiple timelines within a chapter. I understand why this couldn't be a linear story. To have written it linearly it would make for a very clinical story. But whenever a book jumps this much it's always a strain on me. I don't appreciate it when authors leave readers hanging (this is a memoir - not a thriller - the events have occurred) and many times the book doesn't loop back to finish out that thought or story. Only time it did was with Amy's retelling of her search for Connie, but even there I felt I was left hanging - like Amy had more to say. (And when hiking, please don't repeat what Amy did. If you head out for a day hike and that's what you tell people you are doing then don't make it into a week long excursion. And without proper food, water, and overnight supplies. Especially when there is already a search for one missing person--technically, 2 people disappeared at the same time.)
If you set out to read this book because you are really interested to find details about Connie then you will be disappointed. Connie is woven within the pages, but she is not the main story. I learned that she was loved and respected by many, even those who barely knew her or met her only once. She must have been one charismatic person. I would like to have known her. (She makes me think of a specific WTA person I know who will forever have a lasting impression on me.)
The book is primarily about the author finally being able to connect the pieces of history of her family --some scattered and many hidden. Some within historical records and many based on stories of people who knew her grandfather and some from her mother's and grandmother's personal belongings. She discovers that there is a long history of mental illness - mainly depression - on her mother's side of the family. I am often intrigued to read stories about others who grew up with mental illness in their families and perhaps always hope that I can find a way to relate. Depending on how their stories go I often find they are also hard for me to read. Mental illness runs on my mother's side of my family and my relationship with my mother is a tough one - however, my story is very different from the author's.
Perhaps my favorite quote from the book is from DJ's grandfather that he wrote at age 17: "Depression is caused by a lack of faith in the ultimate purpose of life, and exceedingly harmful to yourself and those about you." While I don't agree with the first half, and much more is known today about causes than in George's time. The 2nd part. No matter the science. The cause. The end result is the same.
What I liked and enjoyed about the book is I learned several things about the Bitterroot Wilderness and the landscapes described are familiar to me. It's also neat to hear the names of towns and places that I know or have been to. The book was a find via Auntie's Bookstore's newsletter which is a local store in Spokane, WA. The newsletter featured local authors and there was a live Zoom event with the author which I didn't attend. I'm happy that I read this book by a local author and I do think and feel that there are many good parts, but I also do hold back on recommending it to people I know.