He Said Now

Gentleman's Club #3

by Patricia Waddell

LOVE HAS ITS REASONS
When William Fitch Minstead, the sixth Earl of Ackerman, agrees to a private audience with a lovely stranger, he's rewarded with the fateful news that he is the father of a little girl. After the death of her friend Elizabeth Bradstreet, Miss Hilary Compton became Lizzie's guardian. It is clear that Miss Compton thinks Fitch has neglected a child he never knew existed and she intends to right that wrong. Captivated by her charm and wit, the earl proposes a solution: a marriage of convenience.

WHICH REASON DOES NOT KNOW

Though she is only the daughter of a county squire, Hilary is independent to a fault – not the sort to submit to the whims of a handsome earl with a rakish reputation, even if Fitch insists that his service during the brutal Crimean War left him a changed man. Her decision would be so much easier were he the seducing scoundrel she had expected. Perhaps the arrangement he suggest is for the best – if she can keep herself from falling in love.

Genres: Historical Romance, Marriage Of Convenience, Romance, Historical

317 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published June 1, 2004

About the author

Patricia writes for the pure joy of escaping the day to day confines of reality. The reason she thinks most of us pick up a book. A graduate of the University of Cincinnati, Pat grew up in the Mid-West, where old fashioned values grow like corn. After a full day as a professional accountant, she races home to her keyboard and walks through the looking glass into the world of romantic fiction.

Pat currently resides in Florida with her husband, Phillip.

Reviews

[Spazfungus · Rating 1 out of 5]

Meh.

Hilary: My best friend Beth, whom you seduced 9 years ago, gave birth to your daughter. Beth has passed away
Fitch: Ok. I have a daughter, her mother is dead, you tempt me, lets get married

while [ Hilary != interesting condition ]
do
Hilary: You don't talk about your feelings!
Fitch: I didn't marry you to hear you talk, woman!
Hilary: We agreed before the marriage that I would be an independent woman!!


done

Fitch: I'm pleased you're pregnant, I love you!

Fitch: Sorry, I just realized I'm suffering from PTSD, I didn't want you to know or help, I love you!

HEA!

[Fangirl Musings · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's not an indication of bat-shit insanity if a reader is filled with an all consuming desire to punch an author in the face, is it? No? Good. Because my crazy card is full-up, and Patricia Waddell is in want of a serious rag-doll shake. "Jacqueline! You mean you didn't like this book?" you ask? Oh, you little genius, you're so on the ball these days, I'm so proud of you. But, alas, to say I didn't like this book would be a huge falsehood. In order to dislike a book, there must firstly BE a book. I'm throwing the gauntlet all up in yo' face if you dare call this anal-gouging experience a "book."



Really! Let me innumerate!

Problem #1: Characters
The Vagina

Hey! Do you hate heroines who claim they're strong, independent vagina-havers, but then spontaneously morph into a simpering pile of boo-hoos, "I wove him; I obey him" idiotic bitch biscuits? Well, tough luck, sweetie, Hilary is all that, and worse. If the fact that I just had to reread the book blurb to recall what Miss Heroine's name was doesn't speak volumes (despite having literally just finished this novel 10 minutes ago), I don't know what evidence could more underscore the underwhelming ugh-factor of this character than said fact-checking. From the opening chapter, we the reader are given the suggestion that Hilary's supposed to be a strong, independently free-thinking leading lady, but by chapter five that shit sunk harder than the Titanic.



Ironically, it's not. I'm not a bra-burning feminist, but holy-nut-crackers, I'm almost one now. This book's heroine is practically a damned expert at constantly contradicting her identity. Before marrying Captain Douche-Nozzle (AKA the hero)? She's all, "I won't be dictated to!" After marriage? "Fine. I'll obey you, but with only the slightest amount of argumentative resistance." Before marrying Ass-Blaster 3000? "Books! Traveling! Politics! I care about these things, dammit!" After marriage? "Hero husband! YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING! " Hilary is so boring, so fake, so flatly one dimensional that a rice cake and a blank wall have more zest and roundness by comparison.



Up next?

The Dick

With monikers such as the ever illustrious ones utilized above, it's not too much of a plot twist within this review to realize I'm all about some hero-hate with this particular character. And, frankly, I'm a ginormous idiot to have assumed that I wouldn't be raging-out over Fitch The Hero Face. The fact this guy was an astronomic prick pilot shouldn't have been surprising, for it's in the title; He Said Now. And, boy, did he say now! There should be monuments built in honor of Fitch's macho ass-hattery. I can count on one hand the number of times in this book Hero Jerk wasn't being dictatory, rude, inappropriate, arrogant, high-handed, or inconsiderate to Hilary. What made him so intolerable as a character stemmed largely from the fact that his expertise in Douche Bag 101 was, while more subtle than overt, still enacted with microscopically thin motivations behind such behavior.

"It would serve their future much better were Hilary to surrender herself into his keeping without a major confrontation." Direct quote, that.



Problem #2: The Writing

There were SO many please-God-no problems with the technical elements to this book that I can't even. I have lost the ability to even. But, for the sake of a holistic (though admittedly crappy) review, I'll try. Aside from the atrociously written characters and the abysmally constructed plot (we'll get to that in a minute), it was painfully obvious this writer has no grasp on the concept of smart writing. Oh, the literary elements were all in order, but so many instances of missteps and stumbles went a long way in injuring this story. Romance authors, please, understand that when you're writing in this genre, the very last thing we the reader want to witness is unnecessary time-jumping. Skimming over the first ten days of interaction between the hero and heroine? HUGE EFFING NO-NO! These are key emotional developmental moments that we don't want pushed to the background, dammit! Doing so causes the romance to reek of insta-love, and just no. Fuck insta-love.



Oh, and, hey, while we're on the subject of bad moronic "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" writing, please, I beg you, learn to research. Believe it or not, research is a thing. A good thing, even. Want to know how I know Patricia Waddell didn't know said tidbit? The fact that she had no knowledge that males congratulating the soon-to-be bride for becoming engaged was considered abominable rude. It was a breach of etiquette, for men congratulated the groom, they instead wished the bride well. Oh! Want more evidence that Patricia's ignorant when it comes to research? Fine.

"We've been too long without children in this house. I was the first to say amen when Raskett sent the news of his lordship's marriage. Amen, and about bloody time, if you excuse me for saying so."

No. Just, no. No way did a housekeeper in 1864 talk that way to the mistress of the house, and they damned sure didn't use the profanity of "bloody." Yes, the specific etymology is unknown, but is largely accepted to still be a curse, thus your housekeeper utilizing it immediately upon meeting her new lady boss is complete shite.



Problem #3: The Plot

Last, but certainty not least because here lies proof that this novel is an enormous waste of time. "The plot," or as I like to refer to it, "The instrument by which the Spanish Inquisition wish they had in their arsenal." Over all, this plot has so many things wrong with it, not the least of which is it being laughably unbelievable. The gist of the entire novel can be summed up quite simplistically. The hero is emotionally traumatized from the war, (though I still don't buy that load of crock for such trope was constantly pushed to the back-burner in the book and only pulled out to display as Here's The Plot!) And, that's basically the entire book. He wanders off at times to go suck on a bottle and doesn't talk about being a sad-face about his war experiences to Hilary, and Hilary thereby doesn't like that.



Yep. That is the absolute extent of this story. To say the conflict is boring is one tremendous understatement. Hell, the whole entire book is boring, and the conflict drama bullshit is worst of all. This whole "I'm emotionally angsty about my angsty war-ness" is drawn out in such gratingly bad told-not-shown detail, it's pathetic in its lack of believability, and has a resolution which is so quick/"Okay-done!" that it gave me whiplash. Hero magically realizes he's an ass-hat, professes his love, annnnd...Hilary faints. The end.



Likewise. This entire book was one huge user error, and frankly I'm convinced I deserve a damned medal for actually having completed it. The fact that I didn't DNF this novel just goes to prove that hope and stupidity walk hand in hand. I spent the entire course of my reading experience with this thing praying it got better; it had to. It so desperately wanted to be good, you could see it was just a big ball of Little Engine That Could. Sadly, that freight train derailed and plunged engine-first into an eternal pit of fire. This book was bad and boring, and I regret all my life's decision that brought me to this novel.

[Emma · Rating 1 out of 5]

A book that proved to be at once awful and boring. As I'm getting older, I've learned to value my time and don't waste it anymore, so it was easy to throw this book away before getting to the end, as I could not care less about the way the writer got to the HEA. The cover alone should have put me off this book (so I have only myself to blame for buying it). Who designs those things nowadays? In the past, publishers employed some very talented artists to do their covers, today we have a host of underpaid clueless people populating every single stage of the book publishing business. Still, the question has to be put even to the clueless, what kind of dress is the woman on the cover wearing? This is supposed to be the 1860s!

[Mojca · Rating 4 out of 5]

William Fitch Minstead, the sixth Earl of Ackerman, receives a shocking news that before going off to war he sired a daughter. To make matters worse, the person who's delivered the news, Miss Hilary Compton, thinks him a philandering scoundrel who has neglected the child--even though he never knew she existed, and she, of course, demands he takes responsibility.

Before determining what is to be done (and if the girl is really a Minstead), Fitch decides to travel to Nottingham and meet the tyke. One look at little Lizzie confirms his parentage and Fitch is determined to right the wrong he's unknowingly committed, but to Hilary's great surprise and Lizzie's delight, he proposes a surprising arrangement: he and Hilary would get married so Fitch can legaly adopt his daughter without having her suffer the ramifications of being a bastard.

Of course, the man makes it clear this would be a little more than the usual marriage of convenience. He expects Hilary to be his wife in every way...heir included.



This is another HR that veered straight off the usual (template) path. Yes, the premise is the same - man meets woman, they fall in love, they live happily ever after...But this book has a love child thrown into the mix. Although little Lizzie is utterly adorable, as all the book tykes should be, it does seem the author wrote her into the book only to make the lead couple meet...and to spill the big secret in the end, providing the required HEA.

Fitch is the least rakish of the four Duke of Morland's protegees, harboring a difficult past shaped by the Crimea War and its consequences. He's "content" with spending his nights drinking himself to oblivion, trying to bury the memories that plague him. He's prepared to do the same even after the marriage, but he didn't count with the fact his wife would be such a nosy little creature. Of course it didn't even cross his mind to tell her anything about the war or why he locks himself in his library to brood.

This "dark secret" adds depth to the story and to the two main characters. And it's because of this silent war between Fitch and Hilary, where he's adamant to push her away and she equally determined to uncover the cause of his brooding, the chasm it draws between them, almost destroying their trust and marriage, that makes this story so much more realistic than your average romance book.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE LOVE STORY AND MARRIAGE BETWEEN COMMONER HILARY COMPTON AND EARL OF ACKERMAN, WILLIAM FITCH MINSTEAD, TURNED INTO A PASSIONATE MARRIAGE. A MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE, AND A GROWING LOVE FOR EACH OTHER. SEXY LOVE SCENES!!!

[Susan Laine]

have

[Sisinins · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very disappointing. He uses sex to get over each argument and she lets him.

[tezuka8 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book.Lovely heroine