Wait with Me: Meeting God in Loneliness

by Jason Gaboury

"To be human is to be lonely." When his seventy-something spiritual director Friar Ugo spoke these words in a voice cracking with age, Jason Gaboury felt a deep sense of their truth. To the observer, Jason, a campus minister, active church member, and father with a young family, might not have seemed lonely. But it's how he felt. He has wrestled with loneliness ever since he can remember, perhaps before he can remember . . . through childhood, college, and into adulthood. When Friar Ugo challenged him to see loneliness as a context for friendship with God, things began to change. In these pages God invites you to stop and wait with him in your own moments of isolation and anxiety. It's an invitation into a journey through loneliness into a deeper life with God.

Genres: Christian, Christian Non Fiction, Nonfiction, Christianity

180 pages, Paperback

Published May 19, 2020

Reviews

[Bob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Summary: Proposes that the experience of loneliness is an invitation to grow in our friendship with God.

"To be human is to be lonely." These words, spoken by Friar Ugo, the author's spiritual director, open the book. Jason Gaboury, perhaps like all of us, experienced loneliness from childhood. He describes growing up amid domestic strife from which he ran away at one point, and that ended in divorce. Friar Ugo poses this question:

   Have you ever considered . . . that the loneliness you're experiencing is an invitation to grow your friendship with God?

That led to a journey to exploring how God meets people in their loneliness in scripture,  and to a startling insight that "flips" his perspective of God.

In one-word titled chapters, Gaboury takes us through Abraham's experience of leaving home into a new relationship with God, of the encounters of Hagar and Moses with God in the desert, of the grasping ambition of Jacob that found its resolution in the grasp of God, and the desolation encounter of Elijah in the silence where he hears God's voice. We are invited to consider our griefs and losses in the grief of Ezekial for his people. We explore how God may call us into the loneliness of risk leading us to a new place of trust through the story of Esther. We learn with Mary what it means to respond to profound and disturbing news with a heart that ponders before God. We watch as the leadership of Saul the persecutor is deconstructed and formed anew as the follower of Jesus during three days of blindness after the Damascus road.

Gaboury mixes his own experiences with biblical reflections--the loss of an ambitious friend to suicide, stepping into church leadership after the forced departure of a pastor, and learning to follow afresh as God revealed the dysfunctions of the leadership of which he'd been a part.

All this leads to another conversation with Friar Ugo. Gaboury had been describing some of his insights from scripture of God meeting people in their loneliness, all the ways Jesus enters into our pain. Then:

   Friar Ugo smiled, "I'm glad for the consolation you feel as you enter into the Scriptures, but I don't think they're the point. What if the loneliness that drives you to seek consolation was meant to expand your heart in compassion for Jesus?" He paused again. "You can't love someone you don't know, and you only know someone whose experience you're willing to enter into with empathy and compassion."

Gaboury proceeds to reflect on Jesus in Gethsemane asking the disciples to "wait with me" through his agonized prayer. Instead, they slept and abandoned Jesus, even before his arrest, trial, and forsaken death. Instead of considering how Jesus enters into our loneliness, Gaboury invites us to enter into the loneliness of Jesus, where Jesus ceases to be our therapist and we become his friends.

This is a startling insight for me, one I'm still weighing even as I write about this book. It reflects not only a different and true insight, but one that comes out of a deep reading of both scripture and life by the author in the company of a spiritual friend. Gaboury invites us to join that journey both in text and questions for reflection that invite us to sit with what we have read and to wait with God. But there is one more thing. Gaboury invites those transformed by waiting with God to compassionate witness to the God who invites us to wait with him in our loneliness--and His.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

[Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not a big Christian non-fiction reader, but this book captivated me from the beginning. Admittedly, given the topic of loneliness, Wait With Me at first seemed like a way for me to learn about someone else’s experience with loneliness, how they have overcome it, and what advice I could receive to do the same. But this book is so much more. It’s not so much a manual as it is a good DJ mix, where the uplifting and the downtempo somehow find each other’s beat, and what results is the soundtrack to a life worth reflecting upon. Sometimes, the melody says, loneliness can be holy. Sometimes, it may be the most sacred space you enter into without even knowing it. Sometimes, that is where we see God the most clearly.

Mr. Gaboury draws upon compelling stories from his personal and professional life—from his relationship with his wife Sophia, to his daughters in their growing restlessness for God, to his own career ambitions in the performing arts and his current college ministry—and weaves them seamlessly with fresh retellings of familiar biblical stories. He uses personal moments to find those sacred places of loneliness in Bible stories I thought I’d already understood. In fact, he shows us a path towards God Himself, which these stories, like stars in a constellation, ultimately point us. I am thankful that this book was written and cannot recommend it enough.

[Kyle VanEtten · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate Jason as a thinker, and practitioner of the faith and I am grateful he took the time and put in the effort to write this book. This book is a timely word (perhaps more than he ever could have imagined in a covid-19 world) speaking into the profound and widespread loneliness that is on the rise in our world today. Some of the ideas here have already had practical impact on my life with the Lord, and in particular my friendship with Jesus. Even being in a season of relational abundance, this book ministered to my soul and helped me to see God in seasons of loneliness I have experienced, and prepared me to meet God in the seasons of loneliness to come.

[Jonathan Walton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Often books are written because people want to write them, not because the world needs them. And right now, the world needs a book to help people to enter into the loneliness of our days because God has gifts for us in it; and not runaway because we’re scared. Jason’s written a brave book and it makes me want to be brave too.

[Laura Tiessen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This is some beautiful writing. I was especially affected by chapter 10 on being empathetic and compassionate to Jesus instead of it always being the other way around. Thanks to the author for this gift of a book.

[Kurt Bostelaar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Very accessible and relevant. Jason does a great job unpacking this concept. Impressed by the clarity and simplicity of the message and also it's depth.

[Charlotte Donlon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a great book! I love the ways Gaboury helps his readers turn to God and Scripture in their loneliness. He's not dogmatic--he is a wise and gentle guide who helps us find the water we're thirsting for. He wants his book to help readers see their experiences of loneliness as opportunities to meet God, and I believe he definitely accomplishes this goal.

[Meghan Safstrom Fisher · Rating 4 out of 5]

What if our loneliness is an invitation to experience God’s presence?

That is the question at the heart of this powerful, timely book. Reading Wait With Me in this season of exacerbated pandemic loneliness was like drinking a big glass of cool water on a dry day. As a gifted teacher, preacher, and story-teller, Jason weaves in vivid imagery and personal stories (alongside deep theological musings) on God’s act of relating to human beings in loneliness. Every chapter was richly packed with beauty & goodness, and served as a high invitation & challenge in considering (afresh) the power of God’s love & presence via different biblical characters’ narratives.

Wait With Me is, by far, one of my top reads of 2020. Do your body & spirit & mind a favor by reading it; you will be richly ministered to, as a result.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found that this book clarified my thinking about a number of points in relation to Christianity. I read it on my own, but it is organized in such a way as to be useful as a group experience. One chapter could be read each week, with a corresponding meeting to review and discuss. It might be best read this way, as the issues explored and the questions posed at the end of each chapter are significant and require time to process and answer fully.

The author offers stories of loneliness and loss from his own life in ways that strike me as courageous and selfless. These are woven amongst well selected Biblical (and even cultural) references to make a meaningful whole.

I’ll share with you a quote from this text that strikes me as being at the heart of the journey the author hopes to take you on:

“I used to think that Jesus’ isolation, misunderstanding, rejection, and loneliness would mean that Jesus could sympathize with me in my loneliness. I now believe that my experiences of loneliness and isolation help me to know Jesus.”

As a secular reader, I wished that there were more of an invitation to folks like myself. There was perhaps a missed opportunity to offer explicit suggestions about how we might put some of the lessons of this book into practice for the benefit of ourselves, our neighbors, and our world. But in the end, this is a heartfelt offering from a devoted Christian to his fellow Christians. It is well worth a read for those believers out there.

[Pei · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated the author’s deeply personal account of struggling with loneliness from childhood to adulthood despite being surrounded by family and people in his ministry. I don’t usually read Christian nonfiction, but this book kept my attention throughout because it discussed modern challenges we face with identity, advocacy and social media while relating them to struggles faced by people in the Bible. It made me see those Bible passages in a new light and made me want to go back to those stories and study them more. The last chapter opened my eyes to thinking of loneliness in a new way. I will likely refer back to his book again in the future and would definitely recommend this to friends.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this season of pandemic-loneliness-- separated from family and friends, grieving loss of loved ones, work, routines, or even the ability to just go to the store-- Gaboury has written an invitation to not simply get through this time, but to be transformed in it by the very heart of the God who sees and who suffers with us. This book is written with a vulnerability that removes any possibility of trite comfort or too-easy answers; and yet it is utterly accessible and inspiring. I love most how he weaves his story, and even his own journal-reflections, into his reflections on Jesus. It draws me in, invites me to come closer, arouses my curiosity, my hopes, and makes me want to know more.

[Charles Fick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gaboury has crafted a beautifully written and incredible timely book. His words paint pictures that persist in my mind and have helped me to meet with God in this moment where we are all grappling with loneliness in the midst of a global pandemic. This topic is inescapable. This is the book to begin your own journey. Gaboury is a kind and insightful guide through his own moments of loneliness and somehow covers most of the Bible in these wonderful pages. This is a message full of hope that everyone needs to hear and ponder.

[Robin Ying · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I read books I half expect to just be reminded of truths about God that I already know and I cling to hope that God will bring revelation about either Himself or me through the pages that I read. Seldom do I find my worldview overturned or my theology in need of adjustment, but Jason has done just that! While many contemplative Christian authors have described loneliness as a "dark night of the soul" where we must trust that our Comforter is still beside us, Jason goes further to posit that loneliness can be a gift from God, one that invites us into deeper communion and intimacy with the one who longs nothing more than to be with us, to know us, and be known.

Especially in such a time as this, perspective is everything and God is inviting us all to reconsider how God can meet us in the midst of confusion, despair, fatigue, and depression.

[Easton Tally · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first and last chapters of this book are phenomenal. However, through the rest of the book I felt as if it was a tad scattered. Gaboury is a talented writer, but at times I felt as if his chapters were tangential to the topic at hand. Nonetheless, I am thankful for this book and how it reframes loneliness as we experience it, individuals in the scriptures experienced it, and how Christ experienced it.

“I used to think that Jesus’ isolation, misunderstanding, rejection, and loneliness would mean that Jesus could sympathize with me in my loneliness. I now believe that my experiences of loneliness and isolation are a gift to help me know Jesus.”

[Lynda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated the ancient and current stories about people who faced loneliness. Sometimes the stories do not resolve happily and that makes the book more believeable. But often the stories are wrapped in hope and meaning, and that makes the book incredibly helpful. Jason Gaboury has written a kind, wise and thoughtful book about his own loneliness and that of people through the ages. I am lonely - but I am not alone. Others have walked this road before me, and are walking it now. I appreciate Jason's invitation to sit with loneliness, to ponder it, and to ask for meaning.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

“To be human is to be lonely”

“It is through the loneliness of God that we were invited to know and love him. It’s through this strange participation in the loneliness of God that we’re summoned to love others. To be human is to lonely. These days loneliness, depression, and anxiety are accelerating. We’re desperate to reconnect. We’re desperate for transformation”

I really enjoyed that this book focused not on ways to combat loneliness- but rather highlighted different stories from the Bible (Esther, Hagar, Jesus in the garden, Adam and Eve) that individuals experienced loneliness.

[Beatriz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth the buy!

Having finished this book in under 3 hours, I questioned whether it was worth buying in the end… “Not all the chapters stood out to me… Will I go back to this book and read it again? Or should I have just opted for the audiobook and saved my money?”

And the answer is: Yes it was worth it.. I can see myself picking on some of the chapters to read and reflect through again!

What I like about this book is that:
1) it’s an easy read,
2) it has reflection questions, and
3) you don’t have to read the book from cover-to-cover!

To expand on this, each chapter represents a particular situation where feelings of loneliness may seep in. I initially thought that maybe some of the chapters were a bit lacking, but in hindsight I realise it’s just because they weren’t relevant to me or my friend’s situations and so they didn’t seem helpful at all. And so this is definitely a book you can come back to in different seasons of life!

I bought this book with the hopes that it could help me minister to my friends who are feeling lonely. But I didn’t expect how much it would also minister to me in my current situation. So even though you may think you’re not feeling loneliness, you’ll probably be surprised with how some of the chapters may speak to you and point out areas of loneliness / gaps in your life that you may not even know of!

Also if you’re someone who is not a fan of reading or don’t like committing to a whole book but still in need of insight, this is the perfect book for you. You can literally go through the contents page, pick a chapter and read from there. You don’t need to read the book from cover-to-cover!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this. Some wonderful reframing of Scripture that opened up new depths for me and gave me some comfort and hope. Would be a great small group resource or devotional (which is what I used it as).

[Michele Morin · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Wait with Me, Jason Gaboury asks the question, “What if your loneliness is an invitation to friendship with God?” This frames God as the pursuer of my heart and reframes the wilderness, not as a place of abandonment, but rather as an occasion for intimacy with the God who meets me there.

Gaboury invites readers into an imaginative reading of Scripture–not as a replacement for inductive study, but as an enhancement to the relationship God extends to us whenever we meet him over the feast of his Word. Rejecting the isolation of anxiety and ambition, the believer finds inspired words, crafted by a lonely psalmist or an angry prophet to demonstrate that God is neither surprised nor repelled by the raw emotion that travels alongside our loneliness.

The goal (and the great challenge) for 21st century believers is to pay attention in the grip of loneliness. With our average attention span plummeting in ten years from 20 seconds down to 9 seconds, we have become masters of distraction, plugging into Netflix or a phone app whenever we’re threatened with the mere twinge of unpleasantness.

Since God does not avoid complexity, it should come as no surprise to us that his invitation embedded in our times of loneliness is multi-layered. Gaboury shared a question posed by his mentor that has changed my thinking forever:

What if the loneliness that drives you to seek consolation was meant to expand your heart in compassion for Jesus? You can’t love someone you don’t know, and you only know someone whose experience you’re willing to enter into with empathy and compassion.”

Entering into a true friendship with Jesus involves staying awake to his suffering, waiting with him as he asked his first-century disciples to do. We are called to pay attention to the patient and persistent call of God to pray with our fellow-worshipers, to expand the boundaries of our heart in order to make room for those who feel that just maybe they’ve done things that exempt them from invitation to the feast around God’s table.

Are you willing to acknowledge your own sense of loneliness if it means entering into a greater understanding of others and a deeper life with God?

Do you sense that God is inviting you to be present to someone today in a demonstration of his love?

May we experience God’s transforming work.
Many thanks to InterVarsity Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.

[Prijo Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wait With Me is a work of art. Beautiful is not typically the adjective used to describe a book, but it's the word that immediately came to mind after I finished reading Jason Gaboury's book. It's beautiful in the way the book unpacks, through familiar biblical characters, a perspective and truth about God's presence and transformation through loneliness. Profound and insightful throughout, there are no chapters that leave you dissatisfied, as each adds a necessary layer without which the whole would not be complete; culminating in the final chapters when the full picture comes into sharp and beautiful focus. I resonated most deeply with the stories of Elijah and Paul, as these chapters spoke to the themes of listening and loneliness in leadership that I've oftened experienced--my loneliness was given a purpose, a reorientation of those experiences (some of which I am still in the midst of) that brought me comfort and hope. Jason is a master storyteller, beautifully weaving his own experiences seamlessly in and out of the character studies; that artful storytelling brings an ease-of-reading which makes the book almost exciting--a feeling which seems oddly missplaced given its theme of loneliness, but actually telling in light of the message this book delivers. At the end, I had a strong sense that not only did I meet God, but I also met Jason, and that too was a gift.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Have you ever considered that the loneliness you're experiencing is an invitation to grow your friendship with God?" Friar Ugo's question sent Jason Gaboury on a journey. It was not the response Jason wanted, nor the response we want. Nor the response I want. But it is the right response.

Gaboury invites us to join him on this journey of eleven movements which include leaving and listening, grasping and grieving, worshiping and witnessing. Each movement includes his story and the struggles of one like childless Abraham, abandoned Hagar, grasping Jacob, and risking Esther.

The book concludes with a journey into the loneliness of Jesus in an unexpected way. As Gaboury writes, "I used to think that Jesus' isolation, misunderstanding, rejection, and loneliness would mean that Jesus could sympathize with me in my loneliness. I now believe that my experiences of loneliness and isolation help me to know Jesus."

[Kyla M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jason Gaboury’s “Wait With Me” is especially relevant in a time like this. It emphasizes that even though we may feel lonely, these feelings are actually an opportunity for us to take initiative and pursue a stronger relationship with God.

Times like this call for us to be wary that there are many people out there that are less fortunate than us. Reading “Wait With Me, Meeting God In Loneliness” reminded me that life is all about perspective. I have the choice to either dwell on the negatives like needing to isolate myself from my family, or to instead take action and serve His purpose for me and communicate to the lonely that with the Lord by your side, you are never TRULY alone.

I highly recommend this book to people of faith but also to those, with or without faith, that are simply feeling lonely and want to use those emotions to help themselves and others.

[Christine Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I've ever read about loneliness. I appreciated how multi-layered it was, deeply biblical, bringing old stories about Hagar and Peter into a fresh light to bear on the topic; deeply theological in connecting these truths about who God is to our struggles as human beings; deeply personal in how it is rooted in the author's own story... even if we didn't have his exact same experience, his openness and vulnerability rings true to our own story; it's practical with reflection questions and practices that help us encounter God in the midst of our loneliness instead of avoiding or running away from it. This could be a topic that makes us go inward but instead, it made me want to love God more, walk with Jesus more closely in friendship and look outward to a lonely and hurting world. For a book about loneliness, that's pretty remarkable. I highly recommend!

[Carter Hemphill · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish Goodreads could allow for 4-1/2 stars since it's almost a 5-star book. I thought this would be a navel-gazing exercise about an author's long-term struggle with loneliness. Instead, the author couches his experience by exploring the lives of those in the Old and New Testament. He cleverly demonstrates how the reason for loneliness is sometimes due to a poor decision or circumstances out of one's control. Loneliness also opens up moments for God to speak and transform people's lives. The book starts strong, but I thought that some of the later chapters were somewhat of a stretch with the theme and detracted from the momentum the author was aiming for. It's certainly a well-written, honest and life-affirming book -- not as dreary or depressing as I had initially feared.

[Amy Jacobsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be human is to be lonely.

And this is true not merely because we are in the midst of a global pandemic that is asking us to social distance and mask up for the sake of others.

The premise that our loneliness is something greater than the means for Jesus to minister to us in our grief and loss but rather a way in which we can befriend Jesus and experience deeper intimacy and community with one who also experienced loneliness, grief and loss.

The personal narratives woven alongside Biblical narrative make this book come alive as each chapter tells a redemptive and beautiful story.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The piercing accuracy with which Jason talks about loneliness and the captivating nature of the stories within are matched by the revelatory truths he imparts from well-known passages of Scripture. I picked up this book on an assignment, expecting to kind of like it. Half a dozen pages in, and I was enthralled. I read it slowly over two months to make space for all the reflecting his words incited in me. Don’t be fooled by the questionable graphic design on the cover!! This book is positioned to entirely shift how you live your life.

[Jocin Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cover to cover. I am mind blown. Jason takes scripture that is so familiar and offers a perspective that is genuinely a paradigm shift. Every chapter needs a pause to reflect. His story telling weaved into scripture exposition and personal experiences made this book easy to read, while cutting to the heart with conviction and emotion. This book is vulnerable and real. Even if you do not identify with loneliness this book has something to offer.

[Jacqueline Mok]

This book dives deep into the human condition of loneliness. Jason Gaboury does a great job weaving how we can view our struggle in the light of Jesus' suffering. And through this, it allows us to be able to view Scripture differently and become more compassionate towards others. He provides very real, honest, and vulnerable examples, and asks the reader hard questions to reflect upon. I would highly recommend this book, as it will help you in your walk with God.

[Tessa Reinhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this brought such a unique perspective on loneliness. It did not shame me for having loneliness, but rather investigated the different causes of loneliness and what the Bible says about it. How does God meet us in our loneliness? How do we pursue God in silence and solitude? Jason Gaboury is a great writer and I'll definitely be rereading this from time to time.

[Karissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chapter 10 was absolutely amazing. I will go back to that for sure. Great and enlightening perspective about scripture and how we can grow in love and compassion towards Jesus, not just how He can relate to us. It’s an honor to share in the grief of God.