Spiritual Conversations with Children: Listening to God Together

by Lacy Finn Borgo

We are born into this world with a natural longing to connect to God and other human beings. When children have a listening companion who hears, acknowledges, and encourages their early experiences with God, it creates a spiritual footprint that shapes their lives. How can we increase our capacity to engage children in spiritual conversations? In this book Lacy Finn Borgo draws on her own experience of practicing spiritual direction with children. She offers an overview of childhood spiritual formation and introduces key skills for engaging conversation--posture, power, and patterns--from a Christ-centered perspective. "When we are fully present and open to another, we will be changed," Borgo writes. "Indeed, as you listen to God with a child, the child will lead you into a fuller experience of God's love and acceptance." In this book you'll find:
Sample interactive dialogues with children
Ideas for engaging children with play, art, and movement
Prayers to use together
Whether you are a parent or grandparent, pastor or spiritual director, you will find this to be a friendly guide into deeper ways of listening.

Genres: Parenting, Faith, Theology, Religion, Spirituality, Childrens, Nonfiction

192 pages, Paperback

First published March 10, 2020

About the author

Lacy Finn Borgo teaches and provides spiritual direction for the Renovaré Institute, for the DMin. in Spiritual Direction at Fuller Theological Seminary and at Portland Seminary. Lacy provides spiritual direction for adults through GoodDirtMinistries.org and provides spiritual direction for children at Haven House. She is the author of Life with God for Children: A Curriculum for the Spiritual Formation of Children and Good Dirt: A Devotional for the Spiritual Formation of Families, both can be found on her website. Her forthcoming book Spiritual Conversations with Children: Listening to God Together will be released in March 2020 through IVP.

Reviews

[Lori Neff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful guide for any adult. We must attend to our own spiritual & emotional health so that we can help children in their spiritual formation. This book is practical, insightful, and enjoyable.

[Adam Shields · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: A practical, story filled guide on how to have spiritual conversations with children.

I am approaching this with a definite perspective. I am in training to become a spiritual director (for adults), but I also have spent much of my life doing administrative and evaluative work for ministries for children. I am also am the stay-at-home/work-at-home parent, and my wife is an elementary teacher. I spend a lot of time thinking about children and how to serve them well.

I am reading this directly because I want to be a spiritual director. Still, parents, teachers, pastor, and many others that are interested in the spiritual life of children would also benefit. There are good theoretical discussions about children and spiritual matters that are approachable for almost everyone. And lots of practical examples.

Lacy Finn Borgo in Spiritual Conversations With Children is not adapting adult spiritual direction for children, but starting with children's needs and their own developmentally appropriate modes of communication and building a practice of spiritual direction that is oriented around them. It is very much focused on a listening mode of spiritual direction. (She says at one point, children already have parents and other authority figures, the adult spiritual listener is there to listen to the children not correct them, or teach them.)

She illustrated several methods of helping children to talk about spiritual matters, developing trust over time, and creating helpful rituals of blessing and specialness to the conversations that allow the children (and adults) to know their purpose. Because what works with one child will not work with another,  or even the same child on a different day, having a literal bag of options for children to make choices about what is helpful for them on that day makes a lot of sense. These include several prayer methods, sometimes toys or blocks, or art, or stories, or food that can help create openness to seeking after God.

One of the real strengths of the book is that there is a significant amount of recounting of actual conversations. Spiritual direction, I believe, is both Holy Spirit led and an art that is developed over time, more than a structured science. Practical, real examples of what she means by spiritual conversations with children make this far more helpful than many books on spiritual direction I have read.

One of the differences between adults and children is that children tend to be much more aware of and engaged in their embodied lives. For spiritual conversation, that means that the discussion will be more body-focused than many adult spiritual direction activities. Kids will often talk as they are doing something. Having physical prompts, like a kid-sized labyrinth (or a finger labyrinth) or sand to draw in and wipe away are activities that would probably benefit many adults, but are essential for kids.

If I have a complaint, it is that at times there can be a bit too much focus on what benefit can come to the adult in these spiritual conversations with children. Lacy Finn Borgo is careful to note fairly frequently that while there are benefits to the adult, that the point isn't for adult spiritual development. However, I can see many readers taking in the parts about spiritual benefits for adults while ignoring the cautions.

[Madeleine Cromer · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was so short but so wonderful! reading it has left me with a renewed attention to the interior lives of my kids. It gives me so much hope that passing on faith to children is not the work of the adult, that is only the work of the Holy Spirit - the role of the adult is one as mediator who can listen to the child and help the child recognize and respond - otherwise we need to get the heck out of the way and let God be God :)

[Deanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a lovely book that gives deep value to the ways in which children experience God, and helpful encouragement to the adults who desire to accompany children in these experiences. Lacy's examples of her own work in "Holy Listening" with children help the reader to imagine ways they may engage with the children in their lives. It is obvious that Lacy's own spiritual life has been shaped by her work with children, and as such this book is a reminder to us adults that children are wise and curious and playful - and that we can find God together in all those spaces.

If you are a parent, grandparent, teacher, counselor, pastor, or anyone who cares about the spiritual lives of children, this book is for you.

[Hanna Weinheimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me of what it can look like to have a high view of children and turned many unconsciously absorbed methods/postures of interacting with them I have had upside down. I read it as an Ebook and will probably buy a paper copy to have on my shelf because I have this deep desire to hold it in my hands and rifle through the pages and read it again. I will be mulling it over for a long time, honestly, and am grateful for how I have and am experiencing the movement of the Spirit in my life through these pages.

[Olivia Meriwether · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an fantastic resource for anyone who cares about spiritual formation in children. Author Lacy Finn Borgo shares her experience in the ministry of “holy listening” and gives great insight into what it looks like to create spaces for children to hear and notice God. Here are some of my favorite parts of this book:

God’s fingerprints are all over the world through beauty, goodness, truth, and curiosity. When children experience wonder, we see an invitation from God drawing them nearer.

An invitation from God may come to children in the form of a divinely curious question from a spiritual companion followed by silence and attentiveness and open-heartedness that communicate safety and freedom.

“The aim of spiritual conversations with children is not doctrinal knowledge of God. The aim is to keep hot the living, breathing relationship with God that is already happening within the child- whatever that looks like. While listening with children, we attend to the Spirit in the life of the child, we are helping a child learn the fine art of divine perception.”

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was fascinating and I’m trying to figure out how I can apply it well, with humility and grace, as a parent. The model has been used in children’s ministry and with children in crisis and was a good reminder to me how easy it is for children to engage with God, how God is always at work, and how I can be a conduit of that just through contemplative listening. Good reminder not to be the teacher, just to be a good listener, to listen with, rather than to tell.

The appendices are helpful (a childlike version of Psalm 23 and The Lord’s Prayer with motions, as well as some forms and confidentiality notes to be used in more formal settings)

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a special book. As a parent and children's ministry leader, I'm so thankful to have read this book and I'm contemplating how to incorporate new ideas into my time with children. I love how she gives concrete examples of how to listen to children and also shows examples of how these listening encounters might go. More than that, I found this book valuable for my own life with God. At the end of each chapter Borgo offers suggestions of things to think about/reflect on with children or even on your own. She understands that this is something we all need.

[Janelle Hooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so so so so so good!

[Katie Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Humble, heartfelt, and unabashedly spirit-led.

What a delightful little book. Lacy gives many real-life examples of listening with a child for God's presence in their life. Her presence is humble, curious, attentive and respectful. While some of the exercises she uses in her practice feel a little foreign to me, her heart in all of it is immensely instructive and inspiring.

Lacy has helped me approach spiritual conversations with my son in a lighter, more collaborative way and I've been surprised and delighted by what he's shared with me. To listen with your child instead of preach at them is just so much more enjoyable and relaxing. It feels like an embodied way to trust God.

[Elizabeth Rand · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are things children know that we adults do not. They are in touch with an eternal reality that is beyond our every day knowledge.

We have a photo of my son that was taken when he was two years old. He is standing on the beach, gazing up at the sky with outstretched arms, his face shining with joy. In this moment, my child is connecting with the eternal divine mystery from which he had so recently come, perhaps reaching out to the One who sent him to us in an outpouring of generous love.

I know a four year old who goes to sleep every night gazing at a photo of the Aurora Borealis, delighting in God’s painting in the sky. He said to his mother, “It’s too hard to say ‘Awohwa Boweealice’. I’m just going to say ‘the Northern Lights.’

When I taught music classes with toddlers, I blessed each child at the end of class, going around the circle, putting my hand on their head, looking in their eyes, and singing, “God loves you.” Before long, I wasn’t the only one doing the blessing. The children came with me, and took turns gathering around one another, putting their small hands on top of mine, blessing their friends. And then I sat in the middle of the circle, and these holy hands blessed me, singing me, “God loves you.”

There are things children know that we adults do not.

As a parent and a future grandparent, I long to help the children in my family connect with the heart of God. As a pastor, I wonder how to help the young ones in my congregation discover their own lives in God's family. As a campus minister, I wonder how to reach out to young people in rising generations who have been spiritually wounded and help them find healing. Spiritual Conversations with Children speaks to all of these longings.

Lacy Finn Borgo honors the mysterious power and presence of children. She has been attending to the spiritual lives of children for over thirty years. Since 2014, she has been a spiritual companion for children living at Haven House, a transitional facility for homeless families. She practices with them what she calls “holy listening”, in honor of Margaret Guenther’s book on spiritual direction.
We were created out of the divine community of love, what Borgo calls “Love’s Family”, with a longing to connect with the Triune God. God longs for us as well, and sings us into relationship, like the mother goat in Borgo’s barn welcomed her baby into the world by singing.

Borgo teaches us how to practice holy listening with children, or how to have spiritual conversations with children that create the space for them to connect with God and to respond to God’s presence with them.

Through holy listening conversations, children tell stories about their daily lives and come to know the God who is revealed to them through beauty, truth, goodness, awe, wonder, and mystery. God also comes to them in creation, through their tears, and through Celtic “thin spaces”, or the threshold between heaven and earth where things sync in unexpected ways. Jesus becomes their friend and guide, the one who lives their daily lives with them and shows them ways they can connect with the divine family through spiritual practices likes prayer, solitude and silence, and play.

Borgo guides us through the components of holy listening with children, teaching adult companions how to adopt the relational posture of a listener, how to ask divinely curious questions and to listen, how to see what is too deep to be spoken aloud, how to play with children, and how to sense the movement of the Spirit at all times. Children need to engage their whole selves in these conversations, their bodies, minds, hearts, and wills - which requires their adult listeners to connect with those parts of themselves that may be shut down. Most of all, children do not need adults to correct them or to control them, but to simply invite and encourage children to connect with the God who loves them and who delights in sharing life with them.

In Spiritual Conversations with Children Borgo provides examples of spiritual conversations with children to illustrate these components of holy listening. She also shows us how to create prayer beads and finger labyrinths, provides guides for prayer, and offers “soaking it in” reflection questions at the end of each chapter, allowing the reader to reflect more deeply on his or her journey into the heart of Love’s Family. This book is a great gift for adults who honor children as spiritual beings and who simply want to walk with them on their spiritual journeys into the heart of Love’s Family.

[Kristy · Rating 5 out of 5]

"When we accompany children in their life with God, helping them to recognize and respond, we are two friends on an expedition of exciting discovery into the heart of Christ."

Lacy Finn Borgo's Spiritual Conversations with Children masterfully invites us into a child's spiritual formation journey that we call life. As parents, grandparents, teachers, mentors, and friends of children, we have an invitation to be a listening presence in their lives. With an educational background in teaching and formation, Borgo shares her wealth of knowledge garnered from her years of experience of sitting with children in spiritual direction—"holy listening"—in a transitional housing facility for homeless families. Holy listening is an invitation to an awareness of "the movement of the Spirit" in the lives of children. A personal favorite from her book is how as children share, we come alongside them with wonderings, helping them through 'I wonder...' questions to recognize the Divine and inviting them to respond to the "Community of Love", that is the Trinity.

Borgo's arrangement of words entwined with holy listening examples portray her lived knowledge and passion for children and their longings, wonder, and the mystery within their relationship with their Creator. Truly brilliant and beautiful and will not be a book I shelve but one that will remain easily accessible for my reference as I engage in spiritual conversations with the children in my life. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, Lacy.

[Victoria Aguas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came to this book on the suggestion of my spiritual director, and was drawn to it as an alternative way to think about discipling my kids.

For context, in my faith circles, what’s typically taught for discipleship in parenting is having devotional time/Bible study time as a family, helping your kids memorize Scripture, reading Bible stories together, praying together. I felt this model was missing something, especially for children.

The practices laid out in the book highlighted a more embodied and sensitive way of walking alongside kids as they grow in faith, and I’ve already implemented some of it with my 4-year-old (particularly Holy Listening Stones). I’ve used listening stones with adults I disciple as well and it’s been really great!

I’ve also used some of the practices as ways to help kids in the church engage in talking to and listening to God with a family group I help lead (particularly the prayer labyrinth).

Lastly, the most surprising part for me was how much it helped me connect with me my childhood spiritual experiences. It was healing and eye-opening to me in a lot of ways in that aspect.

I highly recommend for parents, grandparents, people who work/serve in children’s ministry, and of course, those who are pursuing or are a spiritual director of any age.

[Christine V. Hides · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spiritual Conversations with Children is a wonderful book for those who both hold a high view of children and who seek to have meaningful conversations with children that point to God’s presence in daily life. Lacy Finn Borgo begins with the premise that though well intentioned, churches’ spiritual formation efforts “ have fallen short of acknowledging the full humanity of children or God’s capacity to meet children where they are.” (page 11)

Much of the book consists of dialog she has had in one on one listening sessions with children. By itself, this dialog inspires readers to consider how to listen and ask questions. The author artfully weaves theological reflection and practical advice into the dialog, making it an engaging manual for parents, church leaders, Sunday school teachers and others who desire to help children notice God’s movement in their lives.

This book is a lovely read. Among other things it has inspired me to think about how spiritual conversations might be a way to engage with children in a COVID-19 world where traditional Sunday school might be postponed for the foreseeable future.

[Andrew Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Borgo applies all the best insights of spiritual formation/spiritual direction to, as the title suggests, spiritual conversations with children with biblical and theological precision. I was compelled by her conclusions and moved by her stories. I can't pick a "best part," but her insight(s) that stimulated the most conversation between my wife (who teaches 4th grade) and I was her chapter on "Whole Person Prayer." At one level, I was fascinated with her suggestions for and stories of getting children praying with their whole selves. At another level, however, I was grieved at the ways churches and education systems alike ignore this reality that folks such as Borgo (and James K. A. Smith) are begging us at the top of their lungs to acknowledge. How often churches and school expect children to just sit still, receive information, regurgitate information in some standardized form, and *poof* be formed accordingly. The irony is that they will indeed be formed, but perhaps not into what we hoped.

Take this book. Read this book. Pay close attention to Borgo's stories/method(s). Then go and do likewise.

[Nicole Thoen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Anyone interested in Spiritual Direction for children will find this book useful.

And, honestly, the book describes a faith in the Spirit to move toward and reveal himself to children is powerful. It is impactful, even to myself. The agency and honor bestowed upon a child to discern God and experience him powerfully, even without the child 'studying scripture or theology' - the grace given to them if they have any less mainstream understanding of God - is something I found beautiful. I want to embrace that grace upon myself - I want this demonstrated and described childlike faith. And I definitely want to encourage it in children.

It didn't really help me imagine how to teach my children about God as a parent, which I think was my expectation. I don't know how to paint pictures of mystery for my children and guide them into meeting God while shepherding parental authority. This was more guidance on active listening and creating spiritual safe spaces for spiritual directors.

[Keith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some suggest that a directee needs to be at least 40yrs old to get the most out of spiritual direction. i believe we've just limited ourselves to a particular style and expectation of direction. We are, of course, being spiritual formed beginning in our earliest years. As we better understand the process of spiritual formation, we are better able to adapt spiritual direction to all age ranges. Laci Finn Borgo proves just how true this is as she invites you into the process of doing spiritual direction with children, offering a vivid demonstration of it's possibilities and undeniable benefits. In fact, spiritual direction with children may have more possibilities than it often does with adults, as children don't tend to compartmentalize the secular from the sacred. They naturally use all their senses when it comes to encountering God. Laci gives us guidance as to the many ways prayer can be reimagined for the boundless imagination and playful nature of children.

[Kimberley Mulder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lacy offers a desperately-needed counterpoint to the habitual indoctrinating ministry that most children’s ministries are in many churches. I encourage anyone who works with children to read her book and begin listening these precious souls into life.
Lacy has authentically cultivated a space and offered guidance for adults who wish to accompany children in their discoveries and experiences of God in their lives. She gives many practical ideas and wisdom as to attitude and intent in offering such listening to children. A clear message in it is the need to know one’s power and to surrender it, giving children the honor of noticing, naming and experiencing God for themselves. The embodied activities, the accounts she shares and the reflection activities to shape you, the adult listener, are always helpful.

[D.J. Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely five stars. I wanted this book the minute it came out. My hope is to buy this book and give it to new parents, not-so-new parents, and maybe even friends who are not in the midst of child-rearing, but need a book which helps heal some childhood challenges. I found the book as life-giving for myself as for listening to children, grandchildren, family or otherwise.

This book also is highly readable (compared to other spiritual formation books for children).
I am not a spiritual director. I am a mom and grandmother.

I actually intended to read the book slowly and carefully and take notes, but I found myself wanting to read the whole book right away. However, this book is definitely a resource book which I can take off the shelf and read again and again.

[Laura Kisthardt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me through a ministry Facebook group. Wow I am so glad I ordered it on a whim. Lacy Finn Borgo has written a terrific introduction to holy listening, spiritual companioning for children. I really enjoyed reading her case studies or examples from personal experience. She does a great job weaving biblical storytelling into analysis and explanation. Highly recommend this book for church leaders who work with children or parents/grandparents interested in raising faithful kids.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very simple and easy to read book. A lot of the book recounts her own conversations with children at Haven House, where she works with children whose families are experiencing homelessness. In fact, she is practicing, I think, a very simple form of spiritual direction, simply listening to children, and inviting them to pray in their own terms (with some creative ideas). I was most taken by some of her creative prayer ideas, including the conversation stones, the prayer bubbles, and the labyrinth, and how simply playing with children can facilitate a conversation and prayer.

[Baylor Heath · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only docking one star because the book still left something to be desired as it relates to “holy listening” in parenthood. The sort of spiritual direction the author does with children sounds wonderful. I wish all children had a space like that, but the reader is left to sort of consolidate principles for application in parenthood which must involve instruction, discipline, keeping to a schedule, and other things which can feel at odds with purely impartial listening.

[Audrey Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sincerely appreciate the “soaking it in” at the end of each chapter. I enjoy taking a moment to reflect on the information given, and I believe that is an important theme in this book. I loved the suggestions for all the activities that are given to put into practice, not only with my children, but the children I teach in Sunday school.
It has provided me with a divine, intimate, and meaningful perspective of be apart of Godly experiences with others.

[Sarah Campbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a parent, I didn't find this book very helpful or practical for everyday life with my children. I found the book geared more towards spiritual counselors/pastors. I would suggest adding little sections at the end of each chapter (or instead just dedicating one whole chapter) to how parents/grandparents can apply the concepts in the home. I picked up a few little nuggets along the way, but overall did not find the book particularly useful for me.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an insightful book, basically it's a guide to offering spiritual direction for children. Every child would benefit, but I thought especially of the children who are most in need. What would it look like to be present to children in the detention camps? Children in foster care? In shelters? I recommend it for parents and teachers.

[Jenny Pryor · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When we create a space where a child can talk about their experience of God, we help to lay down a neurological footprint in the brain that helps the child to identify and therefore experience the Spirit in the future” (p97).
This statement alone is enough to make me long to create this kind of space for the children in my life, most especially my grandchildren.

[Elisabeth Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listening to children’s experience with God

This is a book that I will ponder. Many of the case studies she discussed are with children who have known some degree of harm. I don’t have the level of knowledge and understanding she has. I just wanted to learn about how to listen well and look for opportunities to encourage.

[Kate Frisch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars because I will probably be purchasing a physical copy of this book in the near future (originally read on Kindle). Borgo includes practical tips that I'd like to continue exploring as my oldest daughter starts asking those thought provoking spiritual questions. I especially enjoyed the dialogue between her and the children at Haven House.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book! Especially for those who are already familiar with concepts like spiritual formation and spiritual direction. Offers Scripture, thoughts, and concrete examples of what this could look like in the life of a child.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Lacy's listening approach to children. I recommend this book for parents, children's ministry leaders and volunteers, spiritual directors, and counselors. It is such a respectful way to bringing awareness to God's presence and voice within our children's lives.