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244 pages, Paperback
First published October 16, 1980
Personal masturbation is a noble pastime -- enhancing as it does the faculty of imagination -- but, as acted out on a national scale becomes true to its Victorian name of self-abuse. Viz. the Trooping of the Colour, Bastille Day, Mayday in Moscow, July 4th in America, Timepiece Afternoon in Switzerland, Football matches in Brazil, and anything at all that happens in Germany or Japan. I mean, let's all of us come off it. What are we? We are tubes -- hollow cylinders of flesh. What is our expectation from life? Regular fulfilment of primitive functions at both ends, coupled with the thought that we must progress, leaving at least something behind us, very much in the same way a dog pisses on a tree.