Don't Tell Anyone: A Cult Memoir

by Alice Graves

In 1972, Alice Graves was 21, a lonely college dropout looking for a community, when she began dating a guy who was in Sullivanian interpersonal therapy. Graves didn't know that becoming a Sullivanian patient and moving into a communal apartment on the Upper West Side with other patients would place her in a cult, led by four psychologists jockeying for money and power. Members were expected to spend every free hour on “dates” with friends and multiple lovers so that they were never alone, drink copious amounts of alcohol to loosen their inhibitions, eschew marriage, and cut off all communication with their families of origin. With razor-sharp humor and raw candor, Graves describes how the Group initially offered the fun and friendship she craved, but gradually became more restrictive and bizarre in its demands; how she realized she was in a cult; and how she was ultimately able to break free after eleven years. Don’t Tell Anyone is a story about being young and searching for connection, learning to grow up after years of being told how to think and behave, and ultimately forging an identity of one’s own. “Alice Graves has given us the inside scoop, and through her own story, with strokes both humorous and touching, she makes understandable why people join cults and how they finally escape them.” –Beverly Donofrio, author of Riding in Cars with Boys and Astonished.

137 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 30, 2019

Reviews

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't remember ever hearing about the Sullivanians back in the 70's. Now I know one.
Alice never struck me as the kind of person that would allow herself to be "psychoanalized" into a cult.
But she was. And now she truthfully describes the process. Every time I saw her falling into a pitfall I wanted to scream at her to not do it. But for reasons she thoroughly discusses, she did, even despite her doubtd. In the end, she and Bill, her future husband, rescue themselves, which is the best part.
But her story is a warning to anyone who thinks that intelligent, thinking people can't become robots when enticed by a charismatic leader.
Even though the Sullivanians themselves are long gone, her lesson can be applied right up to the present day.

[Stephanie H · Rating 3 out of 5]

A cult I'd never heard of before

I read a lot of I-survived-a-cult memoirs, and I'd honestly never heard of tge Sullivanians. Pretty crazy stuff, but it just goes to show that cults aren't always religious in nature. That being said, this was an okay book. It just didn't zing for me. I read it and enjoyed it, but I'm glad it wasn't longer.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re into cult memoirs, which I am, I do recommend this one. Like someone else said, it did not zing for me either. Even though she shares some very personal information she keeps things superficial in ways, most especially in how she doesn’t share what happened to her adult relationship with her mother and stepfather. What about the sexual abuse? Has she confronted her family or her mother as an adult or did she decide to just let that go and enjoy nice meals together? Her family was horrible towards her. Where did that go? As a therapist myself, it makes me wonder if she developed such an aversion to being told her parents were awful that now she can’t acknowledge that she actually did and does have awful parents. Sexual abuse is not something that disappears when you become an adult. Hmm… There were gaps that left me unfulfilled. As for the cult activity it was interesting but repetitive. I loved the story of how she and Bill got out of the cult and how they are still together today. That was touching.

[MARK A · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though not addressed directly, I think looking at the seemingly thin line that separates like-minded people living differently and a cult is fascinating. I was constantly reminded of this thin line while reading this excellent memoir. Recommended.