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Pocket Change Collective
Beyond the Gender Binary
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Nonfiction (2020)Pocket Change Collective was born out of a need for space. Space to think. Space to connect. Space to be yourself. And this is your invitation to join us.
In Beyond the Gender Binary, poet, artist, and LGBTQIA+ rights activist Alok Vaid-Menon deconstructs, demystifies, and reimagines the gender binary.
Pocket Change Collective is a series of small books with big ideas from today's leading activists and artists. In this installment, Beyond the Gender Binary, spoken word poet Alok Vaid-Menon challenges the world to see gender not in black and white, but in full color. Taking from their own experiences as a gender-nonconforming artist, they show us that gender is a malleable and creative form of expression. The only limit is your imagination.
In Beyond the Gender Binary, poet, artist, and LGBTQIA+ rights activist Alok Vaid-Menon deconstructs, demystifies, and reimagines the gender binary.
Pocket Change Collective is a series of small books with big ideas from today's leading activists and artists. In this installment, Beyond the Gender Binary, spoken word poet Alok Vaid-Menon challenges the world to see gender not in black and white, but in full color. Taking from their own experiences as a gender-nonconforming artist, they show us that gender is a malleable and creative form of expression. The only limit is your imagination.
64 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 2, 2020
About the author
Alok Vaid-Menon
15 books22k followersAlok is a writer and performance artist. They are the author of Femme in Public (2017), Beyond the Gender Binary (2020), and Your Wound / My Garden (2021). Learn more at www.alokvmenon.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,844 reviews
June 13, 2022
Great introduction to understanding nonbinary identities and the importance of acceptance. Would recommend giving this to people for educational purposes. The standout part for me was the counterarguments to common criticisms and logical fallacies; they’re succinctly explained and to the point. Would’ve liked the book to go more in depth, but it works as a short introduction to the topic.
July 15, 2020
1. It would be absurd to define racism as “a system of power which exists to create conflict and division, not to celebrate creativity and diversity”, right? One’s immediate response would be, why did you gloss the historical factors? Why did you gloss colonialism and slavery? And yet people (including Alok, though they are far from the only offender) do exactly this re: gender. Gender is a hierarchy formed to naturalize the sex-based oppression of women, which also has the effect of oppressing gender non-conforming individuals of both sexes. The fact that we find the same issues of sex based oppression, homophobia and transphobia in societies with ‘third gender identities’ (nb: in some cases, these forces were critical to the creation of these identities in the first place), speaks to the fact that simply having more recognized gender identities is not at the root of the problem. Anyway, this abstracted 'the gender binary exists because people hate creativity' approach leads to Alok's claim that a person being prejudiced against gender non-conforming people is a reflection of that person's own insecurities. I find this a fairly irritating concept. It may be true in some cases, but it's certainly not true in all of them. Sometimes prejudice is intentional and calculated.
2. “The most lethal part of the body is not the fist but the eye. What people see, and how people see it has everything to do with power.” The use of the word ‘power’ in statements like this makes you think that there is some type of analysis here, but there really isn’t. I can look at someone, make false or negative assumptions as to their life, being etc, and they are not affected by virtue of the thoughts in my head. What matters is the actions which follow - do I dismiss, demean, harass, abuse, ignore etc. And the power that these actions have will be a direct reflection of my power in society. Am I a famous writer who can share bigoted rhetoric on a wide platform? Am I a landlord who can deny applicants based on their gender non-conformity? Being able to have that impact on someone’s life, able to define them, deny them rights, deny them services etc is what power is about... Simply looking at them and thinking thoughts in my head as an inherent exercise of power? No. I can think negative thoughts about Jeff Bezos all day but something tells me he'll be fine. Catharine MacKinnon: "Having power means, among other things, that when someone says, ‘This is how it is,’ it is taken as being that way. [...] Speaking socially, the beliefs of the powerful become proof, in part because the world actually arranges itself to affirm what the powerful want to see.”
3. It’s odd how Alok continually speaks about legislation targeting gender non-conforming people when the legislation (as far as I’m aware) is all targeting trans people. While there’s certainly overlap re: gnc and trans people, and also overlap re: the people who are affected by some of these laws, it is fundamentally about limiting the rights of trans people and that should be said.
4. "Gender neutral language like people who give birth, not women who give birth." Big sigh. Why raise this issue specifically if you're not going to talk about why it is so contentious. Of course, we need to respect people's identities, and it is critical for health-care providers to know about trans men and have respect for them in order for trans men to access proper care, but there are reasons why we frame abortion and pregnancy and birth control as women's issues and not gender-neutral issues. Gender neutrality can be a boon to women, and it can also erase our historical and continuing oppression. What is required is nuance and respect when writing on these issues.
5. "The idea that humans have a binary sex is a recent idea from the 1700s." Thomas Laqueur wrote Making Sex in the 1990s. Please read Katharine Park and Helen King and all the other scholars who have explained the problems in his work. The idea of binary sex existed in Ancient Greece, in pre-1700s Europe. And it is absurd to say that scientists believed that only white people had binary sexes.... which scientists? And why does the opinion on these scientists matter? And to what effect? Even if we accept the women are failed men model was the only model anyone had heard of till the 1700s - this model is founded in misogyny. And men still knew that only women could reproduce and so controlled us and our bodies. This belief that white people invented sex-based oppression as part of colonialism is a claim so ludicrous, so ahistorical, so divorced from women’s history and mired in noble savage-ism that I don’t know where to begin in response.
6. "For a long time, and even sometimes today, women were incorrectly seen as innately prone to hysteria." This sounds like the author believes the known misogynistic nonsense condition hysteria actually exists and that not what hysteria actually 'was' because yes, of course, it was only about women.
7. "A wealthy white woman has a fundamentally different experience of womanhood than a working class woman of colour. A man born in Paris, France has a different experience than a man born in Paris, Texas." Women across the world, across time have been subjected to sex-based oppression, ergo have created a movement to deal with women's subjugation. Do the man in Paris France and the man in Paris Texas suffer from historical born-in-a-place-called-Paris oppression? For that matter, does anyone say that rich people of colour have different experiences than poor people of colour ergo anti-racist activism is meaningless? No. We know why this only happens with feminism and feminism alone: because sex based oppression is not taken seriously, because no one wants women to have consciousness of the global reality of sex-based oppression. I wouldn't describe my experiences as a woman as being fundamentally different from white women. I wouldn't describe my mother's experiences growing up in the third world as fundamentally different than my own. While some women might depending on their circumstances, it is not on Alok, someone who does not identify as a woman to say that fundamentally, this is the case.
I believe Alok has said that feminism that doesn’t center trans and nonbinary and intersex people of colour isn’t feminism... people of colour, not women of colour. If feminism isn’t a movement for women, then why call it feminism? Scrap it and call the new movement anti-patriarchy. I believe Alok had the same issue with the Women's March; Alok would prefer it be called the Anti-Misogyny March. I guess this is where we are at.
2. “The most lethal part of the body is not the fist but the eye. What people see, and how people see it has everything to do with power.” The use of the word ‘power’ in statements like this makes you think that there is some type of analysis here, but there really isn’t. I can look at someone, make false or negative assumptions as to their life, being etc, and they are not affected by virtue of the thoughts in my head. What matters is the actions which follow - do I dismiss, demean, harass, abuse, ignore etc. And the power that these actions have will be a direct reflection of my power in society. Am I a famous writer who can share bigoted rhetoric on a wide platform? Am I a landlord who can deny applicants based on their gender non-conformity? Being able to have that impact on someone’s life, able to define them, deny them rights, deny them services etc is what power is about... Simply looking at them and thinking thoughts in my head as an inherent exercise of power? No. I can think negative thoughts about Jeff Bezos all day but something tells me he'll be fine. Catharine MacKinnon: "Having power means, among other things, that when someone says, ‘This is how it is,’ it is taken as being that way. [...] Speaking socially, the beliefs of the powerful become proof, in part because the world actually arranges itself to affirm what the powerful want to see.”
3. It’s odd how Alok continually speaks about legislation targeting gender non-conforming people when the legislation (as far as I’m aware) is all targeting trans people. While there’s certainly overlap re: gnc and trans people, and also overlap re: the people who are affected by some of these laws, it is fundamentally about limiting the rights of trans people and that should be said.
4. "Gender neutral language like people who give birth, not women who give birth." Big sigh. Why raise this issue specifically if you're not going to talk about why it is so contentious. Of course, we need to respect people's identities, and it is critical for health-care providers to know about trans men and have respect for them in order for trans men to access proper care, but there are reasons why we frame abortion and pregnancy and birth control as women's issues and not gender-neutral issues. Gender neutrality can be a boon to women, and it can also erase our historical and continuing oppression. What is required is nuance and respect when writing on these issues.
5. "The idea that humans have a binary sex is a recent idea from the 1700s." Thomas Laqueur wrote Making Sex in the 1990s. Please read Katharine Park and Helen King and all the other scholars who have explained the problems in his work. The idea of binary sex existed in Ancient Greece, in pre-1700s Europe. And it is absurd to say that scientists believed that only white people had binary sexes.... which scientists? And why does the opinion on these scientists matter? And to what effect? Even if we accept the women are failed men model was the only model anyone had heard of till the 1700s - this model is founded in misogyny. And men still knew that only women could reproduce and so controlled us and our bodies. This belief that white people invented sex-based oppression as part of colonialism is a claim so ludicrous, so ahistorical, so divorced from women’s history and mired in noble savage-ism that I don’t know where to begin in response.
6. "For a long time, and even sometimes today, women were incorrectly seen as innately prone to hysteria." This sounds like the author believes the known misogynistic nonsense condition hysteria actually exists and that not what hysteria actually 'was' because yes, of course, it was only about women.
7. "A wealthy white woman has a fundamentally different experience of womanhood than a working class woman of colour. A man born in Paris, France has a different experience than a man born in Paris, Texas." Women across the world, across time have been subjected to sex-based oppression, ergo have created a movement to deal with women's subjugation. Do the man in Paris France and the man in Paris Texas suffer from historical born-in-a-place-called-Paris oppression? For that matter, does anyone say that rich people of colour have different experiences than poor people of colour ergo anti-racist activism is meaningless? No. We know why this only happens with feminism and feminism alone: because sex based oppression is not taken seriously, because no one wants women to have consciousness of the global reality of sex-based oppression. I wouldn't describe my experiences as a woman as being fundamentally different from white women. I wouldn't describe my mother's experiences growing up in the third world as fundamentally different than my own. While some women might depending on their circumstances, it is not on Alok, someone who does not identify as a woman to say that fundamentally, this is the case.
I believe Alok has said that feminism that doesn’t center trans and nonbinary and intersex people of colour isn’t feminism... people of colour, not women of colour. If feminism isn’t a movement for women, then why call it feminism? Scrap it and call the new movement anti-patriarchy. I believe Alok had the same issue with the Women's March; Alok would prefer it be called the Anti-Misogyny March. I guess this is where we are at.
July 23, 2020
"The best way to eliminate a group is to demonize them, such that their disappearance is seen as an act of justice, not discrimination."
Wow. Alok Vaid-Menon, you legend.
I absolutely love ALOK. I found their instagram profile a couple of months ago because of Jameela Jamil's "I Weigh" page and have been following them ever since. I listened to their episode on the I Weigh podcast and was in awe of them. The ideas and misconceptions that they spoke about and the passion with which they conveyed their thoughts was just remarkable.
Until 2020, my knowledge about the non-binary community was limited to the fact that they used they/them pronouns. That was all I knew about them. Being a feminist-in-progress, everytime that I've found myself in an argument with an anti-feminist I have always been prepared with facts and logic to counter every sexist, factually incorrect point they put across. The only reason I've been able to do so is because I have read up on articles and books related to women's rights and women's issues passionately and educated myself.
When it comes to the gender non-conforming community though, I have sadly not done the same. Recently, after JKR tweeted transphobic stuff (yet again!!), I started to read up a lot about the trans community and tried to educate myself on the issues they faced by following trans activists on Instagram and YouTube. A few days later, I got into an argument with a transphobe (TERF) and unlike the times when I'd been able to confidently argue with someone who made no sense, this time I hesitated a little because I was afraid I didn't have all my facts right. And that's when I realized that there was so much more I needed to educate myself about when it came to the gender non-conforming community.
"What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world?"
In Beyond the Gender Binary, ALOK brilliantly clarifies the misconceptions people have when it comes to the gender non-conforming community. They talk about their own experience while growing up—how they were confused about their own gender and sexual identity and how society forced them to deny and hide how they truly felt.
This book is so well-written and concise, reading it was such a great and informative experience. ALOK mentions several statements that bigots use as justifications for why they believe anyone who challenges the gender binary is abnormal, and I think this book is going to be my go-to for the next time I find myself arguing with one.
"Gender is a story, not just a word."
All the stars! Highly recommended!
Wow. Alok Vaid-Menon, you legend.
I absolutely love ALOK. I found their instagram profile a couple of months ago because of Jameela Jamil's "I Weigh" page and have been following them ever since. I listened to their episode on the I Weigh podcast and was in awe of them. The ideas and misconceptions that they spoke about and the passion with which they conveyed their thoughts was just remarkable.
Until 2020, my knowledge about the non-binary community was limited to the fact that they used they/them pronouns. That was all I knew about them. Being a feminist-in-progress, everytime that I've found myself in an argument with an anti-feminist I have always been prepared with facts and logic to counter every sexist, factually incorrect point they put across. The only reason I've been able to do so is because I have read up on articles and books related to women's rights and women's issues passionately and educated myself.
When it comes to the gender non-conforming community though, I have sadly not done the same. Recently, after JKR tweeted transphobic stuff (yet again!!), I started to read up a lot about the trans community and tried to educate myself on the issues they faced by following trans activists on Instagram and YouTube. A few days later, I got into an argument with a transphobe (TERF) and unlike the times when I'd been able to confidently argue with someone who made no sense, this time I hesitated a little because I was afraid I didn't have all my facts right. And that's when I realized that there was so much more I needed to educate myself about when it came to the gender non-conforming community.
"What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world?"
In Beyond the Gender Binary, ALOK brilliantly clarifies the misconceptions people have when it comes to the gender non-conforming community. They talk about their own experience while growing up—how they were confused about their own gender and sexual identity and how society forced them to deny and hide how they truly felt.
This book is so well-written and concise, reading it was such a great and informative experience. ALOK mentions several statements that bigots use as justifications for why they believe anyone who challenges the gender binary is abnormal, and I think this book is going to be my go-to for the next time I find myself arguing with one.
"Gender is a story, not just a word."
All the stars! Highly recommended!
August 9, 2020
I received this book as an ARC from Penguin Teen. All thoughts are my own.
I learned a lot. Not just about the gender binary, but about myself...
Have you ever read a book that not only educates you, but also makes you more aware of yourself? This book. It definitely made me aware of the way that my own mind works in terms of the traditional binary standards. I've been very conscious about not assigning specific toys and clothes and activities to fit the roles of gender when dealing with my child, but while reading this I noticed other things that I do that can be potentially harmful. Vaid-Menon made me more aware of how the world is so used to doing things that are considered "socially acceptable" that they don't take into consideration the way in which they are ostracizing other individuals specifically those that identify outside of the gender binary. There were a lot of "ah ha" moments for me in this book and a lot of moments in which I realized that there is no way that I could ever imagine the amount of pain that non-gender conforming individuals experience on a daily basis. To have to work within the confines of a world that doesn't allow you to be yourself is taxing on the soul and of a person. One of the parts that really resonated with was when Vaid-Menon discusses how people have a willingness to tolerate those that identify as non-gender conforming, but can't even do something as simple as defend non-gender conforming people in public. Vaid-Menon uses references to identify how identities have existed outside the binary for centuries and how it's nothing that is new. Overall, I just feel like this book was too short, but it was so powerful. I also wish that resources for further research were included. I would have really enjoyed that as well. I can't wait to check out the rest of the books in this series that Penguin launched.
I learned a lot. Not just about the gender binary, but about myself...
"Like if you remove our clothing, our makeup, and our pronouns, underneath the surface we are just mean and women playing dress up."
Have you ever read a book that not only educates you, but also makes you more aware of yourself? This book. It definitely made me aware of the way that my own mind works in terms of the traditional binary standards. I've been very conscious about not assigning specific toys and clothes and activities to fit the roles of gender when dealing with my child, but while reading this I noticed other things that I do that can be potentially harmful. Vaid-Menon made me more aware of how the world is so used to doing things that are considered "socially acceptable" that they don't take into consideration the way in which they are ostracizing other individuals specifically those that identify outside of the gender binary. There were a lot of "ah ha" moments for me in this book and a lot of moments in which I realized that there is no way that I could ever imagine the amount of pain that non-gender conforming individuals experience on a daily basis. To have to work within the confines of a world that doesn't allow you to be yourself is taxing on the soul and of a person. One of the parts that really resonated with was when Vaid-Menon discusses how people have a willingness to tolerate those that identify as non-gender conforming, but can't even do something as simple as defend non-gender conforming people in public. Vaid-Menon uses references to identify how identities have existed outside the binary for centuries and how it's nothing that is new. Overall, I just feel like this book was too short, but it was so powerful. I also wish that resources for further research were included. I would have really enjoyed that as well. I can't wait to check out the rest of the books in this series that Penguin launched.
August 2, 2020
This is a pretty good book, but I have a few critiques:
For the depth that Vaid-Menon seeks to engage with, this book is just way too short. In order to critique the gender binary thoroughly, more depth is required. My eBook copy I requested was 46 pages long. Only 46. This is way too short for a book that seeks to dismantle the gender binary. It’s only a start to the conversation, a discourse that requires all people to participate, whether they are trans or not.
As a book called, “Beyond the Gender Binary”, I was sorely disappointed that it spent little to no time addressing non-binary people or trans people as a whole. Instead it steadily used the term “gender non-conforming” and was repeatedly vague about who it was supposed to be addressing in the term “gender non-conforming.” Which is an issue because it creates confusion and begs the question, who is being addressed in this book? GNC non-binary people? GNC trans binary (trans men and trans women) people? GNC cis people? All of the above? So, why is it called “Beyond the Gender Binary” and not “Beyond Gender Norms”? The title feels like it is attempting to appeal to non-binary audiences, but the inside tries to be comfortable for cis audiences to read instead of confronting that non-binary peoples exist, we are here.
Because of this vagueness, it is pretty surface-level. This is a good ice-breaker for attempting to dive into this important topic. Unfortunately, although it appears to be in-depth, when you’ve been studying and analyzing these very things, you see that it is pretty surface-level. The parts that made most sense in this entire book were when Vaid-Menon finally brought up questions and answers about the gender binary in the last 1/4 of the book, although it feels woefully unrelated to the first 3/4 of the book because of the first 3/4 focusing on GNC. Instead of deconstructing the gender binary and sex binary, looking beyond them into gender identity, and considering intersectional perspectives, it instead focuses on gender expression and breaking the gender norms.
Fortunately, this is just the beginning of an era of gender discourse and the start of publishers finally opening their doors to publishing important topics such as this. I believe that Vaid-Menon, especially with the way they discuss these topics, wants to invite the deep. I sincerely hope they are able to explore this depth in future writings, and I look forward to reading them.
For the depth that Vaid-Menon seeks to engage with, this book is just way too short. In order to critique the gender binary thoroughly, more depth is required. My eBook copy I requested was 46 pages long. Only 46. This is way too short for a book that seeks to dismantle the gender binary. It’s only a start to the conversation, a discourse that requires all people to participate, whether they are trans or not.
As a book called, “Beyond the Gender Binary”, I was sorely disappointed that it spent little to no time addressing non-binary people or trans people as a whole. Instead it steadily used the term “gender non-conforming” and was repeatedly vague about who it was supposed to be addressing in the term “gender non-conforming.” Which is an issue because it creates confusion and begs the question, who is being addressed in this book? GNC non-binary people? GNC trans binary (trans men and trans women) people? GNC cis people? All of the above? So, why is it called “Beyond the Gender Binary” and not “Beyond Gender Norms”? The title feels like it is attempting to appeal to non-binary audiences, but the inside tries to be comfortable for cis audiences to read instead of confronting that non-binary peoples exist, we are here.
Because of this vagueness, it is pretty surface-level. This is a good ice-breaker for attempting to dive into this important topic. Unfortunately, although it appears to be in-depth, when you’ve been studying and analyzing these very things, you see that it is pretty surface-level. The parts that made most sense in this entire book were when Vaid-Menon finally brought up questions and answers about the gender binary in the last 1/4 of the book, although it feels woefully unrelated to the first 3/4 of the book because of the first 3/4 focusing on GNC. Instead of deconstructing the gender binary and sex binary, looking beyond them into gender identity, and considering intersectional perspectives, it instead focuses on gender expression and breaking the gender norms.
Fortunately, this is just the beginning of an era of gender discourse and the start of publishers finally opening their doors to publishing important topics such as this. I believe that Vaid-Menon, especially with the way they discuss these topics, wants to invite the deep. I sincerely hope they are able to explore this depth in future writings, and I look forward to reading them.
October 13, 2021
چرا این کتاب رو خوندم؟
چون چیزی که نمیفهمم معذبم میکنه و وقتی تصاویر افرادی مثل نویسنده این کتاب رو میبینم راحت نیستم
فردی با ریش و کفش پاشنه بلند، با موهای زیاد بدن و میکاپ، با فرم بدن مردانه و لباس گلدار بلند
نمیخوام بگم که این آدم حق نداره اینطور لباس بپوشه و جنسیت خودش رو انتخاب کنه. میخوام روراست بگم که من با درک این مسائل بزرگ نشدم و میدونم باید یاد بگیرم
میخوام بگم چرا باید با ژست بهروز بودن وانمود کنم چیزی رو میفهمم، وقتی درک و اطلاعات خیلی کمی ازش دارم؟ به قول خود نویسنده نمیخوام وجود این آدمها رو تحمل کنم، بلکه میخوام آگاهانه بپذیرم
چیزی که در این سالها مخصوصاً از ابتدای بیست سالگی یاد گرفتم اینه که تصویری که از دنیا و درست و غلط به من داده شده به شدت مشکل داره و باید عکسهای جدیدی بگیرم و به جاش بگذارم. درست مثل مسئله گرایش جنسی که از عدم پذیرش کامل شروع کردم و کمکم به درک رسیدم. حالا در مورد هویت جنسی و افرادی که از دستهبندی دوگانه جنسیت پیروی نمیکنند هم میخوام مسیر فهمیدن رو طی کنم
جنسیت غیر باینری پدیدهی جدیدی نیست و فقط این روزها بیشتر از گذشته بهش پرداخته میشه.آدمهای غیرباینری بیشتر دیده میشن و در انگلیسی برای احترام به هویتشون با ضمیر جمع خطاب میشن. این افراد خودشون رو زن یا مرد نمیدونند و در قسمتهای مختلفی از محور جنسیت قرار میگیرند. آدمهایی که اصولاً به خاطر ظاهر و رفتارشون مورد تمسخر و تهدید قرار میگیرند یا مجبور میشن به کلی سرکوبش کنند. البته که این ظاهر مشکلاته و مسائل عمیقتری مثل بودن در معرض خشونت و ناعدالتی در زمینه شغل و دریافت خدمات درمانی وجود داره که همیشه باهاشون درگیرند
کتاب به شدت کوتاهه و برای همین نمیتونه که عمیق به مسائل بپردازه. نویسنده با گفتن از تجربههای خودش در مورد تقلا با هویت جنسی، باعث میشه که بتونی کمی دنیا رو از چشم این افراد ببینی. جملههایی در کتاب بود که عمیقاً جای فکر و بررسی داشت. در قسمتی هم استدلالهایی که بر علیه هویت جنسی غیرباینری آورده میشه دستهبندی شده و جواب داده شده بود. استدلالهایی که ممکنه هرکس بهش فکر کرده باشه
اما ضعف این کتاب در دو مسئله مهمه: ۱. پراکندگی ۲. ادعاهای بدون منبع. بیشتر نوشتهها انگار هیچ نظمی نداره و گاهی به نظر میاد یک موضوع داره تکرار میشه. از طرفی ادعاهای تاریخیای مطرح میشه که نمیگم بیاساسه، اما دانستن منابعش برای پذیرفتنش مهمه
در مجموع فکر میکنم کتاب جمع و جور و خوبی برای شروع مطالعه در این زمینه بود. اینستاگرام اَلک وید-مِنِن رو هم فالو کردم که با بیشتر دیدن و شنیدن ازش بهتر حرفهاش رو بفهمم
۱۴۰۰/۷/۲۱
چون چیزی که نمیفهمم معذبم میکنه و وقتی تصاویر افرادی مثل نویسنده این کتاب رو میبینم راحت نیستم
فردی با ریش و کفش پاشنه بلند، با موهای زیاد بدن و میکاپ، با فرم بدن مردانه و لباس گلدار بلند
نمیخوام بگم که این آدم حق نداره اینطور لباس بپوشه و جنسیت خودش رو انتخاب کنه. میخوام روراست بگم که من با درک این مسائل بزرگ نشدم و میدونم باید یاد بگیرم
میخوام بگم چرا باید با ژست بهروز بودن وانمود کنم چیزی رو میفهمم، وقتی درک و اطلاعات خیلی کمی ازش دارم؟ به قول خود نویسنده نمیخوام وجود این آدمها رو تحمل کنم، بلکه میخوام آگاهانه بپذیرم
چیزی که در این سالها مخصوصاً از ابتدای بیست سالگی یاد گرفتم اینه که تصویری که از دنیا و درست و غلط به من داده شده به شدت مشکل داره و باید عکسهای جدیدی بگیرم و به جاش بگذارم. درست مثل مسئله گرایش جنسی که از عدم پذیرش کامل شروع کردم و کمکم به درک رسیدم. حالا در مورد هویت جنسی و افرادی که از دستهبندی دوگانه جنسیت پیروی نمیکنند هم میخوام مسیر فهمیدن رو طی کنم
جنسیت غیر باینری پدیدهی جدیدی نیست و فقط این روزها بیشتر از گذشته بهش پرداخته میشه.آدمهای غیرباینری بیشتر دیده میشن و در انگلیسی برای احترام به هویتشون با ضمیر جمع خطاب میشن. این افراد خودشون رو زن یا مرد نمیدونند و در قسمتهای مختلفی از محور جنسیت قرار میگیرند. آدمهایی که اصولاً به خاطر ظاهر و رفتارشون مورد تمسخر و تهدید قرار میگیرند یا مجبور میشن به کلی سرکوبش کنند. البته که این ظاهر مشکلاته و مسائل عمیقتری مثل بودن در معرض خشونت و ناعدالتی در زمینه شغل و دریافت خدمات درمانی وجود داره که همیشه باهاشون درگیرند
کتاب به شدت کوتاهه و برای همین نمیتونه که عمیق به مسائل بپردازه. نویسنده با گفتن از تجربههای خودش در مورد تقلا با هویت جنسی، باعث میشه که بتونی کمی دنیا رو از چشم این افراد ببینی. جملههایی در کتاب بود که عمیقاً جای فکر و بررسی داشت. در قسمتی هم استدلالهایی که بر علیه هویت جنسی غیرباینری آورده میشه دستهبندی شده و جواب داده شده بود. استدلالهایی که ممکنه هرکس بهش فکر کرده باشه
اما ضعف این کتاب در دو مسئله مهمه: ۱. پراکندگی ۲. ادعاهای بدون منبع. بیشتر نوشتهها انگار هیچ نظمی نداره و گاهی به نظر میاد یک موضوع داره تکرار میشه. از طرفی ادعاهای تاریخیای مطرح میشه که نمیگم بیاساسه، اما دانستن منابعش برای پذیرفتنش مهمه
در مجموع فکر میکنم کتاب جمع و جور و خوبی برای شروع مطالعه در این زمینه بود. اینستاگرام اَلک وید-مِنِن رو هم فالو کردم که با بیشتر دیدن و شنیدن ازش بهتر حرفهاش رو بفهمم
۱۴۰۰/۷/۲۱
June 16, 2020
A short read, with a wonderful deconstruction of gender expectations in Western society. Alok Vaid-Menon explores the gender preconceptions and expectations that we’re surrounded by, and how these are restricting, limiting, and harmful. Not everyone can or wants to conform to the expected binary, and like many others, Alok suffered years of self-hatred and shame trying to, consequently, it took years for them to come to a place of peace and acceptance with themselves. This small book asks us to really consider our assumptions about gender, and open ourselves to a more expansive definition of this aspect of being human.
January 11, 2022
This is a great primer on the gender non-binary identity! I really liked the second half of the book's format, which was basically Q&A, with common questions about non-binary identity and the underlying philosophy of gender, and I can 100% see referring to this in the future.
August 5, 2022
For being less than 70 pages, this book is an excellent introduction to non-binary issues! Highly recommend
January 13, 2022
Self-serving nonsense. I don't care what anyone who says "little girls are also kinky" has to say.
September 26, 2021
This is a compact, deeply felt, quite lovely book that I feel would be a great primer for everyone in my life who struggles with my pronouns and the concept of being non-binary. I follow Vaid-Menon on IG and I am not too tough to say that I find them honestly inspiring; both for their creativity, the joy they seem to get from just being alive, and how they cope with the shit they put up online and in real life with with such grace. I loved this little book.
"Over time I learned that where I was taught dissonance, I found harmony. This beard, this skirt, this love: There are no contradictions here, there is just someone trying to figure it out. Someone very similar to and very different from you."
"Over time I learned that where I was taught dissonance, I found harmony. This beard, this skirt, this love: There are no contradictions here, there is just someone trying to figure it out. Someone very similar to and very different from you."
September 9, 2024
A great accessible introduction to the concepts of nonbinary gender identities and the gender binary. The inclusions of Vaid-Menon's lived experiences are a nice balance with the analysis and theory. As a pocket guide, this is necessarily simplified and cursory, but I think it does an admirable job addressing a lot. The structure of answering common misconceptions and criticisms -- from the author's social media comments -- worked really well!
no-thanks
March 30, 2021“The narrative is that transgender people will come into bathrooms and abuse little girls.
The supposed 'purity' of the victims has remained stagnant.
There are no princesses. Little girls are
also kinky. Your kids aren't as straight and narrow as you think."
— Alok Vaid-Menon
I will not read anything by a man who describes little girls as “kinky”. Just. No.
Anyone wants to comment about my non review, this book is marked as no-thanks and doesn’t count towards my reading totals and is left without a rating. If you’re dying to defend a paedophile perhaps you need to be quiet and spend a bit of time reflecting on your priorities in life.
Bonus: What a surprise! The father of Queer Theory is a paedo!
https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/...?
The supposed 'purity' of the victims has remained stagnant.
There are no princesses. Little girls are
also kinky. Your kids aren't as straight and narrow as you think."
— Alok Vaid-Menon
I will not read anything by a man who describes little girls as “kinky”. Just. No.
Anyone wants to comment about my non review, this book is marked as no-thanks and doesn’t count towards my reading totals and is left without a rating. If you’re dying to defend a paedophile perhaps you need to be quiet and spend a bit of time reflecting on your priorities in life.
Bonus: What a surprise! The father of Queer Theory is a paedo!
https://grahamlinehan.substack.com/p/...?
June 15, 2023
- AUDIOBOOK -
A great introduction to start the conversation and learn about gender identities, a short novel but still packs a punch.
Listening to this via audiobook was a great experience especially hearing the passion in Alok V-Menon’s voice!
A small but mighty pocketbook, everyone should educate themselves on topics of gender identities and acceptance, and this is a great starting point. I recommend.
A great introduction to start the conversation and learn about gender identities, a short novel but still packs a punch.
Listening to this via audiobook was a great experience especially hearing the passion in Alok V-Menon’s voice!
A small but mighty pocketbook, everyone should educate themselves on topics of gender identities and acceptance, and this is a great starting point. I recommend.
July 15, 2020
As the mom of a non-binary child this book answered so many questions I still had. It's so good.
July 29, 2021
This short tiny book of 68 pages really packs in quite a punch and let’s you ruminate in some realness thanks to the effortlessly awesome prose and logic of Alok V Menon.
They tell us to “be ourselves,” but if you listen closely, there’s more to that sentence: “. . . until you make them uncomfortable.” Be yourself until you make them uncomfortable.
In this book Alok talks about their experiences being non binary in this world, what that means for them and how people react to this, their childhood and all the things that have been told to them. It shows you how society is just so rigid and honestly, idiotic.
At its heart, discrimination against gender non-conforming people happens because of a system that rewards conformity and not creativity. Rather than celebrating people who express themselves on their own terms, we repress them.
(Yes, I am giving up on trying to write well because I can’t after reading this book. Alok just writes so well.)
Now here’s the thing. I’m an ally. I follow a lot of non-binary people, Alok included, and I’ve heard these stories. I’m with them in their fight. So while I appreciated a lot of what Alok was saying, I wondered if I would get anything more from this other than the wonderful prose and insight into their life.
But then, BOOM.
Arguments about gender nonconforming people are about maintaining power and control. Most can be grouped into four categories: dismissal, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope. These are strategies that people use to make the gender binary seem like a given, not a decision.
And then they went into arguments we usually hear and may not have the data, the idea as to how to argue back. Brilliant. Also, as a person who has these doubts and these questions (you may not ask them out loud, but you might think them), it’s great to read these books and get them answered.
Who knows what the future holds? We should not hold ourselves back for the sake of convention. Instead, we should embrace ongoing transformation as a necessary part of what it means to be alive.
This book deserves to be read and listened to. It deserves to be discussed. It’s wonderfully written and conveyed. Would absolutely recommend to everyone trying to understand the subject, opposed to the subject or people who just want to be better allies.
They tell us to “be ourselves,” but if you listen closely, there’s more to that sentence: “. . . until you make them uncomfortable.” Be yourself until you make them uncomfortable.
In this book Alok talks about their experiences being non binary in this world, what that means for them and how people react to this, their childhood and all the things that have been told to them. It shows you how society is just so rigid and honestly, idiotic.
At its heart, discrimination against gender non-conforming people happens because of a system that rewards conformity and not creativity. Rather than celebrating people who express themselves on their own terms, we repress them.
(Yes, I am giving up on trying to write well because I can’t after reading this book. Alok just writes so well.)
Now here’s the thing. I’m an ally. I follow a lot of non-binary people, Alok included, and I’ve heard these stories. I’m with them in their fight. So while I appreciated a lot of what Alok was saying, I wondered if I would get anything more from this other than the wonderful prose and insight into their life.
But then, BOOM.
Arguments about gender nonconforming people are about maintaining power and control. Most can be grouped into four categories: dismissal, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope. These are strategies that people use to make the gender binary seem like a given, not a decision.
And then they went into arguments we usually hear and may not have the data, the idea as to how to argue back. Brilliant. Also, as a person who has these doubts and these questions (you may not ask them out loud, but you might think them), it’s great to read these books and get them answered.
Who knows what the future holds? We should not hold ourselves back for the sake of convention. Instead, we should embrace ongoing transformation as a necessary part of what it means to be alive.
This book deserves to be read and listened to. It deserves to be discussed. It’s wonderfully written and conveyed. Would absolutely recommend to everyone trying to understand the subject, opposed to the subject or people who just want to be better allies.
February 18, 2022
Gender is a story, not a word.
recently i have been thinking—and forced to think—about how to explain love and justice and diversity to people who aren't quite on the same page. books like this one, words like alok vaid-menon's, are part of the change: and i am so grateful for their existence.
recently i have been thinking—and forced to think—about how to explain love and justice and diversity to people who aren't quite on the same page. books like this one, words like alok vaid-menon's, are part of the change: and i am so grateful for their existence.
March 1, 2022
A very quick read as it’s more of an essay than a book. But as a book called ‘Beyond the Gender Binary’ I was disappointed by how little time it spent addressing non-binary people and instead mainly addressed gender non-conforming folk.
Also it often felt like the writing came from a place of anger, rather than education, didn’t really express much that I didn’t already know, and was rather vague and disjointed, really only scratching the surface of this important topic. A good ice breaker on the subject but not much depth to it. I suggest finding another book for those who wish to better understand the gender binary.
Also it often felt like the writing came from a place of anger, rather than education, didn’t really express much that I didn’t already know, and was rather vague and disjointed, really only scratching the surface of this important topic. A good ice breaker on the subject but not much depth to it. I suggest finding another book for those who wish to better understand the gender binary.
June 13, 2020
This short and sweet book not only tackles myths and misconceptions about trans people and the trans experience, but the experience that Alok shares highlights both the brutality that is forced on trans people and the resilience in that experience. While my experience as white and not femme are different than Alok's, I particularly saw myself in the way they speak on shame (the learning and internalizing of it, but also the releasing). This beautiful, colorful, compassionate book is wonderful for beginners and can be a light for those who are not.
September 20, 2023
I’ve been following alok on social media for a minute now and the way they speak is so captivating and poetic to me. I immediately had to see if they had any published works.
I’m happy to say this was an excellent intro to gender non conformity and had endless quotes in this short book. there’s really no reason why you wouldn’t read this.
I will forever read anything they put out. I hope to see much more to come.
I’m happy to say this was an excellent intro to gender non conformity and had endless quotes in this short book. there’s really no reason why you wouldn’t read this.
I will forever read anything they put out. I hope to see much more to come.
March 10, 2021
A perfect and compact guide to the history of gender norms, the impact they have on society, and bits about Alok Vaid-Menon's personal moments expressing their true self.
December 31, 2022
Read this for my women's studies class and really enjoyed it!
my carrd ❦
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
my carrd ❦
August 13, 2021
“We should not hold ourselves back for the sake of convention. Instead, we should embrace ongoing transformation as a necessary part of what it means to be alive.”
A good informative book, really interesting to see their POV, especially because they’re a poc. I liked some parts a lot. My main concern was that some things weren’t analysed as much in depth (providing new info, the aim of this book ig?) as i think they should, and they were too simplified. But it would be a great starter book for people that have no familiarity with this topic or for younger teens.
A good informative book, really interesting to see their POV, especially because they’re a poc. I liked some parts a lot. My main concern was that some things weren’t analysed as much in depth (providing new info, the aim of this book ig?) as i think they should, and they were too simplified. But it would be a great starter book for people that have no familiarity with this topic or for younger teens.
October 2, 2021
ดี ๆ อบอุ่นหัวใจที่ได้อ่าน เป็นหนังสือที่ผู้เขียนระบายความในใจของตัวเองได้อย่างซื่อตรง คมคาย เรียบง่ายและงดงาม
ใครจะไปคิว่าความเป็นหญิงหรือชาย ถูกแบ่งแยกให้แตกต่างเพียงแค่ลักษณะทายกายภาพ ถูกแบ่งแยกจากทัศนคติ จากภาษา หรือจากวัฒนธรรมที่ถูกหล่อหลอมขึ้นมา จนวันหนึ่ง มันคือความจริงที่ว่าธรรมชาติได้สร้างเพศหญิงและเพศชายขึ้นมาให้แตกต่างกัน ให้รู้ได้ทันทีว่าใครคือผู้ชายใครคือผู้หญิงและมันเป็นความจริงหนึ่งเดียวเสมอมา
ใครจะไปคิดว่าความเป็นหญิงหรือชาย ท้ายที่สุดแล้วเป็นแค่มายาคติ ใครจะเห็นภาพบ้างว่ามันไม่เป็นความจริงเลยที่จะมีแค่ขาวกับดำ ใครจะระบายความในใจของตัวเองถึงความรู้สึกนึกคิดของเขาได้ดีเท่ากับคนที่ถูกมองว่าเป็นอื่น
ผู้เขียนพูดถึงเรื่องนี้ได้ดีมาก ๆ มันทำให้เข้าใจกันและกันมากขึ้น มันฉีกกรอบความคิด ขุดลึกไปยังต้นตอของปัญหาที่ผู้เขียนต้องเผชิญ ชี้ให้เห็นว่าสังคมต้องมาทบทวนกันใหม่เรื่องของการนิยามคุณค่าในเรื่องเพศ
ประทับใจนะ มันแสดงให้เห็นว่าผู้เขียนมีความเป็นอิสระจากกรอบแนวคิดเรื่องเพศแบบเดิม ๆ แต่ท้ายที่สุดก็เป็นเขาเองนั่นแหละที่ถูกกัดกินด้วยกรอบแนวคิดแบบใหม่ ผมอธิบายไม่ถูกนะว่ายังไง มันเหมือนกับว่าหนีออกจากคุกเดิมได้สำเร็จ แต่ก็ยังอยู่ในคุกเหมือนเดิมนั่นแหละ
แต่อย่างน้อยคุกอันใหม่ก็กว้างใหญ่กว่าเดิมแหละน่า
ใครจะไปคิว่าความเป็นหญิงหรือชาย ถูกแบ่งแยกให้แตกต่างเพียงแค่ลักษณะทายกายภาพ ถูกแบ่งแยกจากทัศนคติ จากภาษา หรือจากวัฒนธรรมที่ถูกหล่อหลอมขึ้นมา จนวันหนึ่ง มันคือความจริงที่ว่าธรรมชาติได้สร้างเพศหญิงและเพศชายขึ้นมาให้แตกต่างกัน ให้รู้ได้ทันทีว่าใครคือผู้ชายใครคือผู้หญิงและมันเป็นความจริงหนึ่งเดียวเสมอมา
ใครจะไปคิดว่าความเป็นหญิงหรือชาย ท้ายที่สุดแล้วเป็นแค่มายาคติ ใครจะเห็นภาพบ้างว่ามันไม่เป็นความจริงเลยที่จะมีแค่ขาวกับดำ ใครจะระบายความในใจของตัวเองถึงความรู้สึกนึกคิดของเขาได้ดีเท่ากับคนที่ถูกมองว่าเป็นอื่น
ผู้เขียนพูดถึงเรื่องนี้ได้ดีมาก ๆ มันทำให้เข้าใจกันและกันมากขึ้น มันฉีกกรอบความคิด ขุดลึกไปยังต้นตอของปัญหาที่ผู้เขียนต้องเผชิญ ชี้ให้เห็นว่าสังคมต้องมาทบทวนกันใหม่เรื่องของการนิยามคุณค่าในเรื่องเพศ
ประทับใจนะ มันแสดงให้เห็นว่าผู้เขียนมีความเป็นอิสระจากกรอบแนวคิดเรื่องเพศแบบเดิม ๆ แต่ท้ายที่สุดก็เป็นเขาเองนั่นแหละที่ถูกกัดกินด้วยกรอบแนวคิดแบบใหม่ ผมอธิบายไม่ถูกนะว่ายังไง มันเหมือนกับว่าหนีออกจากคุกเดิมได้สำเร็จ แต่ก็ยังอยู่ในคุกเหมือนเดิมนั่นแหละ
แต่อย่างน้อยคุกอันใหม่ก็กว้างใหญ่กว่าเดิมแหละน่า
February 22, 2021
ไม่มีบรรทัดไหนเลยที่เรารู้สึกไม่ชอบในหนังสือเล่มนี้
.
หนังสือว่าด้วยสิ่งที่คนที่มีความลื่นไหลทางเพศ (ใช้คำตามหนังสือ) ต้องพบเจอในสังคมตั้งแต่อดีตมาจนถึงปัจจุบัน ข้ออ้างของพวก cisgender ที่ตรงขนบของเพศทวิลักษณ์ชอบใช้ในการที่จะกดขี่และลบตัวตนของเหล่านอนไบนารี่หรือ transgender
หนังสือซอยเป็นโควตหรือคำพูดคลีเชที่เราพบเจอได้ทุกวัน และแย้งประเด็นเหล่านั้นว่าความจริงแล้วที่โลกมันแย่อยู่อย่างทุกวันนี้ก็เพราะกรอบไบนารี่นั่นแหละ!
ส่วนตัวเราชอบพาร์ทชีววิทยามาก สิ่งที่ได้เรียนในห้องเรียนหรือสิ่งที่ถูกสอนมาไม่ใช่สิ่งที่พูดถูกเสมอไป โครโมโซมเองอาจไม่สามารถแบ่งเพศเป็นชายหญิงได้อย่างชัดเจน ไม่มีดีเอนเอที่เฉพาะเจาะจงสำหรับเพศใดเพศนึง แต่พวกที่มีอำนาจก็ยังชอบเอาหลักของวิทยาศาสตร์มาใช้ในการกดทับและลบล้างตัวตนของนอนไบนารี่อยู่ดี
อ่านเล่มนี้จบแล้ว อาจเรียกได้ว่าเข้าใจสิ่งที่นอนไบนารี่ต้องพบเจอในสังคมมากขึ้นในระดับหนึ่ง ความเจ็บปวดของการเป็นตัวเองและไม่ได้เป็นตัวเอง อยากเชิญชวน Ally และ fem ทุกคนมาอ่านเล่มนี้กันค่ะ!
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หนังสือว่าด้วยสิ่งที่คนที่มีความลื่นไหลทางเพศ (ใช้คำตามหนังสือ) ต้องพบเจอในสังคมตั้งแต่อดีตมาจนถึงปัจจุบัน ข้ออ้างของพวก cisgender ที่ตรงขนบของเพศทวิลักษณ์ชอบใช้ในการที่จะกดขี่และลบตัวตนของเหล่านอนไบนารี่หรือ transgender
หนังสือซอยเป็นโควตหรือคำพูดคลีเชที่เราพบเจอได้ทุกวัน และแย้งประเด็นเหล่านั้นว่าความจริงแล้วที่โลกมันแย่อยู่อย่างทุกวันนี้ก็เพราะกรอบไบนารี่นั่นแหละ!
ส่วนตัวเราชอบพาร์ทชีววิทยามาก สิ่งที่ได้เรียนในห้องเรียนหรือสิ่งที่ถูกสอนมาไม่ใช่สิ่งที่พูดถูกเสมอไป โครโมโซมเองอาจไม่สามารถแบ่งเพศเป็นชายหญิงได้อย่างชัดเจน ไม่มีดีเอนเอที่เฉพาะเจาะจงสำหรับเพศใดเพศนึง แต่พวกที่มีอำนาจก็ยังชอบเอาหลักของวิทยาศาสตร์มาใช้ในการกดทับและลบล้างตัวตนของนอนไบนารี่อยู่ดี
อ่านเล่มนี้จบแล้ว อาจเรียกได้ว่าเข้าใจสิ่งที่นอนไบนารี่ต้องพบเจอในสังคมมากขึ้นในระดับหนึ่ง ความเจ็บปวดของการเป็นตัวเองและไม่ได้เป็นตัวเอง อยากเชิญชวน Ally และ fem ทุกคนมาอ่านเล่มนี้กันค่ะ!
November 29, 2022
An excellent breakdown of the flaws of the gender binary and very well-written!
March 22, 2024
Beautiful and quick read that offers insight into how it feels to be a gender-non conforming person of color.
November 15, 2020
In a cruel twist of irony I pivot from the Aeneid, one of the manliest epics ever written, one which had the vigor and virility to found an entire civilization which conquered all of the Mediterranean, to a postmodern questioning of all of that. I don't have a problem with gender nonbinary people per se, but I have problems with most all of the arguments in this book. There's a difference between disagreeing with someone's views and hating that person, a much needed nuance that no one even considers anymore. Christ commands us to love our neighbors and to care for the oppressed. Sometimes love looks like affirmation, when your neighbor is doing God's will, but sometimes love looks like chastisement. Another nuance freely disposed of in today's shallow reaction culture.
1) I have no problem using the pronoun "they/them" for a single person. You might find this surprising or even infuriating if you're far enough right, but if you calm down for a second and think about how you speak of someone whose gender you don't know, you use "they", or you sound like a dweeb when you get it wrong. I've done this myself to mask the gender of the person I'm talking about. It's something you don't even notice. It's just when attention is drawn to it that people even care.
2) Secondly, the author (and many of their disposition) don't seem to understand how norms work. Norms are not intentionally oppressive. They are built up over time, sometimes through tradition, sometimes through group consent, sometimes biologically, but always very gradually. They are not a creation of the "white supremacist colonial west" or some other boogeyman. That's not what the author explicitly claimed, but that's often the Satan in the mythology of radical progressivism (I mean mythology in a technical way, not in a dismissive way). Anyway, if you act outside of the norm, you will inevitably draw attention to yourself. Norms fade into the background and aren't noticed by most people until someone draws attention to them, for better or for worse. There are bands like Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down who draw attention to political norms they think we need to "wake up" from. That's how the whole "woke" movement got started, as a cliche of that same idea. So to be surprised that deviation from the norm causes attention is to misunderstand the very nature of norms.
3) It's funny how the author explains away the flagrant disregard for norms as "well this is how I feel inside, I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else", when those same activists love to (often rightfully) hold people accountable for good intentions but bad outcomes. This discussion often has this very apt point at its root, that, for oppressed groups, what really matters to them is the outcome, not the intentions. This seems to be utterly lost within the context of nonbinary gender expression.
4) "It's a surreal experience to have your personhood reduced to a prop." I'd agree, but for different reasons. I can't relate to the claim that being unable to wear certain clothes makes you inhuman. Because ultimately, this is an argument about being able to wear dresses and lipstick, right? It's not an argument about who you think you are, we all can do that to our heart's content within our heads. It's really an argument about the public acceptability of manifesting such thoughts. Thus I return to #2. This also brings up my theory of rebellion where we rebel along the lines of what we deem most important, and for the author, this is the body, so of course it's an utter affront to them when they can't wear what they want without inquisitive (or worse) spectators. To me, as someone who values the soul above the body and the mind, I couldn't care less what the government or society tells me is a norm, I'll play along until I have to contradict my conscience and my Lord. This is why I personally don't have a problem with these social norms concerning gender. The author is trying to discuss how this works in the public sphere, however, so technically my opinion is worthless in that sense, we'd need to go to a larger view, and that's where things get tricky.
5) {You edit yourself due to social pressures} I mean yeah, that's how social pressure works. If there are no norms, things can't function. People to an extent have to tear down nuance where they can't afford it. Normally, it's in places like gender, which used to always be assumed, but now people are trying to shift where the norms should be, and it's sudden, it's jarring, and it's to be expected that there's resistance. Those who are awestruck at this are naive beyond belief. As humans, we only have so much RAM per se with which to process our surroundings, to process new information. So of course we need to assume a great many things, and we need to be able to categorize things (good vs bad, dangerous vs safe, male vs female, etc.). That's just how we're built. I think it's reckless the pace at which we've been changing norms lately, and especially the idea that norms are power-driven, inherently oppressive, and that categories are the same way. The best way for lasting change to remain is to make gradual change. I fear a destructive reactionary revolt is in the wings and is only building strength when radical progressives keep pushing exponentially harder on these topics.
6) "People judge gender nonconformity because they're insecure about their identities." This is the classic "they only hate you because they're jealous" cliche/fallacy. It's obviously wrong, and the reason it's wrong is because people can have other identities which are more important than their gender, and which is why they prioritize gender lower on the ladder of identities and thus are more willing to defend the traditional binary and are averse to the critique. A soldier who is fighting a war cannot afford to worry about their gender or their gender expression, they have to worry about the enemy, munitions, supplies, and a slew of other things. A Christian doesn't have to worry about gender or gender expression because they are secure in their identity with Christ, baptized into his death. If not even death can conquer christ, what is gender identity to a christian? A christian wouldn't even give it a second thought.
7) Radical progressives do have a point when they argue scientific knowledge is ever-shifting and sometimes culturally affected (as in the case of eugenics), but they go so far in their postmodernism to doubt the possibility of facts, categories, and binaries per se. Sometimes there are things which are biologically determined. Sometimes there aren't. This point, which is technically correct gets thrown around a bunch as if it proves something, which it really doesn't. Premodernists and Postmodernists can agree that science doesn't have the ultimate say on truth, but we disagree where that is to be found beyond science
8) "The idea that humans have a binary sex is a relatively recent phenomenon from the 1700's." This may be true within certain societies, but western society, the society we live in (the author and I) has always held to two main genders, and maybe in the perverted greek and roman cultures there were more, but Christianity has always been unanimous about this. Once again, here we go with the historical amnesia of everything before the 1700s, symptomatic of radical progressive ideological possession. Like sure, maybe the Roman and Greek pederasts considered their boy loves as something other than male, but are we really gonna go there? Long story short, those variant genders have never been the norm which is what we're discussing, right?
9) {Intersex people aren't accidents or malfunctions, that's just how diversity works} I'm against evolutionary darwinism and even I know that that's wrong. Intersex is a deviation from the coded norms of XY or XX..... I won't chase that any further.
10) The author makes the apt point (which I've made forever) that popularity doesn't determine what's right. But the flip side of that coin is that opposition to popularity doesn't necessitate truth/correctness either. Neither of those work, and that's the hidden pitfall I didn't realize for a long time.
This book was very thought provoking for how short it was, but ultimately it's not the sort of thing which will sway anyone. It consistently strawmans (strawpersons?) the "bigoted" opinion. Of course, some cro-magnons would actually say those things they way the author put them, but it certainly wasn't even intending to be rigorous or to seriously interrogate the issue; it had an end, so it worked as a means to that end.
1) I have no problem using the pronoun "they/them" for a single person. You might find this surprising or even infuriating if you're far enough right, but if you calm down for a second and think about how you speak of someone whose gender you don't know, you use "they", or you sound like a dweeb when you get it wrong. I've done this myself to mask the gender of the person I'm talking about. It's something you don't even notice. It's just when attention is drawn to it that people even care.
2) Secondly, the author (and many of their disposition) don't seem to understand how norms work. Norms are not intentionally oppressive. They are built up over time, sometimes through tradition, sometimes through group consent, sometimes biologically, but always very gradually. They are not a creation of the "white supremacist colonial west" or some other boogeyman. That's not what the author explicitly claimed, but that's often the Satan in the mythology of radical progressivism (I mean mythology in a technical way, not in a dismissive way). Anyway, if you act outside of the norm, you will inevitably draw attention to yourself. Norms fade into the background and aren't noticed by most people until someone draws attention to them, for better or for worse. There are bands like Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down who draw attention to political norms they think we need to "wake up" from. That's how the whole "woke" movement got started, as a cliche of that same idea. So to be surprised that deviation from the norm causes attention is to misunderstand the very nature of norms.
3) It's funny how the author explains away the flagrant disregard for norms as "well this is how I feel inside, I'm doing it for me, not for anyone else", when those same activists love to (often rightfully) hold people accountable for good intentions but bad outcomes. This discussion often has this very apt point at its root, that, for oppressed groups, what really matters to them is the outcome, not the intentions. This seems to be utterly lost within the context of nonbinary gender expression.
4) "It's a surreal experience to have your personhood reduced to a prop." I'd agree, but for different reasons. I can't relate to the claim that being unable to wear certain clothes makes you inhuman. Because ultimately, this is an argument about being able to wear dresses and lipstick, right? It's not an argument about who you think you are, we all can do that to our heart's content within our heads. It's really an argument about the public acceptability of manifesting such thoughts. Thus I return to #2. This also brings up my theory of rebellion where we rebel along the lines of what we deem most important, and for the author, this is the body, so of course it's an utter affront to them when they can't wear what they want without inquisitive (or worse) spectators. To me, as someone who values the soul above the body and the mind, I couldn't care less what the government or society tells me is a norm, I'll play along until I have to contradict my conscience and my Lord. This is why I personally don't have a problem with these social norms concerning gender. The author is trying to discuss how this works in the public sphere, however, so technically my opinion is worthless in that sense, we'd need to go to a larger view, and that's where things get tricky.
5) {You edit yourself due to social pressures} I mean yeah, that's how social pressure works. If there are no norms, things can't function. People to an extent have to tear down nuance where they can't afford it. Normally, it's in places like gender, which used to always be assumed, but now people are trying to shift where the norms should be, and it's sudden, it's jarring, and it's to be expected that there's resistance. Those who are awestruck at this are naive beyond belief. As humans, we only have so much RAM per se with which to process our surroundings, to process new information. So of course we need to assume a great many things, and we need to be able to categorize things (good vs bad, dangerous vs safe, male vs female, etc.). That's just how we're built. I think it's reckless the pace at which we've been changing norms lately, and especially the idea that norms are power-driven, inherently oppressive, and that categories are the same way. The best way for lasting change to remain is to make gradual change. I fear a destructive reactionary revolt is in the wings and is only building strength when radical progressives keep pushing exponentially harder on these topics.
6) "People judge gender nonconformity because they're insecure about their identities." This is the classic "they only hate you because they're jealous" cliche/fallacy. It's obviously wrong, and the reason it's wrong is because people can have other identities which are more important than their gender, and which is why they prioritize gender lower on the ladder of identities and thus are more willing to defend the traditional binary and are averse to the critique. A soldier who is fighting a war cannot afford to worry about their gender or their gender expression, they have to worry about the enemy, munitions, supplies, and a slew of other things. A Christian doesn't have to worry about gender or gender expression because they are secure in their identity with Christ, baptized into his death. If not even death can conquer christ, what is gender identity to a christian? A christian wouldn't even give it a second thought.
7) Radical progressives do have a point when they argue scientific knowledge is ever-shifting and sometimes culturally affected (as in the case of eugenics), but they go so far in their postmodernism to doubt the possibility of facts, categories, and binaries per se. Sometimes there are things which are biologically determined. Sometimes there aren't. This point, which is technically correct gets thrown around a bunch as if it proves something, which it really doesn't. Premodernists and Postmodernists can agree that science doesn't have the ultimate say on truth, but we disagree where that is to be found beyond science
8) "The idea that humans have a binary sex is a relatively recent phenomenon from the 1700's." This may be true within certain societies, but western society, the society we live in (the author and I) has always held to two main genders, and maybe in the perverted greek and roman cultures there were more, but Christianity has always been unanimous about this. Once again, here we go with the historical amnesia of everything before the 1700s, symptomatic of radical progressive ideological possession. Like sure, maybe the Roman and Greek pederasts considered their boy loves as something other than male, but are we really gonna go there? Long story short, those variant genders have never been the norm which is what we're discussing, right?
9) {Intersex people aren't accidents or malfunctions, that's just how diversity works} I'm against evolutionary darwinism and even I know that that's wrong. Intersex is a deviation from the coded norms of XY or XX..... I won't chase that any further.
10) The author makes the apt point (which I've made forever) that popularity doesn't determine what's right. But the flip side of that coin is that opposition to popularity doesn't necessitate truth/correctness either. Neither of those work, and that's the hidden pitfall I didn't realize for a long time.
This book was very thought provoking for how short it was, but ultimately it's not the sort of thing which will sway anyone. It consistently strawmans (strawpersons?) the "bigoted" opinion. Of course, some cro-magnons would actually say those things they way the author put them, but it certainly wasn't even intending to be rigorous or to seriously interrogate the issue; it had an end, so it worked as a means to that end.
March 2, 2025
I picked this up on a whim at my local indie bookshop. It’s a trim and cute little volume, definitely pocket-sized (and yes, many of my dresses have pockets). Beyond the Gender Binary is an essay about exactly that: what does it mean to be nonbinary? Furthermore, how can our society itself move beyond the idea of binary gender? Alok Vaid-Menon relates some anecdotes from their own life while passionately breaking down the myths, stereotypes, and common nonstarter arguments against a more expansive and inclusive approach to gender.
Many people labour under the misconception that moving our society in a less binary direction means everyone needs to ditch gender and become nonbinary. I say this because I thought that way once, long long ago. I had to take a dreary sociology course in first-year university, and the professor had us read The Left Hand of Darkness and discuss (in an online forum) whether gender was necessary in our society. I passionately argued, as far as I can recall, that eliminating gender was not as desirable as eliminating gender roles and stereotypes. Maybe eighteen-year-old Kara deep down sensed that strong internal gender identity that even then was yearning to tell her she was actually a woman, I don’t know. I just remember bristling at the thought of a blanket agender society.
This is not, of course, what Vaid-Menon or any gender activist is arguing! They address this in Beyond the Gender Binary, as does pretty much every nonbinary, agender, or genderqueer person who has a conversation with ignorant schlubs like myself. Rather, Vaid-Menon points out how dismantling the gender binary involves challenging our assumptions about what gender means and how we have baked it into everything from conversation to cooking to clothes.
At sixty-five A5-size pages, this essay is not a long or difficult read. It’s not really meant for trans people or even cis people who are relatively aware of the current state of this discourse. The target audience is likely cis people who are curious but who have also heard a lot of misinformation, or who want to arm themselves with a little more knowledge. Vaid-Menon doesn’t go into detail while debunking any of these myths, however, so if you are looking for facts, statistics, or a more thorough explanation, you’ll want to read further.
Ultimately, this is the kind of essay that probably works better as a digital artifact to be shared in inboxes and on feeds. Nevertheless, the print edition is still cute, and the words are still full of conviction and power.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
Many people labour under the misconception that moving our society in a less binary direction means everyone needs to ditch gender and become nonbinary. I say this because I thought that way once, long long ago. I had to take a dreary sociology course in first-year university, and the professor had us read The Left Hand of Darkness and discuss (in an online forum) whether gender was necessary in our society. I passionately argued, as far as I can recall, that eliminating gender was not as desirable as eliminating gender roles and stereotypes. Maybe eighteen-year-old Kara deep down sensed that strong internal gender identity that even then was yearning to tell her she was actually a woman, I don’t know. I just remember bristling at the thought of a blanket agender society.
This is not, of course, what Vaid-Menon or any gender activist is arguing! They address this in Beyond the Gender Binary, as does pretty much every nonbinary, agender, or genderqueer person who has a conversation with ignorant schlubs like myself. Rather, Vaid-Menon points out how dismantling the gender binary involves challenging our assumptions about what gender means and how we have baked it into everything from conversation to cooking to clothes.
At sixty-five A5-size pages, this essay is not a long or difficult read. It’s not really meant for trans people or even cis people who are relatively aware of the current state of this discourse. The target audience is likely cis people who are curious but who have also heard a lot of misinformation, or who want to arm themselves with a little more knowledge. Vaid-Menon doesn’t go into detail while debunking any of these myths, however, so if you are looking for facts, statistics, or a more thorough explanation, you’ll want to read further.
Ultimately, this is the kind of essay that probably works better as a digital artifact to be shared in inboxes and on feeds. Nevertheless, the print edition is still cute, and the words are still full of conviction and power.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
November 21, 2021
“The thing about shame is that it eats at you until it fully consumes you. Then you cannot tell the difference between their shame and your own— between a body and an apology.”
I am very conflicted about this book. But I don't give it enough relevance in my life to bother too much with it.
Firstly: This book is a great start to begin to understand what gender non-conforming people go through and how society views them/us and have a conversation about the roots and problems of gendered anything.
However, Alok never really distinguishes who is meant by that group of "gender non-conforming" people and who isn't. "Gender non-conforming" is not solely a topic for non-binary people and not even solely for the trans* community. Any cis man and cis woman can be gender non-conforming. But Alok's surface-level descriptions and evaluations that seem strongly based on personal emotion and experience don't allow for clarification. If this is a topic new and still unclear to you, it might not lead to the clarification you were hoping for.
While I was reading this book, I must say, I had only a few incidents where I felt like the book was actually talking to me, a non-binary person. Alok writes about the experiences of "gender non-conforming" people in a way that clearly addresses the cis majority. It seems to me that with this approach the author tries to put gender non-conforming people in a very specific "victim" role - that we are undoubtedly in (to a certain context)! - to influence the cis readers to feel sorry for us and maybe feel a little guilty. Let's just say, I felt it was more an emotional attempt to let cis people see how gender non-conforming people suffer daily instead of giving clear information and critically deconstructing/dismantling the gender-binary and the sex-binary and all its (oftentimes very silly) categories of "boy"/"girl" (clothes, colors, etc).
With the topic the author tries to approach, the book is way too short to even cut slightly below surface level. It might seem very in-depth to someone who just gets introduced to it - so for this, the book can be a good start -, but if you have lived this experience plus/or analyzed, watched, researched it for a longer time, you notice that Alok does not manage to dig deep and actually represent non-binary in this.
The title clearly suggests that this book introduces the reader to people who exist outside or "beyond the gender binary". As mentioned before, Alok refers to "gender non-conforming" people much more than to actually highlight non-binary* people. I read in a review that a more fitting title would have been "Beyond The Gender Norm" and I can only agree with this.
Alok further states some things that are to be taken in with some caution. In one part, he states that the eye is more powerful than the fist. I understand what he is trying to say with this, but to suggest the thoughts someone has over any part of us are more harmful than the actions they take (be it verbal or physical) is more than a little dangerous. This simplified metaphor doesn't quite hold for me, even though I understand what the author was trying to convey.
"What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world?"
On a positive note, I really enjoyed some of the questions Alok threw at the readers and I wish they would have lingered with them a little longer at times. This particular quote hit me hard. I think everyone who reflects on their existence in this patriarchy and capitalism can say they had to destroy a part of themself if they truly think about it. But for me as a non-binary person, this quote reflects my conscious everyday life- parts of me I hide, parts of me I continue to press down or destroy for the exchange of mental, emotional, and bodily safety.
I also appreciated how the author included regular questions or statements non-binary and trans folks get met with. Here I would have liked if Alok could have explained some of their answers more in-depth and step-by-step so any person reading it would feel they understood the argument/reasoning behind the answer. I think this particular section would be super helpful for young people when they approach the topic of "am I even cis?" or "do I want to express myself gender non-conformingly?".
I understand this book likely isn't the place for it but I would have appreciated if some other voices would have been mentioned, possibly studies and if at the end of the book there would have been a list of resources where interested people can further educate themself on the topic.
I also think Alok should have included the very important aspect of listening to gender non-conforming, trans and non-binary people first-hand and when in doubt, believe them and not a cis majority who does not live our experiences. All within reason and logic of course. But the issue with the narrative of people outside of marginalized groups talking about issues of marginalized groups is an important one.
I wanna leave this appeal here: If a book is written by a non-binary person about non-binary issues, give them the benefit of the doubt and see if their words seem logical, consistent with facts, and can be found in a big part of / the majority of educated non-binary voices - instead of looking at cis or binary trans people for evaluation. The same goes for reviews and critiques (including reviews about this very book). If non-binary people judge, criticize, praise, analyze a text about non-binary people (or with enby rep), listen to those voices first.
Of course, any other person can review the book with just as much insight and knowledge as an educated* non-binary person. But first and foremost, listen to the group of educated people from that marginalized group.
*educated in this case means showing skills of reflection, analysis, and knowledge of (regular/historical/legal/hidden) non-binary issues. As within every group, there are people who have not (yet) seen the depth of some aspects or problems (me always included!)
On that note, a last quote.
They tell us to “be ourselves,” but if you listen closely, there’s more to that sentence: “. . . until you make them uncomfortable.” Be yourself until you make them uncomfortable.
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