Nineteen

by Arly Carmack

"I felt the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Nothing was real. Nothing could be real. Everything I thought I was had been ripped out from inside of me...it felt like I was sinking in quicksand, but I got up and ran anyway. I ran down the broken, lifted sidewalks. I ran under the old trees with their long drooping branches. I ran in the moonlight and the streetlight...I kept running. I had never run before. But that night, somehow, I was running. My legs felt like they were weighed down by a hundred anchors, but something made me keep running."

As Cameron Metzger stands on the cusp of age twenty, he reflects on his life as an underachieving hopeless romantic. He vividly recalls first cars and first kisses with sentimental sadness, as he struggles to cope with the suffocating secret that he kept hidden for years. He learns that he's not the only family member with a secret, and what he discovers changes him forever.

Genres: Romance, New Adult

326 pages, ebook

Published November 1, 2019

Reviews

[Susan's Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved young Cameron Metzger! I will never forget him. I want to give this fabulous story a standing ovation!


Cameron became very real to me. He behaves and speaks almost exactly as my own brothers did, growing up, except that Cameron had way more emotional maturity! (Sorry, bros!)



Cameron has all the same hormonal urges as every other young teen, but he discovers early on that sex for him isn't satisfying unless there is an element of emotion involved as well. What a rare and wonderful ideal to possess in this, as Cameron puts it, "over-sexed" generation.



Cameron's first relationship with popular Stephanie is an epic disaster. She won't acknowledge him at school, but has no issues sleeping with him and making his life hell.



His next two relationships are just as unsatisfying or toxic, and he begins to equate sex with pain and unhappiness. Cameron is too sensitive and caring for the rough and tumble environment of high school - and life in general.



There is also a huge disconnect between Cameron and his family. His siblings are about 20 years older than he is and he suspects that his Dad hates him. His uptight, intolerant father keeps accusing Cameron of being gay and/or high on drugs. Cameron felt unsupported by his family and has few friends because he doesn't fit the usual mold. But things change when Cameron's father forces him to move out after he graduates from high school.



Fortunately, fate finally seems to be taking a hand in redirecting Cameron's life when he answers an ad in the local paper. The ad was placed by an older woman that he has always had a hopeless crush on. Lisa is 32 and is a frequent customer in the specialty grocery shop where he works. Naively, Cameron decides then and there that a relationship with Lisa was meant to be, and he happily moves into the small rental unit above her garage. Things don't turn out exactly as he had imagined they would, but he is happier now that he is out from under his father's disapproving glare.



Both Cameron and Lisa have been damaged by their previous partners, both physically and mentally. I approved of the slow but steady evolution of their mutually supportive friendship. Cameron is such a lovable, decent and nurturing young man.



I also enjoyed watching Cameron grow from an uncertain 16 year old to a more self-assured 20 year old in this story.And for all of you "twist" lovers out there, there is certainly a huge one in this novel. Many of you will see it coming, but Cameron is devastated by this big reveal.

(I read - a while ago - on Arly Carmack's website, if I remember correctly - that Cameron's story will be continued, with a working title of Twenty-one.... This relieved my mind!)

I want to give this refreshing, "real-life feeling," beautifully written novel a 10 out of 5 stars! Promising authors like Arly Carmack deserve to be supported and encouraged. I am so looking forward to her next novel! Highly, highly recommended! EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK!


My thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a free ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

PS: Arly Carmack has published another book: ! The Pastel Effect by Arly Carmack spins total magic with her words!

PPS: The Pastel Effect was FABULOUS!!!

[Sheena ☆ Book Sheenanigans · Rating 3 out of 5]

By the end of chapter four, I already knew what the secret was and I was all in for finding out how the story played out. Sue me, I love the drama. After reading the prologue, I was hooked on this read and was surprised that I finished this in one sitting. 3-4 hours? Almost hitting that 1AM mark, oh dear! Nevertheless I was on the fence with this one. "Nineteen" covers the awkward gap between adolescence and adulthood, and Cameron being the lost and troubled soul stuck in between. I was immediately immersed by the authors ability to write realistic emotional driven dialogue and the out of place loveless "loved" teen relatable character and his circumstances. The dynamic between him and his 'family' added that little something something to win me over, and towards the end you couldn't help but root for him and his happiness. Despite the enjoyable experience pricking up this novel, there were a few cons that bothered me before the cliffhanger in which I must note was well executed. The main issue I had with this coming of age novel was the unresolved conflict between Cameron and his family in which case is one of the underlying issues Cameron has to face during his journey to adulthood. Their treatment of the lead nearly left a bad taste in my mouth and nothing was truly resolve. Furthermore besides Cameron, there was no real character development amongst the other characters and the built up in Cameron discovering he wasn’t the only one with a secret failed my expectations. I expected something a little more than what actually happened and the aftermath of that discovery fell entirely flat to me. Be that as it may, I was still impressed by the author’s debut novel and I look forward to seeing her future releases.

[Cyndi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our hero has reached his nineteenth year of life feeling completely displaced in his life. His parents are older. His father treats him like a visiting relative. The son of the distant cousin you never liked or understood. His mother often forgets him. They even put his high school graduation photo in a different part of the house than his much older brother and sister. The only person in the family who gives him any attention is his older brother. Mostly because he is a psychologist and is often called upon by their parents. As for the sister, she is in the army and is never home.
So our hero lives in his head a lot. He works at a grocery store and has an affinity for old cars. This leads to the life he finds for himself away from his family, For our hero his nineteenth year is a game changer.
Good book with interesting characters all seen from the pov of a teenage boy.

[Noreen Machelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was raw, emotional and engrossing. It was raw almost to the point of being uncomfortable, in the way life sometimes is. This isn't my usual genre and I'm so glad I branched out. I'm looking forward to next book!

[Mary Tippett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant story from the rare perspective of a 19 year old male who hasn't quite fit in with his family.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carmack has written a very raw and realistic novel about that awkward time between adolescence and adulthood and has done a wonderful job of immersing the reader in the awkward and often painful life of post-teen Cameron. This novel is not afraid to confront controversial subjects and the reader gets a very intimate look inside the character's head.

[The Dahlia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good read!

I love the style of how this book opened capturing readers and engaging from the first page. This is a new style of storytelling that I've experienced giving a softer side of the teenage years with true and relatable emotions.

[M.M. Clem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I have a thousand things I want to say so if this seems very disjointed, that’s why. At first, I wasn’t loving this book because of the POV, which isn’t the author’s fault, but my own personal preference. I kept on reading though and I’m glad I did. I fell into the story on a deeper level because of the POV actually, which helped me to feel a personal connection to the main character, Cameron.

This story chronicles his life during that weird gap between adolescence adulthood, that often forgotten time, that overlooked period where so much personal growth occurs. We get to see that growth in Cameron though and experience it with him. We feel his frustration and the distancing between him and his parents, his often melancholy attitude towards women and relationships (except with Lisa), and his laissez faire outlook on his life in general. The author’s character development for Cameron was excellent, though I would’ve liked to see her delve further into developing other characters more as well.

Cameron deals with several real life and serious issues during this time. I liked the way that Carmack used a typically female issue and brought it to the forefront for a male character, describing HIS feelings about it, how HE dealt with the aftermath, how HE had to live with his decision. We don’t see that often and it was both unique and enlightening to ponder about how men truly DO respond.

As much as I enjoyed this story and the overall writing, I couldn’t give it 5 stars. I honestly wasn’t sure about 4. My reason for this is the ending. I’m a stickler for endings (I was truly loving the story until the last chapter). I get that they don’t have to be pretty. I get that they don’t have to all have HEAs; I’m a writer myself, I get it. What I didn’t get was this ending, and maybe that’s on me. Maybe I didn’t understand what the author was trying to convey. It just left me really uncomfortable, angry, and asking why?

[Linda Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Nineteen by Arly Carmack was a bit of a change for me. A “coming of age” novel from the perspective of a guy and written by a female author...interesting! The stereotype mold has been broken.

Camron reflects back on his life at the age of 19...his sexual exploits and his place in his family. There is a driving secret that is moving this story of Cameron’s life. I guessed it early on; but that’s not the point. There’s another secret. Cameron’s secret. Cameron knows that he isn’t a real part of the family and he has come to accept it. His isolation with his own family...always feeling more like a stranger than a son or brother spoke volumes to me. I could see it through Cameron’s eyes. ⁣

It is what it is as he trudges through his mundane and useless life. Searching for love. Searching for acceptance. Searching for something.

Arly Carmack is a master character builder. She built, honed and groomed every single character with expert precision. Every character introduced had a purpose, a role to play in the grand scheme of it all. Not one character is superfluous. Who did I love the most? Mario! Even with all of his faults and flaws, perhaps that is the very reason I loved him. Even the Metzger family is a character. Then Carmack slowly breaks and chisels the family down to individual characters. I really didn’t like Doug, though. He comes off as a “do gooder” good son; but he does eventually shows some redeeming qualities in the end.

The building of Cameron’s world is meticulously developed and the flow has real lifes up and downs making the story believable...making you want to turn the page and the next and next till there’s no more pages to turn and you find yourself staring at the very last page.

[Halo Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

An emotional roller coaster

Oh this book was hard for me. I read it sight unseen, didn't read the blurb first, just jumped in on the recommendation of a friend. Love the cover and the vibe.

I will admit, initially I wasn't sure it was my cup of tea, I wasn't sure where it was going, I wasn't sure if I loved the main character, Cameron, I was uncomfortable with the setup of his backstory, and I felt like there were a LOT of potential storylines being built.

And then Arly Carmack started to weave the story, and suddenly for me, the different story lines took on life and shape and I started to feel each of the characters.

This story is a heavy dose of reality, I struggled with the ending, I was near tears a couple of times, and the hits just kept on coming. All that said, I'm glad that I read it. The storytelling is on point. It is well-written. It is thought provoking, and sometimes that is exactly what I need.

Would definitely recommend, look forward to the next installment.

[Stephanie Miranda · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW was this book really good! I was not emotionally prepared. I received this book from netgalley and I’m so thankful I did. I stayed up reading the entire book. I couldn’t put it down. The characters are well written and as infuriating some may be you could still understand why they are the way they are. I highly recommend this coming of age book!

[Ksenia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this novel. The author wrote it from the protagonist's perspective that adds extra depth to the story. I’ve already forgotten what it means to be a teenager, and this book left me thinking about the vulnerability of our youth and their struggle with depression that often hides behind incredible stamina. I’m looking forward to reading more of Arly’s books.

[Sarah Neofield]

Arly Carmack's "Nineteen" isn't just about being nineteen. It's about being sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen and twenty. And even about being thirty(something).
When I first started reading "Nineteen", I described it to someone who asked as "a rollercoaster". And like most good rollercoasters, no matter how many dips and dives it has, the first part is really just the wind up for the big run about halfway through - and for the grand finale, which leaves you feeling lightheaded and even confused at the end.
For the most part, "Nineteen" deals with sex - and particularly, with the physical, emotional, and social aftermath of sexual encounters. While not every possibility is covered (that would extend far beyond the scope of a single book!) Carmack tackles a variety of issues ranging from from sexual violence to abortion. Perhaps most interestingly, the book does so from the perspective of a young man - one who discovers what it is like to hurt, and to be hurt.
Carmack has a unique writing style, and is the absolute master of opening sentences. (How is this for the first sentence of chapter one? "I had come to the conclusion that I didn't know a damn thing about myself" - and all seventy-two chapters begin just as attention-grabbingly)
"Nineteen" is written in the first person, from the perspective of the (not always) nineteen-year-old protagonist, Cameron. This leads to some interesting outcomes. We are often told about Cam's past actions or patterns of behaviour (e.g. waiting for a letter, having dinner with someone etc.) at the exact moment it becomes pertinent to the story. While on the one hand, this can detract from the sense of urgency and plot driving the story (as we never really experience the anguish of waiting, or the awkwardness of events with him), on the other hand, it can be said that this heightens the sense we experience of Cam as storyteller, since this is exactly how a real friend would relay a story.
"How do you detect a real story?" asks Carmack (as Cam) in the opening sections of the story. "Messy people in shitty situations".
I happen to agree wholeheartedly with this definition - and by this measure, "Nineteen" is certainly a real story.
Just like the age for which it is named, "Nineteen" is difficult to categorise. Although it's some time since I was nineteen, as I read Carmack's book, I felt myself reflecting on what this age means. In some countries (such as my own) eighteen is the age of adulthood. In others (such as where I read this book) it's twenty. And yet in other places (including, I believe, the place Cam inhabits) it is twenty-one.
Nineteen, however, is both a significant and a nothing age in all but a handful of countries (and a couple of states in the US and Canada). It is perhaps best described as "in-between", and likewise, I'd describe "Nineteen" as between genres.
Given its title, it might be tempting to categorise "Nineteen" as YA (or perhaps more accurately, NA). But "Nineteen" explores the lives of and will appeal to people of all ages.
It's also tempting to think of it as a "Christian" book, since, especially in the second half, the characters' religion (all Christian, and more specifically, the sort that use phrases such as "pray on" and "faith journey") features quite predominantly. Yet (as is truer of real life than most books in that genre), their religion provides no clear, concrete answers and neither (as is truer of real people than most protagonists in that genre) do Carmack's characters follow the tenants of their faith anywhere near perfectly. In fact, while many of the negative repercussions of sexuality are explored at length, the majority of the characters do not consider abstinence. And as one of the characters keenly observes "you can either pray for your sins or pay for your sins."
Finally, as in real life, the message of "Nineteen" (if there is a single message) is complex, or even, as the quote above suggests, "messy". Characters feel responsibility for decisions that weren't theirs to make, and at other times, fail to own up to those that were. There was plenty in "Nineteen" that I disagreed with Cam on. The importance of biology compared to love, for example, or passion versus respect. But I don't believe it is necessary to completely agree with a character in order to be interested in their story, or what they have to say. And Cam, those of us with a few more years under the belt must remember, is young - whether he's an adult at eighteen, twenty, or stuck in the middle at nineteen.
Regardless of whether you agree with the decisions made - or how the characters ultimately feel about them - "Nineteen" will make you think, about relationships, life, and whether the "formula" for life (that screws over most of us - male and female) is really worth adhering to.

[Past Tenseee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love how the book is written. It's like Cameron is talking to me. You will not be confused on shifting of flashbacks and the present time. Somehow, Cameron's story is awkward for me, because of my very own perspective in teenage life, and I'm not used to reading this kind of genre. This book is very emotional and realistic. It shows the line between adolescent and adulthood which we can relate to. On some point, it's predictable because I already knew the secret of Cameron's family in the first five chapters of the book, which doesn't gave me the feels. The ending is kinda disappointing, but maybe the author would write another book for this.

[Bookish Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an ebook version of this from Netgalley. Thank you for that.

This book was real, raw and at times uncomfortable. It reminded me of what it was like to be a teenager and feel like no one understood you.

Cameron is a very sensitive boy. He doesn't feel like he belongs in his family and just sticks to himself. He doesn't have any friends and is content to work on his cars in silence. Then a popular girl at school noticed him and things got hot and heavy between them.

Most of this book is told from 19 year old Cameron's perspective as he looks back on all of his teenage issues and wondering if he could have done them any differently and changed the outcome of who he is. He's already been through a lot and the hits just keep on coming.

The ending pissed me off.

[Courtney M · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why did I read this book?

I stumbled upon "Nineteen" and saw that it had a seemingly impossibly high rating for a book that I had never heard anything about.

I thought that could only mean one thing: I had stumbled upon a hidden gem and was about to be wowed.

I didn’t consider the other options...



What I had in mind for this book based on the synopsis (and from other reviews) was a somewhat hard-hitting coming-of-age story with a twist ending and a tad of romance. What I got was smut between teenagers and age-gap relationships with a side of religious themes and what I can’t help but think were some anti-abortion messages.

The writing style is mediocre, the plotlines confusing as we jump between past and present without much notice, and the characters (specifically the female love interests) lacked enough description to tell them apart. I might have tolerated this a bit more if Cameron had been anything special, but considering I’d completely forgotten his name in the few days between finishing the book and writing this review, that’s clearly not true.

And for the record, turning the over-used YA trope of ‘I’m not like other girls’ into ‘I’m not like other boys’ doesn’t count as being creative. Cameron says over and over that he’s different than other teenage boys because he likes relationships and romance more than one-night stands and sex, and yet he thinks about sex almost all the time. Like, get ready to read about him being turned on by women’s calves every few pages.



There were plenty of times that I wanted to stop reading but where I kept going in the hopes that I would find the reveal that other reviews said the book was leading up to (even if I didn’t exactly feel like it was building towards anything in particular).

There ended up being two surprises, neither of which I can say I saw coming.

The first was actually pretty interesting and almost started leading the story in a direction that I could get behind, even if it came a bit too early.



The other is the ending, which ends up being a surprise because it’s so terrible.

In fact, the rest of the book would have been sort of...passable...if not for the atrocious last chapters.
It’s like Carmack was writing along and got to a certain page count and thought ‘yeah, I should probably wrap this up now...but how?’ and had no idea how to create resolution or conclusions and so smacked on something that would stop everything dead in its tracks. It doesn’t make sense, has no lead-up, is hasty and tacked on and ends up making the rest of the story basically useless to have read. It’s the equivalent of saying ‘and it was all a dream,’ which anyone who knows about writing will tell you is an ending you should definitely avoid.

But on top of that, the last sentence has the gall to use not only ellipses but ends in a question mark.

Really?



I couldn’t have written a worse ending for a book if I tried. Save yourself the trouble and skip to the end so you can roll your eyes and give up before you suffer through the other 300 pages.

Needless to say, I rated "Nineteen" 1.5 out of 5 stars. Somehow, this reminded me of The Perks of Being a Wallflower at times...but I highly suggest reading that instead.

[Lawrence Switzer · Rating 5 out of 5]

There’s something exciting—and hard to describe—in the pages of this book. The main character, Cameron Metzger (beginning at age 16 and progressing into his 20s), not only came vibrantly alive in my mind as a palpable, believable person, his thoughts and personality felt as if they co-existed inside me independently. This phenomenon continued straight to the final pages as Cameron struggled to cope with the “trials and tribulations” of growing up straight and smart and sincere in a dog-eat-dog world. I lived some of this life and I will attest to the veracity of emotion to be found on Nineteen’s pages. Being a teenager is tough on all of us—and we all have to go over many hills and valleys before we can talk about it sensibly—but it’s never been tougher than it is now to go through it. Young people used to suffer from coping with not being able to get what their hormones were screaming for. Now the problems come from the process of actually achieving physical satisfaction and the consequences that follow it. When young men didn’t get this satisfaction they just didn’t get it, but now young men are faced with the problems that come when they’re the thing that got “got.” Carmack understands this, and she understands it from inside a young, male mind. How? I have no idea, but she does. So, if you think that a woman can’t write from inside a boy’s mind, here’s where you can prove yourself wrong. Just be aware going in—she can see things most male authors wouldn’t. Some things here, therefore, might be a revelation to a male reader. A male reader might be forced into a revisionist stance on his own past or present life.

There’s no need to go into plot points when there’s a perfectly adequate book description of Nineteen available, and other reviews around various sites that make those points. This is a hard book to discuss without spoilers, and if you come across one, it won’t have leaked from my pen. It’s enough for me to praise the sincerity, integrity, and craftsmanship that went into this undertaking. I give the writer, who is giving us her first novel, a lot of credit. The settings are perfectly visual, and the characterizations of the supporting players go beyond spot-on. Everything here is strikingly believable and deeply convincing. Carmack wisely tells a story where there are no real villains, just flawed families, and less than romantic romances. It was much more interesting because of that. So, take a chance on this book. You have nothing to lose and a lot to remember. Unless you are less than 16 to 19, in which case, this is a tarot reading of your possible future.

[BreeAnn (She Just Loves Books) · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I Loved: Nineteen is a book so stuffed with emotions, you cannot help but be completely sucked in. Arly Carmack writes with such real love, sorrow, and passion, I felt everything the main character, Cameron was feeling. The story was written so vividly and Cameron’s experiences were so authentic, it just connected with me. I expect that it will connect with many other readers as well.

How I Felt: This book slightly wrecked me, to be honest. Cameron’s life is full of so much disappointment, and yet, HE is such a bright, shining light that I couldn’t stop reading. I cannot praise enough Arly Carmack’s ability to create this character that I fell in love with. I wanted to hug and support him, but I was also in awe of his strength and determination.

I discovered there would be a sequel to this book about halfway through completing it. I’m glad I knew, so I wanted to make sure that you were also aware. The story does not tie up loose ends, and I was a bit disappointed in, what I felt was a bit of an abrupt turn of events into the ending. I felt it was a bit rushed, and I actually went back and re-read it just to see if I could slow it down at all. I’ve considered the ending over the last few days, and I have decided that while, I wanted more, I’m not letting the ending affect my rating of this book. Nineteen is beautifully written with fabulous character development and while the ending felt hurried, I would not have been as upset if I had already had book two in my hands.

Content Warnings: Scenes and references to abortion and sex.

To Read or Not To Read: I have categorized this book as YA, but also general fiction, because I believe that it applies to all readers. If you enjoy stories of people growing up and growing into themselves, this is a great book for you.

What’s This Book About Anyway?
Cameron is nineteen. He doesn’t fit in with his family and doesn’t really have friends. His parents are disappointed in him for not choosing to go to college. The book takes us through his life at nineteen, but it also flashes back to his earlier years. These flash backs give us insight into the experiences that have shaped who he is today; the secrets he kept and the emotions he buried. As his parents decide that it is time for him to move out, he must strike out on his own, making a way for himself in life.

I was provided an advanced readers copy of this book for free. I am leaving my review voluntarily.

All of my reviews can be found at: https://shejustlovesbooks.com/

[Jillian Yetter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read "Nineteen" in one sitting and wouldn't have it any other way. I just couldn't put it down because I was in love with the protagonist, Cameron, and everything he wanted to share with me. This book being told in a reflective style really impacts the perspective of the narrator. Hindsight is such a unique perspective when reflecting on love lost. Cameron is a young man who just lives for love and wants to make love the forefront of his life, regardless of what he has to do to find it. At nineteen, he is able to recognize the mistakes of his past. Were this a present-day explorations of these same events, this would have been an entirely different book. In this aspect, it was reminiscent of "The Great Gatsby". This story was the highlight reel reflection of all the events from his past, which he hand selected to share with the reader. The ripping out pages of his metaphorical diary and passing them to us to understand his complexity of his person. 


There is a gritty rawness to reflecting on your mistakes and knowing that you will potentially make them over and over again. Throughout Cameron's whole story, he never really got to tell HIS story. It was more about everyone else and what they wanted, and, as a whole, that shaped who he grew to be. I loved this character and I cared about him deeply. He sealed his fate in the preface, but I ignored it through the whole book. I wanted the world for him because he deserved the world. I think this book is really important, but I can't really find the words to explain why. It just is and it is for that reason that this story is so special.

Arly Carmack captured such an alarming rawness to Cameron. It was beautiful and cringe-worthy at the same time because the emotions were just too real and too exposed, but I welcomed it all the same. I highly recommend this book!

[Esther Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't the type of book I normally read. But something convinced me to give it a try, and I'm glad I did. I enjoyed it a lot - reading the whole thing in only 2 days!

Although there were aspects of the story I struggled with (the first person POV, the almost stream of consciousness-like narration, the time jumps between past and present, the short chapters, and dialogue that seemed stilted at times), the story itself was so compelling that once I got past the first chunk of exposition, I found myself unable to stop reading as I was drawn into the world that Arly Carmack painted vividly around Cameron, the protagonist.

There were a few big secrets I figured out early on, but the reveal of them was achingly good, and I got a bit teary eyed when reading how everything was handled.

I appreciated the fact that the novel - while mature - was not graphically explicit, and dealt with sensitive subjects in a thoughtful and tender way.

The characters all felt very real and down to earth, like I could have known them when I was back in highschool, which made the story quite relatable. Cameron's personal growth and character arc was very well done, and it was satisfying to see the other characters also evolving alongside him. The novel is titled "Nineteen" but very easily could have been called "Metamorphosis."

Overall, a rather poignant story that will linger on my mind for quite sometime, especially given the ending!!! I'm rather relieved to find out there is a sequel in the works - I look eagerly forward to reading that one as well!

4.5 stars.

[Blue Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

You need to pick this debut to embark the journey that lies ahead. Kudos to Carmack for writing this
An emotional read that will stay with you long after you have finished it, and I mean it, it will affect you.
If i simply has to use a word to describe this utterly strong book I would choose the word "beautiful" because it simply is.
Emotional and gritty along with sober writing style, the themes and the book itself is realistic and embodies realism and life.
First person narration puts you in deep connection with the character as well as the story giving you more inner view.
I would give this book 5 stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟(wish I could give more) and definitely recommend to all the readers out there especially to mature teens.
I have read many coming of age books and along with Steph's perks this will stay close to my heart forever

[Lola Kaye · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard a rumor that there will be a second book in this series. If that is the case I give it 5 stars all the way, if not at least add an epilogue, you can't just leave me hanging that. Regardless, I really loved this book. It gives a unique perspective that we don't always hear about how the consequences of youth effect what kind of an adult you will become. Cameron definitely gave me some Holden Caulfield vibes, he believes in truth, love and people being allowing to be themselves. I think this is a great book for adults and older young adults still trying to navigate that space between childhood and adulthood.
Thank you Netgalley for advanced reader copy. All opinions are my own.

[B.B. Florine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A bittersweet coming of age story. Very well written. It took me a little while to get attached to Cameron, the protagonist in this story, and I don’t always enjoy a first person POV, but I’m glad that I picked up this book and stuck with it. Once the story got rolling, I couldn’t put it down. There were many sad and poignant moments that pulled at my heartstrings as I watched Cameron wade through his journey of self discovery. Carmack took on a lot of hard subjects we don’t often see from the male perspective and I truly appreciate the beautiful way she did it. I was rooting for Cameron the whole time, right up to the shocking, cliffhanger ending.

[R.J. Rome · Rating 5 out of 5]

Almost the whole book is sad events that read like a diary. The main character Cameron is so loveable though that you have to just keep reading. So many times I wanted to smack the supporting characters for the way they treat Cameron. He’s a complex character, always giving people the benefit of the doubt. He knows he’s different than his siblings, his parents see him as a failure and love has never gone his way. The book ends on a major cliffhanger. I’m rooting for Cameron so of course I’ll be reading the second book!

[Moony (Captain Mischief) MeowPoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly, at first the writing kind of bothered me and i did not like all the jumping back and forth in chapters. But when i got used to it. I really liked it. Cameron was thoughtful, interesting, emotional, caring and sweet. The story was so emotional and heartbreaking and i really REALLY disliked the ending. I wanted more, i did NOT want it to end that way.

I got this eARC from Netgalley

[Alexandra Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was good to see the life though a teen.win all the mistakes but one thing why did it and where it did

[Mary Tippett · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know that time of life when you are post-high-school, pre-figuring-life-out and basically feeling clueless and lost in your head most of the time? Author Arly Carmack nails that time of life in her book Nineteen, that follows Cameron's trajectory from growing up in a family he didn't quite fit into to breaking away from all of that, finding his purpose in life, and pursuing his own brand of love story.

The book is vaguely plot-less, which totally fits the 19-year-old lifestyle. But you won't care about plot, because from the very start we are right with Cameron and utterly unable to get off the Cameron train. There is a secret that keeps Cameron separate from his family that wraps up nicely for those of us who need that protagonist to find closure on something. And the ending will have you scratching your head -- in that, go to sleep, wake up thinking about it, read it again, see something new kind of way.

"And then, eventually, all the snow melts. It doesn't matter what the sun does. It doesn't matter about the shadow. Winter ends, and that last little patch of snow finally melts." Hang on, Cameron. Summer is coming.

[Jenny Hobson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Omg what did I just read?!! It can't end like that!
Ever read a book that was totally not what you expected it to be? Well for me this was it.
I was expecting some light fluffy coming of age book but nope that is not what I got.
This book is raw and emotional and alot of things I just can't put into words right now.
It follows Camerons life as he goes from 19 to 20. He recounts things that happened in his life that have shaped him to the man he has become. He has had to deal with a lot of hard stuff in his 19 years. He is a hopeless romantic who doesn't feel like he fits in not even at home.
This story had me on edge the whole time I never knew what to expect and where the story was going to go and I really liked that aspect of it. I can't believe the ending and I'm hoping there will be another book as there were a fair few loose ends that id love to see tied up. Although the story was a tad far fetched at times it was still really enjoyable and I'd definitely recommend it

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book in the fact that the book is solely narrated by a male main character, which is not something that I have not come across before. I liked how it went through the good and bad of him growing up and learning some life lessons. I absolutely hated the ending.

I received this book from NetGalley in return for an honest review.

[Raisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started off with main character Cameron, stumbling through his teenage years of trying to find himself. Sex with the wrong people, some mistakes that aren’t easy to forget, and his parents always on his back. As Cameron gets older and his parents kick him out, he realizes that you can find yourself through doing the things you love.
Honestly, I liked this book, but I felt like much of the beginning was focused on sex and Cameron’s desire to be loved. There were a few twists in the book that made it interesting, and the end frustrated me to no end. I was hoping for some kind of resolution or satisfying end, but instead I was left with a huge cliffhanger. I don’t think it’s open for a second book to follow Cameron, but I could be wrong! Overall, this was a good, easy read.

I would like to thank NetGalley for a free ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.