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The Minister's Wife: A Memoir of Faith, Doubt, Friendship, Loneliness, Forgiveness, and More
She never expected to be a minister’s wife. And the life she discovered was more challenging - and more beautiful - than she could have anticipated.
We all wrestle with tough questions about life and faith, and Karen Stiller has learned that answers don’t come any easier when you’re married to the minister. What does it mean to live faithfully in our complicated world? Is there a place here for me - the real me? What does everyone expect of me, and what if I fail? In The Minister’s Wife, Karen shines a light on the rhythms and tough realities of the spiritual life for each and every one of us. She explores how community helps us grow; the unexpected beauty of doubt; the messy pain of families and funerals; how church can hurt and heal; and the beauty of showing up when sometimes it is more appealing to go to a coffee shop on a Sunday morning (even when you’re the pastor’s wife).
Warm, witty, and achingly honest, The Minister’s Wife is a memoir in essays on choosing to belong, and an invitation to join a spiritual adventure.
We all wrestle with tough questions about life and faith, and Karen Stiller has learned that answers don’t come any easier when you’re married to the minister. What does it mean to live faithfully in our complicated world? Is there a place here for me - the real me? What does everyone expect of me, and what if I fail? In The Minister’s Wife, Karen shines a light on the rhythms and tough realities of the spiritual life for each and every one of us. She explores how community helps us grow; the unexpected beauty of doubt; the messy pain of families and funerals; how church can hurt and heal; and the beauty of showing up when sometimes it is more appealing to go to a coffee shop on a Sunday morning (even when you’re the pastor’s wife).
Warm, witty, and achingly honest, The Minister’s Wife is a memoir in essays on choosing to belong, and an invitation to join a spiritual adventure.
256 pages, Paperback
First published May 5, 2020
17 people are currently reading
161 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
May 18, 2020
Books that manifest beauty and truth draw me in, magnetically, like a heap of iron filings. I feel it almost physically as my heart is pulled into the pages and I nod in agreement with words and sentences that have me chuckling in delight, or pausing in wonder. The writing that comprises The Minister’s Wife holds this kind of power.
Don’t be fooled by the title: this book will speak to you, whether you consider yourself a person of faith or not, whether your life revolves around the church or not. Because as Karen Stiller weaves stories of her life and experiences as the wife of an Anglican priest what she’s really doing is reflecting on what it means to be human. If you’ve ever wondered about God, experienced loneliness, exulted in friendship or family, strived to be better, felt sorrow or shame, embarrassment or joy, then The Minister’s Wife will speak to you.
I am fortunate to call Karen Stiller my friend. But my love and admiration for her have only grown through reading this wonderful book. I’m now on my third time through and I’ve bought multiple copies to give to friends and loved ones, because it’s the kind of book that not only makes you feel better while you’re reading it, it makes you want to live better long after you’ve put it down.
Don’t be fooled by the title: this book will speak to you, whether you consider yourself a person of faith or not, whether your life revolves around the church or not. Because as Karen Stiller weaves stories of her life and experiences as the wife of an Anglican priest what she’s really doing is reflecting on what it means to be human. If you’ve ever wondered about God, experienced loneliness, exulted in friendship or family, strived to be better, felt sorrow or shame, embarrassment or joy, then The Minister’s Wife will speak to you.
I am fortunate to call Karen Stiller my friend. But my love and admiration for her have only grown through reading this wonderful book. I’m now on my third time through and I’ve bought multiple copies to give to friends and loved ones, because it’s the kind of book that not only makes you feel better while you’re reading it, it makes you want to live better long after you’ve put it down.
April 19, 2020
I can only describe this as a love letter to the church and all the people in it Karen Stiller has encountered along the way. Within these pages, the author delivers an invitation to find yourself within the beautiful and cracked, real and dear church we all call home. I laughed and cried, and finished finding myself more hopeful than ever about the future of the church and the invitation to come and abide just as I am, a redeemed image bearer, deep and truly loved.
May 17, 2020
You could argue that I’m not the most qualified person to review a book called The Minister’s Wife: A Memoir of Faith, Doubt, Friendship, Loneliness, Forgiveness, and More by Karen Stiller, but I happen to know one minister’s wife very well. So maybe I’ll take a shot.
Here are three reasons why I think you should read this book, regardless of whether you’re a pastor’s wife or not.
The Honesty
If you’re a pastor or a pastor’s wife, you’ll recognize yourself in this story. You’ll be amazed that Stiller has thought the same things as you and admitted them in writing. You will get a glimpse behind what you see when everyone’s wearing their Sunday best. You’ll see the real family, with its beauty, struggles, doubts, and questions.
I love people who drop their guard. Rather than thinking less of them, I think, “You too?” I did that over and over again while reading this book. I’d laugh. I’d remember going through similar experiences with my wife in ministry. And then I would give thanks that someone else was brave enough to share their experience honestly, and point to the pain and the beauty of serving in ministry together.
The Writing
Stiller can write like nobody’s business. Some books are businesslike, every word serving its utilitarian purpose. Some books are art: not the fussy kind, but the kind that drips with beauty without seeming to try too hard. The Minister’s Wife is the second kind of book.
Stiller succeeds in showing us what her life is like. We get in her head. We see the moments of struggle and the ordinary moments that don’t seem like much. Somehow she manages to transform all of this into a beautiful piece of writing that sometimes made me pause in wonder and gratitude. A life like hers — filled with ordinary, frustrating, and painful moments — is filled with more beauty and wonder than we realize.
The Insight
Perhaps the book is so beautiful not only because of the writing, but also because of the meaning found within its pages.
“I am just following you around,” Stiller said out loud to her husband one day. I imagine it’s hard not to feel that way. “I sometimes had this feeling of following and never leading, of lagging behind and not standing beside.”
You read passages like that, or of unkind words spoken, and you see the cost exacted from those who serve. But then Stiller brings us back to surrender. “I trust you,” she would say to God. “And if I trusted God, it helped me trust Brent and our decision making, and that there would be something in that move for me as well.”
She also points us to the beauty of the church — not the idea of church, but of the churches we know, full sometimes of people who are hard to love. “Church, with all its imperfections, is faith’s incubator. Church is faith’s hospital and its picnic grounds, its sheltering tree and also the rich soil from which it grows. Church embraces faith and holds it tenderly with strong arms. It embraces me. And so I love the church, even when it expects more of me than I think it should.”
I’m not a minister’s wife, but I hope that those who are will pick up this book and find a friend in its pages. I hope pastors will read it too and enjoy it as much as I did. And others too: others who want to learn to love their pastor’s family more, and marvel at the beauty of how God uses people like us. I think you’ll like it. It will make you laugh, and you will find something meaningful in its pages. More like this please.
Here are three reasons why I think you should read this book, regardless of whether you’re a pastor’s wife or not.
The Honesty
If you’re a pastor or a pastor’s wife, you’ll recognize yourself in this story. You’ll be amazed that Stiller has thought the same things as you and admitted them in writing. You will get a glimpse behind what you see when everyone’s wearing their Sunday best. You’ll see the real family, with its beauty, struggles, doubts, and questions.
I love people who drop their guard. Rather than thinking less of them, I think, “You too?” I did that over and over again while reading this book. I’d laugh. I’d remember going through similar experiences with my wife in ministry. And then I would give thanks that someone else was brave enough to share their experience honestly, and point to the pain and the beauty of serving in ministry together.
The Writing
Stiller can write like nobody’s business. Some books are businesslike, every word serving its utilitarian purpose. Some books are art: not the fussy kind, but the kind that drips with beauty without seeming to try too hard. The Minister’s Wife is the second kind of book.
Stiller succeeds in showing us what her life is like. We get in her head. We see the moments of struggle and the ordinary moments that don’t seem like much. Somehow she manages to transform all of this into a beautiful piece of writing that sometimes made me pause in wonder and gratitude. A life like hers — filled with ordinary, frustrating, and painful moments — is filled with more beauty and wonder than we realize.
The Insight
Perhaps the book is so beautiful not only because of the writing, but also because of the meaning found within its pages.
“I am just following you around,” Stiller said out loud to her husband one day. I imagine it’s hard not to feel that way. “I sometimes had this feeling of following and never leading, of lagging behind and not standing beside.”
You read passages like that, or of unkind words spoken, and you see the cost exacted from those who serve. But then Stiller brings us back to surrender. “I trust you,” she would say to God. “And if I trusted God, it helped me trust Brent and our decision making, and that there would be something in that move for me as well.”
She also points us to the beauty of the church — not the idea of church, but of the churches we know, full sometimes of people who are hard to love. “Church, with all its imperfections, is faith’s incubator. Church is faith’s hospital and its picnic grounds, its sheltering tree and also the rich soil from which it grows. Church embraces faith and holds it tenderly with strong arms. It embraces me. And so I love the church, even when it expects more of me than I think it should.”
I’m not a minister’s wife, but I hope that those who are will pick up this book and find a friend in its pages. I hope pastors will read it too and enjoy it as much as I did. And others too: others who want to learn to love their pastor’s family more, and marvel at the beauty of how God uses people like us. I think you’ll like it. It will make you laugh, and you will find something meaningful in its pages. More like this please.
December 20, 2024
The Minister's Wife is a graceful read. Karen Stiller welcomes readers in and shows them what the life of a minister's wife is truly like: the good, the bad, and the beautiful. She is neither naively optimistic nor cynically jaded. Instead, she views her calling through the lens of God's grace.
Karen's writing is graceful and lilting, with a flair for the poetic. She is gentle and gracious in her presentation of the church, even though she has seen a side few others witness. And while I couldn't relate to the particulars of her faith tradition since I'm not familiar with the Anglican denomination, the heart of her faith remains the same.
Probably my favorite part of the book was Karen's gentle and steady reminder that pastors and their wives are just regular people too. They're not so different from everyone else as we might want to make them out to be, and that's an encouragement we all need to take to heart.
Karen's writing is graceful and lilting, with a flair for the poetic. She is gentle and gracious in her presentation of the church, even though she has seen a side few others witness. And while I couldn't relate to the particulars of her faith tradition since I'm not familiar with the Anglican denomination, the heart of her faith remains the same.
Probably my favorite part of the book was Karen's gentle and steady reminder that pastors and their wives are just regular people too. They're not so different from everyone else as we might want to make them out to be, and that's an encouragement we all need to take to heart.
April 30, 2020
As a clergy spouse of over forty years, I have read a lot of books for the wives of pastors. Some, like Gail MacDonald's HIGH CALL, HIGH PRIVILEGE, are classics while others seem to speak only to particular circumstances or life seasons. I skim them quickly and, sadly, forget them. When I read The Minister's Wife, I felt I had found not only a kindred spirit in the author but also a book I can gift to any woman currently serving in pastoral ministry with her husband. While this is a memoir, it's not a chronological tour of this particular author's life but rather a beautifully articulated reflection of topics universal to the experience of clergy wives: friendship, loneliness, the challenges of moving, parenting kids in a pastoral family, maintaining a strong marriage and much more. I want to read this book aloud to every pastor's wife I know! Highly recommended.
June 29, 2020
The Minister's Wife is a memoir by Karen Stiller that I enjoyed immensely. Stiller details on her own upbringing and how even though she grew up attending church. religion was not something that was the center of her family's life. Upon meeting her soon to be husband, Brent, in college and him telling her that he didn't love her back and never will (Shocking detail!! My mouth was wide open) she goes on and seeks advice from her parent's minister who tells her that he still may be the man God has picked for her. She then goes off and reflects on her own faith and decides that maybe she hasn't fully allowed God in her life and that maybe she had just accepted it half-hearted because of the cute guy she met. Right then and there she makes the decision to let go and let God change her life.
Since the book revolves around her being a Minister's wife of course she eventually did end up marrying Brent who becomes a minister. I love that she does not sugarcoat that she has had doubt, loneliness, hurt, and heartbreak along the way in her faith. That everday is not a good day and she is constantly learning and evolving through this journey.
Even if you are not a religious person the stories of friendship, finding your own voice in the midst of your spouses, family dynamics, and navigating everyday life will resonate with you!
Thank you to Netgalley and Tyndale House Publishers for an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest review.
Since the book revolves around her being a Minister's wife of course she eventually did end up marrying Brent who becomes a minister. I love that she does not sugarcoat that she has had doubt, loneliness, hurt, and heartbreak along the way in her faith. That everday is not a good day and she is constantly learning and evolving through this journey.
Even if you are not a religious person the stories of friendship, finding your own voice in the midst of your spouses, family dynamics, and navigating everyday life will resonate with you!
Thank you to Netgalley and Tyndale House Publishers for an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest review.
May 18, 2020
Couldn't put it down. Karen Stiller's humour has carried her through some tremendous times. Lots of tears and laugh-out-loud moments as I followed her journey of heartache, loneliness, gratitude and love. Her unique humour unearths her beautiful heart. "Hard Work and Heart Work". A generous and brave piece of writing.
March 9, 2025
I loved this book. This is the book I’ve been wanting to read as a Minister’s wife. I found Karen to be a friend in the pages and a woman with wisdom. This book did not seem preachy but instead like coffee with a friend who has been there before. “Church hurts, church heals”. I think this book would be good to read even for lay women to see how we can support pastors and their families. I can’t wait to share this book with friends.
July 30, 2020
A fresh, appealing take on a genre sometimes too full of the expectations of yesteryear. Stiller does an admirable job of taking a lifestyle fraught with preconceived notions and telling a story that will resonate with anyone who struggles, in any career, with the natural tug of war between outward appearance and inner reality. I really enjoyed this read.
February 25, 2021
Very enjoyable and written from the heart. The author reveals challenges and victories of her family as they live out their calling. Well done Karen.
July 10, 2020
This book is charming, funny, reflective and revealing. Page by page, Karen Stiller leads us through her life as the spouse of a minister. It’s a job in and of itself, even though it’s one often done behind the scenes until, sometimes painfully, a well-meaning (or not) parishioner, shines a blinding light on what ought, really, to be revealed by the minister’s wife herself, should she choose.
Karen Stiller does choose to reveal. She tells funny, painful, ironic and poignantly true stories about herself in the context of parsonage and parish. Minister’s families cannot help but live their lives intertwined with a whole community of people – some easily loved and some not. I read this book over a weekend, curled up on my couch. It was like listening to a friend tell me about triumphs and tragedies of her particular and intriguing life. Some stories were purely entertaining, some were sad and others provided a window into humanity I’d never considered before.
Karen Stiller does choose to reveal. She tells funny, painful, ironic and poignantly true stories about herself in the context of parsonage and parish. Minister’s families cannot help but live their lives intertwined with a whole community of people – some easily loved and some not. I read this book over a weekend, curled up on my couch. It was like listening to a friend tell me about triumphs and tragedies of her particular and intriguing life. Some stories were purely entertaining, some were sad and others provided a window into humanity I’d never considered before.
August 10, 2020
Beautifully written and such an interesting read!
Helpful for all of us friends of minister/pastor wives. I'm sending my copy to my former pastor's wife--who was my prayer partner for 18 years.
Helpful for all of us friends of minister/pastor wives. I'm sending my copy to my former pastor's wife--who was my prayer partner for 18 years.
June 28, 2020
The Minister’s Wife, A Memoir of Faith, Doubt, Friendship, Forgiveness and More written by Karen Stiller. This book is a compilation of personal essays written with delicacy and precision. I read the book in two days. The chapters are filled with rythm, emotion, imagery, and phrases that will make you fall deeper in love with the power of language. There are twists and turns, with layers of delight, even as Karen writes about death, pain, disappointment, joy, friendship, and envy. Stiller does not hold back when it comes to the challenges of being the minister’s wife. Whether you attend church or not, the craft of good storytelling is worth the read.
May 23, 2020
I was carried along in my reading by the beautiful writing and thoughtfully shared stories and thoroughly enjoyed it. Most notably, after I put the book down, there were parts of it that stayed with me.
June 16, 2020
Loved this book! Karen is honest and open and funny. As a pastor's wife myself, I could relate to almost every story. Highly recommend it, and not just for pastor's wives!
January 14, 2021
I'm not a minister's wife, but I found it a comforting one to read. I enjoyed it from cover to cover.
January 5, 2021
As a married man who hopes to go into vocational ministry, I have a vested interest in learning about the experience of not only pastors, but their families as well. There is no shortage of books on pastoral ministry & the life of the pastor (I’m taking a class right now on the classics of pastoral theology). While I am grateful for the plethora of resources out there for pastors, I would also love to see more books written directed toward pastor’s wives and families.
I am grateful I read this book. For my entire Christian life, I’ve been exposed to really one vision of pastoral ministry. The church I became a Christian in is a broadly Evangelical church-plant with relatively informal worship that has had one lead pastor for the eight years of its existence with very little turnover in staff. Karen Stiller’s husband Brent is a Priest in the Anglican church. I learned so much about the reverence and awe involved in that beautiful tradition from the way she described her husband’s role.
Karen took me through their story of living in a rectory until they could afford to buy a house (the ability to paint the cabinets any color you want is priceless). I learned about the expectation that many people in ministry have of moving repeatedly. I thought it was particularly meaningful that she devoted one of the chapters in the book to envy. Envy in ministry is very common but so rarely talked about, I’m grateful that she shared her experience (and the experience of the pastor’s wife she knew who owned a boat but pretended not to).
“The Minister’s Wife” is a memoir of faith, doubt, friendship, loneliness, forgiveness and more. She is a gifted storyteller, and it is evident that in each of her stories she is not the hero, Jesus is.
This book was graciously given to me by @karen.stiller & @tyndalehouse
I am grateful I read this book. For my entire Christian life, I’ve been exposed to really one vision of pastoral ministry. The church I became a Christian in is a broadly Evangelical church-plant with relatively informal worship that has had one lead pastor for the eight years of its existence with very little turnover in staff. Karen Stiller’s husband Brent is a Priest in the Anglican church. I learned so much about the reverence and awe involved in that beautiful tradition from the way she described her husband’s role.
Karen took me through their story of living in a rectory until they could afford to buy a house (the ability to paint the cabinets any color you want is priceless). I learned about the expectation that many people in ministry have of moving repeatedly. I thought it was particularly meaningful that she devoted one of the chapters in the book to envy. Envy in ministry is very common but so rarely talked about, I’m grateful that she shared her experience (and the experience of the pastor’s wife she knew who owned a boat but pretended not to).
“The Minister’s Wife” is a memoir of faith, doubt, friendship, loneliness, forgiveness and more. She is a gifted storyteller, and it is evident that in each of her stories she is not the hero, Jesus is.
This book was graciously given to me by @karen.stiller & @tyndalehouse
January 16, 2021
This year what I asked for Christmas was a copy of The. Minister’s Wife by Karen Stiller. I attended her book launch that was online because of Covid and really wanted to be able to read the book.
I have the experience of not only being the wife of a minister for a congregation, but also being a co-pastor with my husband and then in retirement being a solo minister for four years with a husband working in a Christian non-profit at the time and being involved in the congregation that I was pastoring.
I loved this book and could relate to so many things. I found the first eight chapters an enjoyable reading experience. Although pleasant, it did not evoke any particular emotions from me.
When I hit Karen’s chapter on prayer everything changed. As I read that chapter, I could feel what she was feeling and identify with her in the challenges of the situation. I deeply sensed her pain as she and her husband ministered to a grieving family. At first, I wondered if it was just that chapter that impacted me because prayer is such an important part of my own life.
As I continued through the rest of the book I gained a deeper understand and appreciation for Karen and the lens through which she was focusing for me. Many other incidents that she shared touched me deeply and brought tears to my eyes as I could identify well with her experiences.
As I finished the book, I closed my eyes and thanked the Lord for the ordinary and yet outstanding woman of God I met in this story and for her transparency. I can see why it would be so helpful to have someone like her to lead sessions for clergy wives in which they could share their unique challenges. However, I believe that discussion about her insights would be helpful to those in the pews as well and to ministers themselves.
Karen Stiller has made a huge contribution to the church by her storytelling and many will be encouraged as they discover her unique perspective and find so much common ground. May the Lord continue to bless us each as we grow in our understanding and appreciation of one another..
March 8, 2021
Inspiring and Moving
The book, The Minister’s Wife is about Karen Stiller's adventurous life as the wife of a minister. This adventure starts in Canada and it also brings her overseas. There are so many fascinating nuggets about this book.
I appreciate Karen’s openness, honesty and vulnerability while sharing her spiritual journey. This is so refreshing.
I found the minister’s wife perspective of living in a fish bowl interesting. The church community continually observes both her words and her actions.
During an overseas writing assignment, I liked that Karen respected the residents’ privacy in their humble homesteads.
It was also fun to discover how Karen created a circle of friends that she could trust and needed.
There is an amazing accident story where God has placed Karen at the right place and at the right time. This story also has a very moving follow up visit. What happened?
One Christmas, Karen was overwhelmed by the production of a full scale Christmas dinner. By divine design, the community pooled their resources and their efforts for a community Christmas dinner. Many hands make the task easier and Karen was relieved of this huge undertaking. I appreciate the value of teamwork.
My favourite part in the book is Karen’s comment on the positive impact her husband has in her life. What does she say?
I would highly recommend reading and gifting someone with this inspiring and moving book, The Minister’s Wife.
I have discovered this book through the Ottawa Christian Writers’ Fellowship, a local chapter of The Word Guild Canada.
The book, The Minister’s Wife is about Karen Stiller's adventurous life as the wife of a minister. This adventure starts in Canada and it also brings her overseas. There are so many fascinating nuggets about this book.
I appreciate Karen’s openness, honesty and vulnerability while sharing her spiritual journey. This is so refreshing.
I found the minister’s wife perspective of living in a fish bowl interesting. The church community continually observes both her words and her actions.
During an overseas writing assignment, I liked that Karen respected the residents’ privacy in their humble homesteads.
It was also fun to discover how Karen created a circle of friends that she could trust and needed.
There is an amazing accident story where God has placed Karen at the right place and at the right time. This story also has a very moving follow up visit. What happened?
One Christmas, Karen was overwhelmed by the production of a full scale Christmas dinner. By divine design, the community pooled their resources and their efforts for a community Christmas dinner. Many hands make the task easier and Karen was relieved of this huge undertaking. I appreciate the value of teamwork.
My favourite part in the book is Karen’s comment on the positive impact her husband has in her life. What does she say?
I would highly recommend reading and gifting someone with this inspiring and moving book, The Minister’s Wife.
I have discovered this book through the Ottawa Christian Writers’ Fellowship, a local chapter of The Word Guild Canada.
November 22, 2020
I've sort-of known Karen for years because we're both writers (I wrote a story or two for her, too) but, after reading The Minister's Wife, I feel like she's become a dear friend. That's how generously, honestly, and humbly she shares her story in this wonderful book. As a pastor's daughter, I could relate to many of her descriptions of life in a clergyman's household, even though many of our circumstances have been different (e.g. I grew up Baptist, and my parents never moved after I was born).
Anyway, enough about me! Karen has beautifully woven memoir with spiritual insights. There's nothing Bible study-ish or devotional-ish about this book (I can't remember if she even quoted a Bible verse), and yet her personal stories highlight how God works in our lives when we trust Him, even with difficulty, or obey Him, even with doubt.
This book would make a great gift for any minister's wife in your life... but it's also an excellent read for ANYONE who is trying to make sense of life and wondering if God can do something with his or her messiness. (Spoiler: Yes, He can!)
I'm now awaiting Karen's next book. ;)
Anyway, enough about me! Karen has beautifully woven memoir with spiritual insights. There's nothing Bible study-ish or devotional-ish about this book (I can't remember if she even quoted a Bible verse), and yet her personal stories highlight how God works in our lives when we trust Him, even with difficulty, or obey Him, even with doubt.
This book would make a great gift for any minister's wife in your life... but it's also an excellent read for ANYONE who is trying to make sense of life and wondering if God can do something with his or her messiness. (Spoiler: Yes, He can!)
I'm now awaiting Karen's next book. ;)
August 22, 2020
The Minister’s Wife, by Karen Stiller -review
Beautiful prose by a skilled writer. Stiller recounts with humility, honesty, and humour her life and faith journey as a minister’s wife in this memoir. There were times I wanted to hug her for her bravery when few friends were in sight, and others when her words inspired me to write from her poetic lines “there was the slow and awful emptying of a house we had tried hard to make our home; it turned out to be just walls and a roof after all.”
This is a book for minister’s wives and for anyone whose life bumps up against one. And one that I think women clergy will appreciate as well.
-Carolyn R. Wilker, author and editor at FineTune Editing
January 3, 2021
This memoir is true to life, although I might not have been quite as generous in my telling of my life as a pastor’s wife. It’s a mostly good life with some perks that I have much appreciated. Such as him being available to attend kid events after school or even during school. And the wonderful Christmas gifts from parishioners and all their appreciative comments throughout the year.
Yet, there have been plenty of times that the church seemed like a mistress of sorts, and who am I to compete with “God as mistress.” Even after 30-plus years, I can find myself chafing at the commitment.
Then someone will call because of a crisis and he puts on his pastor-bedside manner and I remember why we do this.
Just like Karen Stiller.
We are all human, after all, trying imperfectly to follow a perfect God.
Yet, there have been plenty of times that the church seemed like a mistress of sorts, and who am I to compete with “God as mistress.” Even after 30-plus years, I can find myself chafing at the commitment.
Then someone will call because of a crisis and he puts on his pastor-bedside manner and I remember why we do this.
Just like Karen Stiller.
We are all human, after all, trying imperfectly to follow a perfect God.
March 15, 2021
Karen Stiller has written a lovely and inspiring personal memoir about her life deeply immersed in faith communities, in part, because her husband is a minister for the Anglican church. Karen's prose is accessible and down-to-earth, sometimes very funny, and sometimes poetic and soul stirring. As I have been actively participating in my own faith community my entire life, I found myself nodding along with her recollections of what it is like to serve and worship along side people, who are full of both faults and faith, just like ourselves. Thank you Karen!
May 21, 2020
I absolutely loved this book. Although I am not part of a spiritual community (or the wife of a Minister), the topics Stiller explored—doubt, envy, identity, etc.—resonated deeply. She invited me into her life with her vivid imagery, lyrical writing, and humour. Stiller is honest about her (sometimes) conflicted feelings as “the wife” but is able to explore these feelings with a rare combination of humility and confidence. Her book made me contemplate more about the meaning of love, family and friendship.
August 1, 2020
Let me begin this by saying you don't need to be a minister's wife to be helped by this book. If you are a Christian, man or woman, you will find nuggets that will bless you in its pages. As a Christian wife, but not minister's wife, I still found her stories true and I could identify with much of what she said, even if from the other side of the table. Perhaps I will be more understanding and have fewer expectations of my minister's wife? Although I think we have backed off on many of those demands, at least in bigger churches. I was impressed by Karen's honesty. That's what made this book so approachable. She is one of us, another struggling human, walking daily with Jesus yet failing each day in one way or another to "measure up." Her words encourage me and give me hope. Thank you Karen. I highly recommend this book.
May 17, 2020
Karen, I laughed and cried.(yes, I have Kleenex!😊)I loved your little anecdotes making this fun to read. When a novel shines brighter than the rest, it goes on my top shelf along with others that speak to me of truth and beauty. This is a gem to be cherished. I will cherish it. Once in a while I know I will pull it down to love your words spoken so full of grace.
November 15, 2020
I am the minister, not the wife, yet this book spoke to me with truth, understanding, and humour, about real (or perhaps unreal is a better word!) life in a ministry family.
March 9, 2021
There are too many good things in this book to try to convey them all in a short review. It is funny — including occasional gems that swiftly break you up into uncontrolled laughter — and it is real; Karen is one of my vulnerability superheroes. And she demonstrates the truth of what she learned, early on, about God’s love — “... a love that I could not damage or push away” — that even when you give God your worst, He does not strike you down, but lifts you up, and enables “the slow process of clearing (your) heart.”
September 3, 2020
A wonderful book, full of humor and insights and an honest look at what it's like to be a minister's wife. Some parts were just fun to read, but others were really inspiring.
September 15, 2020
You might think this book deals only with being married to a minister, but it deals with the parts of life for any Christian. Love the honesty of the author.
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