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The 5 Essential People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts

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Have you ever walked away from a conversation full of doubts and insecurities? Do you feel as if you've lost a little ground after every staff meeting? Most of us are either too passive or too aggressive in our business life, and we end up never getting the support, recognition, or respect that we desire.
The business leaders and trainers from Dale Carnegie Training® have discovered that applying appropriate assertiveness to all your interactions is the most effective approach to creating a successful career.
The 5 Essential People Skills will help you be the most positively assertive, prosperous and inspired professional you can be. You will learn to:
• Relate to the seven major personality types
• Live up to your fullest potential while achieving personal success
• Create a cutting-edge business environment that delivers innovation and results
• Use Carnegie's powerhouse Five-Part template for articulate communications that grow business
• Resolve any conflict or misunderstanding by applying a handful of proven principles
Once you know and can employ these powerful skills, you will be well on your way to a new level of professional and personal achievement. You will see a transformation once you put these five essential skills to work for you.

6 pages, Audio CD

First published January 1, 2004

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2190 people want to read

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Dale Carnegie Training

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
Profile Image for Cassidy Shea.
70 reviews1 follower
June 8, 2011
man, this books sucks. i picked it up at the library, wanting to read some material about assertiveness, and i was seriously disappointed.

this book is all over the place. it reads like some low-functioning stoner's thesis paper. it's disorganized. it's full of typos (page 78 has some bizarre underscore additions like_this). it has a huge lack of concrete examples to support its theories (which also makes it a really dull, textbook-ish read). and it's just plain bad writing. i wish i could remember what page this is on, but there's a sentence that goes something like, "Instead of antagonizing people, try complimenting them instead." instead instead INSTEAD. and it's full of sentences like this: "Each of these principles is essential to resolving conflict in a business setting, and now we'll look at them in detail." thanks for giving me the game plan, i'm not used to handling a new section of a book without a debriefing. i was a more savvy writer than the author by the time i was in 10th grade.

who IS the author, by the way?! it just says "Dale Carnegie Training" and on the copyright page simply "by Dale Carnegie & Associates." well, dale carnegie died in 1955 & this book was published in 2009 (and makes reference to obama lolz), so who REALLY wrote this shit? cause i want to send him hate mail.

i DO really love the way they just added the word "assertive" to some nouns to make this book pretend like it was about assertiveness. "assertive ambition." "assertive curiosity." indeed.

also, this book has an extreme corporate-business-world slant. this should REALLY be emphasized in the description/title/whatever because i got so bored reading about board room meetings and marketing departments. it also, beginning somewhere in the first few chapters, assumes that you, the reader, are a manager/supervisor. huh? i'm a 22-year-old recent college graduate who's trying to figure out how to stand up for herself and get employers to take her seriously. why is this book written for people who have an entire team of employees underneath them?

so, i suppose if you're a manager at a corporation who wants to learn how to inspire "assertive curiosity" into his team, you might find this book worthwhile. for everyone else, don't waste your time.
Profile Image for Sotiris Makrygiannis.
535 reviews47 followers
February 27, 2019
Not for my age group, this is for young people and explains assertiveness. Well is ok to remind me that assertiveness is not equal to aggressiveness but nevertheless this gives practical examples on how Mary that works for investment firm should handle old customers :)

capitalizes on the Dale Carnegie original work in order to promote their services , that's why this book was created, as a modern marketing material....with some good advices
Profile Image for Pancho Pickett.
57 reviews2 followers
March 13, 2018
This book is for anyone who has been living under a rock, who is from outer space, or who is under the age of 14. Dale Carnegie’s name should not be associated with this book. I made it through eight chapters, and I’ve had enough.
Profile Image for Brian Kramp.
258 reviews30 followers
July 18, 2018
This was not written by Dale Carnegie, but someone who sounded more like a salesman than a professional. It was cliché and generally boring, and clearly targeted at managers rather than individuals.

One piece of interesting advice was when dealing with an employee who lacks motivation. In a review conversation with them, they may expect criticism, but don’t do that. Instead say "I don’t see a fire lit under you? What do you think you’re missing in the job that would light it?"
Profile Image for Billy.
89 reviews1 follower
April 15, 2022
The information is very good, it's laid out clearly and easy to understand and digest. The delivery is a bit dry, almost like a technical manual so it's not as engaging as some. It's a good ones looking to develop their leadership skills. Many of the principles can be continuously improved on whether you're new to leadership or well into a leadership career.
Profile Image for AI91.
10 reviews
April 20, 2021
Possibly one of the worst books I've ever read. This book is full of typos and clearly a money grab. I got it for free from a colleague. Do not purchase. Read a different edition.
Profile Image for Sandra.
44 reviews2 followers
December 25, 2024
Labai sausa , ir daugiau skirta nebent didžiulėms įmonėms, korporacijoms. Apie sprendimus asmeniniame gyvenime čia praktiškai nieko neradau
Profile Image for Shriti Chatterjee.
263 reviews36 followers
July 31, 2022
Everyone knows the author from his famous work 'How to win friends and influence people'. This is another one of his popular works, albeit lesser known than the first one.

I can't shake the feeling that I may have picked this book up when I was younger, and internalised its core teaching of 'Assertiveness' then itself. In a truly introspective mood after the book was over, I rated myself highly on the 5 skills discussed i.e. Rapport building, Curiosity, Communication, Ambition, and Conflict resolution. Although I didn't find this book particularly useful at this juncture of my life, I would definitely recommend it for young teens or people looking to join the workforce soon.
Profile Image for Fahri Rasihan.
478 reviews123 followers
January 14, 2019
Setiap hal pasti memiliki ilmu untuk dipelajari, termasuk salah satunya adalah kemampuan untuk bersikap terhadap orang lain. Salah satu tokoh yang paling berpengaruh dalam bidang ini adalah Dale Carnegie. Carnegie tak diragukan lagi telah memberikan kontribusi yang besar terhadap gerakan potensi manusia. Melalui pengajaran dan karyanya yang telah membantu orang-orang di seluruh dunia untuk menjadi individu-individu yang percaya diri, menarik, dan berpengaruh. Dan lewat buku ini kita akan diberi tahu cara berhubungan antarmanusia dalam membangun relasi. Terdapat banyak sekali ilmu yang bisa kita pelajari lewat The 5 Essential People Skills.

Terdapat lima kemampuan potensi manusia yang dapat digunakan untuk menjadi pribadi yang tegas, mudah memahami orang lain, dan cakap menyelesaikan konflik. Kelima potensi tersebut dapat digunakan hanya jika kita bisa berperilaku secara asertif. Perilaku asertif adalah perilaku yang terdapat di antara perilaku agresif dan pasif. Jika perilaku agresif cenderung terkesan keras dan memaksa, sedangkan perilaku pasif lebih diam dan menerima, beda halnya dengan perilaku asertif. Perilaku asertif lebih menekankan pada kemampuan untuk menyampaikan keinginan kita terhadap orang lain secara jelas dan tegas. Perilaku asertif juga bisa melihat sudut pandang orang lain, sehingga bisa lebih bijak dalam bersikap. Selain itu perilaku asertif juga bisa menahan ego agar dapat lebih jernih dan adil dalam mengambil keputusan. Sikap asertif memberikan keadilan bagi masing-masing pihak dengan solusi menang-menang dalam menyelesaikan konflik.

Potensi manusia yang pertama adalah mengembangkan relasi dengan perilaku asertif. Agar bisa mengembangkan relasi, sikap asertif dan percaya diri mutlak diperlukan. Contohnya adalah lebih mampu melawan tekanan dan dominasi orang-orang agresif, memiliki kemampuan untuk membela keyakinan pribadi kita, serta mampu mengendalikan diri dalam situasi-situasi penting. Selain itu mengembangkan hubungan yang harmonis merupakan kunci dalam membangun relasi. Terdapat beberapa sikap yang bisa kita ambil untuk membangun hubungan yang harmonis, seperti tersenyum, mengutarakan pendapat dengan volume suara yang pas, lebih rinci dan jelas dalam menyampaikan gagasan, membudayakan sikap diam yang asertif, dan lain-lain. Semua sikap tersebut dapat membantu kita dalam membangun hububgan yang harmonis untuk mengembangkan relasi kita.

Kemudian potensi manusia yang kedua adalah rasa ingin tahu asertif. Rasa ingin tahu asertif adalah sebuah kerangka berpikir yang sangat unik dan agak rumit. Untuk memaksimalkan rasa ingin tahu asertif kita bisa melihat poin-poin berikut:
Poin 1: Menjadikan rasa ingin tahu asertif sebagai sebuah pengalaman emosional.
Poin 2: Melihat diri kita sendiri sebagai seorang murid dan pemasok.
Poin 3: Menyimak secara interaktif.
Poin 4: Bersikap interaktif tanpa tujuan tertentu.
Poin 5: Berbagi kisah pribadi kita dengan penuh gaya.
Poin 6: Humor
Poin 7: Mengetahui apa yang perlu dipelajari orang lain.
Poin 8: Memperkuat dengan dukungan kelembagaan.
Poin 9: Bimbingan oleh pejabat senior.
Poin 10: Menciptakan lingkungan yang menyenangkan.
Kesepuluh poin tersebut dapat membantu kita dalam mengembangkan rasa ingin tahu asertif terhadap lingkungan kerja dan bisnis.

Terdapat tiga potensi manusia lainnya yang dibahas dalam buku ini. Selain mengembangkan relasi dan rasa ingin tahu, masih ada komunikasi, ambisi, dan penyelesaian konflik yang dijabarkan lewat penjelasan yang ringan dan mudah dimengerti. Terdapat pula beberapa contoh kasus yang dapat membantu kita agar bisa lebih paham akan cara yang diberikan. Satu hal lagi yang membuat buku ini menarik adalah terdapat langkah-langkah tindakan yang bisa kita ambil dan praktikan untuk mengembangkan kelima potensi manusia yang kita miliki. Secara keseluruhan The 5 Essential People Skills merupakan buku pengembangan diri yang tidak hanya menuntun, tapi juga mengajak kita untuk mempraktikannya. Sebuah buku yang cocok untuk dibaca oleh siapa saja, khususnya bagi kalian yang berkecimpung di dunia kerja dan bisnis.
Profile Image for sadiq.
206 reviews
July 4, 2020
This book will probably still be useful in a 1000 years as it would have been if it was 1000 years before its time.
5 reviews
March 8, 2024
A lot of helpful tips and great explanations, however there was also some repetition and inconcise paragraphs.
Profile Image for Fahim Akhter.
49 reviews7 followers
March 30, 2018
I guess these classic self development books are sort of a guilty pleasure. The cheesy tunes before a chapter, the slow pacing of the book. The sound of the narrator who sounds like a person who has nothing behind those eyes. Sort of like the Tom Cruise of the books.

Having said those things, the principles taught by Dale Carnegie as cheesy and simple as they may seem hold true through all times. From leaders to sportsman everyone has learned something from the great man. The book is no exception. It's your little things that you know or heard at some point. Compiled in a short book.

One of the books that you just read for revision.
Profile Image for Elizabeta.
155 reviews42 followers
November 16, 2015
Might be useful for working in a corporate world. It was an ok book, but still not as great as "How to Win Friends and Influence People".
Profile Image for Abeeda.
4 reviews13 followers
March 10, 2018
Corporate slant. Basic information. Nothing really new here. Would recommend it as a starter for fresh grads entering the corporate world.
Profile Image for Carla Parreira .
2,037 reviews3 followers
Read
May 16, 2025
Melhores trechos: "...Recondicione a maneira como você reage a pessoas dominantes. Não ceda às exigências por medo de que alguém possa levantar a voz contra você ou ter uma explosão de raiva... Seja qual for, o tipo básico de personalidade é o mesmo. Pessoas desesperançadas, que simplesmente seguem com a maré. Descubra algo a dizer àquelas pessoas, algo que seja animador, que dê forças e que, em essência, traga esperança. Procure saber o que elas estão fazendo neste momento e encontre algo bom para dizer. Faça isso várias vezes. Você não precisa se entregar a esse reforço a cada hora, a cada dia, nem mesmo a cada semana, mas, pelo menos, três vezes durante o mês. Preste muita atenção nos resultados. Você descobrirá quanta diferença o incentivo faz. Não é uma questão de dizer: 'Eis o que quero que você faça e aqui está o que você vai ganhar se o fizer'. Em vez de dizer isso, premie imediatamente a menor ação positiva. Assim você induz a pessoa a comportar-se como você deseja, cria motivação e iniciativa... Ninguém, ou quase ninguém, permanece entusiasmado para sempre. Você precisa ter isso em mente, não apenas para o bem dos negócios, mas para o de seus próprios interesses também. A questão fundamental é: se você não os tratar bem, esses entusiasmados tão cheios de energia podem se afastar rapidamente. Podem deixar de ser extremamente úteis e eficientes e se transformar em pessoas praticamente inertes. De pessoas empolgantes e ingenuamente confiantes, podem passar a seres deprimidos, magoados e praticamente inativos. Tudo depende do quão bem você os entende e de como coloca esse entendimento em ação... O caminho certo para se desenvolver afinidade com agentes secretos é trazê-los para fora, criar confiança para que eles saiam de sua tão exacerbada discrição habitual. A melhor abordagem a adotar com um agente secreto é fazer o maior número possível de perguntas. Ao mesmo tempo, é preciso deixar claro que não há dissimulação, que suas intenções no uso das informações que espera receber são claras... O ultrarrealizador deseja, mais do que qualquer outra coisa, é o reconhecimento de seus talentos e de sua contribuição. Mais uma vez, esse desejo pode ter por origem alguma insegurança ou derivar do mais puro egoísmo. Se ele estiver fazendo uma contribuição real para a empresa, diga isso a ele. Sem dúvida, essa é a melhor maneira de desenvolver afinidade com esse tipo de pessoa dominada pelo próprio ego... Como você reage quando alguém afirma algo de que você discorda? Existem certos tópicos ou certas pes soas que você considera irritantes de cara? A verdade é que todos nós temos aquelas coisas que nos irritam sobremaneira – contudo, mais uma vez, um aspecto importante das habilidades interpessoais é estar no controle e aceitar a responsabilidade. Quando alguém diz algo que parece estar totalmente fora de propósito, existe a possibilidade de essa pessoa estar desinformada. Mas não é sua responsabilidade informar o mundo disso. Sua responsabilidade é responder com tranquilidade, calma e controle – resumindo em uma palavra, com habilidade... Não critique, não condene e não reclame. Ponto. Por que não? Bem, você gosta de ouvir críticas de outras pessoas? Ouvir alguém condenar outra pessoa faz com que você se afeiçoe àquela pessoa? Ouvir uma lista de reclamações de alguém o predispõe a ser influenciado positivamente por essa pessoa? Creio que as respostas a essas perguntas são autoexplicativas. Em vez de criticar ou reclamar, crie em si mesmo sentimentos de apreciação, gratidão e interesse genuíno pelos outros... Humor e curiosidade andam juntos, pois ambos dependem do prazer da surpresa e do inesperado. O humor não é apenas uma tática da pessoa assertivamente curiosa, é uma característica que lhe é natural. No sentido prático, porém, o humor cria o tipo de atmosfera descontraída que faz com que todos queiram ouvir e aprender... Não há problema em sonhar com o lugar aonde se quer chegar, mas você precisa saber se tem de ir para o sul ou para o norte... Se você acredita que uma coisa é possível, até mesmo em seus sonhos mais loucos, então trata-se de um objetivo pelo qual vale a pena lutar. A única qualificação necessária é que você acredite que é possível... Chame as pessoas pelo nome. Admita quando estiver errado. Tenha as pessoas em alta conta. Mostre interesse sincero. Faça elogios. Mantenha sua palavra. Mostre sua gratidão. Seja atencioso. Dê de si mesmo. Seja humilde. Proteja a honra dos outros... Naturalmente, a melhor maneira de pôr fim a um hábito ruim não é suprimi-lo, mas substituí-lo por um hábito bom... Ter uma mentalidade positiva significa ver o que é positivo na outra pessoa e na situação como um todo e maximizar esse elemento positivo..."
Profile Image for RA Cendani.
87 reviews5 followers
March 8, 2023
Menurutku ini bukunya berisi sekali. Ada banyak people skill yang menurutku harus kita pelajari khususnya cara menghadapi berbagai kepribadian manusia di lingkungan kerja. Sangat jelas dan mudah dipahami. Mulai dari bagaimana cara bersikap asertif untuk membantu kita dalam membangun hubungan harmonis kepada sesama sampai manajemen konflik. Terlebih lagi di setiap bab, selalu ada langkah-langkah latihan yang bisa kita terapkan.

Buku ini cocok sekali bagi kita yang sedang mencoba membangun relasi baik kepada sesama khususnya di lingkungan kerja.

Beberapa quotes yang aku suka:

Hari ini kehidupan, satu-satunya kehidupan yang pasti. Manfaatkan sebaik-baiknya. Sukai sesuatu. Kembangkan hobi. Biarkan angin antusiasme berhembus ke dalam diri anda -Hal,148.

Ketika marah terhadap orang lain, musuh, kita memberi mereka kekuatan untuk menguasai kita; kekuasaan atas tidur kita, selera makan kita, tekanan darah kita, kesehatan kita, dan kebahagiaan kita. Musuh-musuh kita akan menari kegirangan andai tahu betapa mereka telah membuat kita cemas, merobek-robek dan membalas kita!Kemarahan kita sama sekali tidak melukai mereka, tetapi malah membuat hari-hari kita sangat tidak menyenangkan -Hal, 230.
Profile Image for Richard Angelus.
180 reviews2 followers
April 20, 2021
I've read How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Leader In You and so this is a refreshing and reminding course for me. Naturally, I'm not a people person. It's not that I don't love people, but people can be troublesome. In the past, I have no problem using people and influence them for my benefit but intentionally want to help and develop people? That one requires continuous learning, practicing, and humility. This book - and others like John C. Maxwell’s Winning with People - have helped me a lot 😊 As I enter the workplace and serve in the ministry, people skill is even more important. Dale asserts, "No matter what your line of work, even if it's in one of the technical professions, your degree of success depends on your ability to interact effectively with other people."

To read my other book reviews, CLICK HERE: https://legasitv.blogspot.com/search/...
Profile Image for Julián Alvarez.
59 reviews
January 27, 2023
I'm deeply offended that Dale Carnegie's name is on this book. The only reason why I can tolerate this, its because it is actually a very, very poor re-writing of How To Win Friends and Influence People. More than half of this book is just the author, whoever it is, trying to "adapt" the legendary Dale Carnegie's book to our times. An completely unnecessary attempt, as the average reader will be able to adapt the original book to his current situation (actually, that's what makes Carnegie's book a true masterpiece).

Not to mention some ideas that I do not feel that concord with Carnegie's legacy at all. I can only remember of a couple of pages that managed to give me a meaningful message.

Don't waste your time with this. It would be much more valuable just to read again How To Win Friends and Influence People. That one is some piece of book. But this one... just no.
Profile Image for Fahasa.
269 reviews16 followers
November 13, 2019
From one of the most trusted and bestselling brands in business training and throughout the world, The 5 Essential People Skills shows how to deliver a message to others with power and clarity, how to build loyalty and inspire creativity by demonstrating assertiveness, and how to be assertive.

Put these five essential skills to work and begin your transformation!

Have you ever walked away from a conversation full of doubts and insecurities? Do you feel as if you’ve lost a little ground after every staff meeting? Most of us are either too passive or too aggressive in our business life, and we end up never getting the support, recognition, or respect we desire.
https://www.fahasa.com/
Profile Image for Budi Arsana.
35 reviews
November 4, 2023
I have read the book "How to make friends" by Dale Carniege.
This books didn't add additional values as the content pretty much feel similar like the other books by the same author.

After reading the first half of the books, I decided to stop reading the books as it's writting something too long like 5 pages where I feel it can be shortened to 1 page and repeat the same topic over and over.

The writting style also too weird, why it's using 3rd person persepective, isn't the author is Dale Carniege? or does it someone else? I don't know and didn't want to spend more time on this book to figure it out.
Profile Image for Chali.
6 reviews35 followers
September 5, 2021
Esse livro talvez seja bom para alguém inexperiente e jovem, porem para mim foi uma leitura tediosa e que pouco acrescentou em minha vida, em questão de conhecimento e de já habilidades interpessoais.

O livro se alonga demais, trás exemplos muito simplista, às vezes até mesmo buscando fatos históricos como exemplo, mas a maneira como o faz me pareceu inadequada, uma vez que simplificou demais esses fatos, apenas para que eles pudessem caber na narrativa que o autor propunha.

Em conclusão, terminei a leitura na base do ódio mesmo, porque não gosto de deixar livros pela metade.
Profile Image for Jason Wicky Ong.
344 reviews5 followers
September 6, 2017
To assert yourself effectively enough to influence others, develop the “five essential people skills”: “rapport building, curiosity, communication, ambition” and “conflict resolution.”

Funny how the essential people skills are called 'ambition' and 'conflict management' and the book ended up telling us how to deal with ambitious people and problematic people.

Although this book is not an accurate summary of Dale Carnegie's books, I like how the book focus on making us more assertive.
Profile Image for Joey Justice.
46 reviews3 followers
September 26, 2018
This book wasn't actually written by Dale Carnegie. I feel similarly about this book as I feel about How To Win Friends and Influence People - I feel the advice within is either largely manipulative and not conducive to facilitating meaningful relationships, or incompatible with my personality.

The 5 Essential People Skills may actually prove useful for someone in middle management, but for a near-college graduate like myself, there isn't much to be gained here.
Profile Image for Vlad.
382 reviews9 followers
June 5, 2024
The work of Dale Carnegie impresses me again and again. It’s an audio of on repeat what other books included.

*You have two ears and one month to listen more than to speak.

*Lincoln made a mistake sending anonymous letters then admitting it.

*Organize well everything so you can proceed and begin you’re day smooth.

*Never think bad about someone as if there is no need to make adrenaline and cortisol on the adrenal cotrtex free.
Profile Image for Helfren.
931 reviews10 followers
September 5, 2025
Navigating life's intricate dance requires mastering the 5 essential people skills. Learn to assert yourself with a voice of calm conviction, not a roar. Listen with an open heart, absorbing others' stories like a sponge. When conflicts arise, face them head-on, weaving threads of understanding into a tapestry of resolution. These are the vibrant hues that color your connections, turning every interaction into a masterpiece
Profile Image for Daniel.
227 reviews8 followers
November 29, 2018
This is an excellent book by the Dale Carnegie Institute. It is imbued with the philosophy of the late Mr. Carnegie, who was born in 1888 and died on 1955. The book is one which you'll return to constantly and at various times in life. It is intended for multiple readings and its exercises are very helpful towards self development.
Profile Image for William Schram.
2,370 reviews99 followers
January 17, 2020
The 5 Essential People Skills are all related to being assertive. It is one of those books that expect you to write in or mark up the book. It is one of the actions that I decided to never do to my books, even if it makes them more personal.

I don’t know if the book is a rehash of other information or not. There isn’t really a lot to say about this book beyond all of that.
Profile Image for Amanda.
40 reviews
August 14, 2022
Basic but often-forgotten principles… the book is a good reminder of the impacts if they have been forgotten or not used, especially in the workplace.

Goes hand in hand with Dale’s other books. Actions and questions at the end of the chapters are good to use as a sense check once in awhile for how we’re impacting ourselves and others.
1 review
January 21, 2025
Superb

Resolving conflicts is the part that resonates the most in this time and age. Do away with troubles and you are good to go anywhere of your choice! I recommend the book to anyone who wants to entertain in the garden of social intelligence and people's understanding. Without which all intellectual achievements mean nothing.
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