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How Do I Help a Hurting Friend?
"People have problems," writes Rod Wilson. And when it's a friend or loved one, we naturally want to help. Unfortunately, many Christians do not have the necessary resources they need to resolve the problem. Until now. How Do I Help a Hurting Friend? is a kindhearted, comprehensive, and practical guide to ministry through friendship. With over twenty-five years of experience, Rod Wilson sheds light on how to help others by illustrating that people need to be understood. He provides succinct descriptions of five core problems (self-image, grief, depression, burnout, and a dysfunctional family), describes what it's like to experience each, offers biblical advice on how to approach the problem, and gives practical ways one can help. For anyone who has a friend with problems, this insightful and compassionate book will fill the widening gap in ministry resources.
- GenresChristian Living
160 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2006
1 person is currently reading
16 people want to read
About the author
Rod Wilson
7 books7 followersDr. Rod Wilson lives in Vancouver, Canada, with his wife, Bev. He was trained in English Literature, Psychology, Counselling, and Theology.
His formative life-long question? What is the relationship between the human and the spiritual? With this question as a backdrop, he notes that people with a high commitment to the human often have little time for the spiritual. Not infrequently, people committed to the spiritual have minimal interest in what it means to be human. He loves spaces where the human and the spiritual are blended seamlessly.
This quest has taken him into various vocational sectors--including education, mental health, the disability community, church, and non-profit--as a teacher, leader, preacher, therapist, mentor, facilitator, and conversation partner. He is grateful that he continues to walk with a metaphorical limp as he learns and grows in a world, which has much to offer
.
His formative life-long question? What is the relationship between the human and the spiritual? With this question as a backdrop, he notes that people with a high commitment to the human often have little time for the spiritual. Not infrequently, people committed to the spiritual have minimal interest in what it means to be human. He loves spaces where the human and the spiritual are blended seamlessly.
This quest has taken him into various vocational sectors--including education, mental health, the disability community, church, and non-profit--as a teacher, leader, preacher, therapist, mentor, facilitator, and conversation partner. He is grateful that he continues to walk with a metaphorical limp as he learns and grows in a world, which has much to offer
.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
January 3, 2023
The year 2022 was a rough year - I'd say the worst of my life. I benefited greatly from the care, prayer, patience, and ministrations of others and I read this book in the hopes that I too could be a helpful and caring friend.
In this respect, Rod Wilson, the former president of Regent College and a professional counsellor, tells readers that what hurting people primarily want is not necessary spiffy solutions but rather to be deeply understood. Each chapter is dedicated towards explaining the nature of a certain kind of suffering (negative self-image, grief, depression, burnout, and dysfunctional families/personal history) and how we as Christians can most compassionately and pastorally come alongside our hurting co-congregants, colleagues, friends, and family. I had the pleasure of learning from Rod and his warm wisdom shines through this book as he addresses the unique evangelical subculture and its relationship with suffering; while some evangelicals virulently avoid all medication he notes that it can be as necessary and appropriate as a cast on an injured arm; while some evangelicals rely on pious proof-texts Rod gingerly chides them for their faulty hermeneutical understanding; while some evangelicals insist we must forgive and forget because God does, Rod points out that in fact God does NOT forget our trespasses (what would it do to His omniscience if He did?) but that DESPITE our sins He still graciously and lovingly accepts and forgives us.
This is a wonderful, accessible book that will be helpful for everyone in the Church. I would say it is one of the very best books Regent College Publishing has released and I highly recommend it.
In this respect, Rod Wilson, the former president of Regent College and a professional counsellor, tells readers that what hurting people primarily want is not necessary spiffy solutions but rather to be deeply understood. Each chapter is dedicated towards explaining the nature of a certain kind of suffering (negative self-image, grief, depression, burnout, and dysfunctional families/personal history) and how we as Christians can most compassionately and pastorally come alongside our hurting co-congregants, colleagues, friends, and family. I had the pleasure of learning from Rod and his warm wisdom shines through this book as he addresses the unique evangelical subculture and its relationship with suffering; while some evangelicals virulently avoid all medication he notes that it can be as necessary and appropriate as a cast on an injured arm; while some evangelicals rely on pious proof-texts Rod gingerly chides them for their faulty hermeneutical understanding; while some evangelicals insist we must forgive and forget because God does, Rod points out that in fact God does NOT forget our trespasses (what would it do to His omniscience if He did?) but that DESPITE our sins He still graciously and lovingly accepts and forgives us.
This is a wonderful, accessible book that will be helpful for everyone in the Church. I would say it is one of the very best books Regent College Publishing has released and I highly recommend it.
February 24, 2012
Whether you like it or not, at some point in your life a friend is going to come to you with a problem. He will be feeling sad, or down. She will be struggling in a relationship. He will be angry with a coworker, and so on and so forth. As a Christian, how do you plan on responding to your friend—to help that person—practically? Sadly, many times the answers that Christians offer to the real emotional and psychological problems of our friends are no better than platitudes: we say to the depressed person, “You should pray more;” to the person with a dysfunctional family, “You should be free in Christ, why are you still living in the past?” and to the person who is grieving, “You should really be over this by now.” In fact, our often inept and unaware answers to the real problems of others have frequently done more damage than good. It is, primarily, to address this ineptitude and establish a biblical framework for Christian counseling ministry that Rod Wilson was written his book, How Do I Help a Hurting Friend?
Wilson’s book covers five extremely common areas of personal struggle: Self-Image, Grief, Depression, Burnout, and Dysfunctional Families. In each short chapter he outlines the problem, sets a biblical framework for understanding the issue, identifies common misconceptions about both the diagnosis and ‘treatment’ of these issues, and proposes proper steps to for practically helping these hurting friends. For a number of reasons, Wilson’s book is an excellent ministry resource. One reason is that it is a useful, practical, beginner’s guide to basic counseling ministry for Christians. It is readable, well-organized, and easy to apply, and since at some point you will need to help a hurting friend, having some basic knowledge of these common problems and helpful solutions is unarguably an asset. Another reason Wilson’s book is a solid resource is because, due to the nature of the material, it forces the reader into an initial process of self-examination. Seeing how these five common dysfunctions operate in your own life is a great benefit to your private spiritual growth; furthermore, it will increase the empathy with which you will minister to others who are hurting. A third reason why Wilson’s book is a solid ministry resource is due to the biblical perspective he brings to the counseling ministry. In this, Wilson is at pains to show that the Bible is not a book of perfect people, but of suffering, imperfect people who need God. That perspective alone might be worth the price of the book.
Wilson’s strength, however, is also a liability. I read this book recently with my church board, who are all laypeople, and we found, in the scheme of things, that the time spent addressing the biblical correction and defense of counseling ministry outweighed the time spent offering practical advice on helping hurting friends. Perhaps this is an understandable emphasis on Wilson’s part. Counseling ministry has not always enjoyed the favor of the church, and since so many common misconceptions reign when Christians help their hurting friends, this book serves as a much needed corrective. Even so, the time spent discussing the Bible, and the time spent offering practical help to the hurting, was noticeably disproportionate. My church board, who didn’t come to the book with deeply ingrained misconceptions about biblical counseling, found these sections tedious and craved more practical help. At one point I even began to feel that the book might be helpfully re-titled, “A Biblical Perspective on Counseling Ministry.”
There was, however, an unexpected benefit to reading this book as a leadership board—that we were able to apply the five common problems to our Church as if it were a person. Where are we, as a church, suffering from burnout, or grief, or self-image, or depression, or family dysfunction? Taking the discussion from our own struggles with these issues, then beginning to look at our congregation as a group struggling with these same issues, was a profound experience that helped us to know (and diagnose) our own church in far greater detail. It is the kind of reading that I would heartily recommend to any elder’s board.
Rod Wilson’s How Do I Help a Hurting Friend? is a solid, rewarding book in pastoral care that, despite its flaws, easily deserves a space on both the layperson’s bookshelf as well as the pastor’s ministry ‘toolbox.’
Wilson’s book covers five extremely common areas of personal struggle: Self-Image, Grief, Depression, Burnout, and Dysfunctional Families. In each short chapter he outlines the problem, sets a biblical framework for understanding the issue, identifies common misconceptions about both the diagnosis and ‘treatment’ of these issues, and proposes proper steps to for practically helping these hurting friends. For a number of reasons, Wilson’s book is an excellent ministry resource. One reason is that it is a useful, practical, beginner’s guide to basic counseling ministry for Christians. It is readable, well-organized, and easy to apply, and since at some point you will need to help a hurting friend, having some basic knowledge of these common problems and helpful solutions is unarguably an asset. Another reason Wilson’s book is a solid resource is because, due to the nature of the material, it forces the reader into an initial process of self-examination. Seeing how these five common dysfunctions operate in your own life is a great benefit to your private spiritual growth; furthermore, it will increase the empathy with which you will minister to others who are hurting. A third reason why Wilson’s book is a solid ministry resource is due to the biblical perspective he brings to the counseling ministry. In this, Wilson is at pains to show that the Bible is not a book of perfect people, but of suffering, imperfect people who need God. That perspective alone might be worth the price of the book.
Wilson’s strength, however, is also a liability. I read this book recently with my church board, who are all laypeople, and we found, in the scheme of things, that the time spent addressing the biblical correction and defense of counseling ministry outweighed the time spent offering practical advice on helping hurting friends. Perhaps this is an understandable emphasis on Wilson’s part. Counseling ministry has not always enjoyed the favor of the church, and since so many common misconceptions reign when Christians help their hurting friends, this book serves as a much needed corrective. Even so, the time spent discussing the Bible, and the time spent offering practical help to the hurting, was noticeably disproportionate. My church board, who didn’t come to the book with deeply ingrained misconceptions about biblical counseling, found these sections tedious and craved more practical help. At one point I even began to feel that the book might be helpfully re-titled, “A Biblical Perspective on Counseling Ministry.”
There was, however, an unexpected benefit to reading this book as a leadership board—that we were able to apply the five common problems to our Church as if it were a person. Where are we, as a church, suffering from burnout, or grief, or self-image, or depression, or family dysfunction? Taking the discussion from our own struggles with these issues, then beginning to look at our congregation as a group struggling with these same issues, was a profound experience that helped us to know (and diagnose) our own church in far greater detail. It is the kind of reading that I would heartily recommend to any elder’s board.
Rod Wilson’s How Do I Help a Hurting Friend? is a solid, rewarding book in pastoral care that, despite its flaws, easily deserves a space on both the layperson’s bookshelf as well as the pastor’s ministry ‘toolbox.’
April 15, 2015
Counselor, Pastor, Professor, Regent College President Rod Wilson gives his overview of how to help the hurting. He identifies five domains of pain (not meant to be exhaustive) that he speaks to: self image, grief, depression, burnout, dysfunctional families. This book gives some practical advice on how to walk with people in their pain.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews