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Dating
Dating might seem like a trivial and relatively inconsequential part of love, but it is in fact key to getting into the kind of relationship that can last and help us flourish. Dating sits on top of some of the largest themes of love: how to know whether or not someone is right for us; how soon to settle and how long to search; how to be at once honest and seductive; how to politely extricate oneself without causing offence.
This indispensable guide teaches us about the history of dating, the reason why our dating days can be so anxious, how to optimise our attempts at dating and how to digest and overcome so-called ‘bad’ dates. The book is at once heartfelt and perceptive, and never minimises the agony, joys and confusions of our dating days and nights. It provides us with a roadmap to the varied, sometimes delightful, sometimes daunting realities of dating.
This indispensable guide teaches us about the history of dating, the reason why our dating days can be so anxious, how to optimise our attempts at dating and how to digest and overcome so-called ‘bad’ dates. The book is at once heartfelt and perceptive, and never minimises the agony, joys and confusions of our dating days and nights. It provides us with a roadmap to the varied, sometimes delightful, sometimes daunting realities of dating.
Kindle Edition
Published October 29, 2019
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About the author
The School of Life
173 books3,128 followersThe School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.
We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.
Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.
That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.
We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.
Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.
That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
February 21, 2021
Written in a warm, philosophical style, it goes into much more than the surface aspects of dating. It focuses on who you are, who the other person could be on a deep level and adopts an existentialist approach to dating's place in one's life. Some parts resounded with me, others made me laugh with their subtle humor. Definitely going to read again at a certain point.
July 21, 2023
Exactly what you could expect from The School of Life - easily digestible, presents ideas on a surface level or gives some "facts" without backing them up in any way. Has some useful stuff and some straight up raw quotes.
June 3, 2024
Really enjoyed the last 4 chapters, I also liked the idea of comparison of what a good enough person to love might be vs Paul Cezanne appreciation of apples. page 102.
Some of what Cézanne achieved when painting apples applies obliquely to dating, for what is at stake in both cases is the generosity of the vision we can bring to bear on the world. The qualities we find in another person depend to a critical extent on the kind of curiosity and imagination we are able to summon. In a certain mood, everyone we meet can be dismissed as dull, routine, lawed and worthy of being passed over in an ongoing earch for obvious glory. But in a different frame of mind, one of heightened sensitivity, many so-called average cople can be revealed as repositories of immense value and fascination - and eminently deserving of love. What makes a person 'special' isn't in the end simply who they 'are', conceived of in some objective, unchanging way; it is the emotional complexity with which we know how to engage with them.”
“How long we keep dating for isn't therefore simply a matter of how long we must wait until we land upon an unambiguously exceptional person; it's also a question of how capable we are of searching out what is precious: and worthy of love within the sort of people who regularly cross our paths. Some of us keep dating forever not because we neve meet someone who could deserve our attention but because we have not yet learnt the art of appreciation. We notice only the most overt problems, while leaving to one side the qualities that co-exist with them in th shadows. We don't discover that, perhaps, our date has: a very sweet relationship with a younger sibling, or that over the years they have coped very well with a difficul parent; we don't find out that they've got an excellent way of dealing with a conflict at work or highly imaginative the way they behave with kids, they ability to deal with set back.”
Some of what Cézanne achieved when painting apples applies obliquely to dating, for what is at stake in both cases is the generosity of the vision we can bring to bear on the world. The qualities we find in another person depend to a critical extent on the kind of curiosity and imagination we are able to summon. In a certain mood, everyone we meet can be dismissed as dull, routine, lawed and worthy of being passed over in an ongoing earch for obvious glory. But in a different frame of mind, one of heightened sensitivity, many so-called average cople can be revealed as repositories of immense value and fascination - and eminently deserving of love. What makes a person 'special' isn't in the end simply who they 'are', conceived of in some objective, unchanging way; it is the emotional complexity with which we know how to engage with them.”
“How long we keep dating for isn't therefore simply a matter of how long we must wait until we land upon an unambiguously exceptional person; it's also a question of how capable we are of searching out what is precious: and worthy of love within the sort of people who regularly cross our paths. Some of us keep dating forever not because we neve meet someone who could deserve our attention but because we have not yet learnt the art of appreciation. We notice only the most overt problems, while leaving to one side the qualities that co-exist with them in th shadows. We don't discover that, perhaps, our date has: a very sweet relationship with a younger sibling, or that over the years they have coped very well with a difficul parent; we don't find out that they've got an excellent way of dealing with a conflict at work or highly imaginative the way they behave with kids, they ability to deal with set back.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 17, 2020
Unimpressed
Bought the 'book' out of curiosity. I have liked many pieces by de Botton, but in this one apart from a few good points, I found the advice wrong to follow. Why should I care to dress a certain way or to order a certain food to make a good impression? How about showing up armed with self-knowledge and the willingness to take a chance, because that's what a date is. And how are you supposed, to nonchalantly sneak the well-crafted ,questions into the conversation without making the other feel like he is being given a third degree interrogation? By all means: know thyself-' however, don't bend backwards for anyone and never settle. If you do you will be reminded soon enough on why you should not have to start with.
Bought the 'book' out of curiosity. I have liked many pieces by de Botton, but in this one apart from a few good points, I found the advice wrong to follow. Why should I care to dress a certain way or to order a certain food to make a good impression? How about showing up armed with self-knowledge and the willingness to take a chance, because that's what a date is. And how are you supposed, to nonchalantly sneak the well-crafted ,questions into the conversation without making the other feel like he is being given a third degree interrogation? By all means: know thyself-' however, don't bend backwards for anyone and never settle. If you do you will be reminded soon enough on why you should not have to start with.
February 3, 2025
Has more than just being about Dating. Gives you an inside out perspective of what you actually are looking for and what you should be looking for. Paired with "Self-knowledge" and "How to overcome your childhood", you'll feel like God.
But, what it doesn't mention, is, at least for men, that dating, at the end of day, is a volume game. Women get boat loads of attention, and that men don't take enough care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, you might want to keep that in mind
But, what it doesn't mention, is, at least for men, that dating, at the end of day, is a volume game. Women get boat loads of attention, and that men don't take enough care of themselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So, you might want to keep that in mind
October 23, 2020
The first 'trivial' book of school of life i read and i kinda like it. It is not merely about interpersonal but also intrapersonal thing about how humans perceive themselves in state of 'dating'. The book is also so easy to read, like for one sitting type of book, it reminds me about blog consist of tips and trick life hack, but more about how to understand the dating phase in life.
nice!
nice!
November 27, 2022
"There should be nothing more terrifying on a date than a person who sticks a little too aggressively to the idea that they are totally sane and entirely normal. Anyone over the age of twenty possessed of the idea that they are 'easy to live with' has evidently not begun to understand themselves or their impact upon others."
This book made me want to read all the "School of Life" books.
This book made me want to read all the "School of Life" books.
November 16, 2025
"Rather than complain about how awful most of our dates turn out to be, we should get interested in understanding - and even sympathising with - the varieties of human brokenness"
Dating and make it feels like a social experiment, been there done that 😂 but okay at least it convinced me to try it again
Dating and make it feels like a social experiment, been there done that 😂 but okay at least it convinced me to try it again
May 4, 2020
Amazing short read!
Concise, well-written, and extremely insightful.
A collection of dating truisms every dater should know.
Most books from the school of life and Alain de Botton are well worth the time and effort.
Concise, well-written, and extremely insightful.
A collection of dating truisms every dater should know.
Most books from the school of life and Alain de Botton are well worth the time and effort.
July 12, 2021
Always good advice from the School of Life about the importance of getting to know the other person and that is what dating is really all about. Trying out many options to find someone who works with us. Even now I can hear the narrator's voice...
August 31, 2021
Delightful 🥺
‘... in our rapid and dismissive glances, we haven’t yet noticed the opportunity, much like so many of us hadn’t spotted very much about ripe apples that was worth cherishing, until Cézanne took care to open our eyes.’
‘... in our rapid and dismissive glances, we haven’t yet noticed the opportunity, much like so many of us hadn’t spotted very much about ripe apples that was worth cherishing, until Cézanne took care to open our eyes.’
June 28, 2022
Short easy read, written with the kind warm voice of a caring philosophical uncle type.
Focused more so on shifting our own perspectives and how to better approach dating, appreciating it, and the root problems we need to address to actually move from dating to a relationship.
Focused more so on shifting our own perspectives and how to better approach dating, appreciating it, and the root problems we need to address to actually move from dating to a relationship.
October 18, 2023
This practical book is fun to read. I found something new that often misinterpreted in our society about dating. Also this book is kind of guiding the reader how to be more confident to dating. No need to play hard and cool after read this book lol.
December 10, 2023
The first thing to know is that this is a very small, short book as which seem to be the case with others from The School of Life. That said, there is some decent food for thought in this book. However, overall I'm not sure how helpful the advice in the book will really be.
September 26, 2024
Once again, the School of Life reframes a modern day conundrum through philosophy, simply written for enjoyable digestion and the greatest likelihood of application. Another book of theirs I’ll regularly return to.
August 2, 2020
great read to put dating psych into perspectives
January 24, 2022
The end has some good points. A textbook style way of learning about "worldly" dating
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 4, 2023
Funny approach about the subject
March 20, 2024
Its comments on dating: intriguing.
Its advice for dating: plain bizarre.
No adult should order from the children's menu during a date, no matter what this book reckons it says about you.
Its advice for dating: plain bizarre.
No adult should order from the children's menu during a date, no matter what this book reckons it says about you.
March 1, 2021
Main Quotes:
1. We will soon be stone cold dead and should use the idea of our impending doom to make us less scared of the petty challenges that stand in front of our plans for happiness. The thing we must really be afraid of is not to hear they already have a partner but that we will reach the grave before saying hello.
1. We will soon be stone cold dead and should use the idea of our impending doom to make us less scared of the petty challenges that stand in front of our plans for happiness. The thing we must really be afraid of is not to hear they already have a partner but that we will reach the grave before saying hello.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews