Why Be Happy?: The Japanese Way of Acceptance

by Scott Haas

This beautiful and practical guide to ukeireru, the Japanese principle of acceptance, offers a path to well-being and satisfaction for the anxious and exhausted.

Looking for greater peace and satisfaction? Look no further than the Japanese concept of ukeireru, or acceptance. Psychologist Scott Haas offers an elegant, practical, and life-changing look at ways we can reduce anxiety and stress and increase overall well-being. By learning and practicing ukeireru, you can:

Profoundly improve your relationships, with a greater focus on listening, finding commonalities, and intuiting
Find calm in ritualizing things such as making coffee, drinking tea, and even having a cocktail
Embrace the importance of baths and naps
Show respect for self and others, which has a remarkably calming effect on everyone
Learn to listen more than you talk
Tidy up your life by downsizing experiences and relationships that offer more stress than solace
Cultivate practical ways of dealing with anger, fear, and arguments -- the daily tensions that take up so much of our lives

By practicing acceptance, we learn to pause, take in the situation, and then deciding on a course of action that reframes things. Why Be Happy? Discover a place of contentment and peace in this harried world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Japan, Spirituality

256 pages, Hardcover

First published July 7, 2020

Reviews

[Kammy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to the publisher for a copy of this book via netgalley!

This book had a lot of potential. I wrote down future reads that were quoted in it. I also found two places in japan that I never heard of and that I wanted to note for future travels. I also liked the parts of the book that were actually related to what happiness means in japan. I felt like parts of this book were over descriptive but then cut short (beautiful description of the monks, but a quick brush of their actual conversation). This Left me disappointed and wanting more. Also, who quotes drake...!!! One thing is for sure, the author truly wants the reader to love japan as much as he does!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having recently lost several family members I find myself dealing looking for ways to be happier so when I saw this title and read the summary I was eager to read more. I found the book quiet intriguing, thought-provoking and well-researched. I would recommend it to those looking to expand their knowledge of Japanese culture. The author, Scott Haas, touches on various aspects of the Japanese way of life as he shares his personal experience and observations honestly and vividly. Haas' analysis is fascinating and very easy to understand. I especially love chapter three. He writes about an idea of "waiting and observing" by showing us the Japanese way to serving tea, coffee, and cocktails. His observations are sensitive and thoughtful. While I picked this book for my personal journey it is relevant to us all now as we cope with the pandemic. Haas writes; "... when a crisis does occur, one in which the external structures are not enough to solve matters, what is the individual supposed to do?" He is not judgmental, but inquisitive which causes you to be the same in return. I highly recommend this book!

[Audille Bardon · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s an okay book. He mostly speaks about the difference culture Japanese/Americans. The Japanese etiquette. His travels in Japan. I think the title of this book isn’t that accurate to the content, sure he speaks about the Japanese « hygge » but i didn’t feel like it was the most important subject in his book.

[Azjatycka Półka · Rating 2 out of 5]

Powiem szczerze, że moim pierwszy odruchem było rozłożyć tę książkę na czynniki pierwsze i wygarnąć jej wszystkie bzdury, zdanie po zdaniu. Ale tak naprawdę byłoby to obciążające zajęcie, choć zapewne by się podobało. Zastanowiłam się zatem dla przekory, do czego może się przydać ta książka i doszłam do wniosku, że możemy ją wykorzystać ku nauce i przestrodze. Okazuje się, ze takie poradniki mogą nas wiele nauczyć – może nie japońskiej sztuki akceptacji, ale na pewno uważności i dobrych postaw wobec innych krajów.

To nie jest tak, że rzeczy, które proponuje Haas, są całkiem bezsensowne. Bo akceptacja jest bardzo ważnym elementem mentalności Japończyków. W książce zaś jest też na pewno sporo japońskich zwyczajów i pojęć, które będą dla osób zupełnie niezaznajomionych z Japonią nowe i interesujące. Można sobie zebrać ciekawy słowniczek, bo te pojęcia rzeczywiście funkcjonują wśród Japończyków (choć nie zawsze takim ciągiem przyczynowo-skutkowym, jaki oferuje autor). Książka ta może także posłużyć jako taki starter do dalszych poszukiwań, gdy zaciekawi nas jakieś pojęcie przytaczane przez autora.

Ale na sto procent nie należy go traktować jako ostateczne źródło wiedzy. Bo musimy cały czas mieć z tyłu głowy, że pisze do nas biały pan w średnim wieku, który przygląda się japońskiej kulturze z lekkim pobłażaniem, jak ciekawemu okazowi egzotycznego motyla w swojej kolekcji. Dziwuje się japońskim „wynalazkom” typu grzeczność, uważność, nastawienie na grupę, by potem i tak wrócić do swojej zachodniej mentalności z samozadowoleniem, że dotknęło się tego „mistycznego Wschodu” i aż tyle się z niego wyniosło (ignorując kontekst kulturowy czy znaczenie danych zwyczajów).

Oczywiście nie ma nic złego w przekonaniu, że jak będziesz odczuwać wewnętrzny spokój i będziesz miała dobre samopoczucie, to na pewno przyjdzie ci z większą łatwością akceptować te mniej fortunne momenty w twoim życiu. To straszny truizm, który został opakowany w atrakcyjne japońskie słowa i dziwną, z nikąd wyjętą filozofię, która z Japonią nijak się nie ma. Żeby wdrażać takie rozwiązania do swojego życia, wcale nie trzeba w to mieszać Japończyków. Bardzo nie fajnie jest traktowanie Japonii z góry, wybieranie sobie tylko kilka aspektów, które nam się spodobały, i podanie ich jako wymyśloną przez siebie filozofię.

Nie krytykuję, jeśli takie poradniki lubicie i znajdujecie w nich coś dla siebie, co poprawia Wam codzienność - super! Wręcz zachęcam, żeby poznawać przeróżne postawy i światopoglądy. Warto jednak wyposażyć się w krytycyzm i wiedzę, by nie przejąć takiej szkodliwej postawy.

Więcej o problemach, które miałam z tą książką na blogu: https://azjatyckapolka.wordpress.com/...

[Nancy Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not about being happy. It's about learning to live with disappointment.

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Japanese concept of ukeireru, or acceptance means that you don't waste time searching for perfect. That you deal with the here and now, and give yourself and others time to listen, time to focus on daily tasks and time to consider the bigger picture.

Why I started this book: Great title and I'm always on the look out for more books to explain Japan and its culture.

Why I finished it: Haas presented some great insights, but also claimed to have inferred the necessity of minimalism before Marie Kondō because of Japanese culture. Having lived in Japan for almost 6 years, I can say that the cost of disposing items or throwing them away, encourages far more hoarding than minimalism. (It costs between $10-$40 per item to dispose of furniture, appliances, etc. And that's before the cost of pick up or renting a truck to cart it off is added.) So while I enjoyed this book, his conclusions didn't always match up with my personal experiences and left me wondering about his other points. Japan is a country much more focused on the group, than the individual and America and its citizens could benefit from taking care of each other.

[Geekfork · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not really sure why this was one of those relatively short books I had trouble finishing. I certainly enjoyed it. In fact, I liked this one better than a bunch of other "The [insert nationality/ethnicity here] way/art of _____" books I've read because it didn't devolve into a quasi-arrogant tract on how "the [insert nationality/ethnicity here] are simply better at life and we need more taxes and social programs and...." I think at certain spots it seemed to drone on a bit, but not too much.

[Ammiee Gerrity · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great reminder to observe and not react.

[Kathleen Flynn]

Why Be Happy? has a great premise and a great title, so I was disappointed not to like it more than I did. Some really interesting thoughts along the way, but the overall reading experience felt disjointed and at some points repetitious, like the chapter on napping and sleep. It would have benefited from a stronger throughline and more disciplined editing, in my view.

[Raiko · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Sam P · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me so long but I finally finished this!! I've adopted a few of the practices highlighted in this book and honestly, I've been feeling great!!

[Sara G.A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lo empecé de casualidad, ni siquiera sabía que me iba a encontrar. Lo primero diré que no me ha disgustado, pero creo que otro título hubiese sido más oportuno (o haber dejado el subtítulo como título principal).

El autor intenta comparar el estilo de vida japonés y sus principales "filosofías y características" con el estadounidense, explicando algunas partes de la vida japonesa (sobre todo la aceptación o ekireiru o algo así).

Al final va diciendo que habría que coger todo lo bueno que se vea a las particularidades y sociedades japonesas (menos egoísmo, más unión con la naturaleza, más aceptación, más respeto, etc) y traspolarlo a lo occidental, de forma similar a como hicieron ellos cuando empezaron a adaptar algunas cosas de occidente a su propio país.
Incluso tratan el tema de la comida y lo jodido que lo ha tenido Japón durante años al ser realmente un país bastante apartado y limitado del resto del mundo en cuanto a geografía y los peligros a los que están expuestos por la naturaleza (huracanes, tsunamis, terremotos, volcanes...).

Si acaso estaba de acuerdo en que en occidente somos demasiado individualistas, en Japón son casi todo lo contrario y son demasiado rebaño, impidiendo así que las personas sean únicas o tengan su propia personalidad, aunque bien podrían seguir siendo parte de un grupo. En ese sentido pensé que lo iba a defender a capa y espada al final, pero no, solo coge de eso que la unión y la cohesión de grupo y sus ventajas las podríamos tener más en cuenta.

¿De qué creía yo que iba a ser el libro? Pues un poco más filosófico. Aceptar, si, cómo hacerlo y las preguntas pertinentes de por qué ser feliz y motivos para verlo (aunque la felicidad es una emoción efímera y no un estado perpetuo). El escritor decía que era psicólogo pero por la forma de narrar (y porque apenas dice nada de psicología), sinceramente no me lo parecía.

[Firat Fidan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Japon kültürünü bu kadar yalın anlatırken Ukeireru felsefesini de Japonya’da yaşadığı deneyimlerle okura sunan muhteşem bir kitap. Hayat felsefeme çok yakın gördüğüm Ukeireru öğretilerinde üniversite yıllarında sıkça okuduğum Sufizm öğretilerinden de örnekler gördüm. Hiroşima ve Nagasaki’ye atılan atom bombaları, Pearl Harbor, volkanik patlamalar ve yaşanan onlarca depremden sonra bitik olan bir ülkenin ekonomisinin bugün nasıl dünya ülkeleri arasında en güçlü ekonomiler içinde yer aldığını daha kolay anlayabileceğiniz bu kitapta, çözümün Batı’nın bireyselliğinden ziyade sürekli mükemmelliği arayan Japonya’nın grup psikolojisinin olduğunu yazar çok güzel bir şekilde özetlemiş. Sessiz kalmakla, teslimiyet arasındaki o ince çizginin farkındalığının aslında kültürel davranış değişiklikleriyle mümkün olduğunu da okurken hissedebiliyorsunuz. Hızla yaşadığımız bu kapitalist düzen içerisinde günlük hayatımızı yavaşlatabilmenin fiziksel ve ruhsal sağlığımızı olumlu yönde etkileyeceği aşikar. Empati, stresle baş edebilme, kabullenme ve mutluluğa olan farklı bakış açılarını okumayı seviyorsanız mutlaka okuyun derim.

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was written by an actual psychologist! I thought that this book was enjoyable and was an easy read. Haas uses a lot references throughout the book to bring his points across. In addition, he uses examples from his personal experiences and relate them to what he was talking about in each section of the book. I found this refreshing. The flow of Haas writing was also easy to understand and not complicated. The book explains the differences between Japan and America in the ways they deal with stress. Why is falling asleep not considered rude in Japan? This is just one of topics that Haas explains in this book. Anyways, I am bad at writing reviews, but I did enjoy this book. I will definitely be using some of the techniques in this book in order to relieve my stress and be mindful.

I received this book from a Goodreads giveaway.

[Em · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a Goodreads win.

I'm intrigued by positive psychology, and since this was written by a clinical psychologist, I had high hopes.

What I found interesting is that the author took concepts that could be found in a general positive psychology book, or even a "how to be healthy" book, and viewed them through the "ukeireu," a Japanese principle. For those who have read a lot about Zen Buddhism, you may find some similarities, too. I liked the author's approach - it's gentle and reflective.

The chapter, "Everything is Nothing," about things, resonated with me. I'm in the process of letting go of a lot of things after experiencing a big move, the loss of a parent, health problems, and more.

If you're struggling to find some happiness, this could be a good read.

[Matteo Rinaldi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was alright. At first a little too "American" in the way that it seems to be overgeneralizing and make everything look like a Hollywood movie. I asked multiple times my Japanese gf if a few of the things reported are real (like chefs cooking without asking, or some other things). 60% of the times what is discussed is very specific and does not regard the entire population. For example, food in schools is amazing and food education is important for Japanese people.. but nobody had a shared vision of food etiquette or time dedicated to it. Nature is not felt as strongly and romantically as the author would want us to think in Japan. Etc etc. It is very interesting on other points, but just so you know: it tends to exaggerate.

[Cristie Underwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author wrote a great book on utilizing the Japanese technique of acceptance to gain a more relaxed view of life As an anxious person, I tend to react first and think later. The author stresses that this approach is wrong, as it contributes to further unhappiness. By taking in the situation first, you can come up with an appropriate course of action that doesn't cause further stress down the road. The author also applies this Japanese technique to relationships. This was a really interesting book. I am going to TRY to utilize these principles, but it may be difficult due to being someone that is typically anxious.

[Belgin Slh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bu kitapla birlikte neden japonları ve kültürlerini çok sevdiğimi ve ilgilendiğimi yeniden keşfettim. Bizim gibi sıcak insanların (yaşadığımız ülkenin profili), sürekli konuşma isteği, konuşmazsak karşımızdaki kişinin biZi yanlış anlayacağından korkmamız, sessiz kalamamız sanırım beni kültürümüzle alakalı en irite eden şeylerden biri. Sessizliğin keyfini çıkarmaktan ve sessiz kalarak da iletişim kurulabileceğinden yoksunuz. Bu bir çok kültürde böyle sanırım. Gözlem yapmak ve o anı sükunetle"kabul etmek" japonlar ile ilgili en çok sevdiğim ve hayran olduğum şeylerden biri. İlk okuduğumda aşırı hoşuma gitti bu deyim. Kuuki wo yomu (空気を読む) 🤌🏻 🥲 havayı okumak...

[Sanja · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is sort of a crossbreed between a travel guide and self-help and it does nothing new for both of his worlds. As a traveler's guide, it's superficial and inconsistent (pops from place to place and from one tradition to another), and as self-help it is shallow, offering rudimental knowledge of psychology. The author wants us to implement the Japanese style of life in our western lives. Does he offer a way? No, he is, as much as the reader clueless. Sadly he is very aware of how impossible it is and even sort of apologizes for asking that. Learning new things about Japanese culture was fun, everything else was boring to the bone.

[Liisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

It wasn't what I expected. I think the people who would benefit from reading this book will not read it and the people who comes across this do not benefit from this.

As neurodivergent person who struggles fit in and with self worth and there were many troubling sentences:
You do not matter.
Act like everybody else.
(These two were repeated throughout the book)
Don't show emotions.
Apologize even if you are not wrong.

These are just few that comes to mind.

[Tiffany Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book on practicing the Japanese art of acceptance. It will help you improve your life and your relationships overall. I would highly recommend this book.

I would like to thank Netgalley and the Publisher for providing me with a copy free of charge. This is my honest and unbiased opinion of it.

[Cheryl Schibley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I chose this book as I was nervously waiting for election results. Thought it might help me find some Zen but the premise felt a little silly. It's a guide to the Japanese art of ukeireru. How to find calm when your feeling anxious and exhausted. In the end, I found that I just had to go through the experience of feeling anxious and exhausted to get to the other side. I feel better today.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un buen libro si deseas entrar en la cultura japonesa y entenderla mejor.

Como todas, tienen cosas positivas y negativas.
Me quedo con Ichigo-Ichiei, que significa que lo que está pasando no va a volver a pasar jamás.

La parte negativa el machismo que se respira en una cultura de grupo muy arraigada. La gran plaga y virus del siglo XXI aún por erradicar, en el mundo entero.

[Annette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disjointed, poorly structured, a stream of roughly linked thoughts and memories of his travels. The points are well known - keep things in perspective, people crave genuine connection, pay attention to the important stuff. Some insights into Japanese culture but much less than I expected. Disappointing.

[river.｡*♡ · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐
it was fine, not one of my favorite reads but we got through it at least..
some of the things mentioned in this book didn't resonate with me at all, and it looked down upon some of my values. there is a lot of ideology that's just repeated over and over, which i also don't like. it does bring a new perspective, and i did agree with some stuff, therefore i give it 2.5 stars.

[umuttchan 花火 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Olduğun durumu kabullenmek demek ha…nedense hepsini birbirine benzetiyorum ama temel anahtar farkları var.Bir yabancının gözünden Japonya’ya böyle bir yaklaşım yapıp hem de düzgün bir şekilde aktarması kitabı cidden güzel yaptı cidden.Başkalarının mutluluğuyla mutlu olmak cidden kitapta baskılanarak söyleniyordu cidden de öyle…

[Bojia Hadjiivanova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Обичам книги, които се потапят в японската култура и начин на живот – тяхната философия, традиции и уникално разбиране за света винаги са ме очаровали.

В Укеиреру, авторът успява по достъпен и увлекателен начин да ни запознае с различни аспекти на японското ежедневие, като използва личния си опит и наблюдения.

[Sophie Carew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Insightful and interesting re. Hass’ own experience of aspects of Japanese culture and comparisons to American culture. Did I enjoy it? Not particularly. It’s v chattily written (which I’m not personally a fan of) and a bit meh for lack of better words.

[Mircah Foxwood · Rating 1 out of 5]

I liked the idea of this book and was excited to read it. However I quickly found myself skimming through it. It felt very meandering, and even though I am interested in the subject matter, I felt it dragged. Lots of personal anecdotes instead of getting to the point.

[Janelle Caitlin · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy-to-read, insightful, and informative book that talks about Japanese culture and values. It focuses more on the importance of being content than pressuring ourselves to be happy. The title of the book though does not have any relation to the contents of the book. Each chapter talks about a specific value but the connection to the title was only reiterated in the last chapter of the book.