The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm

by Elaine Taylor-Klaus

Guide kids of all ages on their path to independence and success!
 
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids is a wake-up call, a clear path for action, and a message of inspiration, providing a reality-based recipe for raising complex kids, while not making yourself (or your family) crazy in the process.

Parenting expert Elaine Taylor-Klaus of ImpactADHD.com walks you through a proven coach-approach method that provides essential tools for clearly setting effective and realistic expectations for your kids to eliminate daily battles and constant upheaval.
 
It doesn’t matter if your child has ADHD, anxiety, learning disabilities, autism, depression, ODD, or attachment issues—complex kids struggle with some aspects of life and learning, and they need your understanding and support. A coach-approach will help you communicate, collaborate, and guide kids of all ages on a path to independence and success.

Here are some of the challenges, coach-approach messages, and strategies you will learn:
  Challenge: “This Kid Is Really Smart, but . . .”

Coach’s Reframe: Parent from Inspiration --> Strategy: Shed the Shoulds

Challenge: “I’ve Tried Everything, but Nothing Works” 

Coach’s Reframe: Start with You  --> Strategy: Relationships over Tasks

Challenge: “My Kid’s Just Not Motivated” 

Coach’s Reframe: Executive Function --> Strategy: Use Motivation

Challenge: “Where Do I Start?” 

Coach’s Reframe: Take a Marathon View --> Strategy: Take Aim


With The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More, your family can rediscover peace…and thrive.

Genres: Parenting, Adhd, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Adult

192 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2020

About the author

As a teenager, Elaine Taylor-Klaus only ever wanted to change the world, and she is forever grateful that she gets to do just that as an author, educator, and parenting coach. Elaine brings wisdom to parents with wit, wisdom and compassion. Check out ImpactADHD.com, SanitySchool.com, and Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD. When you pre-order The Essential Guide, you'll get two bonus gifts by emailing TheTeam@ImpactADHD.com: "Parenting in a Pandemic Supplement” and the "3 Worst Pieces of Parenting Advice for Parents of Complex Kids.”
➜WEBSITE: https://impactadhd.com/
➜ NEWSLETTER: https://impactadhd.com/resources/news...
➜ FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/ImpactADHD/
➜ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/impactadhd/
➜ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/icoachparents or https://twitter.com/impactadhd

Reviews

[Martha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m passing this book on to my daughter, I think she will enjoy reading it, and her kids are young.
I saw myself while reading about complex children and found a bit of peace. The challenges I had growing up, in school and life, had convinced me I was “slow” and a bit dumb. I was never quite as good as my friends in my mother’s eyes, which added to my feelings of inadequacy.
But I picked up the flute and could play any song by ear although I never practiced. (I lied about that constantly). I also excelled at art, which is now my passion.
I also saw where I, as a mother, had hidden what I viewed as mistakes and failures of my daughters from my previous marriage, from my husband because of my unfounded fear of him rejecting us, therefore denying him the chance to help me parent. My fear of rejection trickled down to my kids who, though they are successful, deal with the repercussions.
I wish I had read this when I was a young mother! I’ve become a damn good grandmother though.

[Natalie all_books_great_and_small · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.

This book is a fantastic coaching guide to helping parents and carers essentially learn and try new ways to help them deal with raising children that can be challenging when all hope seems lost.

This is a great book for teachers to read too to help them support children in the classroom and their parents too.

[Book Barbarian (Tammy Smith) · Rating 4 out of 5]

eARC provided by NetGalley , thank you to Netgalley and Fair Winds Press, all opinions are my own.

“Simply put, kids who are wired to be impulsive, clingy, distracted, disorganized, fearful, emotionally unregulated, and/or hyperactive can wreak havoc in the life of a family, requiring a great deal more than normal parenting. “

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety, and More by Elaine Taylor-Klaus (spoiler free reviews)
Standalone
Publish Date: 1st September 2020
Cover Rating: 6/10
Adult – Non-Fiction - Self-Help – Complex Kids

The short synopsis:
Guide kids of all ages on their path to independence and success! The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids is a wake-up call, a clear path for action, and a message of inspiration, providing a reality-based recipe for raising complex kids, while not making yourself (or your family) crazy in the process.

This is important:

“Beyond the extra burden of supporting and advocating for special needs, there is an emotional load on parents of complex kids that is difficult to articulate, and it carries the heaviest weight of all – worry.”

I struggled to not quote this entire book because so much of it resonated with me. Every page I was like: yes, YES, YEEES. I even got a little emotional, it’s not an easy journey for parents that have complex needs to raise complex kids and my own issues have me questioning my own parenting skills every day.

Having no experience or support left me feeling very alone when my 8 year old was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I also have a 7 year old that struggles with anxiety. It’s a long and complex story about that entire situation and I was and have been pretty lost throughout it and this book made me realize I can make a change and empower myself and my family to be the best we can be.

In many ways this book has changed my perspective , to see things through my children's eyes. There were a lot of eye –opening moments in general. It has also really spurred me into doing more independent research and empowering my family as a unit.

Parent like a coach.

I would have liked more scientific evidence and references, as a self –dates and facts, and books and studies always help convince me .There were minor religious references , nothing too uncomfortable. But the author did mentioned Dolores Umbridge and HP characters which was a cute contemporary touch.

Who is this book for?
THIS BOOK IS FOR EVERYONE. Parents to be, teachers, parents with or without complex kids. This can teach you a lot about how you raise your children and about how you view other complex children and their parents. I beg of you to read it or something similar to this.

Now is the time to redefine what a family should be and who’s expectations you are trying to live up to. What is important is being that support structure for your child and guiding them though life to adulthood with the best tools, this book really shows you the guidance, new tools and explains all the steps. I loved it.

[Niffty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do not have children but i am studying for becoming a Human Development and Family Science Major. This book doesn’t teach you about autism or ADHD. She author even saids that in the beginning. It more teaches parents or teachers how to help out children with different disabilities. It does have some great advice. She does have a kid is ADHD and she is a parenting coach.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource for parents of complex children and regular children too. Lays out not only tools and techniques, but also reframing mental perspectives on parenting challenges. One of the biggest takeaways for me is that the solution to issues like ADHD starts with the parents, not child. I appreciated the compassionate and hopeful tone throughout the book as well.

[Elizabeth Roberts-Zibbel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful in reframing my own anxiety about what my kids “should” be doing, as well as suggestions for improving unwanted behaviors. I was glad to see I was already using a lot of the strategies.

[Olga Yolgina · Rating 4 out of 5]

As far as books on parenting neuro-spicy kids go, this one is very good. It's supportive and provides lots of actual ideas that can be put to practice and make a difference.

[Deborah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was excited to read this book but honestly it just fell flat. I was hoping for more science behind her advice and I really wanted to finish the book having a much better understanding of ADHD and especially executive function , but it was really just a glorified parenting book, and like many others, she ended up giving a lot of examples from her own life and parenting experiences and not much else.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a bad book but basically can be summed up as your kids are doing there best, try your best and don’t be hard on them. I think I wanted more.

[Shira · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful, relatable, and I like the author's own story very much. I think the book is quite well done and the hard copy is enjoyable with its shading / etc.
The core philosophy of a parenting manual is what tends to stick - and the "parent as coach" approach is priceless. I actually have quoted this concept in my executive coaching mastermind groups and suggested it to authors of a book I'm editing about workplace stuff. I also really find valuable the concept that kids can thrive if even one parent can achieve this "coach" relationship with the kid.

Should be noted that this book is part of a program that we participated in and have generally positive feelings about, but most of the other parents involved had older kids than ours (at least older than the one we were concerned about) and so we did not feel like we got quite as much out of it.

Downsides - 1. I am not sure how I feel about the "complex kids" label. I know the word "complex" is actually intended not to be a label but in some ways I find it more labeling than ADHD or anxiety. In my own life, I've always known I am "complex" and it's been a huge burden - but when I shifted to thinking of myself as "ADHD" instead of "complex" as an adult, it helped me tremendously. 2. I still find generally impossible to implement some of these strategies with two ADHD parents and an ADHD child (the other one probably is too) involved. e.g., there's one chapter where it basically tells you it's fine for dinner to be a circus. But what if it's NOT fine? It'd be great if I could read those words and suddenly stop feeling anxious and bombarded and miserable when my kids are doing flips over the furniture and singing loudly and interrupting everyone and eating with their hands during dinner ... but the best I could do after I read that was just avoid dinner altogether bc I hated the experience so much.

But we have made some major life changes in part so we can do a better job parenting; ask me again in a year.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fantastic resource for parents looking for a more effective approach. It reminds parents that they are not alone in their struggles, nor are they expected to be perfect, and details many helpful ways to collaborate with their children.

I know, I know...collaborate with your kids?! It’s a relatively new concept, and a valuable one. Having ownership in the process — and in themselves — can help kids more easily get on board with a plan. The ultimate goal is to raise them to be self-sufficient, but it doesn’t happen overnight, and this book very gently and clearly points out effective ways to gradually transfer control from yourself to your kids.

One of my favorite things about this book is how generous it is with both parents *and* kids. It encouraged me to be more patient with myself and my kids as we make progress, often slowly.

I have two kids, both intellectually gifted, both with anxiety, and one with ADHD. There are some tactics in this book that I’m already working on using (it aligns neatly with Ross Greene’s approach), but there are many others that were new to me. And they’re such simple-seeming ideas that I was shocked. “Of course!” I thought. “That makes perfect sense. How have I not tried that yet?!”

I am grateful to the author for sharing her expertise in such a welcoming, encouraging manner. I am so thankful for this book.

Note: I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads’s Giveaways program.

[Monica Bose · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids contains excellent support for parents of all types of kids -- let's face it, most kids and parents have challenges. I found it very readable and full of important, practical advice. For example, she masterfully articulates the cycle that many parents and children get into -- children not meeting parental expectations of chores, neatness, politeness, etc. and parents criticizing, but children not improving and getting upset and more withdrawn. The book provides tangible strategies for breaking this cycle and moving toward positivity and making our kids more independent. The book also explains why with many kids punishment or rewards don't work, and provides alternative methods for managing and helping kids and parents who are struggling. There is also useful explanation of how our brains work to trigger certain reactions, and steps we can take to disarm those triggers. The book very effectively helps reframe the negative cycles we get into in our parenting. The organization of the book makes it easy to pick up and glean useful tips even if you don't have a lot of time. I would highly recommend this well-written and accessible book to all parents, and especially those facing challenges. It's an incredible new resource that should be shared widely.

[Mary Richey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will truly be an essential guide for parents raising complex kids because it is full of practical knowledge and useful strategies that parents can put to use right away. It is written with honesty about the author's own parenting struggles, humor to keep the reader interested, and a passion to assist parents on their journey. She addresses challenges parents often experience in motivating their children, managing and changing behaviors, understanding developmental delays and holding their children accountable. She uses a "coach approach" to help parents respond with intention rather than reacting out of desperation. I received a review copy and read it from cover to cover. It is a book parents will refer to over and over as they learn to help their children meet challenges and develop their strengths. I can honestly say it is one of the most helpful parenting books I have read and one that will become invaluable to parents.

[Katilipops · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self help books are tricky to review, I think. Would I think this was as awesome if I had more to compare it to? For now, I don't know; so for now, I'll say this was fantastic. I went into it thinking about one kid, but more often ended up thinking of another, so its a lot to process in an abstract sense... but i found it very clear, readable and helpful. It centers on kindness to the parent... and that slow and steady progress will be more effective than aiming for perfection. Try, adjust, try again. If you find what works, use that strategy elsewhere. All these relatable, and reasonable, steps to take - all with the undercurrent of empathy, understanding and compassion for how HARD parenting is. Focus on the end goal, but be realistic in how to get there. I feel like i will be coming back to this one in the future for inspiration.

[Edna · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a treasure. Read this book and reread it -- mark it up and grow with it.

The book is easy to read. It is straightforward and has many clear ideas, concrete suggestions, and useful language that I keep underlining and copying down to remember. Yet the “The Essential Guide” doesn’t oversimplify or water down its valuable content. The book reads like distilled deep wisdom.
Elaine writes with a clear and comfortable tone. She gets it -- what it’s like to care about complex kids, and at the same time, to be completely flabbergasted, stuck, and overwhelmed by how to help. Well organized to be accessible for skimming, deep reading, or cherry-picking, her book is extremely user-friendly and worth your time.

I picked this up because I am a middle school teacher, and I’m trying to get better at guiding each and every one of my students. In particular, that kid that earnestly promises to do their homework, and never does; the other who loves the class conversations and adds high-level commentary but cannot find a pencil; the one who is consistently under valuing their own confidence. I have come to realize that so many of these students are the ones with diagnosed learning issues -- or the ones that us teachers talk about as “that kid should have a diagnosis…”. I picked up this book to find out how to help these complex kids. What I got was so much more -- a roadmap for how to further my own personal growth, as a teacher and as a parent and even (dare I say it) as just me. I can only imagine that this book could be revolutionary for a parent who feels overwhelmed with parenting their own complex kid.

Through it all, it feels like someone is sitting next to you, listening deeply to you, understanding your feelings of concern, overwhelm, fear, and frustration, because Elaine has been there. She tells you just enough of her story to let you know she is genuine (and herself a work in progress), but not so much that the book becomes her story.

The goal is to help parents help their kids learn to manage their issues. Elaine uses what she calls a “coach approach” to raising complex kids, which is, frankly, a beautiful way to approach oneself and every human and human challenge. I can imagine the overwhelmed parent exhaling with relief at various points in this book -- “I can do this”. I know that when I am feeling overwhelmed, I will return to this book for that relief.

I’m taking from this book so many ways to reframe and manage my own tensions as a teacher, and strategies for specific kids in my classroom. I’m sobered by Elaine’s advice to focus on relationships over tasks, and her convincing discussion of why (and how!) to do this.

I am certainly going to look for the strengths of each and every student - and especially the ones who I find myself reflexively pigeonholing as troubled or classroom problems. I’m going to try to reframe my “Why does he ___?” to “Is it naughty or neurological?” (What a gem of a question!!) And I know I will return to the “Questions for Self-Discovery” that are at the end of each chapter, as a way of reminding myself of the important Big Ideas in this book. And, frankly, I’ll use these to remember the Big Ideas when it comes to being the person I want to become.

I’m ordering copies for a few friends. And I’ll pass along this book to so many parents and colleagues when I head to a new classroom teaching job this fall.

[Mary Eschen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read book for parents with complex kids! The format is easy to follow and has wonderfully practical and helpful approaches that can work wonders for any parent struggling to understand and work with their kids who have ADHD, anxiety, dyslexia, and any sort of executive function issues. Families are given tools to help understand and reframe what's happening in their homes with positive approaches to move through the four phases of parenting so that, in the end, we have high functioning adult children who have the confidence to move ahead with any challenges that life throws their way.

This book is actually wonderful in explaining the Coach Approach to parenting to any family. It's an excellent resource!

[Addie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short and sweet (finally a not-too-long parenting book!) I thought this was helpful for advocating against controlling *any* neurodivergent person, not just kids. Good, easy read. Inherently about teaming up with kids and deciding not to manipulate them to fit into the (made up, limited) structures of the world. Like all books written without an empirical evidence base, but one based on a family's experience, I'd like to know the (now adult) kid's perspective on how they think things went down.

Especially helpful ideas:
-naughty versus neurological
-“rock star behavior”
-consequences versus punishment
-asking versus telling

Edit: I just realized the audiobook is read by one of the adult children. That seems like a good kid-endorsement to me! Makes me like the book even more. 😌

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars ⭐️

Decent info in here that was easy for parents to read and understand. One thing I didn’t like was that the author was implying that nothing will help complex kids except what you do at home. What the PARENTS do. No therapies. No meds. Just everything on the backs of parents. One more thing to have mom guilt over.

Many of the strategies are about collaborating with your child, which is also what Ross Greene pushes for, who this author quoted many times. The problem with collaboration is that it does not work for kids with PDA/ODD/DMDD. My kid would/has had a meltdown with me simply asking to sit down with him and come up with solutions. It just isn’t practical for a lot of kids.

[Caleb Abel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe 5 stars is a slight overscore, but I got more from this than many other far more popular books on the same subject. I was really surprised to see how few reviews it has on here so I'm happy to give it a boost.

I appreciated the personal examples from the authors own life that didn't feel unbelievably perfect in a way that feels impossible to replicate. Many of the other books on this subject that I've read felt almost robotic in their methods and responses in a way that seemed unrelatable if not full-on unbelievable. This one did not.

Every example given here felt less like an unachievable fairy tale and more like a realistic goal.

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started reading this hoping for the magic solution, which was naive at best. But it did give me some good insight into ADHD. And while I didn’t finish it (someone put it on hold at the library and I must return it), it may be one I want to buy simply for the fact that it is the first parenting book I’ve read where I didn’t feel like a complete loser. It was supremely validating, and some of the concepts I’ve already started using in our day to day (naughty or neurological). I think I’d like to read it slower, and with a highlighter.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My blood childern are young adults but my camp students are young. I recognize them each as complex and want to treat them each in the best way according to their unique tallents and needs. This book was not around when I was seeking guidence for my own babies or school aged childern who faced challenges whi we now recognize are rooted in ADHD, anxiety and more... but I'm hoping this book can give me tools to help me love my twentyish year old blood childern and those younger childern I interact with at the camp where I volunteer.

[Ashley Wells · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone raising complex kids, this book offered several helpful ideas for me as their parent. From the beginning though, I appreciated the perspective of the author. Not only is she a professional serving complex kids, she herself has attention and learning struggles and is a parent of a complex kid. Although there is information shared from her professional experience, a lot of it is information shared from her own personal journey. This made the book less like a "do this" and more like a fellow mom just sharing her hard-earned wisdom.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read several parenting books and books about ADHD, and started but never finished more.
This one is really good and concise with lots of good ideas and explanations for why so many things that I've tried haven't worked.
Now I have to go start The Explosive Child again, since my daughter is older now and I understand more about collaborative problem solving.
I went to the recommended books section of the author's website and there are many many other books I want to read or try again now.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A new favorite parenting/homeschooling book. Great read for any parent of kids with dyslexia, ADHD, etc. Wish I'd read it years ago. Well-presented (and easy to adopt) ideas on re-framing and taking things a step at a time. Highly recommend this. I eye-read this and listened to parts. The audiobook is well read and also recommended.

I first heard of this author on a YouTube interview with How to ADHD. I also recommend that interview.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was so insightful and both cathartic to read and also just a gave me just a smidge of despair if I'm being honest. It's all just a little overwhelming but this book did it's best to help. I do wish there was more about what to do and say to your child, instead of only understanding the disorder. Of course the latter is the most important but now I need ways to implement strategies to help him.

[Candace · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's about parenting from a coaching perspective, which is how the book is written, in turn - to coach and cheer the parents.

I don't think this was a good fit for me, mostly due to tone and feels like it's similar to other parenting books I've read. How to Talk and Listen to Kids is a better instructional guide, for example, than this book.

This also felt more geared to ADHD, Anxiety, and less for the "and more" diagnoses.

[Cadie Holmes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a little deflated reading this - it wasn’t as in depth as I thought it would be. However, it would have been really really helpful a few years ago on my journey. This is the book you should read when you realize something else is going on with your kid, when ‘normal’ parenting advice does nothing or makes things worse, or when you first get a diagnosis for your kid. The main takeaway was let go of how things ‘should’ go and embrace your kid’s own pace and give support where you can.

[Beth]

Hard to rate, since I’m not a parent and it’s most closely related to parent experience. I found it very interesting, and many of the tips and stories helpful, with a compassionate tone for both adults and kids. Some diet culture stuff (“like you reward yourself for going to the gym or skipping dessert”) that takes away from the message, in my opinion.

[Morgan Galle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really solid book, transfers well to teaching, but primarily for parents looking for how best to support their kids with needs that differ from the neurotypical. Nothing was mind-blowingly new, which I think is good, because the author wasn't looking to reinvent the wheel, but was instead organizing solid, well-established research into useful chunks that parents could implement.

[Lesley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple and straightforward. Doesn’t break new ground but 1) explains clearly and directly, 2) reminds parents to put the relationship first, build on strengths, adjust expectations, expect neurodiverse need longer to mature (3-5 years), use natural consequences, plan together instead of for with older kids, and practice self care as parents, because the road is long.