Don't Be A F*cking Dick: Leadership for Vibrant Communities

by Howie Milstein

Howie Milstein has had enough. After many years participating with a multitude of communities, such as corporations, non-profit organizations, boards of directors, and bowling teams, he’s finally mustered up the nerve to address the enormous elephant in the room. When leaders are dicks, the community is unhealthy, stakeholders are disengaged, and outcomes are marginal. In DBAFD, Milstein asserts that it’s incumbent upon leadership to promote and model strong, meaningful relationships throughout the community. At the basis of all relationships is trust, and while trust can be built through competency, reliability, and intimacy, it is easily destroyed when leaders’ raging egos are manifest too much of the time. While the author is permanently imbued with irreverence and utter distaste for conventional thinking, DBAFD strikes a balance between the lighthearted perspective that helps people swallow the sometimes bitter pill of self-awareness, and the serious message that we all abut, and occasionally cross, the line of being a dick. Not meant to be an exhaustive tome on emotional intelligence, leadership, and the art of seizing conscious control of natural impulses, DBAFD makes a concise, compelling case for treating others with respect and dignity. The book is perfectly suited to anyone in a leadership role, without regard to whether they possess a formal leadership title. In other words, it’s for everybody. And it makes a perfect gift for those leaders you want to send a clear message to!

107 pages, Paperback

Published October 3, 2019

About the author

Howie Milstein decided early in his career to question conventional thinking and seek the truth that is rooted in unbiased observation. As the world of medicine tries to evolve towards a system of evidence-based care, so Howie believes that it’s more meaningful to live an evidence-based life and lead evidence-based communities.

As the Twin Cities’ first personal trainer in the 1980’s, Howie found that available resources that promoted certain ways of motivating his clients did not resonate with his observations. Spawned from this curiosity to learn the bases of the human condition was a passion that guided his studies and leadership principles. These principles have been implemented in many roles since his personal training days, including over 25 years managing teams in the medical device industry, with titles including Distributor, National Sales Manager, Sr. Vice President of Sales, Chief Operating Officer, President, and The Gangster of Love (his favorite). Now re-invented as a leadership consultant, author, and career coach, his title are Vocational Irritant and Provocateur. Proudly annoying, Howie has many victims including his clients, audiences, community stakeholders, and non-profit agencies and board members.

A strong adherent to the ideas of Self Determination Theory - including the principles of autonomy, mastery and purpose - Howie learned that acquiring an understanding of motivation was only half the battle. In order to optimize culture, employee engagement, and predictable outcomes, he had to become deeply introspective and choose the best leadership style to nurture innovation, passion and growth. When he stopped taking himself so seriously, things got better. Much better.

As the CEO/Provocateur with the Institute to Stop Taking Yourself So Seriously!, Howie’s message is that, while there are myriad options to attempt cultural change in organizations, perhaps the only thing is for individuals to seriously manage their egos. Jobs and careers aren’t just for economic sustenance, rather they are a means to access and contribute to healthy communities where individuals are emotionally bolstered, challenged, and valued.

Howie takes a lighthearted approach to life and brings that to his writing and speaking style. He encourages questions and spirited discussions that challenge dysfunctional paradigms, to which he has developed a serious allergy. Believing that change is not possible without discomfort, Howie ensures that those in his sphere will never have so much fun while being encouraged to step outside their comfort zones.

Howie holds degrees in biochemistry and exercise physiology, as well as certifications in Intrinsic Coaching (Totally Coached/Intrinsic Solutions International) and as a Job and Career Transition Coach. He has a wife and three adult children with minds of their own. Residing in Plymouth, Minnesota, Howie likes to golf, garden, motorcycle, and keep himself in reasonable physical (and mental) condition. He is a strong advocate for community and has held many non-profit volunteer leadership positions. He is addicted to entrepreneurism and new ideas, which drives his wife and friends crazy.

Reviews

[Devon · Rating 1 out of 5]

An absolute waste of time - you won’t ever get this hour plus back! I chose this book because I was intrigued by the subtitle about leadership for vibrant communities. As a community leader and activist, I was excited. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that this book is A) targeted to business executives with an inability to process human empathy, B) does not contain a single unique thought or cohesive argument by the author (quite literally the entire book is snippets of irrelevant facts openly stolen from actual thinkers, researchers, and writers), and C) is entirely directed to the singular “leader” and how they as an individual should act in order to get people to like them. as opposed to about community itself and how to build meaningful relationships that foster diverse and vibrant communities. Further, the author comes across as the very thing he is arguing against - frankly, a dick. He reads as a misogynistic, egotistical, man-splaining braggart whose only goal is to sell more of his book and it’s associated swag and courses through his laughable leadership institute. Further, he clearly states himself that he has no training or authority in the areas he is advising on. The author frequently uses other people’s ideas to make himself sound smarter than he really is and the advice comes across as wither wildly obvious to anyone with a shred of humanity or as so surface level that it is utterly frivolous. He seeks to present himself as an educated leader, but to anyone with a half decent education, he comes across as a fraudulent snake oil salesman. In other words, if you enjoy reading self congratulatory LinkedIn posts, this book is for you! Further still, he spends a good half of the book verbally assaulting the reader and ends the book by saying that if you don’t like what he has to say, it’s because you, the reader, are the problem and “fuck you.” I beg of you to save your time and money from this utter hogwash nonsense. If you truly value and desire to build vibrant community, read anything else.

[Allison ༻hikes the bookwoods༺ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mistakenly picked this one up thinking it was about community leadership, but no, it’s just a plain old leadership book with foul language in the title. 🤣

[Cj Rey · Rating 4 out of 5]

An odd little encapsulation of some pretty obvious stuff… that is clearly not so obvious to everyone…since I think we’ve all worked with a f#cking dick or two…or 11.

This short book was worth read for the reminder: DBAFD.