Las intermitencias del deseo: sobre la verdad, la bisexualidad y el deseo

by Michael Amherst

Part essay, part memoir, part love letter, Go the Way Your Blood Beats asks us to see desire and sexuality as analogous with art - a mysterious, creative force, and one that remakes us in the act itself.

Using bisexuality as a frame, Go the Way Your Blood Beats questions the division of sexuality into straight and gay, in a timely exploration of the complex histories and psychologies of human desire.

A challenge to the idea that sexuality can either ever be fully known or neatly categorized, it is a meditation on desire’s unknowability. Interwoven with anonymous addresses to past loves - the sex of whom remain obscure - the book demonstrates the universalism of desire, while at the same time the particularity of each individual act of desiring.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Bisexual, Queer Lit, Biography, Audiobook

143 pages, Paperback

Published September 1, 2019

Reviews

[Alex Sarll]

An essay (with autobiographical elements) on bisexuality, in which I don't think I disagreed with a single thing, but which also didn't really tell me anything new. Still, it could profitably be read by all the gatekeepers - activist or journalist, gay or straight - who persist in erasing what Amherst reminds us is by far the most common queer identity. I liked the way in which the various intellectually incoherent, not to mention bloody rude, attempts to claim bisexuals as 'really' gay or straight are expanded into a wider point about critics assuming bad faith more generally; Amherst also notes how even supposed radicals, by assuming that bi men are gays in denial and bi women are pandering, support profoundly reactionary norms. So yeah, maybe it didn't offer quite so many new avenues as Marjorie Garber's Vice Versa - which on the one hand is considerably longer, but on the other is 20 years old. But I do - terrifyingly - qualify as a 'bisexual elder' these days, so I'm not really the audience that needs this. As a small contribution to erasing binaries instead of bisexuals in the wider culture, it is to be welcomed.

(Netgalley ARC)

[Kenneth Wade · Rating 3 out of 5]

“...that because he’s gentle and softly-spoken people have asked if he is gay. And what an indictment this seems against heterosexual men. Or society. That for a man to be kind and gentle to women means he can’t desire them.”

This long, somewhat formless essay contains a lot of good information but would benefit greatly from less repetition and more organization. It meanders a bit too much for my liking, but it did make me think about sexuality and labels more complexly.

3 out of 5 stars

[Markus · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I do disagree with the author on integration and dislike his post-radicalism, this book had so much in which I recognized myself and so much which I had subconsciously felt before, but never articulated. It gave me a strong sense of truth in a way.

[Ashley Y · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a bad book. Not a good book either, but the first I’ve read of its kind. I’m actually not too sure what I think, since I appreciated the oftentimes “scientific” approach to how sexuality studies have proven certain stereotypes/biases against bisexual individuals, along with certain pop culture references and philosophical/literary references to Foucault and Baldwin. Some of the personal anecdotes that weave together with the more scientific, analytical work really landed, while others sounded quite cliche and out of place. I particularly didn’t like how the author broached on politics and religion—two important things, but I believe, quite poorly done. For example, the author posits a non-political world, but those two things are essentially oxymorons. The world is political, the political is everywhere in the world—how, then, may this historically politicized concept become politics-less as the author implies? Rather, I think there is some shifting to do. The second point that bothered me was tying sexuality and how some project sexuality onto each other as an analogue to religious faith, as if sexuality were a type of “belief”. I felt that this comparison was not only lazy, but made many implications that perhaps the author did not mean. However, it did match with his earlier statement that we ourselves cannot necessarily prove or fully comprehend our own sexualities, much like religion. Finally, I’ll note that this is written by a PhD candidate and sounds like it, since the thoughts were complex but lacked some of the polish of a more refined analytical piece. But overall very good, interesting, and a new approach to queer narratives and research.

[Marty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have really, really mixed feelings.

On one hand:
1. The organization is confusing and distracting. There are no chapters or headings or any form of division whatsoever - it's just pages upon pages of double-spaced paragraphs; after a while, it's easy to lose track of the argument threads.
2. I feel like a lot of this book is summary or information that anyone active in the queer community would already know. There are a few spots where the author directly contradicts himself or offers an alternate definition for a term that is the opposite of its intended use.
3. There were sections that I blatantly disagreed with. The author openly admits he's uncomfortable with his bisexuality. He notes that, while he understands why some people like using labels, he argues against the practice: "To name people based on their sexuality, their race, their sexual role, reduces us to a mere attribute. It caricatures us. It is an artificial division, one that limits us and deprives us of the fullness of our human dignity. To accept such a name involves the loss of something." While I do support people who choose to go label-less, or feel that their identity defies label, it feels weird to me that a book about a specific, marginalized group of people argues so stridently against naming their identity. It's a few steps away from the whole "why do queer people need to identify themselves so loudly, we're all human after all" assimilationist rhetoric, and I don't care for it. (Again, not discriminating against individuals who don't like labels; I just don't think blanket statements are healthy.)

On the other hand:
1. My disagreements largely stem from the fact I have a different experience with bisexuality than the author. Which is bound to happen; no queer identity has seamless experiences across the board. I think it's good to engage critically with material you don't completely agree with. There was nothing dangerous or hateful in this book. Even if it wasn't for me, I can recommend it just fine.

In conclusion, I'm glad I read this. Bisexuality is really important to me, and I'm always down to read about other's experiences and thoughts. Even if I didn't love or agree with everything in here, I can't judge it too harshly. There isn't nearly enough queer lit, let alone bi lit, in the world, so I'll be content with what I've got.

[Dabiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

no puedo comentar que si lo lee julia le hago spoilers

[César · Rating 4 out of 5]

5 stars for the "part essay", 3 for the "part memoir, part love letter".
Still, very much worth the read.

[Sean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short and slightly formless, this is a bit of a strange read. Amherst's mind is associative and wide-ranging, and he invokes Baldwin, Foucault and Coetzee in his consideration of the cultural illegibility of male bisexuality. It seems important to add 'male' to the book's title here, because Amherst seems interested in the specific experience of male bisexuality as a crisis-of-self, produced by a cultural refusal to recognise and validate this identity as something other than gay.

The book becomes most forceful and engaging in its latter stages, when Amherst situates the liminality of bisexuality as troubling not only heteronormativity, but the politics of the LGBT movement. Although he is clear that the advances made by this movement are deeply important and necessary, he claims this also deepened the divide between those labelled 'gay' and 'straight', essentialising sexual preference as biological and eliminating the possibility of an in-between. The gay/straight binary is deeply alienating to many bisexuals, who are rendered non-persons in a world which insists they must choose an allegiance. Amherst's refusal to provide an account of his sexuality which is politically legible is one of the best parts of the book, and his identification of this as a homophobic demand for confession is perceptive. Ultimately, Amherst settles on making peace with the mystery of desire and the unknowability of the self.

This isn't an academic treatise, but something both more accessible and less coherent. Amherst intersperses his argument with recollections of his interactions with a male lover, and these passages resonate with a regret and longing which is moving to read. The book, like bisexuality itself, refuses generic categorisation: too long to be an essay, too short to be a monologue, too distanced to be a memoir, too personal to function as an historical account. I found this use of form intriguing but also dissatisfying. Some of the topics broached, such as the media portrayal of male celebrities 'coming out', feel a bit over-egged, whilst others, such as the mentioning of cultural moments when bisexuality has flourished, are skated over far too quickly.

As a short and associative primer on male bisexuality as a state of both transformative possibility and irresolvable unease, this is a quick and stimulating read. There are lots of references for further reading, and there is much food for thought.

[Lali · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an intense and detailed look at the way sexuality is codified and performed in current Western society. It's a very personal take, interspersed with moments of reflection on a lost love, and use of a few examples such as Tom Daley to demonstrate larger points concerning societal expectations and demands versus an individual's own understanding, declarations, and needs.

Despite occasionally referencing Julie Bindel (notably anti-trans and anti-bisexual, though these views are thankfully not replicated here) the author's arguments are well formulated, comprehensive in their referencing, and deeply thoughtful. He is even handed and compassionate in considering different angles around the idea of coming out and understanding your own identity. He examines the pressure and demands on queer people to out themselves publicly and comprehensively, and questions the purposes this serves.

I found his discussions relevant, enlightening, and vindicating. At times the language he uses can be a little dry and formal, but much of the text is more casual, and the personal asides are grounding and poignant, which helps keep the essay alive and engaging.

I will definitely be recommending this book to many people in the hope it will help combat bisexual erasure, and open people up to the idea of less restrictive and binary views of sexuality.

[Ruth Crean · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful piece of writing that blends an academic style with personal heart breaking accounts. I genuinely felt moved by both the vulnerability and intellect contained in his writing. I think the argument was made clearer by infusing what could be a dry topic with flourishes of the personal, it really adds to the weight of the book.

[Shannen]

Disclaimer: I don't rate non-fiction books.

If I must have a word, I prefer the word queer. It is an acknowledgement of my exclusion from the exclusive heterosexuality, without claiming a certainty as to where my sexuality sits amongst straight, bisexual or gay. It is an admission, while at the same time a refusal to engage in the policing of my past relationships in search of my “true” orientation.

Go the Way Your Blood Beats is a combination of memoir, research, reflection and essay that is narratively reads like a stream of consciousness from the author. and personal stories of their experiences with their partners/people they've dated over the years written from a second person perspective.

Amherst's perspective on sexuality is that attraction and desire is complex and we all experience it in different ways. A fact you'd expect to be universally acknowledged by now, but sadly not. He dissects the issues with the gay/straight binary, the reductionist nature of the way we typically define sexuality and the grey space that most (if not all) bisexual people live in regarding their sexuality. He embraces a diverse and open perspective on sexuality, and hashes out his conflicted feelings on labels. On the one hand, he feels they are restrictive and perpetuate a lot of the issues queer people experience, on the other he acknowledges the importance of labels in terms of identity formation and building community. Generally, Amherst's reflections on queerness and bisexuality were interesting and engaging, and I resonated with most of what he spoke about.

The personal stories written in second person to his partners both past and present provided interesting insight into his personal experiences as a bisexual, and supported a lot of what he was discussing elsewhere in the book about the complexity of desire and attraction. I love the choice to keep the gender of these partners anonymous, because it emphasises that their gender is redundant - as a bisexual man Amherst can form attractions to and relationships with people of multiple genders and their gender isn't the important factor. I liked the sentiment of this and it really worked for me.

There were a handful of mentions of public figures, which I would've preferred to have not been included. Whilst I appreciate that referencing celebrities can increase awareness of bisexuality or make non-bisexual readers feel more connected to bisexuality by connecting it to someone they know, it didn't serve a wider purpose. I also dislike that some of the people mentioned aren't self-proclaimed bisexuals and are assumed or inferred to be bisexual. Amherst discusses in depth the dangers of making assumptions about people's sexuality and/or relationships, yet contradicts himself by including people that have not necessarily openly identified themselves as bi. One example is Tom Daley, who has publicly stated he has attraction to men and women but that has also said he does not identify as bisexual and has later said he identifies as a gay man. Generally, I think it would've been much more powerful is Amherst had focused on his own experiences and the research, instead of bringing celebrities into the fold.

However, I do think that Amherst did a great job at portraying the sheer complexities and confusion that it is to be bisexual in a binary world. A lot of Amherst's thoughts and feelings in this book are contradictory and confused, but that in itself shows how fluid queerness can be for a lot of people, particularly those that are bisexual. Amherst believes in the right of every one to not identify or label themselves, yet also says that to not identify oneself as what they are is indicative of a rejection of community and solidarity with fellow queers and perpetuates queerphobia in all its forms. And this is one of the many nuanced topics Amherst engaged with in the book.

I particularly appreciated Amherst's experiences and perspectives on bisexuality as a bisexual man. Many of the voices and perspectives in the bi community come from women and the issues facing bisexual men can so often be overlooked. Amherst engages with the common biphobia that bi men face such as the belief that they are in fact gay but in denial and shared some of his vulnerable personal experiences with biphobia and how the intersection of his bisexuality with his gender manifests itself in a specific type of prejudice and discrimination.

Overall, I found this to be a very insightful and thought provoking read. I wouldn't recommend this book as an introductory text on bisexuality for someone that doesn't have a basic understanding of bisexuality and the issues facing bi people. That's because it reads more as a personal account from a bisexual man who is working out his own thoughts and feelings about bisexuality. It might be difficult to contextualise or relate to a lot of what is discussed for anyone that's not bisexual and especially someone that has no knowledge of bisexuality. But I think all bisexuals will see parts of themselves and their thoughts/feelings reflected somewhere in Amherst's words.

[María · Rating 3 out of 5]

Las intermitencias del deseo. Sobre la verdad, la bisexualidad y el deseo
Michael Amherst
Trad. Albert Fuentes

En este ensayo semiautobiográfico, Michael Amherst propone algo mucho más humilde y razonable de lo que promete un subtítulo tan ambicioso: la idea de que, pese a su utilidad social y política, las categorías –especialmente, aquellas que se refieren a una sexualidad binaria– no pueden ni deben definir la vida de las personas, ni exigir de ellas una justificación continua de su orientación sexual.

Amherst defiende que, aunque pueda ser así, nuestra preferencia sexual no tiene por qué ser fija desde que se despierta hasta que la muerte nos consume. Toma de Judith Butler esa negación del binarismo impuesto (hombre-mujer, heterosexual-homosexual), de una dicotomía ficcional que define nuestra sexualidad con respecto a una categoría “superior”, que se considera como la única y verdaderamente “real”, ya sea esta heterosexual, si consideramos la heteronormatividad general, u homosexual, si consideramos la comprensión de la bisexualidad como camino incierto hacia una de las otras dos opciones. Amherst aplica esta liberación categorial, fundamentalmente, a la bisexualidad, entendiendo esta como un espectro amplio y flexible, no como una orientación que deba “repartirse” o “balancearse” entre personas de uno u otro sexo. Por encima de cualquier performatividad o categorización unívoca, es nuestra individualidad la única que puede proporcionarnos una suerte de autodefinición. Si de una etiqueta se trata, afirma Amherst, quizás sea la de queer la que más se asemeja a su concepción del deseo y de la identidad.

Las intermitencias del deseo es un ensayo breve, con un estilo muy cercano, coloquial casi, y escrito en forma de un discurso continuo. Desde un punto de vista más estrictamente académico, y con la intención de ahondar más en unos argumentos que de por sí se entienden bien, creo que el autor podría haber buscado una estructura más convincente, o haber añadido un mayor número de fuentes bibliográficas para su estudio. En cualquier caso, Amherst tiene el valor de defender una tesis, que, contra la corriente imperante de la vigilancia y la idolatría de las etiquetas, subraya la importancia de construir y aceptar, en un contexto democrático, una individualidad compleja y, necesariamente, cambiante.

[Petrina Binney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Subtitled: On truth, bisexuality and desire, I had high hopes for this non-fiction book.

As a gay woman, I am very aware of how blessed my life is. Living in this time and place, my sexuality is mine and no longer some dreadful, frightening, misunderstood thing to mark me out as dangerous and other. I’m very lucky to be in my generation and not, as little as, thirty years older.

However, I think it has to be accepted that bisexuality is still rather misunderstood, and I like to think of myself as an evolved individual. I want to understand people and their feelings and I’m not stupid enough to think I understand everyone and everything by virtue of being gay.

I do understand the author’s frustration with how other people comprehend bisexuality - as greediness, as indecision, as a phase, and such like. To label someone in such a way is frankly disgusting. People are people, love is love, and that should be enough for anyone, surely?

However, the book is rather let down by the writing. Although it’s high-minded, dissertation-quality writing, it seeks to appeal to the person on the street by taking examples from television interviews and trash TV. The complexity of the language is such to make the book almost unreadable, for example:

“The hegemony of scientific materialism does not adequately express our experiential reality. As Goodman observes, ’Specialist science and its value-neutral language are an avoidance of experience, a narrow limitation of the self, and an act of bad faith.’ We know that the world we experience is more complex and mysterious than the descriptions and language given to us by positivism and empiricism.”
From page 117, Go The Way Your Blood Beats by Michael Amherst

It’s not impossible to fathom out, it’s just the language is so convoluted, arrogant in places, that it seems the author is looking down on his reader, even as his reader is giving up. Worse still, the book doesn’t really find its heart until the end and, by that time, it’s just too late.

Disappointing.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Reconocer la inestabilidad de la sexualidad binaria plantea un desafío radical frente a la heterosexualidad"

Las intermitencias del deseo es el primer libro que leo "sobre bisexualidad" y sin duda ha sido un buen comienzo por su narrativa desde lo autobiográfico. Combina notas del diario de Michael Amhearst dirigidas a amantes con reflexiones en torno a la sexualidad en un sentido amplio.
Piensa de manera transparente sobre la sexualidad en el espacio público valiéndose del tratamiento en prensa de "salidas del armario" (El nadador Thorpe, por ejemplo) y su propia experiencia con parejas del mismo sexo.
La conclusión suele ser un acercamiento ad hoc a cada uno de los casos, entendiendo que tanto la persona, el momento vital, la pareja o incluso el medio (ya sea comunicación, o el entorno donde hacer la declaración verbal o de acción que desestabilice la presunción de heterosexualidad) Precisamente por este tipo de conclusiones el libro expande sus miras más allá de la bisexualidad al plantear una sexualidad que evoluciona, que nos acompaña durante toda la vida y que precisamente por ese carácter cuestionable se enfrenta a la categoría inamovible de la heterosexualidad.
Como bola extra añadir las páginas de bibliografía (libros, artículos científicos y artículos de prensa) que me servirán para continuar explorando mi identidad sexual.

[Martha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amherst's brief text serves as a moderately useful, if limited, introduction to scholarly and political arguments about the nature and legitimacy of bisexual identify versus homosexual or gay identities. Amherst intersperses fragments of personal reflections on past romantic or sexual relationships and experiences among the theoretical discussions (including grieving reminiscences on a recently lost love). While this personal framing provides specificity, it is also limiting. For Amherst, sexuality is fluid, rather than fixed, and embraces possibilities rather than being defined by false dichotomies, yet he does not present a similarly complex discussion of gender as variable or fluid. Also, Amherst considers only briefly the health and social effects of bisexual erasure, that minority stress and rejection from both queer and straight communities result in severe health and social inequities for bi+ folks.

Side note: Amherst thankfully does not wade into the bi vs. pan label wars, which I personally find aggravating and see as destructive to our bi+ and queer communities.

[Alex Daniel · Rating 2 out of 5]

found it to ultimately be well-written but not informative. the "truth" that Amherst uses in his title here is a subjective truth, rather than an objective one. that means that the narrative of Go Your Own Way is more about his, and others, lived experiences. there's absolutely value in that approach, but ultimately it comes across as a memoir of someone making sense of their own experience rather than a book about bisexuality, desire, and truth. ultimately feels like a long-form journalistic essay blown into a semi-full-length book. would love to see interviews with other folks, or data from related studies, to inform. the book will, however, likely appeal to people who are currently confused about their own sexual identity and are looking for someone to find an empathetic connection with.

[Onofre Benlloch · Rating 5 out of 5]

M'ha agradat vore'm reflectit en moltes de les reflexions d'Amherhst. Crec que és un llibre necessari i que es disfruta llegint tot i no ser el més rigorós o ordenat (per a mi això no desmereix, sinó que senzillament enriqueix a la seua manera).

Sí li recrimine, no obstant, un llenguatge una mica massa binari per parlar de gènere. Tot i que l'autor explicita que no creu en el binarisme de gènere en algun moment del llibre, encara utilitza expressions com ara 'propi sexe' o 'sexe oposat'.

També vull afegir que no estic d'acord en la forma com l'autor aborda alguns temes com la llibertat individual per estimar o la defensa que el seu desig no hauria de ser polític. A voltes se'm fa una miqueta advocat del diable, però m'agrada que puga haver-hi gent bisexual com jo amb qui coincidisc en una de cal però després no en altra d'arena.

[Jo Bennie · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are books you read that unexpectedly expand your world, and this is what this deceptively slight volume did. My generation was the one that saw the slow often painful acceptance of homosexuality, from AIDS through the revocation of Section 28 to gay pride, so I had a good handle on heteronormativity. However, the idea of sexuality as an unfixed aulity wasn't something I'd refelcted on and this book helped me think about my experiences of sexuality and understand better my daughter's gender fluid world. Amerherst has written a book that is part relection on society's need for binary certainties, part philopsophical overview and part touching personal narrative.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

A thought provoking read which encourages us to think critically about our tendencies to assume binaries and project our own understanding of sexuality onto others. This is a deeply personal essay which reads as Amherst's exploration of his self as a bisexual man and what that means within a society that imposes rigid boundaries. At the same time it felt so deeply introspective that I finished the book feeling I knew almost nothing about Amherst's life or relationships. On reflection I think this complements Amherst's suggestion that our sexuality, as unknowable and eluding clearly defined labels, is much more complex than what has been manifested in our physical experiences.

[Ben Gilbey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will certainly come back to this book soon and write a fuller review for it. At this point I'd just like to say that if you are someone who has grown up struggling to understand yourself and not knowing how to reconcile the apparently conflicting parts of yourself, read this book. If you are at this point, like I am, still working through the experiences and memories of feeling alienated and confused about your sexuality, read this book. Michael Amherst captures so precisely forms of human experience that are so often marginalized and almost by definition, beyond any precise capture.

[Toby Katz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reached page 50. The book offered an insight into the struggles of queer identity = sexual preference that doesn’t fall into the binary categories of heterosexual or homosexual.

It didn’t really seem to develop past a couple of repeated ideas and felt extremely and monotonously repetitive.

Could be summarised by:
- don’t assume someone’s sexuality
- sexual preference doesn’t always fit into the binary
- Don’t class someone queer/bisexual as “not heterosexual” (not the same thing)

[Walter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the only book on bi/pan/fluid sexuality I've ever read that validated who I am without judgement.

An extremely important book for men or masculine-identifying people. Lesbianism and Female Bisexuality is widely more accepted (though of course not truly accepted either) so it was refreshing to read a book about the other end of the spectrum in a positive and confirming way.

[Elena Castro · Rating 2 out of 5]

Siendo como es un libro necesario, creo que tampoco aporta demasiado a quienes ya llevamos tiempo viviendo la realidad de la bisexualidad y buscamos profundizar más. Si bien podría ser interesante para personas ajenas que opinan sin saber de lo que no les atañe, tampoco creo que vayan sentirse lo suficientemente interpeladas para leerlo.

[Mar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, I don't agree with every part of this but I would recommend it to my fellow bi friends and I found it very refreshing and affirming in its approach to sexuality. There are some really beautiful personal prose parts throughout, which I loved and I'm so glad they were part of this book.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short book captures the pros and cons of labels, media and political action regarding bisexuality (and, more broadly, queerness). Amherst shines when addressing how problematic the reductionist nature of political messaging is, how it discourages complexity and fluidity. Highly recommended!

[Juniper · Rating 4 out of 5]

"So, just as my sexuality, my queerness, is in part a refusal to live in public, a refusal to answer a question, it is also an acceptance that it is a question without an answer. It is an acceptance of being in uncertainties."

[Frank Karioris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written, but I might not be the right audience. Which is to say: I agree too much with much of it already.

[EscaPe iNTo thE PaGEs · Rating 4 out of 5]

sociology and bisexuality! This book was a light read and I was drawn in by the narrator's voice and the author's interesting writing style.

[SamDojtez · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[Caroline Ross · Rating 2 out of 5]

This books needs chapters and organization.