Out and Back: A Runner's Story of Survival Against All Odds

by Hillary Allen

In 2017, world-class ultrarunner Hillary Allen was at the top of her sport--and it felt like she was running on top of the world as she competed in Norway's Troms� Skyrace. Allen was nearly halfway through the 50k race when she fell 150 feet off an exposed ridge, breaking two ribs, fracturing her back, rupturing a ligament in her foot, and breaking both wrists. Beginning with the dramatic story of her accident and rescue, Out and Back A Runner's Story of Survival and Recovery Against All Odds recounts Allen's fight to return to the life she loves.

With vulnerability that reveals remarkable strength and introspection that yields wisdom, Allen shares the story of her recovery both physically and mentally, and hard-earned knowledge that the path forward is not always linear, that healing takes time, and that the process of rediscovery is ongoing as she learns what it takes to survive--and thrive. Out and Back is an inspiration to anyone who knows what it means to reclaim and rebuild your life, one day and one step at a time.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Sports, Biography, Audiobook, Adventure, Outdoors

208 pages, Paperback

Published April 6, 2021

Reviews

[Sharondblk · Rating 2 out of 5]

This should have been a TED talk, not a 6 hour long book.

It's repetitive, not told in any particular order that I could work out and full of general statements, rather than stories about Hillary's life.

[Caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

this was honestly just poorly written. seemed very superficial and full of cliches given how great this story was - Hillary is incredible, but i’d rather watch her run than read the book

[Merissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a trail/ultra runner I expected to really enjoy this book but was sorely disappointed. Mostly a monologue of Hillary’s inner pep-talking. I admire her strength and perseverance to come back from such a horrific event and injuries and think she is an amazing person and runner, just didn’t really like her writing.

[Hannah H. · Rating 2 out of 5]

No doubt about it: Hillary Allen is an intrepid, tough-as-nails woman. But she's not a gifted writer.

I write that with great regret because I love comeback stories and I am tremendous advocate writing and endeavoring to be a writer. Plus, it just feels bad to slam a book that portrays such grit and victory.

But those qualities can't quell the truth: this book was about 70 pages too long.

While it focuses on Hillary's astounding survival from a potentially fatal fall from a cliff during an ultra in Europe, "Out and Back" flits between injury and childhood, hinting at deeper themes—like belonging, an eating disorder, and singleness—only to bypass for trite sayings and positive affirmations. The chapters are bogged down with vague encourages to "believe," yet no foundation of belief is given; each paragraph is littered with cliches about bravery and happiness. That makes for a great hallmark card, but a very repetitive, boring, and surface-level book.

I wish Hillary great continued success as an athlete and motivational speaker, and O hope she gains further skill as a writer in the process. A well-told rendition of her story would be incredibly appealing!

[Megan Mannering · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. This book was a disappointment. Hillary does have a cool story. But it wasn’t a book. Too many cliches. And some things that made me mad. She referred to being independent and opinionated as “masculine” traits. Also she went to Coe College which is D3 and doesn’t offer athletic scholarships! So that made me somewhat annoyed! Funny that she doesn’t ever mention her undergraduate school. Overall, hard to finish and a disappointment

[Lisa Winter · Rating 1 out of 5]

This could have been an interesting one to two page article.

[Martha☀ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Allen is an amazing runner with a stunning story of injury, recovery and return to the top of her field. With her devastating fall happening within the opening pages, there was no doubt that this book is all about the rebuild of her physical and mental abilities and the roller-coaster route that it takes.

But the book falls in the vacant land between athlete biography and self-help mantra.

In the first half, she recounts her story chronologically, albeit with some lightning fast recovery bits. She wakes up in the hospital, has to learn to scoot and then walk again, has to figure out who she is if she isn't a runner any more and many other recovery hurdles. She talks about the people who made a significant impact on her recovery.

But the second half became a sort of rambling list of all the sayings she was told during therapy.
In one breath, she would go on about how she was relearning how to love running just for the sake of movement and being immersed in nature. And in the next sentence she would talk about finishing on the podium or how she was racing for 5th place.
She was able to repeat the therapy mantras but she did not put them into practice. Including her race resume on the back page is simple proof that she is not walking her talk.

At one point, she comments that the word 'competition' is marked and usually used as a negative trait. I wish Allen had used this book as an opportunity to embrace her love of competition and show how it has been a key motivator for her in her recovery, rather than pretending that she is over it.

[Sedona McNerney · Rating 5 out of 5]

On a spree of reading all the latest books by professional female runners…this one is a must!

[Hannah Beilke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Hillary on social media for quite some time (pre injury). Loved learning more about her as a runner, her experiences both tragic and inspiring, and gaining perspective and motivation. We can do hard things and she has proved it time and time again. Lots to relate to.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hillary’s story of survival and recovery from a life-threatening accident was extraordinary. I felt like the book lost momentum until the final 1/3. The emotions will ring quite true to endurance athletes who’ve had injuries.

[Olivia Snell · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some really beautiful quotes and chapters in this book, but also times where the chronology seemed confusing or like I was reading the same sentences over again.

Still enjoyed learning about skyrunning and Hillary’s inspiring journey of self-growth as an athlete. What an incredible human!

[Hailey Van Dyk · Rating 1 out of 5]

So painful to get though. Littered with ego, repetition and inconsistency. there was no story line here just a bunch of sentences, (often the same one just written different) poorly written. Sorry Hillary.. try again.

[Will Alpine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of humblebragging. Some useful insights for those recovering from insights.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hillary Allen is a class-A badass. The memoir wasn't especially engaging but it was inspiring to learn about her story.

[Cayla Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm an avid cyclist and love to race my bike, but in 2021 I was hit by a car while riding. Despite all the support of those around me, it was an incredibly isolated, introspective time full of grief and forced-slowness. I wish somebody had recommended this book to me sooner so I could have had the companionship a book like this provides. If you know somebody going through the recovery process of a traumatic injury, I highly recommend you show your support by gifting them this book. Allen elucidates all of the feelings I encountered but was unable to voice.

[Alisha Wielfaert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing!!! I LOVED hearing Hillary's story. This book touched me and inspired me.

[Rachel Lang · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another book I listened to while running. Funny she was talking about running in the wilderness always needing to be aware of your surroundings even on runs that you are very familiar with because it’s never the same and then low and behold I get the eebies scared out of me by a biker because I was focused on her not my surroundings!

Anyway, Hillary Allen is an impressive sky runner that you can follow on Strava right now current day. She had a massive injury and this is her story of healing and getting back to the sport she loves. Its hard to rate someone’s story, but although I grew used to it, I did not give it 5 stars because the timeline did get confusing and I did not understand which races were after which injuries, but I kind of let that go and just listened to her story and enjoyed.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was extremely cathartic and timely for me as I head into 8 months away from running and moving in the mountains due to injury and multiple surgeries. I finished this and immediately wanted to pick it up again. If I wasn't going through what I am, I'm not sure if this book would have resonated so deeply - but in my current experience, I was beside myself in knowing that the grief, uncertainty and allll of the emotions and highs and lows I have been through were not unique to me. She put words to things I have felt that I did not know there were words for - that I did not know how to explain - and she voiced these things perfectly, and eloquently. I have no doubt this book will mean so much to so many people who might have once felt alone, and who have felt there might not be a chance to find the things they love again. I have so much gratitude for Hillary sharing her raw experience.

[Hailey Cassidy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredible memoir about survival and coming back stronger after traumatic events and injury. Hillary Allen is incredible and I can’t imagine going through what she went through and coming back to running at a high level so quickly. I wish the story had been told a bit more chronological so some of the timeline of events would have been easier to follow.

One thing she wrote that really resonated with me “Just because I didn’t get everything done on my to-do list, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure or undeserving of patience, grace, and a little forgiveness.”

- Out and Back, p. 102

[Cinthia Ritchie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book, even though I found some of it repetitious and, face it, Hillary Allen isn't exactly a literary writer, nor does she profess to be such. She's simply herself, and that's what makes this such a refreshing read.
Allen, an elite ultrarunner, suffers a traumatic and life-altering fall while competing in a competitive skyrace in Norway. She basically falls off the side of a mountain, her body slamming against rock over and over, before coming to rest in a snowfield. That she survives is miraculous. Her recovery back to running is even more so.
Allen takes us through the pain and discouragement, the hopes and failures, the grappling with confidence in such an intimate way I felt as if I were there, right beside her. Her best writing is when she allows the reader to see her vulnerabilities, and she does this well in the beginning, when she talks about her accident and recovery, and the ending, when she takes readers through some of her first mountain ultra races, and her almost paralyzing fears, her tears, her struggles.
The middle of the book, however, threatens to fall into self-help dogma at times and I found myself skimming these sections. Still, Allen has a lot of important things to say, and she doesn't shy away from difficult subjects such as her struggles with body image and an earlier eating disorder.
This is an imperfect book written by a woman with enough confidence to reveal her own imperfections, which means that in another way, it's an almost perfect book (if that makes sense).
Though I've followed Allen's running accomplishments for years, I totally fell in love with her while reading this. I wanted to send her a tweet and say, "Please be my running buddy, even though you are way, way, way faster than I'll ever be." It's that kind of book, one that gets under your skin and lodges there. I found myself crying numerous times while reading, another big plus.
I highly recommend this to runners, adventurers or anyone who has the courage to follow their dreams, wherever they may take them.

[Louise Peterson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. Another reflective memoir. I was really disappointed in this book because she’s got a good story! She’s an impressive athlete & scientist. Plus, her recovery is remarkable. So my questions:

1, why was it so poorly written? Simple, clunky, boring, no fluid theme. The writing was straight up difficult to get past.

2, why was the content was so fluffy? She just rambled her thoughts about herself. Where was the character building around the people who helped her? Who is her coach? Who are her parents? How did she really get into running? What did her training look like after recovery? Who does she consider to be her competition? What is sky running really? What are the distances typically? How is that different from ultra running?

I really like what I know about Hillary from podcasts and social media. This book, however, came across as a self-indulgent exercise recommended by her agent. I wish she had spent more time with it, so I could walk away learning something about her.

Okay. Rant over.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read most of this while in the ER/hospital/doctors offices, which I thought was fitting. It would have made for an ok magazine article or long read, but there’s a lot of hollow filler to make this into a book. I think it falls into an all too common mistake, people write a memoir of success or overcoming an adversity way too soon afterwards. The stories and lessons can be more meaningful with more life experience and perspective.

[Louise · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit fluffy, meandering and long. At one point it turns into an ED memoir. It's quite repetitive and it needed better editing.

I think brevity would have worked better here and this story suits a shorter format such as a podcast episode, especially if the author prefers not to share a lot of key details.

[Wysteria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Half memoir, half self-help seminar/pep talk.
I like books where people explore the “whys” of what they do. This book definitely goes there, but she also touches on the negative traits too. The negative thoughts and the self-doubt and the disbelief.

[Evon Harmon · Rating 2 out of 5]

This woman is clearly a badass but she is too much so, to her own detriment.... Book is so cliche and basic. Almost written like a children's book. This lady needed a ghost writer or perhaps should've written a long article in runners world or something

[Molly Wynen · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF. Hillary has such a great comeback story but it is not told in an enjoyable way. She very factually writes about her experience and the conclusions she came to based on those experiences.

[earthshattering · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm unsure about how to rate this book, on the one hand, it was very interesting psychologically, but on the other hand, the writing is too plain and the pacing, especially through the first half of the book, is slow.

She wanders off into vague statements:

"In order to achieve something, there is no attainment. It's gone the moment you reach achievement."

Huh? A lot of the writing, especially when she waxes poetic about her love for nature or running, shows that she has a difficult time expressing herself clearly. She also gives insight into her opinion of others:

"I visualized myself slaying all the bitches on the trail. (Yes, I say this to myself when I'm racing - an altered competitive ego that wants to slay all the ladies out there. I love them, my competitors; they're strong women who absolutely crush. But on the trail, during a race, I want to beat, nay, crush every single on of them. "Slay all the bitches" - said with love , of course."

This statement, much like Hamperokken Ridge for Hillary, makes me uneasy. That is a pretty strange way to talk to yourself and others, and appears demeaning and gross. She mentions that her personality is strong and competitive, and this has caused her some trouble in her life, perhaps because of self-talk like the example above. Like I said, psychologically, this is an interesting book.

She tells us about her race placements post-recovery when she places well, but not when she doesn't. She includes a resume of her race history at the end of the book. Throughout, she discusses personal challenges with separating herself from her accomplishments and love for running, and it's pretty clear that it was never resolved, at least not by the end of the book.

I liked what she had to say about recovery, that she needed to pick her recovery tools back up when she got re-injured after her big accident, and that it wasn't easy the second time, but she could count on her past recovery experience. I also like that she closed the loop on the Hamperokken Ridge and went back to look at the scene of the accident. The internal push and pull between listening to protective intuition and listening to fear is very interesting and something that probably happens to everyone.

I have been wanting to read this book for a long time, and I'm glad I did. I don't think it's a complete enough story. It's a glimpse into an accident, and into someone's mind.

[Ellis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the issues weren't really the author's fault: The story needed a more appropriate format and a much better editor. It should have been a long-read magazine article, not a whole book. The repetitions should have been cut, and the structure should have been rejigged. Clearly, Hillary is a runner/scientist not a pro writer, so these issues are on the publisher IMO.

But some of the issues were definitely on Hillary...

Her story seems to be about how someone can make an amazing recovery when they have a great support network and loads of resources: helpful family and friends, sponsors sparing no expense, top healthcare with no waiting lists, specialist rehab and counselling, etc. For this reason, the subtitle bugs me: her survival wasn't 'against all odds'. She had everything possible to aid her recovery. (To be clear, this is wonderful, and I wish everyone had all this - I don't begrudge Hillary being this fortunate!)

The problem is that Hillary keeps crediting her recovery to her own mindset/grit/strength/determination/bravery instead, over and over again. I kept waiting for her to acknowledge that it was mostly the people around her and excellent medical care that saved her life and career - she didn't do it all herself! Occasionally she makes passing comments recognising their impact (and it's covered more in the acknowledgements section like an afterthought), but she never considers her material conditions, and 99% of the book is just her praising herself. And bizarrely she says she is 'habitually self-depreciating' - that didn't come across!

This is summed up at the very end (before the strange epilogue, which should have been integrated into previous sections): Hillary finishes a race with the support of family and friends, looks at the crowd of supporters and volunteers, and thanks... herself.

It would have been possible to tell the story of Hillary's undoubted personal strength while showing some humility and recognition for her support network and privileges. Sadly, this telling of the story just got rather annoying instead.

There is so much more grumbling I could do, but I feel a bit mean (sorry!) so I'll stop. I wish Hillary all the best with her fantastic running career. Despite all my complaints about the book, I'm still a fan of her running!

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to say, as a runner, I’m intrigued by distance and tricky terrain, but sky racing is waaaay beyond me. This book caught my attention bc it’s something I’d never do and I stand in some awe of anyone who does it…that being “sky racing”. Hillary Allan was at the top of her sport when what is described as a horrific and near life-ending 150’ fall off a sheer, exposed ridge while racing a 50k sky race in Norway came close to ending her life. I admire this woman, Hillygoat as she’s known, as I’ve followed her athletic endeavors over the years and have stood in awe of her. I mourned her halting injuries and struggling recovery. But after the telling of the accident I got pretty bored reading repetitive explanations and accounts of the healing and recovering process, her repeated introspections and justifications. Some editing support would have gone a long way in keeping this a book one does not want to put down.

[Steve · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm normally not into biography type books, but this one was an exception because of my curiosity. I've recently started challenging myself with more technical and steeper trail runs and a running buddy mentioned hearing Hillary's story. I won't say this book changed my life or anything over the top like that but it was really interesting to me to hear the background of a world class runner, mostly in that she didn't set out initially to be one. Obviously the story of her fall and then a comeback to the sport is inspiring and interesting all in its own and definitely gives runners like me who are newbies some encouragement and perspective as we face the bumps, bruises, and minor setbacks that might otherwise lead some to call it quits. Even if you are not a runner, this is an easy read and just a plain good happy story.