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The Grid Pt. 2: Lessons from the Men of Grindr
The Lessons from the Men of Grindr is a biographical, infotainment-themed exploration of the impacts that Grindr (a gay dating app) has had on a generation of queer people. Part two of this series can be read independently, although it briefly connects the dots on a relationship discussed in part one. Author Lex, Esq. is an attorney and LGBTQ+ blogger. In the book, he revisits three of his early Grindr relationships in order to extract lessons and understand how dating apps had slowly ruined him. Far from dating tips, The Grid pulls from Lex’s personal mistakes to critically examine gay dating themes. Part two covers themes first experiences, PDA, bisexuality, reciprocation, rejection, racism, body and fem-shaming, coming out, friend zoning, age differences, blocking, nudes, social media’s impact on relationships, the residual impacts of Grindr, and more. The Grid pulls numerous lessons from these themes in an attempt to create a better informed and less soul-crushing gay dating experience. Lex, Esq. and his blogs can be followed @theproblemgays on Instagram and www.theproblemgays.com.
172 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 11, 2019
7 people are currently reading
13 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
January 31, 2025
If you’ve spent any time navigating the chaotic, thrilling, and sometimes soul-crushing world of Grindr, The Grid Pt. 2 by Lex Esq. will hit home. It adds to his original version in this series, It’s not just a collection of messy dating app encounters. It’s a mirror held up to modern gay hookup culture, reflecting back our desires, insecurities, and the unspoken rules that shape the way we connect (or fail to).
Lex takes us through three of his formative Grindr relationships, unpacking what they taught him about love, rejection, so called intimacy, and the ways these apps shape queer identity. It’s part memoir, part life-coaching session, but what makes it work is that it’s brutally honest. He doesn’t sugarcoat the loneliness, the racism, the body-shaming, or the transactional nature of these interactions. But he also doesn’t dismiss the value of these experiences, because, let’s be real, for many of us, Grindr is our introduction to dating, sex, and queer community.
One of the strongest points of the book is its ability to acknowledge the double edged sword of hookup culture. On one hand, there’s empowerment in taking control of your sexuality, finding like minded people, and enjoying the thrill of new experiences. On the other, there’s ghosting, rejection, the endless search for validation, and the realization that many of these encounters leave us feeling emptier than before. Lex dissects all of this with a mix of humor and self-awareness, making you feel like you’re having a deep, slightly tipsy conversation with a friend who’s been through it all.
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone, debating whether to unblock that guy, or feeling like you need a detox from Grindr but also craving the validation it gives, this book will resonate. The Grid Pt. 2 isn’t about demonizing apps like Grindr. It’s about understanding them, learning from our experiences, and hopefully, making better choices.
Lex takes us through three of his formative Grindr relationships, unpacking what they taught him about love, rejection, so called intimacy, and the ways these apps shape queer identity. It’s part memoir, part life-coaching session, but what makes it work is that it’s brutally honest. He doesn’t sugarcoat the loneliness, the racism, the body-shaming, or the transactional nature of these interactions. But he also doesn’t dismiss the value of these experiences, because, let’s be real, for many of us, Grindr is our introduction to dating, sex, and queer community.
One of the strongest points of the book is its ability to acknowledge the double edged sword of hookup culture. On one hand, there’s empowerment in taking control of your sexuality, finding like minded people, and enjoying the thrill of new experiences. On the other, there’s ghosting, rejection, the endless search for validation, and the realization that many of these encounters leave us feeling emptier than before. Lex dissects all of this with a mix of humor and self-awareness, making you feel like you’re having a deep, slightly tipsy conversation with a friend who’s been through it all.
If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your phone, debating whether to unblock that guy, or feeling like you need a detox from Grindr but also craving the validation it gives, this book will resonate. The Grid Pt. 2 isn’t about demonizing apps like Grindr. It’s about understanding them, learning from our experiences, and hopefully, making better choices.
September 3, 2020
Sincere stories, and critic of social apps
I loved the first book, and think this one is even more successful.
I really enjoyed the stories, to some extant can relate to many things the author says. And I think it’s very successful at criticising how these dating app works, they basically make money out of our lack of self esteem/loneliness. It recognises though that nowadays it’s kind of an inevitable step , specially for lgbt for whom it’s hard to meet people alike.
On the negative side, I already didn’t like too much on the first book the rigid side of the separation one story and then a part on advices and life lessons. But I thought it was worse in this book, as this time there was even advices inside the stories. And I personnally believe some of the advices are more of personnal choices.
For example when he advise not to ask to hold hands in the streets as some people are uncomfortable with it, id say he could also reply that he is uncomfortable with it. I think it comes off better when he speaks about his own learnings, and experience rather than acting as a dating advisor. Specially that I would notice he doesn’t always apply his advices to himself.
Throughout the book I didn’t really enjoy the lessons chapters, but was then really surprised by the third one and conclusion chapters. I think it showed he really grew from these experience and it’s inspiring to see that he takes it all as teachings.
All these parts about addiction, mental health issues, self esteem around dating apps spoke so much to me. I’m glad he’s been able to stop going on grindr. I hope there will be another book on how he met his future serious relationship ;)
Apps felt like necessary for a while but I am so sure there are better and less damaging ways to meet someone. Great read
I loved the first book, and think this one is even more successful.
I really enjoyed the stories, to some extant can relate to many things the author says. And I think it’s very successful at criticising how these dating app works, they basically make money out of our lack of self esteem/loneliness. It recognises though that nowadays it’s kind of an inevitable step , specially for lgbt for whom it’s hard to meet people alike.
On the negative side, I already didn’t like too much on the first book the rigid side of the separation one story and then a part on advices and life lessons. But I thought it was worse in this book, as this time there was even advices inside the stories. And I personnally believe some of the advices are more of personnal choices.
For example when he advise not to ask to hold hands in the streets as some people are uncomfortable with it, id say he could also reply that he is uncomfortable with it. I think it comes off better when he speaks about his own learnings, and experience rather than acting as a dating advisor. Specially that I would notice he doesn’t always apply his advices to himself.
Throughout the book I didn’t really enjoy the lessons chapters, but was then really surprised by the third one and conclusion chapters. I think it showed he really grew from these experience and it’s inspiring to see that he takes it all as teachings.
All these parts about addiction, mental health issues, self esteem around dating apps spoke so much to me. I’m glad he’s been able to stop going on grindr. I hope there will be another book on how he met his future serious relationship ;)
Apps felt like necessary for a while but I am so sure there are better and less damaging ways to meet someone. Great read
December 14, 2020
As with the author’s first volume, there is a lot of relatable fodder here — for better and for worse. The author frequently reminds me of someone I used to know; that person was neurotic, sometimes unreasonable, and not as smart or mature as he imagined himself to be. (And, perhaps not coincidentally, a lawyer, like the author.)
In my view, in addition to an editor, this project would benefit from being combined into a single volume and redone in partnership with a practicing relationships counselor. Such a partner could both expand on the “lessons” aspect, using their professional expertise, and provide something of an objective counterbalance to the author’s tales, including pointing out instances where the author is being judgmental, deflecting blame, or stumbling into other pitfalls.
Two stars because I always enjoy getting a glimpse inside someone else’s head. I can be guilty of engaging in the same overthinking on display here, and this served as a useful mirror for some self-reflection. The author would do well to engage in a good deal more of the same.
December 3, 2019
I was a huge fan of Part 1 so I was anxiously awaiting the follow up, and of course it did not disappoint. Not only is there a reference to The Hills paragraphs into the book the nods to Real Housewives and Mariah peppered between the advice and brutality honest commentary are just perfect.
This is my fav line: “If I had a gluten free cookie for every Netflix and chill I’d been a party to by now I’d be Angelica Pickles in West LA: The Movie.”
In all seriousness the book is a great commentary on modern gay dating. The book is critical but never mean and tries to build on problems that it critiques.
This is my fav line: “If I had a gluten free cookie for every Netflix and chill I’d been a party to by now I’d be Angelica Pickles in West LA: The Movie.”
In all seriousness the book is a great commentary on modern gay dating. The book is critical but never mean and tries to build on problems that it critiques.
January 5, 2020
The Friend That Knows
I have now read The Grid in its entirety and I'm impressed by Lex's growth in his ability to craft a well-defined story. As I read, I laughed and cringed alongside him as he navigated the pitfalls of app life and came through it smarter and stronger and ready to share his vast knowledge with those who need it. I only hope that after all this, he finds the one who makes him want to live "off the grid". If not, fingers crossed for part 3.
I have now read The Grid in its entirety and I'm impressed by Lex's growth in his ability to craft a well-defined story. As I read, I laughed and cringed alongside him as he navigated the pitfalls of app life and came through it smarter and stronger and ready to share his vast knowledge with those who need it. I only hope that after all this, he finds the one who makes him want to live "off the grid". If not, fingers crossed for part 3.
April 27, 2020
This is a generously vulnerable memoir. The author has put his story out there in such a raw and honest way—humbly baring his missteps and flaws. As with Part 1, there is no shortage of comic relief effortlessly interspersed with the heartbreaking moments and memories of a hard-won path to self acceptance. I hope that he will continue his work.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews