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Just the Way He Walked: A Mother's Story of Healing and Hope
Just the Way He Walked: A Mother’s Story of Healing and Hope is a story of how one woman’s simultaneous battles of Stage Four Non–Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and her young adult son’s addiction to alcohol and drugs test her resolve to never, ever give up hope. Written for parents, particularly mothers, of children who are addicted, this is a story of love, faith, hope, and breaking the cycle of addiction. Family relationships, father-son, mother-son, single parenting, the impact of addiction on families, and the need for education in breaking the cycle of addiction are all explored. The message of resilience and faith in the face of insurmountable odds serves as a testament of what is possible when one dares to hope.
- GenresMemoir
320 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 11, 2019
10 people want to read
About the author
Kathleen Pooler
3 books34 followersKathleen Pooler is an author and a retired Family Nurse Practitioner whose memoir, Ever Faithful to His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse, was published on July 28.2014 . Her work-in-progress sequel, Just the Way He Walked: A Mother's Story of Healing and Hope about how the power of hope through her faith in God helped her to transform, heal and transcend life’s obstacles and disappointments: domestic abuse, divorce, single parenting, loving and letting go of an alcoholic son, cancer and heart failure to live a life of joy and contentment is pending publication in 2019. She believes that hope matters and that we are all strengthened and enlightened when we share our stories.
She lives with her husband Wayne in eastern New York.
She lives with her husband Wayne in eastern New York.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
November 16, 2019
Kathy Pooler’s Prologue to Just the Way He Walked draws readers immediately into the story as she shares a letter to her son whom she hadn’t seen in 18 months. In a memoir subtitled, a Mother’s Story of Healing and Hope, Kathy grabs your heart and won’t let go from the very first page!
The author frequently pulls the title into her story of family alcoholism, describing her son Brian’s way of walking as alternately cocky, self-assured, stumbling and staggering, headed for the abyss. As a tool to educate and console family members of addicts, she underscores the truth that addiction is a family affair and that collateral damage must be reckoned with, including the suffering of the “good” child, constant threat of relapse, and one’s own physical well-being.
Memoirist Kathy often begins chapters with a personal journal entry. Letters to her son are scattered throughout. The book is beautifully designed with text and photos that reveal the author’s odyssey through pain toward hope. She weaves the parallel story of her own physical challenges: Stage 4 Lymphoma, heart disease, and kidney failure, surviving through each obstacle, sustained by her strong faith in God.
The author threads throughout the book several letters of memoirist to son, laying bare her heart. She explores a mother’s traps: What is it about our children that our own suffering pales in comparison to whatever event is happening in their lives? She repeats the mantra: Meanwhile, I still carried the guilt of not providing my children with a stable family life. And the ever-present questions: How could I let go of my son without giving up on him?
Like all good storytellers, Pooler uses metaphors: “Breathing continued to be a conscious effort, like I was sucking air from a thin straw.” She also records her growing self-awareness: “I slowly began realizing that my giving in to his behaviors—paying his bills, making excuses for him—was like handing a suicidal person a gun.” And then later: “It was not easy, but, as I’d learned in countless Al-Anon meetings, I would be helping the addiction escalate if I continued to do what he should and could do for himself. I had to break my addiction to his addiction. That didn’t mean I had to stop loving my son, nor would I.
Of her own physical suffering, she speaks of a spiritual epiphany as she undergoes stem cell therapy on Ash Wednesday: “I visualized the lifeblood of Christ flowing through my veins. At that moment, I gave myself permission to let go. There was nothing else to do. River of time, keep flowing onward. Let the healing begin.”
The best memoirs reveal the author’s transformation. Near the end of Kathy’s story, a lighted candle in honor of St. Jude epitomizes both her survival and ongoing renewal. “Where there’s life, there’s hope,” this memoir seems to say. If family alcoholism and the author’s physical illnesses were this story’s only focus, readers would miss the pot of gold at the end—a rainbow of courage and hope.
The author frequently pulls the title into her story of family alcoholism, describing her son Brian’s way of walking as alternately cocky, self-assured, stumbling and staggering, headed for the abyss. As a tool to educate and console family members of addicts, she underscores the truth that addiction is a family affair and that collateral damage must be reckoned with, including the suffering of the “good” child, constant threat of relapse, and one’s own physical well-being.
Memoirist Kathy often begins chapters with a personal journal entry. Letters to her son are scattered throughout. The book is beautifully designed with text and photos that reveal the author’s odyssey through pain toward hope. She weaves the parallel story of her own physical challenges: Stage 4 Lymphoma, heart disease, and kidney failure, surviving through each obstacle, sustained by her strong faith in God.
The author threads throughout the book several letters of memoirist to son, laying bare her heart. She explores a mother’s traps: What is it about our children that our own suffering pales in comparison to whatever event is happening in their lives? She repeats the mantra: Meanwhile, I still carried the guilt of not providing my children with a stable family life. And the ever-present questions: How could I let go of my son without giving up on him?
Like all good storytellers, Pooler uses metaphors: “Breathing continued to be a conscious effort, like I was sucking air from a thin straw.” She also records her growing self-awareness: “I slowly began realizing that my giving in to his behaviors—paying his bills, making excuses for him—was like handing a suicidal person a gun.” And then later: “It was not easy, but, as I’d learned in countless Al-Anon meetings, I would be helping the addiction escalate if I continued to do what he should and could do for himself. I had to break my addiction to his addiction. That didn’t mean I had to stop loving my son, nor would I.
Of her own physical suffering, she speaks of a spiritual epiphany as she undergoes stem cell therapy on Ash Wednesday: “I visualized the lifeblood of Christ flowing through my veins. At that moment, I gave myself permission to let go. There was nothing else to do. River of time, keep flowing onward. Let the healing begin.”
The best memoirs reveal the author’s transformation. Near the end of Kathy’s story, a lighted candle in honor of St. Jude epitomizes both her survival and ongoing renewal. “Where there’s life, there’s hope,” this memoir seems to say. If family alcoholism and the author’s physical illnesses were this story’s only focus, readers would miss the pot of gold at the end—a rainbow of courage and hope.
November 20, 2019
Just the Way He Walked is a memoir. It’s the story of a mother’s journey through codependency, and the heartache of trying to figure out how to live in the shadow of a beloved, addicted child. Every day is a struggle to keep moving forward, because if our child is in danger, how can we live a normal life? How can we function? This is the question of codependency.
Every person who loves an addict will identify with this book, but perhaps mostly it will resonate with parents. Kathleen Pooler describes the frustration and despair of not being able to help her son, although she tries, over and over again. Of course, the main lesson of codependency is that we can’t change another’s behavior, and this is what I found fascinating about the book. It is as much about Kathleen’s journey to independence as it is about Brian’s challenge to remain sober. It took him until middle-age to do so, although recovery is perpetual.
Kathleen freely admits she operates from a place of guilt over the challenges she had to face while rearing Brian and his sister, Leigh Ann. The victim of two abusive husbands, Kathleen was forced to disrupt her children’s lives numerous times. Although Leigh Ann seemed to function well, Brian went in another direction. Kathleen, a nurse, understands addiction is biological, but she can’t help but blame herself. And so she helps, and helps, and helps, all the while knowing her “help” isn’t having any effect. Ultimately, she must learn to let go.
While dealing with the heartache of Brian, Kathleen is diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, receives treatment including chemotherapy, and eventually endures other health issues. Her faith and her marriage to a wonderful man, Wayne, as well as her daughter’s unwavering support, help her.
When Kathleen is awaiting stem cell treatment, she sits in the hospital room thinking of her life and the nature of existence. I found this scene deeply moving. Outside her hospital room window, many stories below, she sees cars racing around, their occupants racing through their lives (probably without thinking). This causes her to reflect in an existential way, which was extremely powerful. Having been through several surgeries myself, I so identified. Here you are in your hospital room, clinging to the basics, while the world charges on without you, unmoved.
The thing that strikes me about this memoir is that it profiles two addicts: Brian, the alcoholic, and Kathleen, whom you might say is addicted to Brian. Even towards the end of the book, she acknowledges that she only went about three weeks before feeling shaky over not knowing what's going on with him. As much as you are hoping for Brian to get well, you are hoping for Kathy to move on, too. As parents we identify. She spends decades trapped in anxiety and worry over him. Just as he professes to understand the need to get clean and sober, she repeats her desire to break free and move on. At one point, Kathleen says, “Brian's well-being was my obsession and it was wearing me down...I knew that I should be doing more in terms of nurturing my own self care needs with proper nutrition, exercise, and support. Instead I had given into incessant worry over Brian's welfare. It was high time I learned to let go, once and for all.”
But then she doesn’t. Over and over again, for years, and in this, we see the true story of addiction, and its impact on those we love.
The memoir has a happy ending, with the caveat that addiction is a lifetime reality. There are many good tips and resources in the back of the book to help one cope with the challenge of loving an addict. Kathleen Pooler has done us all a service by writing this compelling memoir of codependency and addiction.
Every person who loves an addict will identify with this book, but perhaps mostly it will resonate with parents. Kathleen Pooler describes the frustration and despair of not being able to help her son, although she tries, over and over again. Of course, the main lesson of codependency is that we can’t change another’s behavior, and this is what I found fascinating about the book. It is as much about Kathleen’s journey to independence as it is about Brian’s challenge to remain sober. It took him until middle-age to do so, although recovery is perpetual.
Kathleen freely admits she operates from a place of guilt over the challenges she had to face while rearing Brian and his sister, Leigh Ann. The victim of two abusive husbands, Kathleen was forced to disrupt her children’s lives numerous times. Although Leigh Ann seemed to function well, Brian went in another direction. Kathleen, a nurse, understands addiction is biological, but she can’t help but blame herself. And so she helps, and helps, and helps, all the while knowing her “help” isn’t having any effect. Ultimately, she must learn to let go.
While dealing with the heartache of Brian, Kathleen is diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, receives treatment including chemotherapy, and eventually endures other health issues. Her faith and her marriage to a wonderful man, Wayne, as well as her daughter’s unwavering support, help her.
When Kathleen is awaiting stem cell treatment, she sits in the hospital room thinking of her life and the nature of existence. I found this scene deeply moving. Outside her hospital room window, many stories below, she sees cars racing around, their occupants racing through their lives (probably without thinking). This causes her to reflect in an existential way, which was extremely powerful. Having been through several surgeries myself, I so identified. Here you are in your hospital room, clinging to the basics, while the world charges on without you, unmoved.
The thing that strikes me about this memoir is that it profiles two addicts: Brian, the alcoholic, and Kathleen, whom you might say is addicted to Brian. Even towards the end of the book, she acknowledges that she only went about three weeks before feeling shaky over not knowing what's going on with him. As much as you are hoping for Brian to get well, you are hoping for Kathy to move on, too. As parents we identify. She spends decades trapped in anxiety and worry over him. Just as he professes to understand the need to get clean and sober, she repeats her desire to break free and move on. At one point, Kathleen says, “Brian's well-being was my obsession and it was wearing me down...I knew that I should be doing more in terms of nurturing my own self care needs with proper nutrition, exercise, and support. Instead I had given into incessant worry over Brian's welfare. It was high time I learned to let go, once and for all.”
But then she doesn’t. Over and over again, for years, and in this, we see the true story of addiction, and its impact on those we love.
The memoir has a happy ending, with the caveat that addiction is a lifetime reality. There are many good tips and resources in the back of the book to help one cope with the challenge of loving an addict. Kathleen Pooler has done us all a service by writing this compelling memoir of codependency and addiction.
June 18, 2020
Kathleen Pooler’s second memoir echoes much of her first, Ever Faithful to His Lead, and therein lies much of its impact. Memoir doesn’t always boast the level of self-reflection that Kathy has mustered, and it’s been an inspiring journey to watch the author grow in her understanding not only of addiction, but of herself. The essence of good memoir is the change that one goes through from weathering difficult circumstances. And Kathy is fearless in her ability to face those changes.
A divorced mother of two trying against difficult odds to be the best mother she could be, she worked as a nurse in various different communities. Her son Brian, from the time he was thirteen, turned to alcohol to cope. He was distant from his father, who was also an alcoholic, and later in the book he opens up about how that had hurt him when he was younger.
Kathy rallied around her son as any mother would, doing everything she could think of to help him overcome his addiction to alcohol. Brian was in and out of multiple rehabs and half-way houses, at times living in terrible circumstances. The rest of her family, sometimes angry but often bewildered, offered their support as much as possible.
Yet in the midst of all this stress, Kathy was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 1996, and overnight her world once again turned upside down. Now she was fighting a war on two fronts. And her resilience, faith and hope for a better future are the reason why everyone should read this book.
This is one of those memoirs that has everything: strong, but gentle, language; skillfully written dialogue and descriptions of the addict at his worst (lying, bullying, and manipulating), and the mother at her worst (begging, enabling, and pandering). These are hard things to expose to the world, but Kathy does it skillfully, always pointing toward the lessons learned and the takeaways for the reader.
In both of her memoirs, Kathy has demonstrated the importance of having faith in something outside of herself, and she demonstrates how that leads to a living, breathing sense of hope that has sustained her through both of the wars she has waged. Without giving away the ending of her story, I would just like to say that, regardless of the outcome in Kathy’s drama-filled life, her example of living through heartache and challenge is an example that is well worth following.
There are a number of lessons contained in Kathy’s story, and not all of them are about addiction. Her message is more universal and speaks to all of us: when we trust in a power greater than ourselves and have faith that what happens to us (not always perfect or delightful) has a greater meaning, the challenge of carrying difficult burdens is lifted from our shoulders. And we recognize, with gratitude, that life is a gift and well worth living. For this reason alone, I highly recommend this book, for its message resonates with so many of us.
Marilea C. Rabasa is the author of Stepping Stones: A Memoir of Addiction, Loss and Transformation, published by She Writes Press, June, 2020
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A divorced mother of two trying against difficult odds to be the best mother she could be, she worked as a nurse in various different communities. Her son Brian, from the time he was thirteen, turned to alcohol to cope. He was distant from his father, who was also an alcoholic, and later in the book he opens up about how that had hurt him when he was younger.
Kathy rallied around her son as any mother would, doing everything she could think of to help him overcome his addiction to alcohol. Brian was in and out of multiple rehabs and half-way houses, at times living in terrible circumstances. The rest of her family, sometimes angry but often bewildered, offered their support as much as possible.
Yet in the midst of all this stress, Kathy was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in 1996, and overnight her world once again turned upside down. Now she was fighting a war on two fronts. And her resilience, faith and hope for a better future are the reason why everyone should read this book.
This is one of those memoirs that has everything: strong, but gentle, language; skillfully written dialogue and descriptions of the addict at his worst (lying, bullying, and manipulating), and the mother at her worst (begging, enabling, and pandering). These are hard things to expose to the world, but Kathy does it skillfully, always pointing toward the lessons learned and the takeaways for the reader.
In both of her memoirs, Kathy has demonstrated the importance of having faith in something outside of herself, and she demonstrates how that leads to a living, breathing sense of hope that has sustained her through both of the wars she has waged. Without giving away the ending of her story, I would just like to say that, regardless of the outcome in Kathy’s drama-filled life, her example of living through heartache and challenge is an example that is well worth following.
There are a number of lessons contained in Kathy’s story, and not all of them are about addiction. Her message is more universal and speaks to all of us: when we trust in a power greater than ourselves and have faith that what happens to us (not always perfect or delightful) has a greater meaning, the challenge of carrying difficult burdens is lifted from our shoulders. And we recognize, with gratitude, that life is a gift and well worth living. For this reason alone, I highly recommend this book, for its message resonates with so many of us.
Marilea C. Rabasa is the author of Stepping Stones: A Memoir of Addiction, Loss and Transformation, published by She Writes Press, June, 2020
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November 19, 2019
I received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review and nothing more. Opinions expressed are mine.
***
In her second memoir, Kathy Pooler tackles two difficult issues in her life. She refers to poor personal choices made in her marital life. These choices affected not only the author but also the lives of her children, Brian and Leigh Ann. Here she tells the story of her son Brian’s addiction and her simultaneous battle with cancer. It is a love story, one filled with hope and healing.
Concerned about Brian’s addiction, Pooler worries Brian will end up like his father, Ed. This is a common worry among parents of children in a marriage or partnership with an addicted partner. But how to watch and help turn a person away from what another presents as normal?
Pooler tries as hard as a parent can try to help Brian, but we all know the various emotional stages of growth. The “I’m wholly knowledgeable” teen years, the “I’m an adult now” years, and the “I don’t need you in my life any more” years. How does a single parent cope with knowing a child is struggling with addiction of any type? Coping with this problem alone is difficult, as Pooler shares in Just the Way He Walked. She holds back nothing.
The strength of her faith is a bolster for her hopes and desires to help Brian. Helpful is a stepfather willing to step up and help Pooler with both battles. Pooler shows how at times we have to let someone step in to help through strengths we may not have. She shares her use of journaling, belief in prayer, and strong faith—a powerful toolbox.
Pooler’s memoir is well written. Her story is written with others in mind trying to help a family member or friend struggling with addiction. Descriptions of her emotions are honest and painful for the reader. But, we must expect reality to shine through in a tough story such as this.
In the synopsis of Just the Way He Walked, Pooler shares the goal in writing this book:
I recommend Just the Way He Walked to those looking for the hope of helping an addict to turn his or her life around.
It is rare that I give a 5-star rating to books I review. Yet, often I make exceptions as I have done with Pooler’s new memoir. It is indeed a 5-star book.
***
It was just the way he walked, with that self-assured, cocky stance that said he was in control. Or was it his ready smile and quick wit that reminded me of his father? Vern’s comment made me realize that Brian was not just nother normal kid, like Vern’s kids were. He was Ed’s son. It was just the way he walked.
In her second memoir, Kathy Pooler tackles two difficult issues in her life. She refers to poor personal choices made in her marital life. These choices affected not only the author but also the lives of her children, Brian and Leigh Ann. Here she tells the story of her son Brian’s addiction and her simultaneous battle with cancer. It is a love story, one filled with hope and healing.
Concerned about Brian’s addiction, Pooler worries Brian will end up like his father, Ed. This is a common worry among parents of children in a marriage or partnership with an addicted partner. But how to watch and help turn a person away from what another presents as normal?
Pooler tries as hard as a parent can try to help Brian, but we all know the various emotional stages of growth. The “I’m wholly knowledgeable” teen years, the “I’m an adult now” years, and the “I don’t need you in my life any more” years. How does a single parent cope with knowing a child is struggling with addiction of any type? Coping with this problem alone is difficult, as Pooler shares in Just the Way He Walked. She holds back nothing.
The strength of her faith is a bolster for her hopes and desires to help Brian. Helpful is a stepfather willing to step up and help Pooler with both battles. Pooler shows how at times we have to let someone step in to help through strengths we may not have. She shares her use of journaling, belief in prayer, and strong faith—a powerful toolbox.
Pooler’s memoir is well written. Her story is written with others in mind trying to help a family member or friend struggling with addiction. Descriptions of her emotions are honest and painful for the reader. But, we must expect reality to shine through in a tough story such as this.
In the synopsis of Just the Way He Walked, Pooler shares the goal in writing this book:
The message of resilience and faith in the face of insurmountable odds serves as a testament to what is possible when one dares to hope.
I recommend Just the Way He Walked to those looking for the hope of helping an addict to turn his or her life around.
It is rare that I give a 5-star rating to books I review. Yet, often I make exceptions as I have done with Pooler’s new memoir. It is indeed a 5-star book.
November 20, 2019
Just the Way He Walked is a moving testimonial of a mother’s undying love and dedication to her son as he falls into addiction following the divorce of his parents. As Brian struggles to find himself without a father to turn to, the author embarks on her own rocky road of single parenting and sole breadwinner. Her struggle with grief and shame that her children are living in a divorced home is soon eclipsed by fear. Brian gets in with the wrong crowd and experiments with alcohol―eventually spiraling into alcoholism. As she desperately seeks a solution, Kathy remains convinced that it is up to her to take control and make everything all right for Brian and her daughter, who is also grieving the loss of her father. The honesty and sincerity that the author brings to this part of the story invites readers, especially single mothers, into the deepest recesses of a mother’s quest to save her children from pain and anguish after a failed marriage.
Just the Way He Walked also chronicles the author’s life-threatening battle with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. It is here where the memoir truly takes flight. Scenes of first learning she has the disease and the transplant operation she eventually undergoes are vivid and the language compelling, especially since Kathy Pooler is an accomplished nurse practitioner and knows this “business” of living and dying inside and out. Her battle with cancer serves as the turning point when she realizes that hope, faith and the healing power of prayer offer the path back to her own life. Her nursing background also lends to much musing about the nature of addiction and its impact on families, as well as her own newly-budding relationship with Wayne, the man she eventually marries. We begin to see that this memoir has been a journey of a woman struggling to understand how life’s twists and turns can’t be controlled in spite of love and good intentions―and that by trying to control her son’s choices―indeed anything in life―is often impossible and illusory at best. Instead, the author realizes that the letting go of the seemingly endless and futile attempts to save Brian from his own worst self, offers the only choice when coping with an addict and is the surest road to her own “recovery.” This memoir, then, is a great lesson for all who are living the nightmare of an addicted loved one. ― Susan G. Weidener, author of Again in a Heartbeat, a memoir of love, loss and dating again.
Just the Way He Walked also chronicles the author’s life-threatening battle with Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. It is here where the memoir truly takes flight. Scenes of first learning she has the disease and the transplant operation she eventually undergoes are vivid and the language compelling, especially since Kathy Pooler is an accomplished nurse practitioner and knows this “business” of living and dying inside and out. Her battle with cancer serves as the turning point when she realizes that hope, faith and the healing power of prayer offer the path back to her own life. Her nursing background also lends to much musing about the nature of addiction and its impact on families, as well as her own newly-budding relationship with Wayne, the man she eventually marries. We begin to see that this memoir has been a journey of a woman struggling to understand how life’s twists and turns can’t be controlled in spite of love and good intentions―and that by trying to control her son’s choices―indeed anything in life―is often impossible and illusory at best. Instead, the author realizes that the letting go of the seemingly endless and futile attempts to save Brian from his own worst self, offers the only choice when coping with an addict and is the surest road to her own “recovery.” This memoir, then, is a great lesson for all who are living the nightmare of an addicted loved one. ― Susan G. Weidener, author of Again in a Heartbeat, a memoir of love, loss and dating again.
January 14, 2020
Just the Way He Walked is an open and honest look into the life of someone dealing with challenges that she desperately wished she could control, but learned that she could not.
While reflecting on lasting guilt and self-blame for moving her children to escape failed marriage and abusive men, Kathy coveys a message of hope amidst continuing and constant worry about her adult alcoholic child. Brian was a young man with many talents....athletic, smart, funny, charming. He started the path of poor decisions and addiction from an early age, and the battle raged on well into adulthood between navigating years of struggling to stay sober.
I could really feel her concern, the sleepless nights of worry for weeks at a time, not knowing Brian's whereabouts, or even if he was alive. Time and time again, helping Brian, while unknowingly enabling his behavior, out of guilt, even if also out of love.
All the while, Kathy was bravely enduring her own health challenges, trying to overcome cancer, congestive heart failure and other issued resulting from her chemotherapy.
Behind her, though, was her husband Wayne. Finally, Kathy found the love of her life...someone who could be the calm in her storm, the support she needed to comfort her and reassure her. Wayne, along with God and her faith, and her daughter, Leah Ann, were always there in their own way, helping Kathy through it all.
Kathy's reluctance, and then acceptance, of Al-Anon, as a necessary means of support for those family members of the addicted was eye-opening, and shows that it is not just the addicted who need help and support. Forgiveness of others, and of self are important messages that Kathy shares.
Kathy also showed that all things are possible when God leads they way, and that we will always love, and believe in our children, just as He does.
While reflecting on lasting guilt and self-blame for moving her children to escape failed marriage and abusive men, Kathy coveys a message of hope amidst continuing and constant worry about her adult alcoholic child. Brian was a young man with many talents....athletic, smart, funny, charming. He started the path of poor decisions and addiction from an early age, and the battle raged on well into adulthood between navigating years of struggling to stay sober.
I could really feel her concern, the sleepless nights of worry for weeks at a time, not knowing Brian's whereabouts, or even if he was alive. Time and time again, helping Brian, while unknowingly enabling his behavior, out of guilt, even if also out of love.
All the while, Kathy was bravely enduring her own health challenges, trying to overcome cancer, congestive heart failure and other issued resulting from her chemotherapy.
Behind her, though, was her husband Wayne. Finally, Kathy found the love of her life...someone who could be the calm in her storm, the support she needed to comfort her and reassure her. Wayne, along with God and her faith, and her daughter, Leah Ann, were always there in their own way, helping Kathy through it all.
Kathy's reluctance, and then acceptance, of Al-Anon, as a necessary means of support for those family members of the addicted was eye-opening, and shows that it is not just the addicted who need help and support. Forgiveness of others, and of self are important messages that Kathy shares.
Kathy also showed that all things are possible when God leads they way, and that we will always love, and believe in our children, just as He does.
August 7, 2020
Kathleen Pooler has the unique ability to paint situations and emotions with words carefully chosen. Just the Way he Walked is a sincere account of Ms. Pooler's life. Her memoir, sometimes painstaking, is especially compelling. You find yourself drawn into the author's life, relating thoroughly to her difficulties, sympathizing, empathizing, and crying with her and for her. You find yourself praying and wishing for a happy ending. Ms. Pooler always exhibits a ray of sunshine and optimism, and shares with you her hope, her faith, and her courage. She's a masterful author of memoir. And I recommend this book wholeheartedly and without hesitation.
April 28, 2020
An honest and raw look inside the heart of a mother dealing with a son with an addiction to alcohol, Kathy writes so authentically sharing the deep ache and anguish her heart must endure.
As with any relationship, there is more often than not a reflection of what we need to heal within ourselves also. Not always an easy thing to do. But Kathy does it with grace as she shares her struggle to let go of what she knows she can’t control. She must face the haunting and real truth that even though she brought this beautiful baby boy into the world, she isn’t responsible for how he chooses to life his life.
This, in turn, is the hardest aspect of letting go as this feeling of betraying the one thing you love with all your heart is hard to bear for fear of the unknown.
But within this time of deep inner searching, she comes to see that by letting go of the very thing that she fears, not only does she set herself free in a way she couldn’t have imagined, but she gives her son the gift of knowing he too can do the same in order to set himself free.
Just the Way He Walked is not only a story of a son’s addiction, but of the fragile and precious gift of relationships, what we do to help each other through, the potent power of hope, and ultimately if we are fortunate, come to see within ourselves a new perspective, and thus we are all changed for the better.
As with any relationship, there is more often than not a reflection of what we need to heal within ourselves also. Not always an easy thing to do. But Kathy does it with grace as she shares her struggle to let go of what she knows she can’t control. She must face the haunting and real truth that even though she brought this beautiful baby boy into the world, she isn’t responsible for how he chooses to life his life.
This, in turn, is the hardest aspect of letting go as this feeling of betraying the one thing you love with all your heart is hard to bear for fear of the unknown.
But within this time of deep inner searching, she comes to see that by letting go of the very thing that she fears, not only does she set herself free in a way she couldn’t have imagined, but she gives her son the gift of knowing he too can do the same in order to set himself free.
Just the Way He Walked is not only a story of a son’s addiction, but of the fragile and precious gift of relationships, what we do to help each other through, the potent power of hope, and ultimately if we are fortunate, come to see within ourselves a new perspective, and thus we are all changed for the better.
February 1, 2020
Kathleen Pooler shares a story of addiction and codependency that is, at times, almost too much to bear. Anyone who has lived—or is living—with a loved one caught in the vortex of addiction will identify with her story, but mothers will find particular kinship in her struggle to detach from the behaviour of a child she loves so much. Pooler learned to trust the wisdom of recovery for herself, regardless of the path her son took. It's the most difficult thing to ask of a mother. She is generous in sharing her experience to inspire and encourage others. This is the story of a strong woman facing nearly impossible challenges. It's a story of hope and courage for anyone who has been touched by addiction of some sort. And that's most of us.
April 2, 2020
Kathleen Pooler's new memoir is a must read for anyone who has now or has had a personal relationship with a person addicted to alcohol. Codependency is often a sister relationship as it was with Pooler, who in her unrealized role of codependent seeks tirelessly to help her addicted son, Brian, recover. This book is a beautifully written journey that allows the reader to walk along with Pooler as she learns about the alcoholic family system: how each member plays a role. how a loving mother's wish to help her son can actually hold him back, and how long and so hard is the process of lovingly letting go so that her son could slowly take responsibly for his life. This is a lovely, uncommon memoir that I highly recommend.
January 2, 2020
Like her previous memoir, this book is so helpful and well written! The author tells her own story of coping with a life threatening illness and raising children while her son struggles with the downward spiral of alcoholism. Many parents will relate to the sense of hopelessness you feel when your child follows along the precipitous path of substance abuse. But through it all Kathy follows a beacon of hope and faith that is nothing short of inspiring. She also includes helpful resources at the end of the book. I applaud and thank Kathy for this moving and important contribution to the addiction and recovery genre.
December 14, 2019
Having been through a similar period in my life, Kathy Pooler has nailed what it is like to be a parent to an addicted child. I think all parents should read this book whether or not they have an addicted child. She is an inspiring author and human being. Whatever she write next, I will be reading it!
March 1, 2020
Addiction As It Is
This is not just another ordinary story of addiction. Kathleen not only copes with her son’s illness but also captures her personal health challenges within this book. This story hits home, especially the importance of keeping a glimmer of hope in the most trying times.
This is not just another ordinary story of addiction. Kathleen not only copes with her son’s illness but also captures her personal health challenges within this book. This story hits home, especially the importance of keeping a glimmer of hope in the most trying times.
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