How to Be a Girl in the World

by Caela Carter

A coming-of-age novel about the complicated parts of growing up, finding your voice, and claiming your space.

Lydia hasn’t felt comfortable in her own skin since the boys at her school started commenting on the way she looks in her uniform. Her cousin and friends think she should be flattered, but the boys—and sometimes her mom’s boyfriend, Jeremy—make Lydia uncomfortable and confused. Even more confusing is when Jeremy hovers too close and hugs a little too long.

Then her mom surprises her by buying a dilapidated house in their neighborhood. Lydia hopes to find a little bit of magic in their new home. But just like the adults in her life, and God, and her friends, the magic Lydia deeply believes in eventually loses its power to keep her safe.

And as seventh grade begins, Lydia wonders: Is there a secret to figuring out how to be a girl in the world?

Genres: Middle Grade, Realistic Fiction, Young Adult, Family, Fiction, Contemporary, Feminism

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 11, 2020

About the author

Caela Carter grew up in Basking Ridge, NJ and Baltimore, MD. She's been writing since she learned how to pick up a pen but before the writing thing got serious she spent six years teaching English to middle and high school students in Jacksonville, FL and Chicago, IL. Her debut novel, ME, HIM, THEM AND IT was published in 2013 by Bloomsbury. When she's not writing, Caela is a teacher of some awesome teens in Brooklyn, a Notre Dame football enthusiast, and a happy explorer in New York City.

Reviews

[Chelsea (chelseadolling reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a tough read, but I am so, so glad that it exists. I wish I could go back in time and give this to middle school Chelsea. Definitely worth a read if you're interested and can handle the subject matter.

TW: sexual harassment, sexual assault, grooming, pedophilia, addiction

[Gabrielle Schwabauer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really tough to read--the tension is almost constant; the author really captures how it feels to be a girl alone with an adult man who doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart--but so important. The idea of middle school girls trying to cast protective spells out of desperation is gut-wrenching, as is Lydia's entirely plausible terror of showing any skin whatsoever. When you're constantly expected to accept things that aren't safe, even neutral behaviors start to feel dangerous, and at the same time you try to talk yourself into accepting behavior that is truly scary. Girls are burdened with such self-doubt, required to worry first and most about the boys around them even those same boys are deliberately causing harm. I loved the relationship between Lydia and her cousin developing quietly in the background all along--such a beautiful depiction of two characters who don't always get along but nonetheless have each other's backs in a hostile world.

A couple of plot connections at the end strained credulity, and they didn't even really seem necessary for the story to make sense. I also wish we'd seen a little more of what autonomy might look like if a trusted adult DOESN'T take your side in a major way all of a sudden. But I absolutely understand why the author wanted to model an appropriate adult response for kids who might be suffering the way Lydia is suffering.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Themes of consent and body self-ownership are expertly conveyed in Lydia’s efforts to find a way to speak up against harassment from male peers and her mother’s boyfriend. She tries to hide and protect herself with full-coverage clothing then magic, and eventually tries to speak up. She is foiled by disbelieving adults with a boys-will-be-boys attitude. Lydia’s voice and middle grade “solutions “ felt spot on as did her relationships with her peers.

Books about consent can be difficult but we need to recommend them to all kids: boys and girls. This one is never didactic but filled with honest emotions.

[Jean Northway · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are looking for a book for a parent/teen book club... this is my recommendation. One of my top ten books from last year (YA or adult) for the relatable content. My 13 year old daughter brought up many points from this book in conversation. Sparked much natural conversation about the ways that especially teen girls deal with misogyny and sexual harassement. Scenes got tense enough that I was nervous, but nothing graphic occurred. I appreciated the way the author showed how adults reactions changed over generations, and focused on the importance of listening to your gut. Caela Carter is a gifted YA author, capturing the voice of young adults in a way that helps them feel seen, understood, and ready to talk. Her book "Forever or a long, long time" was my daughter's and my top recommendation last year.

[Lauren Friedman-Way · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whew, this book was tough to read, but my god, it needs to be read - for any girl out there who feels violated, rather than flattered, at male attention, who feels unsafe in their home because of the way a man make her feel, who hears, over and over again, that unwanted touching or name calling is just boys being boys and you just have to figure out how to deal with it or ignore it - pick up this book, share it with someone else, and set the damn world on fire.

[A.R. Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, rounded to five because the author's control of tension was absolutely stunning. I couldn't stop reading this book because of the tension itching its way along my spine, and when I reached the end of the book and the conclusion wiped all that tension away, I fell back onto my bed and let out the biggest sigh of relief I think I ever have.

(Hopefully a longer review to come.)

[Amber Scaife · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lydia has spent the whole of summer vacation wearing long-sleeved turtlenecks and sweatpants because after the boys at school started commenting on her body she hasn’t felt comfortable or safe in her own skin. And worse, her mom’s boyfriend is starting to give her over-long hugs and uncomfortable stares. She’s too afraid that the adults in her life won’t feel the same way she does – that these things are wrong and she’s right to feel unsafe – and so she keeps it all to herself. When her mom surprises her and her live-in cousin with the news that she’s bought a house for them, they start cleaning it up on the weekends since the former owners seem to have left all their belongings behind. Lydia finds a small room in the basement filled with little jars of dried herbs and flowers, and a book of hand-written spells. Could this be the solution to her problem? Could she fight off unwanted male attention with magic? She’ll try anything to make the idea of going back to school in the fall even remotely palatable.

Easily the best read of the year so far for me and it’ll take a lot to top it. This is one of those middle grade books that every single student, no matter their gender, should read, and every single parent should read it, too. It perfectly captures the horror of being a middle school girl in the world, one who sees the injustices against women, feels them keenly, but also sees that this is the norm and she’s meant to accept it as such. So powerfully written, with a so-wonderfully told story. I loved every word of it and I urge all of you to read it for yourselves.

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up can be tough. It can be hard to determine what is normal and what is not. It can be hard to set boundaries when the people we are supposed to trust give mixed messages. It is hard to be a girl growing into a woman in a complex world. Lydia doesn't like the way some boys talk to her, or treat her at school but the nuns tell her to pray and God will help her ignore and cope with it. She doesn't like the extra long hugs her mom's boyfriend gives her, or how he asks her to keep secrets about candy he sneaks her. She's confused about whether it's harmless or not, but when her cousin who lives with them discusses the same troubling doubts, she realizes it's not ok. A difficult read, but one that could make a huge difference in the lives of girls trying to navigate these situations. As Lydia learns, "You matter. Your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your body matters. You matter just as much as anyone else. To yourself, you can matter the most." Middle school and up.

[Pamelah Antoine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Didn't realize it was for teenagers, however as an adult it was very good to hear what some pre-teen girls go through as they become teenagers and adults. The issues are focused around sexual harassment, magic, and children of divorced parents. Learn how people resort to mostly anything for help when feeling fear and anxiety. Coming from divorced parents it was good to hear the reactions of a 7th grader. I would highly recommend this book for children and parents alike.

[Tory · Rating 5 out of 5]

[ARC]
This was SO GOOD. This is now my #1 pick for explaining #MeToo and bodily autonomy to tweens. "The way my body is treated is up to me."

"'...There are no other rules. It's your body, so you make the rules. ...It doesn't matter who says it's OK. If you say it's not, it's not OK.'"

[Angela Doyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book treats very sensitive issues in an excellent way - I think Middle Schoolers would enjoy this - I certainly did as an adult

[eve 🍂 · Rating 5 out of 5]

i relate to this sm and i am so thankful i chose to read this 🥹🥹❤️‍🩹 (healed me internally fr)

[Laura Gardner · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 stars for How to Be a Girl in the World by @caelacarter; thanks to the publisher @harpercollinsch for the free book to share with @kidlitexchange. This book is out 8/11/20.
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"Flirting" is not harmless, especially if it's unwelcome. Hugs and other touches can feel wrong. How does a young girl assert her place in the world and own her own body when she's being told that it's all in her head and these touches are no big deal? This is not an easy read, but it's an important read and will help some girls feel seen and understood. Perfect readalike to MAYBE HE JUST LIKES YOU by @barbaradeebooks, one of my favorite books of 2019. Swipe for the back!
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[Francesca Pashby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an important book, and handles the subject of unwanted touching/looks/comments (to the 12 year old female main character) by boys/men with sensitivity and thoughtfulness.

BUT. It is a bit of a mish mash of all sorts of things that don't quite gel, and are sort of weird to read. Like the fact that 2 school girls could be wandering around Brooklyn, NY at 2am and no one noticing; that the MC at one stage has about 7 empty toilet rolls stuck to her person (again, without anyone noticing?). That the mother is a lawyer, yet the family can't apparently afford a dining room table ... yet at the new house they are buying (admittedly in a less 'nice' area), they can afford a property of at least 3 storeys in NYC. On one salary?!

BUT. That's kind of nit picking. I loved the MC and I felt so sorry for her and her cousin. The scenes with the creepy older guy rang so true to life, and the book really made me think how we bring up our children, and how boys STILL get away with stuff, and also how girls can enable that by going along with things that just aren't right.

And as for the Catholic church in this ... well, don't get me started.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the same vein as Maybe He Just Likes You. Treats a very sensitive but important issue in a way that can reach middle school students. Lydia is a 7th grader who is the victim of sexual harassment at school and at the hands of her mother’s new boyfriend. She, like many real-life young women, isn’t sure what is “flirting” and what is unacceptable behavior. Her friends are jealous that she receives attention from boys, but Lydia feels like something is “off” in the attention she is getting. She is too embarrassed to talk to any of the adults in her life because she thinks she might be overreacting. As a parent and middle-school librarian, this was a tough but powerful read, as know many girls (and boys) feel like Lydia. This novel drives home the importance of teaching children, girls and boys, that they have bodily autonomy and that as adults, we need to listen to them.

[Kaye · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for junior high aged girls, and ideally, their mothers would read it with them. There are a lot of great points here, from the traumatic (if you've ever been molested or had someone try to molest you, the grooming of the mom's boyfriend on our MC is hard to read), to standard everyday aggressions from men and young men towards girls, and how society accepts that behavior. The ultimate message in this book is that girls have the right to choose how and when they are touched, and by whom. Excellent.

[Angela Ang · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to Be a Girl in the World moved me through its words effortlessly. What happened in the story Carter wrote was something that never happened to me, but as a female, I somehow could understand her reactions to certain events. The characters’ attitudes to Lydia’s predicament, however, frustrates me to no end, and I keep wondering, what would I do if so little people around me listen when I share my troubles?

View full review here

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful book for mothers and Middle school daughters to read together and talk about what it feels like to be female in this world and the behaviors that have been tolerated for years on what men and boys are allowed to do and the treatment women and girls have been coached to tolerate or ignore. The book led to very rich conversations with my daughter and how to speak up and advocate for yourself.

[Joanna Brauckmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of triggers. I wish I could’ve put this book into my 12 year old self’s hands.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book and just now got around to reading (and listening) to it. When my daughter saw me reading it, she asked why I was reading a book with this title. I clearly was not the intended audience. I'll admit that I found this book a little on the dark side because of the topic. I young girl coming into her womanhood. She is struggling with perceptions from the men around her and you don't know is she is paranoid or not. I would NOT let a young girl read this book by herself. I think a Mom should read it with her and discuss what is going on. This is a heavy topic and a younger reader would definitely need some guidance.

[Palatine Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to Be a Girl in the World is a coming-of-age story that follows Lydia, a pre-teen girl who feels uncomfortable ever since she’s been picked on at school by the boys. And no, it’s not the typical teasing that most kids go through, they were making fun of how she looks in her school uniform. Giving her an awful nickname and everything. Luckily, it’s currently Summer break, but Lydia has been wearing sweatpants, sweatshirts, and hoodies even when it’s 90 degrees outside. Ever since she’s been fun of at school, Lydia has become more and more uncomfortable with the way she looks, men touching her, and her mom’s boyfriend, Jeremy. Jeremy hugs her a little longer than he should and rubs her wrist when saying prayers, but that’s all normal right? Lydia doesn’t know and doesn’t bother telling anyone, until one day when she explores an old house that her mom bought. In the house, she finds a creepy room, with a book in it. Pan’s Book of Spells. Looking through the book, Lydia stumbles upon a charm that may help her with her problems. A protection spell.

I would rate this book 4/5 stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐
How to Be a Girl in the World is actually really deep. It talks about the issues of the modern world and how girls are being treated. Lydia is a really relatable character, she’s going through changes, she’s paranoid about how she looks and how other people approach her. She’s going into Junior High, which is when a lot of kids are finding out what they like and dislike, and while Lydia hates being harassed by the boys at her school, her friend Miriam actually wants the attention. The way people say “he picks on you because he likes you” is such an awful way of saying “deal with it.” Because sometimes the teasing goes way too far and kids don’t know when to stop. I made my mom read this book actually, and we had a pretty long discussion about how this behavior is common now, but it was also common when my mom was in Junior High. How to Be a Girl in the World is definitely a conversation starter. The book goes at a steady pace which is nice so you can really understand what’s happening to Lydia and the problems around her. I would recommend this book to people who are 12 years old or older.

-Vivian M.

[Billee · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are so many things to love about this book. It is a must read for girls and women.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

While there is magic involved in this story it’s really about claiming our own voice and power as women. This feels like a book that mothers and daughters should read together to help the rising generation of women navigate this patriarchal society. It really made me think and recognize some things I need to make sure I teach my daughters.

[Erin Sterling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Middle grade book about a 12 year old who is being sexually harassed by boys in school and is uncomfortable around her mom's boyfriend but doesn't know how to talk about it when things don't seem so bad. Pair with Fighting Words and Maybe He Just Likes You for really important books related to the #MeToo movement.

[Dr. T Loves Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

What it's about: Lydia is a 7th grader who just wants to be left alone. But boys and men seem unable to stop commenting on her body and touching her. Lydia can't figure out what's wrong with her: All her friends are jealous of the attention she's been getting, but Lydia can't stand it.

Everyone has started giving her weird looks because Lydia has started wearing long sleeve turtle necks and pants during the summer. But that's the only way Lydia feels a little bit safe - covering as much of her skin as possible.

As bad as school and being out in public are, home is even worse. Her mother's boyfriend gives extra-long hugs and puts his hand in Lydia's knee and sneaks Lydia and her cousin Emma candy as long as they promise not to tell Lydia's mother. Lydia feels like something about this is wrong, but she knows Jeremy makes her mother happy; and even if she wanted to say something, what would it be? That Jeremy gives her candy and hugs her? People hug each other all the time.

But just as Lydia thinks all hope is lost, she stumbles upon the one thing that might finally save her from all the unwanted attention: tucked into a tiny room in the house her mother is fixing up is a book of spells - including a spell of protection.

At her Catholic school, Lydia has been repeatedly told that magic is the work of the devil. But in Lydia's experience, praying to God has not helped, and she is desperate to find a solution to her problem. So Lydia puts her faith in the spell of protection.

But spells come with specific requirements, and Lydia finds herself some difficult hurdles to maintain her protection spell. And when an incident at school violates the main rule of the spell, it seems like Lydia is doomed. She finds herself facing the scariest situation yet.

What I thought:

Why my chosen shelves:
CWs: child abuse, sexual abuse, abuse, mental health, anxiety, dark: Lydia is dealing with some very difficult situations - she is being sexually objectified - which leads her to seek a way to deal with her anxiety via magic rituals that she pursues even beyond normal bounds, to the point of obession; divorce, family issues: Part of Lydia's problem is that the boyfriend of her divorced mother is touching Lydia in ways that she does not want; bullying: Lydia's "friends" are upset at the attention she is getting from boys, and don't understand why Lydia is not happier about being the center of male attention, and treat her badly because of their jealousy

Characters: Black, diverse: some of Lydia's friends are coded black; marginalized: Lydia feels like an outsider because she does not want the attention that her friends feel she should enjoy

Genres: coming of age: Lydia is forced to deal with things that are beyond her age and emotional maturity;

Topics: magic: Lydia believes that she has found magic that will help her cope with her difficult situation; feminist: Lydia eventually learns that she can stand up for herself and that women have to deal with sexual objectification, but that they can also support each other; religion: Lydia attends a Catholic school, and her interest in magic for protection is seen as a violation of the school's religious tenets; school: large portions of the story revolve around Lydia's interactions at school; supernatural: Lydia is convinced she is getting protection from spiritual entities beyond this realm


Why I rated it like I did: 4.5 stars - Whew. This one is a tough read; the material is real and heartbreaking. Definitely glad we have this in my school's library - both boys and girls can learn a lot from Lydia's trials.

[Sam Keenan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very tough read. I love Carter’s passion to write stories that aren’t easy to read but are stories that must be told.

[Hannah Given · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book was very difficult to read. like made me sick to my stomach and i had to put it down. but this is an important book. it’s important for children to have words to explain how it feels when an adult isn’t acting right, but you’re not sure if you’re being over dramatic. 3 stars because the beginning felt a little heavy handed, but i think that’s mostly because it’s YA

[Madelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This made me very uncomfortable and angry at times. Fantastic writing of an infuriating story.

[Kathie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Edelweiss+ and the publisher for an eARC of this book.

Wow. This is one of the best books I've read this year. I don't know why it's not getting more buzz because it deal with such important subject matter in an excellent way. I will say it's an upper MG story that I found intense, and was triggering for my anxiety, but I'm so very glad I read it.

Lydia has become extremely uncomfortable with the attention that's being drawn to her 12-year-old body. The boys are school are acting in ways that make her extremely uncomfortable, while her friends think she should feel lucky to be receiving the attention. Her mom's boyfriend is uncomfortably affectionate, but Lydia thinks her mom would notice if it was inappropriate. Even strangers at sporting events are touching her in ways that she doesn't like, so she's taken to wearing baggy clothing that covers her skin even in the summer heat. As the situations escalate, Lydia has trouble finding her voice, and when she does use it, she struggles to be taken seriously. When she discovers her mom's boyfriend and her cousin's "unsafe" dad will be moving into her new house, she wonders if she'll ever feel safe again.

It was so difficult to watch Lydia struggle. As someone who has a hard time with having her space invaded (I've sat huddled into myself at sporting events so I don't have to feel a stranger's touch), my heart went out to Lydia when she felt she couldn't keep her body to herself. The things that many girls have been told they need to "suck up and deal with it" or "ignore it", like bra strap snapping, name calling, or showing affection for relatives or family friends are all addressed and called out in the story as unacceptable. The importance finding someone you trust with whom to share your feelings is discussed, as is the difficulty in sharing those feelings once they've been dismissed by someone. The emotions that Lydia feel are palpable, and I so appreciate how the relationship with her and her cousin, Emma, develops so she has an ally that gives her strength.

I would definitely recommend this book for fans of Maybe He Just Likes You by Barbara Dee, and So Done by Paula Chase.

[Sandy Brehl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I follow many media sources for recommendations and I wish i could track down the source for this suggested reading. I would send flowers.
The central characters are twelve and eleven, but this is a story that will resonate with ANY female from preteen through old age. It's set in NYC/Brooklyn, but the scenes and struggles could apply anywhere, in this country and beyond. There was a time I would have imagined that the social/cultural injustices toward, and accommodations expected of, girls and women regarding their bodies was USA centered. Global media now reveals the near universality of patterns of tolerance for male space-taking, eyeballing, body-shaming/claiming and other countless ways of diminishing female voices and sustaining male dominance over females within society.
Now, I admit I've been a feminist since kindergarten, which was before such a term was used. But this is not a book about feminism. It is about female body-ownership voices .
It unfolds within a page-turning story that will entertain everyone. (Magic spells? ghosts? friend drama? crushes? Catholic School uniforms? Come on, there is something here for anyone, any gender, any age!)
I began reading this with expectations that did not in any way match the complexity and validity of these characters and this issue. This is a book that far exceeded my high expectations, and for which the total exceeds the sum of its many parts. There is nothing really predictable about the story, and its satisfying resolve is in no way pat or similar to other stories I've read involving the topic.
I also admire the distinct writing structure, interspersing standard chapters with brief "asides", seemingly from the main character; insertions that foreshadow, deepen, and invite reflection about the way the story and relationships develop.
When it comes to discussions of "privilege", I do not mean to detract from issues surrounding BLACK LIVES MATTER, but this is a "MeToo" exploration of the negative impact of the Male Gaze on even our youngest females.
Please read it.